As I Prepare To Get Senselessly Violent...

I think it 'behooves' me to see if we are all on the same page here. I do so hate being out on a limb, so I will state my side of it, and then see whats up, and then, of course, I will start PHASE TWO of my plan, which involves my departure and your demise, but not in that order.
Right, first order of business is a recap of what happened last night, when I eventually got to kalk bay and it was around seven, dark already and I decided to go into that restaurant to buy lentils.
I looked at the price tag under a particular brand, and took that went to the counter, and then there was an interesting scene there. The new owners do not barcode their stuff, being probably pakistani, they must have a fear of some of the technology. So,  the price one of the guys yelled out to the one at the counter and the price I had spotted were totally different, and I was aghast, and waved an imperious hand at the guy, telling him to come see for himself. It was MY mistake of course, because what I had picked up was NOT what was advertised anyway, and I made the same mistake a second time by choosing another brand that  had a price different from the one I saw beneath it. Only third time did I get the right stuff, and we were all relieved, and I walked out.
When I opened my mouth to speak, a guy who, for some reason had walked in immediately after me and stands maybe 6-3 or so, and likes wearing blue shirts and tight pants,  was visibly shaken. First time in a long, long time that mike townsend stood as near to me as he did then, and well, my thoughts were, Give it up, you are scared of me, I am scared of nothing, and I am going to KILL you anyway, so stop annoying me, but I suppose he follows that group of people that do not use their senses to register a person. He has a certain preconception, maybe, or his head is addled, but well, I wondered just what else I was going to expect as I walked on towards the mountain.
Of course, according to you all, no one could be actually serious about doing away with a whole planetload of people, but then, as i said before, fuck what you think, I am in this to do as I PLEASE.
Anyway, as I walked on past the tow kings, I picked up the squat shape of the slk hard by the olympia cafe, and when I looked up, the shutters were down, there was darkness, and it seemed la parada was  also closed, so it left only one place that she could be. The cafe. I read some sherlock holmes, see?
So, I did what I do not normally do as I walked past the cafe, I looked in like an envious black man at the white people enjoying their night out, and spotted them first time off, and my first impression was of wet hens. Ever seen one?A hen shows its despondency very easily, and when it is wet, it is like all life is gone from it. There she sat, side by side with the pretender, near the entrance, and I could not help laughing. Maybe I was supposed to be ... moved? Or maybe they expected cracks in the armour, or maybe I was supposed to be jealous or maybe feel some kind of pity for them, I do not know, they do not tell me. All I felt was some disgust, and I went up the mountain laughing as usual. I wonder what it is that makes them unable to credit me with some direction. Or just get it that what happens, their fates, will happen because of ... ME.
I think the real problem is the ABSOLUTE POWER thing. I do not think any of these arrogant ones even want to, even privately, acknowledge that I am the be all and end all, or that what they did to me, the way they used the system that backs them up because they have the dough, to try to get me to be snowed under. I remember that mike came out on april fools day, said I had been threatening 'the girls' which was so insulting to begin with because there were no 'girls' I threatened, and I wondered even then why the girl did not speak for herself.
But I suppose she has the zombie mentality, a sort of follow-the-path-of-least-resistance button that enables her to just negotiate life on the easier side.

Well, because of THAT, I spent 2 months and 25 days without my freedom, and got out on the twenty sixth day, and she had the gall to try, after reading my post on the dog,( which vision from day one I obstinately refused to let out, because i knew how clever these fools were at trying to trip me up with what they thought shoudl be done) she shows up with a dog that was 'better behaved' and looks at me like I should view her with pleasure, the cunt! Like I wassupposed to let bygones be bygones because I was fighting bigger people than me. Well, 
I AM the GREATEST THING any of you will ever see!

I will destroy your world as I promised, and everything will crumble before your face. Just you wait!
Like I did not have to leave anyway, but could stay around and enjoy the bullshit they dished out.
Ha, I am set on my course, and I am LEAVING. I am going to make you stupid with grief, and then take extreme pleasure in rending what ever threads remain of any hope you may have.
Call me sadistic, but I will have my revenge. My PAYBACK!

One Thing I Will Never Do Is Walk Away From An Argument Till I Win It

I am sure everyone is thinking that everything I am uttering is blasphemous, that NO ONE can be an entity all on his own and have power to do as he wishes because God would  never allow it.
You forget two things, ONE that it is happening right before your eyes, and two, I am not in this for a popularity rating, I actually do not give a batshit about what anyone thinks, I am going to do as I please.
but, right now, it seems there are contentious factions, and so, I am going to systematically destroy any room for argument, before destroying you all, but in the order I stated first.
See, the thing is, I have had high standards all on my own, but used to think that everyone, even  God, would make me swallow even rubbish just so that I could... live.
He started showing me, WHEN I was badmouthing Him, which, FYI, I do like breathing even now,  that I was NOT just an ordinary person. And I was secretly amused when it was arranged to start this conversation in my hearing the day I got my haircut, about a guy who did not believe in God and who went to space for the hell of it.
Duh,  going to space requires scientific know how, or dough to employ the people that can get the job done, and nowhere have I ever read that someone had to have an all-night prayer in order to get to space.
Which is why I am out to prove, once and for all, that the buck STOPS with me.
I mean,  come on, I INTEND to kill you, ALL, and I am  gathering myself for the plunge,if only you assholes would open your eyes and see the obvious, like the ... funny ...weather. This is NOT something that any living being, great or small, and certainly not some misguided fool with a hole between the legs,  can change, because I do NOT listen to people, especially when they choose to argue right or wrong with me, like they hold some moral barometer which I must adhere to.
I intend to knock that fallacy right where it belongs, to the ground, and well, I know that you probably do not believe this, but if on the outside, when I am seen with people of my own kind, I appear a friendly person, well, deep down, I am actually quite ... cold, and you could say,heartless, remorseless and homicidal to the extreme.
Lets say that if I say I hate you, I am looking for a way to make you suffer, and by God I will make one, impossible as it may sound. MY one problem resolved itself a long time ago, because I recall more than once telling God that He would leave me to be ... instructed... by fools about life and all that when it was His fault that I was alive to begin with, and He was not giving me my freedom to do as I wished. Funny thing, the same One that said He had claimed me for Himself also seems to be 100% behind any crazy venture I take on,one because I do nothing because I want to be seen or known, but because I find that that is what works for me, and two, because I just can NOT stand compromise, which is why this bullshit that happened today just made me think, nuh, I am going to have to REALLY educate them fools about who the fuck rules the roost, whether it sinks into their tiny minds or not. BUT no one, when I am done will have the least bit of doubt that when I say I am the alpha and the omega, I mean just that.

So, I came to kalk bay, and of course, my first thoughts were of my stomach, and when I got to where abisha and mwale were sitting, I was told sydney had gone back home because he had forgotten his keys, and I was of course, not really amused. It was even worse seeing the almera there, like she was so sure that she is not going to be the first person I kill- I HATE that woman with a passion that, if only she knew, she would have run a million miles away already. The arrogance to try to find, for ME a woman, like I do not have the ability to choose for myself. But I am sure that she thinks she is heaven sent, on a holy mission, but we are about to see that,  are we not? Whether some God or angel is going to deliver from MY hand!- that she was eager to show me up. I ignored people, at first, then I had to walk up the alley a bit to be sure that indeed,  across the street, was the slk. My, my, my. I could picture this scenario, some fool twists everything their way and thinks, she is the weak link, he would never bring himself to kill her, so as long as she defies him, we are all safe.
Like that very wonderful timeI bared my heart only to find, with kenneth in attendance, the couple kissing, and then she, thinking me some drone, actually tried to cover up for the fool, and hung on to mike the night I came to kalk bay after I had failed to just ... leave.
I promised revenge, and revenge is what is going to be coming, full and unbridled. oh, YEAH-SSSS.
Anyway, there I was,  thirsty, and I decided to fetch water in the toilet and then go by some drink-o-pop. Now the yellowman, he must have changed cars, mercs, because the plates of the car he got into were not the CA 496 ones that I knew before, but different, but what amazed me was that the fools, so confident that they had me cornered,  would still, when they saw me walk by, pull down the shutters,  like I was not supposed to figure out that if she was there, doing her, 'you can not live without me bit, like i am BOUND to the slut' he would not be somewhere in the vicinity. Anyway, I laughed to myself. Fools are about to get LESSON number One from Prince AlMighty, and that will include all things like they should never, ever underestimate someone who has in his mind a detailed plan on how to exterminate not just the entire human race but all LIFE on the planet.
What can I say, I basically HATE every living person, and the only person that made a mark on my life, well, I have dismissed her as a slut, and I do NOT take something that has been in someone else's arms.
The weird thing is, without me even trying, I find things that tally to some things I was ... told... about some people, which point should  raise the question, if ANY of you were not too dumb to actually grasp it, of how come God would tell me about what people were thinking if that was meant to be used against me. But I realise that reason is not the strong forte of some people. I also realise what God meant, REALLY when I was like, the woman is dressed like a whore, and He said,"its a question of faith". It actually means that she thinks she is on a jewish version of a jihad, that she somehow has misplaced brains for 'faith' that she will prevail, so, anytime I distance myself from Him, according to them, they are free to move in because God would fight for them. Allah-U-Akbar.

Fucking idiots.
We shall see what success your holy war will have against me, because the stupid thing you do is assume that I have weaknesses for you to exploit. 
I do not see it that way. I feel fine the way I am, and am happy with myself first time in 32 years. I am free of my mother, and do not have to accept any bullshit from anyone, because I have the right to smash any opposition, left right and centre, and what I want you to know is that I am GOING to smash everything you have  thought to use to make me fall in line, and then,  when there is NO place left to hide, when there is nothing but despair and the cold realisation that I am about to rend your lives piece by piece, when that adrenalin rush has worn off that makes you think, fuck, we will fight him, and you see that you are up against, as I have said before, someone with NO remorse, and with ALL the POWER in his hands, THEN and only THEN am I going to say that there is NO more argument, and kill you all.
But for now, I am sure you think there are lots of stones left unturned. Maybe like that dumb rumbak toad, you think all that is needed is a whiff of pussy to make me wet my pants and become a reformed person, and I wonder where you will unearth a woman that, at this juncture will do anything more than piss the daylights out of me because of that same presumption,  but hell, please try. Only when you have thrown in the towel, when I can gloat and smirk as much as I want, will I kill you.
After all, this is jihad, right, anything goes.
Make my day.Some achmed would not go down bad right now.

So, POINT of contention number I was that I said I had all the POWER and did not need God. Despite the fact that it was fore-told in your own scriptures that "...A child is born, and the government will be up on his shoulders, and of the INCREASE of HIS government there will be no end... and he shall be called... AlMighty God..." and God did give me that silver spoon vision way back when which has the start of Isaiah 9 on it, "those who dwelt in darkness", meaning any fool could link the two and figure it out, well, I am not a prayerful person. I am practical. SO, why not just ... watch... as I start unleashing what you do not believe God would invest in such an insignificant being.

Point of Contention Number Two seems to be the sex bit. Having gone without sex for more than 2 and a half years now it appears that everyone thinks my hormones are on overload, that I need to find someone to lay BAD, or someone to masturbate over. Some crazy lunacy like that. I see the women LOVE that bit. I wish I had the flexibility of you all,  that I could get so aroused and swoon over women like you all seem to want. It does not seem to get through that if I was interested in getting laid that much, I would have made plans for it.
I was actually, after the low point of my life when it ... seemed... someone cared, and I got a hug, thinking that someone out there could actually ... LOVE... me.
Turns out that what I thought was love was just another window-dressed opportunity to get me to stop being me. And it is fucking annoying that I want her to suffer for that. I want her to watch as her world crumbles, and then she is going to look me in the eye, as she finds out that everything about her is shuttered and I will then, like the conquering lord, wave my forefinger before her face, to show her that this should never have been done, that once you start to deceive, you weave tangled webs (my first lesson, her last!) and then as I turn away, the earth will open up to swallow her and she will join those she tried to get me to bow down to, in hell.
But of course,  do not take my word for it. Or rather, take my word for it, because the difference with me is that my word; I back it up. To the hilt. And nothing will make me change from this.

see, the diff'ence wid me

is that when I do what I do
I do what I'm doing

Ilike I'm doing it for TV

I have had so many sentimental bullshit traps thrown my way, like from when I mentioned that pink panther thing, and everytime I seemed to wonder from what these fools thought I should do, some fool would be told to play the tune, so I could be reminded of what I should be doing, when in effect the WHOLE thing was about me telling that chick that if she did not change I would make her suffer. Did I not mention that part?  But no, I could not possibly destroy people's lives, could I, so I must be the one to change. ha ha.

There is this other one, another personal thing, that isaiah 6 vision where  the famous quote is, "seeing you shall see and not perceive, hearing you shall hear and not understand...", and THAT is a message for THIS people, "till the earth be laid desolate and the lord have removed all men far from the land"
Now, tell me again that I am supposed to live by some script that you fools pick for me.
Oh, jesus h. christ, let me laugh my laugh.Then kill you!

Let The Bad Mind Know The Fact How We Run The Game

I spent the whole of yesterday in the mountain, sleeping, because I had to adjust myself to things NOT happening the way I had wanted them to, and then, after that, I woke up this morning, with just one desire, to let it all hang out, just so that there will never again be a question as to who is in charge.
Ok, where do I start? This has to do with women, and so, I will mention the one time I was ever surprised by the actions of a woman and it took me a whole nine months to want to find out if there was more to what I had experienced than I thought.
I came out of valkenberg, and had some boys laugh at me. I was basically homeless, I had parted company with the girl I had been staying with, and made sure that I would be dead before I ever saw her again, and I had NOT died. then this coloured girl, her friend, gave me a hug, when she saw me standing forlorn, unsure what to do next.
It was that hug that made me wonder if she was interested in me. As somebody. truth to tell, though, everytime my thoughts went her way, I would get a vision of her in the tavern I used to work, looking towards the dj box, and thumping her right hand over her breasts, and then straightening it like a hitler salute, and I got to understand, gradually, that she was saying to herself that she was better than me, and thought me a rather lowly sort of fellow.
At first, I wanted to grab her anyway, you know, the way any guy can get any girl by saying the right words, but the final nail was put in the lid when I had another vision of a guy called paul -her name was paula- who was chasing this blonde girlfriend of his (we were both staying at happy valley by then) who was interested in another guy that seemed to dance easier to her tune, and I was explaining to the said paul that I could pick her up, paula, and carry her, but I would have to bear her ten years, and God is a God of thin violence, and well, after finding out for myself that she was about as liberal with her body as a bitch in heat, and that she had a boyfriend she was living with, I decided to think twice and then, backed off.
That was when michelle pereira entered the scene. I was now focusing on the problem that I was ... alive... and not likely to die off as I had hoped, and I was going to the simonstown library, and this small white chick, well, we started meeting up before the library opened, at the bench just outside. She tried to draw me out in talk, about what I thought of the place, and I gave monosyllabic answers. Thing about me is, first thing I do is study a person's demeanour, the way the person walks, the timbre of the voice, the general body language, and what I could see was that the woman was trouble. A clingy woman. A whiner. I had no time for all that. My life was difficult enough without the added trouble.
Then, after receiving a note from some pastor who was opening a church in the navy dockyards, as part of pastor shris ministries, she started on with me about coming to church. Hell, she even shouted out to me from the top floor of this hotel as I walked on the other side of the road that i should come to church, like I was guilty of stealing something, one monday as I walked to the library, after not keeping a promise to come to church as promised.
Well, I became so worn out after a while by her persistence- and not once did she even speak of 'salvation' or jesus, that I decided I would come once and then call it quits.
I did, and found out why she had wanted me to come to church. She had a child, a daughter, and when she introduced us, she had that anxious appearance of a person whose fragile sense of self-worth was under attack, and well, I was diplomatic, and just said a few words, and pretended that it did not matter, though I wondered, since by then I was not staying even at happy valley but, well, in this sort of cave overlooking it.
I was, of course, at the same time realising the calculation that was going on in the woman's mind, and I was less than impressed. I was done trying to get myself tied up with people who had their own problems. I could not die, so, why bother humiliating myself?
Then, because I grasped it, the one morning I was coming down for a shower and just saw noah's ark, that flat topped stone at boulders beach, the vision of that angelina jolie woman, but with a sweet smile, came to the fore, although I should have paid attention to details, because the stone was NOT to my right as it should have been in real life, but to my left, and, well, anyway, being negative, I was wondering if this was the woman God has selected for me, and if this trend that one marries a woman with kids by another would haunt me also.
So, I became more than withdrawn, I became aggressive, and insulting, trying to break free.
There was, of course, a friend. A woman that could pose on the cover of a magazine and be absolutely breathtaking. She had that shiny blonde hair that well, you rarely see in public. We met when I, now staying at the fisherman's hut by the beach, decided I was hungry and wanted to go find some guavas to eat, did not find them in this side street and when I ended up by the court, they were still rather green, and I was walking back. Apparently, the street I entered was the one that had butthead and family in it, and he came down after me in a chevrolet bakkie, and made a U-turn just by me. I stopped, stared, and ms picture perfect leaned forward, so I could get the full effect.
Problem with all that was, let us just say that I am not the kind of person to be used, and THAT was when I started realising just how ... terrible... I was.
the day after, after thinking about it, I got a prompt, from the lines of sean paul's song, the original, "gimme the light":- they better move fast/before we get cross, and immediately I was like, I want a woman that is michelle's size and has her friend's hair.
I SUMMONED someone, get it?
In all my life, I have NEVER seen anyone act so terrified of another being the way the woman acted. And when we finally looked at each other, eye to eye, I realised that her face made her the kind of person I would not want to be around, and so, without thinking about it further, I rejected her, and there were other women, and I would look, and find something wrong, and turn my back, and walk away. Of course, it did not seem that I was actually overriding some people's freedom of choice, and even when I thhought about it, I just did not give a damn.
MY point is, I said I am going to summon my three enemies, and then kill them, FIRST, and well, I wonder if they know the fact how we run the game: I do NOT have to be holy, pious, a believer in God or whatever, I am the boss, and I do as I please

This Is What I Call... Inconsiderate!

After all the efforts expended in trying to show me how wrong I am and all that, I expected a bit more of the same today, so that we could lay the matter to rest, people would die, and I would prepare to leave, but I waited the whole morning, and having all the patience of, well, me, I ended up having to just dump everything and walk away. The fools; this is what I call fucking inconsiderate, very inconsiderate.
I suppose I am going to have to call them out, you know, 'summon' them and then kill them?

I mean, I have been finding out that I really hate playing second fiddle to anyone, and well, after what I saw yesterday when I came back to kalk bay, I expected some kind of ... demonstration of how I should change my thinking. Thing is, I bought no food in wynberg, but instead decided to buy rice at the local shop near vinnie's house. But, because I am also, well stubborn, and I was hoping sydney was still thinking of going up the mountain to get firewood, and so we could walk up together, I decided to procrastinate a bit, and go buy some drink-o-pop at the tuck shop near the station. I was just pocketing the packets when mr yellow man showed up, from a swim, I suppose, in a swimsuit, with some guy. There is a shower right by the tuck shop, and as he turned the tap on, I was walking away, whistling the main bars of the song above, and I just kept on walking.But it started drizzling, and I went, 'nuh, too soon' and the funny thing is, its easy to start, not so easy to stop. I actually have to be calm for that to happen.
As I walked towards the 'offices', I saw that the people inside were dressed in some bright colours, there was one blonde lady with a red top, maybe ms short and dumpy, and someone that had some white outfit on. the rain was in my eyes, and, as I said, its not easy to stop it, but I made a sign, anyway, of tears running down my cheeks and sort of made a face, because i wanted them to know that the time for them to weep had arrived, and I walked on, and then up, alone, because sydney had decided he was not going up.

See that double window above and to the left of the sign for kalk bay modern on the upper floor? Yep, those are the offices that have caused me a lot of headaches in the past. She has her computer way on the other side of the room, but when she wants to make me aware of her, she is to be found sitting right by that window. I have discovered that my words mean nothing to her, because for some reason she knows better than I do. Fact that I am going to KILL everyone does not trouble her in the least, because she knows that will never happen, according to her. Or that I am actually serious about who dies first and all that, or why. These things do not seem to penetrate into her mind, because she is, by some divine commission that somehow escaped my notice, sent from heaven, to stop me from doing anything.
I blame myself a bit, there, because I am sure that the inference that there was a woman called michelle who replied to me after one insulting e-mail too many that the holy spirit had put her in my path to stop me in my tracks, and I laid it out as is, and she probably assumed that that was her role, when the simple truth was that she is the only woman I ever noticed, and found difficult to just toss away, because I found her so easy to read that I was more at peace where she was concerned than with anyone else, and I was wondering how to get through to her that if she did not change and stop thinking she was some modern day queen esther sent to save jews or more specifically, people like mike and that pretender, then I would kill her.And send her to hell.
But it seems we have had a conflict of interest, here, and I was hoping it would continue through to today,  because some people have ideas that do not change so easy. But no, no gallery woman was visible today, and none of them assholes.Its really very annoying, and very inconsiderate.

I think I will have to call them out, like the lip-less one called out the prince of troy.After all, everyone is so busy protecting their territory and all that, I may as well set out my boundaries right now, and show that there will be NO pacts of any kind, that no one will BURY these fools, because they will run away when they see the fury unleashed.
This is MY time!

Never we back down, never we stall, man stand firm like the Great China Wall.

Word Is Wind, Them Talking In Vain

I woke up, was coming down the mountain, and fo no reason that I could figure out, I was singing a song that, in retrospect, made me think, "NO, no one would be THAT stupid!", but then again, I realised that that could very well be what was going on. I got upset, and wet. That was not supposed to happen, yet, I did not want anyone on guard early on, no, I wanted them fools to come out of hiding like I was the idiot they figure me for, and today, my policy was, is, that there will be some picturesque barbecues and ... such.
The song, by a Zim cat, was about the guy complaining that he is light skinned, the chick is light skinned, so how come the child that she was saying was his was so dark, had a nose like a murderer's... ah, never mind... and a small head, and ears that were so huge and threatened to run away from the head.
So, I thought a bit about it, and was like, it seems rather like I am going to have to be really DRASTIC here. I was imagining that maybe I had got to the point where, against all reason, someone was actually THINKING of telling ME that she could not look after the child alone.
I know she is blonde, but even stupidity has limits. When someone tells you that he has looked you up and down, and found you disgusting to him, that he has decided, based on what you did in the past with who you did it, he is going to take punitive measures and that this is a done deal, set in stone, unchangeable, and that after that, after he has killed the three people that heve been thorns in his flesh the most, for their meddling and trying to make him look like an idiot, he will kill you, and everyone else except for eleven people that mean something to him, I do not think there exists even in a crazy person's mind any room for ... negotiation.
Die, period!

I said to myself, if they spent the night discussing how to stop me, again, then word is wind, them talking in vain/assassin and sniper is one and the same/coz if I am a sniper never miss where me aim, like assassin sang in his song, ruffest and tuffest.
Anyway, that was NOT even what I was coming down for. On my way from the wynberg, yesterday, I met a woman that had been 'married' to this guy I used to work with, prince, and who after I had tried to kill myself and ended and valkenberg had become rather tight with my folks back home, so much so that they chose not to call me but call him to ask about me, and i was not surprised to find out that the womanising guy and she had split long ago, and that he no longer stayed in capricorn, but in heathfield, somewhere with some woman.
But it brought me back to my very ... unusual ... past, a past where i had been dilligently seeking but one thing, and one thing only, how to kill myself and get out from under God's thumb, till I gave up on it and realised that He was serious about me carrying on with life. That would be some four years ago? Almost, anyway, because it was only after I gave it all up that He went, "September 18: Independence Day", and since it was October 2010, i assumed He meant the following year and went sort of catatonic wondering just what He was going to do on that day.
So, when I got taken out for a meal on sunday, september 18 2011, I just put two and two together and thought, maybe He meant that this would be the day when I decided to NOT have anything to do with a woman who had a child, as i had been prone to do, since these were easier to bed, being desperate.
It was rather a let down, but I thought it was how God rated me.As some sex-starved guy that had no principles and had to be led by hand. It was not till I actually, last week, just decided that, whatever anyone may have to say about it, they will NOT answer to God, but to me, and that I was setting myself up as an entity on my own, that I figured what He had meant, and the other thing that made me so sure was the October 22? post, where I had blasted God and basically shown that I was not under His thumb.And He had predicted something like that, a woman looking askance at the east (rising sun) as a light shined that was not quite what she had expected.
Then there was the king uzziah bit, about a KING who had wanted to be a priest as well, when he was NOT ordained as one, and so, well, you start getting the drift. I am NOT meant to bow to anyone, not even God. I DOMINATE, and I RULE. I have NO interest in people, I just want to have my own way. The fact that some people may be in my way, may think they can influence my choices, is unfortunate for them, because I will squash anyone that seeks to stand up against me. I want people dead, so I can move on, and I do not answer to anyone.
So, if anyone thought that there was some clause, some safety valve that would enable anyone to make me lose some of my hot air, well, tough, such a thing does not exist.
there is something else, that  2 kings 20 : 6 verse that God sent to me when I had thrown in the towel after breaking up with this chick that I had wanted to use to make my mother ashamed. There is a part in that tale where the king is asked, what kind of sign he would like, shall the shadow go forward ten steps on the sundial, or backward ten steps, and he answered that it could be done easy that a shadow go forward ten steps, let it go backward ten steps.

That tallied with my own thinking. All my life, I have been thinking, it is easy for God, after He has announced that He would do something, to do it, because everyone knows that He is going to do it, but to do it before anyone even suspects that He will is something else.
The 'ten million dollars' to build an ark where the ten years it took me, the costly ten years, to develop a character of my own and figure out what my limitations were, and therefore how to stick to being me. seven years, here, almost, anyway, and three years at home.
Till I could be a despot, someone determined to just have his own way.
Unable to compromise. Or try to please anyone else.

 

Now That You Have Huffed and Puffed; I'll Blow Your House Down

It is never a surprise to me that everyone thinks I am a pretender, that I am not really out to do what I say I do, but what really got me to almost laugh my lungs out while at the same time get really mad was what happened as I came to kalk bay.

Now, I walked there and from where I was standing I could not see sydney's stuff, and, having only R4 in my pocket and therefore very worried about my stomach while still feeling 'cautious' about what to do, I satrted getting depressed.I am going to starve, I thought, I am really really going to starve, and what is worse is that I have sort of made a pact that I would not work with anyone else but him, and so, I was feeling like a hungry man would feel... upset.
I saw the almera, well, I would have to have been blind NOT to see it, but since there was no mr-2, my thoughts went instantly to those days when she stood by her window so that the apple chick could drive towards me, and then exchange a kiss with the pretender. My ... miseducation continues? I speculated. I must be house broken, me the guy that can not ever compromise, at least, not for long. But then, they think that they are sent from heaven. And I started whistling the tune. 

I almost laughed, anyway, because you could have written the script yourself, based on all those times they tried the same thing, and failed, and for which, NOW, they die.
Anyway, because I am ... challenged... when it comes to access to a toilet when on the mountain, I went about my daily routine in the public toilet, plus, toilet paper beats leaves and grass any day, trust me.
Time I came out, the slk- it is a 350 actually, I could not help checking because I was like staring at it the whole of the morning- was being driven right past me in the main road, and she parked by the office entrances.
Education time, I thought. I was trying to run her thoughts towards me into coherent words, and I suppose she would be going, "You insect, I will show you, you say I dress like a slut, well, so I will keep on doing that, and I will come to work right in your face, and see how you like that!". I tried, God, I tried to see if she actually THOUGHT at all, but I stood by the rails at the toilet, and said to myself, though her appearance in the place belied any such sentiment, "Surprise me!"
Of course not. The only surprise was that when she finally did alight the vehicle- hey I grew up in the military- was that she wore that not-so-full overcoat.
I think her wardrobe is worse than mine. because unless she is like batman who bought the same model of car and had plenty stacked in his underground garage, she was probably wearing the same clothes, and well, having grown up with four sisters, and then spent most of my time horizontal with them women superimposed on me or vice versa ( which means nothing impresses me, cunt!) women SMELL different from men, and I remember being attacked by male dogs and licked by female dogs when I had impromtu sex in someone's backyard and did not wipe afterwards.
Anyway, she got out, and I was staring, and this guy- as I said, they sit down and try to find ways to break the One God predicted would be a rock that would smash ALL the kingdoms of all the earth, and these would be no more, meaning that the person has to be one tough and bloddy-minded asshole. ME, in fact- this 'bad' jewish boy, clive, walks up to her, and they start conversing. Now, I was waiting for some wire from sydney to do something and walk away, and so, because i am an extremely self-centred person, and my needs come first, I thought, sickening, and then, went and stood up the alley by the bakery, talking with mwale, while ignoring lesson number 29. I was NEVER good at being taught stuff.
Then I looked across the road, and there, showing his yellow belly, and thus the trap laid for me, was mike. 
My admission to making some signs- did i also say that I gave ms short and dumpy and the boy the finger, but in an underhanded way? I never could walk the straight and narrow, and I KNOW my temper gets me in trouble more often than not, but sometimes i do not care- was bound to draw him out, to make him irritate me so I could get another taste of pollsmoor. Now, some people are obvious, and this character, well, i have read him plenty times and nothing he does would ever surprise me, because, as I said, you people, compared to me, are quite ...umm... stupid. No offense intended, but that is a fact. Actually I intend to offend you all. Because, yes, I never did like and i never will love fans.Anyway, the sight of that craven idiot is always bound to bring out the worst in me, and when I weighed that with my belly, I decided that I better vamoose before i forgot everything and just blew up.

So, I was all for walking away, and there is ms heaven sent herself, still busy talking to clive by the entrance to the gallery and mike's offices, and she took one look at me as I said, "Fuck!" when I saw the walls closing in on me from every side, and she said a hurried bye to that curly-locks guy, and hightailed it upstairs, while the guy himself looked at me, though I am sure my face still looked the same, like, I guess, the face of a person who has the famed thousand yard stare, come to think of it, and his own face was ... ashen. I paid him no attention, paid no one no attention, just walked up to sydney, asked him if he was ready for me, and he said not yet, and I walked on, and kept walking, destination unknown.
What brought me up short was this girl/woman I used to work with in my time as Brother's employee, and i walked back with her and her workmates-the Area Cleaning ladies- and then when I did get back to sydney, he was ready and I sat where i had been yesterday, but facing the opposite direction. I mean, I SAID what was going to happen, and I am not interested in approval or whatever, so it is up to whoever to take it the way they want. Me, I do not give a fuck. I made my plans of execution based on my... prerogative... as the lord of the earth, and fuck it, it stands. So, the toad dies first, then mike and the pretender, and once that is done, everyone else follows, KNOWING where they are going, having had a practical demonstration. Of MY might.
You have huffed, you have puffed and I have been doing MY nails, now, I will blow your house down, and this happens like... NOW. Nuh, maybe after supper. BUT definitely before the week is out.

I like the weekend to be rather... spunky.
Fireworks and all that jazz.
I know that this sounds like something that can never happen, but hey, I know where i come from, where I am going, and as I said, I never did like and I never will love fans.

I Will Be Cautious, But, I Think I Am Done Here

The funny thing is that I have never ever come upon anyone that has the equivalent of my mental acumen, someone I could converse with as an intellectual equal; and so, when I keep things to myself, that gets taken as stupidity in a way.
I was just thinking about what I saw as I walked from the train station last night, and she was there in her offices, and I waved goodbye to her and then spat to show her she was rubbish to me, and reminiscing about the time she did all but make love to a toyota etios,lying on the bonnet and having her skirt ride up so that elf was getting an eyeful of her thighs, and make such gestures about the wheel of the car, ... like I knew squat about cars.
I figured it was the same here, that I was so dumb to her that I did not even know what to think and she was specifically placed to show me the way forward.
I had a deep talk with God, and was not impressed as I did so, because, hell, He has basically been uprooting me from one possible way of life after another, and I was wondering if, after all His grandiose promises about me actually getting to USE the prodiguous brain that I have for a change, He had run out of steam.
The verdict;- I will be cautious, but I think I am done here.I am moving out.You know the rest, but I am taking it step by step, because this time, I think the end is not going to be some gradual one, but sudden, and very, very violent. 
I saw something else yesterday that, on reflection, made me laugh. There is this guy who is shorter than mike, looks like him, and probably, with his wife, runs cape-to-cuba, that restaurant near the train station, and well, the whole morning this car with a ladder on it had been parked across the road from the blasted building, and when she came back, covering her kiddies-wear with an overcoat that did not even reach her knees (she must have an aversion to anything that even smacks of decency, its like she wants herself to be seen by everyone and anyhow, and she struggles to display herself in a manner that, truthfully, I have never ever seen ANYONE else even around her do) he walked into the building, and when he came out, he took a very long time staring at me, like he was at the same time waiting for traffic to clear up so he could cross the road, like I was supposed to be now appeased that since there appeared to be no one that was ... involved... with her, since he was married, and the other GUY who walked in was a moffie (see my point, males, males,males, she is disgusting!) then it was OK, I did not have to blow up.
And here I was, all the time, silly me, thinking that it was pretty obvious that when I said I was here to END lives, I meant just that, and that I had been kept back only because I was uncertain as to whether this woman was actually interested in me, would give up everyone and everything for me, or I would have to just kill her and go on alone, as I had already concluded would be the case, because, to me, being TOLD by someone whose brain is that SMALL that she can not even process the simple things, like if God said He claimed me for Himself, He would not therefore give me a vision or visions which involved other people who would have the ... power... to do with me as they liked, if you get my drift.
I doubt it, but I realise that handling the bare facts is not something that any of you is good at.
Which is why even nowadays I do not argue with people, or publicly show my anger. I let it out when I am sure I am alone, and out of sight. 
I have been less than amused over the years with the way my life shaped up. God did it deliberately, choosing His time to make Himself known to me.
A time when I was thinking, i have nothing to live for, as a person, I will learn, go to university, and then get a degree, get a masters, and then conveniently arrange my own demise.
First, there was the blatant challenge that my science teacher made at the time, that I liked the sciences but had no head for them, and so, when he suggested I take up things like literature at 'A' level, during a parents' day tour where my father took notes and my mother made it obvious she would rather be elsewhere, I decided I would take up the sciences any way.
God had happened, and I was becoming a bit self assertive

There is nothing like a bit of approval from The AlMighty to make one start feeling a bit more like there is something that is worth doing before one dies.
Anyway, I aced the sciences, went and did the combination that is known euphemistically as the Most Prestigious Combination, MPC;- Math Physics and Chemistry, and then, as I grasped that the ONLY thing I could become if I passed in Zimbabwe, for foreign lands were anathema to me, would be a doctor, I began to lament my choice.But I had already come upon Olber's Paradox and all those things that mad me wonder just what the fuck was going on out there, the red shift, the blue shift, and I was also, at the time grappling with thoughts of what God expected of me.
Then came the Goldbach Conjecture, and the first time I grasped that God was also into ... math... when He spoke to me about the falco effect, and I became the only person to solve 'the puzzle impossible to solve'
My life became a downward spiral. From being a lackadaisical person drifting with the winds of fortune, life became a series of hair-raising situations where I was forced to make choices that to people at that time made no sense, hell, even to me, and yet, in hindsight, were my reactions to the need to NOT be deeply steeped in life and the ways of people.
I was not just a rebel, I was something else. I was dead set on NOT getting on in life the same way everyone else was.
I wanted something ... easy for me, and there was NO way I could get that without conforming to the standards. I was told, just bear this for a few years, and then, after a while, you can do your own thing. BUT I could not stand even a few days, and I hated God for making me so, unable to compromise that my life had to take these difficult, despicable ways.
yesterday I was asking Him if He had suddenly realised that He could not get me to the US, and I was saying to Him that He had made it impossible for me to die, so, if I ended up stuck here for any longer, them fools would be all the more eager to 'teach' me the right way to live, and was that something I had to put up with any more?
I had dug, found what I was looking for, and now, had no reason to stick around, so, WTF?
As I said, I will be cautious, but I will be very surprised if this week ends like any other. Very surprised!

 

My, My, What An Interesting... Day!

I can understand people having trouble agreeing with what I say, fine, but then, I am not in this to make friends or  even to lower myself to your levels. I am here, for now, to simply KILL you. What I can NOT understand is the fact that, despite everything I say/write/communicate, some fool thinks that there is some loophole for him or her.
It is quite unbelievable.

if me take it tell them

them woulda say I lie

them woulda say I lie

them watch and damn this is a swine

certain things me nuh inna me nuh  inna...

me nuh bow fir benz me nuh bow fir beemer

No dirty hand cant cook me dinner

certain things me nuh inna me nuh inna...

sensimina to me brain no coke no coke inna

no morphine that me killer

bad mind cant come catch me off guard...

Let me assume that the silly woman was actually trying to make amends.I will point out the multitude of things she did wrong.
1) Showing up, for work (bear in mind I had said that she is the only reason some of you mantain your continued existence up to now, and yes, I know, I have said "NOW" you will die too many times before, so THIS time I will NOT say so, I will just SHOW that there is no longer any reason for me to hold up) when I had just pointed out that I was not ... amused... if she kept reminding me of things and links that had a past that for me was unsavoury. And she sticks to mike. How revolting! I mean, even if he is not there, the mere fact that she is working for him, however, and wherever, well, it makes her a dead person walking, and the thing is, I recognise the fact that everyone has the right to their own choices, which is why I am being very democratic about everything, choose, and if the choice is not me, I kill you, because i can not abide conflict of interest. I HATE arguing with people.
Apparently, she assumed that her pressing needs over-rode mine, and show up she did, and I will be frank, here, and blame God, otherwise you would all be dead now, but I did NOT see her slk- another mistake, I hate that blasted car- but what I did see was the scary mobile, right by la parada. You know how it is, the women can not grasp English, must be a jewish thing, I think they only really understand art, jewellery and money, those things that really are not PRACTICAL, so when you say, plainly there was only EVER one woman that you were ever interested in, it means to them that you are interested in them, even though they were under some kind of lip surgery that makes their face hideous and you do not even know what  to DO with that one if she was ever in your vicinity unless to see if you could open up the stitching once more... I am like that, I SAID I am homicidal, and have not come upon anyone that I do not instinctively want to kill, well, there was one, but well, since I am going to kill her anyway, she no longer matters.

As I said, I did NOT see her, and what I DID though was walk right clear of the mr2, and go sit across from the entrance of the olympia cafe, and when I looked up, since I was facing the sea and my right eye, which used to be the one that I focused with, and which, since my eye problem has ceased to be, so that NOW I see better with my left than my right... well... the point is that I did not see INTO the office, because also of the glare. But I suppose she was there, and well, I did not see her, that is the point. I DID see, however, the pretender park his A3 near the entrance to the offices, and saw him walk up, and then, just so that they could make me see that I should see them, him and the boy decided to ... converse... right by the side windows.
I was rather disgusted, and as soon as me and sydney had doled each other work, I decided to go sit near the blue bottle entrance, where I had my back to my number one enemy's car, which had been parked and she had also walked up, when they all saw no visible reaction as I probably, according to them registered the presence of the "love of my life", and decided she was too valuable to be wasted.
Hell, I would like to strangle the bitch, manually.
So, I  went and sat, but after I had gone to the toilet and come back and was laughing and shaking my head at the simple stupidity of people.
Not even a minute had passed when I sat down when the pretender came out, got into his car, and we stared at each other and he drove off.
Then the silly bitch made mistake number two.

2) Testing me. You do not walk out looking all  mournful and think I will pity you when you are pissing on me. I have said I am going to KILL those fools that you associate with. That was for what happened, and that does NOT change. And the fucking irritating thing is that she thinks

that looking sad without changing to please ME will get her off the hook. Fuck, do I look like some father christmas? Or some pious forgiving pope that will say "bless you, child " and have you recite some hail mary's so that you will be forgiven and the slate wiped clean.

ha, she came out a minute or two after her beau/bro (whatever, it is all too disgusting to get into) had driven off, looking like her world had collapsed, dressed like a lady of the night, and in irritating high heels and drove off. THAT was when I saw the slk, and my first thought was to rant at God for making me miss seeing her in the first place.
because then you would be dead, all of you.
I am not interested in being merciful to anyone, I will have my retribution, and like it or not, death, for you, is here. This week will NOT end like other weeks have ended, trust me on that!

So, I was like, thinking. I had seen her as if she was naked, in broad daylight, and seen the look on her face, and we had looked at each other, and my earlier conclusion had been re-inforced:- THIS is what I am waiting for? THIS piece of shit? I wondered at God really, then, and I will be honest, He replied, with a line from a song that I loved growing up, because of the VOICE of the guy, something even God took advantage of.
"It's a question of faith", and I was like, I see her, and she is right now so disgusting that i would not even touch her with a long pole and those gloves plumbers wear when handling shit detail.

She looked disgusting, with a crotch length skirt and a pair of those stockings that are thrown in to add some kind of decency. I could see right up to where her legs met, and i was like, "yuck!"
What was wrong with a decent skirt? for crying out loud! I mean, does she actually get up in the morning ( I think she gets paid tons of money, so she could afford something that at least is meant to do what clothes were designed for, by God, the One Who first designed APRONS from animal skins when they had covered themselves with leaves after seeing they were naked!) and think, I have nothing to wear, so let me take my neighbour's 6 year old's skirt and pair that with my stockings, and I am cool?
I mean, what the fuck!
The song, anyway, has lyrics that go,

"I know I been living the simple life

really thats the main thing

 nowadays nobody speaks about/

the way they feel about things

I know I need something to set me right

but now it seems there is nothing

nowadays nobody thinks about

a way to ease the suffering..."

and true to God form, for some reason I am supposed to ... complain? Then what?
I sort of get the picture, but for me, whatever, I am done saying the same thing over and over. I need to get out of this dump, and get on a plane- ooooh, that must set your teeth on edge, right?
Anyway, she would still be disgusting even if she dressed better, because not only is she wedded to mike, she also looks down on me, and there is the matter of her latent/closet sexuality that makes me think she would always like LOTS of male company. Me, I want someone who wants to be with me, and far as I can see, she is not it, and she was the only one ever really up for consideration.
i saw ms earnest-faced also, and I would have wondered why they were making themselves so visible, these women, had i really wanted to, while I still sat where I could watch the upstairs windows, but i was distracted, lots of times, by my minder, I guess.
I mean, this is the reality on the ground. If we met on the street, any time, any day, we would pass each other. I know absolutely NOTHING about her, and what I do know, makes me mistrust her, lots. We may come from different backgrounds and all that, but fuck it, from ANY cultural spectrum, she is disgusting. maybe she thinks its fashion. But then, she is blonde. And many blonde people are to be found on the cover of magazines. Seems reality and all that does not suit them too well. They have to have a life of make-believe. Like "child" that is not hers.
Maybe that is why she came back.

With an overcoat on top of her frumpy outfit. When she did so, I do not know, but I watched as the boy passed me on his way to the bakery, looking all mournful -they must be practising, maybe they think they are not about to die, if they just show the beast some kind of humility- and I ignored him. I was not covered by the camera, but, silly me, I suppose that these 'trial runs' would have someone monitoring.
I carried on with my work, and that was the time the gallery woman also passed with some woman. I thought she was getting into her car, which was behind me, but I did not bother to check, one because turning in that manner without swivelling my whole body would have caused me INTENSE pain between my shoulder blades, and two, because of the obvious reason;- Who gives a Fuck?
Anyway, the boy walked past again, and it was only as I lifted my head and looked across the street, I saw the roof of the slk, and a moment later, coffee styrofoam cup in hand- oh boy, do you get it, COFFEE mug (I will bring you a cup of coffee!) I am speechless. NOBODY could be THAT stupid. I mean, I had a low opinion of her before, but this, this makes her even dumber than a fork. Without tines- and she walked into the office building. I need to laugh.
Oh, some people  REALLY think they are clever, right? How many times have I had to explain that the visions were given to me, and GOD fulfills His own word without help from any person, and anyway, if only she could really READ!
because in that vision, you dumb white cunt, the woman was looking to her right, had lips that were not her own, and make-up, and she was saying, "I can not look after the child alone", and then, in SHOCK, she turned towards where I was sitting ALONE on the beach (strand, like leaving her stranded, if you get it!) and she said, with HER own lips, no pretense, "I will bring you a cup of coffee" like she was considering what was REALLY about to happen.
Very different from your ... STUPID... we-are-supposed-to-stop-him-take on everything.
I mean, how STUPID can anyone get. maybe there is a song about stupid people. I will look into it.

So, this is what heppened, she saw that the pretender was probably in danger from me, had him whisked away from me, and she then decided that she would talk with whoever from a safe distance, conclude that for things to go well for her, she needed to work at mike's because she could not look after the 'child' on her own. Hell, you will be able to LOOK alright, as I throw him to hell before your eyes, but look after him, ever again? Forget it. Think about all that money you are leaving behind, all those insurances and all that, because leaving them behind you are about to.

I am ready to go right now, ready to go right now!
I mean, fuck, where do these people get off trying to make God's word to me come to pass in THEIR way and forget that THAT will never happen? I do not bow for no one, and as i said, I am not interested in arguments, it is my way, and my way ONLY. Period. Dont like it. Go to hell. REALLY!