After a strange and weird conclusion to the day yesterday, and an even more unstable night, I had this text to mull over in my ... moments of ... waking-in-sleep.
Now, the day before yesterday, after i had posted on my blogspot, I had an... experience... that made me realise the folly of being ... attached... to any... person.
I had said I would spare sydney pain, and when I went to kalk bay later that day, he had a ... strange request;- now, he is staying somewhere in ocean's view, with rastas there and for free in some commune, and he gathers firewood on the mountain where i ... sleep... and, anyway, he wanted me to get him some of my wire -18 guage- if i had any that, unlike his, was NOT darkened by smoke, so, because the -order that he was working on was, seemingly urgent, though the lady did NOT show up that day nor yesterday- I agreed to break routine and walk up and down the mountain, and I am pretty sure the mountain law-enforcement guys saw me, and the general area where I stay.
yesterday, while I was down, they came and raided everything, and took even my 'new' boots, that I had plans for, and left me with only what I had on me.
NOT that i am complaining, because by some weird twist, I had already decided that I would NOT be staying on the mountain for any long time anymore;- I am fed up with a lot of stuff, and I really just want to get on with life.
Now, I have two choices, and the first one is that i decide to just say to everything, fuck you, and, since, if you did not know by now, you MUST be aware of it; I am REALLY the deciding factor in everything; well, then darkness descends, and I go on a killing spree, and ultimately slay all the people that have pissed me off while my place is being prepared and the twenty-one females are coming my way. Whether we leave later using the US Air force One or using a locally acquired plane is a matter of little importance;- when one has an accelerated learning curve like mine, how difficult can it be to... fly... a plane? i mean, one thing I do NOT want is to carry passengers that will later have to leave, so, once the plane or planes to bring the Dutch girl and the german girl come, I will probably have everything grounded and NO One will be able to come in or get out, because i will later have to clean house.
THAT is my preferred exit route, and well, that means I will probably end up doing things just like that, see?
BUT, there is choice number two, and, well, it speaks to my... libido... as well as my desire for vengeance FIRST, before glory.
This is the kind of night I had;- I lit a fire in another, lower down cave, and braai-ed the two fish I had and ate those with the remainder of the bread i had had to go to F/Hoek to get, and slept fitfully, amazed that I was not only NOT bothered by this change of affairs, and quite glad that the things I had made, the frames and such, were gone and I had no more attachments, to tie me down to the mountain, and realising that there is NO ONE that ought to make me make any concessions, that it has to be MY way or no way at all, that NOBODY really matters at all, except me, and whosoever decides that he/she is sooo relevant that he/she has to have some sway with me will meet the same end that I have reserved for most of the +7,000,000,000 people on the planet;- death, and that ONLY what is useful to me, and serves me, will remain, regardless of family ties or anything that people think matter, because i REALLY do not give a hoot for people's opinions, just obedience, and easy... access.
Anyway, as I slept, and woke, and slept, and was surprised to find that it was only about 2am at one time, and yet i was not as frozen as i should be -talk about literal "essence of survive"; I can withstand anything apparently and no one will ever know - I was surprised to find this text come to me,
"Today, if you will hear my voice, harden not your heart as in the provocation...(and as in the day of temptation in the wilderness)<= my addition [Psalm 95 verse7-8],
and while i, as usual paid it no attention except to put an 'asterisk' to it, I was later surprised this morning, getting up earlier than usual, to meet the inkfish girl, alone, walking to work.
like she had decided NOT to play games with me anymore. I said nothing to her, walked on, and realised THEN why the two women, the one for allison and the one for HER, were necessary;- because I WOULD have later killed her for ever daring to oppose me, when I am NOT and never was, even looking for a woman nor, technically, looking at HER as if she was in anyway appetising.
Which means, apparently, that the five women, six if you consider a... repeat effect that God likes particularly, meaning that ONE of the women will be a... girl, a virgin... will NOT all be women that come from the people michelle associates with.
So, take the three women that have caused my 'kingsize bitterness', and refused to ... obey me [fuck, i had NO idea that the ONE way to really piss me off is to disobey me, THAT starts the worst kind of war anyone can ever expect] and then the Latino chick, and then, probably, the ONE woman that will really upset butt-head as I lick her... pussy... or do whatever with while he waits to die;- his MOTHER, then, of course, i have five women that would have to avail themselves to ME, before I get... drastic, and , of course, to keep from killing nicky?, i get to humble HER by having her daughter as well.
Well, of course, anyone can say, no, and we will proceed with the... thing some other way, the FIRST way, where everything dies anyway, since I am NOT in a negotiating mood!
Today...!
