I have, apparently, made people make up their minds, and so, because that is just the way it is, and no other, I will make the final adjustments to my... plans.
For starters, it will be ... thusly... that I deal with the americans:- I will remove obama, yes, but it will not be automatic that the ... secretary... of state will become the next president:- no, it will instead be the vice president, and he will remian alive only if his first act is to... relinquish... Alaska... from being part of the union of states in america.
or he followes obama and family.
And if he does not do as I say -as i am still being reasonable, I will give him two days to decide, with the added incentive being that California goes... thermal at around the time of obama's demise;- the WHOLE state- then , as i said, he will himself go to hell, and then the state of Texas will undergo a rapid de-population, and whoever is next in line will have a similar choice;- Hand over Alaska or Chicago and your life follow suit.
I can probably keep this up till there is NO ONE left in the USA.
As for back here in Africa, I have done some thinking and decided that, because i have a basic dislike of Simonstown and all that is there-in, I am going to deal with the ... people... summarily:- one moment they will be alive and the next, let us just say that living on top of what once was volcanic land can be quite... explosive.
I am NOT going to manually kill these fools, because that would be making them seem like something... important.
i will jst make sure the... undesirables are removed.
I have also been thinking about the 'women' that I selected, and come to the conclusion that the five I had said were IT, are in fact NOT quite there, because I would have had to put up with some very... undesirable traits, and attitudes, from them.
Like then Dutch girl, who did not quite get the point that the MOST important thing ouught to have been her clarifying issues for me as far as she and her ... companion... were concerned, because I will not compete for anyone's attention. She actually wanted me to make the move and sapare her from being...responsible.
I choose instead to let the final year psychology student 2010, whom I encountered at valkenberg, and who, when I was merely talking, made it clear that the man she had been with when she came, and who later gave me christian books, was just a 'sweet kid', with the implication being that he was not 'like you and me'.
of course, then I was trying to tell her I am going to die anyway, and she tried to calm me down by speaking Afrikaans... ah well, you know the rest!
then there is the Simonstown blonde chick, who, after seeing me eyeing the red-head, went something like, 'well, what about me?', and, well, as I said, I do NOT compete for attention, or have someone compete... so, i drop her, which gives me considerable lattitude to make Simonstown a liberal inferno, with everything within a radius of 2km reduced to dust and ashes, without me fearing that I may ... incinerate... one of the fifteen women. I choose instead the pretty nurse at Victoria Hospital[2010], whose voice I heard, and who, despite not being white, makes the grade because shemade me aware just how aware of me she was... despite the circumstances .
these two women should have heeded The Hippocrates Oath, but after having a nurse at Fish Hoek hospital say she would put a catheter in me as an excuse to fondle my dick, and after acknoweldging that somehow, people usually show them selves as they REALLY are around me, I lat it pass, because what I NEEDED were people who, despite the flak I was catching from those who... knew me... found me as being something... worthwhile.
the Third is one I grab as a replacement for the chick with the pitted face, who flashed her underwear at me;- the capricorn chick [coloured] whose voice i ALSO heard, and it did not irritate me, who I was on the taxi with the day we were charged big bucks to get just to capricorn when I had just started staying at Claremont, or was it the day i moved there, or night?
the Fourth would be the chick I stared at as she passed over me at Sunny Cove station, who was walking , maybe, from the Glencairn side, and who, as she walked over the bridge that leads to Jager's walk, turned and looked back at me and then she , as she descended the steps, hunched her shoulders back anddid this squeezing-her-legs thing like someone embarrased to be under scrutiny, like it was HER who found it strange that a man should be looking at her so... intently. It was saturday, and ...well, things get complicated, when you seem to be led by two different, distinct... entities, with God on one hand and the one who taps into the mond and subverts the truth- fucking cunt of a spirit- on the other.
I have discovered that I would rather not have anything that the holy spirit recommends, so I will not.
the fifth is the girl with the shepherd dog, at the simonstown beach, who should have run off and gone away, but she stood and waited, as if, partly, to await being given a tongue lashing... which would have been a very huge subversion of the norm, and partly as if to point out that she did not see things as I saw them, which about rounds up those I will have with me.
I do NOT have to hold on to stuff, things either come my way or they go away. I have nothing to lose.
So, for the rest, it is curtains!
Thursday, 28 March 2013
Wednesday, 27 March 2013
Cry havoc and let loose ... The God of WAR
My little bit of... ego... is so... HURT... that no one from South Africa read my last post, especially as I thought it so... witty.
Yeah, well, fuck them, right?
because at this moment, my main concern is the other ... little... matter, such as the fact that, in a couple of days, people are going to be celebrating the... martyrdom... of christ, and thus, everyone's life will have to be put on hold for this 'joyous' event.
Fucking story of my life!
the last time I ended up in hospital, that is, way back when I drank rat poison...eh... that is a story in itself... I had done so under protest:-
God had the... gall... to add 15 years to my life, to endure being part of a system when i was trying strenuously to be anything but, and then, after I had sold everything I owned, drank the night away, and then woken up, basically homeless, and not caring, I had used the last of my money [the whole point of the exercise]and bought a large quantity of 'certifiably toxic' rat poison, and some orange juice to go down with it, or make it go down and make havoc in my intestines.
Then, inappropriately, as I took the train and ended up at False bay station, for the first time in my life, I realised that I needed someone to know that I was dead, someone removed from the whole scene, who would get around to informing my parents, but would not be likely to... find the body... just so that I could chuck myself in some hidden hole somewhere and end my life.
So, I called this guy, right, and funny thing was that, as I spoke on the phone, I started chocking, maybe because of the sourness of the whole thing, and the guy was able to find out where i was and send an ambulance, and so, I ended up at False Bay Hospital, and thus, ended up at happy Valley, after it transpired that the only thing 'fixed' about me was my death-wish... not an 'abode'.
Again, someone ended up... fixing... what I was trying to destroy.
I promptly moved out of happy valley home, and went to the back, where I lay and brooded, and worried that someone would come and take 'charge' of me... which is my greatest, and only, fear... and
well, God then showed up, and the funny thing was that, it was raining, and I lay in the open, fed up with someone having to always have some say over my life, and He showed me a vision of a leopard in a cave, and after He had repeatedly done so, I think many times, it struck me that He was saying I would not be... changed... if I was to take shelter... in a cave, since, as we all know, a 'leopard can not change its spots' as He Himself said.
So, I climbed up the mountain overlooking happy valley, found myself a cave, and brooded there.About revenge.
Because it WAS sinking in that I was NOT dying, and therefore, the period of self pity would pass away, and THEN, I would sink my teeth into the problem of people who had walked all over me, mainly, the women, and I would deal with THEM first, and then, with the rest of the 'system' later.
And God seemed to be pointing out to me at that time that, as it is roughly translated from Shona to English 'even a shilling is a big deal' when it comes to a grievance.
And I was thinking of my ex-girlfriend, and how I had ended up being humiliated [which would NOT have been the case had I died, since I had approached every aspect of my life with an aim to just ... die]because i had picked an 'easy' target, a woman with a child, since they are easy to get laid with, and also make you suffer because they treat you with contempt for even looking at them like they are human beings, and wonder at the same time if you are not ashamed to be seen with, as my mother put it, 'another man's piss'.
That suited me fine at the time, because I needed all the humiliation I could get to end up convinced I was dirt, but then, this 'dirt' did not go to ground.
So, when all was said and done, I got mad.
Till I got sidetracked because the fucking dirty spirit wanted me to be forgiving, and I ended up looking at the girl's friend, as a possible... 'replacement', and when I did so, I had this...thrill of joy.. in my heart [pure dramatics on the idiot's part, like "good little doggy, now you are learning"] and I found myself back at happy valley AGAIN, this time a bible totting... reformed... person.
Till I came to the part in the bible where god tells abraham to kill his son, and the guy ultimately did not and God did not speak, but an angel did, and i started seeing the difference. God KNEW abraham had learnt the important thing, that his son kept him from the son's mother [hence his over-bearing attitude to the boy] and He told him the obvious thing:- kill him and be free of him, and the woman is yours.
Technically, had abraham done so, he would have found out why God was mad at him for being IN the situation to begin with, and so the man was facing a lose-lose situation, because he would not be responsible, see? he wanted it to be God's fault that he had a son, God's fault that he dies, and you will find that all along the man avoided ultimate responsibility, and died... well, a fuck-up.
Anyway, my story goes this way:- BEFORE, i did not care who walked all over me because I wanted to be walked all over because i wanted this God thing removed from my psyche, but this "God -thing" is getting more than a little... BIGGER with each passing day.
And I have reached the point where I make my ultimate decision:- do I carry on having people have their way with their lives, or do I let it rip?
The answer is simple:- and I promise you one thing,
Yeah, well, fuck them, right?
because at this moment, my main concern is the other ... little... matter, such as the fact that, in a couple of days, people are going to be celebrating the... martyrdom... of christ, and thus, everyone's life will have to be put on hold for this 'joyous' event.
Fucking story of my life!
the last time I ended up in hospital, that is, way back when I drank rat poison...eh... that is a story in itself... I had done so under protest:-
God had the... gall... to add 15 years to my life, to endure being part of a system when i was trying strenuously to be anything but, and then, after I had sold everything I owned, drank the night away, and then woken up, basically homeless, and not caring, I had used the last of my money [the whole point of the exercise]and bought a large quantity of 'certifiably toxic' rat poison, and some orange juice to go down with it, or make it go down and make havoc in my intestines.
Then, inappropriately, as I took the train and ended up at False bay station, for the first time in my life, I realised that I needed someone to know that I was dead, someone removed from the whole scene, who would get around to informing my parents, but would not be likely to... find the body... just so that I could chuck myself in some hidden hole somewhere and end my life.
So, I called this guy, right, and funny thing was that, as I spoke on the phone, I started chocking, maybe because of the sourness of the whole thing, and the guy was able to find out where i was and send an ambulance, and so, I ended up at False Bay Hospital, and thus, ended up at happy Valley, after it transpired that the only thing 'fixed' about me was my death-wish... not an 'abode'.
Again, someone ended up... fixing... what I was trying to destroy.
I promptly moved out of happy valley home, and went to the back, where I lay and brooded, and worried that someone would come and take 'charge' of me... which is my greatest, and only, fear... and
well, God then showed up, and the funny thing was that, it was raining, and I lay in the open, fed up with someone having to always have some say over my life, and He showed me a vision of a leopard in a cave, and after He had repeatedly done so, I think many times, it struck me that He was saying I would not be... changed... if I was to take shelter... in a cave, since, as we all know, a 'leopard can not change its spots' as He Himself said.
So, I climbed up the mountain overlooking happy valley, found myself a cave, and brooded there.About revenge.
Because it WAS sinking in that I was NOT dying, and therefore, the period of self pity would pass away, and THEN, I would sink my teeth into the problem of people who had walked all over me, mainly, the women, and I would deal with THEM first, and then, with the rest of the 'system' later.
And God seemed to be pointing out to me at that time that, as it is roughly translated from Shona to English 'even a shilling is a big deal' when it comes to a grievance.
And I was thinking of my ex-girlfriend, and how I had ended up being humiliated [which would NOT have been the case had I died, since I had approached every aspect of my life with an aim to just ... die]because i had picked an 'easy' target, a woman with a child, since they are easy to get laid with, and also make you suffer because they treat you with contempt for even looking at them like they are human beings, and wonder at the same time if you are not ashamed to be seen with, as my mother put it, 'another man's piss'.
That suited me fine at the time, because I needed all the humiliation I could get to end up convinced I was dirt, but then, this 'dirt' did not go to ground.
So, when all was said and done, I got mad.
Till I got sidetracked because the fucking dirty spirit wanted me to be forgiving, and I ended up looking at the girl's friend, as a possible... 'replacement', and when I did so, I had this...thrill of joy.. in my heart [pure dramatics on the idiot's part, like "good little doggy, now you are learning"] and I found myself back at happy valley AGAIN, this time a bible totting... reformed... person.
Till I came to the part in the bible where god tells abraham to kill his son, and the guy ultimately did not and God did not speak, but an angel did, and i started seeing the difference. God KNEW abraham had learnt the important thing, that his son kept him from the son's mother [hence his over-bearing attitude to the boy] and He told him the obvious thing:- kill him and be free of him, and the woman is yours.
Technically, had abraham done so, he would have found out why God was mad at him for being IN the situation to begin with, and so the man was facing a lose-lose situation, because he would not be responsible, see? he wanted it to be God's fault that he had a son, God's fault that he dies, and you will find that all along the man avoided ultimate responsibility, and died... well, a fuck-up.
Anyway, my story goes this way:- BEFORE, i did not care who walked all over me because I wanted to be walked all over because i wanted this God thing removed from my psyche, but this "God -thing" is getting more than a little... BIGGER with each passing day.
And I have reached the point where I make my ultimate decision:- do I carry on having people have their way with their lives, or do I let it rip?
The answer is simple:- and I promise you one thing,
This Easter, which starts, when, in two days;-
If it goes like
ANY
other Easter, then I would be dead.
Because I am NOT, and I repeat, NOT
letting the things that put restraints in my path
CONTINUE
doing so.
I see the likes of the Gulf regions getting denuded by a torrent of sea-water,
I see the likes of the Vatican getting bombed by a human meteorite, and sinking,
I see the removal of presidents, and destruction of upheld beliefs,
And I see complete mayhem from one end of the world to another.
But first, I see it happening... in Simonstown
THIS EASTER
If it goes like
ANY
other Easter, then I would be dead.
Because I am NOT, and I repeat, NOT
letting the things that put restraints in my path
CONTINUE
doing so.
I see the likes of the Gulf regions getting denuded by a torrent of sea-water,
I see the likes of the Vatican getting bombed by a human meteorite, and sinking,
I see the removal of presidents, and destruction of upheld beliefs,
And I see complete mayhem from one end of the world to another.
But first, I see it happening... in Simonstown
THIS EASTER
Tuesday, 26 March 2013
Relegation Threatened
Back in Zim, there is this 'national soccer team', Dynamos FC, which is, pedigree-wise, the most succesful soccer team in the country, having done something that not any other team has ever done:- reached [not sure if they won] the finals of the African equivalent of the champions league.
but that was way back in those very early years, when people like moses chunga played, and , of course, being harare based, the team has all sorts of political and ethnic ... connotations, with the South vs North clash between De-Mbare [as it is known] and the Ndebele giants Highlanders being a replay of the post independence Gukurahundi ethnic ... cleansing... that led to many of the southerners leaving the country for South africa, from where they had originally come, and , in the view of every true blue shone person, taken over the country contemptuously, and then selling it for some grains of sugar [literally] to the deceitful white people.
Now, afew years back, right, the apple of the North, de-mbare [based in the very notorious Mbare township, where every manner of trickster has his ... or her... roots {i should say in the time i spent there i enjoyed myself very much , in my usual self-destructive way, although I was living at the time in much more 'respectable' and up-market New Cranborne, having actually been BORN at a clinic in mbare while my father, then working at King George VI , or KG6 as it was known, was quartered at the cranborne barracks}and it was there that I and a cousin tricked this other guy of diamonda and got a healthy start to life... it was not about the money for me, I blew it a thousand ways without even a second thought;- it was and has always been, about the risk] was bottom of the log, and faced relegation, see?
So, maybe due to pressure from the very top, way over the top echelons of the Football administration body ZIFA, it was muted that they should add more teams to the Premier Soccer league... since it was unheard of that the national icon should be allowed to fall into such disgrace and there be no more... need ... to even watch local football.
there was maybe a single match remaining, and if de-mabre did not collect maximum points, it would have to face relegation, which would have made it... necessary... for ZIFA to add more teams which would have left ZIFA banned from FIFA for political interference in the game which would have meant all sorts of... chaos, see?
Fortunately, the team struggled out of its slump and actually avoided the disgrace.
And remained in the soccer league.
Now, if I was not just a little bit... wiser... I would say I was very, very, very VERY tempted to... interfere in a similar manner to avoid a certain... relegation... of my own.
but I have learnt the hard way that I can have whatever I want, provided whatever that is also wants me... eh... I am talking about people here, and as I KNOW that I have the... attention span ... as far as people are concerned... of a few milliseconds... unless I am very interested in causing that person ... distress, I an NOT going to interfere.
I will say this much, though:- I had absolutely NO idea just how very... pissed off I was at people till the day I saw butt-head's mom in a dress, and I was walking behind her, and I actually LOOKED for redeeming features and stuff, wondering if I could have a good word to say of her, but I just saw... inky black.
Now, if a person is a skilful... fighter... the person gets the opponent out of his comfort zone, and thus , when the person has lost confidence, he can then literally take him to pieces, right? Like this other guy I beat up at Happy Valley, who gave me this half-moon scar on my right arm:- guy was built like a giant tree, and when i tried to push him he would not budge, right, and so i laid left and right jabs at him, and the guy only jerked his head back and kept standing. fuck, I could not believe it. Itrust my hands. Big time. they are much more lethal than a pair of knives, but they has as much effect on the big guy as a friendly poke.SO, anyway, I tried to wrestle him to the ground... that, AFTER I had let him land a punch, just to get his measure, and I had felt nothing, no pain, no poer behind it. And it hit me full in the face.
So, I had grabbed him, and guy bites me.
on the arm. Right though the T-shirt.
i laughed.
because I realised the idiot was FEELING the pain, and I never bothered to even pry his teeth loose.
I laid into him with my left, broke his jaw, and he ran off.
Same with butt-head's mom.
she lost her game.
she had been an ... enigma to me.{Think "October fδδls day" Sunday 22? October} Someone I could not fathom.
till she panicked.
And I KNEW I had her.
But
My source of... unexpected joy... was later seeing allison, who, lets face it, OK, she is without doubt the SEXIEST woman I have encountered, and as the total package, I absolutely ... LOVE... everything I saw {so I was griping about stuff, but then, I always do}, because till then, I had assumed she was like the moon, obvious, but obviously inaccessible.
Fuck, she looked even better without the S/Town setting, and when I looked at her, I actually realised that, after all this is over, I actually could call myself happy, if she was around.
but, then, there are no free rides, because what motivates me the most is this... I am and ANGRY motherfucker, looking for revenge, and this i promise, the time is ticking and the days of my... slumber are soon to be past, see?
I am going to do as I promised, and I will lay into the whole of the osc, and leave neither child nor mother, neither male nor female, alive.
the only person I can say I have any... time for... is allison herslelf, but I will not stop for her. If she has not made... the cut... before I arise... then she falls by the same sword that will lay the others flat.
nothing personal, its just MY way, or hell. You get to choose.THAT. there is no option 'C'.
That is not all. Though she may come my way, and her family lives, they are still going to be homeless, because I will destroy the WHOLE of Cape Town as I leave, because I truly hate the place, so, the people will have to shift for themselves.With no help from me.At least they will not be instant toast.
but that was way back in those very early years, when people like moses chunga played, and , of course, being harare based, the team has all sorts of political and ethnic ... connotations, with the South vs North clash between De-Mbare [as it is known] and the Ndebele giants Highlanders being a replay of the post independence Gukurahundi ethnic ... cleansing... that led to many of the southerners leaving the country for South africa, from where they had originally come, and , in the view of every true blue shone person, taken over the country contemptuously, and then selling it for some grains of sugar [literally] to the deceitful white people.
Now, afew years back, right, the apple of the North, de-mbare [based in the very notorious Mbare township, where every manner of trickster has his ... or her... roots {i should say in the time i spent there i enjoyed myself very much , in my usual self-destructive way, although I was living at the time in much more 'respectable' and up-market New Cranborne, having actually been BORN at a clinic in mbare while my father, then working at King George VI , or KG6 as it was known, was quartered at the cranborne barracks}and it was there that I and a cousin tricked this other guy of diamonda and got a healthy start to life... it was not about the money for me, I blew it a thousand ways without even a second thought;- it was and has always been, about the risk] was bottom of the log, and faced relegation, see?
So, maybe due to pressure from the very top, way over the top echelons of the Football administration body ZIFA, it was muted that they should add more teams to the Premier Soccer league... since it was unheard of that the national icon should be allowed to fall into such disgrace and there be no more... need ... to even watch local football.
there was maybe a single match remaining, and if de-mabre did not collect maximum points, it would have to face relegation, which would have made it... necessary... for ZIFA to add more teams which would have left ZIFA banned from FIFA for political interference in the game which would have meant all sorts of... chaos, see?
Fortunately, the team struggled out of its slump and actually avoided the disgrace.
And remained in the soccer league.
but I have learnt the hard way that I can have whatever I want, provided whatever that is also wants me... eh... I am talking about people here, and as I KNOW that I have the... attention span ... as far as people are concerned... of a few milliseconds... unless I am very interested in causing that person ... distress, I an NOT going to interfere.
I will say this much, though:- I had absolutely NO idea just how very... pissed off I was at people till the day I saw butt-head's mom in a dress, and I was walking behind her, and I actually LOOKED for redeeming features and stuff, wondering if I could have a good word to say of her, but I just saw... inky black.
Now, if a person is a skilful... fighter... the person gets the opponent out of his comfort zone, and thus , when the person has lost confidence, he can then literally take him to pieces, right? Like this other guy I beat up at Happy Valley, who gave me this half-moon scar on my right arm:- guy was built like a giant tree, and when i tried to push him he would not budge, right, and so i laid left and right jabs at him, and the guy only jerked his head back and kept standing. fuck, I could not believe it. Itrust my hands. Big time. they are much more lethal than a pair of knives, but they has as much effect on the big guy as a friendly poke.SO, anyway, I tried to wrestle him to the ground... that, AFTER I had let him land a punch, just to get his measure, and I had felt nothing, no pain, no poer behind it. And it hit me full in the face.
So, I had grabbed him, and guy bites me.
on the arm. Right though the T-shirt.
i laughed.
because I realised the idiot was FEELING the pain, and I never bothered to even pry his teeth loose.
I laid into him with my left, broke his jaw, and he ran off.
Same with butt-head's mom.
she lost her game.
she had been an ... enigma to me.{Think "October fδδls day" Sunday 22? October} Someone I could not fathom.
till she panicked.
And I KNEW I had her.
But
My source of... unexpected joy... was later seeing allison, who, lets face it, OK, she is without doubt the SEXIEST woman I have encountered, and as the total package, I absolutely ... LOVE... everything I saw {so I was griping about stuff, but then, I always do}, because till then, I had assumed she was like the moon, obvious, but obviously inaccessible.
Fuck, she looked even better without the S/Town setting, and when I looked at her, I actually realised that, after all this is over, I actually could call myself happy, if she was around.
but, then, there are no free rides, because what motivates me the most is this... I am and ANGRY motherfucker, looking for revenge, and this i promise, the time is ticking and the days of my... slumber are soon to be past, see?
I am going to do as I promised, and I will lay into the whole of the osc, and leave neither child nor mother, neither male nor female, alive.
the only person I can say I have any... time for... is allison herslelf, but I will not stop for her. If she has not made... the cut... before I arise... then she falls by the same sword that will lay the others flat.
nothing personal, its just MY way, or hell. You get to choose.THAT. there is no option 'C'.
That is not all. Though she may come my way, and her family lives, they are still going to be homeless, because I will destroy the WHOLE of Cape Town as I leave, because I truly hate the place, so, the people will have to shift for themselves.With no help from me.At least they will not be instant toast.
Its like that, see?
Monday, 25 March 2013
Let there be a Firmament... and let it... separate
Yesterday I decide I am not going anywhere, and so, taking the advice of this rasta guy who stays on the same mountain and who showed me where I could get some water that collected on the rocks from the recebnt rain, I go up a little on the mountain, and fetch some, to cook, so i would not have to make myself visible to the osc and just keep my peace of mind.
I am on the mountain top, and I am looking across the bay, and I can see the lighthouse, and I can see, if i work at it, the houses where the fools stay, and I am like, fuck, they could not possibly be looking up here, so, I do some ...stretching and loosen my limbs.
the climbing has drained all the fat from my body; I am fit, and lean, and what I had lost in speed when it comes to fighting, by adding bulk... I have regained.
I am at the peak og my fighting prowess, like I am... fresh.
But, it is one thing to be fast and able to take on a whole crowd of people, but hey, flesh and blood does NOT fly, and I could never, as I am, just become airborne.
So, I went down to my place, and thought about it, and ate... maybe three meals in a space of a couple of hours, and then came back again up and this time just sat, staring disconsolately at the lighthouse.
That was when God, in a very soft voice, said to me the words I have come to... dread... "Tell Me what you want from Me", and I said, without worrying about any directed "asking", plainly:- "Father, I want to fly;- without wings".
Then I went down.
Funny thing, I went down memory lane, and discovered the real reason I wanted to die, and while I would LIKE to say it was God's... interference, the truth is quite... different, and showed me up in a different light to what I had originally assumed I was.
Let us go back some eleven years in my life, and that is 2002, when everyone has had time to pick up their jaws from the floor at my extra-ordinarily ... ungrateful, let-down, stupid... behaviour.
I mean, there I was, dus wunderkid, the family Crown prince, loaded and primed with so much grey matter I had no equal, and exceptionally good at what I did academically so much so that no one seriously minded my anti-social ways.
till I decided I would just ... NOT... do what was expected of me.
And thus lost the 'respect' of my family, and mostly, my sisters, and became just... a fool.
with no plan.
yet, despite that, I felt quite protective of my family members, my sisters especially, and MOSTLY the one who is just two years and six days younger than me, because she was always into scrapes and was so... vulnerable ...that I always felt this compulsion to look after her.
But she decides , after i spurned my mother's hard work to get me through school, to become an exemplary child, and she espoused my mother's political beliefs wholeheartedly. So much so that she joins the national youth service, and goes for the six month indoctrination, before the 2003 elections.
meanwhile, I am a mind-numbingly dull boilermaker's apprentice, through my mother's tireless efforts to make me into something -and i KNEW i would not finish the course, and the people who inetrviewed me KNEW i would not finish the course{I was over-qualified}- but politics has a way of ignoring the obvious, right?
Anyway, it is 2003, and one morning, as I am in Kwekwe, at the Poly, for my one year's NC in Fabrication Engineering, I wake up with a VERY bad feeling.
Something is wrong.
With a specific someone.
Someone I had appointed myself a guardian over.
my young sister.
true enough, when I cal home that evening, I hear she is back home, and my mother says that she has been sent back because she has 'no blood'.
Now, she may be slimmer than everyone, and almost as tall as me, but I know we come from quite robust stock, and my mother is known for obfuscating the truth, so, immediately, I KNOW what the problem REALLY is, and I decide to come home immediately, and for sure, the girl has no blood.
She looks like a skeleton.
And since one plus one equals two, then the only reason she could be like that, in a sexually permissive environment like she was in... is THE DISEASE.
My sister is dying, before my very eyes.
And there was NOTHING I could do about it.
I was not, remember, on speaking terms with God, because I blamed Him for messing my life up with His insistence on honesty, so I never even... asked for favours from Him. or evn prayed.
I just quietly went to pieces.
Because to myself, I had failed, in the worst possible way.
So, I decided I would die, in the same manner.
It has been ten years now, and while I may be a few months less... infected than her, the girl does not show her face anywhere anymore. She is not on facebook [which I still MUST put completely out of commision], and when my youngest sister graduated at University, although she was at home, there was NO picture of her on her party shots which she posted on her facebook wall.
Reason; she must be quite... unsightly to look at, by now.
She was the lightest of us, a real throwback to my partenal grandmother's Ndebele/coloured background, but, knowing what I know about the disease, she is probably ash black and not even a copious amount of Vaseline would make her skin shine anymore; head is probably hung at an angle because her neck can not support it, and she is probably waffer thin, with hair falling out in huge amounts.
And here I am, living among people, with the gradual realisation dawning on me that I REALLY can not die. I mean, I have taken no pills, done nothing to look after myself... better, but I am basically living fitter than your average person.
It was only yesterday that I grasped the full import of that.
I wanted to die because I had seen myself as so much of a failure that I could not live for myself:- I mean, if my mother hated me so much that I ought to have died so that others would not be prejudiced, then she had to have SOME right, right?
Wrong!
God saw to it that these feelings would NOT get in the way of the truth, and He did something that he has done for NO ONE else... ever:- He gave a piece of Himself, and put that in me, and I had no idea that I actually have had a direct, indisputable, link with the AWESOME God from birth... or conception... and THAT, people, is what will enable me to... fly... without wings.
As soon as I stop beating myself over the head trying to blame myself for what others do all on their own.
See, thing is, God KNEW that the kind of world I would want is the one where, instead of doing things for others out of guilt, I would do NOTHING FOR anyone; instead i would do them for ME, for my gratification.
hence, me having the thing about ten women, with five thrown in, with the last one of the five being the ONLY reason I ever even considered allison, because when I accpetd that girl with her... face... I also realised I had no real reason to just throw that chick out like that.
Since i never actually saw her try to get anything out of me, like butt-head's mom, nicky and michelle did.
Although i am rather unhappy that she ... pretended... with me.
Anyway, maybe that is something that I will never have, that woman, because well, once I ... release the total... me, then it would be too late for her.
I am on the mountain top, and I am looking across the bay, and I can see the lighthouse, and I can see, if i work at it, the houses where the fools stay, and I am like, fuck, they could not possibly be looking up here, so, I do some ...stretching and loosen my limbs.
the climbing has drained all the fat from my body; I am fit, and lean, and what I had lost in speed when it comes to fighting, by adding bulk... I have regained.
I am at the peak og my fighting prowess, like I am... fresh.
But, it is one thing to be fast and able to take on a whole crowd of people, but hey, flesh and blood does NOT fly, and I could never, as I am, just become airborne.
So, I went down to my place, and thought about it, and ate... maybe three meals in a space of a couple of hours, and then came back again up and this time just sat, staring disconsolately at the lighthouse.
That was when God, in a very soft voice, said to me the words I have come to... dread... "Tell Me what you want from Me", and I said, without worrying about any directed "asking", plainly:- "Father, I want to fly;- without wings".
Then I went down.
Funny thing, I went down memory lane, and discovered the real reason I wanted to die, and while I would LIKE to say it was God's... interference, the truth is quite... different, and showed me up in a different light to what I had originally assumed I was.
Let us go back some eleven years in my life, and that is 2002, when everyone has had time to pick up their jaws from the floor at my extra-ordinarily ... ungrateful, let-down, stupid... behaviour.
I mean, there I was, dus wunderkid, the family Crown prince, loaded and primed with so much grey matter I had no equal, and exceptionally good at what I did academically so much so that no one seriously minded my anti-social ways.
till I decided I would just ... NOT... do what was expected of me.
And thus lost the 'respect' of my family, and mostly, my sisters, and became just... a fool.
with no plan.
yet, despite that, I felt quite protective of my family members, my sisters especially, and MOSTLY the one who is just two years and six days younger than me, because she was always into scrapes and was so... vulnerable ...that I always felt this compulsion to look after her.
But she decides , after i spurned my mother's hard work to get me through school, to become an exemplary child, and she espoused my mother's political beliefs wholeheartedly. So much so that she joins the national youth service, and goes for the six month indoctrination, before the 2003 elections.
meanwhile, I am a mind-numbingly dull boilermaker's apprentice, through my mother's tireless efforts to make me into something -and i KNEW i would not finish the course, and the people who inetrviewed me KNEW i would not finish the course{I was over-qualified}- but politics has a way of ignoring the obvious, right?
Anyway, it is 2003, and one morning, as I am in Kwekwe, at the Poly, for my one year's NC in Fabrication Engineering, I wake up with a VERY bad feeling.
Something is wrong.
With a specific someone.
Someone I had appointed myself a guardian over.
my young sister.
true enough, when I cal home that evening, I hear she is back home, and my mother says that she has been sent back because she has 'no blood'.
Now, she may be slimmer than everyone, and almost as tall as me, but I know we come from quite robust stock, and my mother is known for obfuscating the truth, so, immediately, I KNOW what the problem REALLY is, and I decide to come home immediately, and for sure, the girl has no blood.
She looks like a skeleton.
And since one plus one equals two, then the only reason she could be like that, in a sexually permissive environment like she was in... is THE DISEASE.
My sister is dying, before my very eyes.
And there was NOTHING I could do about it.
I was not, remember, on speaking terms with God, because I blamed Him for messing my life up with His insistence on honesty, so I never even... asked for favours from Him. or evn prayed.
I just quietly went to pieces.
Because to myself, I had failed, in the worst possible way.
So, I decided I would die, in the same manner.
It has been ten years now, and while I may be a few months less... infected than her, the girl does not show her face anywhere anymore. She is not on facebook [which I still MUST put completely out of commision], and when my youngest sister graduated at University, although she was at home, there was NO picture of her on her party shots which she posted on her facebook wall.
Reason; she must be quite... unsightly to look at, by now.
She was the lightest of us, a real throwback to my partenal grandmother's Ndebele/coloured background, but, knowing what I know about the disease, she is probably ash black and not even a copious amount of Vaseline would make her skin shine anymore; head is probably hung at an angle because her neck can not support it, and she is probably waffer thin, with hair falling out in huge amounts.
And here I am, living among people, with the gradual realisation dawning on me that I REALLY can not die. I mean, I have taken no pills, done nothing to look after myself... better, but I am basically living fitter than your average person.
It was only yesterday that I grasped the full import of that.
I wanted to die because I had seen myself as so much of a failure that I could not live for myself:- I mean, if my mother hated me so much that I ought to have died so that others would not be prejudiced, then she had to have SOME right, right?
Wrong!
God saw to it that these feelings would NOT get in the way of the truth, and He did something that he has done for NO ONE else... ever:- He gave a piece of Himself, and put that in me, and I had no idea that I actually have had a direct, indisputable, link with the AWESOME God from birth... or conception... and THAT, people, is what will enable me to... fly... without wings.
As soon as I stop beating myself over the head trying to blame myself for what others do all on their own.
See, thing is, God KNEW that the kind of world I would want is the one where, instead of doing things for others out of guilt, I would do NOTHING FOR anyone; instead i would do them for ME, for my gratification.
hence, me having the thing about ten women, with five thrown in, with the last one of the five being the ONLY reason I ever even considered allison, because when I accpetd that girl with her... face... I also realised I had no real reason to just throw that chick out like that.
Since i never actually saw her try to get anything out of me, like butt-head's mom, nicky and michelle did.
Although i am rather unhappy that she ... pretended... with me.
Anyway, maybe that is something that I will never have, that woman, because well, once I ... release the total... me, then it would be too late for her.
Saturday, 23 March 2013
Primary... approach
One thing I like about my... solitude ... is that it has kept me from goiung totally ballistic, because had I been staying with some other people, I would probably have killed someone by now.
Speaking of solitude, I suppose that I MUST mention this;- The Key to ... everything, and what is what God meant by:- Government Thor: Cape Flats because, finally, I have conclusively come to the real meaning, and THIS is what is going to make ... sense ... to the OSC, and also show them just... eh... WHY I am going to be going totally apeshit in a few days, and wreaking havoc wholesale among them... FIRST.
Yess!
This will lay you Flat on your asses, ass-holes!
Remember I said that God ... humiliated me... the day after i paid attention to this chick I was using to get my mother's goat, but did not come clean about things to?
yeah, He showed her, the night when she had become very concerned about my continued... estrangement... from my mother [she actually saw herself as a potential daughter-in-law, someone who would hold the reins on me] and urged me to be reconciled, but I would NOT have anything to do with my mom, and invited my sisters instead:- well He showed her what would happen the day after, me and my sisters, dressed exactly as we all were, and walking exactly as we did, and... THEN... He showed her this giant black bottle, and a... cross... very big as well, and the positioning of these things was what had me panicking for a while, because they were in the general direction of the house of the prostitutes i used to ... frequently visit, and have skin-on-skin sex with...;- yeah, radical, right?[ so never assume that I actually am not prepared to put my life on the line when it comes to things, ha ha!]...
BUT
it was also in the general direction of the... PRIMARY school I went to.
So, First things First.
Now, I am, as you may have noticed, NOT a fan of your christ, and as it turns out, he was NOT crucified on a cross as you all want to take ity. NO.
The bones in a human hand do not have the... resislience to be able to support even half the human weight of an adult male, be he as small as 1.6 m, when the arms are spreadeagled.
instead, what the romans used to do was erect a single upright pole, and at the or near the apex to be more accurate, they would bring the hands together, and nail a single spike through both wrists, and THEN do the same just at the ankles.
They actualkly did this with the pole and person supine, then they would lever the whole thing into a ready made hole.
the point to all this is one ... chokes/suffocates ... to death.
try breathing when for every breath you have to lever yourself upright, against the screaming pain in your hands, and then breathe out, and lower yourself, exhausted, onto the pain in your legs, and to do that FOR EVERY BREATH! Fuck, you would end up giving up, and just dying, because it is either pain or more pain, for a small breath.
Anyway, the 'cross' that this chick later saw glowing and becomeing a VERY big light so that she fell forward and thought christ was coming, was just God's way of telling HER that I am
Primarily very CROSS and BITTER with women
This being something I picked up from my mother, who I observed from a young age, and could not for the life of me figure out why she called herself Mrs Mashora when she would not let Mr Mashora touch her. They used to have wrestling matches just about every other night, and since my bedroom was closest to them, I heard everything, and hated the ... violence... in their tones to each other.
I mean, make no mistake about it, these two people, when no one else was around, HATED each other, and yet stayed together for appearances' sake.
I never could reconcile the daylight mother and father to the two animals I heard at night.
now, if there were TWO people, why then did I hate my mom and not my day? you may well ask:- and I will tell you:
Women do not recognise boundaries the way men do, because when they are, say, mothers, they assume they own everything, even your right to pee when you want to.
they have no respect for the dignity of a person, and they go about thinking that they have the God-given right to poke their noses everywhere and anywhere and say anything they think they should because they are women and one should take them as weaker/priviledged beings.
As far as I am concerned, anyone who takes that line with me... dies.
I have no respect for anyone who does NOT respect the boundaries I set, none at all.
Though, to be honest, I have no respect for anyone, period, because you all are really piss-ant fuck-ups, and I actually hate every single person I come acroiss, and frankly waqs waiting for the day whenh I get the umlimited and unqualified right to dispense with people's lives as I see fit.
I also hate people who think they can do things to impress me, or who think they can get me to... give way... to them.
like michelle coming along and trying her best to get me to be... interested ... in her, and inviting me to church like wqe ever discussed religion, punching me on the arm the day she interrupted my research to go to this pastor chris' yookos thing and saying "i will not marry you, ou are too clever for me" so that I would get the HINT that she was saying she was available... or her showing up, driving by as I walked along to F/H library and muttering to herself as ahe passed because I was being stubborn, or her driving past again when I was in S/Town and looking down on anything I did, like hug girls, simply because it did not fit the if-you-are-with-God-you-should-behave-yourself mentality that she thought she would instil in me; all this because she was busy looking for someone to take care of her child, and there I was, going to America, and she wanted to get me to be impressed with her pathetic carcass!
But she is not the only one:- The REAL reson that butt-head's mom pissed me a few days ago is that she OBVIOUSLY read my post and ceased on the thing I said, that allison knew how to dress, so she decided, well, me too, maybe you like dresses, and so she showed up as she did.
Allison has a ... SHAPE... and she does not.
She may have a beautiful face and all that, but there is NO comparison between the two.
While allison made no bones about her lack of... indifference... to me, she acted all... motherly. And I hate mothers. Period.
She shows up the first time because she thinks if I see her and her demeannour I would , for her sake, take the swinging damocles sword off from her son.
Well, I will kill him anyway.
She did exactly what michelle did:- trying to impress me and all that stuff, instead of being open and being herself, and leaving the I-am-a-mother stuff behind, because that, to me is an INSULT, and for that, fuck I will wring her scrawny neck and leave no trace that she ever existed, or even stayed anywhere. I will NOT be content with just demolishing her life, I will demolish those lofty posts from which sheand everyone of the bitches and their sycophant, lunatic sons and males used to spy on me, and there will remain nothing but scorched earth where their places used to be.
Fucking bitches!
Speaking of solitude, I suppose that I MUST mention this;- The Key to ... everything, and what is what God meant by:- Government Thor: Cape Flats because, finally, I have conclusively come to the real meaning, and THIS is what is going to make ... sense ... to the OSC, and also show them just... eh... WHY I am going to be going totally apeshit in a few days, and wreaking havoc wholesale among them... FIRST.
Yess!
This will lay you Flat on your asses, ass-holes!
Remember I said that God ... humiliated me... the day after i paid attention to this chick I was using to get my mother's goat, but did not come clean about things to?
yeah, He showed her, the night when she had become very concerned about my continued... estrangement... from my mother [she actually saw herself as a potential daughter-in-law, someone who would hold the reins on me] and urged me to be reconciled, but I would NOT have anything to do with my mom, and invited my sisters instead:- well He showed her what would happen the day after, me and my sisters, dressed exactly as we all were, and walking exactly as we did, and... THEN... He showed her this giant black bottle, and a... cross... very big as well, and the positioning of these things was what had me panicking for a while, because they were in the general direction of the house of the prostitutes i used to ... frequently visit, and have skin-on-skin sex with...;- yeah, radical, right?[ so never assume that I actually am not prepared to put my life on the line when it comes to things, ha ha!]...
BUT
it was also in the general direction of the... PRIMARY school I went to.
So, First things First.
Now, I am, as you may have noticed, NOT a fan of your christ, and as it turns out, he was NOT crucified on a cross as you all want to take ity. NO.
The bones in a human hand do not have the... resislience to be able to support even half the human weight of an adult male, be he as small as 1.6 m, when the arms are spreadeagled.
instead, what the romans used to do was erect a single upright pole, and at the or near the apex to be more accurate, they would bring the hands together, and nail a single spike through both wrists, and THEN do the same just at the ankles.
They actualkly did this with the pole and person supine, then they would lever the whole thing into a ready made hole.
the point to all this is one ... chokes/suffocates ... to death.
try breathing when for every breath you have to lever yourself upright, against the screaming pain in your hands, and then breathe out, and lower yourself, exhausted, onto the pain in your legs, and to do that FOR EVERY BREATH! Fuck, you would end up giving up, and just dying, because it is either pain or more pain, for a small breath.
Anyway, the 'cross' that this chick later saw glowing and becomeing a VERY big light so that she fell forward and thought christ was coming, was just God's way of telling HER that I am
Primarily very CROSS and BITTER with women
This being something I picked up from my mother, who I observed from a young age, and could not for the life of me figure out why she called herself Mrs Mashora when she would not let Mr Mashora touch her. They used to have wrestling matches just about every other night, and since my bedroom was closest to them, I heard everything, and hated the ... violence... in their tones to each other.
I mean, make no mistake about it, these two people, when no one else was around, HATED each other, and yet stayed together for appearances' sake.
I never could reconcile the daylight mother and father to the two animals I heard at night.
now, if there were TWO people, why then did I hate my mom and not my day? you may well ask:- and I will tell you:
Women do not recognise boundaries the way men do, because when they are, say, mothers, they assume they own everything, even your right to pee when you want to.
they have no respect for the dignity of a person, and they go about thinking that they have the God-given right to poke their noses everywhere and anywhere and say anything they think they should because they are women and one should take them as weaker/priviledged beings.
As far as I am concerned, anyone who takes that line with me... dies.
I have no respect for anyone who does NOT respect the boundaries I set, none at all.
Though, to be honest, I have no respect for anyone, period, because you all are really piss-ant fuck-ups, and I actually hate every single person I come acroiss, and frankly waqs waiting for the day whenh I get the umlimited and unqualified right to dispense with people's lives as I see fit.
I also hate people who think they can do things to impress me, or who think they can get me to... give way... to them.
like michelle coming along and trying her best to get me to be... interested ... in her, and inviting me to church like wqe ever discussed religion, punching me on the arm the day she interrupted my research to go to this pastor chris' yookos thing and saying "i will not marry you, ou are too clever for me" so that I would get the HINT that she was saying she was available... or her showing up, driving by as I walked along to F/H library and muttering to herself as ahe passed because I was being stubborn, or her driving past again when I was in S/Town and looking down on anything I did, like hug girls, simply because it did not fit the if-you-are-with-God-you-should-behave-yourself mentality that she thought she would instil in me; all this because she was busy looking for someone to take care of her child, and there I was, going to America, and she wanted to get me to be impressed with her pathetic carcass!
But she is not the only one:- The REAL reson that butt-head's mom pissed me a few days ago is that she OBVIOUSLY read my post and ceased on the thing I said, that allison knew how to dress, so she decided, well, me too, maybe you like dresses, and so she showed up as she did.
Allison has a ... SHAPE... and she does not.
She may have a beautiful face and all that, but there is NO comparison between the two.
While allison made no bones about her lack of... indifference... to me, she acted all... motherly. And I hate mothers. Period.
She shows up the first time because she thinks if I see her and her demeannour I would , for her sake, take the swinging damocles sword off from her son.
Well, I will kill him anyway.
She did exactly what michelle did:- trying to impress me and all that stuff, instead of being open and being herself, and leaving the I-am-a-mother stuff behind, because that, to me is an INSULT, and for that, fuck I will wring her scrawny neck and leave no trace that she ever existed, or even stayed anywhere. I will NOT be content with just demolishing her life, I will demolish those lofty posts from which sheand everyone of the bitches and their sycophant, lunatic sons and males used to spy on me, and there will remain nothing but scorched earth where their places used to be.
Fucking bitches!
Friday, 22 March 2013
End of and... ERA
Part 1: Inferno (what else?)
After insistently and repeatedly coming against the very same thing, and wondering just waht I should do about the 'spirit of God', I even went to God himself and wondered aloud just what I ought to do, because I could not imagine a life where I would be doing... battle... with the dirty thing, for EIGHT years!
I mean, He DID say that it was not by might nor by power but by His spirit, right? And that He was going to pour out His spirit out of all flesh, and all that.
So, last night, i laid it out on Him, and said something to the effect that, well, You know that it REALLy did not sit well with me when You,m because I had deigned to listen to a woman's... suggestion... had to step in and 'claim' me by sending a vision / dream to the girl about what would take place, and so, well, YOU said that people would see visions and all that, and that You would pour out Your spirit, but, hell, I would rather die that see You ... help me like that, so, I HAVE to have everything in MY hands, and basically send Your spirit... NOW... and all the angels and demons and even christ, to hell, because they are in a place where they are all NOT supposed to be, and i hate having anyone interfering in my business and blinding people, since it is people I would have unlimited access and control over if i have no more interference from these fools :. what do You say:- can I DO this and have all these , at ONCE thrown into hell? After all, You did say I choose the kind of world I like.
I think one can take it that the... answer was an affirmative. After all, I have to be in complete control, and I have hated having the so called 'holy' spirit running my face into the dirt every chance he got.
So, to hell with him, and all the meddlers in human affairs!
I mean, He DID say that it was not by might nor by power but by His spirit, right? And that He was going to pour out His spirit out of all flesh, and all that.
So, last night, i laid it out on Him, and said something to the effect that, well, You know that it REALLy did not sit well with me when You,m because I had deigned to listen to a woman's... suggestion... had to step in and 'claim' me by sending a vision / dream to the girl about what would take place, and so, well, YOU said that people would see visions and all that, and that You would pour out Your spirit, but, hell, I would rather die that see You ... help me like that, so, I HAVE to have everything in MY hands, and basically send Your spirit... NOW... and all the angels and demons and even christ, to hell, because they are in a place where they are all NOT supposed to be, and i hate having anyone interfering in my business and blinding people, since it is people I would have unlimited access and control over if i have no more interference from these fools :. what do You say:- can I DO this and have all these , at ONCE thrown into hell? After all, You did say I choose the kind of world I like.
I think one can take it that the... answer was an affirmative. After all, I have to be in complete control, and I have hated having the so called 'holy' spirit running my face into the dirt every chance he got.
So, to hell with him, and all the meddlers in human affairs!
Part 2:- The women ( of course)
Now, I am a cynic, in case you may not have noticed, and from where i stand, i have been having doubts about God's disposition towards my... well-being... so to speak, because of the flak i have been having from certain... women.
I mean, you tell a woman you are DEFINITELY going to kill her, and maybe she thinks you are joking or that you are all talk, or something, and then, when you decide, since it is a holiday, that you will go and sit at the beach in Fish hoek a while, and maybe wash your clothes and then walk back up the mountain and stuff, this very same bitch sticks her face into yours, and ruins your day.
I mean, what the fuck?
Maybe she did NOT read my posts, and maybe she thinks I am... compassionate or some such shit, but fuck, I HATE the bitch {i mean YOU michelle}, and NOTHING is going to stop me from physically mangling you, and tearing you to pieces as i promised.
I have been busy devising more... painful ways of extracting the maximum pain from you while keeping your body and soul together. I WILL make you pay. Bank on that!
But, THAT is not the reason why I was seeing God in a different light, although at the end of the day I am still more than a little morose.
Wednesday, I come to the F/H library, and write this preceding post, right, and then, because I do not have the time to finish it, i do not post it, but afterwards i go to this nearby museum, and work in the garden for a coupla hours, and then go to the internet cafe, via Pick 'n' Pay. As i pass the through the parking lot and head for the entrance to the mall, who but butt-head's mom should exit her vehicle some 5m ahead of me, and walk quickly into the same mall? None other than her, thats who!
And she was dressed in a dress, and now, maybe i was being acerbic [meaning i was being myself] but i took one look at her and the scales fell from my eyes.
the woman looked... pathetic.
she has as much sex appeal as a short gate post, diameter 50mm, and I was asking myself if THIS is the kind of person i am writing and mooning about?
Anyway, I am slow on the uptake;- i went to the internet cafe, wrote the last bit about the OSC, and then came out, and walked to some of the guys who are at the corner of the -once- pharmacy [soon to be Clicks] who sell some of the beaded works and we started talking. Guy decided to walk me halfway, and that is when i went gaga.
Literally.
I am not the type of guy to be impressed by anything, but i must confess, I was very impressed.
because, cool as a cucumber, allison walks down, towards us, and damn, she looked so sexy!
Those legs of hers, which i had always seen encased in those stockings, were bare underneath her one pice sleeveless dress, and I would have gone literally "WOW!" if i did not have company and if i was not sure that I have no idea whether that was for MY sake she was walking or she was just walking {I mean, i did see her the other time in Pick 'n' Pay, about a month or two back, and she took narry the slightest notice of me} but if she HAD walked up to me, then my clwas would probably have literally come out. She did not.
went into this shop calle 'cna' or some such stuff, then came out and went Pick 'n' Pay-wards, and when the guy i was with showed me the public toilets, I did not go checking, because for the first time in my very un-impressed life, I was actually impressed by a... PERSON.
Aside from the fact that she is one the other side, and is probably involved with someone else at the moment [which means I am going to kill her if I do discover that and she does andy more of her walking around or near me] - I mean the guy I complained about as being her constant companion ; and aside from the fact that she probably is a mother and would be loath to leave her kids for me, and aside from the fact that to her i am probably some kind of whacko... if she thinks about me at all... and aside from the fact that she probably, if she DID think about me, was walking around trying to get me to rescind what literally amounted to a death sentence i had posted the day before on her; and aside from the very salient fact that even if she is interested she has to show her true colurs HERSELF somehow, BEFORE i take over literally and just shaft her off, much as i am attracted to her;, well aside form those facts that make me very... depressed, I reached this conclusion:-
there is noone else i would rather have in my life - especially from the osc- because as far as the cahrts are concerned, on a scal of one to ten, she is a perfect sixteen.
I have never been so smitten by anyone in my whole life, and even now, i am having to struggle to keep the... hope... away from me that this woman REALLY could be aware of me.
because I sincerely hope she is. Hence my depression. she probably thinks awful things about me.
Or even if she does not, she probably does not satisfy MY pre-requisites.
I mean, fuck, why would God ALLOW such a thing, a woman who is so very drop dead gorgeous like her, to come into my life, to ... tease... me?
I am wondering alot here, about my Father's benevolence.
I mean, you tell a woman you are DEFINITELY going to kill her, and maybe she thinks you are joking or that you are all talk, or something, and then, when you decide, since it is a holiday, that you will go and sit at the beach in Fish hoek a while, and maybe wash your clothes and then walk back up the mountain and stuff, this very same bitch sticks her face into yours, and ruins your day.
I mean, what the fuck?
Maybe she did NOT read my posts, and maybe she thinks I am... compassionate or some such shit, but fuck, I HATE the bitch {i mean YOU michelle}, and NOTHING is going to stop me from physically mangling you, and tearing you to pieces as i promised.
I have been busy devising more... painful ways of extracting the maximum pain from you while keeping your body and soul together. I WILL make you pay. Bank on that!
But, THAT is not the reason why I was seeing God in a different light, although at the end of the day I am still more than a little morose.
Wednesday, I come to the F/H library, and write this preceding post, right, and then, because I do not have the time to finish it, i do not post it, but afterwards i go to this nearby museum, and work in the garden for a coupla hours, and then go to the internet cafe, via Pick 'n' Pay. As i pass the through the parking lot and head for the entrance to the mall, who but butt-head's mom should exit her vehicle some 5m ahead of me, and walk quickly into the same mall? None other than her, thats who!
And she was dressed in a dress, and now, maybe i was being acerbic [meaning i was being myself] but i took one look at her and the scales fell from my eyes.
the woman looked... pathetic.
she has as much sex appeal as a short gate post, diameter 50mm, and I was asking myself if THIS is the kind of person i am writing and mooning about?
Anyway, I am slow on the uptake;- i went to the internet cafe, wrote the last bit about the OSC, and then came out, and walked to some of the guys who are at the corner of the -once- pharmacy [soon to be Clicks] who sell some of the beaded works and we started talking. Guy decided to walk me halfway, and that is when i went gaga.
Literally.
I am not the type of guy to be impressed by anything, but i must confess, I was very impressed.
because, cool as a cucumber, allison walks down, towards us, and damn, she looked so sexy!
Those legs of hers, which i had always seen encased in those stockings, were bare underneath her one pice sleeveless dress, and I would have gone literally "WOW!" if i did not have company and if i was not sure that I have no idea whether that was for MY sake she was walking or she was just walking {I mean, i did see her the other time in Pick 'n' Pay, about a month or two back, and she took narry the slightest notice of me} but if she HAD walked up to me, then my clwas would probably have literally come out. She did not.
went into this shop calle 'cna' or some such stuff, then came out and went Pick 'n' Pay-wards, and when the guy i was with showed me the public toilets, I did not go checking, because for the first time in my very un-impressed life, I was actually impressed by a... PERSON.
Aside from the fact that she is one the other side, and is probably involved with someone else at the moment [which means I am going to kill her if I do discover that and she does andy more of her walking around or near me] - I mean the guy I complained about as being her constant companion ; and aside from the fact that she probably is a mother and would be loath to leave her kids for me, and aside from the fact that to her i am probably some kind of whacko... if she thinks about me at all... and aside from the fact that she probably, if she DID think about me, was walking around trying to get me to rescind what literally amounted to a death sentence i had posted the day before on her; and aside from the very salient fact that even if she is interested she has to show her true colurs HERSELF somehow, BEFORE i take over literally and just shaft her off, much as i am attracted to her;, well aside form those facts that make me very... depressed, I reached this conclusion:-
there is noone else i would rather have in my life - especially from the osc- because as far as the cahrts are concerned, on a scal of one to ten, she is a perfect sixteen.
I have never been so smitten by anyone in my whole life, and even now, i am having to struggle to keep the... hope... away from me that this woman REALLY could be aware of me.
because I sincerely hope she is. Hence my depression. she probably thinks awful things about me.
Or even if she does not, she probably does not satisfy MY pre-requisites.
I mean, fuck, why would God ALLOW such a thing, a woman who is so very drop dead gorgeous like her, to come into my life, to ... tease... me?
I am wondering alot here, about my Father's benevolence.
*****
Anyway, just so you know.
I am going to add zuma to the list of people to die; yes the RSA president, because
1) he let my fellow people die and nothing was done to the perpetrators...
2) It would not do to leave him alive because he would assume i tolerate his womanising and sould thus assume that we are... alike.
So I will fry the bastard, and his whole family or families.
Also, i have decided to add the following to my personal hit-list.
Chucky boy and his girlfriend with the dog:- they irritated me.
butt-head's mom, for her interuptions
The guys who drove by in her car the other day:- I mean, 3 is too little for me to kill. I need more.
Anyway, just so you know.
I am going to add zuma to the list of people to die; yes the RSA president, because
1) he let my fellow people die and nothing was done to the perpetrators...
2) It would not do to leave him alive because he would assume i tolerate his womanising and sould thus assume that we are... alike.
So I will fry the bastard, and his whole family or families.
Also, i have decided to add the following to my personal hit-list.
Chucky boy and his girlfriend with the dog:- they irritated me.
butt-head's mom, for her interuptions
The guys who drove by in her car the other day:- I mean, 3 is too little for me to kill. I need more.
Wednesday, 20 March 2013
End of a Chapter.
I went shopping yesterday, and ended up looking for that cheap bread that Shoprite sells, the plain bread that is either brown or white and goes for just over R5 an uncut loaf.
As I walked through the gate to the place though, in F/Hoek, I ran into none other than the I-know-it-all girl from the library that I mentally blasted the day I have written so much about, the one I... had... numbered among the ten.
Note past tense.
Either my 'voice' was in the backyard, or napping, or something, because I felt absolutely NOTHING before the event, none of that "Highlander" feeling that another immortal and/or enemy is nearby.
As for her, she was pushing the trolley, with her son in it, and she looked down and started fidgeting with something in it, but I just passed by, and my immediate worry was "OK who the fuck is responsible?" since I really do NOT like surprises.
Later, though, I was mulling over everything, and I realised that, nice ass notwithstanding, I would kill this chick if she ever came near me.
The reason is the one that makes me what I am, the... source... as God told me to... tell you, and it had never occurred to me that the whole reason why I am the way I am can be tied totally to... THAT.
So, I will explain, and then afterwards roll up my sleeves and, like Death, take out my scythe, because
As I walked through the gate to the place though, in F/Hoek, I ran into none other than the I-know-it-all girl from the library that I mentally blasted the day I have written so much about, the one I... had... numbered among the ten.
Note past tense.
Either my 'voice' was in the backyard, or napping, or something, because I felt absolutely NOTHING before the event, none of that "Highlander" feeling that another immortal and/or enemy is nearby.
As for her, she was pushing the trolley, with her son in it, and she looked down and started fidgeting with something in it, but I just passed by, and my immediate worry was "OK who the fuck is responsible?" since I really do NOT like surprises.
Later, though, I was mulling over everything, and I realised that, nice ass notwithstanding, I would kill this chick if she ever came near me.
The reason is the one that makes me what I am, the... source... as God told me to... tell you, and it had never occurred to me that the whole reason why I am the way I am can be tied totally to... THAT.
So, I will explain, and then afterwards roll up my sleeves and, like Death, take out my scythe, because
My time is NOW
My father, in one of his- or rather, SEVERAL of them - bitter moments told me NEVER to get involved with a woman who has kids, because 'your mother lied to me when I met her, saying she had only one child, and yet, when her late husband's monies would come in, she would always buy TWO pairs of clothes, of different sizes, and send them to her former in-laws, and so, I put a stop to it, and said she would NOT have anything to do with those monies"
The result, my mother, because she wanted the respectability of being married, complied [though I now wonder HOW, because she is probably the stoniest hearted women I have ever met and say what you like, she does as she pleases, even now] and took it out, later, on my elder sister, myself and the one who came after me.
We lived in hell because two people prefered to lie to each other and my mother saw us as not 'her' kids but 'his', and probably went, "his kids are getting all the food they want while I can not do anything for MY kids! I will make them suffer!"
So she did.
Worse on me, because the 'kids' became 'sons', and so I was his son, and the focal point of her rage, and that is why, basically, she tried to kill me, and tried her best to see I never became much of anything, or was acknowledged as much of anything.
Now, God had stepped in from birth, with my... keeper... because He, like me, looks at things from a completely different perspective, like the future is the past to Him... which may explain why I tend to want to do things first, then explain them later.
Anyway, thing is, I ndiscovered, but till now could not articulate, that society is full of shit!
People assume women are harmless, and that a woman should not say what she wants, and so, they lie to them, get them under pressure to accept things that any normal person can see they do NOT want to do, and then, both the male and the female afterwards suffer at leisure, because a lie can take you only so far.
I scorn that.
MY policy has been that a woman makes her mind CLEAR about what she wants, and, since I am the man who gets the erection, while her clittoris is hidden, I must KNOW that she unequivocally has made up her mind that she will be mine, and THEN I will take her.
I will not, not now that I want to live a clean life, take a woman who has not made it clear to me that there is nothing and no one that comes anywhere close, because I do not want to have my life ... complicated.
I will also take it amiss if a woman decides to tell me she has nowhere to put her kid, and so i muct take care of it. i tell you the simple truth;- such a woman dies, at my hand, horribly, because that is an INSULT. "Having sex witrh some guy and then coming to me and telling me I have to be responsible? Fine, i will be responsible, like I will be for michelle:- I will dash that kid's head against a wall in front of the mother, and then strangle the mother as well. That I how I will take care of... business.
Anyway, these women 'saw' that they would be extremely foolish to ... mix... me and their affairs.
THEY are the three I harp on about so much. Now I am certain, at least, so take it as is:-
1) the girl I called, with specifics, the day after I finally decided I wanted to see this nicky? myself, and when I saw her, and she leaned towards me, I rejected her on sight, the short-term-memory bitch!
Anyway, day after, the woman came, and she made it clear, before I even focused on her, that she was removing herself from the man who accompanied her, and then removing herself from the kids she was with, and only THEN did she turn, and 'stop me in my tracks'. michelle, the bitch, could learn something there.
2) the girl, on the day that I blasted miss i-know-it-all, spoke on the phone to her mom, and while i waited to see what she would do after the call, because she obviously had seen what had happened in my face when I heard the other chick's irritating voice, decided to walk away. She had come for the library, but I was wondering whether she would sit back and smile in a self satisfied manner and then walk into the library like someone who had put out a fire and expected to be hailed as a heroine, but she turned and walked away... on padded feet... depite the shoes. Girl had a nice ass.
3) the woman with the incredible waistline who, honestly, I would have passed by without even looking twice at, or evn once, because I seemed to have ebeen preoccupied with something, and so she did the lifting the top off thing , revealing her icredible waistline ( and waht an ass!) and then when I went, wait a minute, did the woman publicly DISRESPECT me? In front of this guy and boy? and came to see, she walked away, separating herself from them, making me know that she was into ... me.
OK, i NOW take it.
then there are these women who seemed to see something amazing, scary and desirable at the same time, who did NOT irritate me by making me run after them:-
1) the Glencairn heigts girl. nuff said.
2) The Golden-head woman, same day, at Fish Hoek library. ditto
3) the model-like white haired chick the day after, one with the cleft chin i waited for? Nuff said as well.
4) the girl with the book "Shopaholic girl" at S/Town beach.
5) the nervously smiling chick on the day of the blond with her companions and the dog and the ugly Xhosa chick?
6) the woman with the sea blue eyes and the sweetest smile at F/Hoek library?
7) the girl who was chewing her nails outside the restaurant at Fish Hoek beach:- As I turned the corner to head into Fish Hoek proper, i turned my head, saw her, and she was staring at me, anxiously, and was as grey as if she was a chicken that had been taken from the deep freezer. I looked again ad she was still staring, like she would any time go "like that was awesome! dude".
yeah, well, that was another God Assist there, because He had told me that the last one would be a blonde, and that was the morning of the day I saw "shopaholic Girl", and I wondered about it.
Now, as for the five, they are unchanged ... but they are there because they have this "come and get me" approach to things, when in effect THEY should come out and make the commitment.
The Maverick hunts down NO ONE.
As for the... OSC... one of whom, butt-head's mom, just walked in front of me as i walked into Pick 'n' Pay -maybe she did NOT see me... well, my thing is this:- I am about to learn the requisite footwork before I perfect my fighting skills, and THEN, I will start my blood, guts and gore thing.
I have no interest in slaughtering the whole lot of them, because it would require a lot of digging into people's lives and minds and I am unable to sustain much of THAT.
So, here is my thing, let those who... sought me out..., and I mean people like the Latino/Portuguese woman, and the rest of them, have their answers ready, because when I DO come out, I am coming to face those who crossed my path, and ask WHY.
And of course, if I am flying, then it means I am going to require their lives at the end, but if it is before I seek them out, then they may get to live... if I am satisfied.
Oh yeah, and that small one, the one I thought was the red-head, and the other three.
I am NOT inclined to murder these, at least without any reason.
And I will be looking for reasons, trust me.
I think this will be the last post on Destiny, because we are going ... practical... from now on!
yes!
The result, my mother, because she wanted the respectability of being married, complied [though I now wonder HOW, because she is probably the stoniest hearted women I have ever met and say what you like, she does as she pleases, even now] and took it out, later, on my elder sister, myself and the one who came after me.
We lived in hell because two people prefered to lie to each other and my mother saw us as not 'her' kids but 'his', and probably went, "his kids are getting all the food they want while I can not do anything for MY kids! I will make them suffer!"
So she did.
Worse on me, because the 'kids' became 'sons', and so I was his son, and the focal point of her rage, and that is why, basically, she tried to kill me, and tried her best to see I never became much of anything, or was acknowledged as much of anything.
Now, God had stepped in from birth, with my... keeper... because He, like me, looks at things from a completely different perspective, like the future is the past to Him... which may explain why I tend to want to do things first, then explain them later.
Anyway, thing is, I ndiscovered, but till now could not articulate, that society is full of shit!
People assume women are harmless, and that a woman should not say what she wants, and so, they lie to them, get them under pressure to accept things that any normal person can see they do NOT want to do, and then, both the male and the female afterwards suffer at leisure, because a lie can take you only so far.
I scorn that.
MY policy has been that a woman makes her mind CLEAR about what she wants, and, since I am the man who gets the erection, while her clittoris is hidden, I must KNOW that she unequivocally has made up her mind that she will be mine, and THEN I will take her.
I will not, not now that I want to live a clean life, take a woman who has not made it clear to me that there is nothing and no one that comes anywhere close, because I do not want to have my life ... complicated.
I will also take it amiss if a woman decides to tell me she has nowhere to put her kid, and so i muct take care of it. i tell you the simple truth;- such a woman dies, at my hand, horribly, because that is an INSULT. "Having sex witrh some guy and then coming to me and telling me I have to be responsible? Fine, i will be responsible, like I will be for michelle:- I will dash that kid's head against a wall in front of the mother, and then strangle the mother as well. That I how I will take care of... business.
Anyway, these women 'saw' that they would be extremely foolish to ... mix... me and their affairs.
THEY are the three I harp on about so much. Now I am certain, at least, so take it as is:-
1) the girl I called, with specifics, the day after I finally decided I wanted to see this nicky? myself, and when I saw her, and she leaned towards me, I rejected her on sight, the short-term-memory bitch!
Anyway, day after, the woman came, and she made it clear, before I even focused on her, that she was removing herself from the man who accompanied her, and then removing herself from the kids she was with, and only THEN did she turn, and 'stop me in my tracks'. michelle, the bitch, could learn something there.
2) the girl, on the day that I blasted miss i-know-it-all, spoke on the phone to her mom, and while i waited to see what she would do after the call, because she obviously had seen what had happened in my face when I heard the other chick's irritating voice, decided to walk away. She had come for the library, but I was wondering whether she would sit back and smile in a self satisfied manner and then walk into the library like someone who had put out a fire and expected to be hailed as a heroine, but she turned and walked away... on padded feet... depite the shoes. Girl had a nice ass.
3) the woman with the incredible waistline who, honestly, I would have passed by without even looking twice at, or evn once, because I seemed to have ebeen preoccupied with something, and so she did the lifting the top off thing , revealing her icredible waistline ( and waht an ass!) and then when I went, wait a minute, did the woman publicly DISRESPECT me? In front of this guy and boy? and came to see, she walked away, separating herself from them, making me know that she was into ... me.
OK, i NOW take it.
then there are these women who seemed to see something amazing, scary and desirable at the same time, who did NOT irritate me by making me run after them:-
1) the Glencairn heigts girl. nuff said.
2) The Golden-head woman, same day, at Fish Hoek library. ditto
3) the model-like white haired chick the day after, one with the cleft chin i waited for? Nuff said as well.
4) the girl with the book "Shopaholic girl" at S/Town beach.
5) the nervously smiling chick on the day of the blond with her companions and the dog and the ugly Xhosa chick?
6) the woman with the sea blue eyes and the sweetest smile at F/Hoek library?
7) the girl who was chewing her nails outside the restaurant at Fish Hoek beach:- As I turned the corner to head into Fish Hoek proper, i turned my head, saw her, and she was staring at me, anxiously, and was as grey as if she was a chicken that had been taken from the deep freezer. I looked again ad she was still staring, like she would any time go "like that was awesome! dude".
yeah, well, that was another God Assist there, because He had told me that the last one would be a blonde, and that was the morning of the day I saw "shopaholic Girl", and I wondered about it.
Now, as for the five, they are unchanged ... but they are there because they have this "come and get me" approach to things, when in effect THEY should come out and make the commitment.
The Maverick hunts down NO ONE.
As for the... OSC... one of whom, butt-head's mom, just walked in front of me as i walked into Pick 'n' Pay -maybe she did NOT see me... well, my thing is this:- I am about to learn the requisite footwork before I perfect my fighting skills, and THEN, I will start my blood, guts and gore thing.
I have no interest in slaughtering the whole lot of them, because it would require a lot of digging into people's lives and minds and I am unable to sustain much of THAT.
So, here is my thing, let those who... sought me out..., and I mean people like the Latino/Portuguese woman, and the rest of them, have their answers ready, because when I DO come out, I am coming to face those who crossed my path, and ask WHY.
And of course, if I am flying, then it means I am going to require their lives at the end, but if it is before I seek them out, then they may get to live... if I am satisfied.
Oh yeah, and that small one, the one I thought was the red-head, and the other three.
I am NOT inclined to murder these, at least without any reason.
And I will be looking for reasons, trust me.
I think this will be the last post on Destiny, because we are going ... practical... from now on!
yes!
there is a part where TOK sings, and only now do I realise they were going 'pussy', not possie
"All this time that we are survivor
And we blessed coz our God He are provider
and when pussy with us them are go fight,
we nuh give up we are survivor we survivor.
"All this time that we are survivor
And we blessed coz our God He are provider
and when pussy with us them are go fight,
we nuh give up we are survivor we survivor.
Tuesday, 19 March 2013
This is a Franchise... !
I had not even finished my lazy and gradual walk up to my mountain fastness when I figured out who the fifth is,... !
but, before I go... THERE... I have a POINT to make.
A BIG point, since the probable reason why I am NOT having anything taken that seriously is that people tend to assume that there is someone OVER me that would pull the plug and cause me to cease and desist from my activities.
Now, it makes a lot of sense that someone, anyone, any of you, would assume that God will have the final say in anything i do.God is merely an Adviser, as far as events and everything is concerned.
Remember that He said in the last days HE would pour out His spirit out of all flesh? He ALSO said "before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I had consecrated you a prophet to the nations" to jeremiah, right?
but we ALL know that the conception of a person is basically the fusion of a male sperm and female egg,... right?
MY POINT is that when God says He will do something, it does not necessarily mean Him PERSONALLY, and in the case of Anything to do with me, it DEFINITELY means HE WILL NOT HAVE ANYTHING PHYSICALLY to do with it.
As I said yesterday, I have so much pride and so much... tenacity that what I sow, I resp, and will share the rewards with no one.
This, people, is a franchise, and what I do, it will be I myself who does it, not anyone else, not even God will have the right or the ability to... judge or interfere.
When I need something from Him, I go to Him, and when I have it, I use it, as I see fit, because I would have worked out that for me to go from step A to step B I need such a thing, and since I have it not, I go to the source.
But it is totally hands off as far as His intervention is concerned.
I learned that lesson the hard way when I wanted to take that girl I spoke about to get my mother to make a fool of herself so that I could have probable cause to be REALLY mad at her, and things went to such a bad state between me and my mother that the girl decided I should try to reconcile things with my mother, and she urged me strongly to do that.
I did not. Instead I sidestepped my parents totaly and went and spoke to my sisters instead, and invited them to come see my place, and even then, I did it grudgingly.
God sidestepped me and went directly to the girl, and He sent her that vision of the cross and glowing light and stuff, and I remember the ... anger... I felt when I thought He was stepping on my turf.
I decided to take the girl, right?, but the way I did get her to agree to be with me was by saying it was God's plan, since she had had a dose of him already.
I have regretted having to lie like that.
Especially when the girl was one I did not want anyway, to begin with.
So, I made up my mind that ANYONE who overlooks me and supposes that God will be the... answer ... will have to pay.
Because what exists between me and God is... personal... and what I say does not pre-suppose that the very same God will take someone else's side and say, OK, to be fair, I have to consider things from this other person's point of view.
NO, because just as this very same God said to me, when I wanted to conform to what I thought was the prescribed norm, "I have claimed you for Myself", so it cuts both ways:- He can not, and I can not allow Him to, have any other 'sides' but MY side.
So when it comes down to practical down-to-earth stuff, as far as concerns ANYTHING to do with EVERYTHING on this planet, the Alpha and Omega is me, and NO ONE else.
Make the mistake of God stepping in for your rescue at your peril, because THAT is something that will NEVER happen.
Now, the last one, the fifth one, is none other than the chick who I got on the train at Sunny Cove the other day and saw sitting there and came and sat across from her - for the simple reason that I like eye-candy - and then started wondering why she would go to such extremes to get a tan.
Till, at the beach when she did the leg-opening thing and I saw that she was, in fact, NOT even getting... hot between her legs while her panties were so crispy like when the stuff has a hot iron pressing on it... well, THEN I got the point, and also realised that the girl was offering me the ONE thing that I have always said I want from a woman:- her legs {uh, metaphorically, of course, because I have mine already, see?}
Anyway, now that I have decided, and I have taken into consideration what God said over the weekend [because He knows me not only now but later, and before] that "In this life, there is no room for everybody" and so, knowing that I would not SHARE life with the likes of michelle, butt-head, nicky? or faggot-face [who I saw yesterday when I uncharacteristically came down the mountain early and there he was, in his yellow car, and he waved his pudy fingers at me]I have decided that these WILL die, and I would do the deeds myself. PERSONALLY.
because no one will laugh at me and get away with it.
As for the rest of the OSC, well, I think they think that their christ, or God, will rescue them, and so, if that is the case, and since I hate talking to brick walls, I WILL exterminate them ALL.
Pity, because even though butt-head is her son, I kinda wanted to hold on to the mother, since she never quite went against me, but did everything quite respectfully, even.
And as for Allison;- I mean, fuck, with a combo of an ass and legs like that, I REALLY would have liked to get to know her. Biblically. Girl knows how to dress, everything else notwithstanding.And that other one with her sexy ass is not bad.
But I suppose that to them, appearances and 'final says' do matter, so, I will have no option but to blanket them all under the title...
Enemies:- Terminate With Extreme Prejudice,
and have done with it.
Because I can not bear to be laughed at.
Or have them conclude, "If God is not for us then He is against us" as if God is what matters here, not me.
I am going to have to devise the ways and means, and whether I need more of the eye-candy!
but, before I go... THERE... I have a POINT to make.
A BIG point, since the probable reason why I am NOT having anything taken that seriously is that people tend to assume that there is someone OVER me that would pull the plug and cause me to cease and desist from my activities.
Now, it makes a lot of sense that someone, anyone, any of you, would assume that God will have the final say in anything i do.God is merely an Adviser, as far as events and everything is concerned.
Remember that He said in the last days HE would pour out His spirit out of all flesh? He ALSO said "before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I had consecrated you a prophet to the nations" to jeremiah, right?
but we ALL know that the conception of a person is basically the fusion of a male sperm and female egg,... right?
MY POINT is that when God says He will do something, it does not necessarily mean Him PERSONALLY, and in the case of Anything to do with me, it DEFINITELY means HE WILL NOT HAVE ANYTHING PHYSICALLY to do with it.
As I said yesterday, I have so much pride and so much... tenacity that what I sow, I resp, and will share the rewards with no one.
This, people, is a franchise, and what I do, it will be I myself who does it, not anyone else, not even God will have the right or the ability to... judge or interfere.
When I need something from Him, I go to Him, and when I have it, I use it, as I see fit, because I would have worked out that for me to go from step A to step B I need such a thing, and since I have it not, I go to the source.
But it is totally hands off as far as His intervention is concerned.
I learned that lesson the hard way when I wanted to take that girl I spoke about to get my mother to make a fool of herself so that I could have probable cause to be REALLY mad at her, and things went to such a bad state between me and my mother that the girl decided I should try to reconcile things with my mother, and she urged me strongly to do that.
I did not. Instead I sidestepped my parents totaly and went and spoke to my sisters instead, and invited them to come see my place, and even then, I did it grudgingly.
God sidestepped me and went directly to the girl, and He sent her that vision of the cross and glowing light and stuff, and I remember the ... anger... I felt when I thought He was stepping on my turf.
I decided to take the girl, right?, but the way I did get her to agree to be with me was by saying it was God's plan, since she had had a dose of him already.
I have regretted having to lie like that.
Especially when the girl was one I did not want anyway, to begin with.
So, I made up my mind that ANYONE who overlooks me and supposes that God will be the... answer ... will have to pay.
Because what exists between me and God is... personal... and what I say does not pre-suppose that the very same God will take someone else's side and say, OK, to be fair, I have to consider things from this other person's point of view.
NO, because just as this very same God said to me, when I wanted to conform to what I thought was the prescribed norm, "I have claimed you for Myself", so it cuts both ways:- He can not, and I can not allow Him to, have any other 'sides' but MY side.
So when it comes down to practical down-to-earth stuff, as far as concerns ANYTHING to do with EVERYTHING on this planet, the Alpha and Omega is me, and NO ONE else.
Make the mistake of God stepping in for your rescue at your peril, because THAT is something that will NEVER happen.
Now, the last one, the fifth one, is none other than the chick who I got on the train at Sunny Cove the other day and saw sitting there and came and sat across from her - for the simple reason that I like eye-candy - and then started wondering why she would go to such extremes to get a tan.
Till, at the beach when she did the leg-opening thing and I saw that she was, in fact, NOT even getting... hot between her legs while her panties were so crispy like when the stuff has a hot iron pressing on it... well, THEN I got the point, and also realised that the girl was offering me the ONE thing that I have always said I want from a woman:- her legs {uh, metaphorically, of course, because I have mine already, see?}
Anyway, now that I have decided, and I have taken into consideration what God said over the weekend [because He knows me not only now but later, and before] that "In this life, there is no room for everybody" and so, knowing that I would not SHARE life with the likes of michelle, butt-head, nicky? or faggot-face [who I saw yesterday when I uncharacteristically came down the mountain early and there he was, in his yellow car, and he waved his pudy fingers at me]I have decided that these WILL die, and I would do the deeds myself. PERSONALLY.
because no one will laugh at me and get away with it.
As for the rest of the OSC, well, I think they think that their christ, or God, will rescue them, and so, if that is the case, and since I hate talking to brick walls, I WILL exterminate them ALL.
Pity, because even though butt-head is her son, I kinda wanted to hold on to the mother, since she never quite went against me, but did everything quite respectfully, even.
And as for Allison;- I mean, fuck, with a combo of an ass and legs like that, I REALLY would have liked to get to know her. Biblically. Girl knows how to dress, everything else notwithstanding.And that other one with her sexy ass is not bad.
But I suppose that to them, appearances and 'final says' do matter, so, I will have no option but to blanket them all under the title...
Enemies:- Terminate With Extreme Prejudice,
and have done with it.
Because I can not bear to be laughed at.
Or have them conclude, "If God is not for us then He is against us" as if God is what matters here, not me.
I am going to have to devise the ways and means, and whether I need more of the eye-candy!
Monday, 18 March 2013
Another post that should be in ... Origins
I have been wondering at God, trying to figure out just why, if He is 'able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or imagine'; He is NOT doing a single thing to ... help me.
Till, at the end of it all, I realised the single REASON why He is unable to... act... as far as I am concerned, and that reason, I must --hesitantly-- say I am proud to announce; is ME.
I look at God this way:- he does not NEED anything from me, but said I must be myself, meaning there is no... vested interest from His side to ensure I do what he would like done; it is enough for Him to have me study things for myself and just take everything into my own hands and do as I see fit.
Because if HE was the one running things, I would be wondering, as I used to, and have frequently done even in my posts, just how He could say he cares for me when my life is this much of a dump at the moment.
but then, as i said, it is about ME, and what I can not tolerate.
I can not stand someone waltzing into my life and trying to organise it, telling me how i ought to live in order to be acceptable. If the only thing i can be said to have is my pride, then there is too much of THAT in me to alloe ANYONE the freedom to tell me what to do. Or do me favours. Or regard me as a needy charity case.
I remember once, when I met michelle in Fish Hoek, the day after she had taken me out, and she was sitting outside Pick 'n' Pay entrance enjoying a pie, that she immediately offered me the rest of it, as if she was saying, "you are needy, here, take this, because your life, anyone can see; sucks". I declined, because to me her attitude was insulting.
I never asked her for help, because frankly I did not need it, and her intimating that I NEEDED something from her, when I had CHOSEN, after looking at all the alternatives, to take this particular way of life, was really, to me degrading me, and putting me down as someone having no personal dignity.
Which reminds me:- I was yesterday whole day in an argument with God, about letting some people off, and His adamant response left me in no doubt that while to me things may be bad but not really serious, to Him everything is NO laughing matter.
I said I was not interested in wiping off the whole clan or clans of the OSC, and He responded by pointing out that "In this life, there is no room for everybody", and I knew that my... faint hopes that I could ... happen ... to take some female from the OSC and thus not have to kill everyone there were suddenly about to become not just fainter but totally obliterated.I am going to have to find out how to fly, and I am goint to have to exterminate everyone from that side.
EVERY SINGLE ONE. (I Think:- I am not sure here)
Maybe the reason can be found in examining these salient facts, facts that would make someone maybe see WHY I can not let these people live nor allow anyone of them to have anything to do with me:-
1) these people started off as my enemies, as people I have had no intention to have anywhere near me, and they later on showed up all over, showing off their ... supposed... superiority over me, all of which exercises did not go as they thought, because I am not only still here, but I am growing, and I am NOT letting go the anger that seeks a way out in me.
2) having anyone that has had something to do with any facet of my unhappiness; with whom I have either exchanged words about getting out of my way, is really NOT to the good of that person, because if I have to SAY/write something, then THAT person has no place in... my world.
jesus, your 'christ', said "my sheep hear my voice, and they follow me", and it is the same with me, only my 'voice' is a... eh... substantial being, and he is the one tasked with sorting out the chaff from the wheat, and leaving the wheat for me to see.
I guess I HAVE to say this, in case the OSC is paying attention and thinking me desperate:- THIS morning I was in S/Town, because I needed to confirm something to myself, among other things;
Remember I had said there were two women missing, and that if I got to fifteen then i would be ready to move and stuff?
Well, I was not looking, and was trying to find out just who the two are, and I had dismissed the girl from the court-thing because she had obviously NOT shown up to court dressed like that, but rather had been arrested in the clothes she was wearing, and been released early that day in court, hence the lawyer and the departure and her shame.Now I hate people who get embroiled in these civil cases, just as i hate male-ish women.
So, I would not have anything much to do with her.
What I wanted to confirm was this:- after realising that God did indeed GIVE what I now call "God Assists" to me in the case of the ten women, and that the 'three' were women who were distinct in that, without Him actually pointing them out to me, He hinted, once in a vision {the girl with the smile in that vision about a girl 'climbing up' over the sea} once with a word of expecting the unexpected {woman with the sweet smile} and once when I myself, at a prompt from Him to let my anger out, called someone after I had seen nicky? and been very unhappy with what I saw {woman with her complex behaviour at the beach on that Saturday}... anyway, after I realised that He does meddle but in an indirect way, I was thinking of the day He had told me that I ought to stay 'by the seaside' when I wanted to go to Capricorn and see people and thus hopefully have a change of diet.
I stayed, and when I was coming out of the hut, and walking to the toilet block, this girl, about 100m away [that was what I was checking] suddenly stood up, walked from the sea-side of the low wall, and hurried over to the VW minibus with tow kids in tow.
girl had been partially facing my way, and I had seen boobs in a low cut brassiere, and been impressed, and been walking closer to view them, when she , as soon as I saw them, from that distance, got up and went to the car and ... disappointingly... covered her breasts with a clinging black T-shirt.
In was not happy, because there were other people there, and she was not the slightest bit unfazed about THEM, and the moment I show up, she covers herself, and so, as I glumly passed the car, I was struck by how she was bobbing up and down and trying to look at her behind in the mirror of a red car nearby, maybe another VW [Golf] and then she turned to me as if to ask if she was OK now.
Like it mattered.
I pointedly looked at her legs and when I passed by again, she was in a pair of faded but tight jeans, and they left none of her pleasing legs to the imgination.
Well, I guess she is the fourth.
I would be lying if I said I have settled on the fifth as yet.
Because I am not certain about a lot of things.
Till, at the end of it all, I realised the single REASON why He is unable to... act... as far as I am concerned, and that reason, I must --hesitantly-- say I am proud to announce; is ME.
I look at God this way:- he does not NEED anything from me, but said I must be myself, meaning there is no... vested interest from His side to ensure I do what he would like done; it is enough for Him to have me study things for myself and just take everything into my own hands and do as I see fit.
Because if HE was the one running things, I would be wondering, as I used to, and have frequently done even in my posts, just how He could say he cares for me when my life is this much of a dump at the moment.
but then, as i said, it is about ME, and what I can not tolerate.
I can not stand someone waltzing into my life and trying to organise it, telling me how i ought to live in order to be acceptable. If the only thing i can be said to have is my pride, then there is too much of THAT in me to alloe ANYONE the freedom to tell me what to do. Or do me favours. Or regard me as a needy charity case.
I remember once, when I met michelle in Fish Hoek, the day after she had taken me out, and she was sitting outside Pick 'n' Pay entrance enjoying a pie, that she immediately offered me the rest of it, as if she was saying, "you are needy, here, take this, because your life, anyone can see; sucks". I declined, because to me her attitude was insulting.
I never asked her for help, because frankly I did not need it, and her intimating that I NEEDED something from her, when I had CHOSEN, after looking at all the alternatives, to take this particular way of life, was really, to me degrading me, and putting me down as someone having no personal dignity.
Which reminds me:- I was yesterday whole day in an argument with God, about letting some people off, and His adamant response left me in no doubt that while to me things may be bad but not really serious, to Him everything is NO laughing matter.
I said I was not interested in wiping off the whole clan or clans of the OSC, and He responded by pointing out that "In this life, there is no room for everybody", and I knew that my... faint hopes that I could ... happen ... to take some female from the OSC and thus not have to kill everyone there were suddenly about to become not just fainter but totally obliterated.I am going to have to find out how to fly, and I am goint to have to exterminate everyone from that side.
EVERY SINGLE ONE. (I Think:- I am not sure here)
Maybe the reason can be found in examining these salient facts, facts that would make someone maybe see WHY I can not let these people live nor allow anyone of them to have anything to do with me:-
1) these people started off as my enemies, as people I have had no intention to have anywhere near me, and they later on showed up all over, showing off their ... supposed... superiority over me, all of which exercises did not go as they thought, because I am not only still here, but I am growing, and I am NOT letting go the anger that seeks a way out in me.
2) having anyone that has had something to do with any facet of my unhappiness; with whom I have either exchanged words about getting out of my way, is really NOT to the good of that person, because if I have to SAY/write something, then THAT person has no place in... my world.
jesus, your 'christ', said "my sheep hear my voice, and they follow me", and it is the same with me, only my 'voice' is a... eh... substantial being, and he is the one tasked with sorting out the chaff from the wheat, and leaving the wheat for me to see.
I guess I HAVE to say this, in case the OSC is paying attention and thinking me desperate:- THIS morning I was in S/Town, because I needed to confirm something to myself, among other things;
Remember I had said there were two women missing, and that if I got to fifteen then i would be ready to move and stuff?
Well, I was not looking, and was trying to find out just who the two are, and I had dismissed the girl from the court-thing because she had obviously NOT shown up to court dressed like that, but rather had been arrested in the clothes she was wearing, and been released early that day in court, hence the lawyer and the departure and her shame.Now I hate people who get embroiled in these civil cases, just as i hate male-ish women.
So, I would not have anything much to do with her.
What I wanted to confirm was this:- after realising that God did indeed GIVE what I now call "God Assists" to me in the case of the ten women, and that the 'three' were women who were distinct in that, without Him actually pointing them out to me, He hinted, once in a vision {the girl with the smile in that vision about a girl 'climbing up' over the sea} once with a word of expecting the unexpected {woman with the sweet smile} and once when I myself, at a prompt from Him to let my anger out, called someone after I had seen nicky? and been very unhappy with what I saw {woman with her complex behaviour at the beach on that Saturday}... anyway, after I realised that He does meddle but in an indirect way, I was thinking of the day He had told me that I ought to stay 'by the seaside' when I wanted to go to Capricorn and see people and thus hopefully have a change of diet.
I stayed, and when I was coming out of the hut, and walking to the toilet block, this girl, about 100m away [that was what I was checking] suddenly stood up, walked from the sea-side of the low wall, and hurried over to the VW minibus with tow kids in tow.
girl had been partially facing my way, and I had seen boobs in a low cut brassiere, and been impressed, and been walking closer to view them, when she , as soon as I saw them, from that distance, got up and went to the car and ... disappointingly... covered her breasts with a clinging black T-shirt.
In was not happy, because there were other people there, and she was not the slightest bit unfazed about THEM, and the moment I show up, she covers herself, and so, as I glumly passed the car, I was struck by how she was bobbing up and down and trying to look at her behind in the mirror of a red car nearby, maybe another VW [Golf] and then she turned to me as if to ask if she was OK now.
Like it mattered.
I pointedly looked at her legs and when I passed by again, she was in a pair of faded but tight jeans, and they left none of her pleasing legs to the imgination.
Well, I guess she is the fourth.
I would be lying if I said I have settled on the fifth as yet.
Because I am not certain about a lot of things.
Saturday, 16 March 2013
This should really be a post for... Origins.
God, for me is sometimes too cryptic, or rather i try to think too mmuch sometimes, so much so that I tend to overlook the... obvious.
Now, today, this moment, i FINALLY figured out what He meant by telling them the source of the cloud that dies not bear water.
Let me explaing in my own... roundabout way.
First time i actually came close to having 'sex for the first time' was with a girl I met on the road to somewhere back home, when I was about fourteen or so.
She was nothing much to look at, screen saver wise, but she had a nice, firm, rounded body, and when I approached her with the time honuored line 'you look good' she replied instantly, 'so do you', and to say I was nonplussed, would be to put it midly.
But i carried on woth some other tried and tested formulae, and eventually, we came to this inch-high maize field [eh, the MAIZE was inch high] and it was just beside a busy road that led to Ascot Secondary school, where I did my O-levels. Must have been a weekend when schools had just opened, because I later saw classmates that were coming from there, having paid their fees.
Early morning.
Anyway, I was horny, and, acting the gentleman, I decided I would lie on the maize ans she would come on top. Figured that way SHE would have to do the work, while i just moved her up and down like I was lifting weights, see?
So, she agreed.
early morning, just gone eight, or so.
she rests her elbows, rudely, I thought, on my chest, and when I looked at the hands themselves, I actually went cold.
She had a gash, from just above the left wrist, all the way down to the elbow, and it was in places about an inch wide, and all the way pink, like someone had slashed her with a sharp tool.
Adventurous girl, agrees to have sex, well, actually sort of initiates it, with a complete stranger, early in the morning (any girl in Zim would be cleaning house at that time, if she was any girl worth calling a girl) ;- where is she coming from, and what type of girl gets almost gutted like THAT? I mean, it was easy to see she had been warding a blow to her body, and so, as i lay there, and she waited for me to play my part, I did not even bother. I just lay there.
She seized my penis, then gave me a mocking laugh and when I naively asked her what was wrong, she replied, in English; "I am not a sex therapist".
Well, that put paid to that, and we parted.
Now, do NOT get me wrong, I am NOT interested in morals or anything like that;- i personally like sex wherever and whenever I can get it, but, fuck it, a woman MUST act like a woman, and not something else.
i am not interested, also, in arguing about it, I just choose what suits me, see, and get it going as I see fit.
Like, I only this morning, as I said, figured out what God meant, and this is how it happened.
I was cross last night, angry because everything is sort of NOT going my way, and I said to God that this was basically His fault because he tells me to be me and gives me all sorts of puzzles and He knows the answers and I have to blunder about trying to get things right while he sits there and gives no help. It is easy, i concluded, to be an armchair general, now i do not even know what the fuck anything is about, and dont You tell me to calm down... et.c., et.c.
So, i am a bit calmer, this morning, and I think about how He intervened in the case of this coloured chick, Paula, with a statement that I would have to 'bear her' for ten years, and that God is a God of thin violence.
back then, I had no idea that the dazzling smile she wore so effectively was made of a false tooth, and that she had a moustache.
when I did discover it, I thought, fuck this, and I gave up on her. She looked nice, yes, but kissing someone who shaves her upper lips? Yuck!
This is where it comes down to my... preference, see?
I like female females. Not undecided ones. I mean, it can be scientifically proven that a woman who has a moustache actually has tendencies towards male-dominion type behaviour, and me having to fight someone for whom i would later have an erection is definitely NOT my idea of... easy life.
And I like it easy.
I like women with hips, curves and absolutely NO scars and facial marks... even pimples... because THOSE mean that the woman is hiding her true colours and her body is showing it, sort of balancing it out.
fuck, observe stuff;
men with baldness are liars, they try always to pretend to be what they are not, as if people should not know what they are thinking, and the result is, the body, which can not live a lie, tries to compensate, and in effect say, 'hi, my owner is not what he wants you to see, he is hiding his thoughts' which is why i started worrying when I started losing some of my front hair, because I knew i was living a lie big time, and wanted a change.
but, then, as i said, i am NOt interested ina contest of who is right or wrong, I like eye-candy, and as it turns out, if I can NOT stand a woman, then it means the woman is busy NOT being a woman, but trying to be something else.
That is the reason, basically, I can NOT stand being around certain people.
THAT said, I have to confess that I have been busy trying to get someone from butt-head's side to at least ... apologise... because i am getting to be all too aware of myself.
I WILL butcher everyone from that side if there is no one who makes a peace offer before I am done, because one thing I can not stand is being laughed at, especially by a bunch of people who i never wanted to meet in the first place.
But I WILL kill michelle, and what will give me great pleasure to do is bash her daughter against a rock, or something, in her sight, just to show how pissed off at her I am.
And butt-head and faggot face and nicky and moto mia... at the very least.
because I can NOT forgive.
Now, there is this thing about the vision with the ark, and the bat's wing.
Figured THAT out as well; the wing stuff. Same story, "No lift". I do not change; if I can not stand someone NOW, I will never stand them - ever.
Unfortunately, there SHOULD be five women, but all I came up with are four, and once I get up to five, then i am basically going to massacre the whole bunch from michelle, to the relative of the 'nth' order. Not even a memory of them will remain.
here are the four. Women I do not have to... bear... or groan about, because they are... female, females.[ and by the way, I HATE English noses, because the person speaks like the person is about to have a running nose, and everytime i have been close to one such i have wanted to offer a hanky, or toilet paper, because it is so... irritating]
And the women are easy on the eyes, and while nobody is ... perfect... i am NOT interested too much in anyone's history, since everyone is wrong anyway.
The first is the Dutch girl, who came to that lodge two days before my 30th birthday, and we had that talk about michelle, and then when she cornered me in the kitchen, alone, and she bent over with her back to me and i wondered if there were any good legs there, she showed me perfect legs the following morning, and the thing is, she SHOULD have just gone to cape point, since she and the guy she was with wanted to see the sunrise, but I met them in s/town later, since I had said i would be in the place and that i would either be at the library or the internet cafe. met them at the two and six, which is when i wanted to confirm a suspicion that the girl wanted to be near me, and asked for contact details, and got the guy's email address.
OK, I TAKE her.
Then there is the girl with the German shepherd, with her wide ass, and hips, who jumped the wall, and when i looked... fuck, I talked about this, yes?
then there is thegirl from s/town, who i met on the train when i was eying the other redhead askance. No doubt of interest THERE
then there is
Fuck, I will have to think about this!
Now, today, this moment, i FINALLY figured out what He meant by telling them the source of the cloud that dies not bear water.
Let me explaing in my own... roundabout way.
First time i actually came close to having 'sex for the first time' was with a girl I met on the road to somewhere back home, when I was about fourteen or so.
She was nothing much to look at, screen saver wise, but she had a nice, firm, rounded body, and when I approached her with the time honuored line 'you look good' she replied instantly, 'so do you', and to say I was nonplussed, would be to put it midly.
But i carried on woth some other tried and tested formulae, and eventually, we came to this inch-high maize field [eh, the MAIZE was inch high] and it was just beside a busy road that led to Ascot Secondary school, where I did my O-levels. Must have been a weekend when schools had just opened, because I later saw classmates that were coming from there, having paid their fees.
Early morning.
Anyway, I was horny, and, acting the gentleman, I decided I would lie on the maize ans she would come on top. Figured that way SHE would have to do the work, while i just moved her up and down like I was lifting weights, see?
So, she agreed.
early morning, just gone eight, or so.
she rests her elbows, rudely, I thought, on my chest, and when I looked at the hands themselves, I actually went cold.
She had a gash, from just above the left wrist, all the way down to the elbow, and it was in places about an inch wide, and all the way pink, like someone had slashed her with a sharp tool.
Adventurous girl, agrees to have sex, well, actually sort of initiates it, with a complete stranger, early in the morning (any girl in Zim would be cleaning house at that time, if she was any girl worth calling a girl) ;- where is she coming from, and what type of girl gets almost gutted like THAT? I mean, it was easy to see she had been warding a blow to her body, and so, as i lay there, and she waited for me to play my part, I did not even bother. I just lay there.
She seized my penis, then gave me a mocking laugh and when I naively asked her what was wrong, she replied, in English; "I am not a sex therapist".
Well, that put paid to that, and we parted.
Now, do NOT get me wrong, I am NOT interested in morals or anything like that;- i personally like sex wherever and whenever I can get it, but, fuck it, a woman MUST act like a woman, and not something else.
i am not interested, also, in arguing about it, I just choose what suits me, see, and get it going as I see fit.
Like, I only this morning, as I said, figured out what God meant, and this is how it happened.
I was cross last night, angry because everything is sort of NOT going my way, and I said to God that this was basically His fault because he tells me to be me and gives me all sorts of puzzles and He knows the answers and I have to blunder about trying to get things right while he sits there and gives no help. It is easy, i concluded, to be an armchair general, now i do not even know what the fuck anything is about, and dont You tell me to calm down... et.c., et.c.
So, i am a bit calmer, this morning, and I think about how He intervened in the case of this coloured chick, Paula, with a statement that I would have to 'bear her' for ten years, and that God is a God of thin violence.
back then, I had no idea that the dazzling smile she wore so effectively was made of a false tooth, and that she had a moustache.
when I did discover it, I thought, fuck this, and I gave up on her. She looked nice, yes, but kissing someone who shaves her upper lips? Yuck!
This is where it comes down to my... preference, see?
I like female females. Not undecided ones. I mean, it can be scientifically proven that a woman who has a moustache actually has tendencies towards male-dominion type behaviour, and me having to fight someone for whom i would later have an erection is definitely NOT my idea of... easy life.
And I like it easy.
I like women with hips, curves and absolutely NO scars and facial marks... even pimples... because THOSE mean that the woman is hiding her true colours and her body is showing it, sort of balancing it out.
fuck, observe stuff;
men with baldness are liars, they try always to pretend to be what they are not, as if people should not know what they are thinking, and the result is, the body, which can not live a lie, tries to compensate, and in effect say, 'hi, my owner is not what he wants you to see, he is hiding his thoughts' which is why i started worrying when I started losing some of my front hair, because I knew i was living a lie big time, and wanted a change.
but, then, as i said, i am NOt interested ina contest of who is right or wrong, I like eye-candy, and as it turns out, if I can NOT stand a woman, then it means the woman is busy NOT being a woman, but trying to be something else.
That is the reason, basically, I can NOT stand being around certain people.
THAT said, I have to confess that I have been busy trying to get someone from butt-head's side to at least ... apologise... because i am getting to be all too aware of myself.
I WILL butcher everyone from that side if there is no one who makes a peace offer before I am done, because one thing I can not stand is being laughed at, especially by a bunch of people who i never wanted to meet in the first place.
But I WILL kill michelle, and what will give me great pleasure to do is bash her daughter against a rock, or something, in her sight, just to show how pissed off at her I am.
And butt-head and faggot face and nicky and moto mia... at the very least.
because I can NOT forgive.
Now, there is this thing about the vision with the ark, and the bat's wing.
Figured THAT out as well; the wing stuff. Same story, "No lift". I do not change; if I can not stand someone NOW, I will never stand them - ever.
Unfortunately, there SHOULD be five women, but all I came up with are four, and once I get up to five, then i am basically going to massacre the whole bunch from michelle, to the relative of the 'nth' order. Not even a memory of them will remain.
here are the four. Women I do not have to... bear... or groan about, because they are... female, females.[ and by the way, I HATE English noses, because the person speaks like the person is about to have a running nose, and everytime i have been close to one such i have wanted to offer a hanky, or toilet paper, because it is so... irritating]
And the women are easy on the eyes, and while nobody is ... perfect... i am NOT interested too much in anyone's history, since everyone is wrong anyway.
The first is the Dutch girl, who came to that lodge two days before my 30th birthday, and we had that talk about michelle, and then when she cornered me in the kitchen, alone, and she bent over with her back to me and i wondered if there were any good legs there, she showed me perfect legs the following morning, and the thing is, she SHOULD have just gone to cape point, since she and the guy she was with wanted to see the sunrise, but I met them in s/town later, since I had said i would be in the place and that i would either be at the library or the internet cafe. met them at the two and six, which is when i wanted to confirm a suspicion that the girl wanted to be near me, and asked for contact details, and got the guy's email address.
OK, I TAKE her.
Then there is the girl with the German shepherd, with her wide ass, and hips, who jumped the wall, and when i looked... fuck, I talked about this, yes?
then there is thegirl from s/town, who i met on the train when i was eying the other redhead askance. No doubt of interest THERE
then there is
Fuck, I will have to think about this!
Friday, 15 March 2013
No Limits...!
I normally take time out to re-gurgitate what goes on in my life and in my thoughts, and yesterday, after thinking that maybe everything was NOT the way It ought to, I sat down on the steps leading to my mountain hideout and came to the conclusion that I am a person who definitely has nothing called 'a life'.
And so, I said so, to God, pointing out that there was absolutely NOTHING I could be said to... want... or to be good at so much that I could make something of myself out of it.
I have no life, I said over and over again.
He replied.
What do you think He said?
No, you are wrong?
No, He said nothing of the kind.
He let me know exactly that I was right by side-stepping the issue and pointing out the bleakness of my existence while at the same time focusing me in the direction I should take:- He said "You choose what kind of world you like", and I knew it was a tacit agreement that I am not much of a 'person' when viewed by others' standards.
But then, I am... taking over, and well, if I can not have anything to... do..., I can at least deal with what I do not like in this world.
Later on He showed me the 'theory' of how to... fly. But then, I remember that the first time He spoke to me about what I was doing, it took me about three days ato get from a 'this-is-crazy' attitude to a 'let me do this' mentality. And THAT was mathematics;- this is -or should be - practical, and my mind is still struggleing with the thought that my legs could actually get off the ground and stay off it without gravity reminding them of where they belong;- so I think I may take a while to actually ... DO... this.
Of course, I AM crazy.
I see it every day.
Does not mean I am wrong, though.
But I was way wrong about this; that I would NOT do anything to women because there may be misconceptions.
Now, look at it this way;- the ONLY female I owe anything to is my mother, and regardless of what happens, I am NOT going to see any harm fall on her, at least not while everyone else is alive and kicking, hell no!
The only woman I would never harm physically is her, because I am alive [despite her efforts] because of her. And my father.
So they are sacrosanct.
But no one else
I owe no one else anything.
Now, it has been puzzling me for a while why the ten women that I finally settled on were so... scared... of me.
I knew of course that I wanted people around me who would NOT need to be told who I am so that I did not have to explain anything, but their behaviour when they came near me left me with a distinct impression that these women were terrified. Of me.
more than even the direst situation warranted.
Till I remembered something jesus said, when he wanted to impress on the disciples that they should fear God;- he said
fear not him who can kill the body but afterwards can do nothing, but rather fear him who is able to cast both body and sould in hell
And he should know, right since he was there from the beginning, and he probably had seen how dire hell was, right?
MY POINT is that I am able to do just that. I mean that,if anyone ought to be feared in the whole of existence, then that person is none other than... me.
because not only WILL I do the casting in hell stuff, but also, I REALLY do not care what anyone may think, nor do I do waht anyone may consider... fair.
Since of course, I have no equal among you, and my word and my choice... alone... stands.
So, that being the case, it gives me great pleasure to announce that I have ALWAYS wanted to strangle michelle, kick her buck-teeth in and generally give myself the satisfaction of hearing her groan as I deliver bone-crsushing kicks into her ribs, and stomach.
I would love that, so I am not restraining myself.
I have decided that the first set of people to totally eliminate is the entire OSC.
men, women and children.
with my bare hands. All of them.
probably the ONLY person I will leave alive is butthead's mom. If she decides to walk away from the whole lot before I go ballistic.
Because she showed me ... some... respect.
but the males, i will gather ALL of them, all that can stand on their own two feet, and think they are ... men... and I will, without any weapons but my hands and feet, mow them down, and then go down with them to hell, to scout it out, to empty paradise, and to take over sole responsiblity for the whole place. So that when obama goes down, the place is ... ready... for him.
then I will come for the females, and start with michelle. And tear her to pieces.
because I owe her nothing.
then nicky?, then the remainder of the women and children.
not a single one will escape. Every single one of those fools who has ever read any post of mine, and all their relatives; kids, parents, siblings, cousins, will die.
I guara-damn-tee it!
And then go to hell.
because the time of showing that you people are 'but dust' has not arrived, has it?
See, the difference between me and you is this:- I have NO REMORSE for anything I do, because everything I do, I do knowing full well why I am doing it, and have no regrets about anything I have ever done, but you people have this inbuilt self-deception thing, and when I show you all just what you were REALLY doing, you will see just how shallow your lives are, and the 'knowledge' will kill you.
simple as that.
unless of course you happen to be ... on my side.
And I think there will only be fifteen of those.
And as things stand, I am almost at my full quota.
Can not decide between butt-head's mom and Carol's sister, because I am not so sure either of the two were ever really... wary (to say the least)... of me.
But, as I said, I am not waiting around to see someone who has read my posts a lot decide whether I am for real or not, since, as I said, I am not interested in anyone's opinion that much.
All that matters is one mantains a respectful distance from me, because I tend not to do anyone any favours, nor do i like anyone becoming familiar with me. Not now, not ever.
And as I pointed out, before, i will make sure that the families of the ten women do not just... die, but live till the end.But that applies only to the ten.
As for the rest, no concessions. NONE whatsoever!!
And so, I said so, to God, pointing out that there was absolutely NOTHING I could be said to... want... or to be good at so much that I could make something of myself out of it.
I have no life, I said over and over again.
He replied.
What do you think He said?
No, you are wrong?
No, He said nothing of the kind.
He let me know exactly that I was right by side-stepping the issue and pointing out the bleakness of my existence while at the same time focusing me in the direction I should take:- He said "You choose what kind of world you like", and I knew it was a tacit agreement that I am not much of a 'person' when viewed by others' standards.
But then, I am... taking over, and well, if I can not have anything to... do..., I can at least deal with what I do not like in this world.
Later on He showed me the 'theory' of how to... fly. But then, I remember that the first time He spoke to me about what I was doing, it took me about three days ato get from a 'this-is-crazy' attitude to a 'let me do this' mentality. And THAT was mathematics;- this is -or should be - practical, and my mind is still struggleing with the thought that my legs could actually get off the ground and stay off it without gravity reminding them of where they belong;- so I think I may take a while to actually ... DO... this.
Of course, I AM crazy.
I see it every day.
Does not mean I am wrong, though.
But I was way wrong about this; that I would NOT do anything to women because there may be misconceptions.
Now, look at it this way;- the ONLY female I owe anything to is my mother, and regardless of what happens, I am NOT going to see any harm fall on her, at least not while everyone else is alive and kicking, hell no!
The only woman I would never harm physically is her, because I am alive [despite her efforts] because of her. And my father.
So they are sacrosanct.
But no one else
I owe no one else anything.
Now, it has been puzzling me for a while why the ten women that I finally settled on were so... scared... of me.
I knew of course that I wanted people around me who would NOT need to be told who I am so that I did not have to explain anything, but their behaviour when they came near me left me with a distinct impression that these women were terrified. Of me.
more than even the direst situation warranted.
Till I remembered something jesus said, when he wanted to impress on the disciples that they should fear God;- he said
fear not him who can kill the body but afterwards can do nothing, but rather fear him who is able to cast both body and sould in hell
And he should know, right since he was there from the beginning, and he probably had seen how dire hell was, right?
MY POINT is that I am able to do just that. I mean that,if anyone ought to be feared in the whole of existence, then that person is none other than... me.
because not only WILL I do the casting in hell stuff, but also, I REALLY do not care what anyone may think, nor do I do waht anyone may consider... fair.
Since of course, I have no equal among you, and my word and my choice... alone... stands.
So, that being the case, it gives me great pleasure to announce that I have ALWAYS wanted to strangle michelle, kick her buck-teeth in and generally give myself the satisfaction of hearing her groan as I deliver bone-crsushing kicks into her ribs, and stomach.
I would love that, so I am not restraining myself.
I have decided that the first set of people to totally eliminate is the entire OSC.
men, women and children.
with my bare hands. All of them.
probably the ONLY person I will leave alive is butthead's mom. If she decides to walk away from the whole lot before I go ballistic.
Because she showed me ... some... respect.
but the males, i will gather ALL of them, all that can stand on their own two feet, and think they are ... men... and I will, without any weapons but my hands and feet, mow them down, and then go down with them to hell, to scout it out, to empty paradise, and to take over sole responsiblity for the whole place. So that when obama goes down, the place is ... ready... for him.
then I will come for the females, and start with michelle. And tear her to pieces.
because I owe her nothing.
then nicky?, then the remainder of the women and children.
not a single one will escape. Every single one of those fools who has ever read any post of mine, and all their relatives; kids, parents, siblings, cousins, will die.
I guara-damn-tee it!
And then go to hell.
because the time of showing that you people are 'but dust' has not arrived, has it?
See, the difference between me and you is this:- I have NO REMORSE for anything I do, because everything I do, I do knowing full well why I am doing it, and have no regrets about anything I have ever done, but you people have this inbuilt self-deception thing, and when I show you all just what you were REALLY doing, you will see just how shallow your lives are, and the 'knowledge' will kill you.
simple as that.
unless of course you happen to be ... on my side.
And I think there will only be fifteen of those.
And as things stand, I am almost at my full quota.
Can not decide between butt-head's mom and Carol's sister, because I am not so sure either of the two were ever really... wary (to say the least)... of me.
But, as I said, I am not waiting around to see someone who has read my posts a lot decide whether I am for real or not, since, as I said, I am not interested in anyone's opinion that much.
All that matters is one mantains a respectful distance from me, because I tend not to do anyone any favours, nor do i like anyone becoming familiar with me. Not now, not ever.
And as I pointed out, before, i will make sure that the families of the ten women do not just... die, but live till the end.But that applies only to the ten.
As for the rest, no concessions. NONE whatsoever!!
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