Now, I am inclined that way, and the thing is, I have been overlooking the obvious when it comes to WHY the fuck I wasn't doing anything except griping.
Of course I have a reason, and the best way to tell it is by getting it straight from the Absolute:-
God, after Solomon had built a temple, and in dedicating it had said, essentially, "be reasonable, God, because everyone does wrong, but if they do, and they come to this place, then hear from heaven, and... let bygones be bygones, OK?", replied that very night and said to him, "If I shut up heaven that there be no rain, or if I send locusts to devour the land, or if I send pestilence among my people, if My people, who are called by My name, will humble themselves, and turn from their wicked ways, and pray and seek My face, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land",
and that, of course, meant that The Almighty was saying, forget the bullshit of thinking you will contain Me in a place and I will become a fatuous Watcher over your misdeeds, letting you get away with whatever because you will come and say... 'I did not mean it'... when you are found out.
He would, this God, make sure He turned the screws, and made the lives of the people so... miserable... till they decided that they themselves had angered Him, then they would look and find where they angered Him, and let it go, and then come to Him, and THEN, instead of Him saying something like, 'good, now let us be reconciled', He would show them [which is the real meaning of 'forgive'] just HOW much they pissed Him off, and He would make the land that they had caused to groan by their deeds to find rest by punishing these people.
He did that, remember?
When the other king sought Him, and repented, and He said He would not send this destruction on the people in the days of the said king, but in his son's days.
And Israel went into captivity.
So, let us not have any... bullshit ... about this, OK?
Now, when I was... upset... and I complained to the very same God, Who had given me life, and added fifteen years when I wanted to end it, because there was NO way for me to ever be ... free... to be me, He in effect made a promise that He would give me ten women who would enable me to ... build my domain.
And there were ten women who, despite the obvious disadvantages that difference in race, social status and all that would have meant at the time, made no bones about actually... lowering themselves... to a point somewhere beneath me.
And I have written from different viewpoints about each and every one of them that everyone who has read what I am posting knows about them.
THEY are the ones who made me realise just how... angry I REALLY was.
And how I would want to take my revenge on people, and do it personally, in some cases.
Now, of course, someone may argue that I am looking for sympathy or some such thing, but I have no funny bone in me;- I, if I were white, would be livid right now, with pure RAGE, but I am not, thankfully, the showy kind, so it suffices for me to say I am angry, and I am itching to kill those very same people that have made me so angry, and not let a single one of them escape my clutches, because I NEVER let go once I have decided I am going to handle a matter. Like the same crocodile.
So, allison, you will have to explain to me just what you were thinking as you walked all the way up and down and attracted my attention, all the time being privy to everything I wrote and making as if you were just genuinely interested in me, and a strnger to boot!
I hate pretense, and I promise YOU I will find a way to break you, so that you come of your own volition on your knees, and THEN I will wreak my vengeace not only on you but on everyone like you who made light of everything about me.
Everyone else I have figured out, and dismissed, except you, and so, my ire is focused on YOU, and you are actually lucky that you never showed your ... offspring... to me, because had you done so, I would be gleefully telling you right now that I am going to make you watch as I kill them, and then you, and then destroy everything that your hands touched and leave not even a memory of your passing, just as I will DEFINITELY do to butt-head, michelle, nicky? and her mother and all their kin.
You alone arte the one in the grey, and I am very, very, very un amused by you.
The clock is ticking for you, and the choice is either you do this on your own, or I MAKE you do it, and then I destroy you.
Guess I can not be clearer than that.
You tackled the WRONG man, baby, and chose the wrong person to play hide-and-seek with.
