All that is gold does not glitter... TILL the time comes;- and NOW is the time for the crownless to be king again!

Hell, I had forgotten all about that day when I asked if God loved me, and then had to witness people who I did not care for pretend to be happy for me because I had excelled, unintentionally, and then realise that my cleverly constructed cover had been blown.

You see, I am not all you see, those of you who see me as you think I am.

I was just thinking, as the pieces fell together, that, for example, butt-head's mom has a view of me as some beast that has to be enticed away from prey by offering tidbits.

The controlling bitch probably saw me talking to the German chick, thought I was hitting on her... when it was actually the other way round... and so, decided, when she saw tinashe come to the art shop to relieve me, that she could offer her own little kids, thus appease my anger [since she herself had failed to get me to let go my rage -I had rejected her out of hand ] towards her son and daughter, and thus do the trade, and leave people alive.

I am actually certain that this woman has become to me worse of an enemy than even michelle was, because she has REPEATEDLY stuck her ass up my nose and farted, but now, I am ready to break her and all the fools.

Anyway, THIS is about me, and FINALLY, I can admit that my secret yearning has been achieved... almost... and that I have no need to be a tramp anymore.

LOOK, OK!

I KNEW from way back when that I was exceptional, upstairs, and that if I wanted to I could be greater than the greatest you have ever seen, because I have an intellect such as I have not encountered its equal, either in my studies or personally.[BUT I hAD NO IDEA about the... other stuff, like God and ruling and all that!]
I mean it takes a sharp person to to puzzle things that  I did, to prove the things that I have done, and also, to say I ... UNDERSTAND ... God.

Now, my THE FEAR has always been that, with any success that I may... achieve... I would have to encounter people, and I am no good at pretending;- all of you have.. masks... that you use, but my feelings and thoughts are as easy to read as a book, and anyone with eyes and ears will see EXACTLY what I am thinking, and THAT would not work to my advantage if i had to move around people, because I would not fit in... I am without having to try to make myself tied to prophecy, a 'tree that never got the rough bark, but grew up as a green shoot'.


To live up to NOW, I have had to have help from the... voice... who acted as a people sieve, making the undesirable have some kind of fear so that I could be left in... relative peace.

Trust me, it would have been so much worse had I been totally alone, because then I would have to be exposed to everything like a person who has haemophilia, and I would have been bleeding continuously from every scratch, and never healing.

Thing is, my experience at thorn-hill high made me emphatically decide that I would not have anyone around me that I did not like and that ... did not like me... ,but than seeing as how a man has to go chaff a girl and then never actually know what the woman is thinking unless the girl was someday relaxed and told you ... maybe... just when she ... decided ... she was also interested [which may have been before she told you yes, but had to have you work for it]; well, since that was the way it was probably going to have to work out, I was at a dead end as to how i would ever arrive at the women who would want me to have something with them, and me with them.

{hey, I am using the plural here, because, frankly, people, you ALL... suck... and even the type of girl who was really interested in me would always step on my toes, because ALL of you are alive, which means somehow or the other you have accepted the norms of the world, which I rejected emphatically, and chose to ...exit ... than stick around, but God had ... other thoughts.

So, let no one deceive themselves that I am ... happy... fuck THAT, I am going to have to rearrange the whole world just so that I have it MY way, so hell, expect LOTS of blood... and NO MERCY}
Anyway, it worked out that finally, because I could not do anything about what was worrying me, although I knew that, as they say that the 'taste of the pudding is in the eating', the ONLY way I would know whether someone really cared about ME was when I was the lowest of the low and totally down and out, because if people judged me when I was at any other... state... they would not be interested in... me... but in... things; the background so to speak.

So, I became the lowest of the low, and thus watched as people's contempt reached such heights that they presumed they could have me sent back home, arrested or scared, and I would have been really pissed off, except that, as promised, God showed me ten women who saw me at my lowest and yet had such evident respect and such ... interest... my anger was not ever really aroused against them.

these women are priceless.


These women that I said, are THE seven and three who made it to the top, through the thorns to my heart, because they almost none of them dressed [the simplest way to... read... a person] as I would prefer, nor could they be said to be what would have been my... first choice... of woman.

but I am more interested in what a woman thinks and these did not wear any masks as far as I was concerned, and were as easy to read as the books about Jack Reacher... no dilly-dallying, straight to the action.

the five were easy on the eyes, and I must admit, they were the type of women that I would have chosen if I had a choice... and apparently I do, and they seem to not have minded that I was... interested.

(then there is the... German girl. I had some fun this weekend)


these women are what I needed to topple the holy spirit from his ... perch... of judgement over me... because last night, when I went home and i found that the bean counter had seen what I had done against someone and so decided that in retaliation I should have some of my stuff go... missing... I finally said, "enough, God, Your spirit has stepped on my toes ane time too many. Remove him from my life, because I will not bear to have him stand in judgement over me anymore. I will now arise, and not have anyone or anything have any say OVER me. I have no interest in people, nor will I justify my actions to anyone of them, because I do nothing against anyone without cause. So, set a hedge around me, and mine, and let him have NO say, from this time on, over ANYTHING that I do.
Neither him NOR anyone
I will never again be questioned over ANYTHING I do, no matter how... unjust"

today, I did it again,[OK, I kept some money for myself, call, it what you will, but I am getting rather at the end pf my rope when it comes to tinashe. I am probably going to kill him, because he is also one of those people who are not being... themselves around me] and I am waiting to see if the thing has been plucked from my life.
permanently.


Hey, speaking of today, I was stunned on my morning walk to Simonstown, by none other than allison driving slowly past me, and checking her rear view mirror to either gauge my reaction or to see if I had seen her.

Finally, the chick is coming out of her shell.

Only thing though, is this;- is she showing up because she is afraid I will kill her [seems the general consensus leans heavily in favour of the premise that I CAN do so, and will probably do so, but when it seems I am.. wavering... or speaking nonsense, like waiting for women to come to me, the assholes like faggot-face, who went into hiding the moment I decided that I would take care of them personally... decide to come out and, show off their  bravery]


OR is she doing it because she is interested in me?

One false move and I WILL kill her.

Now, people, it is like this, the way I see it. There have been, up to now, two paths to walk. The one, the one you have trod, has been where you can lie to each other and hide behind your make, and then there is MY path, which is overtaking all of yours, and THIS is the one where I will be able to see just what everyone REALLY is thinking because you will have nowhere to hide, see?
there is this poem about a mythical hero in Tolkien's book, The Return of the King

all that is gold does not glitter
not all those who wander are lost
the old that is strong does not wither
deep roots are not reached by frost


from the ashes a fire shall be woken
Alight from the shadows shall spring
Renewed shall be blade that was broken
the crownless shall again be king

That suits me to a T. Or is it P?

Because the time for the KING to wear the crown is NOW.