Yeah, well, fuck them, right?
because at this moment, my main concern is the other ... little... matter, such as the fact that, in a couple of days, people are going to be celebrating the... martyrdom... of christ, and thus, everyone's life will have to be put on hold for this 'joyous' event.
Fucking story of my life!
the last time I ended up in hospital, that is, way back when I drank rat poison...eh... that is a story in itself... I had done so under protest:-
God had the... gall... to add 15 years to my life, to endure being part of a system when i was trying strenuously to be anything but, and then, after I had sold everything I owned, drank the night away, and then woken up, basically homeless, and not caring, I had used the last of my money [the whole point of the exercise]and bought a large quantity of 'certifiably toxic' rat poison, and some orange juice to go down with it, or make it go down and make havoc in my intestines.
Then, inappropriately, as I took the train and ended up at False bay station, for the first time in my life, I realised that I needed someone to know that I was dead, someone removed from the whole scene, who would get around to informing my parents, but would not be likely to... find the body... just so that I could chuck myself in some hidden hole somewhere and end my life.
So, I called this guy, right, and funny thing was that, as I spoke on the phone, I started chocking, maybe because of the sourness of the whole thing, and the guy was able to find out where i was and send an ambulance, and so, I ended up at False Bay Hospital, and thus, ended up at happy Valley, after it transpired that the only thing 'fixed' about me was my death-wish... not an 'abode'.
Again, someone ended up... fixing... what I was trying to destroy.
I promptly moved out of happy valley home, and went to the back, where I lay and brooded, and worried that someone would come and take 'charge' of me... which is my greatest, and only, fear... and
well, God then showed up, and the funny thing was that, it was raining, and I lay in the open, fed up with someone having to always have some say over my life, and He showed me a vision of a leopard in a cave, and after He had repeatedly done so, I think many times, it struck me that He was saying I would not be... changed... if I was to take shelter... in a cave, since, as we all know, a 'leopard can not change its spots' as He Himself said.
So, I climbed up the mountain overlooking happy valley, found myself a cave, and brooded there.About revenge.
Because it WAS sinking in that I was NOT dying, and therefore, the period of self pity would pass away, and THEN, I would sink my teeth into the problem of people who had walked all over me, mainly, the women, and I would deal with THEM first, and then, with the rest of the 'system' later.
And God seemed to be pointing out to me at that time that, as it is roughly translated from Shona to English 'even a shilling is a big deal' when it comes to a grievance.
And I was thinking of my ex-girlfriend, and how I had ended up being humiliated [which would NOT have been the case had I died, since I had approached every aspect of my life with an aim to just ... die]because i had picked an 'easy' target, a woman with a child, since they are easy to get laid with, and also make you suffer because they treat you with contempt for even looking at them like they are human beings, and wonder at the same time if you are not ashamed to be seen with, as my mother put it, 'another man's piss'.
That suited me fine at the time, because I needed all the humiliation I could get to end up convinced I was dirt, but then, this 'dirt' did not go to ground.
So, when all was said and done, I got mad.
Till I got sidetracked because the fucking dirty spirit wanted me to be forgiving, and I ended up looking at the girl's friend, as a possible... 'replacement', and when I did so, I had this...thrill of joy.. in my heart [pure dramatics on the idiot's part, like "good little doggy, now you are learning"] and I found myself back at happy valley AGAIN, this time a bible totting... reformed... person.
Till I came to the part in the bible where god tells abraham to kill his son, and the guy ultimately did not and God did not speak, but an angel did, and i started seeing the difference. God KNEW abraham had learnt the important thing, that his son kept him from the son's mother [hence his over-bearing attitude to the boy] and He told him the obvious thing:- kill him and be free of him, and the woman is yours.
Technically, had abraham done so, he would have found out why God was mad at him for being IN the situation to begin with, and so the man was facing a lose-lose situation, because he would not be responsible, see? he wanted it to be God's fault that he had a son, God's fault that he dies, and you will find that all along the man avoided ultimate responsibility, and died... well, a fuck-up.
Anyway, my story goes this way:- BEFORE, i did not care who walked all over me because I wanted to be walked all over because i wanted this God thing removed from my psyche, but this "God -thing" is getting more than a little... BIGGER with each passing day.
And I have reached the point where I make my ultimate decision:- do I carry on having people have their way with their lives, or do I let it rip?
The answer is simple:- and I promise you one thing,
This Easter, which starts, when, in two days;-
If it goes like
ANY
other Easter, then I would be dead.
Because I am NOT, and I repeat, NOT
letting the things that put restraints in my path
CONTINUE
doing so.
I see the likes of the Gulf regions getting denuded by a torrent of sea-water,
I see the likes of the Vatican getting bombed by a human meteorite, and sinking,
I see the removal of presidents, and destruction of upheld beliefs,
And I see complete mayhem from one end of the world to another.
But first, I see it happening... in Simonstown
THIS EASTER
If it goes like
ANY
other Easter, then I would be dead.
Because I am NOT, and I repeat, NOT
letting the things that put restraints in my path
CONTINUE
doing so.
I see the likes of the Gulf regions getting denuded by a torrent of sea-water,
I see the likes of the Vatican getting bombed by a human meteorite, and sinking,
I see the removal of presidents, and destruction of upheld beliefs,
And I see complete mayhem from one end of the world to another.
But first, I see it happening... in Simonstown
THIS EASTER
