I have a cousin who is meddling in my past and doesnt have the guts to confront me about stuff, and I am getting pissed off at him... well, I will have to deal with him soon, but THAT is minor as compared to what is REALLy bothering me.
I am busy the whole night rejecting everything and everyone, and i work out that i am not parent material, and that "73" meant Psalm 73, so i do not have to take the women with their daughters, and so, i am saying, OK, so who are the remaining three, and i work myself into a knot and then come back to the realisation that 7,3, meant exactly that, the seven women and the three mothers, and that the three had appeal because I would not REALLY be a father, but something in between, and so, I come back to the visions, and there, sticking out like a sore thumb, is the nicky? business.
now, frankly, I hate the bitch, but I can not argue that if it quacks like an odd duck, and walks like an odd duck, then it probably IS an odd duck, and some of the things i saw about that woman were so... logical and too futuristic for the mocking holy spirit to have been the instigator of it all, because he could not have assumed that i would take the i-will-take-the-mother-and-the-daughter-as-well-but-not-in-the-conventional-way approach, since, though I KNEW that if i was involved with a mother and a daughter, i WOULD do that, I had never let on that I would.
because so far all my... naughtiness... has been conventional, and never that much of a bother to anyone.
so, let me say that nicky? was convinced by whatever rubbish i wrote on sunday 22 may to change her tune and look at me in a different light.
still, i feel like killing her, and yet, i can not overlook the fact that she was even earlier portrayed as a pregnant woman, long before the clash that revealed her name to me through forgetfull cindy dollery, and she was saying, 'so what am i, a recess project?', and then later... i did not mention this part, because i tend to take everything with a pinch of salt, and not pay attention too much because this is not... real... but she later... well, fuck that!
i hate her, even if she may feel different about me.
even if she would be willing to take what I spared, but then, push comes to shove, I DID say i would have women who would make up their own minds, without any blindness, to be with me, so, i am rather at odds and ends here.
i am, however no longer ... inclined... towards killing her, because of these developments, but hey, gimme a break, please; of all the women, why the one whose brother(s?) i have to kill?
anyway, looked at dispassionately, I think that if she were one of the five, then it would be her, her mother, her sister, allison, and... michelle's sister?
why michelle's sister?
truth to tell, i do not particularly like any of these women, not really; I was trying to avoid bloodshed before when I looked for other ways out of this, like banishing the males to some place, but since I actually want to KILL the males anyway, and will not let anything stand in my way in that regard, i wonder whether this is just another... academic exercise, where nothing really materialises.
fuck, i am fed up with this!
