then, today, after more anger at God, I went down again, and as I was walking down, a small voice went "tell me what you want from me", and then I said, Get out!, and the voice went again, "tell me what you want", and then, suddenly, what I had been getting just a feel of made a lot of sense.
When God told me to try the falco effect, He was also telling me that His ... perception was deeper than I thought, and which is why he did not say "use the falco effect", but "try..." leaving me an option to exercise my free will, as to whether I could go on or not.
the point is, well, if someone else had been looking over His shoulder when He said that, the person would assume that I was just lazy, and so would 'try' to have me do something to prove myself... see?
Which means the person I should be mad at is the holy spirit, but really, even God's thing have to be restructured, because there is no way i will be able to keep myself from... OK, later with that.
BUT, I also have to accept the fact that God KNEW that the REAL rwason why I did nothing was that I neither wanted my mother to glory in the deeds, nor did i want to keep myself idle any longer, so, of course, came the solution that I would have ... those women... to bolster me up, and well, I met... the last one today outside this cafe' where Sidney has his workshop, see?
Woman walks out with a baby in her arms, a guy with her holding another baby, and I was standing in the way, so as I stood aside, the woman smiled at me, a shy smile, and I realised juts who I wasd looking at, and realised that I wanted these women, really, and could not chuck off God and keep any kind of sense in things.
because, if this makes any sense, I am NOT supposed to kill anyone, but I can NOT let things go, so I jneed solutions, or I KILL people, see"? And I will NOT be able to have any chance to LOOK dfor women when the ... presidents... die, because then every woman will KNOW who I am, and so will be able to pretend to like me, so mthese women will be those who... dwelt in darkness, in the sense that they did NOT despise me when I was small.
Which means, like, THIS Saturday will be the time when 'everyone will know me', like... if THAT makes any sense.
Which means I will have resolved the issues of all these people, and either have people to 'compensate' me for the insults I have suffered, or I will kill people and NOT be an 'academic'... see?
Allison, I do not know what you have to say to that, because frankly, I am itching to do SOMETHING to you!
