it would have been nice if I could say, after all, that well, the visions I have had about certain women, all of them quite explicit or quite inescapably relevant, were false, and not from Him, but suddenly, after all i have tried to do has failed, I have come back to the grim, saddening realisty that it WAS, after all, God Himself that sent these things.
Understandably, I am NOT amused.
I said i had found for myself 19 women, and wanted no other, and was set to move on, when things all started going south. I had given the horse to some lady with a phone so that the other lady could call and collect it, and she sent a message she was sick and unable to come to F/Hoek, and I was like, OK, God WTF? Am I to starve here so You can prove Your point?
I do NOT want any of these women, any of the ones You seem to want me to take on so that I do not just kill off everyone, and so, just leave me alone, I have had my fill of women , for ever, and need no more, so THERE!
Anyway, I said, if You force these on me I will just kill them and abuse them, because i can not forget, and anyway, when there are so many women in the world, why should I bother with these ones that have already crossed the line?
You know i can not forget nor forgive, so why bother me with the people I have washed my hands of?
But, then, that is the problem;- I can NOT forget.
And I have this annoying habit of always wanting to get to the bottom of everything so I will, probably have to, like, face nicky? someday to see if it ever REALLY happened with her that she even contemplated ho0w difficulot it would be for her to 'take care' of me when she had already been just barely able to raise her daughter;- not that I need taking care of, it is just that is how it was reported to me.
And also the girl with the guy in Kalk Bay, did she really think those things I was told she does, or is it all a lie?
of course, my way of finding out is the... destructive kind, preferably over coals, a syringe or some kind of dentist's cahir, without the anaesthetic, of course, and then I will take everyone apart, and not bother putting them together again, see?
Anyway, the POINT is, God said things about things, and I said things to God about things, and I saw what I saw and I ended up with a whole lot of confusion, like, for example with nicky?
frankly, I hate her, for what she DID concerning me, and God says she is NOT really to blame, because, apparently things were put to her in such a way by michelle that she felt it her... duty... to intervene, see?
But I consider only what she DID, and that, as far as I am concerned, merits her death. NO extenuating circumstances permitted.
of course, if she was, for example to take her life into her own hands, and actualy separate herself from her brother 'tell them leave that man alone' and her mother, I might permit her to have some kind of life with me, but, as I pointed out earlier, I would always remember, and the ONLY other reason I would even let her near me would be if the sister with the nice ass was to come along.
the alternative is that I kill not only their brothers (who are dead anyway), but the mother as well, after letting the mother eat her granddaughters, of course.
Then I would have the problem of being around people who, even if they... OBEYED me, would always know that I PERSONALLY killed their brothers, but then, choice is, brothers, or mother and daughter(s).
they choose, see!
I do not particularly care; as I said, I have my fill of women, already.
then the kalk bay girl, the one about whom the ... bait... thing was spoken. Today I bumped into her, and she actually speaks with a sort of French acccent, and while that is in itself interest, because her spech is therefore not rough, again, the point is, woman, the time for option C is over. there is ioption A, you explain yourself to me at the edge of a sword, or Option B, you get yourself some distance from that guy, and then face me, because as far as i am concerned, two people, male and female, make a couple, and I like things to BE as they seem, not to have to wonder when I am not that interested, right?[which reminds me, I saw this other girl, who came, sat down near me at the table in the library on Monday two weeks ago, the day the asshole from S/Town came to the library, and as I asked her if she would read all the six or so books she had read, she said, no, not at once but in a week, then she leafed through one, and left. she had an ass like the frenchy-inkfish girl, and i was going to say something about HER when God did His 'do you have a mind of your own' thing, and I was stymied. But, IF I ever accept the inkfish girl, it would be with this one also, because I AM pissed off at her.]
because I am of the opinion that it would lessen my worries to just kill you, and have you have that guy for a meal anyway, so that ther willbe no more ambiguity, see?
Same goes for allison, but ONLY because I said something to God about her first, and she is the kind of person whose actions i have come to... despise, a lot. Waht conceit? She knew I had said something about her male comapnion and she had the gall to bring him to me!
These three women I actively, positively HATE:- nicky?, the inkfish girl, and allison.
but then,it gets queer, because Saturday i saw miss-I-know-it-all at the beach, with her son and some guy who seemed like he was being forced along against his will, and I wondered if I had actualy considered being involved with someone wlready involved with someone else, and also why God would have even allowed it to begin with, and the three came, sat near the 'stone' bench where I normally sit, and then walked past me while i ignored them. How they cane back I do not know, because I paid no attention to them. But it was only as i was walking away from the beach that I saw them again, the guy some distance off, the be-spectacled woman standing on her own, and the kid on some bench, and the two grown ups looking ill at ease, the male seeming to wish he was anywhere but where he was, and I chortled to myself that she had hooked an unwilling fish.
that was, of course, before i concentrated on the woman's legs, in those trouser-stocking things that promise that the real flesh is even thicker than the stockings thingies make them, and I wondered, why now, God? Fuck I do not NEED this appeal to my libido right now, I am thinking tunnel vision, thinking blood, not lust.
But, as i said, i can not forget, and i... intend to find out whats what, and kill her if possible for insulting me, or just take her along if she lets go the kid, becasue with me its all or nothing, all for me, or nothing at all.
then there is, in the same vein, the daughter /sister of that come-to-church woman, I am using stringman tactics here, but what the fuck! I liked the girl, and IF the woman had been readin my posts, and thus invited me to church because she thought she could get my mind sorted out right, she has another think coming, because I am not a negotiating type of person. She is unacceptable to me because of her facial hair, and she DID insult me by consistently bringing her son with her and THEN showing that she knew it mattered to me when she last appeared, so she KNEW what she was about and chose to ignore it, maybe because she felt she could get me to change and be what she wanted. Well, I will kill her, or take the girl, whom I liked and get going, sparing her and her kid's life.
then there is the girl with the interesting ... legs, well, toss the kid away, and i will accept you. NONE of the kid's welfare or welbeing is any of my concern, so, take it, or... well, join the league of the dead, because you HAVE shown that you tried to attract my attention.
Then there is the Latino, and my need for clarity, and trust me, I always wanted a latino, but did not want to have to go LOOKING for one, I prefer, I think, to groom my own women my own way, which is what i will do in the three years beginning now, and then go reap the rewards. I wanted a latino, I do NOT have one on my menu, so you are it, or we ask pertinent questions about why you showed up in my path.
same goes for the little one with the red cheeks
I would not have taken any of THESE women seriously BUT for the fact that, when all is said and done, they are 7 and 3, 7 women I am rather attracted to, and three I would like to kill on sight, and then the 'ths' thing, see?
Hence the superman cartoon.
Cape and Scowl
