Friday, 14 June 2013
Thursday, 13 June 2013
Today...!
After a strange and weird conclusion to the day yesterday, and an even more unstable night, I had this text to mull over in my ... moments of ... waking-in-sleep.
Now, the day before yesterday, after i had posted on my blogspot, I had an... experience... that made me realise the folly of being ... attached... to any... person.
I had said I would spare sydney pain, and when I went to kalk bay later that day, he had a ... strange request;- now, he is staying somewhere in ocean's view, with rastas there and for free in some commune, and he gathers firewood on the mountain where i ... sleep... and, anyway, he wanted me to get him some of my wire -18 guage- if i had any that, unlike his, was NOT darkened by smoke, so, because the -order that he was working on was, seemingly urgent, though the lady did NOT show up that day nor yesterday- I agreed to break routine and walk up and down the mountain, and I am pretty sure the mountain law-enforcement guys saw me, and the general area where I stay.
yesterday, while I was down, they came and raided everything, and took even my 'new' boots, that I had plans for, and left me with only what I had on me.
NOT that i am complaining, because by some weird twist, I had already decided that I would NOT be staying on the mountain for any long time anymore;- I am fed up with a lot of stuff, and I really just want to get on with life.
Now, I have two choices, and the first one is that i decide to just say to everything, fuck you, and, since, if you did not know by now, you MUST be aware of it; I am REALLY the deciding factor in everything; well, then darkness descends, and I go on a killing spree, and ultimately slay all the people that have pissed me off while my place is being prepared and the twenty-one females are coming my way. Whether we leave later using the US Air force One or using a locally acquired plane is a matter of little importance;- when one has an accelerated learning curve like mine, how difficult can it be to... fly... a plane? i mean, one thing I do NOT want is to carry passengers that will later have to leave, so, once the plane or planes to bring the Dutch girl and the german girl come, I will probably have everything grounded and NO One will be able to come in or get out, because i will later have to clean house.
THAT is my preferred exit route, and well, that means I will probably end up doing things just like that, see?
BUT, there is choice number two, and, well, it speaks to my... libido... as well as my desire for vengeance FIRST, before glory.
This is the kind of night I had;- I lit a fire in another, lower down cave, and braai-ed the two fish I had and ate those with the remainder of the bread i had had to go to F/Hoek to get, and slept fitfully, amazed that I was not only NOT bothered by this change of affairs, and quite glad that the things I had made, the frames and such, were gone and I had no more attachments, to tie me down to the mountain, and realising that there is NO ONE that ought to make me make any concessions, that it has to be MY way or no way at all, that NOBODY really matters at all, except me, and whosoever decides that he/she is sooo relevant that he/she has to have some sway with me will meet the same end that I have reserved for most of the +7,000,000,000 people on the planet;- death, and that ONLY what is useful to me, and serves me, will remain, regardless of family ties or anything that people think matter, because i REALLY do not give a hoot for people's opinions, just obedience, and easy... access.
Anyway, as I slept, and woke, and slept, and was surprised to find that it was only about 2am at one time, and yet i was not as frozen as i should be -talk about literal "essence of survive"; I can withstand anything apparently and no one will ever know - I was surprised to find this text come to me,
"Today, if you will hear my voice, harden not your heart as in the provocation...(and as in the day of temptation in the wilderness)<= my addition [Psalm 95 verse7-8],
and while i, as usual paid it no attention except to put an 'asterisk' to it, I was later surprised this morning, getting up earlier than usual, to meet the inkfish girl, alone, walking to work.
like she had decided NOT to play games with me anymore. I said nothing to her, walked on, and realised THEN why the two women, the one for allison and the one for HER, were necessary;- because I WOULD have later killed her for ever daring to oppose me, when I am NOT and never was, even looking for a woman nor, technically, looking at HER as if she was in anyway appetising.
Which means, apparently, that the five women, six if you consider a... repeat effect that God likes particularly, meaning that ONE of the women will be a... girl, a virgin... will NOT all be women that come from the people michelle associates with.
So, take the three women that have caused my 'kingsize bitterness', and refused to ... obey me [fuck, i had NO idea that the ONE way to really piss me off is to disobey me, THAT starts the worst kind of war anyone can ever expect] and then the Latino chick, and then, probably, the ONE woman that will really upset butt-head as I lick her... pussy... or do whatever with while he waits to die;- his MOTHER, then, of course, i have five women that would have to avail themselves to ME, before I get... drastic, and , of course, to keep from killing nicky?, i get to humble HER by having her daughter as well.
Well, of course, anyone can say, no, and we will proceed with the... thing some other way, the FIRST way, where everything dies anyway, since I am NOT in a negotiating mood!
Today...!
Now, the day before yesterday, after i had posted on my blogspot, I had an... experience... that made me realise the folly of being ... attached... to any... person.
I had said I would spare sydney pain, and when I went to kalk bay later that day, he had a ... strange request;- now, he is staying somewhere in ocean's view, with rastas there and for free in some commune, and he gathers firewood on the mountain where i ... sleep... and, anyway, he wanted me to get him some of my wire -18 guage- if i had any that, unlike his, was NOT darkened by smoke, so, because the -order that he was working on was, seemingly urgent, though the lady did NOT show up that day nor yesterday- I agreed to break routine and walk up and down the mountain, and I am pretty sure the mountain law-enforcement guys saw me, and the general area where I stay.
yesterday, while I was down, they came and raided everything, and took even my 'new' boots, that I had plans for, and left me with only what I had on me.
NOT that i am complaining, because by some weird twist, I had already decided that I would NOT be staying on the mountain for any long time anymore;- I am fed up with a lot of stuff, and I really just want to get on with life.
Now, I have two choices, and the first one is that i decide to just say to everything, fuck you, and, since, if you did not know by now, you MUST be aware of it; I am REALLY the deciding factor in everything; well, then darkness descends, and I go on a killing spree, and ultimately slay all the people that have pissed me off while my place is being prepared and the twenty-one females are coming my way. Whether we leave later using the US Air force One or using a locally acquired plane is a matter of little importance;- when one has an accelerated learning curve like mine, how difficult can it be to... fly... a plane? i mean, one thing I do NOT want is to carry passengers that will later have to leave, so, once the plane or planes to bring the Dutch girl and the german girl come, I will probably have everything grounded and NO One will be able to come in or get out, because i will later have to clean house.
THAT is my preferred exit route, and well, that means I will probably end up doing things just like that, see?
BUT, there is choice number two, and, well, it speaks to my... libido... as well as my desire for vengeance FIRST, before glory.
This is the kind of night I had;- I lit a fire in another, lower down cave, and braai-ed the two fish I had and ate those with the remainder of the bread i had had to go to F/Hoek to get, and slept fitfully, amazed that I was not only NOT bothered by this change of affairs, and quite glad that the things I had made, the frames and such, were gone and I had no more attachments, to tie me down to the mountain, and realising that there is NO ONE that ought to make me make any concessions, that it has to be MY way or no way at all, that NOBODY really matters at all, except me, and whosoever decides that he/she is sooo relevant that he/she has to have some sway with me will meet the same end that I have reserved for most of the +7,000,000,000 people on the planet;- death, and that ONLY what is useful to me, and serves me, will remain, regardless of family ties or anything that people think matter, because i REALLY do not give a hoot for people's opinions, just obedience, and easy... access.
Anyway, as I slept, and woke, and slept, and was surprised to find that it was only about 2am at one time, and yet i was not as frozen as i should be -talk about literal "essence of survive"; I can withstand anything apparently and no one will ever know - I was surprised to find this text come to me,
"Today, if you will hear my voice, harden not your heart as in the provocation...(and as in the day of temptation in the wilderness)<= my addition [Psalm 95 verse7-8],
and while i, as usual paid it no attention except to put an 'asterisk' to it, I was later surprised this morning, getting up earlier than usual, to meet the inkfish girl, alone, walking to work.
like she had decided NOT to play games with me anymore. I said nothing to her, walked on, and realised THEN why the two women, the one for allison and the one for HER, were necessary;- because I WOULD have later killed her for ever daring to oppose me, when I am NOT and never was, even looking for a woman nor, technically, looking at HER as if she was in anyway appetising.
Which means, apparently, that the five women, six if you consider a... repeat effect that God likes particularly, meaning that ONE of the women will be a... girl, a virgin... will NOT all be women that come from the people michelle associates with.
So, take the three women that have caused my 'kingsize bitterness', and refused to ... obey me [fuck, i had NO idea that the ONE way to really piss me off is to disobey me, THAT starts the worst kind of war anyone can ever expect] and then the Latino chick, and then, probably, the ONE woman that will really upset butt-head as I lick her... pussy... or do whatever with while he waits to die;- his MOTHER, then, of course, i have five women that would have to avail themselves to ME, before I get... drastic, and , of course, to keep from killing nicky?, i get to humble HER by having her daughter as well.
Well, of course, anyone can say, no, and we will proceed with the... thing some other way, the FIRST way, where everything dies anyway, since I am NOT in a negotiating mood!
Today...!
Wednesday, 12 June 2013
Apex Predator
I reasoned that he could have given His... Voice... to absolutely anyone, and that it has to be cause=> effect, not premeditation => cause => biased effect;- that is, there must have been a valid REASON that made it absolutely necessary that I have this... protection.
Well, I spoke of my ... pedigree, from my father's grandfather to myself, and the curious lives they led, till 4th generation me's birth, and so, I ... suppose... it would be in my genes, see?
To reject EVERYTHING about life and society's mores, right?
to be totally... isolated... from everything, insular, and ... alone... from birth.
A person FREE to hate everything and everyone regardless of ... bond.
A person UNFIT to... do well according to the form's of the world.
THAT is me.
AND THAT is why I needed protection.
And why I can NOT forgive.
And, of course, God being God, He made the... first man... from the red earth, hence the name, Adam, meaning red, meaning the first woman would not have been the same colour, otherwise that would be rendundant thinking, see?
And, as far as i am concerned, brown -euphemistically known as... black... by the 'better placed'- is much closer to the original brown-red than pink -known also as... white... by the same ... kind.
And, of course, I did not need to have a HELPER made for me, but I have had the helper from the start, and ther has therefore never been any... conflict.
Now, I had another question that I had to have an answer to, and that wa, WTF did the women really see in me, the FIRST ten, that made them REALLY behave so weirdly, because I do not buy the crap of 'lordship' or all that jazz.
Figured out that, since michelle brought it to the fore by her stepping on my toes, these women saw an ANGRY black man.
A PROUD, angry black man, who despise everything about their baseless 'superiority' and blames them for the way the black man- this one in particular- suffers because they are 'above' the black man.
The ten women, make no mistake about it, humbled themselves before me, and the other ten did NOT walk all over me as they so chose, but saw me, sort of, as a stern, unyielding taskmaster-type who tolerated no friendliness or familiarity from anyone, although why they should, some of them, or rather ALL of them, would want to gain my approval, would be beyond me, because that is excatly what they did.
Maybe, then, they DID see something that was NOT... natural. maybe it is the Voice, that they heard that this is the LORD, the apex predator, the one who has the lives-or, more appropriately, the deaths- of all peoples in his hands, and does not give a fuck.
because basing it merely on the natural is... NOT quite getting there.
now, I was speaking of being diappointed, and my post of yesterday went to deviate from what i wanted, really, because, see, I grew up with my eyes open, judging everything, and storing it up, and getting to the point where I would conclude, about any person, that if it had NOT been that, like my mother, who KNEW how to do some good and chose to pretend to others about her... attachment... when she wanted me dead;- she had assumed that I would never have the ... authority... to be above her, scratch that, to be her... superior... she would never have done to me what she did. She despised me, so, fuck, who cares about the family ties, she goes to the deepest part, the hottest part of hell, and there she burns for all eternity, and fuck what jesus said abut the rich man being able to speak to abraham and lazarus in paradise;- there will be no confernces, because people will be busy burning, and too busy weeping to care who their neigbour is. It was that parable that jesus spoke of that made me think that i would still have to ... look after... my family even down there, and i hated it.
Just as, in real life, i hate that french girl that inkfish girl, and she DID read my posts, see, and the other day that we bumped into each other at the junction, and her 'boyfriend' was going to go straight on to avoid me while she turned towards me, she said to him, 'no come with me',a nd I knew that the scheming bitch was ... defying me, and i understood the 'william' allusion, and knew its source.
because ther is a song that goes, 'this is an orange/a nice nice orange/ a sweet sweet orange/ a cent can buy', meaning that I was that cheap
william-of-orange person who would fall easily for any woman and would seek to conquer other stuff.
No need to ask who was so... helpful, right?
About allison I am ambivalent, because i do NOT know whether she is in fact involved with that pull-up-his-trousers-to-the-waist guy, or whther there is an innocent explanation, but I happen to tend towards NOT giving anyone any room to play me for a fool, and I am inclined, both with her and the french girl, to feed them those people, and then, since i have thought about it, and i am leaving no one alive when I do go, since, of course, the POINT to my being...here... at all is to END lives, I am of the opinion that I will probably have to kill her, allison, unless I have proof to the contrary.
Another reason why I am likely NOT to kill her is that the woman who was to replace her, although better looking, was too... relaxed about things, and if it had not been for the Walker texas Ranger vision where she, probably, as i see it, thought that, it being month-end and maybe with the guy paying maintanence for the kids it would not be so, bad to have an outing with him, after all who can see, and then, of course, she disregarded the fact that, 'the eyes of the Ranger are upon her, any wrong she does he is gonna see' and so, I think she decided that sunday to walk the straight and narrow, but THAT, if it is the same MO that allison uses, makes her NO better than allison, although better looking, of course, but heck, I can NOT judge the woman based on another woman who does not act better than her, or did not, thinking i do not see everything. So, maybe, she gets to leave.
But Fuck, living with a woman with facial hair? Hell, no. I would throw up, so that come-to-church woman is outta the picture, and THAT means that all that is left are the S/Town women, and if I consider butt-head's mom, allison?, andthe Latino girl, that leaves two possibles to bring michelle to the dust before i kill her, and among these, three, there is only ONE, the latino woman , that I am really more than 50% sure of, the rest are deceptive.
BUT i can NOT hane dealings with a woman who bares her teeth, the small one with the red cheeks, because I am the quintessential aggressive man, and bared teetth are a sign to start fighting, so, excuse me there.
ANYWAY, all this is likely to be an academic exercise, because I am ready to roll, and fuck, I need to have some of these women under me, literally? What does one have to do for sex in this world.
Oh, and by the way, I WILL have the countries where these women have been ... had... totally destroyed, and who cares if at the same time i destroy hereditary colonial...
'masters'?
Monday, 10 June 2013
Strike Two
Song goes:-
You hear strike one
talk about strike two
wont be a strike three
coz I dont play fair
You hear strike one
talk about strike two
wont be a strike three
coz I dont play fair
For the first time ever, I FULLY empathise with God, because for the first time ever, I am in a position to really see why He said;-
I will never again destroy the earth for the man's sake, because the imagination of man's heart is evil from his youth.
The guy, Noah, saw what was happening with his grandfather, father and all the males choosing to sleep with animals, and loathed it, and when God told Him to build an ark, he agreed, but waited -you can do the math- till five years after his father had passed away to complet a thing that should NOT have taken 100 years to build.
His mentality was that God must first of all deal with the issue of his father, because he probably could NOT afford to carry on and openly rebel against his father unless there was something done about him.
he would obey God, but ONLY if God did NOT have to have him stand up and deal with issues where his father's open contempt could be felt.
he wanted to play it safe.
There, I have to deal with MYSELF a bit, although that is NOT the reason I am... bitter.
I would cheerfully have killed my own father long ago, and he is the reason why I took up fighting to begin with, to protect my mother, till I realised that my mother was even worse than him, because while he was unsure, and I think, regarding my ... third sister... with reason, that we were his kids, although of course anyone seeing me would not doubt that i amflesh of his flesh ;- i may be uglier, but I am a copy of the guy.
And I have no heistation about him dying, no sir, or his wife either, because the world is NOT big enough to house the three of us.
BUT, I will NOT let anyone else poke fingers at them, so, they, and my sisters, and my two female cousins, my nephew Delight, and curiously, the ONLY person that I have no malice against, sydney, will HAVE to die,but NOT go to hell.
Because I have the RIGHT to decide what happens, see?
But, every black person, every coloured person, will have to die, and every woman that I have ever said i would like in my life, (because I can NOT afford to turn my back on anyone) and decided NOT to choose afterwards. Rumble can take care of all that.
And, of course, those I choose to... kill... personally, all go to hell.
And there is NO turning back about THAT!
BUT, this is about MY bitterness, and the fact that there, apparently are NO women worth .... doing things for.
ALL of the twenty women, when I sat back and looked at them, and ... SAW... their needs, filled me with despair,because THEIR minds were crystal clear about what I was ... needed to do.
Take care of THEIR problems, first, and then give them my back so they can walk all over that.
I am actually supposed to go... after them,which is why they did their curious acts and then ... waited for me to re-act, and come after them.
When the point to all this is I am NOT ... the type... to run after anyone.
Over the weekend, my heart was sore, because I realised that what I had seen that other Sunday was actually what it was;- that although the sexy woman, number 18, WAS divorced, she had NOT broken ties with her ex., and the body language of the guy as he walked past, the frustration written all over him (he MUST have been VERY frustrated to give her two kids in such a short time) and the way she had a curiously stiff back as she walked on by, as if to say she was waiting for a dart from me to pierce her back, spoke volumes.
You humans do not know that whatever lie you tell, you always give yourselves away, because you are NOT designed to lie, and while I knew that God would NOT have referred her to me if she was even on... kissing terms with the guy, I found out the grim truth all the same, that no woman is worth the bother, because they always let you down.
every single one of them.
I will never again destroy the earth for the man's sake, because the imagination of man's heart is evil from his youth.
The guy, Noah, saw what was happening with his grandfather, father and all the males choosing to sleep with animals, and loathed it, and when God told Him to build an ark, he agreed, but waited -you can do the math- till five years after his father had passed away to complet a thing that should NOT have taken 100 years to build.
His mentality was that God must first of all deal with the issue of his father, because he probably could NOT afford to carry on and openly rebel against his father unless there was something done about him.
he would obey God, but ONLY if God did NOT have to have him stand up and deal with issues where his father's open contempt could be felt.
he wanted to play it safe.
There, I have to deal with MYSELF a bit, although that is NOT the reason I am... bitter.
I would cheerfully have killed my own father long ago, and he is the reason why I took up fighting to begin with, to protect my mother, till I realised that my mother was even worse than him, because while he was unsure, and I think, regarding my ... third sister... with reason, that we were his kids, although of course anyone seeing me would not doubt that i amflesh of his flesh ;- i may be uglier, but I am a copy of the guy.
And I have no heistation about him dying, no sir, or his wife either, because the world is NOT big enough to house the three of us.
BUT, I will NOT let anyone else poke fingers at them, so, they, and my sisters, and my two female cousins, my nephew Delight, and curiously, the ONLY person that I have no malice against, sydney, will HAVE to die,but NOT go to hell.
Because I have the RIGHT to decide what happens, see?
But, every black person, every coloured person, will have to die, and every woman that I have ever said i would like in my life, (because I can NOT afford to turn my back on anyone) and decided NOT to choose afterwards. Rumble can take care of all that.
And, of course, those I choose to... kill... personally, all go to hell.
And there is NO turning back about THAT!
BUT, this is about MY bitterness, and the fact that there, apparently are NO women worth .... doing things for.
ALL of the twenty women, when I sat back and looked at them, and ... SAW... their needs, filled me with despair,because THEIR minds were crystal clear about what I was ... needed to do.
Take care of THEIR problems, first, and then give them my back so they can walk all over that.
I am actually supposed to go... after them,which is why they did their curious acts and then ... waited for me to re-act, and come after them.
When the point to all this is I am NOT ... the type... to run after anyone.
Over the weekend, my heart was sore, because I realised that what I had seen that other Sunday was actually what it was;- that although the sexy woman, number 18, WAS divorced, she had NOT broken ties with her ex., and the body language of the guy as he walked past, the frustration written all over him (he MUST have been VERY frustrated to give her two kids in such a short time) and the way she had a curiously stiff back as she walked on by, as if to say she was waiting for a dart from me to pierce her back, spoke volumes.
You humans do not know that whatever lie you tell, you always give yourselves away, because you are NOT designed to lie, and while I knew that God would NOT have referred her to me if she was even on... kissing terms with the guy, I found out the grim truth all the same, that no woman is worth the bother, because they always let you down.
every single one of them.
Which makes me think that I would rather have ... women that are easy to have, and this is where the 'terms and conditions apply';- I am willing to let people remain alive in RSA, even those of their kids who are NOT among those I have put on my 'death list' [either because they are femnales I salivated over or because they pissed me off] and leave everyone else alive who is a stranger to me and does not know me, if of course those women who are... interested and gave out the... subtle signals, will come out.
Like, for exaple, I have had to... think... that allison came out, plenty of times, and even did that driving-by thing when I last was in S/Town, and to then assume that she was... involved... with the guy she showed up with, waited till i walked into the library before walking with him to the ID place (the reason why I saw her at all was that i turned at the entrance and saw her walking off, and glancing at her watch, with the guy with her, and then showed up near me, and I gave her a baleful stare, and shge walked off, and I walked to the toilet to wash my face, in disbelief at her audacity;- well, maybe she assumed I was running after her, and then came back with the guy, and they were all over each other, and I wanted to strangle her.
The ONLY reason i am even looking at her at all is that, seeing that God seems to homour me above everything else, I HAD asked Him not to let me be humiliated, and if they are involved, then He would not have shown Himself as ... serious as He says, so...
Then there is butt-head's mom. If she was so... totally engrossed with her kids, she wouldNOT have been after me, but it appears she wanted me to ... take care of her kids, and then free her, but it is NOIT going to be that way. Her offspring are all dead
And she herself also if I have to leave her alive.
And the Latino chick,who showed up on Wednesday and tied her dog to a tree conspicuously in Kalk Bay.
And the ... diffident come-to-st-peters woman, who I passed -with her daughter? a few moments ago as they waylaid me at the beach. Well, both are welcome, if the one is NOt yet a woman.
And the inkfish French girl, who gave me a hint that she was NOt with the guy by taking off her glasses.
Of course, I CAN change and just kill off everyone anyway. I am ticking like a time bomb, and there wont be strike three!
I do NOT play fair
Like, for exaple, I have had to... think... that allison came out, plenty of times, and even did that driving-by thing when I last was in S/Town, and to then assume that she was... involved... with the guy she showed up with, waited till i walked into the library before walking with him to the ID place (the reason why I saw her at all was that i turned at the entrance and saw her walking off, and glancing at her watch, with the guy with her, and then showed up near me, and I gave her a baleful stare, and shge walked off, and I walked to the toilet to wash my face, in disbelief at her audacity;- well, maybe she assumed I was running after her, and then came back with the guy, and they were all over each other, and I wanted to strangle her.
The ONLY reason i am even looking at her at all is that, seeing that God seems to homour me above everything else, I HAD asked Him not to let me be humiliated, and if they are involved, then He would not have shown Himself as ... serious as He says, so...
Then there is butt-head's mom. If she was so... totally engrossed with her kids, she wouldNOT have been after me, but it appears she wanted me to ... take care of her kids, and then free her, but it is NOIT going to be that way. Her offspring are all dead
And she herself also if I have to leave her alive.
And the Latino chick,who showed up on Wednesday and tied her dog to a tree conspicuously in Kalk Bay.
And the ... diffident come-to-st-peters woman, who I passed -with her daughter? a few moments ago as they waylaid me at the beach. Well, both are welcome, if the one is NOt yet a woman.
And the inkfish French girl, who gave me a hint that she was NOt with the guy by taking off her glasses.
Of course, I CAN change and just kill off everyone anyway. I am ticking like a time bomb, and there wont be strike three!
I do NOT play fair
Black Man HIStory
I was getting a bit... held back, for a while, by the statement that preceds the last HUD that I told you God spoke about; the one where YHWH says "SIT at My right hand..." because, you see, it paralyses one to be made, by God, to be inactive, till He decides the time has come for... one to act.
I tried it for one night, and found I couldn't hack it, and when I woke up the folowing morning, determined to get my claws into the assholes in S/Town even if it turned back to bite me, even if I would be exposed, I got as far as F/Hoek, before the soft Voice repeating over and over the words of Sean Paul's We Change the Game lyrics ... overcame me, because of course
I tried it for one night, and found I couldn't hack it, and when I woke up the folowing morning, determined to get my claws into the assholes in S/Town even if it turned back to bite me, even if I would be exposed, I got as far as F/Hoek, before the soft Voice repeating over and over the words of Sean Paul's We Change the Game lyrics ... overcame me, because of course
none stop we driving this train
yo we hit with the over-ride we nuh backslide
So, I did not go there, but I sat, and made some stuff, and sold stuff, and then, around two p.m, went into Pick-n-Pay, bought some food, and started on my way back, and saw the Kalk Bay Inkfish 'french chick' walking around in F/Hoek, and foundmyself feeling more and more hopeless.
Which is when I started my monologue with God, and you know, when The Almighty hears you speak about your ... problem, and how you are saying that, basically, Him in charge is part of the problem, because unless He decides that He will wipe off everyone's memory or start again with fresh people, there there is NO way that I am going to be able to ever hold my head up high unless He takes His hands off and does the unthinkable, really, of letting me have ALL the power and the ability, even the unnatural, because if He doesn't I will be forever a cipher, someone everyone knows will always have God's lap to cry on, and no one will havce any reespect for me, at all;- and SO, when one says those things, and hears The Almighty say that He cares for ... one... and He ... understands, then, one's perspective is... changed
Which is when I started my monologue with God, and you know, when The Almighty hears you speak about your ... problem, and how you are saying that, basically, Him in charge is part of the problem, because unless He decides that He will wipe off everyone's memory or start again with fresh people, there there is NO way that I am going to be able to ever hold my head up high unless He takes His hands off and does the unthinkable, really, of letting me have ALL the power and the ability, even the unnatural, because if He doesn't I will be forever a cipher, someone everyone knows will always have God's lap to cry on, and no one will havce any reespect for me, at all;- and SO, when one says those things, and hears The Almighty say that He cares for ... one... and He ... understands, then, one's perspective is... changed
Because it was only THEN that I realised that He HAD already decided that ALL authority WOULD be given into my hands, which is why He , from the beginning, gave me the.. VOICE, whom I will call Rumble, and why He has never distingusihed Himself from me,but, like with the last statement, He seems to... hide... with me, so that the statement that should have said, "I have sworn and will Not repent..." just went "has sworn and will not repent" as if He is chary of ... intruding on my personal space, and drawing attention to Himself, and WHY, for the same reason He NEVER gives a direct order, but suggestions.
Basically, therefore, when I do move, He will not be noticeable, and He will be of, as He pointed out, thin violence.
BUT, that be not the really juicy news, the juicy news be this, that there are twenty... women, already, and He, canny as He is, waited till there WERE twenty, before He made me aware of how we are... the same.
Because there was this day that I said I would wait till the following day for a change from the osc, namely from butt-head's mom, before I acted, and well, I did NOT have to wait. I thinbk it was last wednesday, and the funny thing was that, just as with the German girl Verana, God had shown me previoulsy a 'flash image' of a person I knew [in the case of the german girl it was a girl I used to get on the train with when I was staying in Claremont, and she is a student at Fish-hoek high, and well, her face is not the sort to draw admiring looks, but when I ignored her, and then cncentrated on just living my life, I was later to see the real person that He meant, and while she did not ... look spicy at all, she at least had unquestionable interest in me, AND she got me to draw back from butt-head's mom, and leave S/Town] in this case a woman I meet at the library, who has as much sex appeal as a load of rocks would have, and the following day, on Monday, and it was raining, and I was late to the library, I saw the woman, and again judt put the thing into the back of my mind, but went on high alert;- well, I was later to see just who He had meant, even though it took me some time to grasp that THIS was the last of the ... palace... women, who ... 'dwelt in darkness'; and this is how it happened:
Wewdnesday, I wenbt to the library, gave my ultimatum, and then went to the beach where I started making some stuff while displaying some,and this chick, with a bland face, nothing noticeable about it, came past me from the Sunny Cove side of Jager's walk and as she went past,m flashed the most friendliest smile I have ever seen, direct at me, and I, not getting the sense, asked her if she would like to buy something from me, and she said, in a warm, friendly voice, that she saw that the pieces were nice but was maybe some other day, thanks, and it was when she passed that I gave thought to her... posterior, and man, she looked good from the back.
AND she was a... negative... of the ONLY girl I have ever stayed with and never laid a hand on, although in a positive sense, her being whiyte while the other girl, who went, in RSA by the name, Faith, while her given, original, name was, when translated, Peace, or... Quiet, and I think that the REASON why I never laid a hand on her was that she came to me on hewr own, of her own volition, when I was staying in the drug-dealer's flat, and she stayed in the flat under me.
And it was seeing this chick that began to answer the one question I have had about women, like how I would be able to keep myself from doing them harm, and the answer is, if they decide to come to me themselves, without any co-ercion from me.
Anyway, I lost interest in ... business after seeing the woman walk past, and so,after concluding that she had gone to the restaurant nearby, I walked over, and past, intent on seeing if this woman, good-looking as she was, was indeed, free.
And there she was, on a bench outside the restaurant , with a coffee cup before her, and as I passed she seemed intent on a spot somewhere on the table, and I looked at her hands and so no trace of... possession. She had no ring.
Basically, therefore, when I do move, He will not be noticeable, and He will be of, as He pointed out, thin violence.
BUT, that be not the really juicy news, the juicy news be this, that there are twenty... women, already, and He, canny as He is, waited till there WERE twenty, before He made me aware of how we are... the same.
Because there was this day that I said I would wait till the following day for a change from the osc, namely from butt-head's mom, before I acted, and well, I did NOT have to wait. I thinbk it was last wednesday, and the funny thing was that, just as with the German girl Verana, God had shown me previoulsy a 'flash image' of a person I knew [in the case of the german girl it was a girl I used to get on the train with when I was staying in Claremont, and she is a student at Fish-hoek high, and well, her face is not the sort to draw admiring looks, but when I ignored her, and then cncentrated on just living my life, I was later to see the real person that He meant, and while she did not ... look spicy at all, she at least had unquestionable interest in me, AND she got me to draw back from butt-head's mom, and leave S/Town] in this case a woman I meet at the library, who has as much sex appeal as a load of rocks would have, and the following day, on Monday, and it was raining, and I was late to the library, I saw the woman, and again judt put the thing into the back of my mind, but went on high alert;- well, I was later to see just who He had meant, even though it took me some time to grasp that THIS was the last of the ... palace... women, who ... 'dwelt in darkness'; and this is how it happened:
Wewdnesday, I wenbt to the library, gave my ultimatum, and then went to the beach where I started making some stuff while displaying some,and this chick, with a bland face, nothing noticeable about it, came past me from the Sunny Cove side of Jager's walk and as she went past,m flashed the most friendliest smile I have ever seen, direct at me, and I, not getting the sense, asked her if she would like to buy something from me, and she said, in a warm, friendly voice, that she saw that the pieces were nice but was maybe some other day, thanks, and it was when she passed that I gave thought to her... posterior, and man, she looked good from the back.
AND she was a... negative... of the ONLY girl I have ever stayed with and never laid a hand on, although in a positive sense, her being whiyte while the other girl, who went, in RSA by the name, Faith, while her given, original, name was, when translated, Peace, or... Quiet, and I think that the REASON why I never laid a hand on her was that she came to me on hewr own, of her own volition, when I was staying in the drug-dealer's flat, and she stayed in the flat under me.
And it was seeing this chick that began to answer the one question I have had about women, like how I would be able to keep myself from doing them harm, and the answer is, if they decide to come to me themselves, without any co-ercion from me.
Anyway, I lost interest in ... business after seeing the woman walk past, and so,after concluding that she had gone to the restaurant nearby, I walked over, and past, intent on seeing if this woman, good-looking as she was, was indeed, free.
And there she was, on a bench outside the restaurant , with a coffee cup before her, and as I passed she seemed intent on a spot somewhere on the table, and I looked at her hands and so no trace of... possession. She had no ring.
I walked past, and it took me till yesterday to figure that my wome were complete, and that these would respond when I called.
So, now it is time to issue THE ultimatum;-
to the five of the osc that I.. picked, and THIS time it is valid for 24 hours after I post this.
to nicky? who to me is not, like butt-head's mom, someone I link with butt-head, but with michelle, as her FRIEND, well, she has 24hrs to come out, with her daughter, and find me a place where we can be alone but in view of the osc, and then after her, a day later the latino and the girl with the red cheeks will come, and then after THAT the two remaining sisters.
OR, I come out, and when I MOVE this time, there will be DARKNESS, and people will die, because it is MY decision as to when things will occur.
OR, of course, you can all attempt your own solutions.
BUT I assure you all, I AM going to kill people.
THIS is MY story
So, now it is time to issue THE ultimatum;-
to the five of the osc that I.. picked, and THIS time it is valid for 24 hours after I post this.
to nicky? who to me is not, like butt-head's mom, someone I link with butt-head, but with michelle, as her FRIEND, well, she has 24hrs to come out, with her daughter, and find me a place where we can be alone but in view of the osc, and then after her, a day later the latino and the girl with the red cheeks will come, and then after THAT the two remaining sisters.
OR, I come out, and when I MOVE this time, there will be DARKNESS, and people will die, because it is MY decision as to when things will occur.
OR, of course, you can all attempt your own solutions.
BUT I assure you all, I AM going to kill people.
THIS is MY story
Saturday, 8 June 2013
BIG IRON
The fact that NOTHING so far has happened should NOT be put to my being an impostor, but rather to the fact that two things happened, and caused me to ... hold back.
The first thing was that, as I was sitting on the pavement in the main road in Kalk Bay with Sydney, who esle should drive past smirking but faggot-face, and I noted that; and part of his car's licence plate.
The second thing was that I later went up the mountain, and I just HAD to go to the top, and figure out how I felt about things happening with the osc just sitting there, watching, and when I was there, I decided that, regardless of whatever else came after, the FIRST thing was that I should deal with these fools, and if necessary that I expose myself before anything else has validated my...claim to supremacy, I WILL do so.
There is absolutely NO way I am going to let michelle continue in hiding and do what she expected me to do when she showed up and told me to 'go home', which is, to react to justify her claim that i am merely lazy or a failure.
I set out to humiliate the bitch, especially after I worked out that she was trying to set me up so that i could be the fall guy for her ... crossing over... to me because I am, see, a poor, despicable man who would , like with my mother, have no real say in which way my life would go. I was supposed to run after her, see?, and be seen by her friends and colleagues to be running after her, and this was really in keeping with the holy spirit's ploy to get me embroiled with a woman, and she, of course HAD to be, like me HIV +ve, because he had figured out all angles, or so he thought, because the ONLY way, it appeared to him, that I would ever rise and do anything was if there was some other ... female... [judging from past experience] who would get me off my ass.
So, she was perfect for the role, and the reason it did NOT work was that he did not figure out ALL angles, because, frankly, the ONLY person who could ever, and can ever READ my mind is God, and my mind is closed off to everyone else, so that none of you can ever predict which way i will go, in anything.
SO, FIRST, I will humble the bitch. THAT is immutable. THAT WILL happen.
And, I am going to make sure that before anything else, I will take on the osc members, and this I promise you faggot-face;- I am going to beat you up, and break none of your bones, so that i make you into a pulp, a shivering wreck, without having to render you incapable, because I want there to be soundness in your bones when I strip you naked, cut of your dick, make you eat it, and then use a red-hot poker so that i can certainly christen you 'faggot-stina', and then, i will leave you alive till God does the garbage disposal. OR kill you later, who cares?
Because God said something, and HUD'ed it at the same time, (after I had come down, that is) when I , on top of the mountain, told him, hey, no way, everything else waits till I deal with those fools;
The first thing was that, as I was sitting on the pavement in the main road in Kalk Bay with Sydney, who esle should drive past smirking but faggot-face, and I noted that; and part of his car's licence plate.
The second thing was that I later went up the mountain, and I just HAD to go to the top, and figure out how I felt about things happening with the osc just sitting there, watching, and when I was there, I decided that, regardless of whatever else came after, the FIRST thing was that I should deal with these fools, and if necessary that I expose myself before anything else has validated my...claim to supremacy, I WILL do so.
There is absolutely NO way I am going to let michelle continue in hiding and do what she expected me to do when she showed up and told me to 'go home', which is, to react to justify her claim that i am merely lazy or a failure.
I set out to humiliate the bitch, especially after I worked out that she was trying to set me up so that i could be the fall guy for her ... crossing over... to me because I am, see, a poor, despicable man who would , like with my mother, have no real say in which way my life would go. I was supposed to run after her, see?, and be seen by her friends and colleagues to be running after her, and this was really in keeping with the holy spirit's ploy to get me embroiled with a woman, and she, of course HAD to be, like me HIV +ve, because he had figured out all angles, or so he thought, because the ONLY way, it appeared to him, that I would ever rise and do anything was if there was some other ... female... [judging from past experience] who would get me off my ass.
So, she was perfect for the role, and the reason it did NOT work was that he did not figure out ALL angles, because, frankly, the ONLY person who could ever, and can ever READ my mind is God, and my mind is closed off to everyone else, so that none of you can ever predict which way i will go, in anything.
SO, FIRST, I will humble the bitch. THAT is immutable. THAT WILL happen.
And, I am going to make sure that before anything else, I will take on the osc members, and this I promise you faggot-face;- I am going to beat you up, and break none of your bones, so that i make you into a pulp, a shivering wreck, without having to render you incapable, because I want there to be soundness in your bones when I strip you naked, cut of your dick, make you eat it, and then use a red-hot poker so that i can certainly christen you 'faggot-stina', and then, i will leave you alive till God does the garbage disposal. OR kill you later, who cares?
Because God said something, and HUD'ed it at the same time, (after I had come down, that is) when I , on top of the mountain, told him, hey, no way, everything else waits till I deal with those fools;
has sworn and will not repent
And, of course, everyone willbe familiar with the psalm 110, which your christ appropriated for himself, from where this quoye is taken, and that it begins with;-
YHWH said to my lord 'Sit at MY right hand till i make your enemies your footstool',
before He later says that He has sworn and will not change his mind about the... lord.... being a priest forever after the order of melchizedek, meaning, if one deals with the HUD statement, that the ONLY reason God will NOT change His mind is that He has no reason to do so, that the ... lord... is in everyway acceptable to Him, in ALL his actions.
YHWH said to my lord 'Sit at MY right hand till i make your enemies your footstool',
before He later says that He has sworn and will not change his mind about the... lord.... being a priest forever after the order of melchizedek, meaning, if one deals with the HUD statement, that the ONLY reason God will NOT change His mind is that He has no reason to do so, that the ... lord... is in everyway acceptable to Him, in ALL his actions.
But, of course, one will think that God saying that the lord should ... sit... at his right hand means he must be incapable, when in effect, it MEANS that God is saying, since the right hand is the hand of power; 'Do NOT allow Me to do ANYTHING till your enemies are beneath you', so, till I have everyone of the osc beneath my feet, NOTHING happens, not at all.
And I am still going to have to kill michelle afterwards, after i have figured out what possible... torture... I can put her through.
As for butt-head, who, together with michelle, wanted me to be 'sent home' because I am an illegal, well, there is a song, and it is by englebert humperdnick, the an old western, called Big Iron, and it has these lyrics, which you will find suitably... apt, when you think that I am a wanderer who is NOT lost, like Tolkien's Ranger Aragorn, who was waiting for a crown;
As for butt-head, who, together with michelle, wanted me to be 'sent home' because I am an illegal, well, there is a song, and it is by englebert humperdnick, the an old western, called Big Iron, and it has these lyrics, which you will find suitably... apt, when you think that I am a wanderer who is NOT lost, like Tolkien's Ranger Aragorn, who was waiting for a crown;
when he tried to match the Ranger
with the Big iron on his hip...
with the Big iron on his hip...
And, of course, the Big Iron was the texas Ranger's sidearm, but for me, the Iron on my hip, is pure unbend-ability, I do NOT bow down to anyone, and I go where I want to go, and do as i see fit
I am THE champion
with all the pre-requisites, and, well, it is extreme folly for anyone to .... assume... that I will actually, any day, any time, negotiate terms and conditions with that person, over anything. I will have MY way, and have things happens as I see fit, OR whoever disagrees or stands in my way will perish, and by a way that i think suitable, regardless of how, seemingly... right... the person may have been.
I will remove the ground from under the person, just as i determined that, for wanting to make me be restrained in my movements, I will break butt-head's legs, then so shall it be, and THEN I will kill him.
And will suffer none that mocks me to remain alive.
SO, before God's Right hand is freed, these assholes at the osc will have to be dealt with, and humbled, and then He can do the Universl slaughter of the undesirables in the vicinity, before I sit at His right hand again, and wander around looking for more trouble.
Now, if anyone wanted to see what god meant when He said, "Government thor, cape Flats", then THIS is it. NOW you will all know just exactly WHO You are gouing to be facing, you Cape TOWN FOOLS!
And will suffer none that mocks me to remain alive.
SO, before God's Right hand is freed, these assholes at the osc will have to be dealt with, and humbled, and then He can do the Universl slaughter of the undesirables in the vicinity, before I sit at His right hand again, and wander around looking for more trouble.
Now, if anyone wanted to see what god meant when He said, "Government thor, cape Flats", then THIS is it. NOW you will all know just exactly WHO You are gouing to be facing, you Cape TOWN FOOLS!
Friday, 7 June 2013
Why NOT?
Apparently there is going to be a strike here at Fish hoek, so I may have to be brief, but hey, I figured, why NOT enjoy things a little when I owe no-one anything?
God's coming into my life and assuming responsibility for it has freed me from being responsible, so i can freely say what I want, expect it, and put His promises to the test, yes?
I WILL have every black person dead by tomorrow, and will leave alive only THOSE black people tyhat I MUST personally destroy, because they pissed me off and I had NO chance to do anything about it, since, the 'world opinion' was in their favour, and NO way am i then going to wait at the parliament houses for the women to come to me; they will go on their own, but i will be busy hunting down the rest of the non-black people that I have set my sights on destroying, like the osc and stuff.
I was worrying, these past few months, about food, when i can NOT die, and that is a bit like Achmed the dead terrorist worrying about catching flu, becuase i mean, fuck, whatever happens, I WILL prevail, and come through it without a scratch, so, fuck, i do not care if I have to starve till the assholes in the cape town house decide to quit, or whatever, but I will NOT worry about it anymore, since there is nothing that will ever really pull me down.
So, FIRST, I kill, and anyway, the good news is, I have a voice which calls those tghat are necessary for me to get my ... wounds... soothed, and so, these strangers will make up for any women tat have psissed me off, but i am NOT saying that I will not kill those that have showed up in my path and messed me up, even if they have no ... replacements. I WILL do as I feel like. I was wondering how I would kill people like... allison... who have never actually TALKED to me, and then i figured out that when i left home, Ijst decided I would leave; the details would take care of themselves, and so, they did. I do NOT have to plan, my... carrier... will see to it that my... decisions ... come to pass, yes? YESSSSS!
besides, I had a revelation yesterday;- I , who had tentatively decided to have no flesh as food anymore[ since God said that one must not eat anything with blood, to Noah], decided to eat fish yesterday, and when I gutted the two i had, nad then devourd them even before they were fully cooked, I realised the simple truth of God's "No Remorse" observation:- I REALLY do not care about the effect of my decisions, and I have NO conscience, and NEVER back down, never give in and will carry on as I see fit, so, fuck, why worry?
Then, of course, there is the thing that actually tickles me a lot:- God has made it so that i have NO responsibilities, so i do NOT have to do according to any law, and convention, any creed or any stereotype;- I am actually thinking that before i leave, and have every remaining person in the whole of the Southern Hemisphere that is not with me as i leave dead, roasted and such, so that future trees will grow that have no need for animal fertilisation [since I really hate the 'sex' part of animals, and so will not have any animals remain by the end of my ... alloted... time, whether big or small] thre must be a host of martial arts 'masters' that I take on and kill;- If I AM the best, then the proof of the pudding is in the eating, yes? Well, so be it! I will be hunting the people down while the women come and wait for me at the Parliament House, whit food and clothing provided courtesy of the Western cape government, since i would regard it as insulting that ANY woman would come to me with her clothing bought by some, or for some, boyfriend or lover, and since i would hate to see them in the revealing outfits that they had when they first showed up. i want to ... undress them, so they better wear clothing that does not make it obvious what is there even before I get anywhere with them, since i hate having to be... directed... as to where to look, but like to choose for myself.
As for the... osc, well, I go by, always, the maxim;-
A woman has to be easy to have, sincere and not after some ulterior motive, but me, so, from where I stand, these women were either trying to change the maverick's mind, or trying to show me up as som kind of lunatic, easily swayed to their whims. THEY die, yess! I will SEE to it personally, and fuck what appearances may seem to be, because all this time, when i have been speaking plainly, they have chosen to take whatever i said the way they wanted, interpreteed it their own way and assumed that i actually cared, when in fact all I wanted were people that used to be close to michelle who would turn their backs on her so that I would have... witnesses ... to strengthen my fury against her, because at this momet I am alone against a whole lot of 'evidence' contrary to what i assert; that she is a manipulative scheming bitch who will use anyone and anything for her own ends, and more than that, she is sick, HIV positive, and is she has allowed butt-head between her thighs, manipulative as she is, i would be surprised.
Which reminds me;- I have no need to die, so i will be shoving the sickness out the door, which is why I have no need for sex till ' the crocodile eats the sun', that is, when obama dies and the sun becomes dark, or rather does not shine anymore down here, so that it may warm up my future home. In the meantime, i will be going places, like durban to kill my cousin, everywhere to hunt down the guy who is said to have been left bruce lee's secrets, somewhere here in cape town, where he has a dojo.I would have liked to take on the little dragon himself, but, well, I am a little too late, so, i will settle for whatever is left.
MMMMMHHH I will have some fun, and enjoy my self, yess?
because NOW the clock are strike war, and the God of War is let loose, to inflict mayhem and chaos.
BUT I WILL NOT let any jew live to see my day, hell NO!
Same moment my 'family' dies, then every jew, or half-, or quarter- jew, will die, although i think it is a good idea to leave black people.... nuh.... no black person will remain alive either, exceopt, of course, mr president of the united states, who I want to SEE the person he thought NOT fit for his country take over, and then HE will die, as i continue on a roll, and take over, yesss!
Will the women be true to me that i meet in the NORTH? Well, that is what the Voice is for.
I was thinking about why i rejected that girl with the gap betwen her legs, and the answer is simple;- one day as i walked past, she came out and fixed me with her gaze, from the other side of the road, and while I took note kof her demeanour, some guy, dressed like typical beach guys are, ran past her, and since he was a fit-looking guy and had a winsome smile and all that, she reacted naturally, and gave him a sunny smile, then seemed to recollect her 'assumed' role, and then looked at me, and I KNEW that she was play-acting. So she wasted my time, and took me for a witless fool, and so she dies, the same as all those that have walked my path. ALL of them, yessss!
NOW the end begins, yessss!
God's coming into my life and assuming responsibility for it has freed me from being responsible, so i can freely say what I want, expect it, and put His promises to the test, yes?
I WILL have every black person dead by tomorrow, and will leave alive only THOSE black people tyhat I MUST personally destroy, because they pissed me off and I had NO chance to do anything about it, since, the 'world opinion' was in their favour, and NO way am i then going to wait at the parliament houses for the women to come to me; they will go on their own, but i will be busy hunting down the rest of the non-black people that I have set my sights on destroying, like the osc and stuff.
I was worrying, these past few months, about food, when i can NOT die, and that is a bit like Achmed the dead terrorist worrying about catching flu, becuase i mean, fuck, whatever happens, I WILL prevail, and come through it without a scratch, so, fuck, i do not care if I have to starve till the assholes in the cape town house decide to quit, or whatever, but I will NOT worry about it anymore, since there is nothing that will ever really pull me down.
So, FIRST, I kill, and anyway, the good news is, I have a voice which calls those tghat are necessary for me to get my ... wounds... soothed, and so, these strangers will make up for any women tat have psissed me off, but i am NOT saying that I will not kill those that have showed up in my path and messed me up, even if they have no ... replacements. I WILL do as I feel like. I was wondering how I would kill people like... allison... who have never actually TALKED to me, and then i figured out that when i left home, Ijst decided I would leave; the details would take care of themselves, and so, they did. I do NOT have to plan, my... carrier... will see to it that my... decisions ... come to pass, yes? YESSSSS!
besides, I had a revelation yesterday;- I , who had tentatively decided to have no flesh as food anymore[ since God said that one must not eat anything with blood, to Noah], decided to eat fish yesterday, and when I gutted the two i had, nad then devourd them even before they were fully cooked, I realised the simple truth of God's "No Remorse" observation:- I REALLY do not care about the effect of my decisions, and I have NO conscience, and NEVER back down, never give in and will carry on as I see fit, so, fuck, why worry?
Then, of course, there is the thing that actually tickles me a lot:- God has made it so that i have NO responsibilities, so i do NOT have to do according to any law, and convention, any creed or any stereotype;- I am actually thinking that before i leave, and have every remaining person in the whole of the Southern Hemisphere that is not with me as i leave dead, roasted and such, so that future trees will grow that have no need for animal fertilisation [since I really hate the 'sex' part of animals, and so will not have any animals remain by the end of my ... alloted... time, whether big or small] thre must be a host of martial arts 'masters' that I take on and kill;- If I AM the best, then the proof of the pudding is in the eating, yes? Well, so be it! I will be hunting the people down while the women come and wait for me at the Parliament House, whit food and clothing provided courtesy of the Western cape government, since i would regard it as insulting that ANY woman would come to me with her clothing bought by some, or for some, boyfriend or lover, and since i would hate to see them in the revealing outfits that they had when they first showed up. i want to ... undress them, so they better wear clothing that does not make it obvious what is there even before I get anywhere with them, since i hate having to be... directed... as to where to look, but like to choose for myself.
As for the... osc, well, I go by, always, the maxim;-
A woman has to be easy to have, sincere and not after some ulterior motive, but me, so, from where I stand, these women were either trying to change the maverick's mind, or trying to show me up as som kind of lunatic, easily swayed to their whims. THEY die, yess! I will SEE to it personally, and fuck what appearances may seem to be, because all this time, when i have been speaking plainly, they have chosen to take whatever i said the way they wanted, interpreteed it their own way and assumed that i actually cared, when in fact all I wanted were people that used to be close to michelle who would turn their backs on her so that I would have... witnesses ... to strengthen my fury against her, because at this momet I am alone against a whole lot of 'evidence' contrary to what i assert; that she is a manipulative scheming bitch who will use anyone and anything for her own ends, and more than that, she is sick, HIV positive, and is she has allowed butt-head between her thighs, manipulative as she is, i would be surprised.
Which reminds me;- I have no need to die, so i will be shoving the sickness out the door, which is why I have no need for sex till ' the crocodile eats the sun', that is, when obama dies and the sun becomes dark, or rather does not shine anymore down here, so that it may warm up my future home. In the meantime, i will be going places, like durban to kill my cousin, everywhere to hunt down the guy who is said to have been left bruce lee's secrets, somewhere here in cape town, where he has a dojo.I would have liked to take on the little dragon himself, but, well, I am a little too late, so, i will settle for whatever is left.
MMMMMHHH I will have some fun, and enjoy my self, yess?
because NOW the clock are strike war, and the God of War is let loose, to inflict mayhem and chaos.
BUT I WILL NOT let any jew live to see my day, hell NO!
Same moment my 'family' dies, then every jew, or half-, or quarter- jew, will die, although i think it is a good idea to leave black people.... nuh.... no black person will remain alive either, exceopt, of course, mr president of the united states, who I want to SEE the person he thought NOT fit for his country take over, and then HE will die, as i continue on a roll, and take over, yesss!
Will the women be true to me that i meet in the NORTH? Well, that is what the Voice is for.
I was thinking about why i rejected that girl with the gap betwen her legs, and the answer is simple;- one day as i walked past, she came out and fixed me with her gaze, from the other side of the road, and while I took note kof her demeanour, some guy, dressed like typical beach guys are, ran past her, and since he was a fit-looking guy and had a winsome smile and all that, she reacted naturally, and gave him a sunny smile, then seemed to recollect her 'assumed' role, and then looked at me, and I KNEW that she was play-acting. So she wasted my time, and took me for a witless fool, and so she dies, the same as all those that have walked my path. ALL of them, yessss!
Thursday, 6 June 2013
I am getting there, more and more
I am still a bit ... hesitant... to come out fully, but , let us suppose that, well, I could have everything the way I wanted it; what would I say right now I ... liked?
First, I hate to see all my words go to waste, see?
So, i would rather test my claim of yesterday that I can take on anyone anytime anyday, with or without weapons. Which means, ideally, I would PREFER to beat up and kill people, not only BECAUSE to begin with, everyone is essentially in my way, but also because those who ARE in my way take great pains to show it. So, those who HAVE pissed me off, will die, by my hand, male or female.
On the other hand, I HAVE to say this, that I would blame God for me being... hurt... by people, and there being no... compensation for it, since I, unfortunately, can NOT forget any wrong done to me, but I have , weirdly enough, almost no real recollection of the 'wrongs' I may have done to others.The point there is basically, as i am finding out, that I was BORN a king, and did not have to... become... one; I just had to get to the point where I learn to accept the fact that this world is meant for me to... shape it... the way I want, to have exactly what I think and hope for, because I was like a blank page that people decided to write on, their graffiti and stuff, till I realised I could not lie down and take anymore and STILL function.
WELL, if one takes God's word to ME at face value, then I, technically, am the ONLY right person in the world, and I already have dominion within my grasp, so, why NOT make it into a practical thing and grasp what is offered?
So, I suppose that I am free to kill whosoever and whatsoever displeases me.
Which is a funny thing, there because there ARE already 20 females that... pleased me here, and I was working it out last night and felt quite pleased that I had spotted my error before anyone else did:-
Now, I spoke about 'fifteen seconds to get out of here', and said there were ALREADY nine women other than the original ten to 'build that thing' but , of course, i was... wrong, because among the nine is a ... virgin, a first, not a second[which fact, frankly leaves me with a bit of... unease, because i have rather large endowments and I am NOT keen on giving out pain - not that I care, but, well, if a person evinces pain i tend to want to take advantage; the bunched-fist-way, so I do NOT know just what God is up to there, but I suppose there will be found a way round that, I guess], which would mean I was wrong, see, about the ...women.
But i was not, see, because the days I left S/Town, I used to wake up, g down to F/Hoek beach, and then after a bit of a wash, go to the library, and THEN go see charles, and it was in one of these days that I saw this ... interesting chick. She was walking towards me as i came down from what used to be a train station, see, and she had this red shawl-like thing wrapped around her upper body, and her lower body was basically bare. I WANTED to look, because something was prickling at my senses, but then I thought, she is white, i would get dirty looks, and almost certainly be insulted for seeking to be above my station in her eyes, so i just passed by;- it was , like everything with me, a momentary whim, see?
[unfortunately, it is THESE whims that God uses to get me to look at myself more, did He not say He was 'starting with the man in the mirror'?]
Anyway, I walk rather slowly for most people, and so i was not particularly surprised that the girl, who had short hair, and was rather slim, should walk past me again. What surprised me was that she walked right UNDER my elbow, not quite touching me but almost as if demanding attention, and I looked, especially at the place i WOULD have looked had i been given the 'go-ahead' by her to look the first time as she faced me.
She had this very interesting... ass... with the cheeks seeming to be playing tennis or something but never coming into contact as she walked.In other words, she had this... gap between her legs... that made me want, literally to touch her right ... there as she walked past. FOUND out last night that while this girl was literally asking me to look and enjoy the sight [maybe she does not drooled at enough] God was using her to have me get, literally ...over... some other fixation.
She made me think about the S/Town girl who works here in F/hoek and who later was to walk all over me as she tried, ostensibly, to get me to... I don't know... run after HER? DROOL over her? Compose poetry about her? Something like that, I think.
WELL, I CAN SAY WITH SATISFACTION THAT SHE IS DEAD AND ALL THOSE FEMALES WHO POSTURED AROUND ME AS WELL, ALL THOSE I HAVE ALREADY HAD REPLACEMENTS FOR.
Now, about the 20th woman and all that, I am frankly NOT interested in having anything but the revenge I planned;- I WANT michelle to SEE women that have been in her and her 'boyfriend's' lives, and see them come over to me, and THEN I will kill her when i have won my pissing contest.
Of course, the women themselves do NOT mean much to me, and if they are NOT willing to come to me, I will just have to kill them as well. I am NOT in love with any of them, I just do NOT want any mere mortal to get the upper hand over me and think she is something when she is worth less than dirt to me.
I think, as i have said before, the ONLY woman who is safe with me is one that is NOT hard to get, does not over inflate her importance with me, and does NOT try to have me look after her kids. Butt-head's mom fails on all counts, because of her fixation with her kids, so, i am thinking I will HAVE to kill her as well, which means that i will have to look for another explanation to the... riddle.
Since to me, it is ... all or nothing, and I do not... negotiate.
And just so you know, the people who die will be going to hell, and burn forever,. because, as i look at myself, and am never satisfied with mere physical retribution, I will never say that those who are hurt or in pain have had enough till my wounds close. Since they NEVER close, so the people will always suffer, till infinity.
Now, as i pointed out, Saturday is the beginning, and I will have all the black people in the Southern Hemisphere dead, first, and all my family and relatives in the Northern half dead as well, and I will leave some black people alive so that when i go killing your... best fighters up there, i may have a cloak of concealment and maybe, at the same time, get some other chicks to make up for the other women who have ... provoked me, see?
NOW, I think that is more and more... being myself, and having a unique DNA. YESSSSS!
First, I hate to see all my words go to waste, see?
So, i would rather test my claim of yesterday that I can take on anyone anytime anyday, with or without weapons. Which means, ideally, I would PREFER to beat up and kill people, not only BECAUSE to begin with, everyone is essentially in my way, but also because those who ARE in my way take great pains to show it. So, those who HAVE pissed me off, will die, by my hand, male or female.
On the other hand, I HAVE to say this, that I would blame God for me being... hurt... by people, and there being no... compensation for it, since I, unfortunately, can NOT forget any wrong done to me, but I have , weirdly enough, almost no real recollection of the 'wrongs' I may have done to others.The point there is basically, as i am finding out, that I was BORN a king, and did not have to... become... one; I just had to get to the point where I learn to accept the fact that this world is meant for me to... shape it... the way I want, to have exactly what I think and hope for, because I was like a blank page that people decided to write on, their graffiti and stuff, till I realised I could not lie down and take anymore and STILL function.
WELL, if one takes God's word to ME at face value, then I, technically, am the ONLY right person in the world, and I already have dominion within my grasp, so, why NOT make it into a practical thing and grasp what is offered?
So, I suppose that I am free to kill whosoever and whatsoever displeases me.
Which is a funny thing, there because there ARE already 20 females that... pleased me here, and I was working it out last night and felt quite pleased that I had spotted my error before anyone else did:-
Now, I spoke about 'fifteen seconds to get out of here', and said there were ALREADY nine women other than the original ten to 'build that thing' but , of course, i was... wrong, because among the nine is a ... virgin, a first, not a second[which fact, frankly leaves me with a bit of... unease, because i have rather large endowments and I am NOT keen on giving out pain - not that I care, but, well, if a person evinces pain i tend to want to take advantage; the bunched-fist-way, so I do NOT know just what God is up to there, but I suppose there will be found a way round that, I guess], which would mean I was wrong, see, about the ...women.
But i was not, see, because the days I left S/Town, I used to wake up, g down to F/Hoek beach, and then after a bit of a wash, go to the library, and THEN go see charles, and it was in one of these days that I saw this ... interesting chick. She was walking towards me as i came down from what used to be a train station, see, and she had this red shawl-like thing wrapped around her upper body, and her lower body was basically bare. I WANTED to look, because something was prickling at my senses, but then I thought, she is white, i would get dirty looks, and almost certainly be insulted for seeking to be above my station in her eyes, so i just passed by;- it was , like everything with me, a momentary whim, see?
[unfortunately, it is THESE whims that God uses to get me to look at myself more, did He not say He was 'starting with the man in the mirror'?]
Anyway, I walk rather slowly for most people, and so i was not particularly surprised that the girl, who had short hair, and was rather slim, should walk past me again. What surprised me was that she walked right UNDER my elbow, not quite touching me but almost as if demanding attention, and I looked, especially at the place i WOULD have looked had i been given the 'go-ahead' by her to look the first time as she faced me.
She had this very interesting... ass... with the cheeks seeming to be playing tennis or something but never coming into contact as she walked.In other words, she had this... gap between her legs... that made me want, literally to touch her right ... there as she walked past. FOUND out last night that while this girl was literally asking me to look and enjoy the sight [maybe she does not drooled at enough] God was using her to have me get, literally ...over... some other fixation.
She made me think about the S/Town girl who works here in F/hoek and who later was to walk all over me as she tried, ostensibly, to get me to... I don't know... run after HER? DROOL over her? Compose poetry about her? Something like that, I think.
WELL, I CAN SAY WITH SATISFACTION THAT SHE IS DEAD AND ALL THOSE FEMALES WHO POSTURED AROUND ME AS WELL, ALL THOSE I HAVE ALREADY HAD REPLACEMENTS FOR.
Now, about the 20th woman and all that, I am frankly NOT interested in having anything but the revenge I planned;- I WANT michelle to SEE women that have been in her and her 'boyfriend's' lives, and see them come over to me, and THEN I will kill her when i have won my pissing contest.
Of course, the women themselves do NOT mean much to me, and if they are NOT willing to come to me, I will just have to kill them as well. I am NOT in love with any of them, I just do NOT want any mere mortal to get the upper hand over me and think she is something when she is worth less than dirt to me.
I think, as i have said before, the ONLY woman who is safe with me is one that is NOT hard to get, does not over inflate her importance with me, and does NOT try to have me look after her kids. Butt-head's mom fails on all counts, because of her fixation with her kids, so, i am thinking I will HAVE to kill her as well, which means that i will have to look for another explanation to the... riddle.
Since to me, it is ... all or nothing, and I do not... negotiate.
And just so you know, the people who die will be going to hell, and burn forever,. because, as i look at myself, and am never satisfied with mere physical retribution, I will never say that those who are hurt or in pain have had enough till my wounds close. Since they NEVER close, so the people will always suffer, till infinity.
Now, as i pointed out, Saturday is the beginning, and I will have all the black people in the Southern Hemisphere dead, first, and all my family and relatives in the Northern half dead as well, and I will leave some black people alive so that when i go killing your... best fighters up there, i may have a cloak of concealment and maybe, at the same time, get some other chicks to make up for the other women who have ... provoked me, see?
NOW, I think that is more and more... being myself, and having a unique DNA. YESSSSS!
Wednesday, 5 June 2013
No Rules! YESSSS!
I am happy.
That is a profound statement.
I have, after years of mistrust and confusion, worked out how God sees me, and how I ... 'see'.
True, God came and started talking more that 15 years ago, and would not answer WHY He was involved, but He has been showing me the reason through and through.
True, I blamed Him for letting my life go down into the dumps, but I should have blamed a Jaguar Sovereign car, lime green, for that:-
Because when I was attempting the Goldbach Conjecture, and would have given everything to my mother and God for 'His troubles', I used to see this sleek jaguar for sale, Z$300,000.00 [at the rate of US$1m=Z$11 at the time] and for once in my life I wanted something for myself, and so, as soon as I realised that the car and my mother's grasping did NOT go hand in hand, I KNEW that one thing or the other had to go. What I was not sure about was whether God wanted to make me conform or had... other ideas.
And, of course, i am living as i am because I can NOT ... rise... till my mother and issues of her, are out of the way, and THAT is the only way I can become interested in .... other things, like, of course, tyhe age of the earth and the marvelous breadth and depth of God's... thinking.
Ever since He proved Himself true to His word by making me this... resilient and indestructible person, ever since He said that in everything He was 'starting with the man in the mirror' [meaning, if one looks at it positively, that He saw me as an imge of Himself], I have... hoped that He would provide the ... something better... that I needed and could not find in this world order.
And, I was really upset the other time that the sexy lady who enabled me to give the... finger to allison, seemed to be ... involved... with someone else. Had God lied? Was He looking so much down on me that He would let me take someone who was not free to be mine but I had to work for, to get, when I have a dim opinion of women anyway?
But, I have discovered one thing, that what matters to me matters a great deal to God, and therefore, if He says she is suitable, I do NOT have to double-check, because she would have all the pre-requisites to NOT make my life a burden.
Which is something allsion did NOT grasp, when I instantly accepted the blonde 'employment' woman, because apparently she thought that posturing before me, with tyhe warts on her face, and that long neck of hers, would make her acceptable, when in effect it was how the woman reacted to ME when ahe saw me, and left me in no doubt about how my... opinion, of her mattered a whole lot to her.
Which of course is the crux of the matter;- women who listen even when I do not speak, and strive to show me that they will ALWAYS pay attention to me, instead of judging by appearance.
Like woman number 19, who, it slowly seeped into my mind, after i turned away from her, refusing to have her take me for some beggar, even though I was dressed the part with my coat-of-many-fire-holes drapped over me, waited till she saw me and sydney about to leave, and went and spent a whole 20 or so minutes waiting for us in the path she knew we would take, and then engaged the other guy in conversation, and not, cursiously, me, as if she refused to directly address me, as if she was... afraid of me, but desired that i know she was NOT just another tourist. Fact that she ALSO turned out to be an artist, was blonde and French, and thus enabled me to give the 'inkfish design studio ' Beatles-look alike French girl with her staid face and horizontal gash for a moutyh the finger, was something... extra, and while THAT suited me and made HER acceptable, the thing that made HER want to have something to do with me was the fact that I apparently have something she needs.
Which means I do not have to look, worry, or wonder if she, and the other 18, will have other agendas aside form me, and my .... approval.
Which would, of course, bring me to the mysterious woman number 20.
Now, keep in mind the "i am giving you 15 seconds to get out of here' vision, and if one remembers how God uses the same statement over and over again to cover all levels, then one will understand that THAT statement applies even here, even as it did to get me out of S/Town.
Only this time, it is a ... complet fulfilment that awaits.
Now, I have been saying something over and over about butt-head's mom, how she has behaved towards me so... respectfully, and never, like allison, tried to over-ride my prerogative but always focused on me, not on God or my fixation with Him. Whenever she saw me angry, it would not be, like with michelle, a wait-till-God-deals-with-him attitude she would take, but rather she would try to soothe me, not just wait it out. I have numersoue examples of this, and everytime I would back down, and not carry out what i initially intended.
BUT
See, the thing is, I have focused on making michelle pay for her presumption, and THIS is not about butt-head's mom, respectful as she may be.
I will, now that I have no confusion, show how some things came about.
First, when I thought of drawing michelle out, God would show me that she had a friend, the same one that went and bad-mouthed me at happy valley, but she was a... depressed person and thus easy to sway for someone like manipulative michelle.
So, I asked to see her,. and I explained all that. The following day, in an effort to have the woman michelle come out in the open, I 'wrote' on my blogspot that I would welcome them both, if they would come, but that afternoon, going to happy valley for lunch, I came across a couple, hand in hand, and the words to Sean Paul's song, "Like Glue" came into my mind there and then, and were the 'permission' I needed to vent out my aggression on the pair, butt-head and michelle:
them better move fast, before we get cross
and, of course, that vision with the guy whose eyes would turn to a cross and become bleak - the green "BY YOUR POWERS COMBINED" vision- leapt into mind, and I decided that nicky? would be better served if she had a friend who was michelle's size and had her own hair colour, and so, I called that one.
And her actions ... pleased me.
But I had reservations about nicky? because what I wanted, at the time, was a clean sweep of all the women in butt-head's life, and THAT way I would keep from personally killing him, although he would die annyway, because
1) NO living person can withstand me in a dry or weapons fight, anytijme, anyday, so it would be a waste of time to group the fools and kill them/prove that to them, and
2) I wanted to show the arsehole that he and the woman who he made such a meal of, were contemptible, and beneath me, and I would NOT lower myself to either of their standards.
so, because God showed me her upper body, and the nose thing, and then later the other sister's ass, and then, presumably, the slim one as well, and finally, the daughter of nicky?, I wanted these for myself, so that I would prove the adage true, 'hell hath no fury like a woman scorned'.
But I also wanted the Latino, AND the small one with the red cheeks. THESE five women and a child would be enough for me to walk away and just not soil my hands with taking michelle and the guys apart, because, as i explained, if I START doing something, I end upo devel;oping an appetite for it, and would be severely tempted to just kill indiscriminately, which , with my unstable nature as far as people are concerned, would make me womanless in no time.
So, that means, if butt-head;s mom will come out in the open, and actually take steps to DO something that shows she is unequivocally on MY side, i will NOT personally kill her kids. If not, then I get to ask for a replacement, and I WILL wipe out everyone, and not rest till every member of the osc is dead, by my hand.
I will wait till tomorrow, and then....!
As I said, there are NO rules as to how I should proceed. I do what I see fit!
That is a profound statement.
I have, after years of mistrust and confusion, worked out how God sees me, and how I ... 'see'.
True, God came and started talking more that 15 years ago, and would not answer WHY He was involved, but He has been showing me the reason through and through.
True, I blamed Him for letting my life go down into the dumps, but I should have blamed a Jaguar Sovereign car, lime green, for that:-
Because when I was attempting the Goldbach Conjecture, and would have given everything to my mother and God for 'His troubles', I used to see this sleek jaguar for sale, Z$300,000.00 [at the rate of US$1m=Z$11 at the time] and for once in my life I wanted something for myself, and so, as soon as I realised that the car and my mother's grasping did NOT go hand in hand, I KNEW that one thing or the other had to go. What I was not sure about was whether God wanted to make me conform or had... other ideas.
And, of course, i am living as i am because I can NOT ... rise... till my mother and issues of her, are out of the way, and THAT is the only way I can become interested in .... other things, like, of course, tyhe age of the earth and the marvelous breadth and depth of God's... thinking.
Ever since He proved Himself true to His word by making me this... resilient and indestructible person, ever since He said that in everything He was 'starting with the man in the mirror' [meaning, if one looks at it positively, that He saw me as an imge of Himself], I have... hoped that He would provide the ... something better... that I needed and could not find in this world order.
And, I was really upset the other time that the sexy lady who enabled me to give the... finger to allison, seemed to be ... involved... with someone else. Had God lied? Was He looking so much down on me that He would let me take someone who was not free to be mine but I had to work for, to get, when I have a dim opinion of women anyway?
But, I have discovered one thing, that what matters to me matters a great deal to God, and therefore, if He says she is suitable, I do NOT have to double-check, because she would have all the pre-requisites to NOT make my life a burden.
Which is something allsion did NOT grasp, when I instantly accepted the blonde 'employment' woman, because apparently she thought that posturing before me, with tyhe warts on her face, and that long neck of hers, would make her acceptable, when in effect it was how the woman reacted to ME when ahe saw me, and left me in no doubt about how my... opinion, of her mattered a whole lot to her.
Which of course is the crux of the matter;- women who listen even when I do not speak, and strive to show me that they will ALWAYS pay attention to me, instead of judging by appearance.
Like woman number 19, who, it slowly seeped into my mind, after i turned away from her, refusing to have her take me for some beggar, even though I was dressed the part with my coat-of-many-fire-holes drapped over me, waited till she saw me and sydney about to leave, and went and spent a whole 20 or so minutes waiting for us in the path she knew we would take, and then engaged the other guy in conversation, and not, cursiously, me, as if she refused to directly address me, as if she was... afraid of me, but desired that i know she was NOT just another tourist. Fact that she ALSO turned out to be an artist, was blonde and French, and thus enabled me to give the 'inkfish design studio ' Beatles-look alike French girl with her staid face and horizontal gash for a moutyh the finger, was something... extra, and while THAT suited me and made HER acceptable, the thing that made HER want to have something to do with me was the fact that I apparently have something she needs.
Which means I do not have to look, worry, or wonder if she, and the other 18, will have other agendas aside form me, and my .... approval.
Which would, of course, bring me to the mysterious woman number 20.
Now, keep in mind the "i am giving you 15 seconds to get out of here' vision, and if one remembers how God uses the same statement over and over again to cover all levels, then one will understand that THAT statement applies even here, even as it did to get me out of S/Town.
Only this time, it is a ... complet fulfilment that awaits.
Now, I have been saying something over and over about butt-head's mom, how she has behaved towards me so... respectfully, and never, like allison, tried to over-ride my prerogative but always focused on me, not on God or my fixation with Him. Whenever she saw me angry, it would not be, like with michelle, a wait-till-God-deals-with-him attitude she would take, but rather she would try to soothe me, not just wait it out. I have numersoue examples of this, and everytime I would back down, and not carry out what i initially intended.
BUT
See, the thing is, I have focused on making michelle pay for her presumption, and THIS is not about butt-head's mom, respectful as she may be.
I will, now that I have no confusion, show how some things came about.
First, when I thought of drawing michelle out, God would show me that she had a friend, the same one that went and bad-mouthed me at happy valley, but she was a... depressed person and thus easy to sway for someone like manipulative michelle.
So, I asked to see her,. and I explained all that. The following day, in an effort to have the woman michelle come out in the open, I 'wrote' on my blogspot that I would welcome them both, if they would come, but that afternoon, going to happy valley for lunch, I came across a couple, hand in hand, and the words to Sean Paul's song, "Like Glue" came into my mind there and then, and were the 'permission' I needed to vent out my aggression on the pair, butt-head and michelle:
them better move fast, before we get cross
and, of course, that vision with the guy whose eyes would turn to a cross and become bleak - the green "BY YOUR POWERS COMBINED" vision- leapt into mind, and I decided that nicky? would be better served if she had a friend who was michelle's size and had her own hair colour, and so, I called that one.
And her actions ... pleased me.
But I had reservations about nicky? because what I wanted, at the time, was a clean sweep of all the women in butt-head's life, and THAT way I would keep from personally killing him, although he would die annyway, because
1) NO living person can withstand me in a dry or weapons fight, anytijme, anyday, so it would be a waste of time to group the fools and kill them/prove that to them, and
2) I wanted to show the arsehole that he and the woman who he made such a meal of, were contemptible, and beneath me, and I would NOT lower myself to either of their standards.
so, because God showed me her upper body, and the nose thing, and then later the other sister's ass, and then, presumably, the slim one as well, and finally, the daughter of nicky?, I wanted these for myself, so that I would prove the adage true, 'hell hath no fury like a woman scorned'.
But I also wanted the Latino, AND the small one with the red cheeks. THESE five women and a child would be enough for me to walk away and just not soil my hands with taking michelle and the guys apart, because, as i explained, if I START doing something, I end upo devel;oping an appetite for it, and would be severely tempted to just kill indiscriminately, which , with my unstable nature as far as people are concerned, would make me womanless in no time.
So, that means, if butt-head;s mom will come out in the open, and actually take steps to DO something that shows she is unequivocally on MY side, i will NOT personally kill her kids. If not, then I get to ask for a replacement, and I WILL wipe out everyone, and not rest till every member of the osc is dead, by my hand.
I will wait till tomorrow, and then....!
As I said, there are NO rules as to how I should proceed. I do what I see fit!
Tuesday, 4 June 2013
Hate Magnet
It is with a rather grim humour that I realise that every time I refuse to take matters into my own hands, an I look up to God, somebody takes advantage.
because they have their own perceptions of how things should be, and what kind of insect am I that I should take God as if he were in my own pocket;- me, a mountain dweller, the lowest of all scum, et.c.
Of course, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, right, and if I WAS trying to ram that opinion of mine down everyone else's throat, it would be understandable, but I am merely stating what I see, and basically living my life on the merest of threads, because all I have to keep me going to begin with is God Himself, which is not that much of an advantage when viewed from the stance that God ... involves... Himself according to His own directives, and that regardless of HOW sympathetic He might be, He is still got His won agenda and He is not as involved in the day to day lives of us mere ... dust.
So, from my point of view, I am likely the MOST accursed of all people, at the moment, because I have all the burdens that come with being God's ... choice... and none of the advantages.
if you take it that 'ad-vantage' means something that gives one a 'one-up' on the opposition, then I am actually the one everyone else has an advantage over, and I am swelling with bitterness at the moment.
Bitterness that has been growing for a LOOOOONG time now.
First, I should have been left to die at an early age, but NO, God had to make one of His executive decisions and give me this... thing, that onlyb works to MY advantage when that is in line with God's ... view... of what 'the man' should be;-inflexible, and NOT giving in to women's demands/commands.
I would have given in to my mother's demands, and made one huge lumpsum of money and given it to her, and the rest been left over as tithes, and then died, but God had to step in and "show" me that there was NO such opening.
And do you think after that He was concerned? Hell, no, the NEXT time He... acted was when a woman suggested that I reconcile with my mother, and He left the silly girl with NO doubt just how He classed me, but then, all I am to Him is His... possession, someone to fight over when a woman threatens.
I have lived a miserable life, and right now I wonder what even a bath-tub feels like, because I have been a long time without being in one.
But that is not all about my fun-filled life;- there are people who actually read my posts, sit down in groups to chat about how.. presumptuous I am and all that, and then they decide to impress upon me, literally, their own thoughts about how I should behave, and they show up, coming from their luxurious homes, driving fancy or drab cars, and try to get int into my thick skull what an idiot I REALLY am, and when they see -not realising WHY- that my hands are tied concerning action against them, they rubbish me off as a mere talker, and I find myself caught between a rock and a hard place, with God and His insufferable arrogance hedging me in and making it impossible for me to make any headway as a .. person, and the people wondering why I am all talk and no action, and hurting me all the more for it.
So, God hates me for what I am NOT, and the people hater me for what I also am not, and each group seeks to drag me the way they think I should go.
Most High God, You were very... explicit... in how You view people, in that You said "I know the plans I have for you, plans for peace, plans for good and not for evil... to give you a FUTURE and an expected end", which means the .. present does NOT interest You that much, right?
But I am hurting here because of Your uncalled for, unwanted... interest ... in my life, where because You have this fixed perception of what You expect me to be, You totally ignore the person I AM, and continuously use me as a pincushion when You seek to impress on me what I should want. How can I have a future and... hope... when I have a present and no hope, when You are the MAJOR reason why I am always groaning. I may have a choice of the world I should want, but what a choice is that, God when it all boils down to a complete rejection of everything I want.
Please, just let me die.Please, please, please. I am SO tired God, of having You in my life, and having to be a laughingstock of everyone and everything, and even when I point it out, You just do NOT care;- I am to You nothi8ng more than a mindless possession and if i stink to high heaven because You, who said You care 'for my life' [which means that I continue breathing at all costs, regardless of the poor quality of life] make sure that NOTHING makes me die; or if, like at present, I spend days on end with no food because You refuse to let me labour for anything and prosper/ get anything for it - after all, You DID say I am an 'academic', which means nothing I do is practical; or if I have to be mute and watch as people who regard me as a charlatan walk all over me and I can do nothing about it;- well, to You that is just fine, right, because You have my... back.
Why do YOU hate me so, God, that You should make me such a.. thing?
Do You, Who claims to SEE everything, not SEE just what an impossible life You are letting me live, and do You not THINK it is high time You backed off a bit and let me have some breathing room?
God, Your way sucks, and whatever else has to be settled over the course of this week, what WILL emerge i.e., either me dead, or You totally handing over the power to dictate my life as I see fit, without this 'academic' nonsense to stop me from exacting revenge as I want to.
So, I WILL either kill people, and take my time about it, as I SEE fit, becausde my HURT is not going to go away by mere substitution, OR You will have to rethink Your... views and let me die, because I am NOT the person You take me for.
One way or the other, this sorry nonsense ends, this week, and You have all the say about how it does:- Your way or mine!
because they have their own perceptions of how things should be, and what kind of insect am I that I should take God as if he were in my own pocket;- me, a mountain dweller, the lowest of all scum, et.c.
Of course, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, right, and if I WAS trying to ram that opinion of mine down everyone else's throat, it would be understandable, but I am merely stating what I see, and basically living my life on the merest of threads, because all I have to keep me going to begin with is God Himself, which is not that much of an advantage when viewed from the stance that God ... involves... Himself according to His own directives, and that regardless of HOW sympathetic He might be, He is still got His won agenda and He is not as involved in the day to day lives of us mere ... dust.
So, from my point of view, I am likely the MOST accursed of all people, at the moment, because I have all the burdens that come with being God's ... choice... and none of the advantages.
if you take it that 'ad-vantage' means something that gives one a 'one-up' on the opposition, then I am actually the one everyone else has an advantage over, and I am swelling with bitterness at the moment.
Bitterness that has been growing for a LOOOOONG time now.
First, I should have been left to die at an early age, but NO, God had to make one of His executive decisions and give me this... thing, that onlyb works to MY advantage when that is in line with God's ... view... of what 'the man' should be;-inflexible, and NOT giving in to women's demands/commands.
I would have given in to my mother's demands, and made one huge lumpsum of money and given it to her, and the rest been left over as tithes, and then died, but God had to step in and "show" me that there was NO such opening.
And do you think after that He was concerned? Hell, no, the NEXT time He... acted was when a woman suggested that I reconcile with my mother, and He left the silly girl with NO doubt just how He classed me, but then, all I am to Him is His... possession, someone to fight over when a woman threatens.
I have lived a miserable life, and right now I wonder what even a bath-tub feels like, because I have been a long time without being in one.
But that is not all about my fun-filled life;- there are people who actually read my posts, sit down in groups to chat about how.. presumptuous I am and all that, and then they decide to impress upon me, literally, their own thoughts about how I should behave, and they show up, coming from their luxurious homes, driving fancy or drab cars, and try to get int into my thick skull what an idiot I REALLY am, and when they see -not realising WHY- that my hands are tied concerning action against them, they rubbish me off as a mere talker, and I find myself caught between a rock and a hard place, with God and His insufferable arrogance hedging me in and making it impossible for me to make any headway as a .. person, and the people wondering why I am all talk and no action, and hurting me all the more for it.
So, God hates me for what I am NOT, and the people hater me for what I also am not, and each group seeks to drag me the way they think I should go.
Most High God, You were very... explicit... in how You view people, in that You said "I know the plans I have for you, plans for peace, plans for good and not for evil... to give you a FUTURE and an expected end", which means the .. present does NOT interest You that much, right?
But I am hurting here because of Your uncalled for, unwanted... interest ... in my life, where because You have this fixed perception of what You expect me to be, You totally ignore the person I AM, and continuously use me as a pincushion when You seek to impress on me what I should want. How can I have a future and... hope... when I have a present and no hope, when You are the MAJOR reason why I am always groaning. I may have a choice of the world I should want, but what a choice is that, God when it all boils down to a complete rejection of everything I want.
Please, just let me die.Please, please, please. I am SO tired God, of having You in my life, and having to be a laughingstock of everyone and everything, and even when I point it out, You just do NOT care;- I am to You nothi8ng more than a mindless possession and if i stink to high heaven because You, who said You care 'for my life' [which means that I continue breathing at all costs, regardless of the poor quality of life] make sure that NOTHING makes me die; or if, like at present, I spend days on end with no food because You refuse to let me labour for anything and prosper/ get anything for it - after all, You DID say I am an 'academic', which means nothing I do is practical; or if I have to be mute and watch as people who regard me as a charlatan walk all over me and I can do nothing about it;- well, to You that is just fine, right, because You have my... back.
Why do YOU hate me so, God, that You should make me such a.. thing?
Do You, Who claims to SEE everything, not SEE just what an impossible life You are letting me live, and do You not THINK it is high time You backed off a bit and let me have some breathing room?
God, Your way sucks, and whatever else has to be settled over the course of this week, what WILL emerge i.e., either me dead, or You totally handing over the power to dictate my life as I see fit, without this 'academic' nonsense to stop me from exacting revenge as I want to.
So, I WILL either kill people, and take my time about it, as I SEE fit, becausde my HURT is not going to go away by mere substitution, OR You will have to rethink Your... views and let me die, because I am NOT the person You take me for.
One way or the other, this sorry nonsense ends, this week, and You have all the say about how it does:- Your way or mine!
Monday, 3 June 2013
Finally:- End in Sight
The past few days have left me wondering whether the world has gone mad and whether there is any point to anything that is happening with me.But, finally, I have 'seen the light'
First, I have to say that there is NO sense if God is NOT in charge, and, well, He is, and so, what I wrote on Saturday about taking over from Him was born out of frustration because I did NOT understand what was going on.
Indeed He had said to me, "In Him we live and move and have our being,
and existence exists in Him,
to Him who sees will go the crown"
so, of course it was and will always be, a moot point that regardless of what happens, He will be... in charge.
But, Saturday, again in my frustration, I said I was taking over, yes? Well, technically, I was just ... freeing... myself from my... human obligations.
Let me put it this way:- When a child was born in biblical times, and he was the firstborn son, he had till the same day a week later to be... presented... before the temple of God, which is eight days.
So, come rain come thunder, by THIS Saturday, the 'fruits' of my taking over will be manifesting themselves.[my parents and all that will be ... no more]
Which, basically, means, people will be dying, and just to paint a graphic picture, it means every black person on the planet, every person in the countries in which the... women... are from and have been 'known' will also die, except of course in Holland, till the girl comes from there, see?
And even here in south africa, as soon as I leave, every living thing will be dead.
because it is time for the End of all flesh ...to... begin.
BUT, I am, as God said, an academic, and what has been holding things up has been that, I have been hurt, see?, and once hurt, I tend to want to take action, but, God, Who is responsible for me being HERE against my will, would NOT take it well that I have to seek recourse to personal actionwhen He has a solution that does not mean I have to remain fixated on doing the same thing over and over again.
Like with sex.
Once I got fixated on it, I could NOT let it go, hence, I guess the rather large number of women, even though EVERY single one of them is there to... cover up... for some pain someon else inflicted.
Now, I was very convinced that there would be only 18 women, and when, yesterday, God said to me, "tell Me what you want from Me", and then, "tell Me what you want", I was not quite ready to grasp the issue, and when I saw that gorgeous girl that was to... replace... the disappointment... allison caused that Friday, I was rather disturbed.
I was thinking that the vision could be... wrong, or not meaning her [I will explain why in a moment], but then, I could not get over the fact that in the vision I was walking up to the second storey and when she reached a door, it was NOT at the end of the ... block, but somewhat in the middle.
it meant there was possible... room.. for TWO more, and when God was asking me what was bothering me, I was stressing about the french voice.
I have a probably strange memory, which means I 'hear' even now, the tone of voice my mother, for example, used when she was out to get me, and it still disturbs me, which is probably why female voices have to be of a certain type,otherwise I fly into rage.
So, i was worried that the last one did not speak with a french voice,so I could 'get over' allison.
Yesterday, I sat, after the sexy one had left, outside the cafe' Olympia, on the chairs provided, which was the cafe' the sexy lady had been in, with Sydney,and I was framing and beginning to plaster another horse, and then, I happened to look up and into the shop, and this white lady, with an attractive face, and glasses, was staring at me and she smiled. I smiled back, and then thought she probably was feeling sympathetic or something, and resolutely looked away, and kept on .. working.
When I looked her way again she was no longer staring at me, and when she came out,she passed by without a word. Later, me and Sydney decided we would leave, and I went with him to fish Hoek, to the net, but as we reached the end of the block where the cafe' is, there was the lady, and she had on a black cravat and she and Sydney engaged in a conversation as we waited for a lull in the rain.
As she spoke, my senses went into high alert, because although she spoke English fluently, there was a certain drag to her ending sentences that meant she was a foreigner, and as I listened to her speak of how she wanted to go look at the seals but it was raining so much, I realised she spoke French as a mother tongue, and I was stumped, of course.
Till I worked out that it is God's way of... dealing... with my problems. So I do not have to deal with them myself.
Which means that, since all OTHER women have been done away with, and I have no REASON to remain here unless of course, it is to 'get over' butt-head's mom, well, then all I have to do is wait and see, and then, before Saturday, I ought to have a... replacement, because all the other fake ones have been exposed, yes?
like the line in the song by Sean Paul;-
thats why all the fake ones them getting exposed!
First, I have to say that there is NO sense if God is NOT in charge, and, well, He is, and so, what I wrote on Saturday about taking over from Him was born out of frustration because I did NOT understand what was going on.
Indeed He had said to me, "In Him we live and move and have our being,
and existence exists in Him,
to Him who sees will go the crown"
so, of course it was and will always be, a moot point that regardless of what happens, He will be... in charge.
But, Saturday, again in my frustration, I said I was taking over, yes? Well, technically, I was just ... freeing... myself from my... human obligations.
Let me put it this way:- When a child was born in biblical times, and he was the firstborn son, he had till the same day a week later to be... presented... before the temple of God, which is eight days.
So, come rain come thunder, by THIS Saturday, the 'fruits' of my taking over will be manifesting themselves.[my parents and all that will be ... no more]
Which, basically, means, people will be dying, and just to paint a graphic picture, it means every black person on the planet, every person in the countries in which the... women... are from and have been 'known' will also die, except of course in Holland, till the girl comes from there, see?
And even here in south africa, as soon as I leave, every living thing will be dead.
because it is time for the End of all flesh ...to... begin.
BUT, I am, as God said, an academic, and what has been holding things up has been that, I have been hurt, see?, and once hurt, I tend to want to take action, but, God, Who is responsible for me being HERE against my will, would NOT take it well that I have to seek recourse to personal actionwhen He has a solution that does not mean I have to remain fixated on doing the same thing over and over again.
Like with sex.
Once I got fixated on it, I could NOT let it go, hence, I guess the rather large number of women, even though EVERY single one of them is there to... cover up... for some pain someon else inflicted.
Now, I was very convinced that there would be only 18 women, and when, yesterday, God said to me, "tell Me what you want from Me", and then, "tell Me what you want", I was not quite ready to grasp the issue, and when I saw that gorgeous girl that was to... replace... the disappointment... allison caused that Friday, I was rather disturbed.
I was thinking that the vision could be... wrong, or not meaning her [I will explain why in a moment], but then, I could not get over the fact that in the vision I was walking up to the second storey and when she reached a door, it was NOT at the end of the ... block, but somewhat in the middle.
it meant there was possible... room.. for TWO more, and when God was asking me what was bothering me, I was stressing about the french voice.
I have a probably strange memory, which means I 'hear' even now, the tone of voice my mother, for example, used when she was out to get me, and it still disturbs me, which is probably why female voices have to be of a certain type,otherwise I fly into rage.
So, i was worried that the last one did not speak with a french voice,so I could 'get over' allison.
Yesterday, I sat, after the sexy one had left, outside the cafe' Olympia, on the chairs provided, which was the cafe' the sexy lady had been in, with Sydney,and I was framing and beginning to plaster another horse, and then, I happened to look up and into the shop, and this white lady, with an attractive face, and glasses, was staring at me and she smiled. I smiled back, and then thought she probably was feeling sympathetic or something, and resolutely looked away, and kept on .. working.
When I looked her way again she was no longer staring at me, and when she came out,she passed by without a word. Later, me and Sydney decided we would leave, and I went with him to fish Hoek, to the net, but as we reached the end of the block where the cafe' is, there was the lady, and she had on a black cravat and she and Sydney engaged in a conversation as we waited for a lull in the rain.
As she spoke, my senses went into high alert, because although she spoke English fluently, there was a certain drag to her ending sentences that meant she was a foreigner, and as I listened to her speak of how she wanted to go look at the seals but it was raining so much, I realised she spoke French as a mother tongue, and I was stumped, of course.
Till I worked out that it is God's way of... dealing... with my problems. So I do not have to deal with them myself.
Which means that, since all OTHER women have been done away with, and I have no REASON to remain here unless of course, it is to 'get over' butt-head's mom, well, then all I have to do is wait and see, and then, before Saturday, I ought to have a... replacement, because all the other fake ones have been exposed, yes?
like the line in the song by Sean Paul;-
thats why all the fake ones them getting exposed!
Sunday, 2 June 2013
Why you wanna go
then, today, after more anger at God, I went down again, and as I was walking down, a small voice went "tell me what you want from me", and then I said, Get out!, and the voice went again, "tell me what you want", and then, suddenly, what I had been getting just a feel of made a lot of sense.
When God told me to try the falco effect, He was also telling me that His ... perception was deeper than I thought, and which is why he did not say "use the falco effect", but "try..." leaving me an option to exercise my free will, as to whether I could go on or not.
the point is, well, if someone else had been looking over His shoulder when He said that, the person would assume that I was just lazy, and so would 'try' to have me do something to prove myself... see?
Which means the person I should be mad at is the holy spirit, but really, even God's thing have to be restructured, because there is no way i will be able to keep myself from... OK, later with that.
BUT, I also have to accept the fact that God KNEW that the REAL rwason why I did nothing was that I neither wanted my mother to glory in the deeds, nor did i want to keep myself idle any longer, so, of course, came the solution that I would have ... those women... to bolster me up, and well, I met... the last one today outside this cafe' where Sidney has his workshop, see?
Woman walks out with a baby in her arms, a guy with her holding another baby, and I was standing in the way, so as I stood aside, the woman smiled at me, a shy smile, and I realised juts who I wasd looking at, and realised that I wanted these women, really, and could not chuck off God and keep any kind of sense in things.
because, if this makes any sense, I am NOT supposed to kill anyone, but I can NOT let things go, so I jneed solutions, or I KILL people, see"? And I will NOT be able to have any chance to LOOK dfor women when the ... presidents... die, because then every woman will KNOW who I am, and so will be able to pretend to like me, so mthese women will be those who... dwelt in darkness, in the sense that they did NOT despise me when I was small.
Which means, like, THIS Saturday will be the time when 'everyone will know me', like... if THAT makes any sense.
Which means I will have resolved the issues of all these people, and either have people to 'compensate' me for the insults I have suffered, or I will kill people and NOT be an 'academic'... see?
Allison, I do not know what you have to say to that, because frankly, I am itching to do SOMETHING to you!
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