The Last hours I spent in Pollsmoor were also among the most profound moments of my life, because I came across something that revealed the ... GRAVITY... God attached to what went on between me and Him, and I am not sure, even now, that I liked it.
Even I, cynical and weary of Him as I was, knew that I was on my way out. I had been staying in a tank- a room with space for three bunk beds, and then, because I almost murdered the two xhosa skollies I had to share virtually 24 hours of every single day with, I had been returned to room 349, on my own request, where the TV provided scant relief. Now, there is a law at Pollsmoor, of you are going to court the following day, unless it is a high court issue, you have to be in a room called a 'hof-kammer' the night before, and when you come back, if you are remanded in custody for another court day, you sleep in another hof-kammer, and then only come to your designated room the day after. Now, if there were people in a tank, and one has to go to court, the wardens usually have someone from the big rooms go take his place. If he comes back, after the three nights, the 'replacement' goes back to his original room. Before I went to court, some guy asked me to come take the placeof his roommate who was going to court. So, with a hot water kettle at hand, a TV, and time to sleep if I so wished, I not only got rid of the bugs that had infiltrated my clothing, and the loose jeans some rasta had handed to me when he decided my tight fitting chinos were just not it, but I also had space to think clearly, and I was like, hell, God, this has gone on too long. End this.
Anyway, the day the guy whose bed i was sleeping on came back was also the day I was due to go to the hof-kammer, after lunch, which surprisingly, consisted of mince. I had, first month in prison, not been able to even look at the obligatory mealie samp that formed the staple diest, and would trade it always for 'two kids', two slices of bread, but after a while, having lost weight and hating the bread itself, I had begun to eat the samp.
But, to carry on with the story, I went to the hof-kammer, and then in the morning was in the cage for people waiting for muizenberg court, athlone, and simonstown. A guy had a bible, and I just asked him if I could look at it, and that was when I had this disturbing scripture leap out at me, which I recorded, but which, I will be honest, may be the first time I TRIED to twist something God had said to suit myself, because I just could NOT accept what He implied.
Now, I have learned to deal with it, and I am still NOT at peace with it.
It was 2 Samuel 7 vs 12-16:- When your days are over and you rest with your ancestors, I will raise up an OFFSPRING, from your own body, who will rule on your throne. He is the one who will build a temple for My name, and I will establish his throne forever.I will be His Father and he will be My son, and when he does wrong, I will punish him with the floggings of men, but I will never take My love away from him...
Now, till then, thoughts of God actually having me... disciplined were far from my mind. I did what I wanted to, went where I wanted to, but this time, I had ended in jail, and all because I had not actually kept my integrity but had let some stupid sentiment stop me from doing what I should have done from the beginning, shaken loose of the woman like a sensible person. I had been used, and the irony was that, looking back, she used the sympathy that I had felt shamelessly, aware all the time what she was about, to twist me around her little finger, and I had been stupid enough to let it happen. Result; God deided i needed some flagellation. It was NOT pleasant.
I came out of the place with eyes starting to open, and also with the by-product of the grim knowledge that, come rain, come thunder, I was about to end lives.
I mean, God was serious enough to put His money where His mouth was and speak literally of a THRONE, and of course, everyone knows- and here I must point out the rather obvious streak that God has, that He may seem to pay a compliment to a person when in effect He is putting the person down, showing that person that the person is not good enough, there is something better ... coming - the text in Psalm 110, where the same david prophesied that YHWH had said to HIS lord that he should sit at His right hand till YHWH had made his enemies his footstool. Like he was obliquely telling the guy that someone that would dominate even him was going to come. Now, whether I have threatened the people into being cowed, I know not, but if I have, then I am soon going to be doing the impossible, I mean, after all, I did point out in my profile, "As for me, the difficult and incredible i will do immediately, and the impossible... a day later".
However this may turn out, though, this is another thing you should bear in mind, and remember, i do NOT do anything to HELP anyone:- God, knowing what will happen, sent me that vision of a spoon on whose handle was "those who dwelt in darkness", meaning some kind of birth, right? I mean, anyone can SEE that.
And what does the text in Isaiah say?
"In Galilee of the gentiles
those who dwelt in darkness
have seen a great light
those who dwelt in the land of the shadow of death
upon them a light has shined "
Now tell me that it is just a COINCIDENCE that "shadow of death" and the removal of a person from the proximity of his mother just happen to be in the same... chapter?
Fuck, I am going to KILL you fools. Impossible as it may seem.
Even I, cynical and weary of Him as I was, knew that I was on my way out. I had been staying in a tank- a room with space for three bunk beds, and then, because I almost murdered the two xhosa skollies I had to share virtually 24 hours of every single day with, I had been returned to room 349, on my own request, where the TV provided scant relief. Now, there is a law at Pollsmoor, of you are going to court the following day, unless it is a high court issue, you have to be in a room called a 'hof-kammer' the night before, and when you come back, if you are remanded in custody for another court day, you sleep in another hof-kammer, and then only come to your designated room the day after. Now, if there were people in a tank, and one has to go to court, the wardens usually have someone from the big rooms go take his place. If he comes back, after the three nights, the 'replacement' goes back to his original room. Before I went to court, some guy asked me to come take the placeof his roommate who was going to court. So, with a hot water kettle at hand, a TV, and time to sleep if I so wished, I not only got rid of the bugs that had infiltrated my clothing, and the loose jeans some rasta had handed to me when he decided my tight fitting chinos were just not it, but I also had space to think clearly, and I was like, hell, God, this has gone on too long. End this.
Anyway, the day the guy whose bed i was sleeping on came back was also the day I was due to go to the hof-kammer, after lunch, which surprisingly, consisted of mince. I had, first month in prison, not been able to even look at the obligatory mealie samp that formed the staple diest, and would trade it always for 'two kids', two slices of bread, but after a while, having lost weight and hating the bread itself, I had begun to eat the samp.
But, to carry on with the story, I went to the hof-kammer, and then in the morning was in the cage for people waiting for muizenberg court, athlone, and simonstown. A guy had a bible, and I just asked him if I could look at it, and that was when I had this disturbing scripture leap out at me, which I recorded, but which, I will be honest, may be the first time I TRIED to twist something God had said to suit myself, because I just could NOT accept what He implied.
Now, I have learned to deal with it, and I am still NOT at peace with it.
Now, till then, thoughts of God actually having me... disciplined were far from my mind. I did what I wanted to, went where I wanted to, but this time, I had ended in jail, and all because I had not actually kept my integrity but had let some stupid sentiment stop me from doing what I should have done from the beginning, shaken loose of the woman like a sensible person. I had been used, and the irony was that, looking back, she used the sympathy that I had felt shamelessly, aware all the time what she was about, to twist me around her little finger, and I had been stupid enough to let it happen. Result; God deided i needed some flagellation. It was NOT pleasant.
I came out of the place with eyes starting to open, and also with the by-product of the grim knowledge that, come rain, come thunder, I was about to end lives.
I mean, God was serious enough to put His money where His mouth was and speak literally of a THRONE, and of course, everyone knows- and here I must point out the rather obvious streak that God has, that He may seem to pay a compliment to a person when in effect He is putting the person down, showing that person that the person is not good enough, there is something better ... coming - the text in Psalm 110, where the same david prophesied that YHWH had said to HIS lord that he should sit at His right hand till YHWH had made his enemies his footstool. Like he was obliquely telling the guy that someone that would dominate even him was going to come. Now, whether I have threatened the people into being cowed, I know not, but if I have, then I am soon going to be doing the impossible, I mean, after all, I did point out in my profile, "As for me, the difficult and incredible i will do immediately, and the impossible... a day later".
However this may turn out, though, this is another thing you should bear in mind, and remember, i do NOT do anything to HELP anyone:- God, knowing what will happen, sent me that vision of a spoon on whose handle was "those who dwelt in darkness", meaning some kind of birth, right? I mean, anyone can SEE that.
And what does the text in Isaiah say?
"In Galilee of the gentiles
those who dwelt in darkness
have seen a great light
those who dwelt in the land of the shadow of death
upon them a light has shined "
Now tell me that it is just a COINCIDENCE that "shadow of death" and the removal of a person from the proximity of his mother just happen to be in the same... chapter?
Fuck, I am going to KILL you fools. Impossible as it may seem.
