When I last showed up in court, the interpreter I did not need and had refused and been overruled by the judge because he was convinced I could not speak english, came up to me, and said that there was a possibility that I could get an outside sentence- I never trusted the woman, she had a way of twisting words, and I did NOT need an interpreter- and do community service at some police station somewhere as long as it was not in the muizenberg area. It was better, she said, than rotting in prison. I remember looking upwards, and commenting to Him, 'how humiliating! Your doing?', but I just shrugged, and she organised for me to see one of those officials, a whatchimacallit who deals with all sorts of social... yes, social worker.
I walked out of the holding cells, through the court, and for the first time in two months saw open doors and sunshine.
A quiet desperation grew within me, and when the social worker said he was busy, and we had delayed, even the warrant officer, after observing me, decided that he could not risk having me sit in the lobby, and I went back to the cells, and almost wept.
It was only later, after most prisoners had been dealt with, that I asked the same warrant officer whether they had forgotten about me, that I got called, and the judge, interpreter absent, told me that the free air was mine for the take.
I could not find the exit. I was that stunned, and delirious, and I got out, got on the train, and went to Claremont library, and it was only as I sat there, remembering a vision -the one I never explained- and also reading Lee Child's Nothing To Lose, that I figured I would let my insatiable curiosity lead me by the hand again, and go to kalk bay, to lay matters to rest.
I am getting that quiet desperation feeling again, like I have glimpsed what is beyond the door through the key-hole, and now all I see is this huge door barring my way to freedom.
I have walked in darkness, and not had the light of anyone's counsel to light my path, and I have never trusted anyone in my whole life, and so, when I have tested God and found Him consistent, and when I have realised that He is really serious about me reaching out and taking what I want and it doesnt matter who cries foul, I find it a bit annoying that some fools can not just GET the point that what I said about their ultimate disposals is NOT some fluke and still try to buzz around me like flies, thinking that I will be distracted...
Pathetic!
Yesterday was a case in point, and well, I am sure you would all like to hear about it, but then, I am NOT interested in re-iterating what some fools did and thus give them some kind of importance. What I want to make excessively, abundantly CLEAR is THIS, and it is going to gall the most because you all read my posts, and then see me walking up and down, and I irritate you by my arrogance, but you do not get it that I am TELLING you what I intend to do to you all because I KNOW that there is nothing any of you can do to me, and because I want to show you how much I dislike every single one of you, and really long for you all to be dead.
I made a promise that every single one of you will die, and from where I stand, it is actually members of MY family that carved a place in my heart before I morphed that are going to live to see the next seven years, while EVERY OTHER person, regardless of who you are, or where you come from, or whether we smile at each other or nod at each other or not, will DIE.
Simply because I SAY so.
So, hate me, walk by me again and remind me of the bitterness you have caused me, trust me, I record these things, and having recorded them, this time, I use them as fuel for my rage, and trust me, I am about to pour out on the whole lot of you the worst devastation that this world has ever seen. because THAT is what I want, and I tend to always, no matter how small the issue, want whoever has wronged me to pay. I said I was coming to see if vinnie got to live or die, and now, this is the funny thing, tony, you bigmouth who yaps on and on because you think that by reading my posts you got the measure of me; I have decided that he dies, and so, you can tell him, since he does not read my posts, and right now is busy trying to organise money for me to go home from his men's-fellowship... eh, fellows. Would it not be quite ironic that I get out of kalk bay on someone's ticket and that means is what will mean that your own life ends?
ha ha. I never liked you, and of course, I am trying to annoy you. Fuck, you irritate me, and now, I want to know what the fuck you will do about all this?
I never could play by civilised people's rules;- I tend to be too blunt for that, and speaking of which, well, there is one person that I will confess is probably the chief reason I get quite powerless whenever I want to get BAD or NASTY.
Woman, I do care about you, and I do NOT want to see you die. However, things being the way they are, you probably will. For one thing, I am not and will never, be interested in sparing a single member of your family, because when you showed up under my radar, every act of yours was with that in end. So, since I was NOT the first priority, I can not take your leavings and say that I am glad for even tidbits of attention. I may not look like it, but I am the GREATEST thing either you or anyone else in this lifetime will ever see, and so, I measure myself by that yardstick.
So, if your aim was to be another queen esther, well... drop dead.
The other thing is that, even if that guy is your brother, what the two of you did was disgusting, and I am not the kind who forgets. You have not changed at all. You sought me out when I came out of prison, but always with the same agenda, that I bow down to your will.
You must have me confused for some other guy who actually gives a fuck.
I have been as clear as I can be, now, come on, people, make me more mad. and maybe, just maybe, I can and will do this without having to take a single step outside kalk bay. Expunge, eliminate, exterminate, incinerate you all, that is!
I walked out of the holding cells, through the court, and for the first time in two months saw open doors and sunshine.
A quiet desperation grew within me, and when the social worker said he was busy, and we had delayed, even the warrant officer, after observing me, decided that he could not risk having me sit in the lobby, and I went back to the cells, and almost wept.
It was only later, after most prisoners had been dealt with, that I asked the same warrant officer whether they had forgotten about me, that I got called, and the judge, interpreter absent, told me that the free air was mine for the take.
I could not find the exit. I was that stunned, and delirious, and I got out, got on the train, and went to Claremont library, and it was only as I sat there, remembering a vision -the one I never explained- and also reading Lee Child's Nothing To Lose, that I figured I would let my insatiable curiosity lead me by the hand again, and go to kalk bay, to lay matters to rest.
I have walked in darkness, and not had the light of anyone's counsel to light my path, and I have never trusted anyone in my whole life, and so, when I have tested God and found Him consistent, and when I have realised that He is really serious about me reaching out and taking what I want and it doesnt matter who cries foul, I find it a bit annoying that some fools can not just GET the point that what I said about their ultimate disposals is NOT some fluke and still try to buzz around me like flies, thinking that I will be distracted...
Pathetic!
Yesterday was a case in point, and well, I am sure you would all like to hear about it, but then, I am NOT interested in re-iterating what some fools did and thus give them some kind of importance. What I want to make excessively, abundantly CLEAR is THIS, and it is going to gall the most because you all read my posts, and then see me walking up and down, and I irritate you by my arrogance, but you do not get it that I am TELLING you what I intend to do to you all because I KNOW that there is nothing any of you can do to me, and because I want to show you how much I dislike every single one of you, and really long for you all to be dead.
I made a promise that every single one of you will die, and from where I stand, it is actually members of MY family that carved a place in my heart before I morphed that are going to live to see the next seven years, while EVERY OTHER person, regardless of who you are, or where you come from, or whether we smile at each other or nod at each other or not, will DIE.
Simply because I SAY so.
So, hate me, walk by me again and remind me of the bitterness you have caused me, trust me, I record these things, and having recorded them, this time, I use them as fuel for my rage, and trust me, I am about to pour out on the whole lot of you the worst devastation that this world has ever seen. because THAT is what I want, and I tend to always, no matter how small the issue, want whoever has wronged me to pay. I said I was coming to see if vinnie got to live or die, and now, this is the funny thing, tony, you bigmouth who yaps on and on because you think that by reading my posts you got the measure of me; I have decided that he dies, and so, you can tell him, since he does not read my posts, and right now is busy trying to organise money for me to go home from his men's-fellowship... eh, fellows. Would it not be quite ironic that I get out of kalk bay on someone's ticket and that means is what will mean that your own life ends?
ha ha. I never liked you, and of course, I am trying to annoy you. Fuck, you irritate me, and now, I want to know what the fuck you will do about all this?
I never could play by civilised people's rules;- I tend to be too blunt for that, and speaking of which, well, there is one person that I will confess is probably the chief reason I get quite powerless whenever I want to get BAD or NASTY.
Woman, I do care about you, and I do NOT want to see you die. However, things being the way they are, you probably will. For one thing, I am not and will never, be interested in sparing a single member of your family, because when you showed up under my radar, every act of yours was with that in end. So, since I was NOT the first priority, I can not take your leavings and say that I am glad for even tidbits of attention. I may not look like it, but I am the GREATEST thing either you or anyone else in this lifetime will ever see, and so, I measure myself by that yardstick.
So, if your aim was to be another queen esther, well... drop dead.
The other thing is that, even if that guy is your brother, what the two of you did was disgusting, and I am not the kind who forgets. You have not changed at all. You sought me out when I came out of prison, but always with the same agenda, that I bow down to your will.
You must have me confused for some other guy who actually gives a fuck.
I have been as clear as I can be, now, come on, people, make me more mad. and maybe, just maybe, I can and will do this without having to take a single step outside kalk bay. Expunge, eliminate, exterminate, incinerate you all, that is!
