My life is probably the most... complicated... there is, and when, yesterday, I went... home [what a joke!] early, and I was asking God (I said its complicated), as I lay on my... back... catching the last of the dwindling light - cant see the sunset from the cave- just whether these women would be... it... He replied, instantly, "Study to show yourself approved", and I decided to take stock of the situation.
And get a good overview as well as an in-depth analysis.
Now, technically, though God's interference happened first, what I was aware of, and thus, what ... shaped me... was my mother's... decision... to dispossess me of the life that she herself did not apply for, but was granted to her because her own mother had no qualms about letting her live.
So, I grew up with a hatred of my mother and the interfernce of any woman in anything that I had to do.
Trust me, if any female decides, in any way, to... contribute... to whatever I did by offernig advice or trying to impede me, then that woman has earned my undying hatred, because I so hate that!
Let a woman offer her body, fine, and if she has to show anything of the grey matter that she has between her ears, let it be that she not only follows my thought, but concedes that she is basically in need of schooling in that department, because that would not only be the truth -hey, I am technically light years ahead of anyone in terms of thought processes, and that is no lie - but that would make her more likely to... live.
frankly, anyone can disagree with me, and that is quite Ok with me, but trying to force one's own thoughts on me, when i do not force mine on anyone's, will be tantamount to slapping me in the face. that is the reason why I am going to kill michelle, and take my time about it, because she actually came out of her house, got on a bus, or her mama-in-waiting's car, and had the nerve to confront me and tell me that I should go home, which endeavour she had tried unsuccessfully through butt-head to effect - and i am going to gut that fool as well, and , as i said, take my time about it- and my question is, who the fuck are you to tell me what to do, and who the fuck are you to try to FORCE me to do what you want?
so, that statement above effectively makes even nicky?, who came with her brother to happy valley, a dead woman walking, because I am a person who takes GREAT pleasure in handing out pain, trust me, and once i do have a cause for doing it, and the wherewithal to effect my vengeance, I do not ... hesitate.
now, that is just the cream on top, lets get down to basics.
Growing up, I had the... opportunity... to observe and despise the customs of people, especially in the process of... 'love'..., or the formalisation of the said phenomenon.
you would find a mother sitting... obsequiously... on the floor while the man-folk lounged on sofas and decided what was to be done about the daughter who had been... asked for... from the parents by the family of this bashful young man who wants to have her as wife, and ten times out of ten you would find that, amid the hurried conferences, the one who had the power of veto and the real vote was the woman who sat there, and either offered her own two words out of every thousand spoken, or whispered to the daughter what she thought she should say she wanted, and of course, everyone, even the man folk hidden in their goaties, would take heed, if they knew what was good for them.
i resolved i would never marry, not if it meant that I would have to go through the process of having everything i wanted to ask a girl filtered through the lens of the profit-seeking mother.
Fact is, though, as I wanted sex, and not much else from a woman, I resolved not to even have anything much to do with a woman who was traditional, and then it became, through the years, that i would have nothing to do with a fellow-country woman, then it was that i would have nothing to do with a blck woman, because mainly of the hair.
I was involved with a girl, this one that ended up with God giving me the "My yoke is easy ... " speech, who was a hair dresser, and when I plumbed the depths and found out why women would spend volumes and volumes of time trying to look perfectly... natural, I said hell, no, fuck that, NO WAY would i be party to such a fraudulent waste of time... fuck, some girl told me that if a man knew what was good for him he should not ever come between a girl and her hair, so, i would rather have a girl who had no0 need to have any time wasted on her hair, since I am the quint-essential Mr- Possessive, and will have NOTHING come between me and a woman, NOT even God.
Now, as time passed and I finally decided to focus my anger mainly on this very same God Who had given me, unasked for, fifteen extra years of this life, and I started to blame HIM for the things that were happening in my life when it was a ... fact... that "in Him we live and move and have our being", and so, one could, if one was in a situation like mine -which is unique in that, while God for you all is a distant Entity, One you have to seek out, I have only to turn inwards, and or just be walking along and basically be doing anything, and He is instantly involved- have to ask something like, OK, so is THIS why You came into my life,started dispensing Your wisdom, and then gave me 15 years FOR?
And He would reply, like that time He put words in my mouth, with something like, 'tell me what You want from me', which is funny, really because the song from which that statement came from was DMX/sisqo asking the women what they wanted from him/them, as well as listing the women.
God was therefore pointing out that the ONLY way, indeed that I could be happy was to have more than one woman, and as I said, He put words in my mouth, and I said "ten million dollars... to build that thing", and as it so happened, I ended up with ten women that I have to say were not just mere... rubbish.
let me tell you that in... detail.
I have a low opinion of women, and i was unlike that guy who was told by a prospective father-in-law that if he wanted the daughter of the man, he should catch just one bull that came out of the stall, and when the stall was opened, he saw the first that came out as too ferocious, and let it go, and then the next was worse, and so on, till in the end all the bulls had been released and he had no bull, and thus, no means to impress the man into letting his daughter become his.
As I said, I am unlike that. my plicy is to latch on to the first woman that even... smiles.. at me, but, since i have learnt by bitter experience that these smiles usually hide something sinister, I have resolved not to give in to my... experimental... nature.
Actually, it took God to draw me out of that, when michelle insulted me by ... taking me out... in my rags, and trying to palm off her daughter on me.
I was SO pissed off, because up till that day, i had built up such a hype as to what "September 18: Independence Day" was all about. When I found out THEN just what i was... allowing... women to do to me, I realised two things:-
1)that I would never allow anyone else to do the same to me
2)that I was going to go straight from being a stranger to being a killer of this woman without having to go through the route of being a lover, because the fucking bitch WAS insulting me;- so I decided to start closing the noose on her.Till she asked me what i was still doing here, and I asked God, and he sent the ten million dollars vision.
The women were not the worthless ones that were the likes of michelle or hwer mama-in-law, who also, now that i think of it, made me so perplexed till God took advantage again of the ...hype mentality of mine... and sent the Sunday October 21 vision of the stunned-blonde's picture, when I exploded at HIM, and maybe caused the woman to momentarily realise that not even God was enough to pull me back, that i was as contrary as they came, and could not be reasoned with. Maybe she momentarily realised that, and then dismissed it as a joke, and carried on.If she had not, she would probably have been one of the few of her family i left alive, to die when i leave, but alas, she thought i coould be manipulated, and coerced to do as she wanted, and now, she will pay the price. I intend to take my time in inflicting as much pain on her and hers, on the kids she wanted to give me, on her daughter she sent to... interest me, on moto mia, on the guys she put in her car, on all the fucking lot of them, because NO ONE ... reasons... with the maverick. I dictate,suckers, and you follow, or get the fuck out of my way. I have NO time to waste on diplomacy or on stupid arguments with people that I have less respect for than a cockraoch has for a dead body.
Anyway, the fifteen women are the type that i can be confident of that once they tasted of me, they were hooked permanently, that no one esle ever interested them, that there was no one else in their lives from then on, and the same can be said of the german girl, of the diffident come-to-church woman, and also, of the woman that I meet, and yesterday tried to avoid late afternoon by going home early, because she has been showing all the signs of being hooked on getting my approval, and i have said NOTHING to her.
but, eight years with 18... 20... women? hell no, of course there will be more, but on my terms!
