Two or is it three days ago, I sent an email to my cousin to ask her to send me my father's phone number because i wanted to talk to him, and could she please keep it secret from anyone else?
She pulled through, and the day before I got sent an email response, forwarded straight from him, which stated that I was supposed to buzz him yesterday on a certain number, at approximately 11am, and then he would call straight back. The "prince mutasa" pseudonym is not something new to him, he has been aware of it for quite a while... but, anyway, because I had to take a train to avoid the ... attentions... of the woman and end up walking from sunny cove to the library, I got there too late to do anything, and all I contented myself with doing while I posted my stuff was respond to the email from him, and ask for... funds... to come home.
The reply was immediate, and crisp, and terse;- would a thousand dollars american be enough? Send account details.
After making my way back to kalk bay, though, and being severely pissed off by the way I was having to rein in my temper, I knew I wouold explode if i did nothing, so i decided to call the number, around 2pm, from vinnie's phone, and I was surprised when a throaty, sexy female voice called back asking politely who it was that had tried to get in touch with GENERAL A.T.M. Mutasa's office, and I floundered through my response, that I was his son , prince, and wanted to talk to him if it was possible, and she told me to hold, and so, I waited and heard , for the first time in a long, long, time, my ... father's Voice.
And in his slow way he asked me if I was really serious about xcoming home, like we botyh know that THAT is a bad idea, because some thing have been said and done that can not be unsaid or undone, and I am NOT penitent, never have been, but I told him how thinghs were with me, how I had been locked up for 3 months at POLLSMOOR, and he cut in, "let me guess, woman trouble?" and i said, yep, story of my life, and so he hummed and hawed, and I hummed and hawed, and then I gave him vinnie's account details, and he later told me to delete the number from the phone- trust is NOT endemic, either in the family or in the country- and use it only when necessary;- he knows my thing about keeoping numbers in my head if necessary, and also my ability to totally forget something that I do not hold as of interest.
Anyway, after the FIRST phone call, we got to talking, me and the guys, and it turned out that there were account details that had ben left out, and so, I decided to brave his possible wrath and call again, and as i fed him the info that i thought was missing, he asked if what I did not really want was just money.
I was adamant that i wanted to come home, but later that day, after everything, after realising a lot of things, I figured out that hell, no, all I REALLY wanted was to get gone from this place that has become a debilitating energy sap for me.
And anyway, it would make no REAL sense for me to think that I could come and stand up to my mom NOW when I could not do so before, and before, I WAS trying to be civilised, I had NOT trie4d to plumb the depths of God to see what He really wanted from me, and now that I have figured out that He has always expected me to end up seeing that I have no option but to go totally cerebral and instead of being confrontational, just think things and have them happen, I am left with no option but to wait on my father sending the money, and I depart from kalk bay, and those In have ... THOUGHT... to death will die, while I have to accept that He had it to rights all along when He offered me an alternative place long, long ago, "I have prepared a place for you, says the president of turkey" , and that place IS the US of A, and I do not think that I am going to see my home country again, not if I really want to keep myself from killing people.With my bare hands.
He has not yet sent money, which is a bit of a relief;- I think he is expecting me to do what i usually did when I found myself depending on him, which is, to explode and... all that, but all I want is to get gone, and I would be glad to leave thse suckers who are ready to swoop like vultures anytime they see me seeming to struggle, because they think they can come in with their blueprint and let me know what i SHOULD be doing.
hell, I have said it plainly, many times, and the consistency of my speech should have struck a nerve, but it has not, and so, I will not waste my time trying to convince fools that I do not even like anyway just what is going to happen.
Carry on, fools, and die.
You are way past that time, anyway!
YEAHSSS!
A two star general, no less! How did he wing that one? I left him with about as much ambition in the army as I had interest in life. All I heard was that he had been recalled to the army, and maybe this time he made the right friends, and used his brains. Does not hurt when you are related by marriage to the president, doesn't it.
makes me wonder just how... conspicuous I am on my posts.
Nuh, if they were monitoring me, they would have shown their hands long ago, so I suppose he is NOT trying to run my life from a distance. Fact that he sent my cousin to look for me does not suggest the same string arm tactics that he tried on me years ago whan he tried to force me to join the military cadets, and i endured 2 painful weeks of being beaten for stubbornness, till they washed their hands of me.
No, I think he really was trying to reconcile with me when he sent that short asshole, whom he was laughing and saying came to him so scared that he had been told that it he ever showed up near me again i would break every bone in his body and mail the pieces to zimbabwe.
No, I think, on the whole, there is a growing respect for our differences, and he is not interested in forcing himself on me.
I am cool with that.
I just wish he would act soon because every day spent in kalk bay is a nightmare.
I am a killer, who is being told he can not kill.
caught between a rock and a hard place.
And killing seems so, so inviting.
She pulled through, and the day before I got sent an email response, forwarded straight from him, which stated that I was supposed to buzz him yesterday on a certain number, at approximately 11am, and then he would call straight back. The "prince mutasa" pseudonym is not something new to him, he has been aware of it for quite a while... but, anyway, because I had to take a train to avoid the ... attentions... of the woman and end up walking from sunny cove to the library, I got there too late to do anything, and all I contented myself with doing while I posted my stuff was respond to the email from him, and ask for... funds... to come home.
The reply was immediate, and crisp, and terse;- would a thousand dollars american be enough? Send account details.
After making my way back to kalk bay, though, and being severely pissed off by the way I was having to rein in my temper, I knew I wouold explode if i did nothing, so i decided to call the number, around 2pm, from vinnie's phone, and I was surprised when a throaty, sexy female voice called back asking politely who it was that had tried to get in touch with GENERAL A.T.M. Mutasa's office, and I floundered through my response, that I was his son , prince, and wanted to talk to him if it was possible, and she told me to hold, and so, I waited and heard , for the first time in a long, long, time, my ... father's Voice.
And in his slow way he asked me if I was really serious about xcoming home, like we botyh know that THAT is a bad idea, because some thing have been said and done that can not be unsaid or undone, and I am NOT penitent, never have been, but I told him how thinghs were with me, how I had been locked up for 3 months at POLLSMOOR, and he cut in, "let me guess, woman trouble?" and i said, yep, story of my life, and so he hummed and hawed, and I hummed and hawed, and then I gave him vinnie's account details, and he later told me to delete the number from the phone- trust is NOT endemic, either in the family or in the country- and use it only when necessary;- he knows my thing about keeoping numbers in my head if necessary, and also my ability to totally forget something that I do not hold as of interest.
Anyway, after the FIRST phone call, we got to talking, me and the guys, and it turned out that there were account details that had ben left out, and so, I decided to brave his possible wrath and call again, and as i fed him the info that i thought was missing, he asked if what I did not really want was just money.
I was adamant that i wanted to come home, but later that day, after everything, after realising a lot of things, I figured out that hell, no, all I REALLY wanted was to get gone from this place that has become a debilitating energy sap for me.
He has not yet sent money, which is a bit of a relief;- I think he is expecting me to do what i usually did when I found myself depending on him, which is, to explode and... all that, but all I want is to get gone, and I would be glad to leave thse suckers who are ready to swoop like vultures anytime they see me seeming to struggle, because they think they can come in with their blueprint and let me know what i SHOULD be doing.
hell, I have said it plainly, many times, and the consistency of my speech should have struck a nerve, but it has not, and so, I will not waste my time trying to convince fools that I do not even like anyway just what is going to happen.
Carry on, fools, and die.
You are way past that time, anyway!
YEAHSSS!
A two star general, no less! How did he wing that one? I left him with about as much ambition in the army as I had interest in life. All I heard was that he had been recalled to the army, and maybe this time he made the right friends, and used his brains. Does not hurt when you are related by marriage to the president, doesn't it.
makes me wonder just how... conspicuous I am on my posts.
Nuh, if they were monitoring me, they would have shown their hands long ago, so I suppose he is NOT trying to run my life from a distance. Fact that he sent my cousin to look for me does not suggest the same string arm tactics that he tried on me years ago whan he tried to force me to join the military cadets, and i endured 2 painful weeks of being beaten for stubbornness, till they washed their hands of me.
No, I think he really was trying to reconcile with me when he sent that short asshole, whom he was laughing and saying came to him so scared that he had been told that it he ever showed up near me again i would break every bone in his body and mail the pieces to zimbabwe.
No, I think, on the whole, there is a growing respect for our differences, and he is not interested in forcing himself on me.
I am cool with that.
I just wish he would act soon because every day spent in kalk bay is a nightmare.
I am a killer, who is being told he can not kill.
caught between a rock and a hard place.
And killing seems so, so inviting.
