On one hand, there is God, Whom I will never forgive becuase he did the very thing that He seems to be so busy wrangling with me over other people about.
Fine, I am a person who never had a loving shoulder to lean on, and so, even He has treated me with contempt, thinking that because I have no one I can confide in, no one to comfort me, He can ride roughshod over me and there will be no one to say, hey, but is that not really proper conduct?
I was all day yelloiung at Him, telling Him, pointing out that the real reason He was so... impressed by people like David was because the boy was a reject in his family, and thus would have no one to defend him, which is why God decided to... take him in hand, and lead him through a life of misery, a life where some guy takes ... pride... in the fact that "though I walk throuugh the valley of the shadow of death, I will mfear no evil"... as if it is... proper that one should have God, the Omnipotent, on one;s side and STILL have to go through humiliation when the same ALL-Powerful one is supposedly ... for you.
Same with jacob. God waits till the fool is homeless, then decided to persecute him, because He knows that he can not run for help anywhere, and so, well, I told Him that I was so pissed that He should waltz into my life, overlook the fact that nthere is a door, and decide He would ...take over... give me extra life when the whole reason I wanted to die was because HE was there.
I quit the Goldbach Conjecture BECAUSE he said "try the falco effect", and I knew that my... plan, to get money, give it to my mother and the rest to Him and then die, would not work if He was taking me in hand and so had, obviously, plans.
And He did not see that, which made me realise that He had a fixation when it comes to view point, so I have decided that He will NOT have any say or final decision when it comes to my future, because the fact that He decided to overlook the obvious, and ask me what I wanted till late{and even then in a directed way}, when every solution He had tried to force on me had failed, was ample proof that His hands were dangerous to ... hold my life.And I will never stop hating Him for his persecution of me, all this time, the arsehole.
Then there are people. I have no idea what people think when they see me, but no one who has just met me, and has eyes, will ever think me... despicable, as michelle so obviously did, and for thatm, even if i have to spend five years slowly teasing the life from her torturted limbs, I will do it, and will NOT let God have any say over t
Because the one thing I have never been able to do, thanks mainly to God's ... ownership... that isolated me from people, was to develop an ability to... let go when I have been wounded. Even if i make a person pay for it a million times over, I NEVER feel that I have been paid in full, because to me, if the person had NOT despised me, then it would NEVER have happened to begin with, so, of course, there is NO compensation possible.
So what I said goes, it will not change., and I want it known that, AFTER I have killed allison and that other french girl for their trepass on MYb territory, I WILL be looking for compensation from other French women, and some other women who have to close wounds that some others have opened, or at least not make them smart so.
In other words, I am taking over totally. I am using the thing that God gave me to 'speak and have thing happen, because that thing is THE thing I need to be THE Almighty, and so, I do not need God telling me anything.
I am NOW the God of War, and I am completely in charge.
