One thing I like about my... solitude ... is that it has kept me from goiung totally ballistic, because had I been staying with some other people, I would probably have killed someone by now.
Speaking of solitude, I suppose that I MUST mention this;- The Key to ... everything, and what is what God meant by:- Government Thor: Cape Flats because, finally, I have conclusively come to the real meaning, and THIS is what is going to make ... sense ... to the OSC, and also show them just... eh... WHY I am going to be going totally apeshit in a few days, and wreaking havoc wholesale among them... FIRST.
Yess!
This will lay you Flat on your asses, ass-holes!
Remember I said that God ... humiliated me... the day after i paid attention to this chick I was using to get my mother's goat, but did not come clean about things to?
yeah, He showed her, the night when she had become very concerned about my continued... estrangement... from my mother [she actually saw herself as a potential daughter-in-law, someone who would hold the reins on me] and urged me to be reconciled, but I would NOT have anything to do with my mom, and invited my sisters instead:- well He showed her what would happen the day after, me and my sisters, dressed exactly as we all were, and walking exactly as we did, and... THEN... He showed her this giant black bottle, and a... cross... very big as well, and the positioning of these things was what had me panicking for a while, because they were in the general direction of the house of the prostitutes i used to ... frequently visit, and have skin-on-skin sex with...;- yeah, radical, right?[ so never assume that I actually am not prepared to put my life on the line when it comes to things, ha ha!]...
BUT
it was also in the general direction of the... PRIMARY school I went to.
So, First things First.
Now, I am, as you may have noticed, NOT a fan of your christ, and as it turns out, he was NOT crucified on a cross as you all want to take ity. NO.
The bones in a human hand do not have the... resislience to be able to support even half the human weight of an adult male, be he as small as 1.6 m, when the arms are spreadeagled.
instead, what the romans used to do was erect a single upright pole, and at the or near the apex to be more accurate, they would bring the hands together, and nail a single spike through both wrists, and THEN do the same just at the ankles.
They actualkly did this with the pole and person supine, then they would lever the whole thing into a ready made hole.
the point to all this is one ... chokes/suffocates ... to death.
try breathing when for every breath you have to lever yourself upright, against the screaming pain in your hands, and then breathe out, and lower yourself, exhausted, onto the pain in your legs, and to do that FOR EVERY BREATH! Fuck, you would end up giving up, and just dying, because it is either pain or more pain, for a small breath.
Anyway, the 'cross' that this chick later saw glowing and becomeing a VERY big light so that she fell forward and thought christ was coming, was just God's way of telling HER that I am
Primarily very CROSS and BITTER with women
This being something I picked up from my mother, who I observed from a young age, and could not for the life of me figure out why she called herself Mrs Mashora when she would not let Mr Mashora touch her. They used to have wrestling matches just about every other night, and since my bedroom was closest to them, I heard everything, and hated the ... violence... in their tones to each other.
I mean, make no mistake about it, these two people, when no one else was around, HATED each other, and yet stayed together for appearances' sake.
I never could reconcile the daylight mother and father to the two animals I heard at night.
now, if there were TWO people, why then did I hate my mom and not my day? you may well ask:- and I will tell you:
Women do not recognise boundaries the way men do, because when they are, say, mothers, they assume they own everything, even your right to pee when you want to.
they have no respect for the dignity of a person, and they go about thinking that they have the God-given right to poke their noses everywhere and anywhere and say anything they think they should because they are women and one should take them as weaker/priviledged beings.
As far as I am concerned, anyone who takes that line with me... dies.
I have no respect for anyone who does NOT respect the boundaries I set, none at all.
Though, to be honest, I have no respect for anyone, period, because you all are really piss-ant fuck-ups, and I actually hate every single person I come acroiss, and frankly waqs waiting for the day whenh I get the umlimited and unqualified right to dispense with people's lives as I see fit.
I also hate people who think they can do things to impress me, or who think they can get me to... give way... to them.
like michelle coming along and trying her best to get me to be... interested ... in her, and inviting me to church like wqe ever discussed religion, punching me on the arm the day she interrupted my research to go to this pastor chris' yookos thing and saying "i will not marry you, ou are too clever for me" so that I would get the HINT that she was saying she was available... or her showing up, driving by as I walked along to F/H library and muttering to herself as ahe passed because I was being stubborn, or her driving past again when I was in S/Town and looking down on anything I did, like hug girls, simply because it did not fit the if-you-are-with-God-you-should-behave-yourself mentality that she thought she would instil in me; all this because she was busy looking for someone to take care of her child, and there I was, going to America, and she wanted to get me to be impressed with her pathetic carcass!
But she is not the only one:- The REAL reson that butt-head's mom pissed me a few days ago is that she OBVIOUSLY read my post and ceased on the thing I said, that allison knew how to dress, so she decided, well, me too, maybe you like dresses, and so she showed up as she did.
Allison has a ... SHAPE... and she does not.
She may have a beautiful face and all that, but there is NO comparison between the two.
While allison made no bones about her lack of... indifference... to me, she acted all... motherly. And I hate mothers. Period.
She shows up the first time because she thinks if I see her and her demeannour I would , for her sake, take the swinging damocles sword off from her son.
Well, I will kill him anyway.
She did exactly what michelle did:- trying to impress me and all that stuff, instead of being open and being herself, and leaving the I-am-a-mother stuff behind, because that, to me is an INSULT, and for that, fuck I will wring her scrawny neck and leave no trace that she ever existed, or even stayed anywhere. I will NOT be content with just demolishing her life, I will demolish those lofty posts from which sheand everyone of the bitches and their sycophant, lunatic sons and males used to spy on me, and there will remain nothing but scorched earth where their places used to be.
Fucking bitches!
