The "October " Thing

First, before I deal with how I can NOT go toe to toe with the spirit of God in "October", I will deal with the human element.
Now, I am sure a lot of people out there are labouring under the illusion that there is a woman that I ... love. Lets face reality. I am totally incapable of love. This should be a glaring reality to anyone who takes the time to even observe me when a woman tries to make me do what she wants and I flare up.
I had said I would regret saying that any idiot knew who I was talking about,  and I assume that that made some people feel rather strong about themselves. Which explains the coming out of the imp. But what I said before, it goes, I am GOING to kill the fools. As for the woman, well, let me put it this way. I actually stated over and over again, what made me do a double take as far as she is concerned; the way she looked so woebegone when I said I would have nothing to do with her because I saw the wedding ring on her finger. I was, I confess, till a few days ago, thinking, it would be nice to have somebody who is so into you she can not imagine a life without you. She could keep me amused when I got bored. BUT, when I walked from wynberg after my last post, and saw her and the imp in a cosy tete-a-tete at the la parada, I suddenly realised one glaring truth my ego had kept from me, all these months:- Whatever interest the woman has in me, it is not ME she is interested in. So, I have no NEED to even bother myself with her.
I have to be frank, even ceased being interested in women, any women, sexually. I found out that I do not NEED anyone in my life, I like my own company too much.Besides, when you tell a woman that you are interested in her and then you find her kissing some guy, that is a LOUD message there, yes?

Now, to the spirit of God. First thing I tried to do, as a grown up, was to try to use a girl that had a child, pretty much the same way my mother had had children when she met my father, to make her look at herself and kncok some sense into her. It failed, miserably. I am not good with failure. I deflate. And i have never failed at something I tried except THEN, and the various times I tried to kill myself. So, out of the blue, and here i am hiv-positive, God says He has added 15 years to my life. It was a private message. I made the mistake of writing it down. The spirit of God got wind of it, and decided, as I had concluded I would die at 39, to show me I would die... miserable. So, he send me this message, "October 13". I was deflated at my parents home, going really catatonic, depressed like no one would believe. MY sister, the one who liked opening her legs to anyone and so got the disease, decided to call the one person I had respect for even if he was not my actual relative; the wife was, and I was sent to his house.
I did nothing there the whole day but sit, and play with the dogs. At my arriaval there were three of them, an old mix breed that was HUGE but on its last legs when I got there, its son, with a white coat and a black spot just over the spine near the hind legs, and, of course, the possessive  ridgeback, pinky, although she was definitely brown. My cousin mavis named her.
My uncle, he had bought a plot of land, and for a while he had built a cottage and stayed in it, having two grown sons out with families of their own and only his two daughters to worry about, but when I got there, he had finished the main house, and there was a huge room for... boys.
My aunt loved inviting out of work relations to her house, male, and have them eat in her house and be a 'support' in her never ending warfare with her husband, till he would get fed up and look for jobs for them and then kick them out. I was an exception. For some weird reason, I never got along with my aunt, because i never liked women, I guess, and I could never kiss ass.
Anyway, there were three of us in this room, no four, with my uncle's crippled youunger brother. He had refused to by a bed, so , well,  we slept on the floor. It was heaven, away from my mother. I would sleep on thorns.
On thursday, the 12 of october, I was having a late evening shower in the cottage. A cold one, because  it was hot. I felt like a cold band had seized me around my chest and squeezed me tight, and my breath became laboured.
I went to sleep feeling like I had inhaled gallons of petrol. On friday, pus came out, in a ridge, right across my back, from under one armpit to the other. A guy who knew said it was herpes, and I should got to the clinic. I was asking myself that God gives me fifteen years so I can suffer, why the fuck does he not let me die. I did not go anywhere, I broke the skin of the boils and kept on at it for a couple of days and then, the whole thing disappeared, but there were scars, and the only ones that are visible now are near my  right armpit.
Only much later, in that vision of a worm, did I get the ... point..., which took a while to sink in, "I am giving you 15 seconds to get out of here". I had tried to change people, and failed, but I could do this, I could leave for places far away where no one had ever been>
And the funny thing, just after the '15 seconds' speech, the guy, me, starts counting, from one, and then gets to ten, pauses for three beats- you KNOW I am not making this up- and then says "TEN!" and a whole horde of people start walking from the right to the left, and they even bear two coffins. Afterwards, what is exposed is me, head clear, but from the neck down covered in ice and chained from the wrists to the ground:- prince mutasa, stuck on planet earth, because of the problem of water, seeking a solution.
 

Goodie, Now For A Touch Of Class

I walk out of fish hoek library, and immediately I want to double up with laughter. I smell the air, there is heat, and I am like, hmmm, I so do like being interfered with, and true enough, time I get to kalk bay, most of the cloud has dissipated, and I am almost like, I REALLY should not have added that "the weather shows you are about to die" statement, but,then, as I said, I like to FLAUNT what I have, not sit on it.

So, since I am just a verbose kind of person who has absolutely NO standing at all among the worthy people of kalk bay, I have just decided to up the ante and show a touch of class, what sets me apart from the rest of you doomed fools.

I am so VERY aware of my opposition. Unlike any other being, I do not exist on hope, faith, belief or any such bullshit. I act on what I KNOW and i KNOW what I am, and yes, thank you very much, today I have become TERMINALLY angry, and so, you ARE about to die. 

I saw the blatant desperation in the actions, in broad daylight, of the spirit of God, because when I was told, "peace, be still", and was working on some pieces mwale wanted at the park, having been told by sydney that he had no wire, the 18 guage, because the south-wester was blowing (my kind of wind, the one with rain and my kind of cloud) and all the mountains from simonstown through to fish hoek were showing the steady progress of the clouds. Soon as they hit kalk bay, a contrary south-easter blew in, and I watched as the clouds were dissipated. Now, I was already in battle mode, but my God, I am glad for the idiot who had me put away on a false charge, because he can NOT help digging his own grave faster than undertakers possibly could. But, I will get to that.I made a promise... to the woman that I am set to destroy EVERYONE she used to piss me off. The song above, I have played it before, and explained stuff. That stands. You do NOT piss me off and expect amnesty. I mean, where is the POINT in me being the AlMighty then, if I let offenses go unpunished?I said I was going to regret what I was about to write, earlier, and fuck, they certainly thought, ha, we now have him. Really, the fools MUST have me confused with some other guy.I have a... Father... and piss me off, well, you are pissing Him off as well, much as I do not like His method of operating. But that has been the rule of thumb that I have lived by even when I have cursed Him deeply. I KNOW that MY interests are what lie central to His heart. After all, my mother called me 'tungamirai', meaning, let God lead. Lead to what? What He wants, or what I want?  That should not be  trick question.

So, I walked into kalk bay, and I could make out the scary mobile just ahead of me, at that parking by the two kings, and ms short and dumpy's vw was by the entrance of the offices, and the slk was NOT there. YET. She must have checked the weather because as I sat at the park, she drove by, on her way to the offices. I must be mistaken, maybe, according to her, and so, what really I did not get was, if I am a ... fraud... why bother attracting MY attention? Why not just ignore me?
I even saw kenneth and stared at him from across the street as I went to sit at the park. Well, well, well, they do so easily grow ... BOLD, do they not?
Anyway, I was just deciding that it was about time I took on the idiots, even the spirit of God, and showed even him that he was not only outclassed, but whatever he thought he could harness, I could do MUCH more, when I went back to sydney. I had already had some guy who owed me money from way back when cash me, and mwale also did the same, so I knew I was not stranded, when, as i sat and talked to this other guy, not only do the duo of the boy and ms short and dumpy walk out and walk past me, but a few seconds later, on a scooter, the imp rides down. Frankly I could have said that that was it, but as I said, the idiot has a death wish, because I had walked down to tell mwale what I had done, but also that I had left the stuff in my jacket at the park and would go get it.
Time I get back, he is sitting with abisha and they are being handed down drinks by these white chicks. I walk over, get a drink also, and I turn around, and see the same scooter the imp was on. By the Blue Bottle entrance. He comes out, and I want you to notice this, he does not speak to me, but to abisha, telling him to get rid of this guy or he will speak to the council or whoever and they will then remove abisha and everyone from the area.
THAT , for certain did it. I laughed out loud. I just do so LOVE being put in a corner.
So, well, what can I say? I am NOW certifiably OVER the wall. I have become MAD, and the good thing is as I like it, there will be NO reversal of this. Oh, I am so going to kill you all.

babylon are ask 'prince' are what your temper

none of them can handle the judgement- a

me giddem 100% -a

the fire where are burn from epicentre

the whole are babylon army get run over

a prince almighty are him turn rambo-ya

them have fir give up

while them still live up

tell them the youth them cup full and it are run over...

The mistake you fools make, made, is in assuming that you can hound me out of places by harassing me or something like that. You really would just be opening the way for your own demises. I even tried hinting at it, what with the vision of that red haired cop and where I knew him from, but of course, that is all dream stuff, right? And then, the bit that even NOW I do NOT like, where the me person has a bald head- showing his thoughts- and has the woman under his left armpit -smacks of rejecting the woman to me:=> LEFT, get it- and asks this woman with MAKE-UP on, and lips that definitely are NOT hers- maybe she would be thinking we can forget about the past, and 'make up' and is still listening to whoever she thinks has got a better grasp of things than even I do- whether she will COME with "US", and she, looking to her right- rights?, like she has any, ha ha- decides that she can not look after the child on her own, and then she looks to her left and sees a very angry me, with hands under the table, a bare table, looking like, and this is the sense I got, of she ever tried to pull that stunt on me I would strangle her with my own hands.  And then she says, "i will bring you a cup of coffee, and for fucking crying out loud, she spoke as a normal,  brought down to earth, person.
And I, HATE coffee, just so you know. I have decided to go sugar-free. And natural when it comes to lubricants. This is NOT about what I want, I have made it plain lost of times already. Guess somebody is in for some tough, personal choices. 

Snap, I was forgetting. I will MENTION it again, just so that we all know that well, I will steam-roll over all opposition,  The WEATHER shows that you are all about to die. And lets see if any PITIFUL  contrary wind can PREVAIL over it this time, shall we?

Mongrel Could Never Compare To Pedigree

Maybe it is the onset of maturity, but when you sit down, and accept the simple, obvious fact that to YOU can be applied the sobriquet, "AlMighty", and when you look around and realise that everybody is convinced that you are wrong and they are out to correct you, based, ironically, on visions that they somehow interpret in such weird ways and try to cram down your throat, visions given to YOU by a God Who, when you told Him He was making your life difficult, SAID, "My yoke is easy and My burden is light... and my yoke is as academic to the fish (Isaiah 6 vs 1-13)", which should mean that He would never force on you something you do not like, well, maybe, then you decide, hell, let me FLAUNT what I have, and have it start hanging out, and not only start hanging out, but start ALL coming out, so that at the end, well, the absolute FURY, the Complete Master of The EARTH, will undisputably be ... revealed, oh, yeahsssss!

I started yesterday. With the mist over the two mountains. I have NO idea what was up with the rest of the area, but all I wanted was just to start SHOWING off, that here was no ordinary homo sapiens, that here was HOMO NOBILIS, the ONLY being that actually has ANY pedigree when compared to you all, fools. I had no intention of coming down yesterday, because, you see, if I take more than an hour just to climb the fucking mountain, retching all the way, I need time to recover. Besides, I have nothing to prove to anyone, so, I slept, and thought, and when, late in the day I wake up, and the cloud cover is dispelled, I had this talk with God, "Your spirit is bothering me. From the time You showed an interest in me, he has been trying to lead me down a path he is convinced is best for me, and well, it is starting to piss me off. I do not want this to continue. I want to have total control over everything, because I want to DESTROY everything..." and I had my back to the ... outside... but when I happened to glance by again, the whole place was again misted over, and this morning, well, there we are, a PREGNANT overcast.
Now, I will be frank, I am psychotic in the extreme, and so, when I come down this morning, after remembering a scene from shrek where, after the ogre had dispatched that short guy's knights, he raised his clasped hands and was going, "I will be here thursdays... " and other rubbish, before he saw the crossbows, and I was just thinking the same from when I was still at my abode, and raising my clasped hands and saying pretty much the same nonsense,  knowing that there is NO weapon forged against ME that can prosper... anyway, when I came down and saw what must be (give these fools a day to think things through and they will come up with a formula that says 1+1=23) a foretaste of what is likely to be facing me when I make my way to kalk bay, I laughed.

let me guess, the married woman with the funny mouth is probably thinking, oh, that angelina jolie vision was about me. Maybe she does not let her husband get a whiff of what is between her legs, and so...
What AMAZES me is that such a person can actually IMAGINE that I would be interested in her.
I am flabbergasted.
I will look at myself again.
I HATE people.
I READ body language, and if you are off for me, I shut you off, and if you persist in trying to cross my path, well, remember what I said, I am WAITING to be provoked. Try me, and you will die all that much sooner.
Besides, she has a funny mouth.
The woman in the vision had a sweet mouth, and fuck, even an idiot... I am going to regret this coming part, oh God I  KNOW I am going to regret this part...KNOWS who I am talking about.
I mean, get real, God would NOT send me a vision about a person that was seeing someone else, when He rates me higher than anything else in all creation.
Of course there is a problem, here. Me, I got pissed off, by the 'I-will-correct-you' attitude of that person, so that vision notwithstanding, I decided to act as MYSELF, and for what was done to me, make sure that every culprit WILL pay.
For me the choice is simple. She may have taken advantage of my sympathy,  but that is all in the past. I have seen no evidence of ... change or inclination towards change, so, I take it that when push comes to shove, she will be joining the dead with those guys she is stuck like glue to. I have nothing to lose. In fact, I have resigned myself to the celibate life long ago.
She is so into the mother teresa role. Well, not on MY watch. ME, I do not allow hostiles or unfriendlies anywhere NEAR my sanctuary, and I am about to take steps to make this earth a bit more of a sanctuary for me, as I get busy.
Oh, and in case you did not notice;- the weather, it MEANS you are ABOUT to die.

Para Bellum

I am trying to figure out WHERE, in all my... posts, I actually said I had changed, would tolerate seeing the gallery woman up close and personal, or even mike. I can not for the life of me ... FIND... that.
Maybe it is because I said I was not angry, and they thought, party time. What, you want me to pretend like you fools do? Fuck, I have NO reason to even have to blemish the facts, they are weird enough as they are. Anyway, I came from fish hoek, and true enough, as I got nearer, (must have been the "I-do-not-want-to-be-a-golfer " thing) the first thing I picked up was the scary mobile. Now, I am as lusty as the next fellow, but there are certain women that, even if she was the last one left on the planet, I would prefer to lie with my hands between my legs than even contemplate such a ... disgusting... thing. She, the scary shary, rates among such women. Besides, i THOUGHT I made myself plain, if there existed any woman out there who THOUGHT she could stand looking me in the eye, knowing how easily annoyed I am, and WAS A VIRGIN, (maybe that part did not come out clear) who had never been in any guy's arms, and I could STAND such a one, then I would take her with me, destroying her family, of course, because for me, it would be enough of a favour just keeping such a one alive without having to worry about some possible interference in my plans from some relations.

I was therefore taken more than a bit aback then, when, on arrival at the building, I saw the woman, the toad, drive her almera away. Now, me, I have taken to talking to myself, because i have no friend, and i find the most intelligent conversation I have IS with myself, and I must have been seen muttering, taking off the shades that I ... acquired... from abisha which he said belong to his brother, just so that I could see that indeed it was SO that the scary mobile was where it was.

I may not have been amused, but i was not that upset, because, of course, I am going to kill you fools anyway, its a FOREGONE conclusion, there is NOTHING that any of you, or any power on this earth or whatever, can do to stop it. Another reason why I am so laid back is that I figured that TEN years will actually be full sometime in NOVEMBER, that being the time I left Zimbabwe, which was probably the REAL reason I got that wycleaf jean song, "gone till november", so between then and now, I suspect that, if I keep showing up, I am going to get REALLY upset, which is good, I need the provocation.

I also realised that the slk was parked across the street, and well, the idiot woman really HAS perception problems so I was not even the least bit fazed. I went to sydney, and after we had out talk he admitted- and I saw it was true- that he did not have the right gauge of wire for me to work with, so, I could just chill till later. I tried it, we even both went to sit at the park, and I tried sleeping, and even managed a few winks, and then, I got up. I needed some water, and this guy, brian's nephew, had been finishing a drink of his and I needed the bottle, so I took it, and walked down to find sydney and maybe brave the mountain,  and more vomiting.I understanf VERY clearly what is behind that, but the mistake the spirit of God makes, which he should have learned from the beginning, is that I am NOT designed to buckle. Put restraints on me and think you will stop me, I will drag those restraints with me till I can bash them against whatever and smash them. Of course, he probably wants to play the hiv angle. I mean, PLEASE. I am a guy who has amazing recuperative powers that amazed me even from way back when. So, that will NOT wash. I can put up with this bullshit for some few more days, but he should know that when God, who he does not look up to, said "in the last days (note, LAST days), I will pour OUT my spirit up on all flesh... " He did not MEAN that the spirit, who is but dust, according to Him, would reign; it would be REMOVED from all flesh, and I am just the guy to do it, because I am pissed off when an idiot steps on MY territory. I do NOT allow anyone to have his or her way with me. That is TABOO. Doesn't happen.

Then, there I am, crossing the street from the park, and who just decides to get on his scooter and shoot off right before my disbelieving eyes? Mike fucking townsend himself. Well, I have said all I can or will about him. Dead man walking, that is what he is. I have NO idea WHAT, really made any of them fools think I have changed or taken a different tack. Its weird. I do not care what they may think; they will DIE in the horrible manner I have already prescribed, or is it proscribed?

For MY peace, I will make war, totally ONE sided, and you have lost already.


























 

Prince Of Peace

It is very... weird... to be always confronted, one way or the other, by people that somehow seem to think they can make you back down, or be more friendly or ... something. The last day I wrote a post, I walked up from the houses in kalk bay cringing because I knew that I was going to be vommiting big time, as I walked up. I had written about a dog. Again, I had explained that the dog was ... symbolic... it represented a person, and, well, these very clever people, some coloured dude who stays at the last house before the steps that would lead up to the road which I would have to cross in order to get to that signpost "trapieskloof..." whatever, well, he was waiting for me just at that lawn area above the little mama's house. With one of his two german shepherds. He tugged at the leash as I passed, and I noticed that the other guy he was talking to, a blonde guy (what else) that I got into a not-fight with, guy with a name like 'vodka' without the 'k' sound, was also herding his dogs, but up that first left turn when coming from link road.
Now, I personally do not pay much attention to people, but well, I just noted that this vodka character, he had been trying to greet me, long time, and i would ignore him, and he would not seem to get the hint that I find him annoying, and do not seek or need any friendship from him.
Anyway, I walked a couple of steps up the mountain, felt my chest locking up, and decided to sit and let it  out. I could identify the oranges I had bought in wynberg, big ones for one rand each, and then the cucumber that sydney had given me, and it was rather... ironic... that I was bringing out only... fruit, or greens if you get my drift. The bread stayed down. As I sat there, just taking it all in, the ... maybe... wife of the coloured guy ran past beneath me with the other german shepherd, like maybe they were telling me, like the clever blonde chick who thinks my world revolves around her, that I did not have to go anywhere.
I walked up, gradually, took maybe more than an hour, till I reached my place, and went to sleep superless because I made the classic mistake when trying to use a lighter, which I had just bought in wynberg. They have a '+' and a '-' and that thing you move when you want to switch it on or off, and I was busy switching it off all night till I gave up. When I did wake up, I saw my mistake but decided I would fill my stomach and just spend the day lazing around, meaning I would be butt-naked, in my blankets, and thinking. So, I did not come down. This morning, when I did come down, there is the vodka character, in a beaten down minibus, and he times his coming down from the street he must be staying in just fine so that as I get to the lawn he is driving down past me. Any thoughts that I can not be seen when I am up there have long since been dispelled.
Makes me wonder, though.The simple things that they miss, and think I am just having fun.The thing these fools do not seem to perceive is... whether I like it or not, I am in PERPETUAL warfare against forces that even they could never comprehend, and the ONLY way to carry on is to, well, destroy the opposition. Which thing I am willing to do without mercy, without pity, because well, I not only do not give a fuck about any of you, but I also do not really give a fuck about any of you, just in case you thought i gave a fuck about any of you.
So, maybe the vodka character, whom I do not see with his significant other anymore-maybe she left him- thinks I can do AC/DC, or some such stuff. I do not know. I have seen faggots, even up on the mountain, right after I had said that I am not interested in any woman, show up, like I am some sex starved person. Its  weird, but then, coming from people that seem to think it 'normal' or 'ordained' that I must fall for a woman that belongs to someone else -how disgusting is that?- it pretty well goes to show. NO , I am in this for MY peace, and MY peace excludes everyone else, and if for my peace I must make war, and destroy everything in my path, well, good. As long as I can lie down at the end of the day and relax and there is nothing, not even a bug, to ... eh... bug me.
Now, I am tired of being insulted. I am unhappy, yes, but at the moment, I would be lying if I said I was mad. I do not FEEL mad. I of course have been thinking, about how silly fools would try to yank me in line by playing the emotional card... come to think of it, what was that apple chick trying to ACHIEVE by bringing that  doormat of a dog towards me while at the same time walking hand in hand with the pretender? Like, you, WORSHIP me and know you can never have me?
And when I crack my knuckles in annoyance, there she is, ready to let BIG BAD MIKE intimidate the one person that when you really get down to it, knows no fear and NO backing-down?
Fuck, I promised I would kill the fools, and kill them I will, and she will watch, and then I will kill her. I do not like fools taking me for some alien from outer space who reads everything wrong side up. I find it so... annoying.
Now, when it comes to... women. I have a simple test. I am a guy that is, if you have not gotten it yet, VERY unfriendly. And I have issues of TRUST where women are concerned that are so grave I have decided that, since (something which I decided this morning as I was about to come down) I have gone for so long without even having sex and have so gotten used to my own company that I am sure there will never exist anyone I would want to share my life with, then, if it actually happens that there exists a woman that has never even been in another man's arms, has never even longed for anyone else, and that person can have the guts to actually come and stand before me and be able to look me in the eye, and say that she would sacrifice her world (a foregone conclusion anyway, because no member of her family will live) then, if that person can really be able to not annoy me, I would probably take her, but I must say that this is one of those... long shot... things. I may not specifically want to play golf, but I also do not lower my standards for anyone. 

Rules of Engagement

them want me fir them

pon their cause where

never like when things are go my way

After a few days of madness, with the most common failing I have, sympathy, tripping me up and making me fail to realise that, when it comes right down to it, I could be said to be heartless, I have come back to my senses.

I FUCKING hate God.
I was suckered in by the song, but then, I am the kind of guy that looks at what something comes from, and where it was headed, and why it even happened. God came into my life without even a by-your-leave, and proceeded to try to run it, masking His... interests so that I had to find out what He really was after. To me, its simple, do not play games, have the guts to state what you want from the beginning, do not ... fuck around, and that is exactly what He was doing, this God, playing mind games with me and buffeting me left right and center so that I would get ANGRY enough to be the weapon He envisaged. The Asshole!
I felt quite relieved after last night to actually sit up and thoughtfully call Him names.
He had beef with His spirit, calling him/it "but dust", but never did He decide to DO anything about it. He even seemed to side with the rogue "word that put on flesh" that midget jesus christ, and sent so many conflicting messages, allowed conflicting messages to float around, mainly because He would NOT stop sending double-coded messages and just be PLAIN.
So, He walks into my life, and by so doing literally invites everything and everyone to wade in and have their way with me. I had to... back off... from a lot of things, because the pressure was intense, but the mistake I made, even implied, in my last post, was assume GOD would do something. He has never lifted a hand before, what would make Him start now?Right from the beginning, with my mother thing, I was on the button. He wanted me weaned from her, and THEN I would have no option but unleash the rage that not only He but also His minions, and then, of course, people, caused to fester.
The rules of engagement, from His point of view, are these, I am now a loose cannon, I control everything I can think of. I therefore... to put it in a less than dramatic way... am a bit... unstable, and apt to just go overboard at any time  

He was so ghoulishly relishing the day when He promised the till-then upright 'serpent' (fuck, anyone with brains and not the mental fixations that a fear of confronting the truth head on would bring can figure out that to tell a creature that it would go on its belly meant that it was NOT going on its belly to begin with. I mean, its THERE in the fucking BIBLE) that the seed of the woman would crush his head. He did not bother to explain that this 'seed' would have about as much choice in the matter as an eagle curbing its killer instinct when it espies prey from its lofty mountain top. He deliberately DESIGNED me as a killing machine, even from the beginning, bringing me back to life and carefully isolating me from any warmth, and sympathy by giving me wide awake eyes that made me grasp first the low tolerance levels for me in my nature that would make my integrating into any part of society an impossibility. Guy brought me back from the dead, and left me like a zombie thing, and I have to look at what I am almost afresh DAILY and can not stop from gaping.

I watched that movie, "hulk" the 2003 one, more than once, and way back then, all I worried about was my burning back, and the fact that at the small of my back, right where my spine curves a bit, I felt PHYSICAL pain even when I had not been touched or harmed at all. At 21 I was already walking like an old man. It was only when I was watching the trailers recently, that it occurred to me that I had been made into a freak, deliberately, by God.
With one motive, to KILL and not relent.
This is NOT, for me, about survival, it is about ... progress. I am a logical creature, and whatever circuitry that should have made me see people as important was wiped out early by this almost absurdly simple but inevitable, rigid, God-made-up system. And I get caught up in it so neatly even I have to laugh at it effectiveness.
God strolls in, makes impossible, disturbing, uncomfortable, statements and then when I try to prove Him wrong, I find myself in the wrong. So, I make the conclusion that He does not make mistakes, and so, I decide to see things, based of course on His statements and all I know about Him, in a manner that is most comfortable for me.
And when I conclude, as myself, what should be done, I realise that is what He had long shown MUST happen.
There is no room on the planet for more than one man. Especially if that man is a true reject, first ever, of the womb that bore him. That guy automatically qualifies to have 'dominion' over... you can read the top right part of my blog. IS it top right?NO, top LEFT, right under the title "The Champions".

This is not some sci-fi nonsense, I have lived it. And I know... stuff.He will not this pet-project of His fizzle off. Oh, yeah, He understands my reluctance to just do away with my mother, which is why He not only promised me a 'place prepared' for me to get me away from my mother, but also a means off the planet with that same promise so that I would not have to brood. But, see, my mother matters. I feel defensive especially over the way He wanted to gleefully thrust it into my face how she can not stand me. So, of course, she and those that are not just 'those people' to me, they do not get to die like ordinary people are about to.

Oh, yeah, I also figured out that instead of biting off more than I can chew, it is best for me to keep on with simplicity. When they make military hardware, they do it, like with the planes, in a utilitarian way. I would be lost at the controls of a jumbo, because it is made for luxury travel. So, it is back to the C-130. I will grab one. I saw an example of a cockpit. I liked. NO small computer screens. I can figure this out.

It says that TWO pilots are required. Yeah, right!
And, of course, there is the other thing. I never got to explain it because well, 45 minutes IS 45 minutes, which reminds me, I omitted people like whatshisname, kenneth from my list. I mean, his involvement in the kiss thing, and then the DOG, well, that was a bit too much. See, I really DISLIKE fools that think they can think better than me. I also forgot that cape to cuba guy, and who else? I will think about it. BUT know for certain that your deaths are going to be bizarre and, well, I am NOT interested in showing mercy. See, I was still dumb. I had a vision that I will REPEAT ...I NEVER told. I just zoned in on a dog, because that part-and for fucking crying out visions are SYMBOLIC; a dog can mean a person, not this nonsense that I have been getting like from this obscenely tall, yes, blonde, woman who thinks I will eye her if she shows up with a small dog that I would love to crush underfoot- should have been easy to see. And even THEN I never alluded to the dog in the vision, I just told the story of this dog that I had spent a lot of time with at an uncle's. But I had to live my own life, and it died day I left. I tried to POINT out that this person was about to die, because whatever stronghold she thought she had no longer existed, and as I said, back then I was dumb. I FOLLOWED visions, I did not make up my own mind.I got... instructed... instead. I wonder if anyone has any idea how INSULTED I feel by you people, how I am itching to turn the tables?
Anyway, there is this things about... fruit. I did not come at it from an I-am-following-God angle. I was thinking about me planting seed and actually waiting fro harvest. FUCK that. I will NEVER do manual labour, even if it is for my stomach. I would rather do without, yeahsss! So I asked myself what I would have to eat, and the answer was fruit of course, and it was only after I had settled down to that decision that I linked it with how God had let the first man in a garden where he did not have to bend to eat food, but merely pick fruit. Man disobeyed God, and he is told, "by the sweat of your brow you shall eat your food... for dust you are and to dust you will return". Me, I suppose I am different, even from the original man, because what he lost, I am gaining.Yes, I will eat fruit, but that does not mean I am going to starve now. I will eat food while I figure out how to... get away, and only later, when all other food is long gone, will I resort to fruit only. In the US. 

Lets just say that I am not really under God's law. I operate according to MY way of thinking.
But, Oh boy, I will DRINK lots of juice.

This is the funny bit.I was taking stock of myself while I lay on the mountain, basically confused, and I asked myself what I really NEEDED with dreadlocks. I saw myself in future twisting my hair and all that nonsense and I thought, fuck this why not cut it? Now, the night before last, as I lay down after exhausting all my food and thinking, 'water', I NEED water, I saw some lights from the other mountainside, showing that people, a group of them, were of course, across from me. When I lifted my head and checked them out, the lights winked out. THIS did not surprise me. When I came first time from pollsmoor and promised to kill the gallery woman, I had something set up against me. Vinnie had come back, wanted to go to grahamstown, and I was being kept busy polishing his stones, for which I got no money, and the kids, his landlord and crew, came to the fire, decided they would havesome poitjie, some stewed food, on the fire, and I had a share, sitting out front at the house.
As I walked up the mountain, first a mountain man car pulled by and stopped at the gallery woman's house. I walked by like I saw nothing. Then some dark coloured MPV pulled up in front of me, and stopped right where that mirror at the turn of the road is, and all lights were off. A ... concerned ... citizen would have wanted to know what was wrong, right? I went up the stairs. The mountain man bakkie  drove after. I climbed the normal steps, and the bakkie drove to where that house with guavas are, where the yard starts and turned back, with a flash light mounted and turned on on the roof. The flashlight was turned my way, I stopped, stared at the bakkie, and then carried on my way.
A while later someone was on the mountain side opposite.
This was intimidation and scare antics.
Not amusing.They just made me mad.

Anyway, yesterday I finally roused myself, and I was looking for a stream I knew of, from my first time on the mountain, but I could not spot it from my aerial position, and I concluded that it must have dried it. I was NOT going down, which meant, far as I was concerned, it would have to rain, and true enough, a wind picked up and some time later, there were dark clouds. I went to sleep, and it was during the night I finally figured out I was sitting inactive for nothing. So, I dropped all the pretence that there could be any amity between me and God, and i went to sleep, and was horrified to find, come morning, a strong wind, blowing from the wrong direction. Asshole, I thought, and then came down. Without my hat. With my hair making me look like a wild thing.  Even now, I was surprised by how people reacted to me. I ended up, because of the wind, and sydney's insistence at that place of mike's where obert used to sit and the woman that sells outside there went to sydney to ask him if I could sit a bit further in and not on the road.
Why did I write this? I have no fucking idea. I am, however, just pointing out that no SANE person would associate pity with me if one just took things as they appeared. I am dangerous

So... Sick

Never in my whole life have I been this drained of energy, this lethargic, this fed up with even the THOUGHT of mixing and mingling with people. I was going to sit around and watch as people died, but I do not even want to do that. Right now, all I want to be is alone, till I'm gone. I am so... sick... fo people.
As I very, very slowly, like a tortoise, made my way to fish hoek earlier, I saw the scary mobile, and she was driving in the opposite direction, to kalk bay, and unlike other times, I did not growl, shake my head or even get angry, I looked her square in the eye, wonderingly, and she had a very unmistakably smug look about her as she looked down while driving past that I thought, oh hell, get out of action for a single day and they come up with what they think are ways to trap you. Or maybe someone saw my lathargic walk and decided to experiment with her, send her across my path. If it had been days past, even last week, I would have felt a very strong urge to argue, to berate and to puff up with anger, but since I started coming to grips with the fact that God, the Almighty One, The Living God, the Creator of Everything... LOVES me, I have had no time to waste. I am the Most important Being in His eyes, and I am looking back at everything He did from the past, from the meeting Him and I had, the comet He showed me when I went outside to yell at Him in my parents' back yard, to even Him saying things like "I have claimed you for Myself", and all those things. I am LOVED, and since monday, when He corrected me, I have been so ashamed of the way I cursed Him that many times I think about it and hang my head in shame.
However, I did make a promise that I was going to come up with something that would, well, replace the plasma beams since I was not making myself felt enough. And well, the best way to do something, anything is to keep it simple. And to use the things that come easist to one. When I am upset, there is always WATER somewhere nearby. I was really pissed off by the stupid girl, and by the time I got to fish hoek, I was not surprised to find a bit of a drizzle. So, water it is, but this time, as I said, it will NOT be something that I wait around and watch. I am going to pronounce judgement now, and well, it will be set in motion, but as for me, aside from a brief stop today to see sydney, I am going back up the mountain, and only coming back down when I am leaving. So, people, THIS is what awaits you:-

Now it is a well known fact that the cape peninsular, where you are all lavishing your lives, was once underwater, all one has to do is watch the shape of the mountains, and the nature of the rocks. Down beneath you, therefore, is some boiling rock upon which the landmass you call home -but not for much longer- rests. Now, think practical. Above the boiling rock, there is BOUND to be more than one pocket of superheated water, that has no outlet. Now, here comes my grim judgement on my enemies. Fissures will appear, that will force the superheated water underneath you to show up, right IN the chambers of those that I have earmaked for more than just a trip to hell. Water of more than 3000 degrees Celsius will, when one does not even expect it, suddenly burn you, and trust me, or dont, but it will be very painful. THEN, once that happens, the rest of the world will find itself also plunging full tilt to hell.For you jews, think gas chambers at auschwitz, and then, get it into your thick heads that if God never bothered to save you then, He will not bother NOW. You were rejected a long time ago.
I am sure that certain corners there have (which is weird because for anyone to HAVE any impact WITH me, they have to have my approval, and I am SICK of everyone I have seen so far, so I do not see how they hope to pull it off) a heroine they hope to save the day. Get real.
There is
1) NO way I can get about MY business on this planet even NOW unless I get rid of people, destroy all manner of restrictions, which would be governments and arms of governments, just so that I can even start on my spaceship
2) I do not want, after this, for there to be anyone who follows me, any intelligent being that could possibly figure out, from clues I left, how i did what I did, so I have decided, with God's FULL approval, that not only every living creature, but every angel, demon and spirit, will, by MY word, which I UTTER now, in judgement set in stone, descend to hell, be contained in hell, and burn forever in hell, while I depart, and those that were in paradise will burn in hell also. I have no respect for anyone.
The eleven people that are dear to me, I will spare, till the revert to dust. BUt when I leave, in seven years time, they will die. Painlessly, which will not be the same for everyone else. Which reminds me, I need to mention the list of people about to be steamed!
First, of course, and for the reason that she seems NEVER to grasp, and the fact she never seems to GET that I do not and will never change my mind on this, is the toad, that dumb rumbak woman, because it is to me the GRAVEST insult to seek a woman for me when you neither know me, know what I like and ... what the fuck even gives you the balls to do that? So, I will have you.
Then there is the apple chick,the imp, mike, the pretender, ms short and dumpy, the boy, and basicaly anyone who works for mike who decided to make my business his or hers, the jewish hags who were coaching clive, clive, goatface, the cunt of a rasta... et.c.
The third group would consist of the other women who thought I was some desperate idiot or something, like that married woman with her funny lips who tried to give work to vinnie, and others like scary shary, red-breeches, that earenest faced bimbo, the little mama and family...
Then there are other irritants, like vinnie and tony, and vinnie's pastor and basically the entire congregation. I hate fools who think they are clever...
NOW, fools READ my earlier posta like you are so keen on and see if there is salvation for you
I am going to KILL you.
But God, I need orange juice. Funny thing. I found out that i could never farm, because manual labour is NOT my line, never has been, so i would only have fruit to eat.It was vinnie's pastor who ordered orange juice the last time we talked that made me mad for real fruit, and I have craved it like crazy, I do not think water was meant to be drunk. It has no taste. 

Seems Like I Am Top Dog

I am wary whenever I am told "I have a little something for you", or "you are in for a surprise", and well, today THAT was ringing in my ears from even before I come down the mountain, and so, I was expecting the worst. For once in my life, I was pleasantly... surprised, and about an hour or  before I ended up making the train journey, God showed me my surprise... Him. And I laughed, right before I wanted to have someone shoot me in the head because I saw the scary mobile... .

ndini ndakakubereka

kufamba nemotokari

kutsika ivhu reZimbabwe

Zvakabva kuneni

Mwanangu  kani wekubereka

I bore you

now you drive in a car

for you to step on Zimbabwe's soil

came from me
my son that I bore

Ok, let me drop it from the top:- I came from the library, and went to see sydney; the scary mobile was parked by the entrance of the gallery/offices.I decided to tell God what I thought of His... dilly dallying, and expected something BAD, but anyway, sydney said that he was alone, and could not see at the moment what work I could do. I decided to walk to the park; I had spotted the slk- another deluded female; I just hoped they would stay out of my way, I was not interested in their stupid opinions- and sat and waited, while talking to the congolese parking attendant who replaces alex mondays, and he was translating some drc songs which were a hit back in zim and whose meaning was, well, NOT quite the prudish ones we expected. I was laughing as i made my way back to sydney, who decided to tell me to relax, he would see what he could give me end of the day and I would not have to work. So, I went to the public toilets, talked to the two cleaners there and had a fun time, joking around. By that time, I noticed the scary-mobile was gone from view. I was rather relieved
My nightmare time came when I was left alone, the lady went to nap, and the guy went inside to drink with a crony, and i was basking in the sun, looking balefully at the mountain, and suggesting a million possible things that God COULD do so that I did not have to climb that fucking mountain again.
That was when He sent this song, and the sanfield and son vision I had had all the way back in 2003, when I had been suspended from kwekwe poly, came back, about the son, in the passenger seat yelling at his father, who yelled back, and then, after a while, they beat a red robot, and a policeman asked them what the problem was, and the son replied, its my father, he is blind. Which was funny, because if he was blind, he could not drive.
I realised that, with everything I had been mulling over, God had been showing me one simple, profound thing, even after what is for me up to now the most humiliating experience I have ever gone through,my jail term, that He... loves... me.And was pointing out that He knew exactly what He was up to, if only I would NOT argue with Him so much.
So, I laughed, and said, OK, You know what You are doing, and I do not, and I even added the quip by oscar the fish in shark tale "That is why You are in management, and I am NOT!". Anyway, I saw the scary mobile, and I was like, not amused, because the person was NOW driving right in front of my face, maybe on the way to fish hoek, and I was thinking that it would ... behoove... me to take some drastic punitive action as and when I had the chance, and so, I walked away from the toilets, went to sydney, who was staring to pack his stuff, and ended up across the road, again looking for the sun. I have NO reason to lie, I never even once looked up at the offices, because I have a rather fragile ego at the moment, and I was not interested in a stupid idiot with the sex appeal of an ironing board with two peas on it getting it into her head that what i said about not finding her attractive was just another bit of bullshit.
And i saw the boy drive in a few moments later, right by my face, and into the parking behind me. Well, if the effort was to make me notice the fools, they got some notice, I am GOING to do something VERY, VERY NASTY to them.I am NOT to be trifled with. They already owe me for the jail term, and they still do not have the BRAINS to know when to draw away while they still have some kind of chance NOT to pis me off. Oh, you will PAY, BIG time, fools.

hondo ine ropa

rufu kuparadza

matambudziko

mukati mehondo

usatanga imwe

hondo

seiko uchitanga imwe

hondo

mumwe wangu we

wafunga imwe

hondo

seiko uchitanga imwe

hondo

imi muchapera

tese tinopera

vana vevamwe

vanopera

tichasvitsana kumakore

usatanga imwe....

War has BLOOD
Death Destruction
woe
in the midst of war

Do not start another
war
Why do you seek another
war
You have thought of another
war
why do you seek another
war

You will be decimated
we will all be finished
other people's kids
will be destroyed
we will end up 
with this reaching the clouds

Oh, do not get me wrong, I am the kind of guy who will go a million miles to START war, I am just wondering why anyone would,  if they had a brain at all, want to get entangled with me AGAIN when I am already so pissed off at the earlier attempts to try to run my life, that I am quite ready to tear them limb by limb with my bare hands already. Fools, your deaths, they just became that MUCH more... painful.I have all of tomorrow to ... THINK them over.
And take it from me, I am the most cruel person you will ever meet, and wish you never had.