Technically, none of this is happening, because it is all too... impossible... to be true, right?
lets start at the beginning;- whichever beginning one may choose,
Like, why would God want to just come and show His existence to... ME?
like, why would He, when I ask Him what He wants with me, when i am wondering the very same thing, then tell me to be MYSELF, and why, would He , when I am about to quit the Goldbach Conjecture because of more factors [like I did NOT want to please my mother, or... prove... a point to her that if pressed and ridiculed, I WOULD become a 'man' and prover her wrong, and thus... right!] than just the fact that I was getting so depressed I was sure I couuld never solve it, then tell me to 'try the falco effect'?
like, was it REALLY God, or was I deluded?
like, did I REALLY try to kill myself or was I fishing for sympathy?
because well, its BEEN about ten years, and my hair should be falling out by now, my weight drastically reduced and my skin should have by now acquired that pock-marked texture as if I had had a million small nuclear bombs explode on me, and I should be definitely senile or having senility symptoms; paranoid, incontinent and practically bedridden, and definitely dying... or about to be dead.
i told someone I was HIV positive and he told me to try another line, he did not buy it.
So, I am either definitely crazy, and delusional, or maybe, just maybe, just probably maybe, I REALLY can NOT die.
I mean, I was THERE when I was as weak as kitten and some guy tried with all his pathetic power to plunge his knife into my neck, and all I remmber was just bunching my neck muscle reflexively, and the knife literally bounced off of me, and, I remember just looking at the likely point of impact when the guy was aiming his knife at my arm, and dismissing the arm as non-lethal, and the guy stuck it there, and we bothe were astonished when I swung that very same arm into the guy's face and knocked him down, with no pain whatsoever evident.
I remember smashing my left hand into a wall, and the knuckle of the smallest finger immediately... and so far... permanently... was knocked back into my hand so that now when I bunch my left fist there is an akwardness.
And I felt no pain.
maybe I have leprosy.
Yes, that is it!
i am insane, delusional and I have leprosy.
right, so this is NOT happening.
it is all a figment of my imagination.
whew, what relief!
for a moment there i thought that it had really been for real, YEAH right!
late yesterday there is me coming face to face with the blond chick I used to meet on the train at Glencairn, and she, from across the road leaving me in no doubt that she had SEEN me, and was rather... shy... about it.
fuck, all the past week I have been seeing her ample posterior, with her back pack on her back, from where I am usually sunk in my chair by the window at the shop, near the train station, and i was wondering just what she would think in the event that things start happening and she ends up recognising herself as part of the ten women whom I had chosen because, technically, they were not averse to me.
now, who, in THIS day and age, would want to be part of a harem, even if, technically, she gets to live forever?
And who would be so... crazy... as to let her daughter sleep with the very same man she herself slept with?
i mean, from MY point of view, it makes perfect sense, but then, women are ... thinking creatures... as well, so who would want to do... THAT?
it is not only unconventional, but quite morally... questionable.
i, of course have no morals to speak of, and would likely do so many crazier things than even those I have let out, but the women? What do they think about it all?
maybe they secretly want something like that, no inhibitions to get in the way of real enjoyment of life, and no serious discussions about things that are best left unsaid, but then, I have an insatiable curiosity. so, how will the women respond to something so decidely... unethical... like being with an avowed racist... responsible... shortly... for the deaths of their fellow white people?
and what if the white people who die there are their family?
OK, let me get that out of the picture:- I will not kill the white people in Hout bay, I will kill the black people in Khayelitsha, to avoid confusion and mistakes, so that I have no one's immediate family at risk.
OK?
besides, am I a racist?
no, I am just a person who does not think anyone comes up to MY standards, someone who is... aloof... from everyone, because I do not ... depend on popular opinion and popular views to get myself from point A to point B.
i have, apparently, independent thinking, not based on convention.
No, there is no... 'apparently'... about it, I AM independent in thought, and definitely a-moral, so much so that I do not particularly care if a woman is married or not, because it is the combo of her thought processes [which must DECIDELY be slanted my way] and her body that excite me.
the poor bastard who she may be with is just warming the bed for me, but when I take over, woe to that woman if she decides that she must have... alternative arrangements.
I guess my own virgins i will grow, and first of all get the acerbic poison out of my system, because frankly, i am bitter with every kind of woman that is currently out there, and then, if i have everyone done to MY satisfaction, then i will be relaxed enough to ... do the girls.
I have always avoided virgins and girls in my whole sexually active life, because i am NOT interested in getting all cosy with the women; I tend to be very sharp with them when they act all goofy, and so, kept everything where possible to just sex, and even then, it was with no thought of a future with them.
thought I was wrong to think like that, and used to beat myself over the head with it, but that is the way it is with me, so, hey, tough buns to the women, they either follow MY way or stay OUT of it, because frankly, I am MORE than likely to kill them than to... kiss... them.
maybe in days to come I will show why.
you people all suck, frankly.
And that is the reason why 7 billion people will shortly be seeing less of life than presently.
forget retirement plans and such.
life as you know it will shortly be very over, and very permanently so!
