fucked up...!

 It is, to me, simple math, never agree to any demands by any person, especially someone crazy enough to claim to have

caused El Nino, and also to claim to be unable to die, and so, of course, i am reeling here with shock, especially concerning what i saw. I... think... I am losing my mind here. Which is why, despite the delayed trains, and the very likely possibility that I will be walking back to kalk bay after two hours, I need to have my ears blown apart by some serious upbeat music, because this is all truly fucked up!
So, I come to kalk bay, right, and i am helping vinnie to pack his stuff, display it, I mean, and then, to my surprise, here comes the brainy chick, and i almost did not see her, but i happened to turn, and she is bending over, just past the corner from blue bottle beer store, as if tying her shoe, and then she walks into the bakery, right, and i think she has finally come to her senses, because she is dressed, no, trousered, ins something that looks like one will sleep in it, and a top that shows her breasts, a bit, and i am like, OK, she is making a statement that she will not be giving me free-views, so, hey, sayonara, ok, enjoy your life, one less burden to worry about, right, and then she walks past very quickly, and i am like, good on you, now, leave me alone.
that was till I realised what she had NOT done, and that was to have any companion with her, and I still thought, ah, well, crazy, I am clutching at straws, right, so, forget it, but, you know how it is, I end up NOT walking away from that little tidbit of info, and I am busy analysing it all.
it does not help when her friend also shows up later dressed in a skirt, or is it skirted? I mean, am I a robber because i have a robe?
I, of course, think the brainy chick is up to her tricks again, but then, I decide to dismiss all that. I am not likely to judge one person for another's behaviour.
But then, that is nothing to what happened before the red head, and that was me seeing the contemporary art chick walk past , presumably on her way to the harbour, and she was dressed entirely in black, with, you should bear this in mid for what happened later, high heel shoes, and her hair was hanging down, and i thought, ok, here comes the woman with her 'you are a child, bit' right, and i was watching for her to see her come back, and she did, a while later,  and she saw me look at her across the road, over the 

bowl I was making for someone, and she then stood a bit, crossed the road, and then walks

to the bombi-stombi [bottle store] and she walks out again.
She was... alone... all this time, see?
then, later, I have to go to get some... food at the restaurant, the usual cheap chips and bread, and I was NOT looking for her car; it would not have mattered if i saw it, I guess, but I did NOT see it, and then, a few moments after I am back, she is down the road again, only on MY side of it, with a bag, this time, and I think  maybe she was afraid of the rabid dog I am, and has parked at the harbour, and she comes back down, again, only this time with her phone in her ear, and even slow me get the... point... she is making.
That for some reason she is emphasising her... solitude?
now, as I was coming to the station; I think she sees me from her shop/office when i am at vinnie's, I am walking past the street entrance and she is locking up, there is a mountain bike near her, by a pillar, and we are not even 30cm apart as I walk by her, and, for the weirdest moment I felt like being obert and there and then putting all this sign language to the test and just grabbing her svelte body and bringing her into my arms and kissing her or something.
But I did not, because, I mean, is she CRAZY?
Fuck... I have heard of weird, but WHO in their right mind would listen to all this bullshit that I am spewing
Before that, of course, the IQ babe had passed by as well, with the same pyschedelic flowery pants  and she was also on the phone, and she was lightning in her motion, blink and you miss her.And I am left ... wondering... about all this.I mean, let me think about this? I mean, does any of this actually translate to 'hi, prince or whatever-your-name-REALLY-is, I find you interesting enough to want to have sex with? Can we have sex? '
or is that too ... civilised... for these people. Because i am at sea here. I do not have the innate ability that everyone else seems to have in abundance, right, of connecting the dots

 like, I mean, just because someone puts 

1+ 1

I do not have to put the equals sign and then two after that. I mean, this is not real, right? I mean, its like crazy. I KNOW what I am about, but who would believe that when I am upset I cause some great change in the world around me, like some mental version of Magneto's magnetic ability, in X-Men, to manipulate nature?
I did not believe it till I did it, and, well, when I do NOT want things to happen, they seem to have a way of NOT happening, like crazy shit?

I think some dope at this moment would be nice, but let me have the auditory version, like Woa!

Now, which song will I plonk there? Like, maybe, this is crazy, so i need a crazy song. Is capleton available?hmmm, let me see, buzz riddim, yes? NO, how about this one?

in her heart
in her heart
in her heart
in her heart!
real rasta man she want in her heart
she no want a man fir play with her parts

she no want a man fir break up her heart
real fireman she want in her heart....

rub up her...
(fuck, listen to the crazy son of a gun!)

 I mean, I was looking for a song called hitmaker, where the guy goes, "I'm a hitmaker,/ king shanko making hits all over the world them say that I'm greater/.../ hit pon top of hit, hit pon top of hit, so me stay top of things hit", but the song just eluded me for a while, and I ended up with this, because of the catchy tune... ha ha!.wonder if them girls want a  rogue like me 'in her heart'.like ... "want the fireman anytime she feel chilly/..."dont know, because i think I am the unlikeliest prospect around, really, and, anyway, there is the small matter that  wE, or is it We, have not decided whether He and I are ever going to agree to having Him banish the illness from me, because i am NOT going to ask for Him to heal me, but maybe, by being myself,  and thus, by ... default obeying the ONE condition that He said He expected from me, then He will be ... forsooth, forced... to heal me, or something  like that. Because i will not ask Him, and anyway, I will NEVER look to my life to improve it. Fuck bend over and have people see me expose the top of my head as i try to tie my shoes and make my steps orderly? fuck, I do not think you are getting me here. I mean, i forget that, sometime, jokes aside, my mental... whatever... is light years ahead of others, so I will say this slowly, or better yet, make, or search for a picture, see? A moment while we load the shit!

Now, the REASON why the 'crown' thing is not something I have with me, but something that will have to COME to me is simply that, as God told me in a vision "In Him we live and move and have our being, and existence exists in Him, and to him who sees will go the crown" I was, well, born as I am now, only unaware of it, because of circumstances, and also, because I definitely CAN NOT ever bother to live my life in a careful manner, i have a helper who described himself as the 'essence of survive", who takes care of business, and keeps me alive no matter what hare-brained scheme i embark on. I can not bend or break, because i know of nothing that can MAKE me bend or break, and so, i will never, if my shoes were... untied, be able to bend down and tie them. Since bending over will make anyone watching see the top of my head, and thus expose my thoughts, and any secret anxieties i have, well, I have a... permanent fixture NOW attached to me, because I have realised, over the days, weeks, months, that I can pretty much do as I please, and do not need to be bound to anything, or by anyone. So, I think the thorny thing that means no one can say to me they can force me to do A, B, or C because i need a favour in return is NOW here, see?

Unlike the boy in the picture, NO ONE crowns me, because i have had  to, unlike everyone else, who hides their weaknesses, expose everything -being the irrepresible, irresponsible, irreverent, or irate person i am- and then work  through my perceived fears to get to where I am. SO, I guess, as soon as I can probably get laid, or some such thing;-hey, anyone can walk about, but will anyone actually really go ALL the way, or is this some kind of smoke-screen shit I am feeling here with them ladies- then i will have NO fears, at all, because the OTHER way is for me to go THAT way
and just, you know, get puffed up, from something like
THAT, and while I am NOT saying

that these women have been or not been celibate from the moment they laid eyes on me -an impossibilty in my view, because when I get bothered, and the object of my botheration is NOT there, i seek alternatives- which means I will end up killing whoever it is, which is something I consider highly likely anyway, seeing as how I frankly do not believe this bullshit, nothing personal, i just do not think anyone would be stupid enough to stick her neck out so that I can chop it off, so, I suppose that somewhere down the line i am going to say the impossible [theoretically] that God, You are full of crap in this case, so, stand aside and let the real man take over, or something like that.
as I said, nothing personal.
its just business.
with some nastiness.
I mean, I salivate when I think of strangling some people, and revealing what I have personally put to the test and found to be so, my indestructibility.
yesss!
ok, I have 20minutes left, so i will enjoy some serious, enjoy-as-i-walk-music, like the one from Tommy Lee, that starts
"yo, grimlin, them boy dont know mad people!"

It actually is "shoot only son/ open the gown make the demons come out", not gun, so I ... ah well, nuff talk, right?