It is very rare for me to make up my mind about someone and then have to change it... IT has NEVER happened before, actually. It is so novel to me that I have decided to sit back and await the arrival of vinnie tomorrow and then see whether I was wrong or not. Not, mind you, that I care whether he lives or dies, but then, this would be the first time I went off the cuff and made a concrete decision to have him die with everyone else based on a vision which I had, which had him, "en clare", as well as abisha and obert, and a dog, which belonged to that uncle of mine that I mentioned I went to stay with at the instigation of my sister when I had gone vegetable because I was back home and facing my mother. Vicious female dog, that one -I will NOT speak about the vision NOW, because I am waiting to see vinnie- and the thing is, I could not stand my aunt, see, for her spiteful nature so I used to spend time outside a lot, in the garage, with the dog, rubbing it and all, and well, it sort of became very territorial over me. For me it was a bit of common sense to make friends, with it, because it was vicious, and I had to be mobile, and i think that this jagged cut on my right index finger is due to one of its boisterous shows of affection, and so, I would rub it up and down, and it would go all serene and peaceful as i sat there with it by my side, and it would remind me when I stopped what kind of duties i had towards it. Frankly, though, all I saw was ... a DOG. It was not the only one, there was another, its litter-mate, a male coward that it bullied, and would not allow anywhere near, and when it was in heat while I was still there, it amazed me by its cunning because it opened the small side entrance that had a dead bolt with its paws, like a human, and raced to this aged terrier that stayed around the bend, ignoring my growls of anger, at it. A little while later, as we were all preparing to sleep, I heard a commotion outside, sort of footsteps, and i went to investigate, and there it was, with a whole motley of the neighbourhood dogs around it, but it was stuck to my uncle's other dog, and it looked at me, and for the first time I understood something that my mother had mentioned to me about a dog having shame for having broken wind in public, because it looked and acted ashamed. I laughed; it was pure logic to me:- sow=> reap. So why be ashamed? I tried to break them loose manually, and to shoo the other dogs away, but for once my threatening presence was too weak to overwhelm the scent of a bitch in heat. So, I went to sleep, and woke up to find that they had extricated themselves and things were back to normal. Almost. The dog never came near me again. It hid in a narrow alley between my uncle's garage and the huge outer wall, and only slunk out to come eat. It also fell pregnant and lost weight, and apparently, it had managed all the other times NOT to fall pregnant, but this time it carried its litter to term, gave birth to 12 puppies and then would try to abandon the rest while picking up one, which it seemed to want to show me was the only one it was capable of sustaining. I lost patience with it and hit it but things were never better. My uncle, in his impetuosity, decided her dilemma for her by having the whole load of them vaccinated before they were 2 weeks old, and they all died. Around that time, i had a major falling out -story of my life- with my aunt and I decided to leave and go back to my parents (this was after my sister's incarceration and i had already been to see her and maybe it was the look of utter contempt on my mother's face that made me feel... obligated... to go back there after some weeks, I can not say, all I knew was that I had no rest, either at home or anywhere else) and the ironic thing is, the dog died the day I left. Broken heart? a Anyway, I had this vision of vinnie, and this dog and abisha and obert, a sort of parody of the one that had me and my cousin and aunt, because there was also a fire there, and me coming out, and well, I put two and two together, and came up with the conclusion that he and the fools with the apple chick were all now in cahoots, and so, I decided that they were all going to die, and since i had been deeply thinking, and arguing with God, and stating to Him that I had firly grapsed that, no matter where I went, I would have no real rest and so, the ONLY way that i could sustain this life He had inflicted me with and NOT always be as unhappy as i currently am was to TAKE over everything else, I grasped that I had managed to sidestep the cnat-get-over-my-mother part, by GETTING OVER her, literally, and taking charge of everything on the planet. So, I sent vinnie, two days before I came out, the following message, which I had assumed till I came out was the reason I came out, "I am coming out as the Judge, Jury and Executioner. It has taken me 10 years, 3 back home and 7 here, to grasp that I live for revenge and I am going home to tell my mother she has 7 years left to live.U dont. Go to hell." So, when I came out, I was surprised to find that he was in Zim, with his SIM, and therefore he was NOT the one in the vision? I decided to wait till he comes. He arrives tomorrow anyway, so what is a single day. That is why I am on my best behaviour, for mow, because this is such an interesting situation I want to see if he actually CARED for me as a person, or whether I was something easy to discard at the earliest opportunity. So, maybe Monday, everyone else, worldwide, dies. Who cares. I do not. But then, Test me and see, right. RIGHT!
Case any of you fools have NOT got it yet, show's over, school's out, I am, have taken charge, thanks to my unreasonable nature, and the fact that, scratch the skin, and you will find that underneath it all I am really one BIG, bad psycho, and... well, I need some eargasmic tunes to get me properly fired up right now, YEAHS?, yeahsss
see it den how the innocent going up in vapours
and propaganda spreading inna dem sunday papers...
now the clock are strike war dont be amazed coz
dem inna the churches trying to save us, saviours? ... boiling up pon who calling the shots...
OK, fuck am I talking about? Simple, here, it is like this, I will tell it like it happened, all so that you all can see what the fuck is gwaan up. So, I wrote that "No tell a vision can blind we up" post, gatvol about all this BS and wondering what the fuck God was on about and wanting CLOSURE like I have since developed a craving for my own homeland, and so, I guess that pushed them fools over the limit, and of course, nothing instigates war more than a seemingly bumbling fool's attempts at trying to prove himself, in the face of cold reason, that he is right, defying convention. but then, me? I have UNDERSTATED things, children, because I have this ONE big fear, which is what God has been dealing with me over even in prison, that HE, Who was so unreasonable as to say, "I have claimed you for Myself", intends to well, have His own way with me even despite my own inclinations, and so, I have been really , really, upset, and so, well, as I said, I pushed things, and them fools decided to show me out. How many times shall I SAY that they are dead? Well, this is the last time, because I am GOING home, under my own steam, I just need to see vinnie, I guess, and well... I will get to that, suffice it to say that paranoid me was wrong this one time where he is concerned, and so, I guess he and his kids will live, for the next few years anyway, and not go to hell... But I digress. So, mike did his bit, the fδδl, (see how I spell "fool"?) and I was amused, and when God showed me the loose jean thing, I immediately thought He was telling me, contrary to His usual MO, that the asshole was thinking that I, a black loafer, must loose this royal (blue) woman, descended, of course, from the royal line, which, of course, from its roots was just a mere, common line anyway, unlike me, the ONLY guy to be born, UNKILLABLE, immortal, and totally divorced from... your concept of reality, ha ha! So, the other asshole, the imp, also showed up, just before vinnie came up to the office for his keys, and he was going on and on about how evil I was -He has NO clue just how EVIL my thoughts towards him are at the moment, and man, oh, man, how UNLIMITED my reach has become, in the past few months of me being under absolutely NO pressure from anyone to be what she stupidly thinks i have to be- and asked why I was in his employ. I dismissed vinnie, and told him to go back to his business, this had nothing to do with him, and that was when he went to talk to the apple chick and she came back up full of righteous indignation that I had PRESUMED to tell vinnie that I spoke/ communi-talked with her via the internet, and I laughed to myself, wondering again WTF God was up to, and grimly enjoying another chance to put my life, my security, my livelihood, on the line just for the hell of it. So, I am taken to muizenberg police station, and they all like vultures swoop down, and I was listening as I was at first told that I am free to go because there was no case. since I was said to have made a cutthroat gesture from across the street at the chick when in effect I had gone, after mike had parked his family type merc under my nose, and asked where the "lover-boy" was just to complete the picture, which was when mike came out, made his funny noises and I got shown the might of ching ching $$$$$. Two months and twenty six days of it.
Vinnie came to ask me, clandestinely, to forgive, after a bail of R200 was posted for me, more than two weeks after, and I of course assumed that he had joined forces with them, based on my take of ANOTHER vision, and so, I basically sent him a txt message to the effect that he and everyone else should go to hell, I was done with them, it was now killing time, and well, last night, I came to kalk bay in a foul mood, heard that he was in Zimbabdwe and his mom had passed away, and well, dragged myself to his place to pay my condolences- and then only because his kids caught me out at the somali shop and greeted me so joyously that my cloak of indifference was torn away and I went and his wife set me straight about their just-past financial difficulties, and i resorted to reason, although thoughts of me sticking around in kalk bay sent me into extremes of anger (belly full and all, so THERE!)at two separate incidents I had to come back to my senses, belly full and all, when rain fell outside in torrents, before I climbed the mountain, where some aged dude was killed the day before- and so, obviously I would be stupid to go sleep there, which made it totally irresistible for me to go just there- and I made my presence known, with my wolf cry, just for the hell of it, to see Who the Fuck would try stopping me NOW Said them are gon dis who? said them are gon dis ME? Shut them up....
BUT, of course, that was NOW, this was then. For now, the visions I put to one side, Ah, fuck, gully side we are action pak tell them anything are anything, any dj, any scene any vocal every string fir right now we are action pak...
the fire furnace them up till them black and left them crisp...! There is only ONE rule, and that is the code that me live by:- I'm in this business for terror... I make it RAIN... and thunder and stuff, because I AM the God of thunder, the God of War, and if you think I lie, well, dare confront me and see the bolt of lightning strike you down... because, of course, your we-are-all-equal holy spirit can not stand water, and so is powerless to act at all when I intervene, with rain, NOOOOO!
HOWLLLLL!
got a handful of stacks better grab an umbrella, make it rain on them whores...! So, anyway, when them fools realised that the charges of cuthroat "I-will-kill you" gestures would not work, with the chick going, in my earshot, making me reality-challenged as far as God is concerned, "last week when me and my boyfriend..." I was like, God, You Asshole, You kept me from killing this bitch long ago, and now she says publicly she has a BOYFRIEND. Fuck do You take me for? Some love sick puppy out for someone's leftovers? Fuck was that "September 18: Independence Day" shit for if you bring me full circle for the same shit? Now they walk all over me, thank You very much, my ... Friend! Anyway, mike pulled his weight, I was divested of my laces and belt, and this fat asshole robbed me of the R7- odd I had in my pocket, and I went to sleep in the cells. And I was woken up late at night to be charged, and well, all night, my anger was unlocked. I NEVER forgive, never forget. Every act requires a reckoning. It rained that night, and I switched it off in the morning. The chick had laid charges against me, and so, she was dead. There was a line she had crossed, and I would have her head, oh God, for that. So, when the judge in the morning went all lyrical about a picture being worth a thousand words, and how a cuthroat gesture meant exactly what it was intended to convey, I was now set to KILL the silly woman, for wasting my time, and so, when two weeks later, after his attempt to send me home post-haste was rebuffed by Home Affairs to his chagrin, and I was told that Ms Andrea Blouburger was charging me with assault by the same wisecracking judge, I assumed since i did not know the imp's name, that it was ... her, and so, I found it all incredibly funny to see the stuttering fool stand up and try to get the judge to throw me in the deepest darkest dungeon and throw away the key. I laughed. Hard. Well, she is still dead, of course, because I do NOT allow myself to be mixed with riffraff. I am either what I say I am,l and EVERYONE else is dead except such as I please, because I mattered enough to them for them to seek me out for me, not because they expected something from me, like all the false bonhomie of some people I have seen, and so, I will kill, and she definitely, right now does NOT fit into the category of people that I... like. Last night, as I got off the train, she must have been upstairs in her office, because as soon as she saw me walk up, she drew the shutters, and I was ,like, WTF? Vinnie's wife told me that someone broke into her place and they wondered if it was at my instigation, like I am some mafia don who sends underlings. NO, where she is concerned, I INTEND to make it personal. I will rend each one of them limb by limb... personally. Starting with her. Take that to the bank and cash it.
See some fool are try fir draw we out make them know we nuh go nice well some fool are try fir draw we out its a gangster's paradise... we nuh fire not a water nor a stick no a stone gun
you dont wanna start this WAR When me shoot me nuh miss like john stark when me walk fire spark me left them with chalk... Me nuh care who you BE Fool cyal you think you could are be like US?
I do NOT, as I have stressed before, MANAGE my anger, I LET it OUT, and HELL< people, I am done pretending I am ... happy. Put it this way, I should be dead, and I am alive,and I had NO say in that, and I can NOT die, and so, I am already NOT pleased to be limited by the ONLY Being that can make me so, and so, for mere ... flesh... to contend with me is an insult that I can NOT endure. So, it gets MESSY. Bood-by bood-by burn dem in-eminem
if you dis bad man your skin have fir burn imeninem.... Right, anyway, this was not all straightforward. I had to work my way UP the food chain to get where I am NOW, and it started with me focusing on the ONE enigma that I had NOT really focused on all along, because I did NOT want to get involved... and give Him more room than He had to do as He pleased with me.I am ambivalent towards God, at the best of times. Sometimes, I forget myself in Him and I positively love Him, and at other times I positively loathe Him. But THEN, there is one CONSTANT that I can not change even if I try toi run away from Him, or shield my self from Him, and that is, I can NOT adapt to situations. I am already at bare essentials, and so I can NOT be anything that I am not, or pretend to accept things that I will NEVER tolerate, like that sucking pussy thing, fuck is the damn picture? Stupid woman does not know how unrelenting I get, does she?
NUFF said on THAT! Anyway, I was like, listening to this pastor who was incarcerated in the cell I was in, for a little while, room number E2- 349, a big cell, which should house some thirty bedded remand prisoners but makes do with about 70-80 and he was explaining, from his master's degree in theology viewpoint, just how it was that these serpent made the woman eat the fruit. Some bullshit about how it was NOT yet God's time for them to have sex and how therefore they all saw that they were naked later, and well, I could not keep quiet. I knew that I would regret opening my mouth, and , I DID anyway. And asked why the serpent had approached the woman and why God had punished the ... woman... by talking of hard pregnancy, and separation of her seed from the seed of the serpent. I lost the argument in favour of convention, because of course, everyone knows that no serpent ever walked upright, and so, God saying anything that seemed to indicate that a serpent ever DID was my own stupid thinking. SO, I gave it all up, but not before I got the ... point that the Orchestarter of all this, the Maestro, had been making with me, over my seed thing. It was NOT about my ... MOTHER. IT was about... ME. I am the SEED, because I am the ONLY person to not only pointedly and repeatedly and irrevocably REJECT my mother and everything she stands for, in my heart at least but never so openly as is happening NOW, which is why NOW, all these other visions are getting fulfilled, the "those who dwelt in darkness" silver spoon thing, because NOW, I come OUT of this world and set up my own dominion that rejects everything of ... YOURS... and well, this is what He meant when He said, as He showed me when I dared Him yesterday that if I came back from court this time I was going to kill to get out,( and He would be shown to be some liar who is long in talk but short on delivery, and He let me out)and He showed me the 2Samuel scripture where He was effectively saying that He had been showing me, especially with my way of trying to get even, and ending with my pants down, just how, I was wrong to try to use silly women to get at her, and so, He had reserved ... oh, fuck this, this drives me to want to get drunk. I can not, so I will seek a song instead...! I NEEDED a virgin, and someone that was totally interested in ... me... for ... me, and I could even overlook the bouts of jealousy, but now, its a fucking waste of time.
She may be a virgin and all that, but one does NOT make bargains with the one person who holds ALL the cards. NO. I am the one and only, and you do NOT make me the equal of anyone and no one of your family, nor friends, will, hopefully, live to see the next few days, because I am going to make certain. I mean, I am the Judge, Jury, Executioner, and someone dares lay terms and conditions on... ME? Fuck, I can do without. No One tells me what to Do I GO where I PLEASE, and Do as I PLEASE. I recognise NO law but my own, and bow down to NO ONE. I pay back a million fold for a stubbed toe, so who the FUCK is this silly opiniated stupid bitch to incur the wrath of the LAST word on ANYTHING? Fuck, push comes to shove, I will incinerate her! No one messes with the Lord of the earth. NEVER.
a listen harder
circa
madder than the other
are serious
like a judge
agent double-oh
no joke thing
hear wha' gwaan up
we nuh jim carey
and nobody nuh dare fir laugh
when them hear we
coz we nuh funny man
no no we nuh funny
coz me say Lord make we ever righteous
we aint no elephant no murphy
we no titus
we no funny, no no... .
and nuh gon make cue and no do no stand up
you are hear me all gangster just put your hands up
like the killer in a full suit of black
we aint no chris tucker
and we aint no chris rock.
Just to nail the lid to the coffin, I have this to say about this ... other thing, OK, like with the texas ranger woman, there is ONE episode of batman animated which sticks to my mind the most, because it made a vivid impression on me, like, he was captured by the joker, and put, mask and all, into a trance where he was forced to relieve childhood memories and he re-witnessed the deaths of his parents, as a kid and when the joker, in his head, asked what he wanted after that, meaning that he would chemically induce it into his brain, and make the bats feel good, batsy replied,showing the reason WHY He was the world-weary caped crusader, and here, the mental image that showed on the screen on joker's mental projector was the batman's bunched right gauntlet, and he mouthed one word, "revenge!", and so, THIS was, and IS what I wanted a woman for, at this time, one I could use for revenge, to spite my mother, and then NOT have to kill the woman later. I failed. And bats have no feathers on their wings so they have no extra baggage. It took me this long to figure out that the woman had to be single and with no previous baggage of her own, or I would kill her, as sure as day follows night.
And I do not particularly want to waste my time, so I will rather forgo that... torment.
After all, what is 7 years compared to eternity? I guess there will be NO light on MY dark side.But darkness throughout. Well, I am ready to move out. We exist in tow differenmt worlds? Guess what; NOT for much longer, NO! It is time to move out, and to... kill.
φ-core- (psi-core => psycho) meaning I am mad on the inside, and now, I have nothing but the mad core. I like it. My NEW name, YEAHSSS. Oh and by the way, if you think I can NOT kill personally, "academic" NOTHING like you think, as I interpret it:- you can argue of course, but then, tested unbreakable bones, an adaptable body, and the killer instinct born and bred 100% intuitively, hell, argue and lets put it to the test- it just means that if I have to SAY something, then it will NEVER be of help to anyone else, because I, well, hate everyone. It will be of academic interest in the ironic sense, meaning that it will be of no use to you. Tried to trip me on my own shoe-laces, ha,people? How about NOW, with me UNMASKED, and furious?Oh, hell, I am going to enjoy THIS. I am winding up and coming to while the time away in kalk bay, just to rub noses in it. I promised vinnie that I would behave before he gets back, and so, what the fuck, I have NOTHING to lose. NOW, fools you REALLY know who the fuck you are fighting, yes?
One Man I fear are The Father?
though I walk through the shadow of death I shall not fret ... but a one Man me Fear, are The Father me are bwoy believe inna prayer me step pon the battlefield without no shield and endure shotta fire and when me no have no food no water Jah love me never yet short of me are God is fir real The pain me are feel never feel fir sons and daughter.
With these few words, "Sir, the court has decided to be merciful. You are free to go..." my almost three month ordeal, and stay at Pollsmoor, was over, and I am once again, relatively, a free man. I got arrested on April fool's day, when, true to my ebulient nature, I decided that the silly woman was taking on too much on herself and, IN MIKE'S VIEW, pantomimed once too often my views from across the street. The usually yellow guy decided to get some backbone AND confronted me,performed a "CITIZEN'S ARREST" shooed everyone out except for his tame policeman, a Captain Mckinner or some such bullshit,and a while later I was upstairs in the office, the chick coming back in to say, aghast, that I had had the nerve to tell vinnie that she and I spoke on my blog, and me, sittimng in a chair and seeing, clear as day and as unimpressed then as I am now, a pair of loose fitting blue jeans and attached to a pair of black loafers, without laces. I had to loook and check out mike's attire to grasp that this was another of them blasted visions, and now, here I stand, or sit, a few moments after my release, and extremely angry man, and I have a pair of loose blue jeans and my whitye trainers, well, they have no laces thanks to the tender mercies of the mountain men, some private, kalk bay, enforcers. Now, as I said, I am free, and I have this nightmaree to endure, to carry on with, because I have discovered just how nreasonable God is goi9ng to be as far as I am concerned, ansd WHY the fuck I am going to kill off every singlke living being. He is some... Father, indeed.
OK, to make it short, He has NOT been completely idle in my life. In between me getting into one-sided fights with the assholes in Pollsmoor, slapping them willy nilly, getting sick of fever, you name it, and getting frantic, sending text messages to vinnie, He has been stripping me of all pretenbse and I have discovered that I really, after having given up on life and condemned myself to death, ten years ago, decided to use the remaining time to get... even, beginning with my mother.
-the three years I spent in Zimbabwe afterwards, from 2004, are the years I tried to get my own back at her, from tryting to use that girl jacqueline to shame her, to then edning up running away becauase I did not and do NOT want to physically kill her, which is why this PLACE in the US is so attractive, 7 years of torturing her verbally till she becomes BUT dust.
-the seven years that I have spent HERE in south africa, looking for some woman that could give me a respactable status in her eyes (my mother's) because getting a chick that was attached to her past, had a child and all that meant that both the chick and my mother treated me with contempt, when, technically, all I am is a prisoner, a person that is kept alive by God, essentially. This chick, the ONLY female out of of all women that I(and the onlyout of five women, four of whom I have stayed with) have actually been able to STAND, and whon has developed an overinflated view of her own self worth, wrell, she made me mad, and weo, I have decided that since I am NOW out of prison and have nothing better to do than to carry on wth my vengeance, I will wipe HER out as well as the rest of her brood and her family, since I have decided that, aside from my mother, I will spare also, planet-wide, only those people that I have formed an attachment to, and these happen to be my two dead uncles, who must come to life again, my four sisters, my two female cousins, my mother's namesake, qnd my nephew, will get to live out these next few years and then die later, as dust, in the seventh year.
As for God, this is what He informed me via the bible this morning as I waited to get picked up from the prison, "2Sam 7:-... "as for you, I wil pick one of your own sons and he shall be king....", bla bla, meaning that He decided, after David and his failure, that He would choose...me... to be king (not ruler) and would correct me whan I am wrong but would NEVER repent. He would be my Father and I would be His son. As I said, "Some Father".
NOW, I wonder what the fuck I am going to eat, first, because I am not working and will not set foot in kalk bay and give vinnie a chance to gloat. Fuck this!
