I am in a 'bad place' at the moment!
thing is, I am not sure if it is me that is not getting across, or if I am barking up the wrong tree, because, you see, I ...
well, maybe the best way to say this is to point out something else...
like, I found myself feeling all weird when I wrote that i loved God, because as things stand, I have serious trust issues as far as He is concerned. It... appears... at the moment, that He loves me, and while all the evidence points that way, I will never be satisfied till everything He says comes true, and even then, whatever is broken inside me will never really get me to ever say I love God, because I live for the moment,a nd all it takes is just a single instant where He does NOT act as He says for me to regress. And give up on Him.
I am SAYING, there fore, that NO ONE exists that I will ever say I unequivocally accept, and as I see things now, maybe THIS point is NOT getting across, OR I am, as I said, wrong about what I think God is showing me, and so, I am really In a bad place.I was also thinking that I am really NOT interested in people that come into my life and expect me to run after them, or some such thing, you know, the posers who seem to be thinking, "well, the moment you see me you will not be able to help yourself, but run after me"Which is why I have decided to... drop the nicole kidman chick from the ... prospective list, because the... person was absent. I was seeing her at her 'I am irresistible' best, when I would have rather welcomed the approach that the ... I can not find another word... extremely attractive canadian based chick used, like she came out of her shell and well, engaged my interest. But, see, she left, and while technically, in my crazy life, I can not fault her for leaving and carrying on with her life, i am left wondering, these things, like that guys sang,
I have never gone into anyone's life to try and influence them into my way of life, yet all you assholes never ever hesitated to walk all over me to get me to start ... thinking... the way you wanted. Well, you will reap what you sow.
if it was all left to me, i would NOT have any woman that actuallyread my posts, beforehand, because these people are really tainted, as far as i am concerned, because the trustworthiness of their actions is very suspect.I guess the inability to ever give anyone any 'benefit of the doubt' EVER is what God meant in the prophecy about the green shoot, you know, the tree that has no hard bark', and thus can be easily scratched and water come out. I am definitely NOT liking this moment,a nd I find myself sliding almost irrevocably into terminal anger, and by that I mean that for teh FIRST time ever the anger will be focused 100% on others, and not on myself. I can NOT be always a... mistake, but must acknowledge the evidence of my own senses.
And as far as I am concerned, the only people i can trust, in as far as i can acknowledge that god has a lot to lose to lie to me, since He appears at all times to actually value His word, and that not only with me, but with every act of His, so i will probably have to trust His take on these people, these 21 women, and a girl that at the moment have NO idea what i am writing, ebcause I do not have to deal with their inflated egos at the same moment. To them i am just an interesting, irresistible person, and to me they are people that God says I can trust, and since He will never break His word, I will be more likely to take these ones without having to worry too much, but these others... ha, I am not sure how much longer i can take this!
God, I can not keep this up.
NO. I want to wrap things up, and stop this madness.
or rather start!
YESSS
thing is, I am not sure if it is me that is not getting across, or if I am barking up the wrong tree, because, you see, I ...
well, maybe the best way to say this is to point out something else...
like, I found myself feeling all weird when I wrote that i loved God, because as things stand, I have serious trust issues as far as He is concerned. It... appears... at the moment, that He loves me, and while all the evidence points that way, I will never be satisfied till everything He says comes true, and even then, whatever is broken inside me will never really get me to ever say I love God, because I live for the moment,a nd all it takes is just a single instant where He does NOT act as He says for me to regress. And give up on Him.
I am SAYING, there fore, that NO ONE exists that I will ever say I unequivocally accept, and as I see things now, maybe THIS point is NOT getting across, OR I am, as I said, wrong about what I think God is showing me, and so, I am really In a bad place.I was also thinking that I am really NOT interested in people that come into my life and expect me to run after them, or some such thing, you know, the posers who seem to be thinking, "well, the moment you see me you will not be able to help yourself, but run after me"Which is why I have decided to... drop the nicole kidman chick from the ... prospective list, because the... person was absent. I was seeing her at her 'I am irresistible' best, when I would have rather welcomed the approach that the ... I can not find another word... extremely attractive canadian based chick used, like she came out of her shell and well, engaged my interest. But, see, she left, and while technically, in my crazy life, I can not fault her for leaving and carrying on with her life, i am left wondering, these things, like that guys sang,
do i ever cross your mindanytime?
Because i wonder if I, ME, I actually matter, or if these people that are actually reading my posts are out to exploit what they see as my weaknesses, like they actually think they can think, reason (and take advantage) better than me>Well, my time is here, and I am going to take my time, as soon as this thing is sorted out, I will deal with those fools that had the insouciance to actually push their silly asses in my face!
if it was all left to me, i would NOT have any woman that actuallyread my posts, beforehand, because these people are really tainted, as far as i am concerned, because the trustworthiness of their actions is very suspect.I guess the inability to ever give anyone any 'benefit of the doubt' EVER is what God meant in the prophecy about the green shoot, you know, the tree that has no hard bark', and thus can be easily scratched and water come out. I am definitely NOT liking this moment,a nd I find myself sliding almost irrevocably into terminal anger, and by that I mean that for teh FIRST time ever the anger will be focused 100% on others, and not on myself. I can NOT be always a... mistake, but must acknowledge the evidence of my own senses.
And as far as I am concerned, the only people i can trust, in as far as i can acknowledge that god has a lot to lose to lie to me, since He appears at all times to actually value His word, and that not only with me, but with every act of His, so i will probably have to trust His take on these people, these 21 women, and a girl that at the moment have NO idea what i am writing, ebcause I do not have to deal with their inflated egos at the same moment. To them i am just an interesting, irresistible person, and to me they are people that God says I can trust, and since He will never break His word, I will be more likely to take these ones without having to worry too much, but these others... ha, I am not sure how much longer i can take this!
God, I can not keep this up.
NO. I want to wrap things up, and stop this madness.
or rather start!
YESSS
let me see every light
inna de air
from your born bad
say bravery,
bravery we bad
we crazy
Big badness turn up
when time the alien them
them step out
90's they no bad like we
what them talking about?
badda dun dem
badda dun dem
them so pussy boy
make me gunna down dem
came out and view
say me buffer make them
and me boy are make escape
badda burn dey
the man them are shout
shoot only son
open the gun
make the demons them come out
inna de air
from your born bad
say bravery,
bravery we bad
we crazy
Big badness turn up
when time the alien them
them step out
90's they no bad like we
what them talking about?
badda dun dem
badda dun dem
them so pussy boy
make me gunna down dem
came out and view
say me buffer make them
and me boy are make escape
badda burn dey
the man them are shout
shoot only son
open the gun
make the demons them come out
