If this had all depended on... women, that is, my future, I would be seriously pissed off, but then, I am happy, or happyish, because my fate depends on me, myself and I, and this is how I found out, and this is how I can afford to be as magnanimous as I am being today. Maybe the ones that saw me saw just how laid back I was all day, except for a few minor glitches, but then, these assholes that do not get the point are dead anyway, so they can not disturb my peace... NO...!
yesss!
Now, I was busy regurgitating stuff yesterday, and the thing that was uppermost on my mind was the fact that I was... weak... and now, if some other person or factor had intruded in that case, it would have been summarily rejected, because I hate being under anything.
So, I climbed the mountain, feeling like an ancient, and then decided to test my weakness, and while I could not move the boulder that could have weighed ten tons -I will get there- I did flex my muscles by rearranging some smaller rocks and then throwing off the cliff edge a rather large rock.
This morning I was further heartened by discovering the meaning of the prophecy, in my life;- "For unto us a son is given... and the government will be UP on his shoulder, and of the INCREASE of HIS government there will be NO end"
guess the thing is, I get more and more ... powerful as I get more and more unrealistic, and refuse to give in to , well, the laws of nature.
Because NOTHING must hold me down, ever.
So, my anger of all this time has been primarily against being ruled by ANYTHING, in ANYTHING.
Now that I KNOW that the more I grapple with this weakness, using MY power and MY might, and thus denying the stupid spirit his interference, then i am more and more free, till one day I kill the asshole, because THAT is on the cards.
So, I can be magnanimous, and unreasonable.
Ok, so I am supposed to have women , here, and now, that are five in number to get me to leave this place, and well, they would have to be lookers, see, and not the type of people that I would, after a little while, get fed up with, and so, well, I suppose, this is where God's prophecy comes into play, because I am still an... ass... person, I guess, and so, these are the ones, but there will have to be four HERE, since there is the '24 August' thing and the fifth is well, a no brainer, since I suppose she IS in canada.
Now, I TOLD you I do not think like you;- I AM after all, by any standards, crazy, but that is not a problem, the problem, as far as YOU are concerned, is that I am crazy and UNSTOPPABLE, and so, this is what I discovered today, when this woman who I had sidelined primarily because, aside from being the mother of the canada chick, she has a raspy voice and, of course, being a ... rich ... person, I have always supposed that she would have no time for any of this tomfoolery and therefore would laugh it all off, see?
then she showed up, presumable looking for vinnie this afternoon, and had her dog, and was quiet, and she just walked into view stood for but a moment, and walked away, and the thing that made me go, "fuck the 'rules'!" was the fact that as she turned I got a glimpse of her ass, even hidden as it was by her coat, and I decided that -uh, I suppose you KNOW by now that that which is not so obvious is exposed by God through visions, and sooo ... - since NO ONE else could fit the mother and first [and ONLY?] daughter but HER, then she must be the one, and so, hell, SHE must be going crazy about the mav. yessss?
mmmmh, we will see.
then of course, although she does NOT have
an ass like .... wow.. yet still the girl with the cleft chin, so, obvious, has left her mark on me, and well, I will honestly say I like what I saw in her, and hey, its MY life, so, hell, I suppose it has to be MY way, and she is one that sets me at ease, really. I like the girl. Hell, I am easy, I love the girl, OK? So long as I do NOT have to drag her into my life, that is. Because I will NOT do anything that puts me under anyone.
Speaking of love, I was... happy... to find out that the same scripture that goes "today, ... do not harden your heart", when speaking of the Israelites was in fact based on the refusal of the same israelites to believe that God could do certain things when He had already proved Himself, and so, I was wondering whether I could have arguably the ONE person who has made the deepest impression on me; the contemporary art chick, because of her wedding ring, although I never caught her with anyone, and she even went out of her way to make sure I saw that she was uninvloved with anyone.
Hell, I was sleepless since I wrote the post that ditched her- again- because I knew my life would have no colour to it if she was NOT there.
i suppose that I would really be shooting myself in the heart if she was not there, so, now, will YOU please set my heart at ease, and please, just SAY something to me. I suppose I am willing to listen. For once.
the fourth would have to be...
hell, I will tell you who it is NOT, and why.
Not the 'smart chick', primarily because if God shows me someone's face in clear, then it means there is nothing ... more... to the person, my own conclusions are 100% accurate, and so, since I really do NOT like the presumptuos hussy, then, fuck, I am glad to be rid of her.
And her friend as well.
As for the mother, since she has done a disappearing act since i gave her a ... choice... then it means she HAS made a choice, OR she WAS involved in my humiliation, and thus, well she gets to die like her sprogs, yesssss!
And, as I SAID, I am getting madder with each moment.
I mean, I was supposed to move to S/Town tomorrow, but vinnie, who wanted to go with me, put it off till sunday, after church [him, not me], so, if you assholes thought I was supposed to wait for some business deal, hell, you got another think coming.
And anyway, I hate arguing with people, and having fools who think they can do the God-and-me bit better than me. I am unique, and well, these things that happen to me are 100% real, and whether anyone likes to accept it or not -like the sullen blond guy with his sorry looking dog and blonde chick [guy used to try to find out where I stay and yesterday, as we stood outside outspaan, me and abisha, he and his grilfriend passed by, and they looked like they would like to murder me, well, 'me are live my life, fuck them', or not- this WILL happen and soon.
Anyway, the only other obvious person, even if I am not so easy about her seeming to use one shoulder to carry her bag or something since her one shoulder is higher than the other, and she IS slim, but I like, curiously, her nose, and the fact that she was rather obvious, is the olympia cafe chick, and so, hell, I suppose I am good in that department, yesssssssss!
yesss!
Now, I was busy regurgitating stuff yesterday, and the thing that was uppermost on my mind was the fact that I was... weak... and now, if some other person or factor had intruded in that case, it would have been summarily rejected, because I hate being under anything.
So, I climbed the mountain, feeling like an ancient, and then decided to test my weakness, and while I could not move the boulder that could have weighed ten tons -I will get there- I did flex my muscles by rearranging some smaller rocks and then throwing off the cliff edge a rather large rock.
This morning I was further heartened by discovering the meaning of the prophecy, in my life;- "For unto us a son is given... and the government will be UP on his shoulder, and of the INCREASE of HIS government there will be NO end"
guess the thing is, I get more and more ... powerful as I get more and more unrealistic, and refuse to give in to , well, the laws of nature.
Because NOTHING must hold me down, ever.
So, my anger of all this time has been primarily against being ruled by ANYTHING, in ANYTHING.
Now that I KNOW that the more I grapple with this weakness, using MY power and MY might, and thus denying the stupid spirit his interference, then i am more and more free, till one day I kill the asshole, because THAT is on the cards.
So, I can be magnanimous, and unreasonable.
Ok, so I am supposed to have women , here, and now, that are five in number to get me to leave this place, and well, they would have to be lookers, see, and not the type of people that I would, after a little while, get fed up with, and so, well, I suppose, this is where God's prophecy comes into play, because I am still an... ass... person, I guess, and so, these are the ones, but there will have to be four HERE, since there is the '24 August' thing and the fifth is well, a no brainer, since I suppose she IS in canada.
Now, I TOLD you I do not think like you;- I AM after all, by any standards, crazy, but that is not a problem, the problem, as far as YOU are concerned, is that I am crazy and UNSTOPPABLE, and so, this is what I discovered today, when this woman who I had sidelined primarily because, aside from being the mother of the canada chick, she has a raspy voice and, of course, being a ... rich ... person, I have always supposed that she would have no time for any of this tomfoolery and therefore would laugh it all off, see?
then she showed up, presumable looking for vinnie this afternoon, and had her dog, and was quiet, and she just walked into view stood for but a moment, and walked away, and the thing that made me go, "fuck the 'rules'!" was the fact that as she turned I got a glimpse of her ass, even hidden as it was by her coat, and I decided that -uh, I suppose you KNOW by now that that which is not so obvious is exposed by God through visions, and sooo ... - since NO ONE else could fit the mother and first [and ONLY?] daughter but HER, then she must be the one, and so, hell, SHE must be going crazy about the mav. yessss?
mmmmh, we will see.
then of course, although she does NOT have
an ass like .... wow.. yet still the girl with the cleft chin, so, obvious, has left her mark on me, and well, I will honestly say I like what I saw in her, and hey, its MY life, so, hell, I suppose it has to be MY way, and she is one that sets me at ease, really. I like the girl. Hell, I am easy, I love the girl, OK? So long as I do NOT have to drag her into my life, that is. Because I will NOT do anything that puts me under anyone.
Hell, I was sleepless since I wrote the post that ditched her- again- because I knew my life would have no colour to it if she was NOT there.
i suppose that I would really be shooting myself in the heart if she was not there, so, now, will YOU please set my heart at ease, and please, just SAY something to me. I suppose I am willing to listen. For once.
the fourth would have to be...
Not the 'smart chick', primarily because if God shows me someone's face in clear, then it means there is nothing ... more... to the person, my own conclusions are 100% accurate, and so, since I really do NOT like the presumptuos hussy, then, fuck, I am glad to be rid of her.
And her friend as well.
As for the mother, since she has done a disappearing act since i gave her a ... choice... then it means she HAS made a choice, OR she WAS involved in my humiliation, and thus, well she gets to die like her sprogs, yesssss!
And, as I SAID, I am getting madder with each moment.
I mean, I was supposed to move to S/Town tomorrow, but vinnie, who wanted to go with me, put it off till sunday, after church [him, not me], so, if you assholes thought I was supposed to wait for some business deal, hell, you got another think coming.
And anyway, I hate arguing with people, and having fools who think they can do the God-and-me bit better than me. I am unique, and well, these things that happen to me are 100% real, and whether anyone likes to accept it or not -like the sullen blond guy with his sorry looking dog and blonde chick [guy used to try to find out where I stay and yesterday, as we stood outside outspaan, me and abisha, he and his grilfriend passed by, and they looked like they would like to murder me, well, 'me are live my life, fuck them', or not- this WILL happen and soon.
Anyway, the only other obvious person, even if I am not so easy about her seeming to use one shoulder to carry her bag or something since her one shoulder is higher than the other, and she IS slim, but I like, curiously, her nose, and the fact that she was rather obvious, is the olympia cafe chick, and so, hell, I suppose I am good in that department, yesssssssss!
**********
Now that THAT is out of the way, I am left with just a few minor problems, here.
I really want to kill people, really, and just get all this my-dick-is-bigger-than-yours business out of the way.
Besides, i am rather in a desperate state here.
First, the other day, I got accosted by a guy called dillon and a chick called andrea, and they argued with me about christ, see, and we ended up in a stalemate, and vinnie put his two cents in and we ended up, at the stall praying -they prayed, ok?- so that God would act and stop me from using my head and start using my heart [guess that part was answered] but today it was worse. I got grilled by vinnie's friend, and he pointed out to me that I had run away all my life from situations, and was in the end back where i had started, and it would be best for me to go back to school and please NOT argue but accept all that they told me and THEN from within the system try to make changes.
he has volunteered to pay for a room for me, and that I should just go to church, and forget about the fraudulent part of christ, and just accept the 'good' things, like... [cant think of a single one actually, because i hate socialising, can not compromise, and want to HELP no one, or speak with people of my own mental calibre;- I mean, just WHO can think like me?]...; anyway, I am here, and at present, I am rather uneasy because people who get to see the 'heart' side of me tend to abuse it, and I would have liked to just rip into people, and start my own revolution, but I am now, a bit uneasy about THESE women. Since,. as I have said, God speaks about 24 women and 4 of these are ... here... and I am certain about three of them but have to rely on God for the fourth, which amounts to the same thing, 'which reminds me, two days ago i had this on my mind as i slept:-
I really want to kill people, really, and just get all this my-dick-is-bigger-than-yours business out of the way.
Besides, i am rather in a desperate state here.
First, the other day, I got accosted by a guy called dillon and a chick called andrea, and they argued with me about christ, see, and we ended up in a stalemate, and vinnie put his two cents in and we ended up, at the stall praying -they prayed, ok?- so that God would act and stop me from using my head and start using my heart [guess that part was answered] but today it was worse. I got grilled by vinnie's friend, and he pointed out to me that I had run away all my life from situations, and was in the end back where i had started, and it would be best for me to go back to school and please NOT argue but accept all that they told me and THEN from within the system try to make changes.
he has volunteered to pay for a room for me, and that I should just go to church, and forget about the fraudulent part of christ, and just accept the 'good' things, like... [cant think of a single one actually, because i hate socialising, can not compromise, and want to HELP no one, or speak with people of my own mental calibre;- I mean, just WHO can think like me?]...; anyway, I am here, and at present, I am rather uneasy because people who get to see the 'heart' side of me tend to abuse it, and I would have liked to just rip into people, and start my own revolution, but I am now, a bit uneasy about THESE women. Since,. as I have said, God speaks about 24 women and 4 of these are ... here... and I am certain about three of them but have to rely on God for the fourth, which amounts to the same thing, 'which reminds me, two days ago i had this on my mind as i slept:-
_____
x= 2x - 3
x= 2x - 3
And, in the dream I tried a very complicated way of solving this simple equation, and ended up trying to square things and all that, till, when i remembered that simple mathg in my waking moments,and reflected that x=3, and that the double line meant something like 'rule twice' or confirmed rule over, and that out of six women I would have three that I would confirm as being indeed under me, from that list; ah, lets see if that is true, before I get to my point;-
there are the four, yes, but I removed the small mother, rebecca, and was left with, of the four from the last post, the girl with the cleft chin, and the one I had said I was certain of, who was not, therefore among the three that I was speculating over, so that means who else, fuck i will have to re-read the fucker, and post this while i do so.
TO HELL WITH that, maybe I am being too lever again, which is probably the point. I am certain about only three women, OK, as far as everything is concerned. I am not so sure about the mother-woman, because even irreligious me IS rather unsure as to how to proceed with her. So....?
Anyway, what was my point? Oh, yes i want to kill people,m and I need to be free of the family thing, and I am getting deeper and deeper into it, every time, and now, i am getting seriously rattled, and i can not act as myself.
i mean, the only thing that is stopping vinnie from getting in touch with my family is that he is concerned about my feelings as far as being on the streets is concerned, but once i am safely ... housed, than he will be relentless,and, well, i want to KILL my family, not be in good books with them, and this is where I am so torn.
I suppose i have two days to live, and I am thinking of king julian in madagacsar, who said,'if I had only two days to live, i would invade a neighbouring country, and impose my own ideology on it, even if they did not want it... I would become a professional whistler. i am pretty amazing at it now, but i want to get like, even better, and make my living out of it..."
I think the clip is there on YouTube
I need a laugh, before i explode, because THIS is beyond impossible.. OK!
"What is it, tell me?"
..."ok then, don't tell me"
"You gotta march right up to this vooman, right, look her right in the eye, lean forward, ok, just a little, almost all the way, and let her lean just a little vay until you are just a lip's distance away from her, and then tell her just how much you hate her?"
Oh jees, i cant keep still here!
Fuck, I love this film, or rather, feeleem!
Ok, GOD is crazy. He has said all these things, most of them, in advance, and well, in mere words and thought-experiments transformed me, a piddling iconoclastic dilletante, into a machine of fury, because He promised that i could have a world such as I chose, and women such as I chose, and well, I would like women that well, fulfill my longing, women that come out on their own, and show themselves and their feelings, because I am ready to love someone or many, at the drop of a hat.
I suppose I am hungry for love, but MY way., since
1) it is MY world, and I would hate to acquire and then kill women for being presumptuous.
2) women have a reputation of being 'fair' and so, if they are 'fair' in skin only but completely biased and locked tight for my key's use only, then I am happy, yes? This is NOT something women are renowned for. the girl that got God to tell me "what tangled webs we weave/ when first we learn to deceive" because I was about to do what she expected since it was almost impossible to have her any other way, well, I met her four years later, tracked her down because some other girl had read in-between the lines and told me she would not be a substitute for this one, and so, i decided to find out what had happened to this girl, and I saw her in 2003 in the capital, and she told me how she had gotten married, and she was like, 'ah, well, so I came here from Gweru, my father passed away, and well, IT JUST SO happened that i met this guy and we got married' , like it was an accident that she was pressured into.
i suppose my disenchantment with women became an open wound then.
so, well, since it is MY life, i get to live it MY way, and to fill in the holes and relocate the riff-raff and make my summer palace ha ha!
Ok, then, what music does this justice? hmmmm! Taking a coffee break.
I wanna rule my destiny.
there are the four, yes, but I removed the small mother, rebecca, and was left with, of the four from the last post, the girl with the cleft chin, and the one I had said I was certain of, who was not, therefore among the three that I was speculating over, so that means who else, fuck i will have to re-read the fucker, and post this while i do so.
TO HELL WITH that, maybe I am being too lever again, which is probably the point. I am certain about only three women, OK, as far as everything is concerned. I am not so sure about the mother-woman, because even irreligious me IS rather unsure as to how to proceed with her. So....?
Anyway, what was my point? Oh, yes i want to kill people,m and I need to be free of the family thing, and I am getting deeper and deeper into it, every time, and now, i am getting seriously rattled, and i can not act as myself.
i mean, the only thing that is stopping vinnie from getting in touch with my family is that he is concerned about my feelings as far as being on the streets is concerned, but once i am safely ... housed, than he will be relentless,and, well, i want to KILL my family, not be in good books with them, and this is where I am so torn.
I suppose i have two days to live, and I am thinking of king julian in madagacsar, who said,'if I had only two days to live, i would invade a neighbouring country, and impose my own ideology on it, even if they did not want it... I would become a professional whistler. i am pretty amazing at it now, but i want to get like, even better, and make my living out of it..."
I think the clip is there on YouTube
I need a laugh, before i explode, because THIS is beyond impossible.. OK!
..."ok then, don't tell me"
"You gotta march right up to this vooman, right, look her right in the eye, lean forward, ok, just a little, almost all the way, and let her lean just a little vay until you are just a lip's distance away from her, and then tell her just how much you hate her?"
Oh jees, i cant keep still here!
Fuck, I love this film, or rather, feeleem!
Ok, GOD is crazy. He has said all these things, most of them, in advance, and well, in mere words and thought-experiments transformed me, a piddling iconoclastic dilletante, into a machine of fury, because He promised that i could have a world such as I chose, and women such as I chose, and well, I would like women that well, fulfill my longing, women that come out on their own, and show themselves and their feelings, because I am ready to love someone or many, at the drop of a hat.
I suppose I am hungry for love, but MY way., since
1) it is MY world, and I would hate to acquire and then kill women for being presumptuous.
2) women have a reputation of being 'fair' and so, if they are 'fair' in skin only but completely biased and locked tight for my key's use only, then I am happy, yes? This is NOT something women are renowned for. the girl that got God to tell me "what tangled webs we weave/ when first we learn to deceive" because I was about to do what she expected since it was almost impossible to have her any other way, well, I met her four years later, tracked her down because some other girl had read in-between the lines and told me she would not be a substitute for this one, and so, i decided to find out what had happened to this girl, and I saw her in 2003 in the capital, and she told me how she had gotten married, and she was like, 'ah, well, so I came here from Gweru, my father passed away, and well, IT JUST SO happened that i met this guy and we got married' , like it was an accident that she was pressured into.
i suppose my disenchantment with women became an open wound then.
so, well, since it is MY life, i get to live it MY way, and to fill in the holes and relocate the riff-raff and make my summer palace ha ha!
Ok, then, what music does this justice? hmmmm! Taking a coffee break.
I wanna rule my destiny.
