Origins Of The Angry Man

I do not know about anyone else, but when God ... happened... to me, it put a serious damper on my already strained life.
I have never let out just the extremes I used to get to to express what was then futile rage against Him.
After the initial rage simmered down, I thought maybe I was the one in the wrong, and so, I used the most sophisticated equipment I know of in all existence- my brain- to analyse Him, to try to get to grips with Him, and I went through biblical text better than any professor in theology ever did. Fuck, I read the blasted book more times than those that speak about it daily, and STILL my conclusions came back the same. Whichever way I looked at it, I HATED God, and I could find nothing in me that found Him in any way appealing.I just did not want to have anything to do with Him in my life. Hell, I kept a diary of everything that happened, and funny thing, I kept losing the things. One ended up with a former classmate who was now a former boilermaker apprentice, and I only knew about it when he, drunk, mentioned something about what I thought was my private stuff.
Guy died shortly after, but I never recovered my stylised diary. The other one, the one I prepared when I was planning on leaving home, so I could have something to use against Him later, especially about this 'president of turkey' thing, I lost to a crony of the drug dealer 'Brother', who, because I at first refused to have my stuff brought to the coloured girl that caused the rift between me and Brother, and I left the stuff at the house he was supposed to be looking after, in Sea winds?, took that one and wanted to sell it back to me.
I think he is still alive, and the book is there.  
I did not recover it, because, for me, God and His damned interference took centre stage, and i was busy trying to kill myself so that I could escape Him. I do not think anyone can imagine the RAGE i developed when I found that the simple, some say 'coward's' way out, was NOT open to me. I just could NOT die, no matter how much I tried. And my anger became an even more and more uncontrollable thing as I began to accept that i was beaten in this area.
And it has spread to all areas of my life, this rage, the rage of a person that was NOT one of you to begin with, and is now faced with dealing WITH life which i never thought I would have to deal with.I have NO sympathy for any of you. As I said before, I will be very GLAD to send you fools to hell.
I KNOW what I am capable of, and this very same God, that I hate, is the same who gives me the power to be everything i have to be in order to make sure that the life I live is NOT too much of a burden.
I figured out what He meant about the 'turkey' thing. And you fools think you know stuff. You irritating insects; I am GETTING my power bit by bit before your eyes, and you STILL assume that I am some little boy that needs guidance. God have mercy on you, because I certainly will NOT.

Just to rub it in:- my mother decided I was not good enough for this world, and for me wanting to make it in this world was NEVER an option, I do not want anything I have to fight for to get. God decided He would use that, show me I had NO place on this planet, and He told me, after I gave up, that He had added 15 years to my life. No reason why. Till I was stuck in life, and he sent me that vision of a white worm - no matter how many times I TELL them whores and bitches that there does NOT exist a single person/woman, especially a conceited WHITE bitch at that, that can or is ALLOWED to change my thinking or my plans, they still TRY, and I am getting rather scared of even walking certain areas because i will end up so full of their opinions i would probably end up laughing too hard, and probably have people question my sanity- where I say, after REMOVING a bothersome worm from my right temple (does that ring your bells, apple chick? You wanted to obstruct me, I have decided to IGNORE whatever influence you think you have, and as i said, I am going to KILL everyone around you that you wanted to stop me from reaching out and touching? You are the blasted obstructive worm) I have given you fifteen seconds to get out of here. Seconds. Something added, and yet I count to ten, and people start walking out, after the three bit pause between nine and ten. I would say that the two coffins were  like jesus said, 'follow me and let the dead bury their dead' but well, I do NOT want you to follow me, I HATE you, and i want you to suffer, call me vindictive, and i want you to SEE mike and that brother of yours go to hell at MY behest, just so that you get the IDEA of the nature of the person you decided to CORRECT, you stupid fool!

seems there is no sympathy

or no mercy for the weak

wont surrender no retreat

I'll make you remember me
and for those who want to kill me

you know exactly where to find me

down in the concrete jungle

if I dont kill you first & please dont tempt me
100 miles and running

running back down on an outlaw coming

artillery looks stunning...

I'm so high pon the mountain
cant find my way back down
watch me flow just like a fountain
solid as the ground
once you go up
dont have to go back down
evolution time
evolution soul
...
I am a champion
I am a hero
coz I'm a survivor