My Time Is Now...!

It may surprise people, but part of the reason why I am usually hesitant to do anything is because I have no real idea where God places His... limitations... of just what I can do, how far I can go, and what NOT to do.
Now, He told me that I could choose what kind of world I like, and for that reason I tend to decide about stuff only when I have sort of... disregarded... what i think God thinks about what should be done.

Take yesterday, for instance.

I finish at the library, go sit at the corner, across from the stall, basking in the sun, when would you believe it, this big-headed woman from S/Town drives up and parks her car in my face, gets out, and seems to be making a decision about which way to, as she stands in front of me at the traffic lights, then she crosses the main road and heads up north, as if going to that bank... whatistsname? in line with that DVD shop?...

I am of course, pissed off, but that is nothing to what came next.

Then butt-head's mom's car goes past, only it is not the manipulating woman herself in it, but some dark-skinned fellow, not Caucasian, maybe coloured or these latino types, and he turns as if coming from Pick-n-Pay and heads, presumably, for S/Town,  followed closely by chunky Boy, in a white Golf.

then the woman who has been dogging my steps every time I came in to the S/Town library comes back and she gets into her car, but this time I fix a very unfriendly eye on her and she drives off.

later on, I get the distinct dis-pleasure of seeing the... on-and-off bravery... of faggot-face  displayed, as he, just a little before five, drives past. I would have thought he was coming from work, but the timing is rather off, and anyway, the asshole first did this quick-peek out the side of his eye before deciding to pretend as if he was nonchalantly driving past.

 Now, that made me think;- IF I could hve everything the way I wanted it, how would I have it stand?

Ok, let me put my ambiguity about allison aside, and focus on the rest of them, and THIS is how i would have things.

fuck hell and all that; I can not be THERE to cause them suffering, so i want to DO something to them, here, and make MYSELF the CAUSE of their pain.

I will cut off faggot-face's dick and stuff it into his mouth, then, because they all seem to want to drive by and move on their asses, I will cut off their toes, and their fingers, and leave them to bleed slowly to death, without anyone to dress their wounds.

but FIRST, I will take on all the grown males, and beat them all up, taken them all on as a group, and the only thing I have to watch out for is that I do not accidentally kill anyone;- I want to show them that they are as nothing to me, and i can take them all on in my sleep even.

After i have beaten them all up, then I will cut them up, and leave them crawling.

As for michelle, i will crucify her, as her christ was crucified, and I will do the same to butt-head. I wanted to cut off his head and stuff it into his ass, but, as I said, i want themto have pain BEFORE they die.

i will take butt-head's mom's car, position her against a wall, and ram it into her, so that I break her knees or hips, whatever, and leave her to bleed internally... to death.
And have her watch as i slaughter all her... dependants.And relations.Those i have no particular beef with i will just kill, but the rest, I will... incapacitate, because my AIM is to make the statement that these people have pissed me off, and there is absolutely NO ONE that can or will rescue them. I want them to fill just how totally they are in my power, and how I will case them the greatest kind of pain I can think of, not just physical, but mental... all the anguish of seeing their every cherished thing  destroyed... because they piss me off.
Root => Trunk => Branch => Twig => Leaf

till there is no remnant left, no relation who walks this earth who will say anything, or think to interfere. No Friend even.

Now, where God can... help... is to make sure that there is no escapee, and that afterwards, there is no burial mound, or memory, or recallection of these people, because everyone willhave their own worries to contend with by then.

because i have firmly decided that the Cape Peninsula, at LEAST, will be no more, and will not c=survive a single day after my departure, since i can not stand to have the rocks and sand remain as testimony to my anger, humiliation and all that I have had to put up with while I have been here.

i want the whole place razed, melted, so that no single landmark remains the same, and nothing can ever grow here again.

NOTHING.
Now, That is how I would have things with regard to the osc, if I had my own way.

However  since I am being... honest, I have to also think of allison.
just this morning, I was complaining to God that it appears that He is putting everything on hold because of her, that He has placed me in a corner, and is not letting me move till I have done something about this silly woman, but I guess, like all my accusations; if I stop to think about it, it is not God Who is being reluctant here, but me.

I suppose that what I said before, about waiting for someone to make up her mind or whatever, is just total BS.

I made up my mind about her a long time ago, and what it is is I refuse to SHOW any... power or might... till I have those that I have claimed for myself totally in my grasp, because I am NOT a showman, I am NOT interested in letting someone first of all see what I can do, impress the person, and then have the person decide to join.

Guess if I did so i would be like the shoppers at Pick-n-Pay, right? something is only yours WHEN you have paid for it, not before.

Well, for me, something is mine first, without any payment, and only AFTER do others start to pay.

I do not WORK for anything. Everything comes freely or I reject it.

Now, what I ask of God, in public, is that there be... closure... in the matter of allison [and I hope for her sake that she decides to stay away as of this moment, because to even REFER a matter to God that should be between people is for me the same as washing my hands of the person, and all that remains nis what kind of... punishment... I will mete out when things are ...clear] and that speedily, because until I get ...over... her I am unable to DO anything.

I want this issue sorted quickly, so that my hands are no longer tied. The rest can die, I do not care, I will lose no sleep over it, because i have read your thoughts, assholes!

And I am NOT impressed.

*****

... thats the beat where they send me from Paris
real top gallis with them girl me nuh go malice.

I Have to say that, as far as women are concerned, I have decided to stay with the 15 grown ups, and the one girl, and also the 'come-to-St.Peters- woman. The last because she was so... diffident. I spoke of how she would not greet me because I was not looking at her, but only when she was certain I had noticed her did she bother to bother me.

Well, this monday, after I wrote about her, know what happened? I went to sit at a bench diagonally across from the 'Clicks-opening-soon' shop, and she drove up, coming from the city centre, down the main road. her body language read extreme tension as she stopped at the traffic lights and looked to her right to see if there was anyone at the 'stall'. When she saw no one, she sort of slumped back, and then her eye picked me up as i sat a bit forward and to her left, and then hse straightened up, and drove past. Her car was full of some old people, ladies, and of course, the blond boy.So there ARE people to leave the kid with.

maybe she did go to church Sunday, and I was not there. Whatever, I liked being... missed.

especially by such a hot chick. Those legs!!! That size!!!