Right On The Brink...

MeI do not care much, and I was waiting for my departure, and I was ready to... leave... so I did, in the meantime, the one thing I can do, and as I slept, well, ... um... He spoke, and it was this, actually
recommenδ  a little, (notice the delta means change, change backward a bit, think back) but it was not forward slanted like this, just backward, and so, I realised, a little later, that she NEVER took me for a child, she was rather so wrapped up in her 'brother' to have time for me.
that just saved the asshole's life. That is also what just made me decide that I am not going to go on a killing spree, as of now, because apparently, the rule still applies to me, "never send to know for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for you".Aside from that, I am at a loose end. My landlord sent solomon to try to talk me out of leaving, guess I am not so terrible at that, and I do not know what else to do.
fuck, this woman really has me wrapped under her thumb, hasn't she.
Guess I am stuck here, a bit.
cant say I am not relieved, but hell, I am not so sure what to do with myself.
Other thing was, that 'samaritan' day, well, the woman was at the well, in broad daylight, and she was told, this guy is NOT your husband, and also, well, five husbands? Ah, now we getting somwhere? No husband, I am just jealous, and hell, I love her like crazy, this outcast!I need a song

I need you in my life...

Since I am So... Paranoid

I do not assume that anyone will see things my way, so, I have just a little bit of stuff I wanna say.
First, I will begin with the bible text that God said would happen to ME.
Isaiah 6: 1-13
First the king who tried to be both KING and also an unappointed priest died that... year. While, according to custom, his son was ruler in everything but name.
The Lord of the earth was seen by the... eventual messenger and he had a robe that filled the entire temple (think, the temple was totally FULL of him, he filled everything in THOUGHT, no gaps), but above him, meaning looking over the crown of his head, meaning they thought they could read his mind, and knew better than him wha' are gwaan up, were two creatures whose faces were covered, whose feet were covered, who flew to who knows where without seeing where they were going, and one of these said to the other, holy, holy is the LORD God, the earth is full of His glory.
NOT necessarily THE person that was seated beneath them, they were saying God, YHWH, is great.
the eventual... messenger goes, something like, fuck, I am doomed, because I have just seen the warlord, the lord of the earth. Don't worry, here burn this to your lips (make them insensitive, that is) and its all good and covered. it was all in the name of the game, anyway. The BOSS of the earth THEN says, who shall I send, who will go for US, and the messenger, whose eyes are not so easily covered, goes, here I am, send me, and then he goes, go, telling THIS people (wonder if the creatures knew they themselves were included) that they will see and not really get it... because I want to destroy them. there is nothing like clinging to straws to get buoyancy when you know you are sinking, huh?
Since I am on a roll, though, I will now, because I am not interested in anything else, deal with THAT vision I went into so much detail over, that one of my grandfather's homestead, and the words from the song by TOK, footprints, I will load it up here although I cant  hear it since I am at masi library, or, better yet, just skip it, because the words themselves are about when "sister Jacqueline" lost her brother over sea view garden and "every day and every night she still are ask the Father why, her brother had to die/ she hear a voice reply/ when [he] cries I cry, I cry along with [him]... remember that post?
Right, so, in the grandfather vision, this woman, my 'sister' was looking towards the first grandmother's hut, her kitchen, because she wanted to be in it. Guess she assumed that she could resolve what was wrong with everything if she could just ... fit in, but then, when I walked out of the second kitchen, she slammed the door and covered herself, see? Self contained.
anyone get it?
I say I am leaving, and the woman who thought I ought to be cooked again, a child that was wrong, shuts the door and looks to the other exit, towards my father's house, while she has pink eyeshadow, like everything has to be seen as violet sees it. Oh, come ON!
This is the deal, see, I am saying I am leaving, would have liked to have sex with this woman, and maybe stay for a week with her and go, and she is like, the mother, aha, now we have him, we can use that to keep him, and eventually drive from the exit he thought he could take and then go round and drive up to what we really want, that he does not kill my son, see? that is what God was driving up to all along, see, so don't worry, all you have to do is sacrifice your ... dinges ...between your legs, and we shall hook him to us, see?
they don't really GET that other part, where I am NOT going to BEAR a son. remember the captain planet like statement by the green alien?
"by your powers combined I am..."
and then, instead of him going "captain planet" ( fuck, I EXPLAINED the thing she, the woman I love, and them fools, had done  makd me ... snap, did I not?), as the earth freak says, he goes, "Find THEM!" and points with his left hand, and the scene shifts to me, in a thor cape, with that mass t-h-s and 7-3 on my chest, and grey body top, and I am moving so that my right hand is free and this woman with the dark, close cropped hair is turning and looking UP to the green freak and is shocked, shocked enough to let go her role of restraining the RIGHT of the government firstborn. I mean, really? and underneath is a boy who is facing a bleak future because he knows his days are numbered and his God is nowhere to be found.
Now, which part is NOT clear?
Fool, do you think I want your sacrifice? That I will say that for the sake of sex, I will do as you want? DO YOU honestly assume that I am that childish, you little fool? I pointed out to you, that if you love me, I will spare, from ALL your people, the five females, among them the bitch that is your misguided, hateful mother, and not even touch hair nor hide of her till I destroy everything that she and everyone else stands for, and then they will revert to dust and nothing more.
I do not do sacrifice. I will not force you to be with me.
You have to decide for yourself, with the right reason, that being that you do not want to deceive yourself or others anymore, that you are in this for love, and nothing else, or by God, stay away from me, because I will NOT have any substitute for the real article. Drop all pretenses, or I will KILL you, if you come my way. THIS is MY time, and I have no time for games. Get used to the fact that I will allow no MORE games, and deal with that or stay away.
Jacqueline was the name of the girl I took to spite my mother my mistake, because I ended up regretting it., and stayed with, and she had a brother who was, funny coincidence, called, like my sister's firstborn, delight, and now, the thing is, this woman is prepared, like in that vision, to have me with her IF and only IF I am also prepared to have her brother in there, and he can help... support us, but all this while there is some form of mere friendship or something, with no real love.Ah, remember that Samaritans and jews will never eat at the same table? Well, that is what it all meant? Remember that I would NOT bear a son? that is what it all meant also. Remember the coloured guy called elroy that had the gate closed to him? that is what it all meant also. Now, which part of all this do you NOT get?Want to play games with me, woman? really? want to take me like a fool, because you think you KNOW my needs? Do you think you are esther to save your people?think five. If that shoe fits, wear it. If not, lose it, and we shall never see each other again, because I tell you, as things stand, I am going to have crash course in flying, and if 'crash' well, I hope they have plenty of the planes in that airbase. YEAH-SSS

For Whom the Bell Tolls

So, I am coming to the internet cafe and I am going, 'well, its about time'- never mind how I am feeling, you can see it if you look outside, and I am thinking, while waiting for history3destiny.blogspot.com to load up, I will listen on another tab to elephant, on line, and while I am hashing up the things to say, up comes, first, this commercial above, and well, the whole thing just gets to me.
When was the last time you did what you wanted?
I am going to wonder if I will ever get to do what I want, ever, because all my labour has gone down the drain. I told my landlord that I was leaving tomorrow morning, and I would have done so happily, but brian, in a bid to show that he is not to be intimidated, decided, probably while at work, that he would bring back some of the pieces that he had bought outright from me earlier, because they were 'not selling' just so that he could avoid paying the balance he owes me, and I have had to send HIM again with thosepieces to vinnie, and explain stuff to him about what I am about to do so, PLEASE help me pay the arrears in rent so I can leave tomorrow. I owe exactly R100.
Funny, all that.

Because what I want is just a few miles away and she probably would be going, 'good riddance to bad rubbish'

its about that time
take the dance hall like you are step on crime
keefer teach it to them one more time
Richie Stevens and elephant this is a bad line
this is a bad line
you are look like you are blind
take the dance floor and chime the online
Now, the thing is, ofcourse, I can NOT get through to people that I REALLY can not be stopped, they keep on expecting me to be.... brought to my senses by God. I am supposing that they think that, when I said I reacted violently to God and decided that I would NEVER serve Him, I would, like jonah, be brought to a point when I look up to God and say, OK, God, I will do as You please because I am tired of being in the whale's belly.
Then none of them KNOW anything about me. I NEVER give up, and I will NEVER bow down to God, or to anyone, because

been through the worst and never we give up, 
[Solid;- you heard that!]
Always we live up
never we give up never we give up

all those times that we are survivor

and we blessed coz our God are we Provider

and when the posse them are put up a fight

we nuh give up we are survive we survivor

many men rise and many men fall
at the end of it all we will stand tall
never we back down
never we stall
man stand firm like the great china wall
big moves we  are make and we never fall
anything we do presidential

See, I was born with my back against the wall, and I will NEVER, ever quit fighting for MY identity, which means I am prepared to take one everyone and everything for what I believe in,and I do not stop or backslide for anything or anyone. I am the hardest and the toughest thing in existence, and no one and nothing can break me. So, the thing is, I find the bell tolling for me, because I am faced with going without the love of my life, and hell, that is like, well, working under the mine, mining what is not mine. i have watched all my labour just go down the drain, because she belongs to a self contained community, and that matters more to her than anything else. I mean, OK, it is crazy to assume that she will WANT to be with me, especially as I am dead set to destroy THAT entire self contained community since I am using that as a means to imprint MY intent, that I am NOT God's servant, that I will NEVER do people and service, et.c, you have heard it ad nauseum, but still, well, she would be right, would she not, toshy away from such a person? After all, everyone wants someone reasonable, right?

I will NEVER do anyone any favours. I know what I could do for people if I wanted to, but the single most important factor that people seem to NOT get is that I do NOT want to, and I will therefore NEVER let anyone or anything make me DO anything I do not want TO do, it is that simple.

You all have built yourselves a very big solid wall which you think will never be levelled, by anyone, and you hide behind it. Hell, I am good at the impossible, and I intend to level the entire thing, because I will NEVER do anything else. Unlike troy, I do not NEED a horse to do that, I will take all that apart MYSELF, the entire world, and leave nothing in it that I am not happy with, simply because I do not and will NEVER do ANYTHING because someone assumes that factors, reason or whatever will MAKE me do something, hell, NO!
the maverick does not do favours, and recognises no bosses. He pulls down high places, and leaves no stone above another. THAT is fact. You are about to see that.

I KNOW what people are expecting of me and I will NEVER do it. I will break all the rules!

There are no pacts between lions and men.
NEVER!
YEAH-SSS!
Well, I would have loved something like a week of bliss with the woman Ilove, but hell, dreams, dreams dreams.
guess I am headed for the nearest airbase to get my hands on the c-130 hercules That would be at ysterplaat, where i have just noticed there IS a hercules, yeah-ss!

Just So That Nothing is ... Clouded

Me, I don't give a fuck, really. Anyday, any time I am prepared to lay my life on the line, and die, even if I am wrong about stuff, because I do not care about life, and never have. This, this thing with God, is ONLY because ... He... cheated.
And made it impossible for me to die.Before I even knew about it.
Which means that I basically never saw stuff the way you do, and I do not even WANT to settle down and live life.
But this life, this is what I HAVE, and what I have is MINE, and I am NOT prepared to compromise it with or FOR anyone. Get THAT straight.
God did not DO anything to me to make me THIS person. All He did was close the one door that I was looking at, that well, was made available for me by my mother, and then, some 15 years later, He tapped me on the door, and unlocked all the memories.

So, my point with all this is, since all I am doing NOW is think and processing the visions and all that has been happening in order to just see if I left something out, it has, believe it or not, NOTHING to do with my mother, not here, not now. She affects me, like gravity, in her field, in her proximity. I KNOW that this woman thinks I am the way I am because I can not get over what my mother did to me so I need a surrogate mother. Ah, hell, open your eyes. I do NOT do windows.
I mean, I do NOT do 'transparent', OK?
I left my mother at home, and, well, so I may have carried her a bit with me, but her effect on me is something you effectively ended, when you decided that, so, is I had just been waiting here to then move on, and would you come with me, and you thought with disgust that this pathetic creature that you were taking 'pity' on could actually think so MUCH of himself that he would actually DREAM that he was even supposed to get into your panties and ... ugh... well, I will just SHOW him that he is worth nothing, and so, you did, right?
I mean, that is what all this is about, has been about, right, you, the woman who would look after me, the silly, misguided child who was hit on the head and still can not think straight, the misguided simpleton who desperately needs a guiding hand, yours, of course, just so that he can see straight and do the 'right' thing.
ha ha.
Well, we shall... see, shall we not?
So, you decided to hide behind some other guy, and well, let me show you something you should HAVE done, to make things clear, woman, to me, and put it beyond doubt.
One, you should have gotten yourself a real boyfriend.Because, see, while I am ALWAYS ready to throw in the towel, and say, fuck this, God, fuck You for bringing me into another mess, and fuck that, let me die, He, well, He is ever watchful, see, because as I sat with Vinnie after having decided to have my hair cut, and he was doing his bible assignment, and, before he even said what he was about to say, see, I just heard 'masamaria namajudha', part of a line from a song by a guy called, believe it, "mechanic" manyeruke (don't laugh, because even you guys had weird names, like 'cinderella' from 'cinders';-Grimm's fairy tales), which in totality goes, "masamaria nama judha, havambofa vakadyidzana", meaning "samaritans and jews will never eat at the same table" and straight after vinnie asked me where in the bible jesus and the samaritan woman had met. I said, without thinking, john 3, and then he looked it up, and we started arguing about it, and it was THEN that I started getting my pain fogged brain to work, and I figured out that this person I was seeing, unless God was faulty, was something other than he appeared, and so, I dug into my memory banks and so, there was the vision I had spoken of, and I started processing things, that so, well, these fools had been afraid of me, too afraid before, because of everything that was going on, and with the effects that were following, like the weather and my devil-may-care attitude, and so, would NOT openly come against me unless in isolated occasions and even then, warily, because of the fact that I was so... aggressive and so unreasonable, but they were now so ... sure... of themselves because I had shown myself weak in a certain area and I had DARED, so insignificant as I was, to mention that I thought that I, a mere ... NOTHING... could have a person, a descendant of the tribe of God's FRIEND, of the man after GOD's heart, just to add salt to the wound, could be taken by a mere beggar?
So, you decided to show me what is what, because I am NOTHING.
Oh, well, see, only problem with all that is... GOD, ABRAHAM, and all and sundry, mean absolutely NOTHING to me, and well, right now, I am ... THINKING ... of just how to punish you all for that.
And guess what, I do not even have to ... sleep... with a jew, anyway.
Did I tell you before that I absolutely HATE jews.
BECAUSE of God.
So, technically, what you were out to ... prove... well, it worked out for you.
No, I will not KILL you, no, I loved the person, and I THOUGHT the person loved me,but obviously, appearances are deceiving.
That, the love I had for the sexy woman whose looking at me melted my heart, well, that I can not erase from my memory banks.
BUT, the JEWS I hate.
Fill in the blanks about what I will DO to the jews, and then,start having nightmares, because it will be MUCH, MUCH worse than you can imagine.
Me, I do not do 'bosses'.
Which means that the FIRST and WORST mistake anyone can do is TELL me what to do, or try to DIRECT me in what to do.I will make such a person PAY.
Get it?
Now, there is a script in the bible that goes, "I dwell in deepest darkness, but with him also who is humble and contrite of heart" and that was God. Me, I am the same, and the REASON I even looked twice at you is that you, in your PERSONAL approach to me, have ALWAYS, always, always, looked up to me first to see if I was in the right mood.  That is what impressed me. I do NOT have any time for anyone who thinks he or she can walk all over me, and even when you have defied me, the way you have done it has been a humble way, and THAT is 100% the reason why I extended the hand ... offer... of love, to you.Because I knew I could bear you, and no one else.
Now, if you point out to me that that person does not exist, then, well, I am free to just do as I will and never have to worry about you being hurt, right? because I saw what was NOT there, see?
Have a good life, whats left of it.
The WarLord is OUT!

Thor's Day

everybody are online

its about time

everybody are on line...

alright put it down fine...

let me teach them one more time...

I am not one for 'dates' but when a thing suits the season and the time, well, I would be the last person not to connect the dots, and well, i suppose it is time to just say it like it is and WHY it is like it is.
i have, technically, prepared myself and packed whatever is necessary for my departure, and the thing is, all I need is that which I have not stated as the driving force, and that is what i am stating now.
Now, let me put it this way. God showed up in my life, and I did NOT ask  for Him to come into my life, and that meant that either He wanted something from me or He wanted NOTHING from me. So, I was caught between the two, especially more so when I realised that He had never just come and just said 'hi' to anyone like He did to me. He was always all business, and spoke His mind
In short, I grew... uncertain, and more so when He then went on, after a while to show me the vision that I can say was the most defining one of my life, to date, the 'he was not, for God took him", one, where i was shown in a sort of theatre stage, and I was shaking not just my body  but my head, at the end of the stage, with my back against a wall and people gathered, looking at me, on stage (alright, on-line, I mean, I can not resist, what with 'elephant' man) and then a light burst forth from me as I danced my weird dance and with a drum-beat, single boom, I ... disappeared... and then, afterwards i was looking at myself standing in the audience with some person seated beside me, and I was saying, 'he was not, for God took him', and while i was still busy looking at the vision, i sort of stopped dreaming and was asking myself, 'and where the fuck does He want me to go TO?", and the whole thing cut off, and i woke, and i was VERY upset. So, God 1) comes into my life, unannounced, and THEN 2) He decides that I am not suitable to dwell on this planet so I MUST be sent elsewhere when put in a corner so that I do not trouble people, like I am too much to handle, so why the fuck did He bother with me anyway, and 3) Who the fuck is He to plan my END? So He does have some plan for me? It is NOT me that He wants, but something else, yes? And this is a reward for some service that  I MUST do so that He can remain with His people after He has used me to stir them up?
So, in short, I decided that, 
1)God must be MINE, alone, or fuck that, I will not have anything to do with HIM
2)I will NOT turn my back on this planet and leave it for anyone else 

3) I will NOT serve Him to bring people to Him. NEVER.

Thus was born the firstborn who rules, and now, well, you know, and well, I have been fighting to have THIS thing, this decision come to reality. Now, you know that I am just a jealous guy, and well, when people decided that it was too much for them to see me go the way that they did not want, I snapped, and when the woman I love saw that i was telling her that I wanted nothing to do with her ... in her life... and that all she would be left with was having ... sex... with me, she, because she is so much ... better... than me, decided to stage that demonstration, and, like any woman scorned,  she was ready to throw everything away. But hell, NO ONE is going to force me to buckle down and turn from the resolve i made, the resolve that started defining me when I encountered God.
So, yesterday, after my post, I did not even bother trying to find out whether anyone was paying attention, I actually had a bust-up with brian after he had come back empty handed, or so he said, because i assume that he, like vinnie, assume that i am just having a temper tantrum and will not really LEAVE, and I had told him that, since the landlord has been, or operates on a flexible rent-paying schedule, where one does not have to pay rent at the beginning of the month but must have paid it all by the end of the  month, and I had given brian some pieces so that i finish the balance before the last day of the month so that i can then be free to go with nothing owing, and i am DEAD set on that, and he then said that i should go to kalk bay and see vinnie, maybe i could get some money, well, I , for the first time ever, let him see the other side of the normally soft person he has seen to date, and well, i am thinking that he will pay the remainder of my money and then I am going.
because the 1st of the month, I intend to be roaming.
How? Well, same way i have always operated. I just WALK out, and well, God did remind me of something that I had stopped paying attention to since i have been rooted to the spot, "when a man's ways please the LORD, He makes even His enemies to be at peace with Him".
Not his sitting, but his 'ways'. I believe in not standing for what i believe in, but in MOVING for what I want, and so, I am eager to ... move, because God only shows how He stands by His word if I put Him to the test, and I am NOT interested in NOT putting Him to the test, to see just where He is, and what He wants from me. Is it ME He wants or something from me.
Guess that is what defines even my outlook as far as this woman is concerned. hell, I am as prepared to jettison her in a heartbeat if it turns out that she wants me to bow down to her or to live some kind of lie that is at odds with how i view life. NO way.  So, I am NOT going to sit around and wait for her to start telling me just what kind of asshole I am and what i will be missing on.
heck, far as I stand now, I am going to leave her alive, but the rest of them, ah, well, let us say that they have never seen a fury like the one that is about to be unleashed now, because God deliberately made me decide that this WORLD is mine, and I will KEEP it, since what comes before the 'he was not, for God took him' is after 'after he had lived 65 years, enoch walked with God 300 years...', and so, I am either going to have to  WALK or not have God to be 'pleased' with me. I have sat down too long. the maverick is moving out, and i am putting my neck on the block and doing what I believe in.
And anyone else's opinion really does not matter, not in changing my decision, because "its about time, shizzle mannizle/ everybody are on-line..."

poison dem mind
harden them ears
see say  that the whole are dem are cursed
babylon poison dem mind...
me tell them to change them ways



straight forward

we are straight forward

forward we are go move 

and we never move backward

brotherly and sisterly love

Funny Thing About... Dates

One thing I do so love about people is the complete inability to process... change.
now, here I am, telling everyone that I just revealed myself as I am, explain so fully the fact that God will cover my back while I curse Him and do all manner of complete badness on the planet because, well, -for crying out loud- to quote Him, "In Him we live and move and have our being, and existence exist in Him, and to him who sees will go the crown",[duh,  I did just say I keep myself focused on HIM to prove Him wrong, did I not? and I am therefore the ONLY one to 'see' God] as I explained He told me, only I did not add that there was a woman... actually, let me put it this way, I was standing at the gate of my father's house, walking OUT and in front of me was a pair of woman's eyes, and forehead outside the gate, (and since the gate road was a bit above the level of the ground and the woman was hovering over the road, she was above me, meaning reading my mind)  above a sheet, a grey sheet, like a news-spread, and she was looking at me dubiously, and there was THAT statement.
Fuck, I SAID I stopped paying lip service to God and showed myself as I am, already, and she still does not get it. OK, what do you expect from me, my... love?
let me show you something then, about something you already know, also, and for crying out loud, listen up, and DO something because, well, the funny thing about dates is, technically, I do NOT have to act on my birthday, my .... year ...starts the FIRST day of the month that I was ... born.
So, do you get it?
today is the 26th, Wednesday.
tomorrow will be the 27th, Thursday
the day after will be the 28th, Friday, the following day will be the twenty... no, it WILL be Saturday, the first of march.
"Oh no, by SATURDAY everyone will KNOW me?"
Ring a bell?
For fuck's sake!
I was busy trying to work, and of course I was thinking about everything, and about the fact that the woman I love was busy trying, all this time to unite two camps that were at odds. the first one believed itself right, supported by God, based on History, of course, because-and get this, fools think that God would support people against ME by giving THEM ammunition, from me, to do ME harm- and they were busy trying, first, to mould me into what they wanted me to be, and then, after they saw how single minded I was becoming, they decided to recruit you, because of course, what you feel/felt and how I was affected by you was so very obvious, and so,, let me guess, they tried to get you  to get me to become a weakling, so they could manipulate me as they wished, and I was growing more and more antagonistic and I suppose they grew scared when they saw the unnatural effect even the weather was experiencing because of me, and so, they maybe talked you into getting me to 'go back home', by doing the one thing they thought would sever the link between me and you, especially as I was talking about the US, yes? And you kissed that guy, right as planned. he MUST be your brother, same nose, and the fact that everyone was left so unsure of themselves when they discovered that things did NOT go according to plan, not even with... you. because you showed a bit of what you thought even then, when I went after red-breeches, that opportunist, to tell her to grow up and if I saw her again I would kill her. Now, NO ONE ever thought to ASK why God would even LET me have power over the weather if He was against me, because it makes NO sense, but I suppose you never thought of that either. All you were doing was running on  adrenalin, afraid to love, afraid to let go, because the heart IS the most sensitive of all... parts, isn't it. I still remember every time you looked at me, and how you waited up for me from the train station, and how I just loved seeing you, it made my day, and I still remember the second time you passed by and looked me in the eye, after I persisted with that squid chick, and you came unnoticed, and I saw that your nose was red, like the last time I saw you up close when I was actually thinking, this is the end, but when God, my enemy, Who according to YOU all, is against me, said, even as I wanted to despair and I was walking in fear that it was over reminded me of, "there'll be times when we'd be on different times but that's not gonna last too long", and anyway, your nose was red. I hear that white people get red noses from weeping. I do NOT say that you were weeping, but that you were like I was, ... eh... weeping inside, at all of IT Trust me, my love NONE of these people you want to reconcile me to actually WANT you and I to be together, and well, I suppose that it is time you became the ... daughter of zion... and came OUT of the people, just as I am the .... son of man.
rejoice greatly O Daughter of zion, for behold, your king cometh, humble and lowly, having justice, seated on a colt, the foal of a donkey.
One person. for One man, YOU,ME and the combo is unbeatable.
I fell for you, and that was never gonna change, from the first time I saw that look in your face, and well, you may want to make me change, but hell, THIS, this impossibility that I am, IS the future, and nothing else.
I mean, HOW can I know any of these things, my precious, if I do not have God WITH me, and for ME.
come on, admit that you love me, because the God of War is moving out, and I want you with me, and while I may not like NOT having you with me, I will never force you nor coerce you.
know however that what I promised, even that first time I was challenging God, that I would make those who stood against me suffer, WILL come to pass. Ok, I think we can talk about that, about your mother and sisters, but NOT about the rest of the fools, the males. It is a male dominance thing, and they had the balls to stand against me, well, fools, "quit ye like men" and pay the price. I will NOT let the insults GO, oh hell, not when you decided to show me just how insignificant I AM, right?
well, suffer the rather insignificant consequences, because I have an insignificant corner of hell all prepared for you fools.
Anyway, I got nothing more to say except that I am going to kill these fools, and then I am going to kill my mother and the rest of these people that I do not want to see spend an eternity In hell last, and then, about that water business...!
it is that weird, and hell, God said "be yourself", and I was telling you that this is myself, and so, what will you do about it? I fucking love you, completely, and unchangingly, and you ARE the best thing to ever happen to me. I mean, I never thought I would get to that because love is something that I never thought I could have, and I suppose that the power you have over me is as obvious as... the day, now.You alone can harm me, but I wonder if you would not harm yourself as well. you tied my hands, my love, and anyway, I never could come seeking you, because all this is impossible, and I do not want to see myself hurt that way anymore. So, well, decide. I love you.
And I really, really would like to kiss those lips of yours,. another reason why I will KILL that asshole, because he wanted me to SEE that, yes?
now, will you treat the Don Gogon like a kid, or let your mother's prejudices poison you against me? who, my love, do you tell when you love someone and hope that someone is in love with you?
ring any bells? woman who wanted the texas ranger to come to her home, and made it seem like a date, because she wanted him to 'meet' some other law enforcement official? there can be only one LAW, and I am it.
Yeah-sss!
Oh, hell, I love you, and you KNOW that. Do not pretend you do not. you know how I react when I see you, and you have monitored me, and no one has ever had that effect on me, and you can SEE that.
this is the genuine article, and hell, see it for yourself, "gumboy" the king of shanko,  and "rumble", the essence of survive, with the background music being the teenage mutant ninja turtles opening theme. the rebel who HATES God, and yet is kept alive by Him, the undead person that He will NEVER let GO of NOT even to sickness. The king seated on a colt, a colt that is a foal, meaning it has NOT learnt to submit to riders but goes where it wishes, even overrides the rider as well, and his duty is to make sure I ... LIVE.
this will NEVER end
It is NOT science fiction.

Now, all I need to do is roll up my sleeves and just get gory, and ... KILL... people. I mean, make no mistake about it, I am gonna LOVE doing this, YEAH-SSS!
this is what makes me, this is what I am.

Hardening ... of... Sense Through The Confusion

KING uzziah was NOT a priest, but he took it on himself to burn incense to God, and had leprosy break out on his forehead, and he lived alone till he died, while his son ruled in all but name.
his son. his firstborn.
Are you following?
the firstborn that I so... casually revealed yesterday. Teenage ... mutant... who hated God on sight. Last night, uzziah... died.
THAT was not a joke.Now, things are heading in the way I want, and as I said, there are NO rules. Expect nightmares, yeah-sss!Talking about things I... KNOW... here is something else, something that is about to blow your bubbles, fools, if you THOUGHT that there is anything I can decide that God did NOT know beforehand, and tell me I would do anyway. But first, a song, or rather, lets make this about... thor

Only in MY vision, which incidentally started OUT being about me NOT wanting a son, the guy in the red cape was in ashy grey, with a tangled mass in the chest that I had to decipher was... 't-h-s', and beneath that "7  3".
And before that was this me-looking green thing that apopeared out of thin air and hovered above a certain flat-topped rock, and went, "by your powers combined, I am... FIND them!!", pointing to his left.
Was a sex looking woman in black hair beside the me-looking determined character in red cape, who seemed to have been restraining the guy because the way he turned and then looked back over his shoulder as the woman turned towards the maniac in green in utmost shock, and horror.   
MIND, UNDERNEATH was a boy, and a fat guy was writing on his forehead, and the words were turning into black and disappearing and the boy was looking extremely bleak and his eyes turned into crosses and then faded away as he looked at the fat boy, who was going, "Now, where is your God", with his back to me.
No son.
Remember that, because i am going to be ASKING you, in a few days, "Where is your God?", as I kill you all, like Ipromised

Now, I am outnumbered, and well, the most painful thing still remains that the woman I love, even now, and that pains me, because the 'violet' thing is not just about 'pink' it also brings to mind the pink panther issue, I mean, duh? Did anyone FAIL to connect the dots, when I put the woman under the spotlight, because she was DOING all this because of her mother's... insinuatiuons?
ha, the idiot that tried to get me to go back, run away, the same guy that had his arms around the woman I love, who thought I ought to 'run home, little princess' because he thought he had my measure, the same guy shown as the guy that she looks up to, her... brother?, same guy that is shown as that rambo policeman, well, guess what, YOU made my day, and well, I will NOT spare you. I am telling YOU now, that you have been weighed, measured and found wanting. Mene, mene tekel upharsin. I am going to KILL you, for assuming that you, a mere NON-SUCH, could dictate terms to the lord of the earth. Count the days. I will eliminate ALL the jews, except for five, and these are females, and they would have to be the woman's immediate family.
WHY?
Because when she gets down toit, and when I get down to it, I love her, and she loves me, and she is, like me, too doubtful to believe that such a thing could be. Because I MUST be sick. I probably want to get back at her or something.
NO, she remains the sole person that I can not harm, and if my terms are not suitable for her, then I will leave her  and go alone to the US, but I will bear only the women, provided that she is willing to meet my terms. All I ask from her is that she forget everything else, and just accept me as I am, because there is NO changing the way I am. I love her, as I said before, and her approval means a lot to me, but I will NOT play a role anymore. She no more wants to be a mother to me than I want to be her child. What I KNOW now from the way she was behaving was she was trying to find a way to support me because she thought that that was what mattered to me. It is not. I SAID I am taking over the planet, and that is the truth, believe it or not,and whether you want to accept it or not woman, You alone in this whole, entire universe, matter to me. I love you, It is a twisted thing, yes, but still true. I love you, as 100% as I can.
my life would be empty without you.
that is why God prevented me from killing You, before, because He saw more clearly through my rage than even I did then, that if I destroyed you, I would be destroying the ONE thing that gave my hopeless life meaning.
I know you wanted me to run after you, and I would not, but the reason has nothing to do with what I said before. 
I am truly just tired of life.I can not even bother much about anything.
doesnt mean I do not long for you, I just am too drained to do more than watch as things happen. I am in a prison of mind here, and I can not break through out of it. Only thing I can give in to is rage, and that is something that your rejecting me  NOW would finally bring about, because NOW, you know why I do what I do, and that nothing on earth or in heaven can change me, but only you can somehow... make my life better,for me. I mean, to me, it can ONLY be about me and you. I could never accept you or even stand you for long if I thought you wanted me for anything other than ... me.... just as I want you for nothing other than you. That simple, that complicated.
oh, and I AM going to kill everyone else, like I said. THAT will not change.

I hear them crying out mama
i hear them crying out loud

they need a rightful place

they need to shelter from the storm

the children are crying out for love

crying out for love 

 Your voice is what I heard , the ONLY voice I have ever paid attention to, and I retell you of that day when I had rejected you, and you then drove past. I forgot about you, and then later i went and sat on those chairs outside the olympia cafe, and it was ONLY when I sat down that you got out of your car. It was the look on your face as you walked past, and it took me a while to figure out you had waited for me to sit down , maybe 30 minutes maybe more, before walking past... . Your face, is the only ONE I have seen open to me, and you may lie, and I may lie, but the fact remains that just as you KNOW the impact you have on me, so also I can see the impact I have on you. deny that if you want, I do not need just visions to confirm this.Like in the movie IRON MAN 3, when the guy was talking to that kid, "you know how I know that? because we are connected"
That is the REASON why you restrain yourself from casting me totally away, and that is the same reason I can NOT get over you, even when I try.
Admit it, that just as we have been fighting this and denying it with all our strengths, you never could say "no" to me. You are as crazy about me as I am about you, and that is why I am afraid of you. because right down to it, you are the ONLY one, really who can hurt me where it matters. Nobody else.   
That was why I was trying hard to get one in before you did, and hurt you first.Only ended up hurting myself. I NEED you, because without you, my life is incomplete.

So, there.

OK, So I Flew Off the Handle A Bit... There.

But at least my enemies know that we are enemies and that we are going to fight, or rather, I am going to kill them, painfully, I have this to say;-
I have always loved to throw caution to the wind and just let things be, but then, I ama lone wolf, walking a lone path, without a map and without a fallback option. Never doubt this, people, I AM going to kill off everyone on this planet, and that is NOT in doubt, and someof you, I will kill rather painfully, and the rest, well, will wish that they had never been born before I kill them. That is not the issue here. What I said in my rage holds true, but anger left to simmer is longer lasting than a burst of fury that destroys even its weilder. No, I can NOT be destroyed, so if I move back a bit from some action, it is because i have discovered, and with me, it is always the HARD way, since I am stubborn, that that way does NOT lead to either my prime goal, which is self-destruction, or my secondary goal, which is the annihilation of any threat, human or other wise.
Because as I see it all, all of you are threats to my existence, and not even God is a friend, because Friends do NOT do as He does. So, I expect no good, at least, not any more I do not, and I will make my plans on the best way to go forward, because, as they say, those who fail to plan, plan to fail.
Fine, i will be honest, MY plan, first and foremost,is to fail, and to drag God's promises into the mud. because I hate Him, and hate above everything else having Him in my life. Fact that I get to do anything else I may want is not as important as making Him eat His words, because if I can, then I can demand that He let me die.Second comes all of you,and the fact that, really, once I get over God that I cannot reach, I have you, little pathetic wimps that I can and will hurt as badly as I want to, and you have nowhere to hide, no one to heed your calls when I am reeling you in like a fish. BUT, despite all that, I never do anything because I am just spiked at present. No, as with my mother, I bide my time, try to find out if I am serving any of God's purposes in the end, the obvious ones anyway, and then once I realise that He is not to gain anything, I act.
So, yeah, I will kill my mother. BUT I will not send her to hell, because she IS after all, my mother. I am alive ... OK, that DOES not even begin to compute. I am NOT alive because of her. I came into BEING because of her, and now, I SHOULD have ceased to be because of her, and so, because God saved my ass, and I did NOT even ask HIM to do so, which is my WHOLE point, I would have been happy NOT to live, because I KNOW that no one does anything for nothing, and so, He obviously expected something. Which I am at the greatest pains to make sure He does NOT get, That is my first priority.
God none of these people have any idea just how much I HATE you, do they?
I mean, You Yourself showed me that I would explode someday and curse You in public and there would be that " δ", slight change when people realise that I am not tied to you, that october day, when You played me right into the corner You wanted me and I reacted predictably. The other problem is that, they assume that, if I hate You, then I automatically have some kind of estrangement from You. Now, maybe You can explain this to THEM, ha? I give You permission to, please, because i reject every single one of them, and will spare NONE of them, not even ONE! Yeah, not even HER!
 How I am NOT BOUND by YOU and yet  I survive and live because I have MY eye on You, all the time? And have You telling me everytime that the escape route I always seek will NEVER be found, and so, You are bound to watch my back because I am always seeking Your face, to check if I have scored one over You, yet?Because they actually assume that I am YOUR servant, and will be ordered around by You.

That I will bow down to You and say, "yes, Master, I exist to serve You". Well, FUCK that, and Fuck You!  
Now, You did say that You would pour OUT Your spirit from all flesh, and see, You did say that some people would prophesy, and dream dreams and all that jazz, and I KNOW that the only people You speak to are those that are NOT... mine. Because mine You let me handle alone. Well, since I have no people that are MINE, God, tell them how much You will restrain me, and fight for them. TELL them, and I will know for sure where I stand, You are after all, The God of The Jews, and according to them, You made an everlasting covenant. God, I SAY, today, that come my birthday, at least, when the true beginning of the seven years starts, and I am no longer a couch potato, I will wipe them all out. TELL them, if what I say has ANY chance of being changed, that I am wrong, that they must NOT fear me, because, after all, YOU have sent someone to 'stop me in my tracks', ha? Tell them, and explain to them WHY You would show ME things that will be used against me, and make ME someone's puppet, someone's tool to further the delusion of Your PEOPLE. Tell them, O God, Who is Awake Over His Word to Perform It. Tell the christian fools that tried to stop me that their JESUS will set them free, and that they will not have to fear anything from ME. Because as I surely live I SAY that no one, except vinnie and family, and the old timer and family, NO ONE of that entire congregation will live to see the twefth of march. NOT even their dogs and their dogs cousins. I will wipe OUT EVERY single one of them fools, and not only them, but everyone that is in their vicinity. TELL them that it will NOT happen. Because jesus is lord.
Then they will listen of course, for You are the God of ALL Flesh, and according to THEM, YOU are in charge.
Tell them that I am NOT going to succeed to get my hands on an aeroplane and get to the US and that such a thing will NOT be allowed to happen, because I am supposed to be stopped and stuck here! TELL them, Oh God Almighty, because You are LOVING towards all You have made.
Tell them I am sick and in need of repentance because my soul is in danger of hell-fire. Tell them I am nothing and will suffer for my boastful, vain and irreverent words. TELL them that You have a record of ALL my wrongdoings and I will pay for that. TELLLthem You will judge me. Oh MIGHTY God, Whose Glory You will give to NO Other. Is that NOT so written. Can a WORD from You be altered?

i was born on the street i am a fighter

I was born as a survivor

hear my song hear me again
i'm are fly again

even when they try to break me

thank God I'm doing greatly

hear my song, hear me again

I'm are fly again

dont know how, dont know when

I'm are fly again

...from day one

believe in yourself

dont let vanity lead you to deceive yourself...

doing life and  still get extension


promised a payback to my enemies in time
I know you are listening, well, KNOW that this world is mine 
I'm the diamond in the dirt they couldn't find
shot me out, want to see me suffer
but I survive as tings get tougher...
I know you want to get me down
I know you trying very hard
but I'm still here in this jungle
setting my eye on God...

Now as I said, the FIRST ruleof business will BE:- THERE are NO rules.
Of course, Your God will fight for you, so why get fright? It wont happen.
War,of course, yeah.

One Thing I Absolutely Hate

More than being told by God when I am in the middle of something, 'you going home, you going home with me tonight", meaning that I have strayed from the truth, and am not getting it as it is, IS finding OUT that He is right, and I am being taken for a fool.
Boy, woman, are you going to pay!
One thing I should have focused on was colour. I found myself, after signing off, recalling that it was NOT grey but ... pink... that was the colour of the eyeshadow. now, I will NOT even bother verifying it, but I can pre-suppose that PINK is a bit like violet? Like she has been USING me to try to push her MOTHER'S agenda. Woman, I want you to imagine right now just how PAINFULLY I am going to punish you and your mother for this, for this charade. i keep on thinking that I am doing something wrong, and all along you are laughing down at me?
ha ha ha. Fuck, hold on while I figure out what violet looks like, and where is that song.
should be luckie-d, the song whose lines He pisses me off with? Actually is kevin lyttle, how apt! I am so... little, ha? Fuck, I will make you pay!

and you winding on me

pushing everything right back on top of me

but if you think you gonna get away from me,

you better change your mind

 you going home

you going home with me tonight.

So, to spare myself the labour, I just googled, "images of a violet sky", and there it is. Now, if that is NOT pink, then I am a monkey's uncle.

I am going to kill you, woman, but first, I am going to make it hurt as much as possible, because on top of the hurt you have caused me, you assumed that i actually was supposed to be some kind of errand boy for you? ha ha ha! Oh, will I make you pay. Forget mercy, woman, forget me sparing any of your brood, what is going to happen is ME killing off every one of your brood before your very eyes , and then turning my attention to you and spitting you out of my mouth. But I will take my time about it. You had me on a guilt trip all this time, and it was you playing hide and seek with me? They are all dead, every jew alive is dead, and if your mother is that gallery woman, then I will make her suffer. You, woman have ,meddled in my business for too long. Better start peeing in your pants before i pour out my un relenting rage on you, you stupid, interfering bitch. Oh, boy, your ending is going to be as painfully slow, and as drawn out, as I can make it, because one thing you should have learnt is, I do NOT do burdens, and I support NO one's causes. Congratulations, you just achieved what I could never bring myself to do, you killed your daughter, and you just killed any chance I may have had of having her in my life. I will NOT forgive you for this. NONE of you will live to see another day, fools!
no, none of your days will EVER be the same again. Prepare for the worst thing to ever fall on you to START, now.

borrow no gun
borrow no body gun
...
I do NOT have to go to God to say, please, God, let me have the strength to kill someone. NO, I AM the AlMighty, so, I do not have to BORROW no gun.This is what He meant by Stop Drinking? You two? Fuck, I will make you pay, all of you.
And you, with those sweet eyes of yours, I thought it was ME you were interested in, but all this time you were trying to gauge just how far you could push me to get me to bend to your will? Really? ha ha ha!
Oh, man, and i am thinking I am in the wrong, and that you are hurt by my earlier behaviour, and I actually apologise, for SEEING you in someone's arms. Like it is MY fault> ha ha ha, Oh , you have a lot to learn, and so little a body to contain all that rage that is about to enter into your life, because it will be painful, excessively, exquisitely, and intensely painful. 
Consider this the beginning of hostilities.
And this is a war that will not have a good end, for you, because if you thought hell had no fury like a woman scorned,  well, try the king of everything treated like a nonsuch by puny little fools thinking that because they are jews God will fight for them. Now, I will do this, you have till morning to call on your God, and He should deliver you all, and when I go to sleep, and wake up, this is what i promise you. I am going to take apart that building, and then i am going to have that woman ... exposed... outside, as she is inside, and that means a skin so shrivelled and so disgusting that eveyone will hide his face from her, and THEN, I am turning to everyone around you. Ok, I tell you this, I am going to kill off everyone that was involved in this, male or female. Lets play russian roulette, do you dare me to do this, do I go to sleep and wake up in a better frame of mind or do you hold on to your seats and think that well, I will change my mind again> For what? you? I mean, hello, I see you in another man's arms, so what is there for me to hold on TO?
Riddle me that. Yo, I am so going to kill you all!
Now, the warlord states this, that i do NOT care what you all think are your rights, MY right is established by this ONE thing, I can not die. the earth is MINE and I can do as I please, because i bow to no one. I am fully aware of what my actions will mean, and I just do NOT care, because it is time I really stopped deluding myself about some things. I have never listened to the demands of anyone, and well, this is NOT going to stop me hating God more and more, because of all the wasted labour, but by God, I am going to enjoy the revenge. I am going to savour it, make it last as long as I please, and then, you fools, you will KNOW just who the lord of the earth is. And just how limited I am in action.

The CHAMP is HERE!

MY time is NOW!

Your time is UP
my time is NOW

You cant see me
my time is NOW

YEAH-SSS!

Case you forgot, I will remind you of a few ground rules.

Rule number ONE, there are NO rules.
Absolutely NONE.
I m about to make it burn, and burn like never before, hell, YEAH!
OH boy oh boy, the maverick is UNLEASHED> I feel myself coming alive, coming to the fore. The battlelord is unleashed, and at last, the charade is over. Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to meet,
YOUR END.

YEAH-SSSS!Man, I will enjoy this! Bring out your troops, your battleships, your entire armies and watch me melt you away like chaff before the wind, I will waste you all, and you will see the
God

                                                       of 
                                                         War

Tell them fir NOW draw me out
when the world government inna falling out!
[lets see if] only few men survive crawling out
run left him colleague them are sprawling out
nearly dead
medic have fir haul him out...