Status :- Temporary Stand Down
Location;- Internet cafe, wynberg
Prologue:- Total Recall
She does not need to apply much force to keep you down, she just firmly pushes you deeper, and applies pressure at your chest, and the water starts getting into your nostrils and you struggle a bit [earlier, I said I did not struggle, but I am operating under total recall, no frills, no dressing up] and she pushes you under. It is no contest. Easily she weighs something like 90kg, and no slack muscles, and you are nine months old and in a dull ... pink... plastic baby tub, and you have NO muscles whatsoever. She has the advantage of leverage, and determination, and finally, all those small acts of petty savagery have culminated in an act that would mean, if she succeeds, she will go to jail, and lose even that husband she wanted as replacement father, but this is no longer about reason, it is about pure hate, and on your side, you have... nothing.
You struggle a bit, and open your mouth to wail, and the water starts coming in, and it chokes you, in your mouth, and you can not breathe, and the pain, it burns, burns deep inside, like a fire that has been lit in you, somewhere in your chest, and you struggle more, as the water starts distorting and breaking up even the image of the one person that you should be reaching out to, but have started, even then, to shy away from, wailing uncontrollably when she even picks you up. You are just nine months old, and already, life is hell. You see the fire exploding, growing in your chest, and then, it explodes, and you start seeing yourself from an elevated position, as if all that drowning is happening to someone else. No pain, just indifference, just a sense of release, of weightlesness, and then, you are going somewhere, and you have a sense of another door about to open.
And next moment, you are... back.
you had watched the child's wails start to grow faint, as you gained more substance, till, as the door was opening, they ceased, muffled as they were by the water, into mere gurgles that no one even 3m away could hear, but then, when she removes her hands from you, and you look at yourself staring with sightless eyes, you KNOW that you can ... go.
And you are back, just like that, and because you had started to float, you let out, with the shock, a bloodcurldling, piercing... yell, which brings a neighbour to the door asking if ecerything is OK, and you can only splutter as even your... mother... is standing aghast, watching as the supposedly dead child comes roaring to life. The other woman takes you, wants to report to the police, but decides against it, and she takes you awhile, and soothes you, wraps you in a towel and carries you on her back as she tries to bring you to some semblance of normalcy.
then, reluctantly, she hands you back to the recovering mother, and makes as if everything is OK.
But they both overlook the one thing.
That what came back and was effectively ... locked in, was a dead thing.
And it knows it is dead, and it is wondering, all the time as the 'boy' grows up, WHY? What was behind that door, and why was i brought back, AND, WHO pulled me out of the way.
And it waits, because it knows that someday, someone will come and explain.
though they are not phrased as orders, it KNOWS that the One Who pulled him from the door is here, and is about to explain why, one small bit at a time, till he gets it. He can not disobey, because he is an indifferent person, who knows that life is something others live.
he starts taking over, slowly, and overriding the normal impulses of a growing boy, and at the same time, unable to just baldly comply with the statements of the ... Owner, since he wants to see if he can not apply to a higher authority.
Modern Day;- Few hours ago
I walked slowly to kalk bay from wynberg, where I had sopped off from cape town, and then, all the way I was asking myself what the fuck I thought I would prove going to the one place I did not want to be, she does NOT even want me near her, and anyway, she will laugh at me.
So, as I am nearing westlake, He goes, "just a little bit longer", a line from the song by avant and nicole scherzinger, and i snort in derision, because i know that that is posi-speak for hell, you have a way to go yet. I do not do positive speak, posi-speak, I like keeping it as colourless as possible, that way I know where I stand. A while later, before I get to st.james, I hear a more pragmatic statement:-"you are in for a surprise" and then "I wont let you fall", and I KNOW that things will be bad, and i am already wilting inside.
I worry that they will laugh at me, and I am so... helpless in this. If she was not there I could take it, but, heck, I think, this is going to be terrible.
they send juniour as outrider, and we pass each other outside the st.james parking lot, and I am like, OK, bring it on. I walk into kalk bay, the lights upstairs are off, and I am at first like, fuck, I can not stand another moment of this, I will have to wait till morning?
Then, of course, i had to walk past the ... bar.
She was there, and she was standing, back to some guy, talking with some woman, facing me, and her hair was undone, and she looked like she had taken pains with her appearance, and she carried on talking with this lady as i passed, unsure what to actually do. her face, the most arresting feature of hers, was... what made me almost blow up. She had worry lines on her brow, and I have never seen her looking so... tragic.
Frankly I wanted to hold her in my arms and soothe the worry away, but I remembered that, technically, i was persona-non-grata here, and so, i walked past. Guy not the one i wanted to murder. Mike, obviously was there, on the other side of the counter, inside, and I went and sat on the wall where vinnie's stall is and I watched, and processed stuff, and realised that we are at the "I can not look after the child "- brother- "alone" stage, where her mother is spoonfeeding her things because she knows that, if she thought about it, she would rather it was her, not her daughter, that i was interested in. And so, I watch as the woman decides to... offer... herself, she has a sexy ass, no two ways about it, so that i can negotiate about the others and leave them be.
I am afraid the mav. is unable to comply with the secondary objective. The primary objective overules that. The mav suggests that the ... uninteresting third and fourth parties become non-combatants, and STAY away from the love of my life, or the mav. will have to fulfill the mav.'s threat, and totally annihilate them all, and send them to hell.
the mav. is on standby, awaiting further developments.
And for you, my love, I mean, I love you, and will never shame you like that. Come on, dont listen to them.
you are the only one, I mean, hey, i even started living with women because i assumed that God was going to shame me and make me live with someone I do no want, because i am unable to live away from His... word.
When I saw you, I knew that even if things were to be turned upside down i would never ever have anyone make as much of an impact on me as you did, and that was before i even linked up the visions with you. I, the man, wanted you for myself with no prompting. You are the best thing to eve happen to me, and heck, if i could have wiped away the worry from your face, by doing what you wanted, i would have done it. But I just... follow... orders, and I can not turn back from that
Dont know how to while up the rest of my day, now.
Location;- Internet cafe, wynberg
Prologue:- Total Recall
She does not need to apply much force to keep you down, she just firmly pushes you deeper, and applies pressure at your chest, and the water starts getting into your nostrils and you struggle a bit [earlier, I said I did not struggle, but I am operating under total recall, no frills, no dressing up] and she pushes you under. It is no contest. Easily she weighs something like 90kg, and no slack muscles, and you are nine months old and in a dull ... pink... plastic baby tub, and you have NO muscles whatsoever. She has the advantage of leverage, and determination, and finally, all those small acts of petty savagery have culminated in an act that would mean, if she succeeds, she will go to jail, and lose even that husband she wanted as replacement father, but this is no longer about reason, it is about pure hate, and on your side, you have... nothing.
You struggle a bit, and open your mouth to wail, and the water starts coming in, and it chokes you, in your mouth, and you can not breathe, and the pain, it burns, burns deep inside, like a fire that has been lit in you, somewhere in your chest, and you struggle more, as the water starts distorting and breaking up even the image of the one person that you should be reaching out to, but have started, even then, to shy away from, wailing uncontrollably when she even picks you up. You are just nine months old, and already, life is hell. You see the fire exploding, growing in your chest, and then, it explodes, and you start seeing yourself from an elevated position, as if all that drowning is happening to someone else. No pain, just indifference, just a sense of release, of weightlesness, and then, you are going somewhere, and you have a sense of another door about to open.
And next moment, you are... back.
you had watched the child's wails start to grow faint, as you gained more substance, till, as the door was opening, they ceased, muffled as they were by the water, into mere gurgles that no one even 3m away could hear, but then, when she removes her hands from you, and you look at yourself staring with sightless eyes, you KNOW that you can ... go.
And you are back, just like that, and because you had started to float, you let out, with the shock, a bloodcurldling, piercing... yell, which brings a neighbour to the door asking if ecerything is OK, and you can only splutter as even your... mother... is standing aghast, watching as the supposedly dead child comes roaring to life. The other woman takes you, wants to report to the police, but decides against it, and she takes you awhile, and soothes you, wraps you in a towel and carries you on her back as she tries to bring you to some semblance of normalcy.
then, reluctantly, she hands you back to the recovering mother, and makes as if everything is OK.
But they both overlook the one thing.
That what came back and was effectively ... locked in, was a dead thing.
And it knows it is dead, and it is wondering, all the time as the 'boy' grows up, WHY? What was behind that door, and why was i brought back, AND, WHO pulled me out of the way.
And it waits, because it knows that someday, someone will come and explain.
When He does, it starts getting booted up, and starts receiving ... orders.
he starts taking over, slowly, and overriding the normal impulses of a growing boy, and at the same time, unable to just baldly comply with the statements of the ... Owner, since he wants to see if he can not apply to a higher authority.
Till he discovers that the One who did keep him from dying IS the Ultimate Authority, the Most High God Himself, and He knows, finally, that there is NO escape, He will have to comply, and become a war machine.
Modern Day;- Few hours ago
I walked slowly to kalk bay from wynberg, where I had sopped off from cape town, and then, all the way I was asking myself what the fuck I thought I would prove going to the one place I did not want to be, she does NOT even want me near her, and anyway, she will laugh at me.
So, as I am nearing westlake, He goes, "just a little bit longer", a line from the song by avant and nicole scherzinger, and i snort in derision, because i know that that is posi-speak for hell, you have a way to go yet. I do not do positive speak, posi-speak, I like keeping it as colourless as possible, that way I know where I stand. A while later, before I get to st.james, I hear a more pragmatic statement:-"you are in for a surprise" and then "I wont let you fall", and I KNOW that things will be bad, and i am already wilting inside.
I worry that they will laugh at me, and I am so... helpless in this. If she was not there I could take it, but, heck, I think, this is going to be terrible.
they send juniour as outrider, and we pass each other outside the st.james parking lot, and I am like, OK, bring it on. I walk into kalk bay, the lights upstairs are off, and I am at first like, fuck, I can not stand another moment of this, I will have to wait till morning?
Then, of course, i had to walk past the ... bar.
She was there, and she was standing, back to some guy, talking with some woman, facing me, and her hair was undone, and she looked like she had taken pains with her appearance, and she carried on talking with this lady as i passed, unsure what to actually do. her face, the most arresting feature of hers, was... what made me almost blow up. She had worry lines on her brow, and I have never seen her looking so... tragic.
Frankly I wanted to hold her in my arms and soothe the worry away, but I remembered that, technically, i was persona-non-grata here, and so, i walked past. Guy not the one i wanted to murder. Mike, obviously was there, on the other side of the counter, inside, and I went and sat on the wall where vinnie's stall is and I watched, and processed stuff, and realised that we are at the "I can not look after the child "- brother- "alone" stage, where her mother is spoonfeeding her things because she knows that, if she thought about it, she would rather it was her, not her daughter, that i was interested in. And so, I watch as the woman decides to... offer... herself, she has a sexy ass, no two ways about it, so that i can negotiate about the others and leave them be.
I am afraid the mav. is unable to comply with the secondary objective. The primary objective overules that. The mav suggests that the ... uninteresting third and fourth parties become non-combatants, and STAY away from the love of my life, or the mav. will have to fulfill the mav.'s threat, and totally annihilate them all, and send them to hell.
the mav. is on standby, awaiting further developments.
And for you, my love, I mean, I love you, and will never shame you like that. Come on, dont listen to them.
you should know by now, its gonna take
a lot of trust from you
for us to make it through
you're my angel
nothing is gonna make you fall from heaven
girl I just wanna love you
dont listen to
what people say
they dont know about
about you and me...
your love so real
I would be a fool to play with you
you are the only one, I mean, hey, i even started living with women because i assumed that God was going to shame me and make me live with someone I do no want, because i am unable to live away from His... word.
When I saw you, I knew that even if things were to be turned upside down i would never ever have anyone make as much of an impact on me as you did, and that was before i even linked up the visions with you. I, the man, wanted you for myself with no prompting. You are the best thing to eve happen to me, and heck, if i could have wiped away the worry from your face, by doing what you wanted, i would have done it. But I just... follow... orders, and I can not turn back from that
Dont know how to while up the rest of my day, now.
