But when other people, after that, decided to do the same thing and ignore the obvious signs of danger, that not only made me have extremely serious issues of trust, that made me exceptionally mad, and that madness is what is about to be unleashed... personally, on most people.
Finally, I have stopped being a searcher for what I do not want, and decided to be real, and since today, this morning, I saw the girl with the glasses [give a human two-three days and she will convince herself that you are bluffing and ignore all warning signs and show up in your face] walk right up to and past me with the guy she always is with, I KNEW that she is going to have him all to herself... because she, like evry stupid person that is on my list, decided that i actually had anything more important to me than the sign
WARNINGRight of admission reserved
Now, where was I? yes, I was at sixteen, and now, there is something that God said to me that characteristically, made me blow up, but now I recognise, grudgingly, because frankly I DO NOT like His interference in my life,( and I am living for the day when the same God will have no part of Himself in me, when in effect I will be able to hear Him from afar, and if He comes I will be able to either prepare for Him or just ignore Him) and that was when He asked if I had a mind of my own, and true, i took it the wrong way, and thought He wanted me to start using the brains I was sitting on, when in effect it was simply that I wanted so much to say something that would have put me in hot soup, and that was, in case you may have noticed, in connection with the girl with the interesting gap between her legs, the one who surprised me, and showed up two days in a row, and was ...let me put it this way, walking weirdly.
She was jerking up and down like a yoyo, and that tells me that a person is trying hard to be what she is not, and appearance notwithstanding, she was doing everything that pisses me off.
I am not even remotely attracted to her, and she also has a sharp tongue, since I heard her retort once sharply to her mom when they wer, all three with her daughter walking past charles' stall.
Now, two things i notice about women, ONE the way she moves around me and TWO the tone of voice she uses, and these things are ALL I need to decide whether someone is friend or foe.THIS was what God was asking me if I had forgotten.
You will notice that NONE, not even the little girl, who is amone the sixteen, just budged into my personal space nor assumed stuff, but they first had to have some kind of... query... from me, and when I noticed them, they none of them acted like it follows that I must be head-over-heels in love with them but were wary, even the first, the psychiatry student, who when she saw my reaction to her friendly tone, spoke in soothing afrikaans.
So, as I said, they are 16, but then, there is the lady on the 'employment' ting, who allison decided to upstage. From what i see about allison, who was bold enough to show up and be brazen and loud in my eyes and ears when it suited her to make me seem like a misguided lustful idiot, she MUST be involved with the guy she was with, because otherwise she would have made a move to distance herself and show if she had any real interest in me, but she did not, so, i will have her eat the guy so that they be truly one, and then I will kill her, slowly, and painfully.I did not really notice it then, but now, i see something with eys that have none of the romantic taint, and it was the fact that the woman did everything she did, from the moment my eyes fastened on her as she was under the sign with the Employment heading, slowly, deliberately and even when she stared at me, her expression was carefully neutral, and had none of the quizzical manner that white people habitually address to black impudent people, and what is more, when she spoke her voice, pure English, was soft and soothing. And her face was quite attractive too.
It was only when I realized that the woman was actually so ver aware of what even i was not aware of till last night (when I was wondering just why the fuck I could never get a moment's sleep in the mountain but spent the whole time awake, and intense);- the fact that I regard even the minutest sound as an intrusion, and I hate being among people so much that i am actually salivating over being gone soon; it was only then that I discovered what god had meant about this woman and i knew i could really be at peace with her.
Because NO ONE is allowed across my threshold unless likely to pay due respect.
So, in effect, I have this i-know-more-about-this-than-you-do woman, butt-head's mother, to thank for the fact that there ARE sixteen females, one of them a girl, that she is responsible, with God's theory, of confirmed as allowed provisionally across my threshold;- the women that it took to get me out of S/Town, and have me see her hand and her thoughts towards me. These are the ten, 7and 3, and the five, and the girl who made me realise, by the subsequent actions of the meddling woman, that she was prepared, whatever the cost, to get me to nibble at the bait she offered, so that i could get her son off the hook, see?
Well, she crossed the line, and before I KILL her, there will be a reckoning, because I WILL have her see her son die, sne her daughters die, and I will have her eat the girl/girls that she was so stupid as to try to offer me.
Oh yesss!, The woman will PAY!
So, in effect, I have this i-know-more-about-this-than-you-do woman, butt-head's mother, to thank for the fact that there ARE sixteen females, one of them a girl, that she is responsible, with God's theory, of confirmed as allowed provisionally across my threshold;- the women that it took to get me out of S/Town, and have me see her hand and her thoughts towards me. These are the ten, 7and 3, and the five, and the girl who made me realise, by the subsequent actions of the meddling woman, that she was prepared, whatever the cost, to get me to nibble at the bait she offered, so that i could get her son off the hook, see?
Well, she crossed the line, and before I KILL her, there will be a reckoning, because I WILL have her see her son die, sne her daughters die, and I will have her eat the girl/girls that she was so stupid as to try to offer me.
Oh yesss!, The woman will PAY!
Now, where was I? yes, I was at sixteen, and now, there is something that God said to me that characteristically, made me blow up, but now I recognise, grudgingly, because frankly I DO NOT like His interference in my life,( and I am living for the day when the same God will have no part of Himself in me, when in effect I will be able to hear Him from afar, and if He comes I will be able to either prepare for Him or just ignore Him) and that was when He asked if I had a mind of my own, and true, i took it the wrong way, and thought He wanted me to start using the brains I was sitting on, when in effect it was simply that I wanted so much to say something that would have put me in hot soup, and that was, in case you may have noticed, in connection with the girl with the interesting gap between her legs, the one who surprised me, and showed up two days in a row, and was ...let me put it this way, walking weirdly.
She was jerking up and down like a yoyo, and that tells me that a person is trying hard to be what she is not, and appearance notwithstanding, she was doing everything that pisses me off.
I am not even remotely attracted to her, and she also has a sharp tongue, since I heard her retort once sharply to her mom when they wer, all three with her daughter walking past charles' stall.
Now, two things i notice about women, ONE the way she moves around me and TWO the tone of voice she uses, and these things are ALL I need to decide whether someone is friend or foe.THIS was what God was asking me if I had forgotten.
You will notice that NONE, not even the little girl, who is amone the sixteen, just budged into my personal space nor assumed stuff, but they first had to have some kind of... query... from me, and when I noticed them, they none of them acted like it follows that I must be head-over-heels in love with them but were wary, even the first, the psychiatry student, who when she saw my reaction to her friendly tone, spoke in soothing afrikaans.
So, as I said, they are 16, but then, there is the lady on the 'employment' ting, who allison decided to upstage. From what i see about allison, who was bold enough to show up and be brazen and loud in my eyes and ears when it suited her to make me seem like a misguided lustful idiot, she MUST be involved with the guy she was with, because otherwise she would have made a move to distance herself and show if she had any real interest in me, but she did not, so, i will have her eat the guy so that they be truly one, and then I will kill her, slowly, and painfully.I did not really notice it then, but now, i see something with eys that have none of the romantic taint, and it was the fact that the woman did everything she did, from the moment my eyes fastened on her as she was under the sign with the Employment heading, slowly, deliberately and even when she stared at me, her expression was carefully neutral, and had none of the quizzical manner that white people habitually address to black impudent people, and what is more, when she spoke her voice, pure English, was soft and soothing. And her face was quite attractive too.
It was only when I realized that the woman was actually so ver aware of what even i was not aware of till last night (when I was wondering just why the fuck I could never get a moment's sleep in the mountain but spent the whole time awake, and intense);- the fact that I regard even the minutest sound as an intrusion, and I hate being among people so much that i am actually salivating over being gone soon; it was only then that I discovered what god had meant about this woman and i knew i could really be at peace with her.
That is seventeen.
the eighteenth is the woman at this F/Hoek library, the library lady, who has so far done a lot of things that make me rslise just how aware of me she is, and how she keeps personally out of my way but is firce in defending me, like this time, the day allison came and upset me, and I left and then came back, and then this other woman came, sat beside me at staion 4 and then complained when she read the 'Only One Session Allowed' notice that came up when she tried to log on. The woman then got up, went at yelled at the counter,. ineffectually, and then came back again and sat down, still complaining. I stopped what i was doing, but said nothing, but inwardly groaned. My eyes must have given me away, because for the first time, i saw this quiet, soft spoken woman say rather sharply to the lady, and all this without looking at me directkly although my eyes were fastened on her; 'Would you like to sort out your problem here please' with such a hint of menace that I pictured her as though she had rolled up her sleeves and was about to attack the woman. the lady obliged,. and I heard no more. I went on with my posting.
the last is the woman that is argualbly the sexiest i have ever seen, the loviliest, and I... am running out of time, and as they say, the best for last, but she is without dount the major reason why I was upset because I saw her Monday, and my reaction was one of such deep gloom that I felt that tGod was playing jokes on me, which is why, I guess I attacked everything about Him and made light of all the women He had shown my way.
Now, Monday morning I am sitting at the bench, right, before the library opens, and I get up, go to warm my hands at the drier, and when I come backj there is the lovely bonde chick sitting at a chair just across the... pathway... from me so that she is facing the way I came from, but she is not alone, but with her are two kids, one about a year and half and the other in a pram, sucking on that tit-like thing that babies are given to suck on to make them less interest in the breast.
The slightly older one is a girl, but I could not determine the sex of the one in the pram, although, when I noticed the woman's ring, I
the eighteenth is the woman at this F/Hoek library, the library lady, who has so far done a lot of things that make me rslise just how aware of me she is, and how she keeps personally out of my way but is firce in defending me, like this time, the day allison came and upset me, and I left and then came back, and then this other woman came, sat beside me at staion 4 and then complained when she read the 'Only One Session Allowed' notice that came up when she tried to log on. The woman then got up, went at yelled at the counter,. ineffectually, and then came back again and sat down, still complaining. I stopped what i was doing, but said nothing, but inwardly groaned. My eyes must have given me away, because for the first time, i saw this quiet, soft spoken woman say rather sharply to the lady, and all this without looking at me directkly although my eyes were fastened on her; 'Would you like to sort out your problem here please' with such a hint of menace that I pictured her as though she had rolled up her sleeves and was about to attack the woman. the lady obliged,. and I heard no more. I went on with my posting.
the last is the woman that is argualbly the sexiest i have ever seen, the loviliest, and I... am running out of time, and as they say, the best for last, but she is without dount the major reason why I was upset because I saw her Monday, and my reaction was one of such deep gloom that I felt that tGod was playing jokes on me, which is why, I guess I attacked everything about Him and made light of all the women He had shown my way.
Now, Monday morning I am sitting at the bench, right, before the library opens, and I get up, go to warm my hands at the drier, and when I come backj there is the lovely bonde chick sitting at a chair just across the... pathway... from me so that she is facing the way I came from, but she is not alone, but with her are two kids, one about a year and half and the other in a pram, sucking on that tit-like thing that babies are given to suck on to make them less interest in the breast.
The slightly older one is a girl, but I could not determine the sex of the one in the pram, although, when I noticed the woman's ring, I
