Anyway, it got me to start thinking, and for the first time in a long time, I did not just go up the mountain straight away, but I lay down on the way, and got myself thoroughly depressed.
then I started yelling at God, and found out, after I had given myself a whole lot of satisfaction by letting some steam out, that I hated what was happening, and that being my mother's 'biblical' first born was NOT the most pressing thing that made me what I am. NO.
This then, is the time, people to REALLY discover who rules the roost, and find out what "Government Thor ;- Cape Flats" really means, because apparently I am NOT getting through to people, so, I will show them NOW, and then, if they STILL do not get it, my claws are coming out, big time.
I will start with how i perceive things, see?
I am TOTALLY incapable of having anything to do with... reasoning... with people, I have never been able to do that, and even NOW, where God, the only One Whos has ever captured my attention is concerned, the ONLY reason I even listen to Him is that He says things that happen, and He knows more about how people think than I do, but even He is aware and has been aware that the only ay to get me NOT to do as I am thinking is to plumb the depths and show me that the reason why I am out to do something is ultimately to harm myself.
Aside from that, I get to do what I want, and think as I feel, and I am NOT able to negotiate about it.
Fuck, this morning, I was upset that the girl I was out to ignore was hiding from me, and that she was NOT grasping that the reason why she was getting on my nerves was the guy she was walking with, and that me being in the mix when the two were together was actually making me REALLY pissed off, never mind that they may NOT be involved.
I am a jealous type of person, and what I ... like... I like to see isolated, without that thing being given shared by anyone else, no matter how seemingly innocuous the sharing.
But, that was NOT the only major upset.
As I took my daily route, a thing that had been bothering me suddenly made a lot of sense as I saw the girl with the... interesting legs... walk past, going in the opposite direction. She had her daughter with her, and finally it made sense;- she DOES stay in S/Town, at least I have seen the mother there, and she was coming to a local creche to drop her daughter off, right, before going to work?
But for the past 2 days she had timed it so that we would bumpm into each other, but today, apparently, it was kinda like;- "see what you like? now, about the terms and conditions"
But if you think THAT was weird, I got my mouth stuffed full of allison.
After I had gotten over my murderous rage, by conveniently walking away from the library while i was still able to, I could not helping seeing the funny side of it. The woman has brass balls, I think, and the fact that she decided she would walk right into my face when i was waiting for the library to open, and THEN come back WITH the guy she is always with, and act so indifferent to anything to do with me, and then have the gall to actually stand there in front of me, going over a selection of DVDs while I fumed, well, it WAS funny, given that this is the same woman who actually drove slowly past me and checked in her rear-view mirror to see whether I was angry with HER or not.
NO, today it was like the same deal, "do you see what you like?' Now, behave yourself and you can get a good deal here, kinda thing .
Unfortunately, the thing is, I AM going to kill people, and technically, I have no care how people FEEL about it, I just want what I want, and having some idiot female decide that she can then use her natural attributes to try to 'negotiate' a deal is likely to end up, and WILL end up, in the following statement from me;"You will do as I SAY...OR ELSE"
That being what I mean by terms and conditions.
Oh, I do not know what what else can be taken to mean;- I am leaving here with the people that I like, and everyone else is going to die, but, as I said, it can be an interesting way to die, that.
I could, for example, barbeque some of these people, and maybe exterminate an entire family, or probably take all those people that thes people are hiding behind and torture them BEFORE I kill them, or whatever... there are a lot of ways to actually define.. or else, and it does not worry me what people may FEEL about my methods, I mean, fuck, th one who can no live with it, dies, and that means one either toes MY line or incurs my wrath. I will NOT be told to do by mere humans if even God does NOT
... DARE...
do so.
Which brings me to a thorny issue here, that of butt-head's mom.
Thing is, she is a very interesting woman here, and of course, she was , and is, of the opinion that I MUST reason with her and thus trun from being so bloody-minded and let her kids free.
her kids are all going to die, but her, I like, for myself. She acted so well as she disagreed with me that I would like to have her around a bit... but, like everyone else, she moves out of my way, and does not think she or anyone esle is so... valuable that I will brook being told that i MUST do this and NOT that, well, it is time I suppose, that the simple truth was made plain to everyone.
I do not negotiate. I said that things will be like this, and my reason are NOT that I am a racist, but that just, when it comes right down to it, I am interested in women from other backgrounds than my own, and would collect such as are visually appealing to me.
even over their own objections.
I have used people, beforem, and what they thought about being used has never entered my mind. I have studdied them, found out what they thought about me, and since that dove-tailed with what I was after, at the moment, which was MY demise, I used it.
Same now. I want women who are, to put it bluntly, offering themselves to me, and the problem occurs if THOSE women then put an asterisk on themselves and raise their own 'worth' and think, OK, now that I have you, prince, where I want you, how about giving me some credit.
I will.
I will credit you with your own personal version of hell, and that by my own hands.
In fact, I am saying just now that, if I EVER, EVER see any of these women try, even slightly, to pressure me by making use of other people to get me to... behave... then those people will DIE, those that they are using, and they themselves will follow... shortly, or maybe, I will take my time, but their death will be a done deal. That is the kind of deal you get from the maverick, fools.
So, this is the way it will be.
I AM going to kill the fools who pissed me off, period, but I have selected for myself these people;-
the ten women... after the HU [heads up] from God.
the five women... ditto
the German girl
the kalk bay girl (on condition)
the lady at the library from the 'employment' thing
butt-head's mom (on condition that she walks away from her brood, and does NOT interfere)
allison ( on condition that there is NOTHING btwn her and the guy she walks around with, otherwise I am REALLY going to make her miserable)
the girl with the kid at the day care in Fish-Hoek (on condition that she does NOT try to find a surrogate father in me)
The latino chick (on condition that there is NOTHING betwen her and chinky boy, or, again, I will make her miserable)
the small one with her red cheeks and white skin ( same condition... since I am very jealous)
I think that it would be wiser for these people to give me a HU BEFORE I get pissed off and really enter berserker mode, because then, there is NO telling just how, harmful i can be.
I WILL kill people, that is for damn straight-certain, yesss!
