I am an inverterate gossip, and i just love showing off, see?
yeah, right. If I cared what anyone thought, I would not have exposed myself in public, but I was trying to do what comes naturally with me, and that is fob off God, but I guess, after digesting the last post I made, that is, which I read while listening to some "action pak" direct from Youtube while waiting for the song 'bravery' to load so I could listen to it;- well, I suppose one could say that I was wrong, again, but this time not about people, I am easy on that score, unless it is a nagging worry that having allison [unlikley as all of this bullshit is] near me with her ... attitude ... about domineering is likely to ... upset me, because, well, I do not want a person who has no sense of forbearance butting in anytime I am busy elsewhere. I am quite wary of the woman, and truth be told, I am secretly -OK, openly- hoping that, well, she decides to stay away.
Or, rather, all of the women that are currently in the know, because the OTHER women, by the time they do get to read all this, wouldhave proof of what I am on about, which, I guess is the reason I got out from under my blankets after, I think, less than four hours sleep [try walking from wynberg when arms and legs are tired, after ten p.m., and see what time it takes you to get to kalk bay, and THEN have to walk up a mountain when you can not even stay upright with yawning!]
that and the fact that I am increasingly suspicious that the prospect of throwing obert of the cliff-face is becoming too tempting to ignore. I looked at it the other day, and while I assesed that I can jump and land safely, I am not certain that, even if I throw him headlong, he will die, and if he does, where will I put the body? think flies and stuff, and the probable discovery of the corpse. Too much bother, so I choose to ignore him, and wait for future, leisurely action.thinking of flies, I guess one can not help but think of this
<= ,or is it just me?
And the statement that God made when I asked Him when I would be able to see properly;- "when the crocodile eats the sun", and well, as i said, I was thinking of my ... healing... when I started losing it concerning what I had posted last night, and all
along the way back I was fuming because
I could think of was that God would do a 'go-to-sleep' on me and put me in a coma, and then invade my body? Fuck THAT.
So, I went almost ballistic, see, and then ended up having to sort out the truth from the lies, and now, I guess you could say, despite my feeling emotionally NUMB at present, I have never been as pissed off as i currently am.
And i KNOW just waht to do about it.
And NOTHING can stand in my way, yesss!
Now, in 2000, after God had intoduced Himself and then gone on to be a closet general, speaking and causing me all manner of unease, I gave in to what I
perceived were His demands, and decided to join the christian fraternity,though even then christ pissed me off, since i could not see how he could call himself 'via, veritas, vita' when God had demonstrated that He needed no one to stand for Him. I even had that... morning-after-sabbath vision of me falling down and this golden light coming from my chest area and the words "Abba, Father" coming along with it. Bullshit! God is NOT my "Abba, Father" whatever! God did basically ONE thing TO me and from then one He sat back and has watched me go like gunpowder drying in the sun, and going beyond critical ignition temperature. God made it impossible for me to die, by giving me a ... helper... from birth. Everything else is pure ME.
So, I can not say that such cynical manipulation is 'love" or call God "loving father" for in effect aiming me like a missile straight at everyone and everything.
hence my ... anger... at HIM.
Anyway, the christian bit, where He later told me, after I had tried to fit in and was 'in church' one Sunday, "I have claimed you for Myself" came to an end, but the prime mover was a being that you all ... love... the one God called 'but dust';- His spirit, the one you all call 'holy' because he can not stand water [which would mean the opposite, in my view] and he presumably saw that I could not connect the dots on my own, and so decided to show me how to have 'faith' by drawing it out for me. And then trying to rum my life.
I want him, in my hands, so i can crush him to bits and pieces, yessss!
But, God, see, had already made me unique, by giving me the said companion, and THAT is what He meant by all that talk of 'claiming' me for Himself.
Now, I am forced, because the asshole of a spirit decided to kick me between the legs, to take him on, and, in so doing, seize total control [did I not say this already, before?] and make whatever it is that makes people sick lose its hold, because, see, the ONE thing that motivates me is an insatiable need for REVENGE.
My POINT, people, is that when it was written about ME -fuck, you have to live with that, or die with that, as the case may be- that I would be called Almighty God, He, God, did not mean that He would be acting through me. I HAVE everything it takes to make it, to do as I please, to make everything come to a halt if need be, because I have this... mind... see, that is not only different from all yours, but also, frankly, somehow completely linked , to nature, and everything in it, so I can dominate it.
guess that is why, when I was not watching it, i found i could well, call people, and have them come, i could pisk and choose, and things would go MY way, regardless.
technically, therefore, unlike what your christ said about himbeing the way, the truth, the life, I, like julius ceaser, have my own three v's, Veni, vidi, vici
I came, I saw, I conquered.
deal with it, yessss!
yeah, right. If I cared what anyone thought, I would not have exposed myself in public, but I was trying to do what comes naturally with me, and that is fob off God, but I guess, after digesting the last post I made, that is, which I read while listening to some "action pak" direct from Youtube while waiting for the song 'bravery' to load so I could listen to it;- well, I suppose one could say that I was wrong, again, but this time not about people, I am easy on that score, unless it is a nagging worry that having allison [unlikley as all of this bullshit is] near me with her ... attitude ... about domineering is likely to ... upset me, because, well, I do not want a person who has no sense of forbearance butting in anytime I am busy elsewhere. I am quite wary of the woman, and truth be told, I am secretly -OK, openly- hoping that, well, she decides to stay away.
Or, rather, all of the women that are currently in the know, because the OTHER women, by the time they do get to read all this, wouldhave proof of what I am on about, which, I guess is the reason I got out from under my blankets after, I think, less than four hours sleep [try walking from wynberg when arms and legs are tired, after ten p.m., and see what time it takes you to get to kalk bay, and THEN have to walk up a mountain when you can not even stay upright with yawning!]
that and the fact that I am increasingly suspicious that the prospect of throwing obert of the cliff-face is becoming too tempting to ignore. I looked at it the other day, and while I assesed that I can jump and land safely, I am not certain that, even if I throw him headlong, he will die, and if he does, where will I put the body? think flies and stuff, and the probable discovery of the corpse. Too much bother, so I choose to ignore him, and wait for future, leisurely action.thinking of flies, I guess one can not help but think of this
And the statement that God made when I asked Him when I would be able to see properly;- "when the crocodile eats the sun", and well, as i said, I was thinking of my ... healing... when I started losing it concerning what I had posted last night, and all
I could think of was that God would do a 'go-to-sleep' on me and put me in a coma, and then invade my body? Fuck THAT.
So, I went almost ballistic, see, and then ended up having to sort out the truth from the lies, and now, I guess you could say, despite my feeling emotionally NUMB at present, I have never been as pissed off as i currently am.
And i KNOW just waht to do about it.
And NOTHING can stand in my way, yesss!
So, I can not say that such cynical manipulation is 'love" or call God "loving father" for in effect aiming me like a missile straight at everyone and everything.
hence my ... anger... at HIM.
Anyway, the christian bit, where He later told me, after I had tried to fit in and was 'in church' one Sunday, "I have claimed you for Myself" came to an end, but the prime mover was a being that you all ... love... the one God called 'but dust';- His spirit, the one you all call 'holy' because he can not stand water [which would mean the opposite, in my view] and he presumably saw that I could not connect the dots on my own, and so decided to show me how to have 'faith' by drawing it out for me. And then trying to rum my life.
I want him, in my hands, so i can crush him to bits and pieces, yessss!
But, God, see, had already made me unique, by giving me the said companion, and THAT is what He meant by all that talk of 'claiming' me for Himself.
Now, I am forced, because the asshole of a spirit decided to kick me between the legs, to take him on, and, in so doing, seize total control [did I not say this already, before?] and make whatever it is that makes people sick lose its hold, because, see, the ONE thing that motivates me is an insatiable need for REVENGE.
My POINT, people, is that when it was written about ME -fuck, you have to live with that, or die with that, as the case may be- that I would be called Almighty God, He, God, did not mean that He would be acting through me. I HAVE everything it takes to make it, to do as I please, to make everything come to a halt if need be, because I have this... mind... see, that is not only different from all yours, but also, frankly, somehow completely linked , to nature, and everything in it, so I can dominate it.
guess that is why, when I was not watching it, i found i could well, call people, and have them come, i could pisk and choose, and things would go MY way, regardless.
technically, therefore, unlike what your christ said about himbeing the way, the truth, the life, I, like julius ceaser, have my own three v's, Veni, vidi, vici
I came, I saw, I conquered.
deal with it, yessss!
