Now I... Enter

Behold, your King cometh, humble and lowly...

but not for long

When michelle first started getting her hooks into me to try to get me interested my curiosity was piqued, especially by her 'non sequitar' way of getting me to come to church. When I finally DID go to her church and found out that she was a mother... I found myself in a world I had never quite anlysed but carried around like a bird with a broken wing, born crippled and never having flown at all, taking everything that happened as ... normal.
I found myself dealing with issues of... motherhood, especially focusing on the things that made me act so like a person with a rope around him, which when yanked made me stop being the insular, detached person I always was when dealing with anyone else... but my mother.

But, as everyone else knows who reads... me... God had promised,  

"September 18: Independence Day"

 and when she and I sat across from each other, I looked into her eyes and saw her for what she was, and also I found out that I could not , with her, carry on the guilt of being born so far that I would let HER walk all over me... and immediately... I started setting the pace, something she obviously did not expect; I mean, after all, in her eyes I should have been GLAD she was doing me the favour of publicly humiliating me by displaying me like a monkey in a circus... yes?

Then came the incident that made me respond the way I did when God, after I had complained that I was just stuck in the same place and not doing anything but wait on women, said, "Tell Me what you want from Me" in the vision where the flying ark thing with the bat wings featured.

This was way BEFORE the date of January 8-9.

I am convinced that, if it had not happened, I would NOT have though about it at all, and also, the good thing about it is that I wrote it already before,  but the thing is, I was NOT sure, since what happened happened before the vision date, whether... the lady in question... would...qualify.

So, I get on the train at Sunny Cove, free, of course, and get, of course, into first class, and immediately, being appreciative of female flesh, I seek a seat where there is likely to be eye-candy in view.

There is [this was last year, about November, or early December]this girl I sit across from, but not really in her face, and she is dressed ...minimally... to put it diplomatically.
But then, it is summer, so anything goes.
Strapless bra-top, I suppose; black, and black...well, one would call them shorts, but they would classify as briefs; and she has white earphones in her ears, with whetever she is playing hidden in her purse, and her hair is tied back behind her head.

Perfectly ordinary person, except for her colour.
Thought she was tanned. Thought she was NOT white, but one can NOT hide the white fine bone structure, and when I look at her, and her eyes and her hair all seem to be the same blended hue, I am first of all surprised, then skeptical, then dismissive:- I am thinking of the depths to which certain women would go to to alter their appearance.
Girl stuns me. She cranes her neck, syiffens actually, and by her body movement (she pushes her breasts out) dares me...nuh... commands me, to not just dismiss her out of hand.

I look at her briefly, then come back to earth; she is, after all, a woman, and I would get the sharp end of her tongue for staring, so I take out a book, and try to start reading.

Deliberately,she removes her earphones, drops them into the purse by her side, takes out a book, and all without looking at it or at me; riffles through it:-she holds one end with all the pages and presses her finger hard against it so that all the pages fly from one cover to the other.

Well, that is rude, and I look up at her face, ready to growl a warning in case she is making fun of me. the look in her eyes is as of one who is in lion territory, and as I stare at her I find out that the one thing I was afraid of would NOT happen:- this girl is in NO mood to yell at me.

I relax, and then I look at her closely.

Now, I know nothing of tanning, or of beauty treatments, but I suppose one can not get even tan ALL OVER... at least from what I have seen firsthand!

But this chick is totally, evenly toned all over, and now, what intrigues me is that she is not only allowing me to look to my heart's content, but also that she is NOT used to people NOT laughing at her (judging by her refusal to let ME be one of those who just point fingers and walk away) when they see her. All I see is a normal chick, who does the abnormal thing by not taking into account certain glaringly obvious things that have ruled my life so far, not only colour, but also my side view.

Fuck, I am ugly, and when I get a chance to see myself sidewise, I get a shock.

Well, this one doesnt really show how ... deep under... my eyes are, but then, one gets the idea.

Anyway, the train stopped at Simonstown station, and I got up, and made to walk away, without a backward glance.

Girl wouldnt have it. Outside the station, the girl walked right under my arm, cut from right to left in front of me, and walked towards the beach.

I followed her... I was already staying at the fisherman's hut, and when I got to the sand, she slipped off of her briefs;- turns out she had blue panties underneath, and she lay on the sand. I went to the hut, to show her I was nothing, changed, and came back after a while, tried to talk to her. that is when she did the knee-jerk reaction I wrote of, and stunned me.

At least she got her pint across: she is naturally like that.

So, the first becomes the last.

Now, I turn my back on everyone else.