FINALLY Sense Me in a to me Brain

certain things me nuh inna...
sense me in a to me brain no coke no morphine
no cocaine that me killer

Obviously, I am neither dead nor is anything changed, but NOW, at least, I KNOW where I stand                              
                                  This is how it goes:-

God tells Abraham, who SAID he wanted a son, that "For a certainty, your sons shall be surjourners in a land that is not their own ... but after four generations I shall bring them to this land", and indeed, the sons of the Hebrew go to Egypt, and then, about four hundred and thirty years later, they cry out because of their slavery. But NOT to God, although they knew the lore.
which effectively cuts God from being able to carry out his promise PERSONALLY, because they did not look to HIM, although they, as I said, KNEW the promise.
So, God sends a person, but as everyone knows, they make the crossing of the Red Sea, the miracles and all, about moses, not God, and even Jesus, who ought to have known better, says that 'moses gave you the law, although it was not of moses, but of the fathers", thus effectively pushing God out of the picture as if God doesn't have anything to do with it.

the POINT is that God's story quickly became about who REPRESENTED Him, and not about Him.

Fast forward to a few thousand years, and I am born, and God cheats from the beginning. Because of my ... peculiar birth tale, I am a person who has never had an interest in life or conforming to the norm, or even bothering, because i would ... rather be dead. I reject EVERYTHING, and God makes sure that I am kept alive... but funny enough, it is NOT the voice that does that, but my own peculiar outlook. At the time that I SHOULD have conformed, then God shows up, and again He cheats, because He gives me no choice in anything, but I, from a person who rejected everything and had no hope, become the ONLY living person, before or since, to LOOK straight at God, and focus on Him alone... hence my... inability, even now, to be... normal.

the voice is, as He said, a 'companion', which means when my 'journey' is complete, and I have no need for further travel, and am at rest, I will have no need of him... because the ONLY prerequisite to immortality is ... focus... on God.

Now, there are people who, after He tricked me AGAIN, into asking Him for ten women, paid attention to ME when I gave them no particular ... mind...because I always assumed that NO ONE would ever bother with me.
the ten are as I said... except for the last one. because the LAST one is actually THAT ONE who had the "I-know-everything" attitude, who I mentally blasted and said she should just be a woman and not be so... caustic. She listened. her entire wardrobe was changed, and her speech was refined, and she showed up relentlessly, and even when I bumped into her the last time, she looked sexy.
I was looking at the wrong thing. The lady clearly DOES NOT want to be with her son, and she just as clearly is NOT working, so someone IS supporting the kid. She just wants to be in control of EVERYTHING, even when every act of hers shows that she doesn't really want that.
But I like that she paid attention, and she WILL leave her son for me when I call.
AS I do NOW.

But then, there are women I personally liked, and showed that I liked, and they responded to me, even though THAT left ME confused,. because I was NOT aware of what was happening, and they were also left nonplussed:

The redhead psychology student:- when SHE came I was aware of her, at Valkernberg, and she struck me as quite... nice... in her skirt and curvy body. till I met HER, white people had always liked wearing trousers and these rub me up the wrong way, actually, so, I liked her, and I ogled her, till I realised i was suicidal, hopeless, and maybe not in the best frame of mind to even THINK of being involved with a woman.
When she showed up alone, later, she behaved like she had found a favourite toy, and what scared me was she was so... at home... around me I was wondering if she was crazy. When she saw how agitated I was, she spoke soothingly in Afrikaans, but I drew further back, because ... hope was for other people, not me. I was doomed to either endure life whether I liked it or not, or to die of a loathsome disease.
When I saw her last, as I was transferred to a better ward from High Care, she had done herself up, and her warm smile withered and fell off as I passed her by and ignored her.
Its been three years, I know, and so, someone may say she moved on. NOT LIKELY> She did not strike me as the flirty type, and I knwo what I saw. She is MINE.

Then there is the chick with the khaki shorts in 2011, late, who walked on the beach at Simonstown, with her friend, talking while i vame from behind and admired the way her hips swayed as she picked her way on the sand. Then I brought myself up short and put the thought from my mind, because no way someone like that could have anything to do with me, living in a shack by the beach. I passed her by, looked at her face, then went and lay down.
Later, with a shepherd, she came and lifted the flap of the tent I used as a door covering, and her face was... resolute.
Not scared. She ran away.Without the embarrassed smile of someone who had been caught doing funny stuff. Then she just stood there, while I got a good look. I liked it.

Then there is the Dutch girl, who I saw as she came to Villekulla Lodge, and immediately turned my mind away from her, since she had a ... boyfriend. But the hair and the face were striking. I had never seen such shiny white hair, and she was drop dead gorgeous. When I spoke to the couple later that night, and the guy banged his hands on the table and said' you can not let a WOMAN stop your dreams' I could not help looking at the chisk because I had seen the guy's virulent misogyny displayed. She quietly went and brought a book, and then later she foolowed me as I went to cook. OK, I saw she may be interested, but I took it as being because she was thinking she could be a replecement, and anyway, she was wearing such... conservative clothes, maybe she was  skinny under those jeans.
Next morning, she wore a skirt that showed off her flawless white -I mean WHITE- shapely legs, and I was doing the mental approximate of putting a towel in my mouth and biting it to keep from slobbering. She stuck around S/Town till we bumped into each other later that day, and I extracted some means of contact.
Was she involved with the guy?
Duh, she was booked in a dorm!
And the guy did not seem into women.
Yeah, I take HER!
Gladly.

then there is the girl in the kimono, who I had seen in a vision, complaining about me mixing 'them' with riffraff. I liked what I saw, though I kicked her dog, and she gave me a sideways look. I mentioned the encounter in some other blog, and well, I have no intention of letting HER slip out of my fingers either.

Finally, there is the chick that I looked up to see smiling as I sat outside the F/Hoek library.
I have never seen such a ravishing smile,. and she was dressed in a skirt that did not hide her fine figure, had sensible flat shoes, and although her blouse was a touch too low cut for my taste, her face as she walked nearer and smiled a smile that I knew was ONLY meant for a man knocked me flat.
Then this OBVIOUS moffie who works in the library came out.
I was disappointed, because I thought she would SEE the obvious.
She shook the guy's hand, did not give him a hug that such a smile warranted.
Cant forget the smile.

Now, these are the fifteen women.
As for my enemies, well, I can NOT stand to have them remain around to gloat. they are God's property, yes, so He deals with them.
And i want them dead, with all their families, houses, and the cars that they drove around and bothered me with.

As for MYSELF, I want to DO things, so I will built a car, and such stuff such as I will explain tomorrow.

Pity about Allison, though, because she would have been excellent with these women, but I guess she likes the present company too much and probably thinks all this is a hoax!

People prepare to be amazed.