If I was one to gloat I would have a lot to go on about right now, but I learned my own weakness yesterday in such a glaringly obvious impossible to miss way that I certainly do NOT want to ever expose myself to such surprises again, which is why I am generally staying out of the way till I DO leave, which, unfortunately for you all, is inevitable, come rain, hell or high water
Ihad spent the last two days just being invisible because I was waiting for the day that my father had promised he was flying out two guys to come deliver money into my hands, and I came down the mountain the third day, and I was focused on making that phone call to ask when they were leaving Zimbabwe and what time I should expect them in sight. He told me 3 pm. It was rainy, a bit, and I am almost certain I had nothing to do with it. Well, it rained at all the appropriate times, I guess, and then, I get some chips to eat as vinnie leaves me to mind his tall while he goes to drop off his niece in site5. Next thing I knew, one time I was standing upright wondering why I am feeling so whoozy and the next I am on the floor, and thinking would it not be nice to just curl up and lie down like this for the rest of my life?
She had shown up, of course, and the interested part of me that was not so... distant had figured out that well, \I am REALLY going to live my life witout her, and she was probably about to die now, and for some reason there was a complete overload, and well, I do NOT collapse. I do NOT faint, but I did.
vain hope I have been having. All she has wanted from the first has been for her people to be saved by any plans or whatever, and so, we have been on a collision course since day one. Fraid cant keep up the pretense any longer, because it has come to this time, the time where I HAVE to go because I have no place of my own, and if Iam not to keep on apologising for being alive, I have to get out of here and find my own place, the place I was promised, that got me to leave home.
That goes without saying. I have to face it. I am what I am, and that means I have the RIGHT to take what I want to take and do as I see fit because I have tis goal I had from te moment God waltzed into my life, and I worried about what was between me and Him. And it definitely is NOT servanthood, which means I will ONLY get meaning in my life if I get to the bottom of what really worries me. And so far, I have never been able to handle anyone else's burdens, and I know my weaknesses and I would be a fool to hang around when the rest of the the rest of my life is calling.
Now, just hope those clowns of my father's pitch up before I get very very agitated.
I hate being agitated.
I hate that
Ihad spent the last two days just being invisible because I was waiting for the day that my father had promised he was flying out two guys to come deliver money into my hands, and I came down the mountain the third day, and I was focused on making that phone call to ask when they were leaving Zimbabwe and what time I should expect them in sight. He told me 3 pm. It was rainy, a bit, and I am almost certain I had nothing to do with it. Well, it rained at all the appropriate times, I guess, and then, I get some chips to eat as vinnie leaves me to mind his tall while he goes to drop off his niece in site5. Next thing I knew, one time I was standing upright wondering why I am feeling so whoozy and the next I am on the floor, and thinking would it not be nice to just curl up and lie down like this for the rest of my life?
She had shown up, of course, and the interested part of me that was not so... distant had figured out that well, \I am REALLY going to live my life witout her, and she was probably about to die now, and for some reason there was a complete overload, and well, I do NOT collapse. I do NOT faint, but I did.
vain hope I have been having. All she has wanted from the first has been for her people to be saved by any plans or whatever, and so, we have been on a collision course since day one. Fraid cant keep up the pretense any longer, because it has come to this time, the time where I HAVE to go because I have no place of my own, and if Iam not to keep on apologising for being alive, I have to get out of here and find my own place, the place I was promised, that got me to leave home.
That goes without saying. I have to face it. I am what I am, and that means I have the RIGHT to take what I want to take and do as I see fit because I have tis goal I had from te moment God waltzed into my life, and I worried about what was between me and Him. And it definitely is NOT servanthood, which means I will ONLY get meaning in my life if I get to the bottom of what really worries me. And so far, I have never been able to handle anyone else's burdens, and I know my weaknesses and I would be a fool to hang around when the rest of the the rest of my life is calling.
I hate being agitated.
I hate that
