It is about 10pm, and everyone is in their homes, the last trains have stopped moving, and it is too late to think of going to distant shebeens, and then, all of a sudden, the lights all go out, and there is a sound as of ... thunder... and it seems as though this sound is rapidly approaching, and when one stands outside one's hoki [hoekie, hawkie?] one sees, from the north, a very ... low flying... cloud? Anyway, one is about to go back inside one's house when suddenly one realises that this ... cloud... is taking bits and pieces of... homes with it, and just before one dies, one wonders what the fuck?
This, of course, is what will happen later today, when... people die.
But, the logical question is...
Ah, well, I could say it is because I hate pretty much anyone, but let us get to the basic facts of life.
For example, the 2nd Chronicles statement by God Almighty when he was replying to Solomon after the latter consecrated a temple and pretty much said to Him, 'You, O God, will have to shoehorn Yourself into this place, and be on call everytime we so demand, and for crying out loud, give us a break because we all sin, so, dont be so hard on us, OK?'; and He replied..."When I shut up the heavens, so that there is no rain... if My people, who are called by My name, will humble themselves, and turn from their wicked ways and pray and seek My face, then I will hear from heaven and I will forgive their sin and I will heal their land"
Now, how did that go in practice?
Josiah, a king among the Jews, one day decides he will try to get to the bottome of this God story thing, and someone brings him a book of the covenant between God and all Israel, and when he has it read to him, he rends his clothes [they loved that exhibitionism then, didnt they?], and says the 'woe, we are undone' bit like Isaiah, and of course, they wonder what God has to say about it.
God forgives the nation, thus; by promising them... truly... that He will surely cast everyone out of the land, and give it a rest, adding, however, that because Josiah humbled himself, it would not be done in his days but in the days of his son.
That is 'The One in Whom there is no variation nor shadow of turning'... classic act of the Immutable One, Who does not respect any person.
But, one may STILL ask, what wrong has anyone alive NOW done? And where do I fit in?
Well, God, when He made me, or when He made me...yeah, I will stick to that, because that is just about right [read Jeremiah 1] made me... different, because, you see, I am the ... first... and only... to actually be... aware... of the... wrongness... in motherhood.
From my own mother, of course, who, for a silly reason, wanted me dead so she could bear a burden that was NEVER intended for people to begin with, since God, when He said, "It is not good for the man to be alone, I will make him a helper suitable for him" never meant a wife, because the man had to have that... unique-ness that made him into the 'likeness' of God.
His own Voice, like when God showed His side to Moses and this Voice was saying "The LORD the LORD, gracious and merciful, preserving His mercy unto thousands... but He will in no wise clear the guilty" [eh, I think that is how it went], and THAT is what God meant, but the man, with the contrivance of the holy spirit, asked for a woman, and God gave him that one and so, the man began his gradual demise, which led to his becoming... but dust. and returning to dust.
But, of course, when it came to ME, I was born... unreasonable, and adamant that I would do NOTHING to help a woman simply because she stared at me soulfully, or used her own wiles to make me give in to her.
Which is why I walked away from my mother's dreams, because all I couls 'see' was that she hated me, so what the fuck would I have to do with her if she was an enemy?
And once I learned to disregard HER, I learned to disregard every other woman.
Only problem is, I had no idea where God stood on this, all I knew was that I did not like certain things, but He came through for me, in two instances I can recall off the cuff, three actually, with the third being quite... refreshing.
First time, I am stuck in RSA, about this time last year, being bombarded by the holy spirit on how wonderful Michelle is, and how I need her as my... helper, and while I listen, I hate this part, and so, finally I go to confront her one day at her then-workplace, and I ask her if she will come with me. No. Even if I told you I loved you? [see women are easy to read; tell her the moon rises because of her and she will extend her foot so that you can lick it]. Its possible.
I am walking away, disgruntled, when God says, "Why will you die?", and THAT is when I realised that, fuck! I do not have to have this garbage in my life! Later i was to start telling her so and she wanted me arrested and deported ... et.c.
Second time, Nicky?'s mother sees me walking up to the art shop, and then walk away because no one is there and she drives her car, and parks it right in my face, and gets out and quietly stares in the distance, and I READ her, but at the same time, God is saying, "I will NOT let you fall", and so, I am able to shake off the appeal to just forget about my anger and take her instead, even if she has some sex-appeal.
But, like God, I will in no wise clear the guilty.
Butt-head has a few more hours before his death warrant is immutable sealed and stamped for action!
The THIRD time has me now still reeling, and it has led me to say, Ok, Father, You win, I will re-arrange my... women.
It is Tuesday, the 13th of November, and, as usual, I am waiting outside the Fish- Hoek library for it to open, and as I sit on the bench by the door, I loook at the bookshelves and I see this woman, and now, SHE is the most beautiful lady I have ever seen. She is not tall; her head barely clears the bookshelf at the furthest end from me, as I sit, but when I look at her she looks up from the magazines which she was leafing, and she does what I normally do when I first encounter a person's gaze; she freezes, and searches my face to see if I am... upset... at her, just as I do when someone stares at me, only I do it to see if someone is laughing at my ugliness. When she sees that I am not taking her beauty as an affront, she does this thing also, she turns her back on me, to look at the posters near the phone, and then turns and looks at me, and I keep on staring.
Library opens and I go in , but wait to see her full figure. She has a ring on her RIGHT hand, and her blonde hair is such as I want to reach out and touch, and she is... curvy. I say to myself, Nicky? just got knocked out.
I like her and decide I will replace the married chick and be assured of 18 women that I will take with me.
as for the rest, well, they chose!
