he who dwells in the secret place
Well, before I let the bag out of the cat, or vice versa, I just found out that, since I have not, unlike with Counting Numbers, deleted any posts on Destiny, this is straight up, my 91st post, and of course, that brings out the obvious allusion to Psalm 91, which begins, "He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High God shall abide under the shadow of The Almighty...", and then ends with God Himself saying,
"Because he has set his love up on Me, I will deliver him
I will set him on high,because He has known My name
He shall call up on me, and I will answer him
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him, and honour him
With long life I will satisfy him, and show him My salvation"
I will set him on high,because He has known My name
He shall call up on me, and I will answer him
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him, and honour him
With long life I will satisfy him, and show him My salvation"
Now, of course, I do not agree with the angel thing and the rest of it, but when one speaks purely of God, and also, God Himself speaks about His own actions, i ... listen.
Which is why I have been a bit... troubled by something God said about something else when I was thinking of [what else? ] women, and He showed me in a vision the fact that if I had taken a certain girl,I would have had to 'bear' her for ten years.
now, that was two years ago, before I even began to decipher the "73" vision, and I have constantly wondered why i would have 'ten years' to get to a... conclusion.
I mean, of course I had 15 years of... my... life added on, and God never asked me whether i wanted it or not, so the assumption is that at the end of that period, I will have learned to... appreciate... life. That is a relief , of course, because even now, to SAY that I am ready and appreciative of life is a gross misrepresentation. I am not even, technically, on God's side, because i am looking to Him also to see the quality of life that He has to offer, and then decide whether i really want it.
yes, something happened last week to me, and i can say that I have finally let go, totally of the women who irritated me who I wanted to retain and punish continuously for a loong time, but now, all i willm do is just kill them because there are fiteen women who have made no secret of how they feel about me and my attentions, and so I do not have to mix anger and... lust, see?
but i will be damned if I can say I want to be healed. Really. I did this death-seeking deliberatleyk, and i never went to God to say, "Father, give me life and a new start", but then again, He never mentioned it also, so I think we are even. Now, if i was to be 'healed', it would, to me, no matter how one looks at it, be like God was saying I was on a crooked path before, but now, I have to straighten up,and get clean, and then be made acceptable to some... females... who to me just get on the wagon simply because I have a permanent eraction and I would wear one out if i only had one, and so, for their sake I must be ... hale?
fuck that!
if these females come, they do so knowing that whatever happens, they are in as much a state of limbo as i would be, till the end of the days, because once the time comes to an end, and i am not satisfied, i will just die, but if life is worth living, then I will live, and they, if they have proved that it is ME, MYSELF and I ... alone... that they want, will get to live also. I think i can bear THAT, yesss!
If THEY can bear being in a state of... undecided health though, is something I am not so sure they would accept. Or take. even if by the time they read this, and are aware of it, the people would have started dying, and my... status... as above everything that walks this planet would have been established. and they would have begun to look at me as more than just an angry man who does not tolerate the womanly... nonsense... that most females resort to.
Anyway,speaking of lust and women, i was... surprised the past two weeks or so since i turned my back on S/Town and the people I ... worked with [and wanted to kill] ...there and ended up limiting my forages from the mountain to Fish hoek only.
the one day, a day after I decided not to go back to S/Town, i was seated at the beach, bare-chested [well that does not mean much now because i have no spare meat AT ALL on me, not even a chest of any note!]and with hunger staring me in the face, decided to make some wire-and-bead animals and show to this guy who has a stall at the 'Clicks-coming-soon' corner, and as i wondered what it would be, this woman passed by, saw me making a wire 'tiger' [only it had a psychedelic cast to it,it had all the colours of the rainbow] and she commenetd on how I had talent.
then, apropos of nothing, she said i should come to St. Peters church, and this non-sequitur put me in mind of michelle, although the woman herself was large, more shapely and indeed quite good looking, and her voice did not have the irritating edge that michelle's had. I was also a bit thrown because the woman had a boy with her, no ring, and yeah, like michelle she had this hair on her upper lip, but wore no make-up and definitely seemed more... natural than that bitch.So, it could not have been about seeing her child, could it?
I asked myself whether I had a sign that went "Help, Jesus needed" somewhere near me, and I just brushed her off, and carried on with my ... work... saying that I had no intention of mingling with people more than I had to.
then a day or two later, she showed up again as i was at the same spot at the beach, only this time i was waiting for the stall-guy to come 'open' his 'store' and I was chilling, busy making something else, when i looked up, saw two women, and while my eyes took in the face of the one who was fat, less dressed and walking nearer the sea on Jager's walk, I never looked the other one inthe face, because my eyes went staright to the shapely legs.
She had on a black and grey sweater, and black jeans that were rolled up to the knees, and the legs underneath were the type that made me go... gaga.
The women passed me by, with me looking at the ugly one's face, because she WAS staring at me funny.
It was only when they were coming back from Sunny Cove side that I looked at the other one and recognised the woman who had invited me to church, and she saw me looking at her and she greeted me, and I returned the greeting. then a little later, while she [ yeah, and the boy] and the fat girl were still at the beach, I went to the ... stall, and sat there, with the guys, and as we made some stuff, she and the two with her came by, looked at the things we made, and then, without a word to me, passed by.
then, on one of the two days it rained, and I was drenched going to the library, I was seated, as now, at Station 6, and the fat girl, who,because of the different settings, I had trouble placing, came, checked to see if Station 8 was working, then, after I had stopped doing what I was doing and just stred at her, went 'hi', and then sat at Station 10, with the boy.
A little while later the woman herself came and sat beside me at Station 8, and said no word, and then, I, thinking I had not been seen, greeted her, and she turned and greeted me in turn, and asked if I was not cold,because I had putmy coat on the floor [it WAS soaked], and when i explained why I had it off, she turned back to her computer.
Then, after a while, seemingly after a struggle, she truned back to me, and staring me full in the face, asked whether I had gone that Sunday to St. Peters, and I said no, and then she said she would have gone herself but 'our car ran out of fuel'. I had nothing to say to that, but even me, slow as I was,began to see that there was more to this than met the eye.
the woman was intent on getting me in HER comfort zone, where she would have the home advantage, but I was not interested in THAT. In was not interested in her socially, but simply physically. And i think that was reciprocated to a large degree, but she was going about it her way.
I found myself, before I saw her the last time driving by in one of those blue citi-golfs, and hooting then waving at me as she waited at the traffic lights, thinking that what I want right NOW would be some S-E-X, with her, only all this ... explanation... would be in the way. I would have to ... tell... her a lot, and i make no great speeches.
but i liked her, and yet would have nothing to do with anyone of her.. friends, or family.
fact is, I have never much wanted to have anything to do with a woman and her... associates. To me, if i have gotten the ONE, then no matter who else comes along, if the one is accessible, the others do not matter. If they are with her, or known to her.
My policy is lightning does not strike the same place twice, so I will not have anything to do with a woman and her friends, sisters or relatives. just one woman from a certain party.
but, really, what i want now is sex. Then i can see my way to ending all this long wait.
REALLY.
Which is why I have been a bit... troubled by something God said about something else when I was thinking of [what else? ] women, and He showed me in a vision the fact that if I had taken a certain girl,I would have had to 'bear' her for ten years.
now, that was two years ago, before I even began to decipher the "73" vision, and I have constantly wondered why i would have 'ten years' to get to a... conclusion.
I mean, of course I had 15 years of... my... life added on, and God never asked me whether i wanted it or not, so the assumption is that at the end of that period, I will have learned to... appreciate... life. That is a relief , of course, because even now, to SAY that I am ready and appreciative of life is a gross misrepresentation. I am not even, technically, on God's side, because i am looking to Him also to see the quality of life that He has to offer, and then decide whether i really want it.
yes, something happened last week to me, and i can say that I have finally let go, totally of the women who irritated me who I wanted to retain and punish continuously for a loong time, but now, all i willm do is just kill them because there are fiteen women who have made no secret of how they feel about me and my attentions, and so I do not have to mix anger and... lust, see?
but i will be damned if I can say I want to be healed. Really. I did this death-seeking deliberatleyk, and i never went to God to say, "Father, give me life and a new start", but then again, He never mentioned it also, so I think we are even. Now, if i was to be 'healed', it would, to me, no matter how one looks at it, be like God was saying I was on a crooked path before, but now, I have to straighten up,and get clean, and then be made acceptable to some... females... who to me just get on the wagon simply because I have a permanent eraction and I would wear one out if i only had one, and so, for their sake I must be ... hale?
fuck that!
if these females come, they do so knowing that whatever happens, they are in as much a state of limbo as i would be, till the end of the days, because once the time comes to an end, and i am not satisfied, i will just die, but if life is worth living, then I will live, and they, if they have proved that it is ME, MYSELF and I ... alone... that they want, will get to live also. I think i can bear THAT, yesss!
If THEY can bear being in a state of... undecided health though, is something I am not so sure they would accept. Or take. even if by the time they read this, and are aware of it, the people would have started dying, and my... status... as above everything that walks this planet would have been established. and they would have begun to look at me as more than just an angry man who does not tolerate the womanly... nonsense... that most females resort to.
Anyway,speaking of lust and women, i was... surprised the past two weeks or so since i turned my back on S/Town and the people I ... worked with [and wanted to kill] ...there and ended up limiting my forages from the mountain to Fish hoek only.
the one day, a day after I decided not to go back to S/Town, i was seated at the beach, bare-chested [well that does not mean much now because i have no spare meat AT ALL on me, not even a chest of any note!]and with hunger staring me in the face, decided to make some wire-and-bead animals and show to this guy who has a stall at the 'Clicks-coming-soon' corner, and as i wondered what it would be, this woman passed by, saw me making a wire 'tiger' [only it had a psychedelic cast to it,it had all the colours of the rainbow] and she commenetd on how I had talent.
then, apropos of nothing, she said i should come to St. Peters church, and this non-sequitur put me in mind of michelle, although the woman herself was large, more shapely and indeed quite good looking, and her voice did not have the irritating edge that michelle's had. I was also a bit thrown because the woman had a boy with her, no ring, and yeah, like michelle she had this hair on her upper lip, but wore no make-up and definitely seemed more... natural than that bitch.So, it could not have been about seeing her child, could it?
I asked myself whether I had a sign that went "Help, Jesus needed" somewhere near me, and I just brushed her off, and carried on with my ... work... saying that I had no intention of mingling with people more than I had to.
then a day or two later, she showed up again as i was at the same spot at the beach, only this time i was waiting for the stall-guy to come 'open' his 'store' and I was chilling, busy making something else, when i looked up, saw two women, and while my eyes took in the face of the one who was fat, less dressed and walking nearer the sea on Jager's walk, I never looked the other one inthe face, because my eyes went staright to the shapely legs.
She had on a black and grey sweater, and black jeans that were rolled up to the knees, and the legs underneath were the type that made me go... gaga.
The women passed me by, with me looking at the ugly one's face, because she WAS staring at me funny.
It was only when they were coming back from Sunny Cove side that I looked at the other one and recognised the woman who had invited me to church, and she saw me looking at her and she greeted me, and I returned the greeting. then a little later, while she [ yeah, and the boy] and the fat girl were still at the beach, I went to the ... stall, and sat there, with the guys, and as we made some stuff, she and the two with her came by, looked at the things we made, and then, without a word to me, passed by.
then, on one of the two days it rained, and I was drenched going to the library, I was seated, as now, at Station 6, and the fat girl, who,because of the different settings, I had trouble placing, came, checked to see if Station 8 was working, then, after I had stopped doing what I was doing and just stred at her, went 'hi', and then sat at Station 10, with the boy.
A little while later the woman herself came and sat beside me at Station 8, and said no word, and then, I, thinking I had not been seen, greeted her, and she turned and greeted me in turn, and asked if I was not cold,because I had putmy coat on the floor [it WAS soaked], and when i explained why I had it off, she turned back to her computer.
Then, after a while, seemingly after a struggle, she truned back to me, and staring me full in the face, asked whether I had gone that Sunday to St. Peters, and I said no, and then she said she would have gone herself but 'our car ran out of fuel'. I had nothing to say to that, but even me, slow as I was,began to see that there was more to this than met the eye.
the woman was intent on getting me in HER comfort zone, where she would have the home advantage, but I was not interested in THAT. In was not interested in her socially, but simply physically. And i think that was reciprocated to a large degree, but she was going about it her way.
I found myself, before I saw her the last time driving by in one of those blue citi-golfs, and hooting then waving at me as she waited at the traffic lights, thinking that what I want right NOW would be some S-E-X, with her, only all this ... explanation... would be in the way. I would have to ... tell... her a lot, and i make no great speeches.
but i liked her, and yet would have nothing to do with anyone of her.. friends, or family.
fact is, I have never much wanted to have anything to do with a woman and her... associates. To me, if i have gotten the ONE, then no matter who else comes along, if the one is accessible, the others do not matter. If they are with her, or known to her.
My policy is lightning does not strike the same place twice, so I will not have anything to do with a woman and her friends, sisters or relatives. just one woman from a certain party.
but, really, what i want now is sex. Then i can see my way to ending all this long wait.
REALLY.
Everything esle is secondary.
