After trying to wake up early to do something that my heart was not in and paying the price by banging my knee not even 10m from where I sleep and being forced to crawl back into my blankets, fully clothed, and howling with pain and cursing everything and God for the fucked up situation, I remembered, belatedly, that I am probably the ONE person alive that has absolutely NOTHING to lose and so should not even be trying to make ends meet and do things I do not want to, ever! I was supposed to go to hospital, False Bay, which is a precondition, I suppose, to me being given money to go home by people from vinnie's church. For a check up of my chest. Now, I suppose someone would assume that I am afraid of skeletons in the closet, but I have never done anything that I would NOT do again if the situation were to appear. I would be glad, for example, if I found out that I had TB, because I would then go, read up on it and try to find out the various ways to speed up the infection, and thus, hopefully, die quicker. I really do not give a fuck about life, and I was trying to explain just THAT to vinnie and his pastor yesterday when they came to where I normally sit with obert, and would be glad if God would turn His focus from me and maybe give it to some other person, people who actually think, for example, that it is their right. I wouldn't mind, because the simple truth is, no matter what, no matter the alternative, if death was the other side of the coin, I would much rather be dead. I may as well have been speaking to myself, because, of course, there came up all these various explanations, about joseph and him spending a long time in prison and then being used to help his brethren, and I almost said, THATS my fucking point, I am NOT interested, not now, not ever, in helping anyone, and the weird thing is that I have this THING that He has fostered on me to keep me alive no matter what, and so, no matter what may be afflicting me, I will get over it, because to God it is a matter of professional pride to KEEP me alive, regardless of what I may think about it. I am NOT meant to be some kind of servant who will come out of prison to help people, I am meant, from what I have been gloomily discovering, to, if I can overlook the death wish a bit, make sure that NO ONE else remains alive on this planet, simply because from where I stand it is intolerable for me to ever, with no interest whatsoever, do something to get people close to God, since that would be like God saved my life from an early age because He had plans to make sure that I could be of benefit to other people. people I do not give a fuck about. So God would have been overlooking me, and focusing on other people, and wanting their p[prosperity, and I would be a means to an end. Well, I am sure plenty of people would be thrilled to be so ... used, but i would, and do, give Him the finger if that is the case. Right now, I am a bit curious. He almost literally said i would never go back home, and He has been on and on about Him not letting me fall - that is being given into the hands of people for them to do as they wish with me- but then, He appears so relaxed about His promise about a "place", and so, since I am not, really, when you get down to it, interested in trying to force Him to honour His word and fulfil His promise, I am dead set on getting home, and if I do get there, then well, fuck Him, this is not and never was my business. I am just NOT interested in either the affairs of people or of God. I just hate being where I am, and would rather be gone, far far away. So, I mean, the funny thing is that people can not quite get the ... difference... between me and everyone else, and always try to put me int that box that they themselves are in. I am ill, so must see a doctor. But I LIKE it like that:- I actually HOPE I die. Of course not, dont be ridiculous, you need to get well. I have never been in a hospital of my own volition, and taking this life that I do not give a fuck about and trying to pretend that I am or will CARE about it, hell, fuck that, that is not me. If He is going to keep me alive, I am going to give Him plenty of work just doing it. Before I went to prison, I used to complain, even to people:- I do not like this, do not dress like that, do not talk to those people, I hate you associating with those males, because i am jealous, but NOW, now I do not give a fuck. I am NOT going to argue with some piece of shit who thinks he or she has a better grasp what is going on in my head than I do, and that all i need is to be civilised about stuff. cant handle things my way, well, drop dead. It is a bit ironic that the same God Who is getting my blood to boil is also interested in making me the All- Powerful Being that does exactly what He likes, so, well, life is NOT fair. I am GOING to have my way. Whether anyone likes it or not. It is a given. I do not like God, but I have come to respect the fact that He WILL keep His word, even if I may not like the WAY He does it. I fucking hate THAT, because so far all I have known is the back of His hand as far as peace is concerned. Its so fucking annoying, and I do not even want to be involved.
Reminds me of the vision that went, "by your powers combined I AM... FIND THEM!!!", like on one hand I was saying that I am now a sort of lord, like a captain planet, because I can not abide to be held under, but on the other hand there are some fools that have seriously pissed me off that NEED to be dealt with... in the most horrible manner possible. Hell, people, stop being clever. trying to play human chess games with me only makes me more and more aware of you, and trust me, the more i focus on you, the worse my plans get, and trust me, I KNOW that over the horizon is looming a fate for you that will make your worst nightmares seem like a pleasant summer excursion. You really do not want to get entangled with me. I am NOT and will NEVER be like you!
Maybe it is just me, but I absolutely FAIL to see the point when , for example, you promise certain people that you are going to kill them and they spend the whole day up and down, making themselves visible and in some cases, trying to get your attention... . I mean, is it me or is there a real communication screw-up there? I hate you, and you keep popping up, and I end up asking myself, what is the fucking point to your actions? I mean, it is not like there is even a remote chance that anything you say or do is going to get you spared; I have decided to exterminate you, and I am a rather vengeful person that makes it a point to NEVER let bygones be bygones, so fuck is your... point? Maybe, I presume, seeing as how some chicks were also like waiting on cue for me to show up in certain places before sasshaying past, I am actually supposed to have like... no brain, but think with my gonads. I do not get it, really. I mean, I see mike, who must have had a cause to be a dozen times in just about the places where I myself was, and I can not forget the day of my humilation, on april fools day, when he comes up to me, and points his fingers at me and I end up in that blasted office upstairs, and I am sitting there and after they talk of millions, he turns to me and asks me what I had to say for myself, and I respond, "well, you got me here, finish what you started", and I bow my head as I sit in a chair at one end of that room, and I get that vision that had me open my eyes to see if it was really happening, of a pair of baggy jeans and black loafers. And later that day i was to have the other singular humiliation of seeing that fat "mountain man" take away my shoe laces and belt, and calling me "vuil gat" after a body search,and even now, more than a month after my release, my shoes have no laces, and I am wearing them baggy pants, and while I am... thinking about the significance of ME in shoes without laces, standing IN that office, ( meaning, fools that from the word go, if I am getting it right -which is probably why I am finding kalk bay difficult to get away from, vengeance WAS planned, and it would be the kind where i have my own personal gilgal as I overturn the humiliation inflicted on me the ONLY way possible, which is with me, using the... powers that are inherent in me that make me more than a mere human, YEAHS) I wonder just how soon that can be because while i want to make them fools all pay, I STILL am not that interested in them. I need my mobility, and to leave this blasted country, in ashes, YEAHS. I mean, from a technical point of view it makes some kind of sense, because well, I am like that dog, a pitbull, that NEVER lets go once it sinks its teeth into something, and me slinking away without reparation is NOT the kind of thing that satisfies my ... nature.
I am bred for WAR and I could never avoid conflict even if I got paid millions for it. Its imbedded in my soul, and hell, why fight it, or disguise it, I am going to make them fools PAY, and somehow, I am going to FIRST get myself on my feet and actually harness the so far erratic nature of my... destructive side. In the meantime, I will be in your faces, and walking up and down, and you will get severely pissed off at me and , like good citi9zens of planet earth, try to CHANGE me, and I will watch you and ignore you like usual, and then, when the whole pot has reached boiling point, I will explode, and well, you will go down, and I mean DOWN! yeahs! Then there was this other thing. For a while I have been mulling it over, and well, I have decided, to hell with this, mys science teacher way back when told me the golden rule, "state the obvious", it will get you marks, and so, when I look at a vision where you get a woman facing a man and he is pointing at her privates, the OBVIOUS conclusion works, especially if there are the background theme lyrics "as my labour goes right down the drain
working under the mine
mining what is not mine" and so, my conclusion, especially as that pretender fool waited till I had showed up to then show me... I think... what is between him and the only person I think, as a fully functional adult, I ever had time for, by driving past me in that blasted SLK, well, IS, she is not and never was, and never could be... mine, in which case, my life is considerably made simpler. I am going to walk solo, and kill all them motherfuckers, and fucking mothers, and all them liars, and pretenders, and I do not have to make any distinction. DEAD is DEAD, and I am thinking of all of you fools in THAT sense. It is going to be a bloody war, and one rule that I learnt from history is that when the first bullet flies, out goes the battle plans. My aim, I will admit, is to get at least ONE of them fools and MANUALLY show my displeasure, and that is what I am secretly hoping for. To kill with my bare hands. THIS I will enjoy, YEAH-SSSS!
When I last showed up in court, the interpreter I did not need and had refused and been overruled by the judge because he was convinced I could not speak english, came up to me, and said that there was a possibility that I could get an outside sentence- I never trusted the woman, she had a way of twisting words, and I did NOT need an interpreter- and do community service at some police station somewhere as long as it was not in the muizenberg area. It was better, she said, than rotting in prison. I remember looking upwards, and commenting to Him, 'how humiliating! Your doing?', but I just shrugged, and she organised for me to see one of those officials, a whatchimacallit who deals with all sorts of social... yes, social worker. I walked out of the holding cells, through the court, and for the first time in two months saw open doors and sunshine. A quiet desperation grew within me, and when the social worker said he was busy, and we had delayed, even the warrant officer, after observing me, decided that he could not risk having me sit in the lobby, and I went back to the cells, and almost wept. It was only later, after most prisoners had been dealt with, that I asked the same warrant officer whether they had forgotten about me, that I got called, and the judge, interpreter absent, told me that the free air was mine for the take. I could not find the exit. I was that stunned, and delirious, and I got out, got on the train, and went to Claremont library, and it was only as I sat there, remembering a vision -the one I never explained- and also reading Lee Child's Nothing To Lose, that I figured I would let my insatiable curiosity lead me by the hand again, and go to kalk bay, to lay matters to rest.
I am getting that quiet desperation feeling again, like I have glimpsed what is beyond the door through the key-hole, and now all I see is this huge door barring my way to freedom. I have walked in darkness, and not had the light of anyone's counsel to light my path, and I have never trusted anyone in my whole life, and so, when I have tested God and found Him consistent, and when I have realised that He is really serious about me reaching out and taking what I want and it doesnt matter who cries foul, I find it a bit annoying that some fools can not just GET the point that what I said about their ultimate disposals is NOT some fluke and still try to buzz around me like flies, thinking that I will be distracted... Pathetic! Yesterday was a case in point, and well, I am sure you would all like to hear about it, but then, I am NOT interested in re-iterating what some fools did and thus give them some kind of importance. What I want to make excessively, abundantly CLEAR is THIS, and it is going to gall the most because you all read my posts, and then see me walking up and down, and I irritate you by my arrogance, but you do not get it that I am TELLING you what I intend to do to you all because I KNOW that there is nothing any of you can do to me, and because I want to show you how much I dislike every single one of you, and really long for you all to be dead. I made a promise that every single one of you will die, and from where I stand, it is actually members of MY family that carved a place in my heart before I morphed that are going to live to see the next seven years, while EVERY OTHER person, regardless of who you are, or where you come from, or whether we smile at each other or nod at each other or not, will DIE. Simply because I SAY so. So, hate me, walk by me again and remind me of the bitterness you have caused me, trust me, I record these things, and having recorded them, this time, I use them as fuel for my rage, and trust me, I am about to pour out on the whole lot of you the worst devastation that this world has ever seen. because THAT is what I want, and I tend to always, no matter how small the issue, want whoever has wronged me to pay. I said I was coming to see if vinnie got to live or die, and now, this is the funny thing, tony, you bigmouth who yaps on and on because you think that by reading my posts you got the measure of me; I have decided that he dies, and so, you can tell him, since he does not read my posts, and right now is busy trying to organise money for me to go home from his men's-fellowship... eh, fellows. Would it not be quite ironic that I get out of kalk bay on someone's ticket and that means is what will mean that your own life ends? ha ha. I never liked you, and of course, I am trying to annoy you. Fuck, you irritate me, and now, I want to know what the fuck you will do about all this? I never could play by civilised people's rules;- I tend to be too blunt for that, and speaking of which, well, there is one person that I will confess is probably the chief reason I get quite powerless whenever I want to get BAD or NASTY. Woman, I do care about you, and I do NOT want to see you die. However, things being the way they are, you probably will. For one thing, I am not and will never, be interested in sparing a single member of your family, because when you showed up under my radar, every act of yours was with that in end. So, since I was NOT the first priority, I can not take your leavings and say that I am glad for even tidbits of attention. I may not look like it, but I am the GREATEST thing either you or anyone else in this lifetime will ever see, and so, I measure myself by that yardstick. So, if your aim was to be another queen esther, well... drop dead. The other thing is that, even if that guy is your brother, what the two of you did was disgusting, and I am not the kind who forgets. You have not changed at all. You sought me out when I came out of prison, but always with the same agenda, that I bow down to your will. You must have me confused for some other guy who actually gives a fuck. I have been as clear as I can be, now, come on, people, make me more mad. and maybe, just maybe, I can and will do this without having to take a single step outside kalk bay. Expunge, eliminate, exterminate, incinerate you all, that is!
I have been taking stock of my life and there is NO way that someone, if he were to describe me, would call me a "decent" guy.I have words that spring to mind, and none of them are complimentary, and well, the funny thing was that, growing up, I thought I was a pretty decent guy! I am by no means rich, but if rich is being able to pick and choose and discard what you do not want, and what with everything I got up to, and the fact that despite all my shenanigans I am quite shameless about it all, I could say that yeah, what with the ark thing, I am probably , in a way rich and shameless. Of course, to you people, it makes no sense how God, the Almighty, could allow such an aberration like me to prosper, and keep on sprouting nonsense, but the fact of the matter remains, that me and God, we have a thing going. Forget a staid and regular life when you explode and yell at God, "God, what do You want from me?!" and He answers, "Be Yourself", and of course, it is a well known fact that God does not tell you to do things that He can not empower you to do, and so, me quitting university because there was NO way I was going to labour to please my mother when I felt my own life stymied, and then me deciding I will test this hold God has on me by seeing if I can not break it, even at the cost of my life, and THEN... of course, the women, that very sordid part of my life that I am sure everyone agrees ought to land me in the coldest darkest cell in the worst prison... and well, God is cool with that, I am free, and I am thinking, hell, I want everybody dead, why the fuck are they still alive, and all I want to do is get gone, so I can finally be busy and DO something with myself that involves using my idle mind... But yes, the women! So there I am, infected the previous year, hiv positive and therefore in no way supposed to be INVOLVED with a woman, if things were run normally, and human decency prevailed, and God sends a vision of my cousin, my favourite cousin, holding a book... bla bla, and so, I go ... looking. Technically I sort of figured one should blame God for encouraging me in falsehoods, and when I do end up entangled with this woman, two years younger than me and a single mother, I am, after a while, blaming God for saddling me with this silly bitch and He defends Himself- no word about the fact that I should NOT be having sex with that woman( what kind of animal am I?) and then speaks about His yoke and my yoke and concludes with the Isaiah 6 statement, which the bible readers will find, speaks of dire things to the world, an earth desolate, et.c. Anyway, we split with the girl, I almost kill my mother and then have to leave home to pursue this "I have prepared a place for you says the president of turkey" statement, and realise that there is a place where I can GO where my energies will NOT be spent wanting to kill people like my mother. I come to south africa, and get involved with three other women on a basis that is longer that the usual one night stands, and, well, I act shamefully as well, and none of the relationships last any longer than seven months, and I counted. Of course, the LAST one was a bit complicated, because home had come calling, the guy I used to work for had broken my cardinal rule and actually DARED to tell me where it was none of his business, WHAT to do, and so, I decided to be unreasonable, and thankfully, God was silent all that time, because if He had had to put His two cents worth into it too, I would have exploded. Anyway, I try to hang myself, and it does not happen, and after I even try to drink poison and end up at Fish Hoek Hospital, with no ill effects and from there to happy valley home in S/Town, I belatedly decide to tackle God 1v1, and see if we could negotiate about this weird life. And He starts talking, and I get visions, and even I ask myself what the fuck I could want in turkey, because I was not really keen on doing research that proved the existence of God and then arguing about it with people, to prove my point. I finish the Goldbach Conjecture, try obama, and then, after he responds, decide to insult him, and from then on, the die was cast as far as I am concerned. I wanted to TAKE the land from the guy, and while there were and are moral objections on the whole issue, I suppose I wanted to get to the US as a conqueror for a long time .
Of course, the question, WHY was never answered, then, and it was only after I came out of prison;- and by the way fools, when a PROSECUTOR stands up in court and says, "your honour, because of length of stay of the defendant we have decided to DROP all charges", and then the judge SAYS, "mr mutasa, the court has decided to be merciful and drop all charges, you can go home, do not point fingers at anyone", it MEANS there is NOTHING outstanding against me, and so, I could legally sue the pants out of anyone who says that I have a restriction order against me, but then, I have something else in store for you all, as you know. I am going to burn you all, and fry you for eternity, simplay because, hell, I am NOT a GOOD guy, I am BAD, and BAD to the bone. And I do not particularly like people
So, anyway, to round things up, there was this last woman, who for some reason assumed that the sun shines on her behest, and that she had a right to step in to my life and muck it up as much as she wanted. Well, I have THIS to say to the blond bimbo, the ONLY person that I actually once I started getting rather grasping when it comes to... the world... had time for because she has/had this way of always seeming to want to make eye contact or get approval before she acted. Now, being told by me that I care about you and then having me find you the following day in this other guy's arms, and you are kissing, is something that I consider insulting, and as far as I am concerned, something that made sure that well, that guy, in my world would have no place, nor would you. But well, as I have pointed out a whole lot of other times, me, I like clean and simple things. Now, if some stupid woman decides that she will give me terms and conditions, I will reject them, because I do not bargain, and the funny thing is, I am actually the LAST word on everything as far as your lives are concerned. And this is MY word. You are all going to die. This whole bullshit with me being in court and coming out and still being hounded has taught me one thing and that is, I have no one outside of my home country that actually means fuck all to me, and so, I am going to kill you all. I would say now, but the truth is, for some reason, I can not get angry enough. maybe some full will try to piss me off and then, when THIS ark lifts off, I get to personally send you fools to hell, first!
After my debacle with my father and his henchmen, and the fact that I then decided to quietly go up the mountain and spend the past few days doing nothing but sulk and think, I am sure a lot of you fools out there, especially of the kind that will never get it into their heads that I not only do not give a fuck what you think or even DO, and am quite irritated by your presumption as far as how I ought to live my life;- well, I assume that you all are expecting me to say, "OK, I failed, lets talk". SO, I prepared this, and frankly, I think this will be the last time I am online, because NOW, I am glad about one thing; that I am an angry man, and my anger, well, its different from that of anyone else's, because MINE can be manifest in reality, and boy, am I just getting WARMED up! So, I am TELLING everyone out there that thinks he or she has a brain, that seeks to impose their own thoughts on me, and especially on the presumptuous white people in kalk bay, where I still am going to be found;- I am going to exterminate every single one of you. yeah, I could do it the way you have all come to expect, I smash walls with my hands, and do all the ape-stuff you all expect from an ignoramus who stays on the mountain, but that will be too easy.No. I promised that I am sending people intact to hell, and well, that is what I will do. Worldwide, I am emptying the entire planet of its people, and every single blasted LIVING thing, be it microscopic or the most gargantuan sea creature; all that call earth their home are going to become barbecue in an instant, as I unleash MY fury on the planet. Remember I said that I do not serve God, and so, I OWE no one chickenshit. Yes, there will be a few people that I can not just let die that will live out the next seven years, but hell, when the time comes for me to depart the planet, they will not remain alive, but will be, as I said before, but dust. Thankfully, this shortlist does NOT contain any white people, nor is is likely to do so, although I would be a bit of a deceiver if I did not meet this... OTHER problem... headlong and address it now, about a certain white person
Now, I have discovered that yes, there is one person that I find difficult to wash my hands of, and while that may be taken in the context that maybe I may NOT want to wash my hands of her, the truth is, as she is she is totally unacceptable to me. I have done nothing but think, past few days, and I have discovered that this woman took extreme liberties with me, and I am sincerely hoping that the guy I saw her kissing the time I derailed my own plans to go to the US is something to her, and that that was not an act, because then I would gladly, gladly call down an execution on her and the whole silly brood. She has made me extremely bitter, and in her eyes, I think that all I have been has been a guy that ought to follow her own plans about what ought to be, plans that started with God and ME about MY life, and she somehow thinks that she also can do anything the mav. can do. I will be every glad if anything I say or do now flushes her out, and causes her to want to show me the way I ought to go, because I am so looking forward to thoroughly dashing her stupid plans right in her face, and showing her that one does not play games with the angriest person on the planet. So, I am laying it out there, and know for a fact that she and her clique are a bunch of die-hard fools that refuse to process what their own eyes will see, and so, I am in effect counting on them to anger me some more, just so that we go from simple rain, to hail, thunder and lightning, and earthquakes and the earth opening and people dying, that kind of thing. Of course, no one must take any of this seriously, because I am after all a drifter, a loser that is just blowing off steam. Right? I mean, after all, you all know whats what, because God took you into His counsel and told you all what should be, yes? Well, as for me, what God may or may not say from now on remains between Him and me, because I owe none of you ANY explanations. I am going to kill you all. Let that suffice. Got a problem with that? Good. Do something about it! I will be very glad to roast you
My father snaps his fingers and expects that I will comply because now I NEED something from him, and I begin to backtrack SIMPLY for that reason, because I never could accept terms and conditions, and now, I just had a brief chat/meeting with the leader of the hit squad and told him that I was NOT going to accept what he had to offer... I think... and he told me to be ... reasonable. They have done the classic divide and conquer, smartly alienated me from vinnie by dint of never ever taking him as of any account, made me question every decision of mine and make everything seem like there was NO other option, that I had to accpet and get blood on my hands. Now, dont get me wrong, I have a wry eye on God and I am like, You know I wanted for a long time to dismember mike on my own, and after the last stupid episode, I really have been longing for a chance to do something TO him personally, and decided he was not worth it and now the same thing is being dangled in front of me, "wanna go home, then we take his scalp". Funny.
Of course, MY enemies are dead, that goes without saying, but now I am ready to weep with frustration, because I know of no way to get myself OUT of the situation I am in and progress to the next stage because there are several things missing that would make my transition possible.
All this reminds me is of something else, and the fact that if God gets to the point of saying, to me, when I am being torn to pieces by the vultures who assume that they now have a piece of meat to grab and goibble because I am not moving from a certain point, "I can understand how, it feels to be alone/ I will take your burden, if you'll let Me love you/ I will take your burden, and give your heart a home", well, I can say that I really, really could use His assistance at this point, because vain is the help of man. He made a promise to me ages ago, about a place which the president of 'turkey' had prepared, and turkey was the place the ark landed on, yes? then I get 10 years to build my own... kind of ark... which then takes off, and presumably, ought to land in the land that it has a place prepared for it. QED=> I need to go from HERE to... THERE... where the 'ark' will land, and it is getting anything off the ground that is so, so... impossible. I do not think the problem is with God, because well, I have discovered that He does watch over His word to perform it. I am just wondering, here, desperate as I am, just, please, how much longer do I have to take bullshit, and what is it going to take to get me to... depart... from South Africa. I am sick of being involved in the silly games of silly blind fools that could never see the truth even if they were to walk in and find it eating their breakfast. Yet they say this, that He opens a way where there is none, He makes a way even in the sea, and right now, my increasingly blurry vision is focused on Him, to get me out of this hole, and set me on my path.
Father, I DO need Your help. I know a lot of these people who read this, who see me walking, think You hate me, but it would be... NICE... to show off just how much You care, and still their tongues, and make them bow their heads in the dust for ever. I have looked to You and You alone, and I know there is not real, lasting help but such as comes from You, so, I have left not only the door open but everything else within access. I am done walking solo. I am ready to ... trust ...You Help! I do remember, before I left home, when I prayed with... a friend... and we wanted You to help us be better people, how You immediately responded with the words, "to him who orders his conduct aright I will show the salvation of God", and, well, all I know is that everything comes from You, that no matter how big/small, insignificant/serious a dispute, if You are on ONE side then no matter who ranges against You, they will not prevail. You claimed me for Yourself, You said. It would be nice to see the practical side of it, because You do not speak idle words, but no word returns to You void without having accomplished its purpose. You are all I have. Surely that is more than enough. End the ambiguity, because MY right comes from You, not from anything I may do, and definitely NOT from trying to convince anyone:- which is why I do not even bother.
After listening to the Enforcer whose name, ironically, means Boer, and having him say that I had apparently forgotten that there was a war of liberation where white people would not oppress black people ever again and I was selling out if I refused to the quid pro quo that I get the money on condition that these guys-there are 6 of them, actually, and the unknown four have already have had their fill of kalk bay and I was being asked what the fuck is wrong with my eyes while I spoke on the phone... anyway, after all that, I decided, past two, to buzz my dad at his office and tell him the war was over, that these people meant nothing, they should just be left alone. He told me that he had never come upon anyone with a stronger sense of justice than me, and now, for me to put my tail between my legs, means I had been shown something that ought not to have been in the first place. These guys, this townsend character, were going to see that there are people to mess with and then people NOT to mess with, and he would not let his son be treated like scum when I was better than the best of them. They played the race card, he said, and so, I better know that that is an unforgiveable sin in the zimbabwean book. They MUST pay. I had till tomorrow morning to get my head sorted out the right way, and then, come morning, I was supposed to get on a train and go... somewhere, and these people would not even know what hit them. I called him mad. I called bhunu mad, and they told me to get with the program, and so, I am here, having said my goodbyes to vinnie already because there is NO way we will see each other in this lifetime, though I am going to sleep again on the mountain, but hell, the terms and conditions do not seem to suit me very well, but I have NO choice, I need to get gone, and, well, thats the way it is!
I did not even have to cough that much, I figured I was under surveillance already anyway, and I think I spotted one guy, but then, I was making a joke of this, not even sure that my father would take anything like that to that extreme, but well, he is firmly on the bandwagon - he fought for a while on the wrong side, and if not for the intervention of josiah tongogara, the fact that his younger brother married into the mugabe family would NOT have saved him. Now is us against THEM, and well, its happening right here, people, and I have front row seats!
Now I am like, white worms? Was God even with that race card? Was it not the same even from September 18:- Independence day, and all that which came after, Him telling me that I was letting myself be used by women that all thought they could do me better than me? Oh well, I will be honest, it pleased me that there are some guys that have that unrelenting hatred that has caused them to draw the line and say that this is war. White women. Zimbabwe will never be a colony again. ha ha! So, what the fuck is wrong with my eyes? Well, I can NOT see far. developed this condition in prison and came out blind as a bat, and the intense day light makes me want to weep, and makes it impossible for me to keep my face directed at the sun. How the guy saw that amazed me, and what amazes me more is the fact that if they were doing surveillance on ME, they were also doing surveillance on the people doing surveillance on me. I think the fools are already ready to be bagged. Hope they keep their bloodlust at least TILL tomorrow, when I officially CROSS over, because, this may sound trite, but I need a good night's sleep, and if they let the dogs of war start hanging loose like I fear, then I may have some trigger happy fools think to bag me before something happens. I would hate to have to show that I am much much more that the worst that these people can fling on them fools simply because i am put in a corner. I mean, I am the Lord of the Earth, and I have had just this small bit to get over, and having to .... PROVE something to fools that would not appreciate it even if i showed myself handling lightning like power rods would be a bit of a waste of time. After all, MY MO is this, I do NOT do anything that benefits anyone else, but me. Thing is God DID something to me, and I knew about it, but I ignored it for a long time till He came calling, and from then, when He was refusing to have me join a church "I have claimed you for Myself", and then, when I blew up and asked Him what He wanted from me and He told me to be myself, and i was wondering just how the fuck anyone can be himself when God is overseeing everything, and I went doubly suicidal, and then He did even more than I anticipated and told me how He had added 15 years to my life, and He would make the shadow go back ten steps, and I belatedly-due to the three beat silence- figured out that he meant that i would count TEN years and then have those that are my immediate enemies go straight to hell. Fuck, go to the visions. I know you all thought they were biased towards you, and i am very, very glad it came to this, because now, well, we are getting to the practical stage. And I love practicals. Especially since I do not have to prove a point to anyone, and well, the fulfilment of God's word speaks for itself. I mean, after the people, carrying two coffins-yeah that could mean that mike and that brother of hers will be killed and the rest will have to bear their own dead as they themselves depart from MY temple ... OR that they run away and can not be found and just die with the rest- move out, guess what happens, I get to be shown seated in a chair in ice, stuck to the floor by chains on my hands, and I am flexing the chains to see if I can break them. I mean, duh? I am leaving the planet, and when MY 15 years are done, everyone will be dead, the majority NOW and the rest as they just turn to dust. No biggie, really.
This is NOT meant to help you. It never was, NEVER. Fools never got it.
my main aim is to stay sane
because I never did like and I never will love fans
so listen me
those who player hate and keep on dissing me
tell em say them can not stop the synergy they coulda never limit me
matter how them mimic and are gimmic me
tell em say they can not stop me energy
I'm giving them the TRINITY
Well, MY Father, God, Who would defend Himself everytime I blamed Him for burdens that I incurred, would ... instruct me as to WHY I got myself into scrapes because, of course He was NOT involved when I lost respect for myself and plunged into certain issues. I remember being ... TOLD... to go home by michelle pereira, and I ended up, for the first time, ASKING HIM just why the fuck I was STILL in South Africa, and He said, "tell them the source of the cloud that does not bear water", and well, even an idiot can connect the dots and come up with a conclusive answer, that the mav., the psi-core, has had NO interest in doing anything that involved someone else's benefit, because from the moment God showed up, it HAD to be, in my point of view, that I was ALL that He was looking for:- remember before He did come officially into my life I had endured 15/16 years of His silence after His .... rescue attempt of me, and I had had time to wonder WHY he bothered, and so, if it had been for a purpose, then He would have had to kill me, because, unfortunately, this guy, me, does NOT bow, to anyone. I do not know how, and will NEVER learn.
scorch them
burn em like a torch them!
So, if I do something, it is, and will always be 100% MY responsibility that this thing happens, and right now, I am cleaning house.
You are going to hell!
So, when them fools were all busy trying to tell me just how stupid i was, and how they all saw the truth, I will confess, i was NOT sure about God at that time, because, well, them fools were jews, and well, God has this thing about jews, and so, i was ready to press an exit button the moment I figured that there was a price that would have to be paid for my life. Apparently, fuck, NO apparently about it, I AM the BEST thing that God has found, and that is why He claimed me for Himself, which makes me the worst enemy of mankind, and so, well, the stage is set, and i am about to unfurl the awesome majesty that has been laying dormant all these years, and you fools will pay the price. I like my theories to be conclusively... concluded. And i have concluded.
That you are about to die. maybe tomorrow sometime. I think when I fall asleep. After gouging on some food, and letting my father's messengers of doom go on their way. I really wanted to get my hands on some music, though, like complete albums by simon chimbetu, and some dancehall tunes, and I hope to get my hands on a set of wheels BEFORE people die and go to strand and see if this guy is till there and I load it all up, and then I can depart with a free mind. I love music.
My brand. there is this one by chimbetu again there is a part where he goes on and says chokwadi ndichanochera nyangwe makandiwa (truly I will sow even where people throw their weeds) ... rudo ruchandirasa nyangwe mumagobo (I will sleep even in fields that have never been exploited- you have to cut down the trees) I WENT ini ndichatema nyangwe kumagobo meaning i will CUT down even virgin territory! which I sang to the gallery woman the day she cosied up to me, and I meant that if she was thinking that because that chick was a virgin and therefore i would go helter skelter for that, well, guess what, if the woman had NO respect for me, she was going to die like the rest of them, because, see, I would cut down even the uncut parts, because i either had to be the be all and the end all, or NOTHING else, and well, I thought I made my point clear, but then she does not speak shona and she thinks she knows it all than arguably or heck, definitely, the BEST brain in existence. Fuck, me, you got it, you want to flex it in front of me, and show me you are better, bring it here, and I will watch as you dig a hole for yourself and then pull the plug. people who think they are clever do not interest me. I am way cleverer than they can ever be. People who are HONEST impress me greatly. So, piss me off and think that a little here, and a little there will get you to have your way and have your male relations to live, hell, then whenever you were dissing me you were storing up for yourself anger such as you never knew, and I warned you. Now you will die for thinking you were some kind of ambassador. Think I think with my dick? mmmm, I was trying all along to avoid killing you, but now, there are bullets with your name about to fly out, and you will see the truth of all those things you laughed at because you knew better than me, right? Never play games with the angriest person you will ever come across. You of all people should have known not to tweak the lion's mane. Makes me wonder at God sometimes. He said that you were the best, and I have had to conclude that you are the greatest disappointment of my life, so hell, I have written your sentence in red MYSELF so that you will know that I have found you guilty and your death is imminent. They say hell has no fury like a woman scorned. Makes me itch to come back to kalk bay now to see just how furious you are, and then laugh at you.
NOBODY measures up to me. You should have known your place, but you got a bloated sense of self importance, and you do NOT even have kids. Fuck is YOUR problem?
I mean, I spoke all the time about "violet" and all that, and you all thought that that meant there was a way out. You should know about continuity. And the fact that NOTHING gets built out of nothing, it has to come from somewhere, and so, where you stupidly thought your empire would come from I have no idea. You are about to see the great, grevious truth that I pointed out from the beginning, dont play with me, you will die. I dont play games, and do not know how. While I may seem to be like a directionless person, there are and will always be priorities in my life, and as far as people are concerned, for example, those that get to live NOW will get to get there by virtue of the fact that I could stand them and not want to choke them up for looking down on me. Which is what it is, actually. Dis me, and die. And I want people to die to begin with.
there will be NO agreement concerning your relations, be it mother, father, brother, cousin or whatever. They are ALL dead, all because I say so, and you do not like it, well, check to see if I give a fuck, or will back down.
been through the worst and never we give up never we give up although times rough we are survivor and we blessed coz Our God Are we Provider when the fussy them are put up a fight we nuh give up we are survive many men rise and many men fall at the end of it all we will stand tall never we back down never we stall man stand firm like the great china wall big moves we are make and we never fall...
So, how about this one in the same riddim, by the king of shanko, which i can not resist putting there, because it does NOT mean that there is any room in my life for anyone who actually thinks he or she can change, because I am out to burn em burn em burn em burn em... maybe I should play the riddim medley, it sort of flows with everything
we are go stay pon top we nuh jump off the top ... when they see the fake one them start soon collapse we run the place, yeah we run the place from them nuh genuine just come outa the place we run the place, yeah we run the place them are champion but them cant face the fierce we run the place, yeah we run the place if a war fool easy to replace .... dont change we gon do sometimng about... if you dont think we do it them I say we are go show it how we do it fir pursue it, Oh wah!
Ah, hell, i have run out of things to say, and so, now, with all these minutes remaining, I amm probably going to listen to the music and then get myself gone. Its dark enough, I should be ignored, and I will be out before anyone even knows i am gone, I guess, which will be a first for me, because I LOVE to sleep. But, duty calls, and well, I can not afford to miss this one, see? Oh maybe you do not, which is all the better. Life is a bitch, right?
