I thought I would NEVER do this...

So, I am like, fine, the three women have chosen, so who will I take as their replacements, and see, the answers are already in my mind, and I am walking along, literally dancing, because NOW I get to leave, and everything will be finally going my way, and then, of course, I am trying to compose suitable... justification for my choices, and I realise one very... unavoidable aspect of my character:

NO WAY would I have butt-head in my sights and not kill him. If I shoot him, the flow of blood would release the... beast... in me, and with me there is no middle ground; I have tried to... control myself and be moderate, but the fact is, once one blow lands, I have to be torn free from someone, and that used to be done only by people I respected, but since I lost respect for people, who the fuck will make me listen to him/her?

I will never be able to... punish someone without killing him/her.


Whatever I said, if it happened that anyone stood against me, then whoever it is would have to fight to the death, because I never back down nor stop, unless whoever opposes me backs down.


The only option, if I want anything to do with the mother, it appears [and surprisingly...or NOT really... I DO want that] is to let him go... out of my sight.

Which is what I JUST decided. WHY?

Because she stood a few feet away from me, and I faced her, and she did not look directly at me but touched the back of her head, as if rearranging her.... French word for this, umm, coiffure... and it was at THAT moment I started drawing back.

She looked so vulnerable, and whatever it was, maybe because she reminds me in her silent way of my elder sister, the only person I ever looked up to, who for some reason or the other always went on tiptoe around me, the mother of the nephew I would have liked to take care of as my own... well, I guess I backed off and it took me this long to admit it to myself.

So, I do not know if what I thought I saw was really it, but if it is, I suppose I am offering the fool a chance to exile himself... for the... umpteenth time I guess... to Zimbabwe, and I will not hunt him down.

That is the best I can do.
Please, do not try me over this; I am teetering over the edge already, and if someone laughs at me this time, then I will flip for good, and will unleash all the anger I am keeping in check, and everyone will know what only I currently KNOW, about just how... fragile... every person's hold on life at this moment is, and the unlimited power I have at my disposal

Or maybe, everyone wants to see a... demonstration first, but then, look at it from my point of view; if someone can not listen to mere words, then it means that even if I should succumb to the pressure and show what can happen, I am therefore following the person's wishes, and as such not acting as myself, and my... GOD did say that His prime and only, requirement is that I be free, I be me, not what one wants me to be, and so, that is what I have decided to be, 100%.

if I make a mistake, it will be 100% MY fault. I know people want to have as a last recourse an appeal to God, like michelle used to do when, as I struggled to find the truth, she would calmly wait for me to show up in church and be instructed by an... emissary... of God, right?

Well, the time for such quibbling is over. I run this joint, and in case no one noticed, I will say it again: GOD DOES NOT ORDER ME to do anything, so that means NO ONE can tell me what to do. He told me I chose the type of world I want to live in, meaning that I get to fashion things as I see fit; as I like it, not according to anyone else's blueprint.


Keep that in mind because whether you like it or not, my day is dawning, and my sun will never set!

 

POINT?
I can NOT forgive, as some understand it
because if one scratches me, it never heals
nor do I forget, so, unless SOMETHING
is done, the raw feeling remains, which is why
I can not let bygones be bygones.

SO, unless someone wants to run the gauntlet and face me and go blow for blow
buckle under, and I will, like a Dobermann
piss over you, and be satisfied, because then the
threat will be
Neutralised
 OR IT IS WAR UNENDING
or rather ending.

with the party's destruction

                        they dont change we gon do sumtin about it
or rearrange we gon do sumtin about it....

.

.

.

                           Co'  eat fir wan fir eat or wah
                      co' fir Ghana fir go gun dem or wah
                        Zimbabwe fir go send them or wah
                          Or Gambia fir gun dem or wah....

                      co' fir Fort Knox to lock them or wah

co' fir same time fir ask them or wah
co' fir same time as we mask them or wah

co' fir tree landing fir landin or wah
yo no go insult me again

while fir me government gun dem or wah

violate the youth and burn them or wah

Straight as an arrow thats the way that we chose
gangster nuh innocent chichiman pause

girl dem with the balance and the hips  nuh suppose
could have been supermodel are whores



Girl alone me want girl alone upon me resume

with so many pretties see me bitches every other day...