I am just pointing this out so that, when people start dying [seeing that, technically, today is the 'second' day, and tomorrow should therefore be D-Day] they may not wonder what kind of... animal, I am.
See, as a kid, I rejected anything to do with God and His order; I liked the Bible stories, yes, but NOT where He would come in and start giving orders, and start judging people.
I made up my mind I would have nothing to do with that, not because Idid not think He was right; right or wrong was immaterial, but because I knew I could never live a life where I had to get His approval just to breathe, or carry on.
yesterday I said that I wanted to kill myself because of the persecution by the holy spirit, but that was not true, I wanted to die because God had not left me alone, but came looking, and to me it meant that He wanted me to... conform to something, some standard, and ... worship... Him and tell Him how wonderful He is and how great and how much I was 'grateful' He had not left me to myself but had disregarded my own inclinations and forced Himself on me.
He made sure I had no escape clause, because He took away the one thing I had that left me with some kind of integrity, independence; the right to choose when or where to get off if the journey took too much out of me; thr right to choose when to die, and how to do it.
I remember walking through Capricorn, playing music on my Samsung P500?,[ the one looks like a Nokia 6300, only a bit bigger, more chic?], and being followed by these coloured skollies to and from Pick and Pay, and, as I was near this container where this Chinese guy has his shop, they tell me, hey, we dont want trouble, just give us the phone, and I laughed and hit one... now, normally, I hit a person of MY size, guy falls down, but these GMO kids, not even up to my chin, I hit him he not only stays upright but he takes out a knife... and I feel ... incredibly... tired, bone weary, unable to even stand, and it is as if all my strength is drained, like someone has unplugged the drain and everything seeps out... and the guy aims for my neck; it is a BIG knife, and I watch it come, thinking, 'hallelua!', finally, goodbye, and guess what, it just... bounces. On my fucking neck! Like I was made of steel or something. Left not even a dent, and I guess the guy is as surprised as I am disappointed, and next thing, I use my body weight to knock him down, because I am still as strong as a newly born kitten, and as we both fall, the other guy takes out his own knife and stabs me on the right arm.
That left a mark, but I was left there, like a quadriplegic, unable to evn explain to passersby why I was neither doing the prudent thing and running away, or slipping into my usual berserker mode and killing the sons of bitches.
See, I had made up my mind to die that day, and so, I had programmed myself, my body, to accept the... inevitability... of death, and deliberately gone around inviting trouble, and got it... and THEN, as usual, at the critical moment, God chips in, and snatches me out of death's way.
The phone falls from my hooded-top's pocket in the tussle and one of the guys picks it up and runs away, while I dazedly get to my feet and half-heartedly chase after him.
How could I explain that, to people to whom material things matter, I REALLY do NOT care what I wear, eat, or have,as long as I get to pursue the desire to ... die.
So, OK, in God's defense, He has NOT really been ... Himself... when dealing with His people, and the only reason I have stopped so earnestly seeking death is that I grasped that God is usually just... responsive; one has to get to His heart to understand that what He wants is radically different from what we think He wants.
He surprised me the other time when, way back in 2000, I fumblingly, after trying to be the... model... Christian... said brokenly to Him:
God, my mother does not... like me
In the sense that try as I might to... honour her, and my dad, nothing would ever... improve.
That night He answered me, showing that He had been aware of my hurt from way back, and showed me the lines of the song 'Amazing Grace', but with a twist
amazing grace, how sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
was blind but now I see... clearly
And I realised, and have kept on realising, that God was sending me a love song, me, a person who 'sees' things as they are and does not have anything to believe in. I live by what I see and can handle and can assimilate by my senses, and even then, nothing I see impresses me, because you see, I see everyone as shorn of all the pretence, and it is impossible to deceive me about just who or what a person is.
If anything, I may focus on a person just to see WHY there is a discrepancy when it comes to what the person is saying and to what the person is doing, and some people I react to instantly th moment I see them, like this guy I sat next to this morning and I instantly wanted to beat him up.
he is Xhosa, with all that vile race's absurd mannerisms, and frankly, THAT is why I want Harare and Khayelitsha destroyed in my flood; because they killed my fellow countrymen and nobody paid the price.
Well, no more shall there be a delay. I will exact revenge, and people shall start weeping so much from now on they will forget that there is anything called laughter. I want to see those... hardened... faces realise that close to, or above, a million, people have just been exterminated like vermin, in what is said to be the most... excrutiating way of dying possible... drowning. They will drown in their tears... yesss!
And afterward burn in hell... hell YEEESSSS!!!
dont provoke it
coz the weed where we smoking
need exalting
best thing fir the meditation
are the best high grade are Jamaican.
I once compsed my own lines during xenophobia
So when you see the men be working
dont provoke them
coz the rand where them earning
need exalting
best thing fir the brethren
good fir the people inna dem nation...
Well, they wanted jobs:- I will GIVE them the opportunity to get them, by reducing the competition, the arseholes!
