My life, weird as it is, is one where I ignore God's advice at my own peril, and the current situation I am in makes me think more and more of the first time ever that He spoke to me, after we had ... met, that night, and He quoted the lines of that poem...
"What tangled webs we weave,
when first we learn to deceive"
in that soft, not-so-intrusive voice.
Funny thing, that, I was, almost, going to go for a chick that I had seen overlook me and then only notice me when she read the beautiful lies I wrote in m,y English Composition Exercise Book, and while I realised that whatever came up would not be based on real, true, physical attraction, because she found me repulsive and was at pains to show that, and I was a person with eyes in his head and could not pretend that much that she thought me something, as a person, I at first just wanted to ... have... even the scraps that came along with the contempt.
Then He spoke, and I put brakes on the whole thing, till 4 years had gone by and I saw her again, and the girl, now a woman was so bloated and ugly I knew I had just been saved some nightmarish life with her.And I knew that God was with me. And I hated it so much that I wished I was dead. That was probably the first push towards my suicidal slant. My sister was the next. Only to find that I can not die, I can not remain sick, and i am probably a wh9ole more healthier than the healthiest mortal among you...
My my my!
So, as I said, I tend to pay attention when God speaks, because He means me no harm, and He knows who really cares and who does not, and I suppose I had been looking for someone that cared for me, the physical person, and all I got were silly women that tried to get into my head and impose their own wills on the ONE person that they should not have ever tried doing that with, ever, and for which, sad for them, they will pay. I do NOT forgove insults, and never overlook slights, and so, while they may think that I am having a crisis of concscience, have beaten off more than I can chew, the simple truth is, vinnie, whose departure was supposed to have freed me to deal with all these fools and destroy them as only I can, is still... around.
$$$$ Cash problems$$$$
Story of my life.
I wish I understood money so that I could somehow make it happen for him, because I am getting impatient. I had nothing else to do in prison but plan just HOW, worst and best case, I would come out, and so far, coming out was the best case scenario. I have no hangups about how I got out, not that I would have lost any sleep if I had had to kill the wardens and their Rottweilers to get out, but then, knowning MY own propensity for self-destruction, I would have 'accidentally' acquired some cust and bruises just so that I can see whether I really would have survived it.
So, I came out, and the next issue on the agenda was dealijng with vinnie, and so far, I find my hands tied to do anything because he is the ONLY person I know of that cares for me, and I can no expose him to the raw fury I feel for those that I ... HATE... and so, this trip of his was for me heavensent. And it keeps being postponed.
I want to go home, and then fly to the US, simple. I want to take matters into my own hands and deal with everything MY way, and yet, for all that, I can not ignore what God says, not because He will punish me for doing my own will- hell I am an independent, full empowered entity- but because He knows me, and knows what the future holds.
BUT, I have this to say, concerning the other reason why I am still stuck here, a reason I will very mauch want to ... disappoint because she is to me a B3, a Brainless Blond Bimbo, who thinks, for some reasom, that she is there to get inside my head;- I mean, the silly bitch had the nerve, withouet even KNOWING what the vision I was talking about was about, to assume I was scared of dogs, when I had probably showed her the real me, the guy who does NOT really care that deply for anything, and for HER own information, SHE was the dog in the vision, with her trying to keep me in line while giving all the kudos to people like mike and stuff. I told her over and over again she was disrepsecting me, and she did not pay attention because she knows better, and now, she has filled my rage to its exteremities, and I am going to make her, and those people, pay. It is ot whether they are going to die now, her and her mother and all and sundryb who arranged themselves against me, it is HOW they are going to die NOW that is in her hands, I get my firend out of the way, I will hunt them down and destroy them, or there can be another way, but make no mistake about it, THIS week will NOT pass before every single one of them, fully clothed, is enjoying a vacation in the hottest part of hell, curtesy of the God of War... Prince Mutasa... because I want to go home, and get done with my other business.
I have, technically, packed my bags, and one thing I can not and have never been able to stand is an argument with anyone over ... my life, how to live it, and so, I am done arguing. I am about to depart,l and everyone of you, worldwide, is about to die. I will not lose any sleepm over that, i have no kids, and have no remorse over your ultimate destinies, you all are nothing to me when weighed in your entireties, but I have to say that I am not interested in putting myself out just so that someone else may be comfortable. I will NEVER, ever do anyone a good turn, because I do not like you all. I will kill you, and if that bald statement irritates you too much, and you feel you have something to say about it, come, meet me and say so to mys face,l and I will KILL you with my bare hands. I , not God, am the one who is stopping t6he show, so do not assume that He is in some way responsible for this. NO, it is me, and I a glad that NONE of you pay attention to anything I say, because that means you will try to push me, and i will be very glad to expunge your miserable lives, yeahsss
So, yesterday I went to vinnie's and saw these two movies, and I was impressed by the line on the first one, as it ended
"I am the PUNISHMENT of God
If you had not sinned greatly
God would not have sent a punishment as great as I am on you":-Gengis Khan. Par for the course
"What tangled webs we weave,
when first we learn to deceive"
in that soft, not-so-intrusive voice.
Funny thing, that, I was, almost, going to go for a chick that I had seen overlook me and then only notice me when she read the beautiful lies I wrote in m,y English Composition Exercise Book, and while I realised that whatever came up would not be based on real, true, physical attraction, because she found me repulsive and was at pains to show that, and I was a person with eyes in his head and could not pretend that much that she thought me something, as a person, I at first just wanted to ... have... even the scraps that came along with the contempt.
Then He spoke, and I put brakes on the whole thing, till 4 years had gone by and I saw her again, and the girl, now a woman was so bloated and ugly I knew I had just been saved some nightmarish life with her.And I knew that God was with me. And I hated it so much that I wished I was dead. That was probably the first push towards my suicidal slant. My sister was the next. Only to find that I can not die, I can not remain sick, and i am probably a wh9ole more healthier than the healthiest mortal among you...
My my my!
So, as I said, I tend to pay attention when God speaks, because He means me no harm, and He knows who really cares and who does not, and I suppose I had been looking for someone that cared for me, the physical person, and all I got were silly women that tried to get into my head and impose their own wills on the ONE person that they should not have ever tried doing that with, ever, and for which, sad for them, they will pay. I do NOT forgove insults, and never overlook slights, and so, while they may think that I am having a crisis of concscience, have beaten off more than I can chew, the simple truth is, vinnie, whose departure was supposed to have freed me to deal with all these fools and destroy them as only I can, is still... around.
$$$$ Cash problems$$$$
Story of my life.
I wish I understood money so that I could somehow make it happen for him, because I am getting impatient. I had nothing else to do in prison but plan just HOW, worst and best case, I would come out, and so far, coming out was the best case scenario. I have no hangups about how I got out, not that I would have lost any sleep if I had had to kill the wardens and their Rottweilers to get out, but then, knowning MY own propensity for self-destruction, I would have 'accidentally' acquired some cust and bruises just so that I can see whether I really would have survived it.
So, I came out, and the next issue on the agenda was dealijng with vinnie, and so far, I find my hands tied to do anything because he is the ONLY person I know of that cares for me, and I can no expose him to the raw fury I feel for those that I ... HATE... and so, this trip of his was for me heavensent. And it keeps being postponed.
I want to go home, and then fly to the US, simple. I want to take matters into my own hands and deal with everything MY way, and yet, for all that, I can not ignore what God says, not because He will punish me for doing my own will- hell I am an independent, full empowered entity- but because He knows me, and knows what the future holds.
BUT, I have this to say, concerning the other reason why I am still stuck here, a reason I will very mauch want to ... disappoint because she is to me a B3, a Brainless Blond Bimbo, who thinks, for some reasom, that she is there to get inside my head;- I mean, the silly bitch had the nerve, withouet even KNOWING what the vision I was talking about was about, to assume I was scared of dogs, when I had probably showed her the real me, the guy who does NOT really care that deply for anything, and for HER own information, SHE was the dog in the vision, with her trying to keep me in line while giving all the kudos to people like mike and stuff. I told her over and over again she was disrepsecting me, and she did not pay attention because she knows better, and now, she has filled my rage to its exteremities, and I am going to make her, and those people, pay. It is ot whether they are going to die now, her and her mother and all and sundryb who arranged themselves against me, it is HOW they are going to die NOW that is in her hands, I get my firend out of the way, I will hunt them down and destroy them, or there can be another way, but make no mistake about it, THIS week will NOT pass before every single one of them, fully clothed, is enjoying a vacation in the hottest part of hell, curtesy of the God of War... Prince Mutasa... because I want to go home, and get done with my other business.
So, yesterday I went to vinnie's and saw these two movies, and I was impressed by the line on the first one, as it ended
If you had not sinned greatly
God would not have sent a punishment as great as I am on you":-Gengis Khan. Par for the course
