Costly Mistake

If someone were to tell you that he thinks better than you do and thus knows exactly what you need so shut up and enjoy what he has got for you, you would call it abuse, right?
Even if that someone happens to be The Most High God?
Would you still do the same thing?
of course not, right? Because you know what happens when someone messes with a God who says, 'come, let Us reason to get her; though your sins be scarlet, they shall be as snow, though they be ... If you are willing and OBEDIENT, you shall eat the good of the land, but if you resist and rebel, you shall be devoured by the sword'

You know, then just how REASONABLE He is, right? Especially since He says , after the "My ways are not your ways...", bit;- 'I will NOT alter the word that has gone forth from My lips', which means if he says it, it WILL happen, regardless of how many stand against it, be the ten,a thousand, or a billion .

But then, that was befopre He met me, someon whose mind works this way:- I do not care much for anyone or anything, and everything has to be... logical, comeing in rorder from that which came before, no assumptions, no leaps, no gaps, and I was asking myself, over and over again, just what the fuck gave Him the right to SAY anything in my life, AT all, and I think I said it, more than once, in my posts, that I wanted Him to just expose Himself just ONCE and I will have Him out of my life, and now, I find that The Immutable One, who is celebrated as having "no variation nor shadow of turning, is really just as vain and pompous as everybody else, hiding His true essence behind clever sounding and deep words, so I say this, NOW and for ever: "Fuck You , you arsehole!"

He made the ... mistake... because His hatred for women blinded Him -and silly fool, He MADE the woman- of thinking that just because my mother had made my life miserable, so if He showed me a way of getting even with HER, of getting over her, then I would kiss His arse, but He overreached Himself. See how everyone of His.. pronouncements ... were all to do with... women?
"Sepetember 18;- Independence day", 'Sunday 21 October'; the Cunt can not get cunt out of His mind, and to Him I was something to be fought over , to be won from women, so that He could say, with pride, "I have claimed you for Myself"

Well, Fuck Him, because I will NOT play His game. If anyone wants to know just who I hate the most, it is Him, becauseI have decided that I will wage war on Him till the end, till He gives in, and leaves, so that I die, because He is definitely in my crosshairs.

He said there was nothing I could do that would make Him change His... love... for me, so here goes.

Now that I know that He spoke of nicky?, of that girl in that 'inkfish' studio, and so assumed that if I had these, among others, I would stop... looking, and be content, well, guess what, I have them on a death sentence, and fuck, I WILL do as I said to allison, even if she had nothing going on with that guy she was with who had come to get his driver's license or some such bullshit! Because apparently, after she saw that I was so easily swayed by the 'employment' woman, and welcomed her, she thought she could maybe borrow on the God leaning and come and pose.

Any woman who0 thinks anything of God and thinks He has any influence with me is dead, dead, dead!

By my hand.

SO, both her and the other French sounding girl are dead, and what is more, after I make them eat their 'significant others', I will have this whole South Africa rezed to the ground, and the lands where these other women, all of the eighteen, may have been where they had ... men.

Just so that there is no son of a bitch out there who will gloat when my back is turned to say I am taking his leavings, because, well, practically women are nothing more than glorified garbage cans on legs, who may seem as good as anything on the outside, but are repositories for men's piss.

And, anyway, what started this whole shit thing to begin with was michelle, and God used that to point out my mother and to point out the fact that I could get two birds with one stone; get some women who 'looked up' to me to get over -supposedly- my mother's 'rejection', and then take women close to michelle to gloat over HER, even after I have killed her, and thus never keep myself turning over and over in my mind the fact that she should NEVER have messed with me, and refuse to... move on.


So, because i had said to michelle on Thursday15 September, that I would be going to the USA and would probably get a Latino woman, and she had asked what that was, and I had said "spanish american', He decided that He would provide one here, so I would stop looking, and there she was, with chunky boy of all things, and it was as if she had a sign that said 'here I am!'.

yeah, and she always was with that guy. except that once when she drove by alone in her Pajero, and made me realise she HAD been readin my posts.Because I had gone back on my colour thing.

And as for nicky?, God went on and on about how stupid she was, as if she was NOT responsible for her actions, and then, later, when I asked to see her, and she showed up, I guess the only thing about her that did NOT make me throw up was that she leaned towards me.

I guess that kind of supplication means I will not kill her as I intended, but the ONLY way to stop me from doing that is if she - and here I hate butt-head's mom for her 'offer'- decided to relinquishe her daughter to me.

That would, if you are counting, make it two females.

Then there is butt-head's mom, who, surprisingly, I 'saw' after I had said, and  here God seems to have given in without quibble, that I did not even agree with His way of doing things,( and I surprised myself by saying I wanted HER as my first  white woman)so I want someone who sees as I see, and she showed up that very same day, after I had rejected the other girl who made me realise that nicky? visions did come from God, because of her nose, and that she was therefore nicky?'s sister.

Then, of course, there is the little one with her red cheeks who I described before, and who I comapred favourably with michelle, and thought that because she lived somehwere 'up there' where michelle seems to also stay, it would gall michelle no end to have her with me while I turn my back on the bitch.

Then there is the other snmall one with the funny gap between her legs, and here I was, as you all know, disconcerted because God did that, "do you really have a mind of your own?" thing, so that I could just accept the rubbish like that Kalk Bay girl and get my mind off women and focus on other things. Now, what, I ask you, is more... interesting... than sex?

Well, I think about it more than anything else,day and night, and there is nothing that stops me paying attention to the smaller things like living.

So, fuck, I intend that there be sex, sex, sex, till God gets fed up, and when I leave I am going to look for pussy, and fuck His opinion of things.
 Now, of course, I was going to wash my hands of all these other women, these five, and just kill everyone and take my 18, and leave, but what do you know, I am still to get paid for my frames, and the gusy said ither today or tomorrow, which means I will buy food later, meaning tomorrow, and watch as He kills people, this armchair adviser of mine, the pussy!

Mirror Mirror!

I have had bizarre days and moments in my life, but what I heard from the UNLIKELIEST Source last night had me sit back and go... HA?
Now, I had, after being really pissed off at everything for a whole day, gone and decided that I would have my pieces sold for me by the guys in Kalk bay, and I found one willing enough to do so, so I expect that today I would have something, because i bloody WORKED for that, see?
But, the guy wants some frames of the Big Five, so that his younger brothers can 'plaster' them using cut cans, and i was considering  doing that, and getting PAID for it as well, when i thought, nuh, instead of wasting valuable time and night-vision making that, how about taking advantage of the fact that the day tomorrow is not going to be wet, and making something with the remainder of my beads and wire ['remainder' is relative, i have loads of  the stuff] and selling it at the beach tomorrow just to hedge my bets.

so, I settled on something I thought would make someone who sees it go "ooh look at that, isn't it cute?" and i decided to make myself a beaded, portable, rabbit, as a start -no, I actually framed a mouse, but decided to plaster a rabbit first.

As i was making it, the memories came back of a rabbit that my mom had had at home, in a wire cage my father had had made, and one day, I had gone up to it, and looked into its cage and it had stared at me blankly, and made not even the least sign that I even existed. I rattled its cage, and got no repsonse, till I decided to poke at it with a stick.

all I got was a disdainful movement to a safer distance, and the same unruffled side-stare with one eye -if I could call it that, since the eye was allblack and I could not make out pupils to see if the thing was even LOOKING at me!
So, I got rather aggresive, and tried to get some kind of response at all costs, and I ended up damaging its eye and nearly killing it, but i did not even get a wimper from it, not a sound. it was like i was not even DOING anything to it.

So, I said to God that thats how I feel towards Him and His involvement in my life. Unlike with the rabbit, which I approached, He was guilty in my view of coming  into my life, and whenever I tried to get Him to say WHY  He was even anywhere in my life, I got annoying responses that, to me, were and ARE non-sequiturs, because they may explain what He sees wrong in my life, but NOT why He took it upon Himself to ignore the... proper channels and address that in a manner that would get me to deal with that problem as  I see fit, without having Him ... involved.
I even went on further to say, quite bluntly that I did NOT want Him anywhere near me, and that i regard every act of His, even on 'my' behalf, an insult, because He was disregarding the fact that He was not even welcome to begin with, to contribute anything into my life. That I would never even accept Him,  or his thing that He put on me, because as far as I am concerned, the thing that is wrong in the world the most is Him, and the impossible pressures that he puts on people to somehow intuite that He wants them to act in a certain way when he Himself has made it impossible for people to act like that.

I mean, He made the man, after making animals, and when He saw that the man chose, since all he could work with was what was there, that the 'helper' would be a woman, one for himself, He got upset and spent a whole day sulking, and then made it obvious that He wanted the man to Himself by deliberately ignoring the woman and coming to 'visit' the man, thus creating a further strain on the man who would have to be left alone to deal with the woman when He was not there; and then opunishing the guy for choosing to listen to the 'voice' of the woman and rather seeking to be with someone that was not a visitor... et.c., and I went on in this ame vein, and concluded that, see, I do not think that anything I say will have any impact on You because You choose to hear only waht You want and ignore the rest, so fuck You! I worked for my stuff, made it, spent nights awake so I could do something that i would say I DID, and if You have a better alternative, then instead of wasting my time so far with Your snide comments, you should have done something about it!

After exhausting my wordsm, and giving up in frustration, I was surprised by a soft, almost apologetic rendering of the words to a song by maxi-priest and the particular words being

I just wanna be close to you
to do the things you want me to
i just wanna be close to you
to show you the way I feel

And i understood that the one reason why god was near me was because I am the ONE person that does not need either Him or anyone, that really will never care what He thinks of me, because His opinion of me or of anyone else means as little to me as ... nothing.

I further understood WHY He had said " I am starting with the man in the mirror", because I am apparently the FIRST and ONLY person to get God to take a look at Himself and decide to... change.

And that the ONLY reason why I can not now say 'get out' is because I feel... pity... for Him, and so have decided that His thing, which apparently is the reason why He can read my mind and know better than I can at times what I am really thinking, deep down, can stay.

which is why  there was that 'ten million dollars' to build that thing vision, and why it took 18 of them to have me to finally decide that I would remove those people that upset me, because, see, the End of  All Flesh is before me and i hate every living thing, except the 'unsuspecting strangers' who did what pleased me and made me decide that i would keep these for myself.


but, see the 'ark' vision had a bat's wing.

so, there are five women that would be hanging on, and these have to be the kind i would spare because they are easy on the eyes and probably would be dead if they do not come out in the open about themselves; women who KNOW what I write, and have been making pests of themselves but not because of kids, or such! who theyv are, who cares, i am abiout to get serious, but not today

Clarity, please!

I suppose that habits of any kind are hard to break, which is my... excuse, OK!
But, here I am, again at the library, and  not for the first time in my life, I am wondering which I should go with, my gut or my own preferance.
Because, see, on ONE HAND there are women that I tend towards, the curvy, fab type, right?
but on the other, there are REAL women, women that I have seen, women that have ... acted... towards me in certain manners that have left me in no doubt about how high I am in their esteem, and for some reason, that does go some way in getting me to get past their lack of ... flesh in certain areas.
provided, of course, that those women were, or are, single, and not seeking to be involved with me for all the wrong reasons, right?


So, one would wonder what I am talking about, here.
let me be specific.
I think allison has a great ass and all that, but one can not live with an ass, and frankly her behaviour as far as I am concerned has made me hate her, and I will very happily boil that guy she is with, and feed him to her, and then, finally, just leave her to live with that.
Now, THAT is what will happen to her, because tramping on my face like she did, as if i am to be impressed by her being there like she is some... I do not know what she thinks, but then she IS French, or something like that, and everyone knows that these women think as little of faithfulness as a bitch in heat. Its normal to them, so she will pay for trying THAT on me.

Which brings me to the... list... of the... agreed... women.

There ARE 18 confirmed, yes, but scratch the library woman, because I have been both remembering her last night, and the things about her that put me off, AND also I have been looking at her for a few minutes now as she moves around in front of me, and well, her waistline... !
There is none, and well, that shows how much or how little she cares about being true to herself. She probably eats a lot and then wears tight clothes just so that they hide the flab that is very obvious, and she has a heavy tread that shows how she is really, herself, only on a sort of compromise-at-all-costs mode. I hate women like that, because they wear one down, and expect one to lift them up, look at them and all that so that they have a better opinion of themselves, and that is pathetic, since one either sees what is wrong and sorts it out, or one just gets going with it and to hell with secondary opinions.

So, there are 18.BUT

God speaks of 20, and even after I did away with the ... possible... meaning of "Dunkirk" which was that I should put myself in Hitler's shoes and deal with my 'enemies' and leave none of them to get away, I find that I can NOT, as I originally intended, kill off every non-black person, or the jews and such, because I NEED their land with its fuel, for now, till I have no more need of these, which is, when I have made my own type of vehicle that does not have to have fossil fuel, nor can I destroy the japanese, because of their technology [ I guess one gets the sense that I am going to be very... VISIBLE... and moving around in the future, NOT stuck in one place] so the ONLY people that wioll NOT exist anymore, wherever they are, are black, aboriginals, coloured or those south american breeds.

Just so that anyone who SEES me will KNOW that this is THE Prince, and not mistake me for Will Smith or some such idiot.

So, it brings me back to the missing two, and the fact that the ONE who has the FINAL say, the approval, the seal, is ME, not God, because He does NOT have to live with these people, and because the person has to be something that I have to find acceptable, or I will KILL her.

Personally, even if she has gone against EVERYTHING that I expected to find in a woman, the way she has gone ABOUT it has made me very impressed with this woman, who now, if I am wrong about her, finds herself in very troubled waters, because she will have to answer to the surviving relations after I leave about why she would offer her granddaughter to me, and been forced to EAT that same granddaughter so that I can have my revenge and leave her alive... OR... she fially shows some sense and decides to walk away from a situation that will probably get worse for her with her sons EVEN before I kill them, once I have my... food situation in full order.
I am talking about butt-head's mom, and I will even concede that her coming up to me and walking around in a dress could be interpreted as meaning that she did NOT think she was THE ultimate woman for me, but was trying to get into my good books and seeking ways to please me, [even though the best way would just have been to... ah... I do not know, maybe SAY something about it?]... OR it could be what I suspected off the bat, that she was mocking me.

She could also NOT have been seeking to palm off her granddaughter on me, but maybe the granddaughter herself could have been... interested, and she could have been trying to show me how they were... connected, so that I actually end up NOT killing nicky?, but leaving her to die another day?

or she could have been mocking me.
So, maybe these ARE the two, or there will be NONE more?

I do not know, because I am, as I admitted not long ago, NOT certain how this will pan out, but what I do KNOW is that as soon as I am set up foodwise, I am going, going, gone, and people start dying, dying, till they are dead, DEAD, DEAD

its not safe to go walk about
a slaughter-house from Baghdad to Waterhouse

For The Man's Sake

That is supposed to be the... ark... on Mount Ararat, Turkey.
Now, God for reasons of His own, had said to Noah that he should build an ark, because the end of all flesh had come before Him, and He repented of having made man on the earth, yes?

so, the man, wife and kids and an assortment of animals, found themselves in   a box for a year, while everything else was destroyed for the man's sake, as God later put it.[the man, of course, had 'NO' say in what was done for... him]

but the same God later said that He would NOT so destroy the earth again, for the man's sake, because his imagination was evil from his youth, apparently meaning that he had a... parent complex.

So, what did He do? told the... NEXT ... man that he should leave his family and 'go to a land that I will show you, and there I will make you a great nation'.

the man did, and now, let us see just how, sly God was! He made sure that the man 'saw' how bad some of the people were behaving, and thus how they... deserved ... to die, but then, God , Who apparently was... learning... about people... made the mistake of thinking the man wanted the whole lot of people dead.

the man wanted to fit in, to have a place, so he did whatever was... necessary to be... inconspicuous. God STIll had NOT realised that a man had an independent mind and saw things differently, had different perspectives from Him, and so everytime God instituted these 'blessings' on the prospective 'man', they always backfired, and never succeeded.[I bet you never thought God did NOT know everything, right!].

So, He tried a different track, and that is where I came in. He made sure, for example, that I was NOT equipped... to fit in, from the first.

But the reason why, apparently He even eyeballed me was that I found it, and find it, difficult, to even excel at ANYTHING, if it means my mother gets to share in any rewards. I would rather be a laughing stock than to be a success, since to her I was never anything to begin with, and if I therefore DID something to earn her respect, it would not be 'me' that she would look at, but rather someone she thinks I should be;- that is, a person designed to make sure that her life is smooth.
This is what He meant by 'fistborn male', because I definitely REFUSE to let that conniving woman have ANYTHING good or bad from me if I have to be a 'man' inorder for change to occur.[ So, the women of the 'covenant' get to be the ones who will go with me, and I am NOT making the assumption that God made, that everyone is so... pleased... to be involved with Him; no, I have to be first of all certain that they want me, and that they have no ties with whatever there is in their lives to keep them from being with me; that they actually were looking for release from the bondage of the daily drudgery, and that once they saw me, they made up their minds that they wanted to be where I was at].

So, she dies. Fuck, she and every black person on this whole planet dies.

God wants everyone dead, for THE man's sake, but then, he is a 'covenant' God, see, one Who wants an 'agreement', hence, the ark thing.

apparently, I always wanted women that would accept me as i am , without the frills of... success... who would also be sexually desirable and also that I do NOT have to work to get them to bed.

so, there were ten to 'build an ark' and the remainder that I am still puzzling over, although I am getting to the point where I wonder if 18 is not enough to just go.

they are all white, so, I will have the 'white race', not semitic, not oriental.. et.c... remain alive, since i still need some of their tech., and then, when I have built for myself something worth occupying my attention, when this 'thing' that God put on me is gone, and there is no longer any need for child-rearing beliefs by women, I will have the rest of the people die.

except,  of course, for the ones that have already pissed me off, and these i will do away with PERSONALLY, these white people.

Now,I was all weekend busy making some wire and beaded things for sale today so that I could have money to buy food and stay on the mountain while I 'wait for a new life', but the weather is not so kind, so I am going back to sleep and brood, and maybe tomorrow, i will come down and  get busy,and then the end will come.

i will NOT post anymore from the library, or internet cafe, till I have occupancy of the parliament house, in Cape Town.

howl like a sound of siren

Mind Over Matter... Literally.

When God decided to... stroll into my life, the immediate reaction, which , of course, I have been liberally dishing out as the days went by, was anger.
Before he showed up, I was actually just a basic depressed uncommitted person whose horizon was diminishing as I grew up. I was going to die as soon as I was at the age where I would have to... be responsible.

But He showed up, and so, even though I had no idea at the time just how He had done something already to make sure I WAS isolated and incapable of death, HE became the chief focus of all my rages.

And as the years have gone by, from fighting Him tooth and nail, to defying His very word, till NOW when I actually PAY [and I am morally too broke to 'pay' anyone anything] attention to what He says or what i perceive Him to say; I have come to grudgingly acknowledge that He is always true to His word, and unlike people, whom I can NOT, and this is the honest truth, ever actually take seriously or even consider too much, He does NOT mean me harm, for whatever reason that may be, a reason I have yet to find, because at the moment I am almost sure that if I ever had the opportunity to slip from is grasp, I would take it, and just die.

Now, I am sitting here when I thought I was... done, but you see, I had to ... ask, a question, one that made me realise that I may know the last, and the rest, but there were gaps in my knowledge that made no sense, and so, I had to find out, see?

Or maybe you do not. But then, I do not expect anyone to believe me, because nothing in your knowledge has ever been like this, so, you are welcome NOT to accept this,  since I eralise that, as far as anyone else's thinking would be concerned, I am as an alien.

But an alien whose mid now impinges on matter... literally.


yesterday, and for the past few days, I have been observing the 'library' lady becoming more and more... obvious... in her attentions, and actualy, on Wednesday, when I was deep in pain, and snarling with every step, she walked past and the look she had on her face as she stared at me was one which, had there been just the two of us in a dark room, woul have needed no other explanation as to its origins.

Incapable of interacting with people I may bbe, but BLIND I most certainly am NOT, and it is this ... vision... that made me finally ask, as soon as I thought I was done, just what the deal with the lady IS. Because she has a ing on her finger that says, or should say, that the woman is off limits, taken and neither for sale, to let or for rent. Right on the appropriate finger.

Which should, of course, make me back off, but for the fact that there is ANOTHER ring, on a corresponding finger, on the other hand, and I wonder to myself why someone would want to re-confirm/ annul something that should be made perfectly obvious by just ONE ring. On the right hand. Or left, in this matter.

Now, let us face it, women, they like to play these games and not show their true colours, right? Pretend and all that. Well, I was goint to ditch her anyway, but then I decided that she can NOT be that good a liar. Maybe she is just protecting herself, and trying not to make herself a target for unscrupulous male attention, because if she was married, then the way she behaved woyuld have had that coquettishness that comes with the flirtatious female type.


But, THAT was not the reason whym I am sitting here, but the fact that later, as i was back to my mountain fastness, cooking and eating an basically giving my stomachj the finger for denying me the chance to taste my gastronomic... eh... preferences, God did another HUD display. This time it was

DUNKIRK

And, like all history students, everyone knows that Dunkirk was the scene of what could have been the most telling defeat of the BEF [the British Expeditionary Force] which was just a few days earlier, deployed to Frnce to aid them gallic-eater against Hitler's invasion, and they ended up bailing out and if Hiteler had not been so afraid to overextend himself and his panzer tank divisions, he could have ended WW2 right then, but he allowed the British to escape. About 300,000 of them, at the sands of Dunkirk, because His Luftwaffer kept struffing them from the air, but he never let theose fearsome tanks of his roll in and take the enemy apart.

Now, the sense I got from God at this point was that, like the 'rescuers' who ended up ditching even their cars as they formed a jetty for any kind of ship/even tugboat to rescue THEM, I was actually leaving 'someone' behind.

Well, the someone could NOT have been obvious then, because i was certain I had accounted for every woman.

But then, lets do the math, right?

ten women, the seven and three, to build the foundation, right?

Check, I am content with my appraisal of the ten women, and what comes after actually makes me even more confident.

"Fifteen seconds to get out of here", meaning that, as one would interpret the words based on what happened, with the 'ths' vision and all that, there were FIVE other, less obvious women, and the girl [I explained all that] and it was these six who made it possible for me to finally solve the enigma of butt-head's mother's behaviour towards me, and thus scratch her out of any possible... involvement... with me, since her only goal was to get the monster to leave her kids be, and she was willing to sacrifice even her granddaughter(s) to get that done. Well, once I knew that, I  had her cracked, and so, I had no need to doddle any more, so, I left S/Twon, and the only time I will get there again is to kill people, and make her eat her granddaughter. Literally.

so, that is sixteen.

seventeen woul be the 'employment' lady, the very English one.

Then there is the mysterious library lady, and lastly, as LAST of all to come up, is the sexy woman I saw that Monday.

But, see, the vision that explained HER showed me truning my back on everything else, and going to a second floor, above the ground floor, and that means this is a ... double story... type of thing.

ten below, ten above.

there is therfore some 'secret service woman' that has NOT shown her true colours, but probably, thinking herslf 'better' than anything else, decided that rules do NOT apply to her and so tried to pave her way her way.

I DO NOT like The French Connection.

It narrows the grid too much.

One one hand, it could be the kalk bay girl, but I hate her, and she is as good looking as anyone who you knew wearing glasses for a month  and never did anything about would be.

She had to CHANGE for me to even notice her, and even then I do not like her at all.

That leaves allison, and frankly, she has pissed me off, big time, and as far as I am concerned, everyone has the right to exercise their freedom to think... and act... independentlly... outside MY domain. When it is MY life, I like people who obey me, and not try to show their alternatives.

that pisses me off.
if it is her, I have serious objections.

And would prefer her having a meal of that guy she is always with, ven if the relationship is that of brother and sister.

No bending, no lifting, no mercy!

It is a... fact... that there is a BIG difference between humans and other primates, but maybe THIS picture will tell more than I can:

On the Left is a human skeleton, and on the right is a gorilla skeleton, but check the midriff.

Now, MY own contention is that gorillas... evolved... from humans, and not the other way round, but whatever 'means' or catalyst was used to make them a distinct species had less of the... gap...between its pelvis and ribs, so, the gorilla SHOULD be less able to... bend...  than the human, yes?


precisely my point, because for some weird reason i have been actually assuming that I, who God said I get to choose my own kind of world, have been thinking that I have to be... bending over, to accommodate people that I do not like, et.c

Funny thing, right?

especially when I have been trying my best to be... 'merciful' to people that I have decided I WILL destroy, and NOT leave alive for whatever reason.

No, I have listened for too long to the lies of the holy spirit, and now, i will not do so any more. the 7 and 3 meant the original ten who were the reason, from 365 days ago, that I even began to realise that there was a distinct.. difference... between me and everyone else, and after that, I got the five,  the one and then the three, with the last being definitely the LAST I will ever allow into my life.

people I do not have to bend over and weaken myself in order to ... have. People I do not have to argue with, people i do not have to change, people that are themselves and acceptable as they are

nineteen women in all.

No more.

As for the other part, surely that meant the number of years, and the three years begin NOW, when I ... REFUSE to hold on to the lies and turn my back firmly, finally, irrevocably on these other women that were making me restless, and miserable.

I will kill these, and their families, et.c., et.c.


Another funny thing is that I do NOT have to worry about what happens to me anymore, because now, that my mind is made up, I can and DO, say that it is finished, NOW, God, let the path to my 'future home' be made plain, and let the people start dying whom I have decided will die, and spare for me the ones I said I want to take care of personally, like the osc, and my 'friends' tinashe, charles and such as have pissed me off, [not forgettin my cousin, yes?] and let my women come to me.

I would like it all to begin, like, NOW, please, because I am fed up with being under the microscope of these people, yesss!!!


I think that as soon as it filters into the brain of the premier or mayor of Cape Town or whatever is position of the occupant of the parliament house here in Cape Town, that the... BOSS... is here, the person should kindly leave a Jaguar XJ Sovereign right at the foot of trappiesklop walk, with keys under the front seat, full tank, and I will thus know that the people have vacated the building for me, and have, considerately, left me with... unlimited internet access to get on with my other business and other instructions, so that my day-to-day transcations will be unhindered.

Plus food. I have gone vegeterian, so no meats, and  I think that some kind of credit card will be necessary to enable me to go shopping as far from the nexus of my power as possible, yes?

Well, Father, You said, "Speak, Friend, and enter", and now, I have spoken, and I await You closing the door, and making sure that all is as I have chosen, down to the least detail.

YESSSS!


OH, and by the way, I am fully recovered, and so, so, so, so....

MAD

One rotten apple... or ten? I would rather have none

You know things are  bad, very bad, when you get woken up with the dismal 'cheering up' from The One Who Sees about "sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof"
Well, that is not very heartening, right?
because I was just thinking about stuff, and about the post "Cape... and Scowl", and realising that, from an... academic ... perspective, it is a LOT of compromise on my part, especially as I am as interested in these people... females... as...fuck, I would RATHER NOT have anything to do with them, except maybe toy with them till their time is over, and then kill them.

But God HAD to have His two cents worth put in, and I have thought about that, which is, after all, MY backbone in studying all these things, and I have concluded that He will probably huff and puff till I blow up unless I deal with this.

But the women piss me off, if THEY are the seven and three who, if they do NOT do as they seem inclined but as I... order... will be the reason why I get rid of the holy spirit's main contention; that the man and women are equal.

I, on the other hand, see myself just killing them off piece by piece, because, of course, they are all full of 'better options'. They all want to offer their own ideas into something, some space they actually violated by their transgression , and assume that I have even a tenth of a mind to ... listen to any of them.

I would rather have the nineteen and not mix the riff-raff that these ones are, than have these in the mix, because they spoil the whole lot, and i have such a prejudiced mind towards them that I am just as likely to kill them NOW without further provocation than wait for them to open their mouths to ... object... to anything I may say or... command.

because they have NO pull with me, no favour, and I blame God for their being even there, to begin with, because frankly I would rather just boil their significant others, and have them eat those, and then kill them, and say to myself that that is a problem that I will never ever again have to encounter.

i am trying to find out just why the fuck I should even bother trying to find out what is going on in their heads, when they HAVE shown me what they think of my words.

Must I wait till they see just how... embedded/embroiled... in God i am before they wise up and see that I am more fearsome than their little heads can even comprehend, and THEN have them willing to do as I demand, when in... effect I would rather they have NOTHING at all to do with me, period?


I hate these bitches, and while I have looked at ways to at least make sure that if they come along, they would NOT weary me too much, I am still more than half inclined to FIND an excuse to let the rage that each, from nicky?, allison, those others of the osc and the ones here in F/Hoek and the kalk bay girl, have sparked in me, and trust me, I would find a way if i wanted to, but only I am NOT that interested, at present, in focusing on stupid broads who assume that because they have brains they should show that they can outsmart me or offer 'better' solutions, like maybe have me look after their kids, even in absentia, because they are 'with me' so I 'owe' them.

I want it known, should any of them ever stray into my path, that I OWE them death, and would be very happy to pay up, promptly, at the least provocation,because i regard these women, all ten of them, as bad apples, and I do NOT want them to ever have the idea that there will ever come a day when i would find them welcome, because they did as they saw fit, when they thought the whole of creation was on their side, and I will ALWAYS remember, which is why I want it understood, even before i turn my back on them and seek my... dominion... that I have them in my crosshairs, and they already used up all three strikes, and they are living on borrowed time, ready to be destroyed at the least sign of them stepping out of line>

of course they could make it easier for me and just keep on sniffing their noses at me, and I will have the extreme pleasure of not mixing the ones that have pleased me with these ... pigs [because pigs eat anything and have no distinction of what is acceptable or not]... and i will be able to sleep in peace, without any worries of having what is MINE spoiled by what may try to... undermine... my peace

I sincerely hope to God that these females do NOT take it into their hearts to even come any closer to me, because then I suppose there will be those scenes of violence that I assumed were over... violence in my own house.

of course, what is interesting in the part of nicky? and her sister is that I WILL kill their brothers... anyway... and I hope that that is sufficient of a deterrent for them NOT to come any closer to me, and thus give me the extreme pleasure of forcing their stupid presumptuous mother to eat the kids she so stupidly wanted to offer me.

Now THAT will be a laugh!

oh, and dont forget solomon, faggot face, moto mia, tinashe... bla bla, right there in S/Town... and of course, the entire family that reared michelle!

Who's Head Honcho

Yesterday afternoon was bad. It got so bad that I crawled up to the foot of the Trapieskop Steps and sat down and gave God the finger.
Told Him that if He was weary of trying to stick to a promise of giving me fifteen years that I never asked of Him and will never even appreciate, then fuck it, let Him kill me now and be done with it; I was NEVER going to ask Him or beg Him for health or life. NEVER.

At any time He is welcome, both now and even at the end of the period, to take away His protection from me, because I will never ever hold on to a life whose purpose, point, I do not even get, so fuck it and fuck Him.

But He had said, and again with NO prompting from me, that He had had prepared a place for me, and now all I get is this runbaround. Must I have to fight Him to get Him to stop polishing His fingernails and do something about Fulfilling His word? Fuck, I KNEW Who I was talking to, more so that any of you people apparently appreciate, and when I SAY God, I know exactly the Being I amtalking about.

And it does not scare me none, because I never strolled into His territory and asked Him to do anything for me. Everything has been scripted by Him, and now, must I lickj His ass to get Him to do as He , without any pressure from me, promised?

Fuck Him, if He is so shallow.I went up the mountain, reflecting that He had posted something on my HUD earlier in the day, as I struggled and slipped down the hill,and it had been  

WOLVERINE

the Weapons-X trained mutant with 'extraordinary healing powers', an axe to grind with anyone, and, of course, a killer.


but , as I said, I went to sleep, fed up with the whole business, but still, thinking, and deciding that God's advice NOT to destroy Khayelitsha, if only forthe reason that some Zimbabwean guys are staying there, was... sound, so, I decided that it would only be the tope echelons of the ANC that I would destroy, all the black -and thus, xenophobia supporting- members, because if they had NOT supported it they would have acted decisively, dealing with the murderers, but then,what are zimbabweans but cannon-fodder, right?

So, the president and his entire cabinet, if they are ANC, will die, and the party be abolished, which means,fortunately, I will NOT have to stay on that blasted mountain waiting for it to happen, but will probably make my way closer to cape town for the day when the parliament house is left open for me, as soon as it is established who is behind the deaths.

I slept, and then, near dawn, I got woken by the start of a song, like when the teenage mutant ninja turtles theme  song starts, that rock-metal tone, see?

and the words that came after were

(first voice)
This is Gumboy
the king of shanko

(another voice)
and this is Rumble
the essence of survive

And the voice of 'Rumble' went on to sing for a whole thirty seconds, or so, and then, at the end, as soon as he finished, with the words

Gumboy and rumble
the king of shanko and the essence of survive

there were the lightning flashes and the thunder that I am sure everyone around Kalk Bay saw and felt,for about five minutes.

Understandably, knowing Who was doing this, I was NOT really impressed, but I did at least take comfort in the fact that He must have finished polishing His nails tillthey needed no more of His attention;- POINT:- God seems ready, finally to move>

As for the Gumboy thing, really, it is simple, right?Gums are what you see when someone is like...this

apparently I can not get the hulk, but no matter, you have seen him angry, right?

And that is ANGRY, and anyway, just to cap it all, 'king shanko' is the name that capleton, the jamaican crazy musician, gave himself.

And my 'keeper' is the 'RUMBLE'character, which derives from the fact that he is a voice, and , like I have said, is the reason I am alive. and have this extraordinary recuperative ability even when what I taek in could kill any... ordinary... person.


So,k fuck it, whther you like it or not, MY word is law, and MY WILL stands.

Forget about God coming to your aid, or even fighting me for YOUR sakes.

I am leaving soon , for a place I can at least have a shower/bath in, and then I am coming for my revenge, personally.

Wanna argue with me, be my guests.

Or start praying, if it will help.

Gumboy is soon to be on the prowl, oh yesss!

Going Wrong

This will probably be a short post, because I am not only as weak as a kitten, but I am trying to get my priorities aligned.
Yesterday, I went, as usual, to the beach, where this guy, a christian from Fullies Gospel church, joined me and, since we normally met at the library but never talked, I was surprised that he would chose to talk to me then and make mention of the small pieces I was busy with.

Then he spoke of jesus,  but first of all said that to God I was the best work He had ever made, and that He loved me very much, but, well, you knpw me and my past with Him; I was polite, but not very interested.

Then the guy said he was going to buy some potato chips,, and would I mind if he shared them with me, and I said, well, I would not mind, I was a bottomless pit.

he went came back, and had a packet each for the both of us, and I just had a bite, and I felt nauseous. I had to rush to the toliet, but never made it in time -and one can not blame the tomato sauce, which I do not like, so I did not put it in- and vomitted on the pavement, on the steps, and on the grass.


And for the first time in my life,  I KNEW I was wrong about something, because THESE things never happen to me when I am being completel;y honest.

See, even though I have tried to say something else all this time, my ... life revolves around my mother,and I love that silly woman, and I can not just brush away the fact that she DID look after me, and tried her best to get me the best educationn on noffer, and I can not throw that away, even if she id make my life miserable.

I can NOT directly look after her;- it is too late for that, but I suppose that, when all is said and done, I MUST have the zimbabwean president make sure she and my dad get the best of the best in treatment, otherwise there will be more than hell to pay.

The reason I say this is that my nausea got worse as I walked to the mountain, and I think I took about 2-3hrs just to get to my sleeping place, and having no food to cook anyway,  and no appetite, I just lay down in my sheet, covered myself and went to sleep in the afternoon.

Slept like the dead, and woke up when it was early evening with the moon pointin out that the sun was more to the west than the east.

Tried to light a fire and failed, after a succession of attempts, and then finally asked God that, if I was wrong about something, then please lets stop mucking about, if I fail this time, I will KNOW for sure, and true enough, I failed, but even as I finished praying, there is a song by Oliver Mtukudzi that has a line that goes

chengetai mai na baba
(look after mother and father)

and it hit me then.

I went to... sleep... if you could call it that, with cramps in my leg, dry heaving, and with my fingers freezing, and ... well, as I said, I am re-evaluating my priorities.

I never though I COULD be merciful, but I suppose I am.

Still, I live a fucking wretched life.


Must be the water with all the green slime that I had at the mountain- top over the weekend. Because everything down there came out all watery and green. And up here I was letting out all the rice and cabbages I had had same time.

I am sick of the place.

Cape... and Scowl

 After struggling with the concept even after I had ... said it... I have come to the astonishing realisation that, when all is said and done, God is a... PACIFIST
it would have been nice if I could say, after all, that well, the visions I have had about certain women, all of them quite explicit or quite inescapably relevant, were false, and not from Him, but suddenly, after all i have tried to do has failed, I have come back to the grim, saddening realisty that it WAS, after all, God Himself that sent these things.

Understandably, I am NOT amused.

Now, I was quite ready to move on, but when stories started cropping up about even basics like finance, and the fact that the things i had set my sights on seemed to suddenly bog in the mud, I KNEW that the deliberate obfuscation was NOT from any other source but God, because He is intent on keeping me from, basically killing everyone offhand.

I said i had found for myself 19 women, and wanted no other, and was set to move on, when things all started going south. I had given the horse to some lady with a phone so that the other lady could call and collect it, and she sent a message she was sick and unable to come to F/Hoek, and I was like, OK, God WTF? Am I to starve here so You can prove Your point?

I do NOT want any of these women, any of the ones You seem to want me to take on so that I do not just kill off everyone, and so, just leave me alone, I have had my fill of women , for ever, and need no more, so THERE!

Anyway, I said, if You force these on me I will just kill them and abuse them, because i can not forget, and anyway, when there are so many women in the world, why should I bother with these ones that have already crossed the line?

You know i can not forget nor forgive, so why bother me with the people I have washed my hands of?


But, then, that is the problem;- I can NOT forget.


And I have this annoying habit of always wanting to get to the bottom of everything so I will, probably have to, like, face nicky? someday to see if it ever REALLY happened with her that she even contemplated ho0w difficulot it would be for her to 'take care' of me when she had already been just barely able to raise her daughter;- not that I need taking care of, it is just that is how it was reported to me.

And also the girl with the guy in Kalk Bay, did she really think those things I was told she does, or is it all a lie?

of course, my way of finding out is the... destructive kind, preferably over coals, a syringe or some kind of dentist's cahir, without the anaesthetic, of course, and then I will take everyone apart, and not bother putting them together again, see?

Anyway, the POINT is, God said things about things, and I said things to God about things, and I saw what I saw and I ended up with a whole lot of confusion, like, for example with nicky?

frankly, I hate her, for what she DID concerning me, and God says she is NOT really to blame, because, apparently things were put to her in such a way by michelle that she felt it her... duty... to intervene, see?

But I consider only what she DID, and that, as far as I am concerned, merits her death. NO extenuating circumstances permitted.

of course, if she was, for example to take her life into her own hands, and actualy separate herself from her  brother 'tell them leave that man alone' and her mother, I might permit her to have some kind of life with me, but, as I pointed out earlier, I would always remember, and the ONLY other reason I would even let her near me would be if the sister with  the nice ass was to come along.

the alternative is that I kill not only their brothers (who are dead anyway), but the mother as well, after letting the mother eat her granddaughters, of course.

Then I would have the problem of being around people who, even if they... OBEYED me, would always know that I PERSONALLY killed their brothers, but then, choice is, brothers, or mother and daughter(s).

they choose, see!

I do not particularly care; as I said, I have my fill of women, already.

then the kalk bay girl, the one about whom the ... bait... thing was spoken. Today I bumped into her, and she actually speaks with a sort of French acccent, and while that is in itself interest, because her spech is therefore not rough, again, the point is, woman, the time for option C is over. there is ioption A, you explain yourself to me at the edge of a sword, or Option B, you get yourself some distance from that guy, and then face me, because as far as i am concerned, two people, male and female, make a couple, and I like things to BE as they seem, not to have to wonder when I am not that interested, right?[which reminds me, I saw this other girl, who came, sat down near me at the table in the library on Monday two weeks ago, the day the asshole from S/Town came to the library, and as I asked her if she would read all the six or so books she had read, she said, no, not at once but in a week, then she leafed through one, and left. she had an ass like the frenchy-inkfish girl, and i was going to say something about HER when God did His 'do you have a mind of your own' thing, and I was stymied. But, IF I ever accept the inkfish girl, it would be with this one also, because I AM pissed off at her.]

because I am of the opinion that it would lessen my worries to just kill you, and have you have that guy for a meal anyway, so that ther willbe no more ambiguity, see?

Same goes for allison, but ONLY because I said something to God about her first, and she is the kind of person whose actions i have come to... despise, a lot. Waht conceit? She knew I had said something about her male comapnion and she had the gall to bring him to me!

These three women I actively, positively HATE:- nicky?, the inkfish girl, and allison.

but then,it gets queer, because Saturday i saw miss-I-know-it-all at the beach, with her son and some guy who seemed like he was being forced along against his will, and I wondered if I had actualy considered being involved with someone wlready involved with someone else, and also why God would have even allowed it to begin with, and the three came, sat near the 'stone' bench where I normally sit, and then walked past me while i ignored them. How they cane back I do not know, because I paid no attention to them. But it was only as i was walking away from the beach that I saw them again, the guy some distance off, the be-spectacled woman standing on her own, and the kid on some bench, and the two grown ups looking ill at ease, the male seeming to wish he was anywhere but where he was, and I chortled to myself that she had hooked an unwilling fish.

that was, of course, before i concentrated on the woman's legs, in those trouser-stocking things that promise that the real flesh is even thicker than the stockings thingies make them, and I wondered, why now, God? Fuck I do not NEED this appeal to my libido right now, I am thinking tunnel vision, thinking blood, not lust.

But, as i said, i can not forget, and i... intend to find out whats what, and kill her if possible for insulting me, or just take her along if she lets go the kid, becasue with me its all or nothing, all for me, or nothing at all.

then there is, in the same vein, the daughter /sister of that come-to-church woman, I am using stringman tactics here, but what the fuck! I liked the girl, and IF the woman had been readin my posts, and thus invited me to church because she thought she could get my mind sorted out right, she has another think coming, because I am not a negotiating type of person. She is unacceptable to me because of her facial hair, and she DID insult me by consistently bringing her son with her and THEN showing that she knew it mattered to me when she last appeared, so she KNEW what she was about and chose to ignore it, maybe because she felt she could get me to change and be what she wanted. Well, I will kill her, or take the girl, whom I liked and get going, sparing her and her kid's life.

then there is the girl with the interesting ... legs, well, toss the kid away, and i will accept you. NONE of the kid's welfare or welbeing is any of my concern, so, take it, or... well, join the league of the dead, because you HAVE shown that you tried to attract my attention.

Then there is the Latino, and my need for clarity, and trust me, I always wanted a latino, but did not want to have to go LOOKING for one, I prefer, I think, to groom my own women my own way, which is what i will do in the three years beginning now, and then go reap the rewards. I wanted a latino, I do  NOT have one on my menu, so you are it, or we ask pertinent questions about why you showed up in my path.

same goes for the little one with the red cheeks

I would not have taken any of THESE women seriously BUT for the fact that, when all is said and done, they are 7 and 3, 7 women I am rather attracted to, and three I would like to kill on sight, and then the 'ths' thing, see?

Hence the superman cartoon.


Cape and Scowl

Blood Again... But Later

Standing joke was, when writing shona compositions, especially letters, one would, after the salutation, say, 'to begin with, I would like to say...'
Well, I would like to say I am finding everything ... funny.

I had NOTHING at all to say today, just that I am relieved the girl who formerly wore glasses did NOT show up in my path today, and I was laughing myself silly about the 'bait' thing that God spoke about... because it was all just either stay out of my way or I will boil your boyfriend and make you have him for supper... and I was really giggling like a piglet because I REALLY do not care either way... what I expressly do NOT want is to have anything to do with her.
Because the day she laughed, i had made up my mind to kill her and him, soon as I could, and then when there was this... intervention, I assumed the holy spirit was the cause, but then with the ... 'down under' thing... and 'mate', and 'tell her leave that man alone', I realised, again, just as with nicky? that this was God, up to His mollifying ways again.

because i had ALSO made up my mind before He started showing me the visions of nicky? as a person with less than total attention to details, that I would wipe out the whole family, and leave NO ONE alive.

Just as I had made up, a few days ago, my mind to kill my mother as well as the whole southern hemisphere.

till, of course, I worked out this simple thing, which was another of those 'Oh, I thought You meant this, but You really meant THAT' kind of moments, with God.

because, as you may have seen, MY attention to detail is NOT that... Good.

For example, I made a calculation error yesterday when I said last year was the beginning of the 3 years, when in effect it is THIS year. Last year was the year I... actually... stopped NOT living.

And ended up with women that, would you believe it, I do NOT have to be ashamed of having because they, one and all, rub my mother's face in it because THEY do not have that stranglehold on motherhood that she had, and really would like to just have someone to assume overall responsibility over them, women that would rather put their heads on my shoulders and sit in my lap, and so, i do not have to be... embarrassed about being anything with chicks like these.

the NINETEEN are the reason that I sit up from the parental bed, and put my feet on the ground, ready to ... move.They are the ones to whom "a son is given", and they are the ones who dwelt in darkness, and made it possible for me to get over the moral ground that I would kill MY mother while strangers who I had no bond of anything WITH... lived. Of course that was pathetic, because, try to kill me or not, SHE and my  father are the reasons I exist anyway, although i will find a way around their assumption that I owe them my life.

of course, I will kill my cousin, just for show, and the xhosas in Khayelitsha, and their president and probably entire cabinet, and WILL though, leave the western cape as is, provided the premier prepares the parliament house for me, a.s.a.p, and the women, which will happen as soon as I get this horse thing sorted and have a bit of money to enjoy the show

Which means I will only do a ... little... bloodletting, like the various presidents and the xhosas and the fools in the osc that I promised I would kill, just to get a taste of human blood, see, because REALLY, REALLY REALLY, I LOVE war.

But, see, God said, about all you other fools that is, "Not by power but by My spirit, says the God of War",and, as I have discovered this morning that the ONE thing that I will always do if God were so... forgetful... as to let His... Voice loose its hold on me, for even a second would be to seek MY own death;- since frankly I can NOT see the point to life, at all; then I HAVE to FIRST go to MY place, which means obama dies, and whosoever till I get to the current secretary of state, if she still is the one, because then SHE will have to prepare a place for me, and spend three years trying to get the shit-spirit's hold on mine off, while ALSO making my own means of transportation [finally] and pissing everyone off on-line at the same time... and THEN I will come over to other places and raze entire continents to the ground, those that do not have anything in them that I may want, like, for example, pretty women that, THIS time, are virgins and not because they have had no offers.

So, of course, there will be blood again when THIS God of War comes back, and my second coming will be at the tender age of 33, which is the time that your christ had his first going , was it not?

ha ha!

then of course, there is this woman I was unwise enough to challenge God about, allison, who, in retrospect, I should just have ignored, because when i saw the last woman, i needed none of HER (allison)

thing is, in contrast with this presumptuous butt-head's mom, allison looks fine, if you  discount her face and her long neck and her posturing like she is god's best gift to mankind. And i WAS depressed, and thinking that God really was just driving me along, [when in truth I am really NOT concerned, I am like the kid with matches, looking for any excuse to set things on fire;- if I can not die, then, of course, everyone else does, since I can NOT share the planet with people, as I regard everyone as an intruder] and then allison shows up, with NONE of the ridiculous shoes she usually ears, nor the stockings, with her feet as they are, and I liked the fact that she had at least heard me, although of course it was kind of like, the submit-or-die kind of choice, which, apparently, i AM giving out still, [oh this is fucking preposterous], and I shouted at God that if he REALLY was The Lord, The God of All Flesh as He likes to call Himself, then let Him show Me how He can do something... unscripted ... and give me this woman.

Since last Friday, though, I have had reason to regret THAT, because, of course, if she were to show up anywhere near me, I promise that I would kill her.

I think it is better for everyone if i just kill the fools that I decided, roast those that I have to, and then depart.

Because I have learnt ONE thing, that indeed, in God we live and move and have Our being, and existence exists in Him, and EVERYTHING that happens is scripted by Him; - it is just  more... obvious with me because He and I are irreversibly linked, and as He pointed  out to me this morning, He can understand, more than anyone else in existence, since I can not even explain the gloom that surrounds me, which has NOTHING to do with whether anyone smiles at me or not, or cares or not, or I am hungry or not;- how it feels to be alone.

Ok, then so I wont destroy S/Town, because -conveniently- One of the ten lives there.

But, as for Zimbabwe, well, I will lay one burden on mugabe.

He better make sure, if he does not want to have a death worse than anything that he could imagine, that my sister stays alive, and if that means getting the whole country broke so that she gets the best of everything, then so be it, because if she dies, then everyone, regardless of whether it is my mother or whoseover, in that country or from that country, DIES.

Now, how is THAT for un-fucking-reasonable?!


Ha, Blood again!

this is for the mujaheddin
suicide bomber tell me who sent them...Mess with the King
@ your own peril