Today has been a very... hard... day for me, but just a few moments ago, as if God is perversely intent on proving Himself right, as I was debating buying food and going up the mountain or coming here to wynberg, and I was walking with head bowed down, I just happened to look up, and there, with a dreamy look in her eyes as she looked at me, behind the wheel of some white hatch-back was the blonde woman I used to encounter on the train in the episode with the married glencairn woman.She was right there, and if I had any doubts about what effect I appear to have with women, certain of them anyway, it was dispelled.
I seem stuck in this story.
Now, of course, God being God, and Him knowing my propensity for ... violence... whether directed at myself or at others at moments such as these; arranged for me to have a busy day. First Vinnie wanted some pool acid;- I am talking about HCl, 30% hydrochloric acid, and when I went to shoprite to buy it, and I was holding it in my hand, I sighed deeply and resisted the temptation;- it would not work, I know. I would feel intense, searing pain, but nothing after that. You will be amazed at how nature seems NOT to work around me in times like these, almost as if I am some cartoon superhero.(later, I went to wynberg, to get some wire, but I had nothing to say, so I did not come to the internet cafe. I was reeling)
.
Ha, I think that the song cartoon character would be appropriate right now, while I marshal my scattered thoughts to finally show you the grit and guts of this whole story. I mean, fuck, I, in intense moments like these, find it impossible NOT to have my super-cold brain kick in and process things just so that I can make sense of things, and I am convinced that, finally, I can present you with the whole story, God and man included, and why the mother-thing will result in me ending up killing people.Fuck, I fell for it, did I not. Should have stuck to the unreasoning suicidal person I used to be. Life was so uncomplicated then.
Well, this is what happened, OK?
God, this same God, made the first man, see, who, as I think I mentioned in passing, was red, more like me than well, jesus h. christ.
that was AFTER He had said that He would make the man out of His own image and in His likeness, meaning that the man would, like Him, be the one who saw the "Present based on the Past, and predicated the Future on the fusion of the two":- a thinking man who would NOT be Spirit, like Him.
Ok, so before all this, I assumed that, because I had a ... Voice... that he was responsible for me being... US, but well, it is NOT so, because the .. voice... was the helper that got God pissed off with His spirit and the man and got Him to take a holiday because when God said He would make the man a helper- and the man, while being endowed with a dick, was UNABLE to have kids, because he was NOT designed to procreate and was basically, self-centred, not selfless[which is why God "lessened" the two, the man and the woman and said they should multiply and fill the earth;-the man fell the moment he asked to be like everybody else;- eh, I mean like every animal], he was alone of his species- the spirit enticed the man by going into him and influencing him to want to be like every oher creature, and thus ask God for a ... wombed-man helper. Now, thing about God is, He could not very well NOT give the man what he asked for, because it would appear that He was unable to do so, and so He gave the man what he asked for, and then had to go and hide for a while, and recover.
now, God never gives up, and anyone with open eyes will note the basic avoidance of God, as far as the female is concerned. The spirit of God is NOT God, neither is christ, and well whether they act ostensibly in His place or not, they are NOT Him, and bveing but one track-minded, they do not see as He does, and so, are not like HIM, as I find myself being, and so, since I am stuck in this state, I want to deal with the both of them MYSELF, and I want them both given into my hands, but I am rushing too far ahead.
God is probably the best poker player you could ever come across, and when things blew up because the man was NOT thinking as he was designed to, since he really had no need for a woman since he did not need to have kids, and God had to redesign him so that he could become a father all that taking from the side of the man- and we all know that a boy's testicles have to drop down and are not born functional, or obvious:- i refuse to go into that until I know that I am NOT teaching any man to change, because i refuse to cause any man to... repent; I want perfect vengeance, and I intend to get it- when it made no... sense for him to be that, well, the guy ended up becoming, as God told him, but dust, and as such, he was... mortal. Which is why he was told that on the day he ate the fruit and knew what he was, the knowledge would kill him. Surely. God DID stress that 'verily' bit!
And God promised the woman that her seed-what would come out of her- would crush the serpent, and would have enmity with that serpent and crush his head.(Hell, I therefore can interpret that, based on my own pre-dilections, to mean that I WILL war with any woman's mate, as a matter of course, simply because i need to be the ONLY dominant male and not be like anyone else. So, of course, I am killing every male, to begin with, that has known any of the women that I will have to... have, by a mere word, as soon as all my other ducks are in a row. The rest that have pissed me off personally will die by MY hand, and I do not think that they will like that, because just dying will probably be infinitely preferable. I mean, I have a LOT of anger and frustration issues here, and well, I am NOT the most reasonable of people, and well, you get the drift)
You can read the fucking bible and figure out that He went from being specific about literal seed to referring to a person, and well, we all know that christ came, and he was called by God that he had come out of Him, and so for him to be called the son who "came out of' man (son of man) is inaccurate, since by his very presence on earth he had no man donating his genes;- this was him and the silly spirit trying to pre-empt God's word, even though the asshole was the son of NO man, and so could not have been the promised one.
I was born immortal, or something like that, because I can not reason as you all do, I actually can not just DO something because well, everyone else is doing it. there has to be a reason for it, past, and applying to the present, and based on a future I want to achieve.I was actually fighting MYSELF when I tried to die, and failed. I had a helper to sort of blow everyone out of my way, and, as it is written "the voice of one crying in the wilderness, make straight the paths of the king...", and so, whenever i decided that i would have things go a certain way.. and this applies mostly to women, or rather exclusively to women, it always seemed that a specific woman would show up that suited a certain purpose of mine, and i am NOT just referring to these white women, but rather to my whole life, like from the time I was being drowned by my mother and a next door woman rushed in. I assume that because it is written that the king comes seated on a colt then the colt is ... between his legs... meaning that the ONLY way I can relate to a woman is if she is primarily ... you can fill in the details.
but what does that have to do with my mother?I rejected her, of course, after figuring out everything, and when the time came for me to... compromise, a new, unrelenting person seemed to leap out of me, and i refused to do anything that would make her... happy... because to me the past would have to be first dealt with, see?
And that pleased God a lot.I can not count the number of times He used to comfort me in some bizarre scheme to NOT be normal!
like when i quit the Goldbach Conjecture and when i late quit university.
Hell, what about the time He rolled His sleeves and went after the girl i was later to take in defiance of Him simply because she suggested that I make peace with my mother?
and he gave the cross vision, and the primary school in the background of this giant black bottle?
or when recently He promised the September 18: independence Day thing when I was trying to figure out if He had measured me and deemed that I would have to be mated with michelle because I would have to fit in after all my unruliness had seemingly been expended.or when I was contemplating giving in to butthead's mom's silent plea, and He emphatically pointed out, "I WONT let you fall", and all that failed because well, I am NOT designed to disobey God, much as I tend to blaze my own trail, and act contrary to all established laws, some of which He Himself put in place!
I am still trying to figure out when exactly I became this... different person... but I suppose it was inevitable that at one time or the other a confrontation would occur, and I would have to deal with the woman, women. And of course, with everything that caused the situation to begin with.( So, I suppose that this historical thing between white people and black people will have to be dealt with as well[funny, in my tongue, whites are not regarded as people, and in their tongue it is apparently more correct to say "white people" and then "blacks" instead of black people, because the two sides do not regard each other as... people... if their race is different. one more thing for me to put an end to, yes?)
SO, I rejected parenthood, and rejected, in the same breath, my parents, and became what you will shortly see.And, then, because unlike the first man I have grown up among women, and have had these same women- I almost feel pity on michelle for the trouble she has brought on herself by being the catalyst that effected the complete change, by assuming that I was just nothing and at the very best just another man who would actually bend to her will- piss me off, and the fact that I was having an identity crisis at the same time may have made these idiots to think i will actually be amenable to their will, as they carry on the ages long feud between men and women, well, they will die, pitilessly, because I have no compunction about punishing those that make me mad, and doing it unrelentingly.
fuck, I have always wanted to have revenge, and my time is now, and I do not know what else is necessary to unleash me, maybe all I need is time to get my reeling thoughts in order and then I will strike out.
or maybe I need to sort out the mystery of the five remaining women.
I wonder if the david matthews woman IS the last one, or if I am right about any of them because I am only sure of one thing, if they do NOT come out on their own, then there is a vacuum there, and well, God does NOT do vacuums, which means that somebody somewhere is taking me for a fool, and I am not, in the present mood, in the... mood... for games.I mean, people, you have had your fun, and mocked me and made fun of everything I stand for, because to you it was impossible that I could ever be right, but i never cared what you thought, I was trying to find my feet. I am now on terra firma, a bit, and I shudder to think of what other things are at my disposal, because if God said, personally, to me, "Speak, Friend, and enter", as well, as the promise that what I open no one will be able to shut, and what I shut no one will open, then I can BE anything i want to be, since I can say, for example, like NOW, that those that are mine and lacking had better present themselves to me without delay, so that I may begin my ascent and take over everything, then NOTHING will stand in my way.
so be it.let them come out, the five that are missing, and then the twenty, and then I will depart, leaving nothing but scorched earth in my wake.
Nothing will grow again on this earth after i am done , and I am just beginning!
I seem stuck in this story.
Now, of course, God being God, and Him knowing my propensity for ... violence... whether directed at myself or at others at moments such as these; arranged for me to have a busy day. First Vinnie wanted some pool acid;- I am talking about HCl, 30% hydrochloric acid, and when I went to shoprite to buy it, and I was holding it in my hand, I sighed deeply and resisted the temptation;- it would not work, I know. I would feel intense, searing pain, but nothing after that. You will be amazed at how nature seems NOT to work around me in times like these, almost as if I am some cartoon superhero.(later, I went to wynberg, to get some wire, but I had nothing to say, so I did not come to the internet cafe. I was reeling)
.
Ha, I think that the song cartoon character would be appropriate right now, while I marshal my scattered thoughts to finally show you the grit and guts of this whole story. I mean, fuck, I, in intense moments like these, find it impossible NOT to have my super-cold brain kick in and process things just so that I can make sense of things, and I am convinced that, finally, I can present you with the whole story, God and man included, and why the mother-thing will result in me ending up killing people.Fuck, I fell for it, did I not. Should have stuck to the unreasoning suicidal person I used to be. Life was so uncomplicated then.
cartoon character:- turn the page and start a new chapter.
Well, this is what happened, OK?
God, this same God, made the first man, see, who, as I think I mentioned in passing, was red, more like me than well, jesus h. christ.
that was AFTER He had said that He would make the man out of His own image and in His likeness, meaning that the man would, like Him, be the one who saw the "Present based on the Past, and predicated the Future on the fusion of the two":- a thinking man who would NOT be Spirit, like Him.
Ok, so before all this, I assumed that, because I had a ... Voice... that he was responsible for me being... US, but well, it is NOT so, because the .. voice... was the helper that got God pissed off with His spirit and the man and got Him to take a holiday because when God said He would make the man a helper- and the man, while being endowed with a dick, was UNABLE to have kids, because he was NOT designed to procreate and was basically, self-centred, not selfless[which is why God "lessened" the two, the man and the woman and said they should multiply and fill the earth;-the man fell the moment he asked to be like everybody else;- eh, I mean like every animal], he was alone of his species- the spirit enticed the man by going into him and influencing him to want to be like every oher creature, and thus ask God for a ... wombed-man helper. Now, thing about God is, He could not very well NOT give the man what he asked for, because it would appear that He was unable to do so, and so He gave the man what he asked for, and then had to go and hide for a while, and recover.
now, God never gives up, and anyone with open eyes will note the basic avoidance of God, as far as the female is concerned. The spirit of God is NOT God, neither is christ, and well whether they act ostensibly in His place or not, they are NOT Him, and bveing but one track-minded, they do not see as He does, and so, are not like HIM, as I find myself being, and so, since I am stuck in this state, I want to deal with the both of them MYSELF, and I want them both given into my hands, but I am rushing too far ahead.
God is probably the best poker player you could ever come across, and when things blew up because the man was NOT thinking as he was designed to, since he really had no need for a woman since he did not need to have kids, and God had to redesign him so that he could become a father all that taking from the side of the man- and we all know that a boy's testicles have to drop down and are not born functional, or obvious:- i refuse to go into that until I know that I am NOT teaching any man to change, because i refuse to cause any man to... repent; I want perfect vengeance, and I intend to get it- when it made no... sense for him to be that, well, the guy ended up becoming, as God told him, but dust, and as such, he was... mortal. Which is why he was told that on the day he ate the fruit and knew what he was, the knowledge would kill him. Surely. God DID stress that 'verily' bit!
And God promised the woman that her seed-what would come out of her- would crush the serpent, and would have enmity with that serpent and crush his head.(Hell, I therefore can interpret that, based on my own pre-dilections, to mean that I WILL war with any woman's mate, as a matter of course, simply because i need to be the ONLY dominant male and not be like anyone else. So, of course, I am killing every male, to begin with, that has known any of the women that I will have to... have, by a mere word, as soon as all my other ducks are in a row. The rest that have pissed me off personally will die by MY hand, and I do not think that they will like that, because just dying will probably be infinitely preferable. I mean, I have a LOT of anger and frustration issues here, and well, I am NOT the most reasonable of people, and well, you get the drift)
You can read the fucking bible and figure out that He went from being specific about literal seed to referring to a person, and well, we all know that christ came, and he was called by God that he had come out of Him, and so for him to be called the son who "came out of' man (son of man) is inaccurate, since by his very presence on earth he had no man donating his genes;- this was him and the silly spirit trying to pre-empt God's word, even though the asshole was the son of NO man, and so could not have been the promised one.
I was born immortal, or something like that, because I can not reason as you all do, I actually can not just DO something because well, everyone else is doing it. there has to be a reason for it, past, and applying to the present, and based on a future I want to achieve.I was actually fighting MYSELF when I tried to die, and failed. I had a helper to sort of blow everyone out of my way, and, as it is written "the voice of one crying in the wilderness, make straight the paths of the king...", and so, whenever i decided that i would have things go a certain way.. and this applies mostly to women, or rather exclusively to women, it always seemed that a specific woman would show up that suited a certain purpose of mine, and i am NOT just referring to these white women, but rather to my whole life, like from the time I was being drowned by my mother and a next door woman rushed in. I assume that because it is written that the king comes seated on a colt then the colt is ... between his legs... meaning that the ONLY way I can relate to a woman is if she is primarily ... you can fill in the details.
but what does that have to do with my mother?I rejected her, of course, after figuring out everything, and when the time came for me to... compromise, a new, unrelenting person seemed to leap out of me, and i refused to do anything that would make her... happy... because to me the past would have to be first dealt with, see?
And that pleased God a lot.I can not count the number of times He used to comfort me in some bizarre scheme to NOT be normal!
like when i quit the Goldbach Conjecture and when i late quit university.
Hell, what about the time He rolled His sleeves and went after the girl i was later to take in defiance of Him simply because she suggested that I make peace with my mother?
and he gave the cross vision, and the primary school in the background of this giant black bottle?
or when recently He promised the September 18: independence Day thing when I was trying to figure out if He had measured me and deemed that I would have to be mated with michelle because I would have to fit in after all my unruliness had seemingly been expended.or when I was contemplating giving in to butthead's mom's silent plea, and He emphatically pointed out, "I WONT let you fall", and all that failed because well, I am NOT designed to disobey God, much as I tend to blaze my own trail, and act contrary to all established laws, some of which He Himself put in place!
I am still trying to figure out when exactly I became this... different person... but I suppose it was inevitable that at one time or the other a confrontation would occur, and I would have to deal with the woman, women. And of course, with everything that caused the situation to begin with.( So, I suppose that this historical thing between white people and black people will have to be dealt with as well[funny, in my tongue, whites are not regarded as people, and in their tongue it is apparently more correct to say "white people" and then "blacks" instead of black people, because the two sides do not regard each other as... people... if their race is different. one more thing for me to put an end to, yes?)
SO, I rejected parenthood, and rejected, in the same breath, my parents, and became what you will shortly see.And, then, because unlike the first man I have grown up among women, and have had these same women- I almost feel pity on michelle for the trouble she has brought on herself by being the catalyst that effected the complete change, by assuming that I was just nothing and at the very best just another man who would actually bend to her will- piss me off, and the fact that I was having an identity crisis at the same time may have made these idiots to think i will actually be amenable to their will, as they carry on the ages long feud between men and women, well, they will die, pitilessly, because I have no compunction about punishing those that make me mad, and doing it unrelentingly.
fuck, I have always wanted to have revenge, and my time is now, and I do not know what else is necessary to unleash me, maybe all I need is time to get my reeling thoughts in order and then I will strike out.
or maybe I need to sort out the mystery of the five remaining women.
I wonder if the david matthews woman IS the last one, or if I am right about any of them because I am only sure of one thing, if they do NOT come out on their own, then there is a vacuum there, and well, God does NOT do vacuums, which means that somebody somewhere is taking me for a fool, and I am not, in the present mood, in the... mood... for games.I mean, people, you have had your fun, and mocked me and made fun of everything I stand for, because to you it was impossible that I could ever be right, but i never cared what you thought, I was trying to find my feet. I am now on terra firma, a bit, and I shudder to think of what other things are at my disposal, because if God said, personally, to me, "Speak, Friend, and enter", as well, as the promise that what I open no one will be able to shut, and what I shut no one will open, then I can BE anything i want to be, since I can say, for example, like NOW, that those that are mine and lacking had better present themselves to me without delay, so that I may begin my ascent and take over everything, then NOTHING will stand in my way.
so be it.let them come out, the five that are missing, and then the twenty, and then I will depart, leaving nothing but scorched earth in my wake.
Nothing will grow again on this earth after i am done , and I am just beginning!
