HBK

The night before last was very... interesting, not because I did not sleep, since I sometimes can do without sleep and not even show the effects of it,  but because vinnie put  CD of gospel music in his radio, and was probably surprised when I started singing along to one track, and even told him that my favourite song was "Our God is an Awesome God".It must have been the soothing effect of some of the songs,-hey I HATE christ still- because when I later came to the library I did something that maybe you all thought was a joke. I showed part of my own inclinations.
I figure it this way, I am supposed to say things and get people to know stuff, right, as an 'academic' that does not have to DO things for anyone, and so, why should I bother with saying things and having people I do not even like anywhere near me end up budging into my life like they have a ... right... to be there, like I ... LISTEN to them and have God judge between me and them, as if it matters what they think I SHOULD do for them, or accept them? ha! fuck, I would rather say that which is necessary to get the women, that I would prefer to have, make a change and if they actually CARE about me, remove that which is wrong, that which pisses me off -because, whether you like it or no,t, I AM going to kill people, and the only people that I cn discriminate and keep alive, and not face my wrath would be those that either have heard me without my saying anything on my posts, and these number, at present, and finally, 22 [21 women, 1 girl], but the rest of these, which I found I would rather have with me, are, as I said, the david matthews chick, the RAV4 woman, the mother at the beach, the i-know-it-all woman, and finally, [since I did not really like the nicole-kidman chick since she lacks the basic ingredient of women that I tend to go for, which is a super ass] the kimono-clad woman at S/Town beach. The one I said I hated to lose, when I posted it that day, long back.
Why would my posts matter to some ididot I do not like, and have that argumentative chick, or whatever, seek me out and think she will make me lose my head over her?

So, I was wrapping up everything that God had said, without the normal bias I have towards everything He says because I tend to be rather quick to conclude that he is taking sides, and I was going, OK, then, God, I have what You say are the women I should want, so, hey, let me get out of here, because these women will have seen just who I am now, and He replied "eye has not seen", and anyone that has read the bible will know that there is a scripture that goes, "eye has not seem, nor has ear heard,m not has come into the heart of man, the great and wonderful things YHWH has in store for those who love Him", and while, technically, because I can NOT say I love God, neither now nor ever, and while I would also, by the same argumant, not be impressed by any surprises that He would have in store for me [I want to tackle that which is already THERE and not bother with being informed of just how clever God is, and how He is able to do the unusual, fuck, look at the stars and stuff, He already DID it, now it is time for me to find out ways to make water so that when I lave this motherfucking planet I would be able to sustain a life where I eat well, me and mine, and also, of course, deal with the very thorny issue of how to dispose of wqste, human or otherwise, in between planetary jumps;- meaning, to oput it plainly, I want to DO everyting MYSELF, and deal with every little detail personally!] i found that He was refering to some women that actually DO pine for me, at present, and think I do not ... care.
Well, so THIS is what the "unseen academicals" statement was all about:- I had not come out in the open. It is also what the other vision meant,:- "by saturday everyone will know me", meaning that, from yesterday, till now, I was exposing myself, and there is now nothing hidden about me.
As to whther any of these women are mother and daughter, that is something that means absolutely NOTHING to me, and I would prefer NOT to be reminded about it, and if there is a woman that thinks [can not forget the vision of my aunt and her daughter] that since she is a mother than she ought to have some... rights and keep me from having what I want, well, this is the thing:- while I do care, yet at the same time, I do not brook opposition to my will, and so, if it comes to a clash about what is supposed to be ... 'correct' ... then I will end up rolling my sleeves, because I bow down to no one, and hate the fact that I am even DOING things -or technically, speaking about things- that should no even be my brought up to begin with, since I can number women among those that have ... pleased... me who have distanced themselves from their offspring, or showm a great reluctnace to be... mothers... and so, have , after removing themselves from the 'little ones' offered themselves to me, much to my delight, since it is a woman, alone, and easy to pluck from the tree, that I want, and fuck the rest.
or not, as teh case may be.
So,I hope that the issue of kids will not rear its head to... bother me, ever again.
Oh and by the way, I am not going, therefore, to be deciding whether,. between today and tomorrow, I will go to Site 5 or order everything destroyed. NO, I will FIRST have these women found, and THEN I will have the rest of you die, and will then travel to germany and holland, get the two, and then sek out the extemely attractive chick and then , well, everything else is going to hell.
but I guess one could say that my first stop will be the one I was "told" i should make, by a certain woman who, for some reason decidd she was best qualified to tell me just what is good for me;- I will go home, and then I will come back and kill that same woman, and those that stood with her.
THAT I promise!
Michelle, you will rue crossing the maverick, oh yessss!

 the champ is here!!

,

Off the... Bat!

This is a totally unrehearsed post: i am not at present even aware of where this is going to head, but I will speak from the heart so to ... speak, and let things take their own course, because i have discovered just one lie that I have been hiding under, and that is that I do not care for anyone.Strange it was that I, as soon as I got on the train back to kalk bay, I found myself thoroghly disgruntled be the ... choice... of women that I had settled on, and decided that God wanted me to want.
i can not stand the woman with the moustache, and I can not bear to look at her daughter, and that girl who thinks she has brains has so pissed me off I really would welcome a chance to strangle her, and as for her friend... I am not sure where i stand with that girl, but frankly, she is not the sort of girl i would want to wake up next to, not in THIS life, because i DO tend to judge specifically according to appearance, and not much else.
besides, the dumb chick- sharp_face - was so busy trying to get me to backtrack so that she could show me that God was more in HER pocket than mine, and that she could interpret for me better than I could what God meant, and so, fuck, I am showing her who the final say resides with, and that is me:- I reject her out of hand, as well as these other three silly women.
Now, I am still NOT stopping from my promise to turn on the screws. God has been, throughout the night,  stressing over and over that it is ME He is interested in , and not anyone else, but this time, I flatly told Him that I do not buy it, that any theory is only as good as its proof, so He better SHOW, once and for all, if He is for me or against me, and that by upholding or rejecting my word, because I not only dont want to be involved in this to begin with, but I do not have to watch over His promise to make it come to pass.
So, as far as I am concerned, there is A woman that I would not mind having around me, probably the ONLY woman who has read my posts and come out of her shell, not to show me up, but to... appeal, and she is the one who did that interesting ass shaking thing, which still leaves me a deep sense of unfulfilled longing. I have no idea what she thinks of me, whether she is longing for me, or if it was all for show, but hey, I am calling it ,like i see it.
That is her, but, because, as i said,this is about what I ... want... i have to point out where my ... bias... ends, and here i confess that I am thinking, still "15 seconds to get out of here", of which ten, so far ignorant, women, are accounted for, means she is one of the five, and then there is the RAV-4 woman, you know, the type of lady I can not just let go, and walk out of my life, and then there is the extremely attractive blonde chick who made her way back to canada or such, and then, since it just occured to me that the ten women are currently around, and so, the outsiders do not... count, I will dilly dally a bit, and wonder which person has stroked my balls the right way and made me feel I would like to have her around me, permanently.
what about the walk-by the nicole kidman look-alike performed for me? Well, maybe it is because i have not slept a wink the whole night up to now, but I am assuming that the major reason I want a person is that she herself evinces some interest in me, and leaves me in no doubt that she is attracted to me, somehow. So, how about I plug her in there, and then she is the third.
then there is a woman who surprised me at fish hoek beach way back when, when i used to walk from kalk bay, get off the road at that defunct train station, and then walk on the beach and wash my feet outside the public toilets. This woman, in a funny light coloured dress, with the outsides of the thighs longer than the front  and back -I know, this all sounds weird and crazy; my talking about it that is- so that her knees were exposed as well as a portion of her thighs, was holding her son, and she had no ring on her hand, and as she waited to use a bucket to maybe build a sand castle or such a thing, I engaged her in a conversation. She was actually quite good looking, and, of course, blonde, and i said that the reason the boy is so sullen is that he is looking at the ugly balck man, at which she replied quite matter of factly that he had been having a temper tantrum, and we carried on talking, till she asked me if i had any kids,a nd i said NO, and did not want any, and then she said that being a parent was a full-time job, you have to give up everything about YOU want for it. Actually she said that if one wanted to be a parent one had to have done everything one wanted first, and I left it at that, because, you see, what with, even now, the NO drinking policy, meaning that the women have to beach themselves, and not me drain the water away from them and leave them bereft; I mean, I have no ... hope... that she would even look twice at me seeing that I would NOT have her AND her kid, but would rather she lost that.
Dont know if she is maybe a reader of my posts, and has come by some weird process to the point where she has herself decided to let go her kid,  and her own preconceptions, but hey, I am saying that THIS is all off teh bat, not scripted or rehearsed, i actually feel stupid mentioning all this.
Dont know also if miss-i-know-it-all has also decided to let go her... son, because, if one must know, she is the one woman who has legs that even allison and all her cleverness could not... win over. I mean from the knee down. And those thighs!

About... WAR

So, I find it rather... irritating... that I have gone almost full circle just so that I can end up exactly where God wants me. I give up trying to predetermine Him any more, because i always lose. Guess you could say the reason I always try to go and pre-empt him is that I STILL do not want Him anywhere near me, and want His involvement kept to as minimum as possible.
but, hey He got me, OK. Good. Dont mind much, though, because things are about to get rather... interesting, yes!
Thing is, I was... wrong, again, about who the five are. Apparently the thing is, these women, those that are here anyway, have to see what I am saying, and overlook my own inclinations and then try to argue the point with me, see, to convince me that I am wrong, because they see the truth better than me, see?
like I care, but now I am laying down the gauntlet, and challenging them to the ONLY real point, as far as I am concerned, because the look I got from the brainy chick as she sat behind me outside the olympia bakery was one that made me think that she obviously has no idea just how i am likely, for the sake of just mocking her, to just close the fucking door in her face and , well, mangle her in the process.
Because I have no problem with people having a disagreement with me, as long as they keep it to themselves, and do not try to impose it on me. THEN we have a problem, see?
And as far as I am concerned, that isexactly where I stand with this chick, because she apparently assumes I care what her opinion is, and I hate being contradicted on my own life, and how it will be.
so, since God was stressing that there is a mother-daughter thing, and he even said "abisha' to me and I explained THAT, sop, well there is ONLY one woman and daughter combo that satisfies that, and that would be, also, apparently, the st-peters woman and her daughter -I really do not give a fuck about the appearance of a woman, because they are all in God's hands, and if I get a woman that pisses me off, and I end up killing her, than it is up to God to take my unhappiness for time wasted-, and in this case, as well, the woman was saying I am wrong about God, and wanted me to come into her way of thinking.
So, I am looking at them NOW, and challenging her, her daughter, and the two friends to, if they dare, put my ultimatum to the test, and let us see if God will bounce their way, and we can all have a democratic life where they have an equal say in a life where I dominate.
Fuck, let me make this interesting, and put my mouth where my fist is, and say to them that, if they get God to get me to become... normal, and be what they all expect, I will meekly do as He and they all say, having seen the error of my ways, BUT, if I end up on top, I am going to rend these four to pieces and take my own women, because anyone who overlooks me and then at the same time expects to have something to do with me has to have something seriously wrong with her head, the bitch,a nd I therefore tell them just what the fuck my ultimatum IS!
Since I am working overnight at vinnie's today, and he sent me to look for wire and beads in the city centre, and I took the advantage of the opportunity to get off in wynberg, and send this out, I have to say this as well;- in the unlikely event that these women, who, as far as I am concerned, are not so much of a threat as far as I am concerned since they are not arguing about race but about God, Whom they have never seen and therefore know nothing about, and as such they are all just about History that they are keeping up with the stubborn obstinacy of people that have never considered why they do what they do. So, I dismiss them as idiots, and if they want to argue with me, well then, talk to my fist, because I HATE being crossed, especially by idiots who do not see the simple truth that is plain before their eyes, the silly fools.
fuck, it is MY life, and I have the fial say,a nd you want to fucking discuss the issues of your lives with me? When I tell you I do not care whether you live or die, or whether you agree with me or not,but that WHAT I care about is that some asshole opposes me, and thinks I will back down and listen to your opinions, the opinions of people that have led sheltered lives, never argued to the point of death that they will NOT bow down to anyone, man, woman or God, and now you think.
FUCK< if it was not for the fact that IF these women lose their stupid opinions and decide to bow down to me as the other twenty-two females did[ and FYI I actually never bothered to acknowledge these, and most of them are nursing broken hearts...] then I would have all this wrapped up in a manner to piss christ off


 

Double cross, see? 26, yes?
And, since the two friends are rather reminiscent of michelle and her friend's sister, and the mother daughter combo is really a kick between the legs of michelle, since she herself has that moustache-thing, and her daughter is blonde, then i would have someting to satisfy my hot rage even after I have killed her.
remember the end of month is just round the corner, and I am going to enjoy being really irresponsibly UNLIMITED, and very, very very mad, as YHWH-Sabaoth, see?
but then, I do not mind losing these people, because MY opinion is that people do not change, and I am not interested in people who show me one side and change later. I am not interested in working to effect change in people. I like making things, not people. if these four women are not among my women, they are, as one may have guessed,  not much of a loss, because I really HAVE taken exception to these women, and do not really like them at all, not at all, and I wonder, when compared to the other twenty 2 girls, whether i would ever ever look at them with anything even approaching ease, because I tend to hate my enemies and not compromise, and these people are, as i stand, my enemies, and i am more likely to kill them than have anything constructive to do with them.
There is nothing I hate as much as being crossed, and anyone who does that, and bothers me, makes an enemy for life!


If no man can be my equal, which stupid woman thinks she can be that?

Going ... Rogue!

As I said, I do not like people, so, of course, it was inevitable that, two nights ago, I had a falling out with obert when the little cretin decided that the money I had given to him when I had met him at the train station on my way to wynberg , for food, for us, was better used for himself, and I almost threw him off the mountain. Yesterday, there fore, when vinnie, as we sat in his house working on an order, asked me if I was not fed up with the mountain -what with the circus act I find myself being as far as the idiot women are concerned- I plainly replied I WAS. Up to my neck!Then, of course, he brought up the staying in masiphumelele, issue, and pointed out it was the month end, and that I could get a room of my own, and have my own set of keys, and live independently... . then he asked if I would not mind,  just in case, giving him the details of my next of kin, in Zimbabwe, and he brought out his laptop, and asked me to type it in a word document.
Very aware of the irony of it, I nevertheless did it, and this is what I wrote:-

Document Name: Prince Wemugomo("Wemugomo" means "Of the mountain")

Name:- Prince Mutasa
D.O.B.:- 11-March-1982
Nationality:- Zimbabwean
Home Address:- 17701 New Cranborne, Harare
Alternative address:- 30 Hoffman St, Mambo T/ship, Gweru
Next of kin:- Artwell Thaddeus Mashora Mutasa
(That actually IS my father's full name:- he dropped the Mutasa bit after he retired from the army, and discouraged us from using it, but, well, I find it less demeaning than 'Mashora' which means, among other things, being looked down on)

So, as I wrote THAT last part, I felt the weirdness that means I have gone totally, iconoclastically, and unreversible... over the edge... and so, because I have One that seems to pop in in these circumstances and give the green light when I wonder whether what I am thinking about is actually within His scope; I waited.
Tense, and going more and more agitated with each pasing minute. Would have gone to wynberg but when the... intelligent... chick decided to show up and check up on me, I not only summarily rejected her at that moment -I do not think it is possible that I would ever have a civil word to say to her, not after all this bitterness that she , and her friend, have evoked in me- but I decided not to play her game, ever again.So, I did not go.
And as I later climbed the mountain, this song, by misty-n-roots, which LP album I used to play at home, started echoing in my head, and decided me that it was OK for me to take a page out of the book of christ, and do as he did with his father, and go... rogue.
I decided i would become the son-of-man, because of it. it was inevitable, of course:-

Forward, out of this armageddon
stepping forward, stepping out of babylon
are we forward, out of this armageddon...

All this brain washing
me tell the bandits, we are suffering
how can I sing my father's song again
in this, a strange land?

I had to ask myself how I could possibly, ever again, go and make peace with people that I have been trying to get over for the past six years, and i found that , if it means taking apart the whole world simply so that THAT does not happen, then so be it. I hate the mountain life, of course, and I KNOW that going to stay among people would only exacerbate the anguish I feel already, and while I am not going to overtly DO anything, I am however invoking the release clause that is exclusively MINE in cases like this.
I am saying that THIS will not happen, that I and my father be reconciled. I am saying that what will happen instead is that i will take over the world, and call that which is mine to myself, and do away with the rest.
That means all of you, and that means i will be soon done with this heavy load, and have no more need for ... talk.
because I CAN close, and none shall open, and open, and none shall shut.
consider therefore that what I said is CLOSED is just that, closed, and what I said is open, IS as I said.
Now, who the fuck will fight against THAT?
OK, then, maybe with the 'women' I may have been too hasty, but then, unless THEY show me waht they are thinking, I am not really sure where I stand, right?
I mean, if the five are THE five, then, since I am so weary of all this, I will admit defeat and just let them have their own way;- i am too tired to fight them or even get seriously pissed off against them anymore. Besides, I have no interest in looking elsewhere. MY doors in that direction are shut.
Sealed, barred and forever locked.
provided they somehow haul ass before I act.
Ok, then, so maybe that chick with brains was just wondering if it WAS me she had seen, since i was attired differently than I normally am. maybe she was not even trying to yank my chain!

About that... temper!

After mentally wrting off a lot of things God had said as rubbish, i was comfortably sinking into my default mode, when I got... curious... curiously, towards early morning, and wondered aloud just WTF He had meant about that hud of the'intelligent girl' looking over my left shoulder while she seemed to be walking towards me. I mean, I, technically, would kill anyone for no reason at all if the circumstances were right, but I needed, at least, SOME reasonable, plausible excuse to do so.Sorry I asked, because He told me, or rather quoted the only lines to a dancehall song I still remember :-

And the race is NOT to the swift
but for who can endure it

And so, I was able to figure out that the day I had said i was dumping her friend, which is the morning of the HUD, she had looked over my shoulder [left=> what I had left behind=> my past] and seen that I do NOT actually like people, and so, whoever has to come into my life would have to do it by dint of constant effort, and endure all manner of criticism and rejection as a matter of course [why, I have no idea, but apparently some people are stupid enough, or sentient enough, depending on which side you are on, t0 actually want that!]
Which probably means that she is the reason they both were walking towards me when i saw them on my way back to kalk bay, and of course, being as i said, homicidal, I assumed they were making fun of me, and as it was the day of the "Stop Drinking" vision, I also assumed they had figured that I was ... wrong... and set out to set me right. I flared up, of course, and went;=>

tearing up everything of the rubbish I was considering about God's ways.

turns out that the 'intelligent' chick did not stop there, because apparently after considering that everything I was doing was because i was like obert, she had a volte-face when she saw me throw rocks in frustration,( because according to MY point of view, I do NOT want to be involved in this, and I hate every intrusion inot my life, and having to work out things that God imposes on me, for whatever reason) and so started reasoning clearly, apparently, and then, both of them showed up the day after.
then she pissed me off after i had complained that none of these women who I had, at that time, picked, would ever 'come out' and she did, and she maybe thought it unimportant that she walked past me with some guy, after first pretending to NOT be with him -which means she condemned herself, because if she had NOT done that I would not have been angry- and then showing up at the bakery door, as if to say that SHE heard me, and then going back and standing solicitously next to the guy, before both walked past again.
i am a simple, direct guy, and i hate ALL manner of pretense, because if someone is ashamed of coming out in the open as far as i am concerned, than that someone had better NOT bother even giving me the divided attention. It pisses me off, because I do NOT like people, as i said, and I hate being used as a prop for someone else's ego.
So, I have something very deep against that silly fool, who does not discriminate. Thought herself very clever, i guess, to pass me by yesterday as well with another guy, and then  have the guy come back and check my mood, and the thing is, I think she actually THINKS she knows stuff better than me, the idiot!
there is her friend, of course, and well, she also came past yesterday, and the thing is, i was never going to do what she seems to want me to do, which is to endorse her, because I have had it with people. You want me, you come out in the open about it, and do not wait for me to say something about you. Fuck you!
then, since i am carrying on with the theme of people who seem bent on making me aware of themselves, and yet for some reason do not consider that I am hurt by the idiocy of double-dealing they embark on, there is allison, with her act that is similar to the 'intelligent' chick's, and apparently she thinks,a nd thought nothing of walking into my personal space, trying to get MY attention, and yet pretending that I am some periphereal thing, not the object of her acts. I hate that, and frankly i was ready to kill the woman JUST for the pretense, and i do not care who the person is she was with, the fact that she acted as she did is enough to piss me off!
i have gotten to the point where looks or sex appeal mean squat to me, because the mind of the person is what matters. And I hate what I am finding here.
then there is the david matthews chick, and her coming out, sitting next to me, pretending that I do not exist, and then her looking at me furtively when I spoke and laughed at something someone was saying, like a deer frightened by a thunderclap. Think i care that you parade in front of me, and shake your ass at me? is that what you call affection? Am I some idiot child that you can trick into sleep with some trinkets? Do you think it matters to me that you walk by me, as you do, and do not answer MY questuions about just WTF you are doing behind closed doors you simpering fool?Fuck do these people take me for?

Then, lastly, is the one person that fits 100% the aunt-and-cousin vision, and the ashton kutchter staement and the vidkun quisling thing, if one views it in line with the fact the ONLY thing guaranteed to  make sure that butt-head's mom stands by some other mother is my demanding that the child LEAVE her mother, if it is me she wants, and that would be the blonde chick whose mother wanted me to come to st-peters.
her mother describes my aunt to a 'T', because she was both mother and father to her only daughter, and well, I mean, hello, moustache anyone?

Fuck, THESE are the 5 women, the five seconds, that are here, that seem to be God's pickings of women that are... interested... in me.
They answer to ME though, and as things stand, I am likely to overrule this crap and take only those that had none of this crap to them!
after all, I decide what is best for me, NOT God.
I rule this fucking joint, God just advises.
get that into your thick skulls, fools, because I am getting more and more pissed off with these assholes!

Fuck the rules, I am doing it MY way!

Been doing the thing I... hate... which is to... think, and I am looking specifically at what God said directly affects me, specifically Isaiah 6: 1-13, which says...
In the year that king uzziah died, I saw YHWH, sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up, and His train filled the temple. Above it stood the seraph, each one had six wings and with two it covered its feet, with two it covered its eyes, and with two it did fly.And one cried to the other, 'holy holy is the Lord, and the earth is full of His glory'. And the posts of the door moved at the voice of him that cried, and the house was filled with smoke. Then I said, Woe is me, for I am undone,  for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the king YHWH-Sabaoth.
then flew one of the seraphs to me,  having a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar, and he touched my lips, and said
Lo, this has touched your lips, and your iniquity is taken away, and your sin purged.
Also, I heard the voice of YHWH saying, "Whom shall I send, who will go for US?"
And I said, here I am, send me
And He said, "Go, saying to this people, seeing you shall see,  but not perceive,and hearing you shall hear, and not understand. Make the heart of this people fat, and make their ears heavy, and shut their eyes, that they hear not and see not, and understand not, lest they turn to Me and be healed".
And I said, "Master, how long?"
And He said, "Until the cities be without inhabitant, and the houses without man, and the land be utterly desolate and YHWH have removed men far away, and there be a great forsaking in the midst of the land, but yet there shall be a tenth in it, and shall be eaten, as a teil tree, and as an oak, whose substance is IN THEM, when they CAST their leaves, so the holy seed shall be the substance thereof


This

is what God showed me when I was trying to get to keep a 'tree' and its leaves, and He was specific that this would be not only when king uzziah of the sacrifices died, but also that it would be when YHWH and His following FILLED the temple, meaning that it would be when present based on the past and the future mixed, and everything was given its place, and then the land would be left desolate without man, and the time would be like winter when the tree sheds its leaves [not ME] and has holy... substance... in itself. Now, the other interesting thing is that I had NOT given the woman a choice, but had taken her against her will  and then laughed myself silly when she tried to make a home with me, when I did not even want her, but had been too proud to let God just come between us. Now, the thing is, part of THAT thing has been accomplished,  I have women that have seen, without me even saying a single fucking thing, that I ... hate... a woman who wants to have things done for her, that I hate a women who even looks at me when she  even merely gives a whiff of having some man in her life, or around her, and yet here are the intelligent assholes, the ones that see, the ones that have read what I have to say, and it bothers the assholes none that I even SAID that I hated all that, and yet they look  at me and expect me to even accommodate them.
I am going to show the 'intelligent' chick that I do not do any favours, that I will NOT be used, at all. I refuse to accept you in my life, nor have anything to do with you, for not once, but many times you have tried to show me up, thinking your silly little brain is any match for me. I am going to enjoy making you suffer, bitch!
Yes, oh yessss!
As for your friend, I already pointed out that I have no... interest... in her, because she is not that attractive. So even if she goes around looking all sorrowful, she is not going to make any inroads with me, because I have no pity for anyone, and will NO longer make any effort for any silly reasoning fools.
Then comes the contemporary art chick, yes? I will be honest, I was waiting whole day for her to show, for her to make herself known to me, and it would have made my day, because this time I was going to confront her. Maybe she uses a different car, the 'fair' lady, but it matters not, you will pay for bothering me when I told you over and over again that I hated the fact that you attract my attention when you did not first of all look to yourself and make a change in the area that I was very upset about.
no, I will NOT bother even trying to get to ...know... you, silly fool, I will enjoy rending you to pieces, and making you wish you had never ever tried to walk into my path!
Then there is Allison.
OK, I am willing to... listen... to your side of it, primarily because I have, at this moment, and therefore never in the future, no one who even can compare with you, so it would be with the greatest reluctance that I kill you, but I WILL get to the bottom of your ... involvement... with me.
as for the David Matthews chick, I am not even interested in whether or not she and the RAV-4 woman are mother and daughter, that is actually something I never even bothered with. These people happened, to me independent of each other, and so, I am looking at her, and well, I do 'see' that she appeared to be concerned about being under my scrutiny, which incidentally, I initiated, while married, and so, I want to find out what she did about it.
As of BEFORE this date, not now, because if she is reacting NOW, she is also dead, although I find her quite attractive.
then there is the RAV-4 woman, and well, I have nothing to say there, except that if I have to HUNT her down, then I am not going to be amused when I finally extract answers, and well, in case you assholes who  are reading this do not know, its my world to arrange as I see fit, and you are all just removable riffraff in it. So, I intend to have answers to this, and if it happens after I have become seriously pissed off, then of course all  these women will be D.E.A.D.
These are the people that are here that I have under scrutiny, the others out there who are not so... certain... will have their time.
Now, the things are going to go according to MY rules, not yours, not yours and mine, fools, because I am gearing up for the warpath, and well, I am fucking fed up with having a miserable life while everyone else bothers me while they are in their "suburban bliss!"

 

say them cant stop me
coz me are the don
said they cant stop me
hotter fire me are burn..
said they cant stop me
so them better buck up and run

Fuck whatever you think, God MADE this uniqueness that is in me, the THING that can only come out when I am seriously PISSED off, the THING that caused El Nino, The THING that caused women to cower and just drop at my feet when I passed by, the thing, that you will NOW see as I take matters into  my hands and return millionfold into your laps, fools, the anger of the UNSTOPPABLE rage, the warrior, the End Of Life on EARTH, because I am MAD, MAD, MAD, and you all are in my way, fools.So, if you wanted to KNOW who has been pulling the strings, it is THIS THING, the God of War, and I am certainly NOT backing down THIS time, not when I think of what I have to put up with while all you suckers sip tea and browse my posts and nod sagely as you consider all this another doomsday message;-nothing out of the ordinary.
ha, we shall see THIS time, fools.

said them are go dis who
said them are go dis ME?
Shoot him up that man
bad rag we?
 a chat them are chat
yap them are yap
gully side we are action pak
we no coos coos
me nuh wear frock
Gully side we are action pak!
...
I'm ready now
who did I chat
gully side we are action pak
I'm ready NOW
who did I chat
fir right now we are action pak
Anytime them think them can dis me
we make [the world] have fiery RED history
do certain things make them fly up like a frisby
the fire furnace them up and make them black
and left them crispy

you ought to watch that... temper... of yours

Tied Down?

So much for my explanations!
i wake up this morning, after trying my best to .. cope... and after an interesting conclusion, and it was only as i was walking down to the library, as I smelt the frsh sea breeze just off the Fish Hoek beach [as opposed to my fumes of anger] that I figured out what the green shoot was, and also just what I ... wanted!

See, I had been thinking about juts getting out of this, and as I slept, I , at first decided I would NOT kill the women, but just focus on the males, and then leave these to die, but certain ... ladies, curently around, I decided I would do somethign extra ... gagainst.Like allison, I thought. No, she had provoked me. The only way I would get satisfaction is if I first of all HAD her[slept with her], and then I could walk away. Same with the contemporary art chick. Fact is, I went on, I would do the same to the RAV-4 woman, and the david matthews chick, as well as that stubborn "I know it all" woman who got me so irritated the other time when I first met her at the fish hoek library-here- with her aggressive posture, her... super legs, (fuck!).I could not just walk away from these, especially as I had ended up being all bothered by some of their antics, especially the contemporary art chick, allison AND the david matthews chick.

It was only when I was comparing my behaviour towards these women with the gfact that I went ballistic against God on a misinterpretation of His ... intent... towards me, and ended up suicidal, and well, on literal "God support" all these years, that I discovered that, well, He was right, to say to me, this morning, or rather quote capleton [ironically called king shanko=> remember gumboy and rumble?] in the lyrics of a song of his

them are live an evil life
them are live a naughty life
them are no live right,
say again

And so, I looked at it all, and figured out that, maybe, i was too, hasty. I mean, think about it, alliosn could be so ... stupid... as to bring her lover/husband into my vicinity and then do the drive-bys,. or show up in places like muizenberg, or at that shop where she pretended to be just walking by, and then give me those looks?
hey, maybe she had an... adjustment problem;- I think it is hard on ANY woman to imagine someone she ... wants... giving i to someone else, but then, I am not so sure than my... temper... is going to get any better with age, and what happens if i just misunderstand somethings she does, because I do not tebnd to ask first, and then act, but vice-versa, and she is ALL I have? She would be dead, that is what.
then the contemporary art chick. I mean, there she was, all sorrowful, and she makes an effort, even after I blast her snetnce her to death for... talking... to some asshole and shows up on a bicycle for crying out loud, and what did I expect her to do? What if she IS separated from the husband, and what if I ought to have thought that maybe if I had a place of my own I could shelter her under my wing, and I would have the pleasure of being sought after by someone to whom,thankfylly, God seems to mean next to nothing? I mean, even God Himself showed her in that light, so, that means it is ME she was panting after,. and I am so...ah, fuck, you see what I mean?

Then comes this woman who also has something she apparently will NOT let go, this I-know-it-all woman with her afrikaans nose and her son, and who makes me wonder why the hell she does not let that kid go? But let us be reasonable, right? She gives up the kid to whom? As at present, until and unless I do something and, well, selfishly exterminate everything that does not matter to me, there is NO way that any of this will ever come to pass, right?
or maybe, the possible mother-daughter combo, which is not, when compared to these other things, something so weird...
I mean, think about it, again.It is NOT so strange for a man to sleep with his stepdaughter, or something like that, it is more common that not, but my point is, I COULD have said i would just sleep with some women and leave the rest untouched, but I am thinking there are women I specifically hate, women that I want to kill, and these, well, i will give free reign to my anger with.
but these five i will not kill. Push comes to shove, i am calling it quits, and then I will seek these out, and get my own back at them and then walk away.
I still have, after all, the dutch girl to get to know, and the canadiam chick is an interesing prospect as well, and let us not forget the german girl.

but, well, I think I have a temper thing, and I am still not sure I will NOT just explode!. It is so... addictie to be angry, I do not know if anyone knows just how much I long to let rip.
but then, I have to ... THINK... about things. Fuck, WHY ME?
I wish...!,

Crazy place

I am in a 'bad place' at the moment!
thing is, I am not sure if it is me that is not getting across, or if I am barking up the wrong tree, because, you see, I ...
well, maybe the best way to say this is to point out something else...
like, I found myself feeling all weird when I wrote that i loved God, because as things stand, I have serious trust issues as far as He is concerned. It... appears... at the moment, that He loves me, and while all the evidence points that way, I will never be satisfied till everything He says comes true, and even then,  whatever is broken inside me will never really get me to ever say  I love God, because I live for the moment,a nd all it takes is just a single instant where He does NOT act as He says for me to regress. And give up on Him.
I am SAYING, there fore, that NO ONE exists that I will ever say I unequivocally accept, and as I see things now, maybe THIS point is NOT getting across, OR I am, as I said, wrong about what I think God is showing me, and so, I am really In a bad place.I was also thinking that I am really NOT interested in people that come into my life and expect me to run after them, or some such thing, you know, the posers who seem to be thinking, "well, the moment you see me you will not be able to help yourself, but run after me"Which is why I have decided to... drop the nicole kidman chick from the ... prospective list, because the... person was absent. I was seeing her at her 'I am irresistible' best, when I would have rather welcomed the approach that the ... I can not find another word... extremely attractive canadian based chick used, like she came out of her shell and well, engaged my interest. But, see, she left, and while technically, in my crazy life, I can not fault her for leaving and carrying on with her life, i am left wondering, these things, like that guys sang, 

do i ever cross your mindanytime?

Because i wonder if I, ME, I actually matter, or if these people that are actually reading my posts are out to exploit what they see as my weaknesses, like they actually think they can think, reason (and take advantage) better than me>Well, my time is here, and I am going to take my time, as soon as this thing is sorted out, I will deal with those fools that had the insouciance to actually push their silly asses in my face!

I have never gone into anyone's life to try and influence them into my way of life, yet all you assholes never ever hesitated to walk all over me to get me to start ... thinking... the way you wanted. Well, you will reap what you sow.
if it was all left to me, i would NOT have any woman that actuallyread my posts, beforehand, because these people are really tainted, as far as i am concerned, because the trustworthiness of their actions is very suspect.I guess the inability to ever give anyone any 'benefit of the doubt' EVER is what God meant in the prophecy about the green shoot, you know, the tree that has no hard bark', and thus can be easily scratched and water come out. I am definitely NOT liking this moment,a nd I find myself sliding almost irrevocably into terminal anger, and by that I mean that for teh FIRST time ever the anger will be focused 100% on others, and not on myself. I can NOT be always a... mistake, but must acknowledge the evidence of my own senses.
And as far as I am concerned, the only people i can trust, in as far as i can acknowledge that god has a lot to lose to lie to me, since He appears at all times to actually value His word, and that not only with me, but with every act of His, so i will probably have to trust His take on these people, these 21 women, and a girl that at the moment have NO idea what i am writing, ebcause I do not have to deal with  their inflated egos at the same moment. To them i am just an interesting, irresistible person, and to me they are people that God says I can trust, and since He will never break His word, I will be more likely to take these ones without having to worry too much, but these others... ha, I am not sure how much longer i can take this!
God, I can not keep this up.
NO. I want to wrap things up, and stop this madness.
or rather start!

YESSS

let me see every light
 inna de air
from your born bad
say bravery,
bravery we bad
we crazy
Big badness turn up
when time the alien them
them step out
90's  they no bad like we
what them talking about?

badda dun dem
badda dun dem
them so pussy boy
make me gunna down dem
came out and view
say me buffer make them
and me boy are make escape
badda burn dey
 the man them are shout
shoot only son
open the gun
make the demons them come out

  

Your... DESTINY

I think I once mentioned at one time that while at THS high school, I found myself asking whether God loved me, and when I came back I found out that I had won the national monthly competition sponsored by the country's leading university, and  that on hearing the news, everyone of my classmates stood up and clapped, and I felt so... lonely... because all this was just a fraud, the people were such as i could not stand and who probably could not stand me as well
maybe THAT is what tipped the scales and made me believe God was interested in using me, in exposing me to the public and having me in the public eye as He carried out His ... mission... that He had determined on.
BUT, as i am NOT tired of saying, because it happened and I found myself looking at God and ven the most 'obvious' of His deeds with profound respect, I have discovered that He is unrepentately on MY side, that He cares for what I care about so intensely that he takes everything I want and makes it His own, and gets involved and will not let me ... rest... nor Himself rest, till he has achieved everythign to my total satisfaction.
like with His promise of 'ten million dollars to build that thing' and my meeting the tenth woman, the seventh blonde, and finding out that she herself, who I did not even talk to, STILL, after all this time, looks at me as if ... ah! I love God, really.
Anyway, if she has kept herself purely for me, and thus has NOT even looked at me the same way that some of these stupid white people have, like i am an entertaining person but not to be  taken as a man, since i am black, and thus it is OK for them, such as i mentioned yesterday, to try to cosy up to me while, of course knowing that as long as i am still down they do not have to commit in any way to being exclusive;... well, if she has NOT done that, something I have utmost confidence in God about, then the race thing is NOT even in question, and so, i do NOT have to do anything about proving our background. So, I can take it that twenty women have kept themselves exclusively for me, and well, if one looks at the vision of my... head... the other five did not count, of the fifteen, because they are either NOT 'here' or they are not clear.
i have rejected all those here, and am at the moment pondering the only one left, and, well,to cut a long story short, I do NOT have to later on ... tolerate... any other personk, because

I never did like and I never will love fans

OR, as the song by TOK goes
[callum girls]
(verse 2, after chorus)
big up all the girls cause of them we have the fans
party are the girls I get ten out of ten
step up step us say me trusted me fan
TOK are tell you wanna girl who are gem

POINT is, I am going to have to throw everything else down the rubbish bin meaning that you all are about to... die... since I want to be busy now, to deal with

my boyhood dream, and, since i want the real fans, and not the osc type, and i already have these, I do NOT have to tolerate all you assholes at all.

After all, God did NOT say that He would have "great and dreadful DAYS" but rather The Great and Dreadful Day, where He smites the earth with a curse, should 'elijah' [name meaning "God IS"] NOT turn the hearts of the fathers to the children or the hearts of the children to the fathers.

However, there is something that is... rather... curious here, because when i brought it up this morning with God, since I do not know what goes on in people's minds and do not know whether what I am thinking actually ... eh... CAN happen, I mean, with no backfire to myself, or residual bitterness involved in it, I got a rather strange, thought provoking response.
now, the thing is, I am rather smitten with the RAV-4 woman, and the significant thing about THAT is that she chose to share what she herself was eating, not because she was full, but because, I assume, she was aware of me as a person, like her, with pangs like her.
NOW, there is this ... vision... where i am looking at this woman who is my sister, but with pink make-up or eye-shadow [ha i met someone with that kind of scary mascara, butt-head's mom!] and i am going, "no one will believe THIS", as i throw, like a magician, a  green plant that had till then been invisible, into glowing coals, and the thing bursts into flame, and  the fire i had wanted comes out, and his woman, my sister, who was lying on a narrow bench in  a round hut in my grandfather's compund, stands up, exposes a mini skirt [has to do, i found out, with motherhood] and she walks and satnds by my aunt, and waits as my aunt, like i mentioned before, briefly,  looks at something in front of her and about waist level, and with her daughter to her right, but them both facing me, and then she says, with a straight-lip like the white people have[ we black people have rather thick lips] "Conclusion?", and then starts talking to her daughter rapidly, and i do not listen, to what she says, because i am watching the daughter who is leaning towards the mother, with her upper body, but her hips are sort of outthrust towards the ... screen, and then the mother convinces the daughter to 'accept friend request' like on face book, and she holds out a hand, at waist level, towards me.
the sexual connotations have not been lost on me, but hell, i am just ... assuming here, because I do not know, but i have been asking myself just who i could NOT afford NOT to have around, and as i said, I pointed out to God that I really, really found the RAV-4 woman extremely attractive, not just for her behaviour towards me, but also because she is sexy, for sure, and I was wondering what to do about it all, when He replied "abisha", and I remembered that abisha had mentioned that he was afraid at times to go see his mother-in-law because at times she seemed to come on to him, and she was, well, quite attractive.
so, I thought about it, and I found myself again connecting the dots, and I am almost certain that the RAV-4 woman IS the mother of the david matthews woman, both of whom i find quite attractive, and, also, i did not mention that the other time when i was in S/Town, and I had been told that i would not leave as i had come, I came upon an article about ashton kushter [heck I do not know how to spell the name!] being involved with his wife's daughter, and then I was told, "vidkun quisling" which may mean the MOTHER, not the daughter has to do the turnabout thing [violet=> violate, anyone!], and so, if THAT is the case then I have two women, three with the dutch girl, and so, maybe, there are five of them, and if so, i will throw in, for the time being, the nicole-kidman look alike, and maybe the english chick.
But I need to KNOW whether I am NOT just some curio! The english chick did say, "does anyone want to carry my stuff for ten bucks" meaning she probabloy thought of the hardships?

Finale

No more walking round
with my head held down
I'm so sick of being blue
hanging over you

Girl I'm so sick of love songs
so tired of tears
so done with wishing
you were still here...hey< i had to come down today from the mountain, OK, but not willingly, because I exist on a day to day basis,amd had to have something to do to earn money, and I walked to vinnie's and sat down, with this other guy who wanted some work done, while vinnie went to have his business sorted out about this break-in at his garage.

That was when i saw the "intelligent" chick come down, and [well, I have been having questions about God "correcting" me with this 'homo sapiens' thing and also about the thing about the girl overlooking me, I mentioned that vision, right?] she was in company of this guy whom was so obviously her beau, and well, looking at that, while I have twenty-one women who are actually literally pining over me, not to mention a girl as well, well, I was cured!
i mean, that was the moment that I found out that I wanted NONE of these five women, well, I am not so sure about the david matthews chick, because i never saw here with someone and she seemed eager to show me that she was married, but I do not know if she ever did anything about it.
but I knew that, finally, I was DONE picking women, now or ever.
when I go to europe, i will remove the countries i do not want, but I will NOT have any more women, I have developed too much self respect for that bullshit!

SOOO, I could explain the meaning of the rest of the visions, but the thing is, I am ready to just unleash the greatest anger you all will ever see, as soon as I am ... certain... that the only person that i seem to have some little regard for, the last puzzle, is solved.
And well, you should all know that usually, as with allison, nicky? , the contemporary art chick, and well, many others, the answer has turned negative...

bravery,bravery
we bad
we crazy
big badness turn up
when time the alien them step out
nineties them nuh bad like we
what them talking about?

badda dun dem
badda dun dem
them so pussy boy
make me gunna down dem
....
open the gun make the demons come out

crazy we bad...

bare

I should be used to this by now, but whenever the load of unhappiness is lifted off me a little, I end up wagging my tongue too much, and today, I watched myself in horror... beside myself, so to speak... as i got entangled with the guys at vinnie's stall concerning the fact that jesus, who was supposed to be the 'representative' of God on earth, did NOT last the 3 days and nights that he said he would be 'in the belly of the earth' according to the sign of jonah that he went on and on about.
Funny thing, I found myself thinking, that I am staying on a mountain, and I am drawing attention to myself when common sense dictates that i should keep my mouth shut and just get on with everything, and just forget trying to provoke people!
but, hey, maybe the funny looks i am getting from some people as I walk by, or the peeks, just to see if i have arrived at vinnie's, are getting to me. I find myself itching for whatever it is that is keeping things from happening, to just happen, so that I can have this nightmare done.
And what the fuck is keeping me from moving on?
Oh, yes, the five women thing!
Oh, boy, I have to deal with THAT, right?
Well, what I do know is that at least the women have to be the ones I actually... like... and here, well, I pretty much have made up my mind, but the telling point will be whether any of them is... hey... crazy enough, to believe me, because THAT is the lithmus test.
And something tells me that I should hold my breath for a long time before I get any result. Or is that just the cynical disillusioned person speaking?
I do not know, I am just bare, with my ass exposed to the wind, at present.
maybe I should get angry!
That would be nice 

I never thought THIS would happen!

As a kid, after my father had decided he had had enough of being bullied by fellow soldiers who had 'won' the war of independence and as such viewd him as a former enemy, we moved to the midlands capital, Gweru,to a high density suburb called "Mambo" [meaning, ironically as it would turn out, "king"] and there i did the remainder of my primary school.The reason I am bringing this up is that it ... just... so happened that at school my teacher asked us what we would want to be when we grew up, and MY reply, funny enough, was that I wanted to be an austronaut. She must have believed me, because she went and fished out a book about austronauts, and the first man in space, and presented it to me;- I said i had a way with ladies! ha ha.
So, I read about yuri gagarin, and saw the pictures of the spacecraft, andwas transported , I guess you could say. So, at grade four or five, my adventure with books blossomed, and till I finished primary school, I never failed to win a prize for a year to get to read and borrow books at the city library, and even when i went to secondary school, since i never had anyone give me money or support for this ... extravagance... called reading, I was always a member of the library. It always just worked out.
But i was never good at math, not then, not even in my final year at secondary school. I aced the languages, the non-technical subjects like geography and such, but I was dismal in the sciences, and bareky scrapped through with  "C" in Physical Science {or Physchem, as it was called, being basically physics and chemistry}. the only reason I even got an "A" in Integrated Science wasthat i was sober enough to realise that if i did not read the day prior to the major paper, i was likely to get a "U", because for four years i had pain absolutely NO attention to the subject, and so I seriously needed to do something, or else i would have one subject I knew I would flunk, badly.
So I spent the night before teh exam going through the etire textbook and just vommited everything out the next day, and promptly forgot the rest immediately i handed in my paper, and got my pass.
My teachers and parents wanted me to pursue a different career to the one I ended up starting on, but by then, God had ... happened, and the mental block i had put on myself, the escapist mentality that I was just going to doodle through life,a nd never bother, had been removed, albeit without me actually being aware of it. So, I cheated, and surprised myself by the fact that i was bold enough to change my grades and put "A" in physical science and switch the true grade with one for some other subject, and no one noticed, and i ended up doing Math, Physics,a nd Chemistry, and surprised myself by being more than competent at it.
there was the day that I was in the school library, and i happened to take out this book on astrophysics, ands something like this caught my eye

Of course, by then, as i said, god had happened, and from my discovery of His ... ego... as i searched the bible to find out just HOW He thought, my first assumption was that He wanted someone to tell the world just Who was responsible for the whole shebang being in place to begin with, and the... burden... was so heavy on me that I started despairing.
And so, ALL these years, my basic assumption has been that God picked on me so that He could use me, as if I had not suffered enough and all He wanted was to have everyone sing His praises.
So, I basically quit on life, and there has been this ... block... between me and Him that nothing has ever shifted, and I have always thought that this would endure to the end;- God using me so that he was found to be the Creator, and me getting nothing out of it, except a life i did not want.
So, before becoming suicidal, having read the bible end-to-end, I decided to... experiment... with cursing Him, and the weird thing is, after roundly cursing Him, and His spirit, and jesus into the bargain, to be sure I would never be... forgiven... just so that he could quit, I, one day, in, I think, 2001, after the final exams in my "A" levels were out and i was witing to go to university, I went to sleep, and woke up later, in the middle of the night, and went outside to vent my anger at Him atb the back of the house by the chicken run. I had barely sat down, and was in the middle of my invective, running on and on with fresh swear words and stuff, when i saw what is arguably the most beautiful sight i have yet seen, and it was right where i was staring at.
Know a star with points, right, kinda like this?

Only that one had TEN points, and it was revolving counter clockwise in a circle, slowly, as the whole thing, with a comet's tail, moved in abut a mere second, from my right to my left.

i was left, for a moment, speechless, because the thing appeared in the night sky, and in a mere instant, vanished again, and it was so beautiful, i tell you, all white, and all so... majestic.
but i immediately picked up my tirade, and went on and on against God, more aware now that i was talking to a deaf Stone, One Who would, regardless of what I thought, carry on with His own plans while ignoring me and anything i said.

Dont know what happened yesterday, but seeing someone that I had last seen in more than a year, and she had this look in her eyes like I was the best thing she had ever seen -yeah, me, right!- and I was all so hopeless about it all, well, it made me re-think the God angle, and i grasped that God, far from even being interested in anything about Him being lifted up in the eys of people, actually is interested in what I had hoped for and wanted and thought I would never have.
I have never thought the bitterness i have harboured for the past 16 years against Him would dissolve, i never thought i would see eye to eye with Him, and actually be at peace with Him, but today I woke up, and I felt different.
I the  have some One that loves me, and, though to many at this time this statement may seem like the jo0ke about the guyb who did not believe in God and went on and on about how He would never do so until the day that he was in a shipwreck and was drowning and then said aloud, "God, if You exist, get me a raft, and i will believe in You", and immediately, a table floated up beside him and he clutched it and got out of the water, and then as soon as he was safer, he said, "Huh, i do not know what God's problem is, He is so eager to be believed in He would do anything, well, I STILL do NOT believe in YOU, so there" to which God replied, "I was not doing it for you, but for him", and the guy turned and saw JAWS with all gleaming teeth intonig a prayer, "Thank You, O God, for the meal that You have prepared for me. Amen"... well... to some people my being at peace with God may seem like the shark thanking God for destroying their lives, but hey, this is MY story, and well, today, I and God are ONE. Cant beat THAT combo.
now, about my future...
And the stars....!