First Blood

This is about to get crazy, for you, coz some small asshole has pushed the worst thing to ever walk the planet way too far, and well, like dmx sings, 

its about to get ugly
whenever dog I'm hungry
I guess you know what that means
come up out off that greendrive dog of off the ravine
dont make it a murder scene

But, first, watch this clip, so that you will know the 'previous', which is the future, or rather the present, but that was in the past when this was presented to me, and it bided its time, till yesterday the asshole showed his hand, and NOW I have his life's end in my sights.

Now, if you watched the clip, then at 57 seconds you saw, as he was about to the forced to have a shower with no soap, one red head was standing beside the one holding the 'expert in guerrilla warfare' in an arm lock.
now, what does THAT have to do with anything?
I will inform you.
So, about two years or so ago -and THIS is the reason why I even bothered, yesterday, to include the little mother, because i was trying to get to the bottom of this, and before that it was nicky? and her brother- I had this weird 'dream' where the red head  copper-kid was cutting at some girl who had her left hand literally stapled to a tree that was leaningdown to the left of the 'screen', and the guy, making scratches at this girl with his knife, was asking, "why are you bothering about this guy?" and that was the point that I rushed into the fray from somewhere into the background and the staple fell off of the girl, and she went and hid behind the same guy who had been making the 'cutting remarks' and stood behind him, and I , inexplicably, lay down and stared upwards, and the guy said "now I've got you",  but immediately after wards,  a pair of scissors appeared in my head, and I drove them into the guy's mouth, and while he did not get hurt [guess i just "cut him off], the whole thing disappeared and then a sword was in my had, and I was standing up, and I wanted to cut at his midsection, but he said "what have i done to you?", at which I switched my intent, and then after considering the part of him just beneath his chest for dissection, I finally settled on his neck, pressed the word against it, and then the girl who had been hiding behind him grasped the safe edge of this sword with one cutting edge,a nd she pushed it into his neck and he was behgeaded, but the head fell bloodlessly to the ground, and sprouted a normal trunk and legs, which  looked like they were both left feet, and he limped, in a hawaiian t-shirt and summer shorts to some spot in the background, and then the girl was ... eh, standing by my side, with my left arm over her.
That will have to do for now. The rest is in the pipeline. while you digest this I will try to frame the words that will explain why the last woman is apparently the chick I was laughing at for walking with the guy that tried to find me,and pissed me off with vinnie's landlord yesterday over a 'book', and sealed his fate, Shateron indeed, fuck you asshole!
oh, and by the way, THIS is about racism, so 'smart chick' you lose, you lose.
fuck, I hate you so much I will be pleased to end your life.

See, this is what happened.
i was standing with abisha on that low ridge that lines the clearing in front of the outspaan restaurant and waiting for this lady who had ordered a lampshade which she had returned for faults to come and pick it upwhen she returned from running, when this ugly motherfucker who had tried to stalk me, even ending up with me in muizenberg some time, passed by with this chick that I had seen him with the other time as he and the girl walked to 'johno's, the asshole being vinnie's landlord -fucking cunts ARE reading my posts, and so, we should all come in the open anyway, and if it is war, fuck, the maverick is READY NOW, and tired of being defensive,and a "word merchant", so, you do not have to worry about bringin it, it IS already brought, fools- and i had ignored the chick because of the fact that i want 'loose' women that are not attached to anyone, and she was therefore invisible to me.
but when i was standing with abisha, he commented on the chick, a slim beauty, and i could not help taking her in, and fuck, she IS a stunner, but I was taunting them with mavado's "Real McCoy" song as they both passed by again, because, of course, they were boyfriend and girlfriend. Following day, they showed up again, but I suppose the girl gave up when I mentioned who the 'last one' was, and this is probably when the asshole who has some kind of 'authority' over her decided to 'teach me a lesson' by orchestrating that "shateron' episode where both he and 'johno' with the latter asshole standing by my side were going -just after i had written about a book i read- 'this is the best fucking book i have read... what part are you at?...bla bla'
Ok, i got the message, especialy as i saw the shithead with BOTH dogs and the chick absent, but fuck, why did she NOT come out in the open on her own?
I am supposed to be a 'mind-reader'?

*********

ANYWAY, thing is, there was a lot happening yesterday, and at one time, if I had not been 'forewarned' and therefore directed to the proper point of view, I would have missed both the deal and the fact  that apparently, when I SAY things, it takes a lot of time for the message to get across to some people.
i suppose even contemporary art chick was peeved with me, and it was only when i was told of her presence -trade secrets, but hey I walk with God, ha ha!- that I saw her drive by, and lost interest anyway. Since i was laughing at the little mother who wanted her kids protected, and showed up with them, and made me really ... amused.
ah, FYI, you assholes are all dead, and i will happily do it to you, all of you. YESSSS
anyway, i suppose the little fool, the c.a.chick was not able to actually get it into her little head that I actually HAVE a primary directive, which is to kill and destroy and that everything else is secondary, even her, and that, much as she may NOT like it, she IS a recess project, when i have nothing to do, but I am not so sure about now, because i was 'informed' that i am in the fishing business,. and i would "use cheddar as the bait and recruit the rat", like damian marley sang, which song is rather appropriate, because,see, the ONLY type of women that could be ... safe around me right NOW would be the women that have NOT exhibited some of that condescending approach to me, and are NOT , well, assy.
And have shown themselves to tremble in my presence, like the shock the olympia chick  exhibited.
helll, I have nothing GOOD to say about God, so how come anyone expects me to be glowing in praise of some pretentious silly fool who tries to get me a label when none will fit on me.
I am unique, and there is no one and nothing anyone can liken me to. I am unlike God, so i  can not be attributed His nature, and I am unlike any person, so do not think to classify me like any of you fools.
I am THE maverick, which says a lot about my independence.
So, of it has sunk in, I will have 27 women, since it is not an easy road to freedom.
Or, maybe, if the egos of the four women, five with the canadian chick, are too big to fit into my ways, there will be 22, which leaves me with no problem whatsoever, since i will have  plenty of distractions for when life becomes too much for me to live, since i hate being alive anyway.... .
So, THERE!
Take it or leave it

And I hate waiting for some silly bitches to decide whether I am the real McCoy or not. They follow now, or get left behind, yessss!

Maybe this song will illuminate a few things, and the late zim guy who sang it did so in english, and the only shona word there is "mamoyo", and moyo is heart, and so "mamoyo" is a woman whose totem is, as mine is zebra, 'heart', which means she dos NOT eat a heart.
think about it.


Anyway, the mav. does not hide, the mav is getting ready to throw a spanner in the works, and THIS time, there is NO backing down and no stalling.
the baddest, the maddest, did I say the maddest, is here, and to stay, YESSSSSSS!

never we back down
never we stall
man stand firm like the great china wall


YESSSSS

Speaking of "many men rise and many men fall" I guess by now you should be aware that i am ready to take on everything and everyone at their terms or whatever, because the biggest does not ever give up, never we give up. i have swallowed your bullshit and it has not knocked me down, and I have kept on growing and growing,and now, i am bursting at the seams.
The MOTHERFUCKING champion is fucking HERE and ready NOW,  to kill, to destroy, and end your miserable lives, ha ha!

man are stay pon toppa tings
hotter tings
dis king selassie watch your judgement coming...

we nuh trust them
 we nuh trust them
even if we bust them
we nuh trust them
stay fire nuh touch them
we nuh trust them
nuh trust them
informer me say are most them

Man are stay pon toppa tings, hotter tings

them nuh like we
them uh like we
 through we burn out corruption
them nuh like we
them nuh like we
through we come from
[the mountain]
them nuh like we
[act like none like them]
them nuh like we
nuh like we
through we
[bow down to none o' dem]
them nuh like we

nuh like we

[THAT IS WHY ME BURN DEM]

Well, since i never APPLIED for this, and it is there, and someone else wants to fight it, then of course, i am ready to just pour out my anger on the motherfuckers and bitches that think they have more of a right than me to be not only alive but to OWN a piece of the earth, and this is the whole deal, is it not?
I am the LORD of the earth. I go where I want to, and woe to anyone that presumes to put boundaries on the one with the leastest to lose, and the mostest to dispose.

Ah, that means everyone out there.

OK, then, it IS over, I have attained terminal anger, and NOW the worst thing, the last thing someof you will see  before I rend you limb from limb is out, and i did NOT need to be isolated.
Let us dance the dance of death, with your lives at stake, fools.
I am pulling the switch, and plunging all of you into MY darkness, yesssssssOh,yessss

The Assassin Returns

 I read a book long ago, in my formative years, and one character in it struck me as both unlovable as well as tragic, because of the 

nature of the work he was in.He was a killer, and he went by the name decado, and he had the sobriquet "ice-killer" and the fact that he had been able to find just ONE person in the army he had joined who could, in practice, hold his own against him, had led him to an obsession to find this guy and force him to face him in mortal combat, because he knew that he would prevail, and kill this man. The book was called "The King Beyond the Gate", and the funny thing about it is that the ice killer was stopped from his purposes by a storm, and the storm led him to an abbey where he spent most of his later years as a mere gardener, till the time came for the 'abbot' to reveal himself as a "knight templar" who had been waiting for this guy, the best warrior in existence, to come and lead the  "thousand" in a promised war effort. decado thought it eminently silly, and a fraud, that he should have sought 'peace' only to find that he was meant for war.I find myself in a similar situation, because the "unseen academical" had the mask taken off rather dramatically over the course of the day yesterday and this morning. Of course, i have spoken of this before, but NEVER has it had this ommmph, and anyway, i have been rather grimly amused by the antics of women who have ... ahh, I am getting ahead of myself.  Let me see just how this looks on my blog first!

Ok, so i SAID there were 3 confirmed women, and then, last morning i half blind as I am, got a distinct impresssion that the very same woman who had been trying to get my attention and not be left out, the funny-haired one who almost had me  go after her, was really pissed off at me, because I was actually being presumptuous, and me so low down on the ladder as far as superiority was concerned.
I almost laughed, but then, my beef has always been with God, and I was really worrying about the 'mother' of this sexy chick in canada, because well, i was worried.

Then the mother showed up, and she was smoking, and so I found that THAT w3as the reason why she had that irritating voice, and i looked her over, and decided that unless i had my head re-arranged, I am NOT going to be able to be in the same room with the woman, much less even think of putting ANYTHING in her. She does not do anything for me.
So, I suppose I went "?!" at God, ignoring at the same time the antics, of lack thereof, of the contemparary art chick, and the other one with her handbag malady.
After vinnie closed up, he wanted to get some pool acid at shoprite, and so went together, and i would have liked to relieve myself on the road back, but then i met some guy I know who sells ganja, and so i did my entertainment bit ( i apparently have a 'nice smile' and can 'get along' with just about anyone before i decide to kill them....) and so ended up relieving myself at vinnie's place. It was while i was downloading that God [think about His timing, but then again, He is always in control, see?] gave me, with no ambiguity whatsoever, the line from this dead woman's song, that goes 

we both know
I'm not what you need

And the song was featured in the movie of the same woman, called 'bodyguard' or something, and I knew then that this woman according to the way things should be, would be the ONE that did the unusual and convinced her daughter to be weaned off of herself and 'accept friend request' and also face the unenviable fact that she is going to know that her mother died because when it boils right down to it, I can NOT have fans or hangers-on stay alive.
So, I thought, Ok, then, if this woman is the fourth, the daughter that is, and she is NOT here, then WHO the FUCK is the last one.
Apparently a woman who convinces herself to see what she wants to see and does not really grasp the fact that I AM going to kill her son and daughter, both of who i have grown to hate, and who seriously piss me off, and HER as well -doubtful there- If I find out that she had anything to do with my humiliation on the mountain.
The little mother.
Because, you see, everyone is about to die, and that soon, and the thing is, I have always tried to keep it in, my very great anger at the way  everything is in the world, and i had been so busy thinking i was looking for ... love... when what I wanted were playthings at my leisure and my pleasure when i was feeling at odds with the world, like happened this morning when i assumed that the internet cafe in wynberg would be open at 8am,a nd i got onto a train, and came over only to wait for a long time before anything happened. Unused to waiting, I decided to ether chat up a girl, get some food, or both, or look for an alternative internet cafe. i was seriously put out at the fact that things were NOT the way i wanted them to be, and i was getting seriously pissed off at everything, ann HATING the fact that I was dependent on some silly thing that I DID NOT EVN WANT ANYYWAY  in order to get a message across to some silly puffed up bitches who thought I should tone down my high speech and choose ONE of them, instead of being so... imperious yet hollow.
Fuck, I see me killing them for this, really.
Fuck the twenty-four august thing.

I will have the twenty, and then the two overseas, and to hell with these pussies.

**********************************

Of course, the thing is, whatever happens today, or does NOT happen, I, as soon as i have some time to myself, am letting loose the beast, and will head home, the undisputed LORD of the earth, and will kill my family, and then come back and deal with the other irritants, and send them to hell forever. Nothing personal, it is just that I personally do NOT like anyone, and hate anyone presuming that I care, or even tolerate any nosnsense from them because they are... what?speacial. ha ha ha!
Prepare to die, fools. The assassin is back, and at sub-zero

Government will be UP on his shoulder

If this had all depended on... women, that is, my future, I would be seriously pissed off, but then, I am happy, or happyish, because my fate depends on me, myself and I, and this is how I found out, and this is how I can afford to be as magnanimous as I am being today. Maybe the ones that saw me saw just how laid back I was all day, except for a few minor glitches, but then, these assholes that do not get the point are dead anyway, so they can not disturb my peace...  NO...!
yesss!
 Now, I was busy regurgitating stuff yesterday, and the thing that was uppermost on my mind was the fact that I was... weak... and now, if some other person or factor had intruded in that case, it would have been summarily rejected, because I hate being under anything.
So, I climbed the mountain, feeling like an ancient, and then decided to test my weakness, and while I could not move the boulder that could have weighed ten tons -I will get there- I did flex my muscles by rearranging some smaller rocks and then throwing off the cliff edge a rather large rock.
This morning I was further heartened by discovering the meaning of the prophecy, in my life;- "For unto us a son is given... and the government will be UP on his shoulder, and of the INCREASE of  HIS government there will be NO end"
guess the thing is, I get more and more ... powerful as I get more and more unrealistic, and refuse to give in to , well, the laws of nature.
Because NOTHING must hold me down, ever.
So, my anger of all this time has been primarily against being ruled by ANYTHING, in ANYTHING.
Now that I KNOW that the more I grapple with this weakness, using MY power and MY might, and thus denying the stupid spirit his interference, then i am more and more free, till one day I kill the asshole, because THAT is on the cards.
So, I can be magnanimous, and unreasonable.
Ok, so I am supposed to have women , here, and now, that are five in number to get me to leave this place, and well, they would have to be lookers, see, and not the type of people that I would, after a little while, get fed up with, and so, well, I suppose, this is where God's prophecy comes into play, because I am still an... ass... person, I guess, and so, these are the ones, but there will have to be four HERE, since there is the '24 August' thing and the fifth is well, a no brainer, since I suppose she IS in canada.
Now, I TOLD you I do not think like you;- I AM after all, by any standards, crazy, but that is not a problem, the problem, as far as YOU are concerned, is that I am crazy and UNSTOPPABLE, and so, this is what I discovered today, when this woman who I had sidelined primarily because, aside from being the mother of the canada chick, she has a raspy voice and, of course, being a ... rich ... person, I have always supposed that she would have no time for any of this tomfoolery and therefore would laugh it all off, see?
then she showed up, presumable looking for vinnie this afternoon, and had her dog, and was quiet, and she just walked into view stood for but a moment, and walked away, and the thing that made me go, "fuck the 'rules'!" was the fact that as she turned I got a glimpse of her ass, even  hidden as it was by her coat, and I decided that -uh, I suppose you KNOW by now that that which is not so obvious is exposed by God through visions, and sooo ... - since NO ONE else could fit the mother and first [and ONLY?] daughter but HER, then she must  be the one, and so, hell, SHE must be going crazy about the mav. yessss?
mmmmh, we will see.
then of course, although she does NOT have
an ass like .... wow.. yet still the girl with the cleft chin, so, obvious, has left her mark on me, and well, I will honestly say I like what I saw in her, and hey, its MY life, so, hell, I suppose it has to be MY way, and she is one that sets me at ease, really. I like the girl. Hell, I am easy, I love the girl, OK? So long as I do NOT have to drag her into my life, that is. Because I will NOT do anything that puts me under anyone.

  Speaking of love, I was... happy... to find out that the same scripture that goes "today, ... do not harden your heart", when speaking of the Israelites was in fact based on the refusal of the same israelites to believe that God could do certain things when He had already proved Himself, and so, I was wondering whether I could have arguably the ONE person who has made the deepest impression on me; the contemporary art chick, because of her wedding ring, although I never caught her with anyone, and she even went out of her way to make sure I saw that she was uninvloved with anyone.
Hell, I was sleepless since I wrote the post that ditched her- again- because I knew my life would have no colour to it if she was NOT there.
i suppose that I would really be shooting myself in the heart if she was not there, so, now, will YOU please set my heart at ease, and please, just SAY something to me. I suppose I am willing to listen. For once.
the fourth would have to be...

hell, I will tell you who it is NOT, and why.

Not the 'smart chick', primarily because if God shows me someone's face in clear, then it means there is nothing ... more... to the person, my own conclusions are 100% accurate, and so, since I really do NOT like the presumptuos hussy, then, fuck, I am glad to be rid of her.
And her friend as well.
As for the mother, since she has done a disappearing act since i gave her a ... choice... then it means she HAS made a choice, OR she WAS involved in my humiliation, and thus, well she gets to die like her sprogs, yesssss!
And, as I SAID, I am getting madder with each moment.
I mean, I was supposed to move to S/Town tomorrow, but vinnie, who wanted to go with me, put it off till sunday, after church [him, not me], so, if you assholes thought I was supposed to wait for some business deal, hell, you got another think coming.
And anyway, I hate arguing with people, and having fools who think they can do the God-and-me bit better than me. I am unique, and well, these things that happen to me are 100% real, and whether anyone likes to accept it or not -like the sullen blond guy with his sorry looking dog and blonde chick [guy used to try to find out where I stay and yesterday, as we stood outside outspaan, me and abisha, he and his grilfriend passed by, and they looked like they would like to murder me, well, 'me are live my life, fuck them', or not-  this WILL happen and soon.
Anyway, the only other obvious person, even if I am not so easy about her seeming to use one shoulder to carry her bag or something since her one shoulder is higher than the other, and she IS slim, but I like, curiously, her nose, and the fact that she was rather obvious, is the olympia cafe chick, and so, hell, I suppose I am good in that department, yesssssssss! 

**********

Now that THAT is out of the way, I am left with just a few minor problems, here.
I really want to kill people, really, and just get all this my-dick-is-bigger-than-yours business out of the way.
Besides, i am rather in a desperate state here.
First, the other day, I got accosted by a guy called dillon and a chick called andrea, and they argued with me about christ, see, and we ended up in a stalemate, and vinnie put his two cents in and we ended up, at the stall praying -they prayed, ok?- so that God would act and stop me from using my head and start using my heart [guess that part was answered] but today it was worse. I got grilled by vinnie's friend, and he pointed out to me that I had run away all my life from situations, and was in the end back where i had started, and it would be best for me to go back to school and please NOT argue but accept all that they told me and THEN from within the system try to make changes.
he has volunteered to pay for a room for me, and that I should just go to church, and forget about the fraudulent part of christ, and just accept the 'good' things, like... [cant think of a single one actually, because i hate socialising, can not compromise, and want to HELP no one, or speak with people of my own mental calibre;- I mean, just WHO can think like me?]...; anyway, I am here, and at present, I am rather uneasy because people who get to see the 'heart' side of me tend to abuse it, and I would have liked to just rip into people, and start my own revolution, but I am now, a bit uneasy about THESE women. Since,. as I have said, God speaks about 24 women and 4 of these are ... here... and I am certain about three of them but have to rely on God for the fourth, which amounts to the same thing, 'which reminds me, two days ago i had this on my mind as i slept:-

     _____
x= 2x - 3 

And, in the dream I tried a very complicated way of solving this simple equation, and ended up trying to square things and all that, till, when i remembered that simple mathg in my waking moments,and reflected that x=3, and that the double line meant something like 'rule twice' or confirmed rule over, and that out of six women I would have three that I would confirm as being indeed under me, from that list; ah, lets see if that is true, before I get to my point;-
there are the four, yes, but I removed the small mother, rebecca,  and was left with, of the four from the last post, the girl with the cleft chin, and the one I had said I was certain of, who was not, therefore among the three that I was speculating over, so that means who else, fuck i will have to re-read the fucker, and post this while i do so.
TO HELL WITH that, maybe I am being too lever again, which is probably the point. I am certain about only three women, OK, as far as everything is concerned. I am not so sure about the mother-woman, because even irreligious me IS rather unsure as to how to proceed with her. So....?
Anyway, what was my point? Oh, yes i want to kill people,m and I need to be free of the family thing, and I am getting deeper and deeper into it, every time, and now, i am getting seriously rattled, and i can not act as myself.
i mean, the only thing that is stopping vinnie from getting in touch with my family is that he is concerned about my feelings as far as being on the streets is concerned, but once i am safely ... housed, than he will be relentless,and, well, i want to KILL my family, not be in good books with them, and this is where I am so torn.
I suppose i have two days to live, and I am thinking of king julian in madagacsar, who said,'if I had only two days to live, i would invade a neighbouring country, and impose my own ideology on it, even if they did not want it... I would become a professional whistler. i am pretty amazing at it now, but i want to get like, even better, and make my living out of it..."
I think the clip is there on YouTube

I need a laugh, before i explode, because THIS is beyond impossible.. OK!

"What is it, tell me?"
..."ok then, don't tell me"
"You gotta march right up to this vooman,  right,  look her right in the eye, lean forward, ok, just a little, almost all the way, and let her lean just a little vay  until you are just a lip's distance away from her, and then tell her just how much you hate her?"
Oh jees, i cant keep still here!

Fuck, I love this film, or rather, feeleem!
Ok, GOD is crazy. He has said all these things, most of them, in advance, and well, in mere words and thought-experiments transformed me, a piddling iconoclastic dilletante, into a machine of fury, because He promised that i could have a world such as I chose, and women such as I chose, and well, I would like women that well, fulfill my longing, women that come out on their own, and show themselves and their feelings, because I am ready to love someone or many, at the drop of a hat.
I suppose I am hungry for love, but  MY way., since
1) it is MY world, and I would hate to acquire and then kill women for being presumptuous.
2) women have a reputation of being 'fair' and so, if they are 'fair' in skin only but completely biased and locked tight for my key's use only, then I am happy, yes? This is NOT something women are renowned for. the girl that got God to tell me "what tangled webs we weave/ when first we learn to deceive" because  I was about to do what she expected since it was almost impossible to have her any other way, well, I met her four years later, tracked her down because some other girl had read in-between the lines and told me she would not be a substitute for this one, and so, i decided to find out what had happened to this girl, and I saw her in 2003 in the capital, and she told me how she had gotten married, and she was like, 'ah, well, so I came here from Gweru, my father passed away, and well, IT JUST SO happened that i met this guy and we got married' , like it was an accident that she was pressured into.
i suppose my disenchantment with women became an open wound then.
so, well, since it is MY life, i get to live it MY way, and to fill in the holes and relocate the riff-raff and make my summer palace ha ha!

Ok, then, what music does this justice? hmmmm! Taking a coffee break.

I wanna rule my destiny.

Numb

I suppose my biggest problem, the one that has had so many women try to drag me in the undertow, has been my need, my hunger for... love.
But these past days, since the 18th, some irrevocable change has taken place in me, and I have been observing some of the antics of these ladies in a dispassionate way, and really, they have ALL left me... numb.
Tracy Chapman sang:-

I make a fool of myself
in matters of the heart
the heart

Well, I guess my upbringing has had a lot to do with my insatiable desire for some kind of approval from SOME woman, and maybe I send out these signals unwittingly that women pick up on, because NOTHING else explains the frenzy I have had so far, as women insult, look down on, or make nuisances of themselves in order to get me under their control.
but there is something else that these women seem to lose sight of, and it is THIS that has made me as slippery as an eel when it comes to their grand plans.
I have more than my fair share of my anger quotient, and it is THIS that has become the dominant thing in my life, as i have stopped deluding myself that I will actually let a woman who, instead of herself coming out in the open and letting her own thoughts be exposed, poses around me and maybe drive past and maybe come and try to see if I am still around and not about to spontaneously combust or something like that, just so that i say, Ok, I am running after you, or someting like that.
Fuck, this is the part where God has stepped in. I wanted out, I wanted to just get myself a place and then go mad, and let the beast out, but try as I have to  provoke people to take pot shots at me, I have had some buffer that has prevented me from giving in to my impulses, because for some reason, I am ... curious.
Now, take, for example the chick I said I was ... certain of.
nothing could be futher from the truth. Look, I am done playing provoke-them-till-they-piss-me-off-so-I-can-kill-them stage; I have my death list written already and once someone is ON the list, nothing will get them off it, unless, maybe I made a mistake, see. Now, what does this chick who , like jacob putting out his hand from his mother's womb and then refusing to follow through, do? 
Nothing, that is what.
And i am left wondering just WTF her deal is. Really.
I am now supposed to try to figure her OUT? Fuck her. NO ONE is that indisposable, because I refuse o pave ANYONE's way for her. She wants something, she comes out and gets it. And on MY terms, not hers, and MY terms mean coming out IN THE OPEN, forsaking EVERYTHING AND EVERYBODY, FOR ME with NO exceptions, and then she gets to live. I  refuse to second guess anyone, and I refuse to be involved with someone who thinks she can slot me in between her dude, or kid, and whatever, because I am like NO ONE.
whether you like to accept it or not, I AM the Alpha and Omega, and there is NO law or authority that will either over-ride me or make me bend down, because I recognise NO authority but my own.
so, if the little mama assumed that I will go easy on her because i ... need... her, well, i hate her daughter, and will kill her son AND the said daughter, and her too if I find out that she sought to cut me down to size by humiliating me.
As for the drive-past and in-my-face contemporary art chick, well, you occupy a grey area in my life, and I HATE  being bothered by someone who has NOT seen fit to appease my anger by being totally open and... exclusive, because very time I see you, or your visibly parked car, I get rattled, and well, i am ... crazy already, and if it was not for the fact that i am NOT sure about you, and can not on the one hand forget the fact that you looked so genuinely woe-begone when I first decided to toss you away, i would gleefully tear you to pieces.
so, now, you have a choice:- ignore my words, and carry on, as you are, since only YOU know what you want, or expect from me, in which case I WILL kilkl you as soon as i get to the end of this freewheeling as I get to the end of this problem, OR, amand your ways, because I do not see me doing ANYTHING your way, ever.
I mean, fuck, you have spread your legs to someone else, and maybe, if I am right, also have a child, which, thankfully for you I have neither seen nor even want to see, which means you are already treading on thin ice, but IF at the same time you were bothering me you were even liasing with the asshole, then well, you ARE dead, and THAT is something I will not back down on.
then there is the pretty ginger-head, who, typically -are ALL women stupid or what?- decides to enter my vision, and yet at the same time never addresses me, but always waits on the edges for me to make some move. Like, fuck, what makes YOU so important that I have to bow down and kiss you hand, or ass?
fuck you silly bitches!

********

I have been... thinking, a lot, and what I have come to conclude is that, unlike everyone else, I am NOT ruled by my heart, or by emotions, NO, I am probably unique in that I am a cold, logical thinker, and can NOT bend to these sentimental feelings. Hell, I will put up with ANY discomfort just so that I do NOT give in to any silly... wishy-washy ... emotions.
i , for example, made up my mind that NO MATTER what line God comes up with, I will NOT bend to His commands, and the ONLY reason I am at ease as far as His designs on me are concerned is that I have conclusively concluded that He is exclusively interested in making my problems His, and not leting me compromise, and so, I am cool with that, and I have therefore a decidedly biased attention span when He has something to say.
And I guess the only reason why I am even thinking of THESE four is the "24 August" thing, and the fact that, before all this, all I wanted was a piece of super

But when this chick with her buck teeth decided to feed me her ass and make me mad, i suppose that, for now, until I kill her off, I will NOT be interested in a woman with a super ass, and that is all good anyway, because I can count about, let me see, well, more than five chicks with great asses, like the glencairn golden haired one, the one with the incredible waits line and that flare, the Shopaholic girl, the girl who looks like the Shopaholic girl but had white skin, the girl with broad hips, the little polite woman, and of course, the uber-sexy poor mother, so, I suppose i am easy on the ass score, and I will gladly have some kind of variety, and not regret it, I think.

Well, of course, if I had MY way, and it had nothing to do with the .... trinity... I would be on a killing spree, already, but, well, everything in its time

those who player hate and keep on dissing me
tell them say them can not stop me synergy
then can not really limit me
matter how them mimic and them gimmic me
tell them say them can not stop m energy
i'm giving them the trinity

you must be kidding me

getting rid of me?
guns will blast like them boys in Trivolli
be in my jungle where them killers be
even in Italy them still consider me
one of the doppest
thats coz I lasted
the rest is so hopeless
Nothing BUT ASSES
I'm so focused yet I'm so blasted
big up the reggae massive
[Tony Touch]Well I dont need a lawyer coz there wont be a case
forget what you see know your life get your placeI'm the  dutty dapper down inna the base

I'm about to show you what respect really is

Punk cant know nothingNow i know you  really think you clever
But you cant stop me style dem -NEVER!
real push button, start with you ready fir whatever you tell me if you heard of me ever
them call me
the dutty loca, the tolly toca
man are gangster
man are gallis
man internationalisso now listen out
esa loca


....
but some boy want disturb me head up...and them dis me fir try get me fed up...
Friends and family them start get shred up...
better them fed up hurry up and get dead up
where them call me?
[sean paul]


Esa LOCO,
 [not Loca]

I'm mad, I'm mad, I'm REALLY MAD

I am a certified tyrant, and GOD, the ONE you all think will "stop me in my tracks" is going ALL-Guns-Blazing FOR me, and that means there is NO power that can hinder me, idiots!, ha ha!
ok, I guess now I have nothing more to say, i will observe, and hit the short circuit button if this bullshit does not conclude happily for me, because I CAN, assholes.
ha ha!



Rabadooo
cant see me!
i mean, fuck, what good does it do ME to see a woman and have NOTHING more than a glimpse? food is meant for eating, and should I go hungry because someone puts an appetising mean in a glass case that i can not get at?
am i supposed to be... happy about that state of affairs?
fuck that!
i hate being teased.

yeah yeah
yo if you the script well the game done changed
 dutty cop music drive them insane
world wide yah it aint been the same
jigzag zigaloo come bring them the pain



Still no luv none of them whores
Still I got a lotta of fine ladies at my dispose
nothing more need fir disclose
SP  are the dapper blessed with best metaphors
 them cant test  all my inflows
thats why all the fake ones them getting exposed...
blow them up make them explode
out of the cosmos make them know we are the utmost

co' we be keeping it live
 and we dont be talking that jive
dutty blazing it over jive
we nuh backslide

co' we everyday pon the campaign
non-stop we riding this train
Platinum, ice and all o' this fame
we change the game



dont know what them fools them fools be thinking
 I have fir wait them out and I wonder if them drinking....
we have fir line them up
and leave them decompose and stinking

Now< i was about to just sign off and well, leave it all as is, but there is something that happened the last time I went to the internet and posted the "juggernaut confused" tale.
actually it happened AFTER I had finished, and if the girl was latter confused because after her greeting my response was lukewarm, lets put it to aftershock, and so, maybe, she is NOT to blame for being rather confusesd in the days following, it was not her fault, although I have to say it would be pleasant to have her come up to me in public and ... pull her stunt.
it would set my heart at ease.
This are wha' are gwaan
I was walking back from F/Hoek, and I needed to pee. Normally, which is everytime, I ignore people, and so I paid no attention to 2 xhosa assholes who were coming my way and said, to me, "uyapi", because, of course, i am stronger than anything living on this planet, see?I was to be disabused of THAT, rudely, in a manner that left me convinced that THAT vision of me seeing me in my own mind tied to  a chair and ice all over me was being acted out in real life, and that I was being given more and more proof of my.... burdens, see?
these assholes, followed me, the two of them, one about my size and the other smaller, but chunkier, into that path that branches off to the beach just before the clovelly junction, as one walks TO kalk bay.
And started asking me where i was going, and did so in such a gratingly violent way I was grimly amused, because I was rather pissed off already and wanted to have a fight, bad
So, when small-and-chunky pushed me as i did my trousers up, I threw my food parcel down, and squared off against them.
this was gonna be short and painful for them fools.
And all of a sudden i was as weak, as slow as a person weighed down with great weights, and when the short one threw a punch, it was only because i knew enough about fighting to just throw my head out of the way slightly that I avoided humiliation, and then the asshole pushed me into the road, and I went, directly in the path of a car, and i was SOOO slow that i almost got creamed. the only thing that got me back into the fight was me leaping back at the fools with my trademark triple kick, but it was still so obvious the fools got out of the way, and then, as i stood, shocked, before them, with my hands in a boxing stance, they decided that they did not want to get close and so they went off towards F/Hoek, taunting me, and I  made my way back, and asking myself WTF had just happened.Them fools came after me in a red car passed me as the drove towards kalk bay, just over that defunct station, and then drove back again, and spoke about my mother's poes [I guess their mothers do not have those], and yet   they parked their car about 50m behind me, and waited, for what i had no idea.
I was drained, and stunned, and carried on walking.
besides, I am not keen when the asshole is afraid, because i want people who think they can take me with their eyes blindfolded, their arms tied behind their backs, and all that macho stuff. them fools WERE scared, so I left them to their yells.
So, when i met the gorgeous ginger haired chick, and she went 'hi" [remember I am STILL part blind], it took me a while to recognise her; in fact i wanted to turn and walk back with her, but THAT was the reason why I was so... slow in response.
And well, I have been wondering just when this block on my physical prowess will pass, because I am starting to chaff under it, see?
I mean, I got stabbed, thought it was my own doing, when in effect the stupid spirit wanted me out of the way since i was being too wayward.
And I did not die.
So, well, i guess it is not her fault that later she walked by, in a skirt, showing her confusion so startlingly clearly I wanted to say something but then, it would be easier for ME if someone did NOT rely on ME to put the conclusion to things, but took up their own part of the burden. It would be nice, really, because i would then be free to just deal with MY problems on my own without having to explain myself to someone, see?
I hate being tied down.
I mean, for me to be 'free' I guess I have to take on EVERYONE and EVERYTHING, and so, you ladies, cut me some slack, OK, I may not behave like I have feelings, but geez, if you want a part of me, do no load your feelings or expectations on me>
I am living a crap life and NONE of you sees that because you worry so much about some future that you expect to just materialise from nowhere without you doing a single thing to bring it about, because I SAY i am strong, the God of War, and unstoppable, and so you think I have no expectations of my own.
Fuck, WHY should i have you, any of you, in MY life, is my question, if I have to battle even YOU for peace?
I have beautiful women lined up already,women that i KNOW are sleepless over me, and these did NOT need words to make up their minds, and I have TWO i know that are panting for me abroad, and I am facing YOU, who know when I come down the mountain, am at vinnie's or am leaving, and keep tabs on me to see what bullshit or great thing I write about you, when YOU are staying in your homes, insulting me by paying NO heed to my state, and yet expecting ME to find you ... acceptable.
I will call you cunts,and ignore you., and work on unleashing my latent potential, and THEN, when  am 100% online,if I DO it on my own, I will then turn MY nose at you, and laugh at your calamoty as you have laughed at me. God said He would have staeadfast love, not sacrifice, and what He rejected is what YOU are giving me, and there is NO ONE and NOTHING God honours as much as He does me, and that is STILL something for you to sniff at. You use that in the same way that Herod used the holy spirit inspired prophecy about christ's birth; to feather your own nests, and you pay lip service to what I write and remorselessly hound me.
i find that extremely offensive, and I guess, on THAT note, i will have to say I reject the contemporary art chick, because she has been the most allison-like and therefore, as with allison, is probably involved with some asshole. I do NOT want to be loaded with her bullshit, and I find the english chick that I was staring at glumly today as she carefully did NOT offer us -me and vinnie- food as she did the last time quite refreshing, because, as I said, i am not at present interested in asses. And rebecca is really slim, see?
well, she probably will do as they all do, anyway, and keep on hiding behind her protect-my-public-image persona.
fuck, I am wondering about the use of all THIS.

I've become so numb
i cant feel you there
I'm becoming this
all I want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you
I've become so numb...

Juggernaut... confused

So, since I said THIS before you all could say I was trying to distort reality, and I did not bother explaining it, then I suppose NOW would be as good a time as any to show what i meant by "murambatemwa" as I have found that many of you fools think always to use my own words against me, and NOT to think for yourselves.
First thing, in zimbabwe there are trees that evern the firewood seekers do not attempt to cut down, because they literally refuse to be cut down, even with the sharpest, hardest axes. the name given to these trees is 'murambatemwa" which is a literal word.
Yesterday, of course. her mother walked down, and said to me and vinnie as we were setting out the stuff that in five mninutes the sun would be down, and I just stared at her. She went up harbourt way and came back, and it was drizzling by then and the stuff had to be covered, and since i was interested in only ONE thing, I ignored her other comments, and focused on one thing all day, even today:- was the woman involved in my humiliation or not, and today I left my blanket, which I had taken to coming down the mountain with, back at the mountain -last night I climbed up early enouigh for them to see me with it- and am waiting for any mishaps, and then, of course, I will act.
the daughter came also, yesterday, and I ignored her and the old lady she was with. I wanted to see her defy me once again, this time with her  brother, because well, my mind is made up about that asshole's death,. and of course, family being what it is, I think these uppish people will want to put me in my place about the issue, and so, if that is the case, i will kill them.
because NO one defies me and gets away with it, and well, NOTHING can stop me once I step on the warpath, and so, please, do not joke with the juggernaut; I hate being confused by petty issues, I just want clarity, and this is the time whn you assholes put yourselves in the clear, or I WILL clear the whole table, since toiday I am SOOO pissed off about everything, and hate being in this unteanble suituation where i am thinking less of my continued discomfort and just what the fuck some silly bitch is up to, and I HATE the very idea of eventually moving to red-hill which to me is a concession to my discomfort when in effect I hated having to ghave anything to do with S/Town before I have to kill them assholes.
So, since tomorrow seems, unless that is God Who is trying to keep me from letting loose and then regretting it all [ i sense a very sluggish ... give... to my efforts,m and it is pissing me off]. then i will be moving, and THEN, fuck, i am dry tinder, and well, I can go off at any time...

dont you fret for me
my gun have fir get for me
[sizzla]