It is very... weird... to be always confronted, one way or the other, by people that somehow seem to think they can make you back down, or be more friendly or ... something. The last day I wrote a post, I walked up from the houses in kalk bay cringing because I knew that I was going to be vommiting big time, as I walked up. I had written about a dog. Again, I had explained that the dog was ... symbolic... it represented a person, and, well, these very clever people, some coloured dude who stays at the last house before the steps that would lead up to the road which I would have to cross in order to get to that signpost "trapieskloof..." whatever, well, he was waiting for me just at that lawn area above the little mama's house. With one of his two german shepherds. He tugged at the leash as I passed, and I noticed that the other guy he was talking to, a blonde guy (what else) that I got into a not-fight with, guy with a name like 'vodka' without the 'k' sound, was also herding his dogs, but up that first left turn when coming from link road.
Now, I personally do not pay much attention to people, but well, I just noted that this vodka character, he had been trying to greet me, long time, and i would ignore him, and he would not seem to get the hint that I find him annoying, and do not seek or need any friendship from him.
Anyway, I walked a couple of steps up the mountain, felt my chest locking up, and decided to sit and let it out. I could identify the oranges I had bought in wynberg, big ones for one rand each, and then the cucumber that sydney had given me, and it was rather... ironic... that I was bringing out only... fruit, or greens if you get my drift. The bread stayed down. As I sat there, just taking it all in, the ... maybe... wife of the coloured guy ran past beneath me with the other german shepherd, like maybe they were telling me, like the clever blonde chick who thinks my world revolves around her, that I did not have to go anywhere.
I walked up, gradually, took maybe more than an hour, till I reached my place, and went to sleep superless because I made the classic mistake when trying to use a lighter, which I had just bought in wynberg. They have a '+' and a '-' and that thing you move when you want to switch it on or off, and I was busy switching it off all night till I gave up. When I did wake up, I saw my mistake but decided I would fill my stomach and just spend the day lazing around, meaning I would be butt-naked, in my blankets, and thinking. So, I did not come down. This morning, when I did come down, there is the vodka character, in a beaten down minibus, and he times his coming down from the street he must be staying in just fine so that as I get to the lawn he is driving down past me. Any thoughts that I can not be seen when I am up there have long since been dispelled.
Makes me wonder, though.The simple things that they miss, and think I am just having fun.The thing these fools do not seem to perceive is... whether I like it or not, I am in PERPETUAL warfare against forces that even they could never comprehend, and the ONLY way to carry on is to, well, destroy the opposition. Which thing I am willing to do without mercy, without pity, because well, I not only do not give a fuck about any of you, but I also do not really give a fuck about any of you, just in case you thought i gave a fuck about any of you.
So, maybe the vodka character, whom I do not see with his significant other anymore-maybe she left him- thinks I can do AC/DC, or some such stuff. I do not know. I have seen faggots, even up on the mountain, right after I had said that I am not interested in any woman, show up, like I am some sex starved person. Its weird, but then, coming from people that seem to think it 'normal' or 'ordained' that I must fall for a woman that belongs to someone else -how disgusting is that?- it pretty well goes to show. NO , I am in this for MY peace, and MY peace excludes everyone else, and if for my peace I must make war, and destroy everything in my path, well, good. As long as I can lie down at the end of the day and relax and there is nothing, not even a bug, to ... eh... bug me.
Now, I am tired of being insulted. I am unhappy, yes, but at the moment, I would be lying if I said I was mad. I do not FEEL mad. I of course have been thinking, about how silly fools would try to yank me in line by playing the emotional card... come to think of it, what was that apple chick trying to ACHIEVE by bringing that doormat of a dog towards me while at the same time walking hand in hand with the pretender? Like, you, WORSHIP me and know you can never have me?
And when I crack my knuckles in annoyance, there she is, ready to let BIG BAD MIKE intimidate the one person that when you really get down to it, knows no fear and NO backing-down?
Fuck, I promised I would kill the fools, and kill them I will, and she will watch, and then I will kill her. I do not like fools taking me for some alien from outer space who reads everything wrong side up. I find it so... annoying.
Now, when it comes to... women. I have a simple test. I am a guy that is, if you have not gotten it yet, VERY unfriendly. And I have issues of TRUST where women are concerned that are so grave I have decided that, since (something which I decided this morning as I was about to come down) I have gone for so long without even having sex and have so gotten used to my own company that I am sure there will never exist anyone I would want to share my life with, then, if it actually happens that there exists a woman that has never even been in another man's arms, has never even longed for anyone else, and that person can have the guts to actually come and stand before me and be able to look me in the eye, and say that she would sacrifice her world (a foregone conclusion anyway, because no member of her family will live) then, if that person can really be able to not annoy me, I would probably take her, but I must say that this is one of those... long shot... things. I may not specifically want to play golf, but I also do not lower my standards for anyone.
Now, I personally do not pay much attention to people, but well, I just noted that this vodka character, he had been trying to greet me, long time, and i would ignore him, and he would not seem to get the hint that I find him annoying, and do not seek or need any friendship from him.
Anyway, I walked a couple of steps up the mountain, felt my chest locking up, and decided to sit and let it out. I could identify the oranges I had bought in wynberg, big ones for one rand each, and then the cucumber that sydney had given me, and it was rather... ironic... that I was bringing out only... fruit, or greens if you get my drift. The bread stayed down. As I sat there, just taking it all in, the ... maybe... wife of the coloured guy ran past beneath me with the other german shepherd, like maybe they were telling me, like the clever blonde chick who thinks my world revolves around her, that I did not have to go anywhere.
I walked up, gradually, took maybe more than an hour, till I reached my place, and went to sleep superless because I made the classic mistake when trying to use a lighter, which I had just bought in wynberg. They have a '+' and a '-' and that thing you move when you want to switch it on or off, and I was busy switching it off all night till I gave up. When I did wake up, I saw my mistake but decided I would fill my stomach and just spend the day lazing around, meaning I would be butt-naked, in my blankets, and thinking. So, I did not come down. This morning, when I did come down, there is the vodka character, in a beaten down minibus, and he times his coming down from the street he must be staying in just fine so that as I get to the lawn he is driving down past me. Any thoughts that I can not be seen when I am up there have long since been dispelled.
Makes me wonder, though.The simple things that they miss, and think I am just having fun.The thing these fools do not seem to perceive is... whether I like it or not, I am in PERPETUAL warfare against forces that even they could never comprehend, and the ONLY way to carry on is to, well, destroy the opposition. Which thing I am willing to do without mercy, without pity, because well, I not only do not give a fuck about any of you, but I also do not really give a fuck about any of you, just in case you thought i gave a fuck about any of you.
So, maybe the vodka character, whom I do not see with his significant other anymore-maybe she left him- thinks I can do AC/DC, or some such stuff. I do not know. I have seen faggots, even up on the mountain, right after I had said that I am not interested in any woman, show up, like I am some sex starved person. Its weird, but then, coming from people that seem to think it 'normal' or 'ordained' that I must fall for a woman that belongs to someone else -how disgusting is that?- it pretty well goes to show. NO , I am in this for MY peace, and MY peace excludes everyone else, and if for my peace I must make war, and destroy everything in my path, well, good. As long as I can lie down at the end of the day and relax and there is nothing, not even a bug, to ... eh... bug me.
Now, I am tired of being insulted. I am unhappy, yes, but at the moment, I would be lying if I said I was mad. I do not FEEL mad. I of course have been thinking, about how silly fools would try to yank me in line by playing the emotional card... come to think of it, what was that apple chick trying to ACHIEVE by bringing that doormat of a dog towards me while at the same time walking hand in hand with the pretender? Like, you, WORSHIP me and know you can never have me?
And when I crack my knuckles in annoyance, there she is, ready to let BIG BAD MIKE intimidate the one person that when you really get down to it, knows no fear and NO backing-down?
Fuck, I promised I would kill the fools, and kill them I will, and she will watch, and then I will kill her. I do not like fools taking me for some alien from outer space who reads everything wrong side up. I find it so... annoying.
Now, when it comes to... women. I have a simple test. I am a guy that is, if you have not gotten it yet, VERY unfriendly. And I have issues of TRUST where women are concerned that are so grave I have decided that, since (something which I decided this morning as I was about to come down) I have gone for so long without even having sex and have so gotten used to my own company that I am sure there will never exist anyone I would want to share my life with, then, if it actually happens that there exists a woman that has never even been in another man's arms, has never even longed for anyone else, and that person can have the guts to actually come and stand before me and be able to look me in the eye, and say that she would sacrifice her world (a foregone conclusion anyway, because no member of her family will live) then, if that person can really be able to not annoy me, I would probably take her, but I must say that this is one of those... long shot... things. I may not specifically want to play golf, but I also do not lower my standards for anyone.
