Death by Unnatural Causes

You would think that, after being very specific to a person about what would make my transtitory period less of a burden than it already is, she would at least not try to kick you in the face, but NO, I get the impression that putting me to public ridicule because the silly bitch cares nothing for how anyone else feels but how she, a mere thing whose world I am destroying from top to bottom just to show I can, thinks things ought to be and has no shame about it. I mean, i feel insulted that, because I ... eat... something, she thinks I am in a good mood, and so decides that she can show up and insult me further by showing up when that fucking porsche is parked just there and them assholes are eyeballing everything, and I am supposed to LIKE being taken for a fool.
fuck that, I am going to show you what you, if you had eyes ought to have observed a long time ago.
You scratch my back, I scratch yours, You piss in my face, I kick your teeth out, like I am about to do now. that dude of yours, is already dead, so maybe that will not surprise you, but more to the point, i am wiping out the entire bloodline, AND your kid also, and I start tomorrow.
And not only with you, but countrywide.
because I do not want ANYONE to think this is a natural thing, Oh, NO. Fuck, I need graphics here, Oh, YES!
If, from one end of this fucking country to another, it is possible for ANYONE who survives to plant anything or have something grow, then i am just an upstart and a pretender. This whole land, and everywhere else across the whole continent except in patches,  just so I do not totally wipe out every living thing, there will rain sodom and gomorrah part ii, and sulfur and brimstome will become a new age reality to you fools! Oh,yes, yes, YESSSS!
I was stunned and shocked to see the asshole come out, and people gather at doors to watch my reaction, to see what I would do, or what kind of a face i would pull, and i realised that being put in this sort of public display because of a silly bitch who only bothers about competition and does not even CARE about me, makes me the fool. I never came into your life to be a part of it, fuck I never came INTO your life, so, well, I will pull you OUT of it. Watch as everything around you melts away, and this i will do, because I will not go back on my word and kill you, much as i want to. No, i have something else in mind for you. I will take you and put you in a dry place, miles away from anyone, and leave you there, to make for yourself a life. You will hunger and thirst, and know how it feels to be an object of scorn, you silly fool.
you dare take bits and pieces that you like, and ignore everything about me? i told you what I am, and if, as i suspect, your eyes are glued to the cameras everytime i am around, then you ought to have seen what happened today, and that ought to have enlightened, you, as both vinnie and that woman shirley touched my skin and were shocked at how... cold... it is. Why would i lie about anything? to impress you? think all this is a fucking game? I have retrained myself , building castles in the air, and thinking i could be happy with someone when i am myself, and you spit in my face even when i tell you to have the decency to just leave me be while i organise my own way out? like you think you, like that silly michelle pereira, was put in my life to 'stop me in my tracks' and show me the right way to go? Fuck do you , you, a person that has absolutely no ... brain... to begin with, get off trying to take me for a low down fool, you stupid selfish bitch?
i used to get angry, and even make it rain on myself, but, believe it or not, YOUR contempt of me made me have a shred of dignity for myself, and i stopped it, with a conscious effort, because i was tired of making myself a fool and achieving nothing. BUT NOW, now you will see the full fury of the God Of War unleashed in your miserable face, and learn the truth about WHO the fuck you have been messing with, you ... cunt!  OK, so I am a bit hasty there, a bit, about killing off the entire continent, but, ah, fuck, i am out to MAKE a statement here, and i will NOT destroy the whole ... ah, fuck, why NOT? you might actually think I care and confuse my hatred of God with compassion. Ha, I would have done  anything in my power NOT to get to this stage, but, fuck, I have realised that where I am concerned, if I lay down, then everyone will take advantage of me. I mean, I tell people NOT to come my way, and they do, like that guy in khaki pants and blue shirt, or goatface, because they are all betting that the idiot child has had a belly full, so he is now no threat, but let us just see, so, draw straws and see who goes first. You? Good luck, and try to just walk right past him, in his face, and then walk back again like you have forgotten something, and let us zoom in on station two to see what he is like, and you, the apple of his eye, get ready to walk out, and dress well, uh, yes, he seems to like you better when dressed and drop that black, it irritates him, and show some lovely leg. yes, wait till vinnie is there so that he can try to egg him on and he can stop pretending that he is something and bend and run after you, OK? Good, One two three, GO!You are all so dead!
ha ha!

Said them are go dis who
said them are go dis ... ME?

I mean, what the fuck do you take ME for, woman? that I got to this stage without knowing WHAT I am capable of? What I can DO? think all these things you want to reduce me to actually mean anything to ME? Like I care about money when I can do everything i want and reduce everything to smouldering cinders and do things that no one ever thought a person could do? Why do you despise me so much that you do these things to me? Fuck, you have no idea that, as I stand, the ONLY thing that stops me from totally leveling everything this INSTANT is the fact that I would NEVER do anything for God, nor would I be forced into a corner simply because I am so mad that I must react to something, like everyone seems to be expecting.

You know, you could reject me, instead of playing fucking games with me, and i would be free of you, because the one thing I never thought... possible... was the look such as I see in your eyes, but you are so... maddening... at the same time, because you do not get it that your concerns mean NOTHING to me. You are making a fool of me, and i hate that, big time. I told you to come out of that situation, because it does not sit well with me, and you will not listen, and yet you stray into my path like i am meant to be amused when you ignore me and the things that bother me and still want me to be involved in your petty issues. is it because all you assholes saw me talking to junior and assumed that, because I was cracking jokes with him, then everyone else is safe? Fuck, i told you i liked the guy, and i will not kill him, because it is YOU, who does not listen to ME to stop making me mad by your actions or your ambivalence that ought to have the decency to just make up your fucking mind, or i will snap and destroy everything around you like ... THAT!
Stay the fuck out of my way if you care nothing about me, or come out if you do, but do not make me a conquest, because i know ways to hurt people that even you, with your sheltered life would not even imagine. I have been there, seen my 'limits' from long ago, and trust me, the reason i am so cocky even when i have nothing, and am nothing even by YOUR standards, is because i know what I am. get wise, fool. This time i am backing down, and refining MY methods, and focusing on  the long term goals, and weighing everything in the balance, and factoring in everything. But do not push me again.Oh, no, do not, because I know the pressure points. I know everything about how to make you squirm and pay, but I do not want to hurt you. No. I do not want to see you in any unnecessary pain. That does NOT mean I will NOT cause you pain, if you continue causing ME pain. But you MUST stop this.
i am not some silly fool you can toy with. I am the greatest thing you will ever see. So, do not make me the last thing you ever see. Ok? it is not a crime that i love you, and if my terms and conditions are NOT acceptable to you, then just walk away, while you are still able to, while i still ... let you.
like the frost giant said, "You do not know what your actions may unleash. I do", but then I am NOT a loser who speaks of what he does no know. you think I would take on everyone and everything collectively if i had NO idea just what I can do to opposition? ha? Do you think, if i was bloodyminded enough, i would turn a blind eye to some of the things that happen around me and just walk away sometimes, or i would try to show my capabilities every chance i could? I have nothing to prove to you, nothing. I thought, at one time, I could include you with other women, and thought that would flatter you, but i grasped that i wanted you for myself, and would not share you with anyone, not under any circumstances. Now, you cleave to that asshole because you are worried about looking after the child alone if i kill him, and so you try to broker an ... understanding between me and him to let him live so he can look after your child. I say he is dead, and you can join him if your child matters that much more to you than I do, and I will not budge there, because if all you saw in me from the beginning was someone that deserved to look after your child with you, in some love triangle, then I never mattered to you to begin with.
your child stays out of the picture. the guy dies, your child lives, and you come with me. That is the best i can do. But to be... included... in that rubbish, woman, is very insulting, so, open those lovely blue eyes of yours and face reality, or I am going to be forces to... act.
And this time, with everything happening, I am NOT taking my words back.
And ALL i have to do is... speak... and things happen, or more to the point, since I do not want to limit myself to the internet, ... THINK... and things happen.
And I think you ought to get the picture by now.

I have no worries about life, no need to back down on ANYTHING because nothing anyone can do can ever reach me, and that makes me not only unharmable, but also,l because i literally have the power to to exactly as I please, then I am a majority even in my singularity, and all your puny powers and forces are nothing to me.

Fuck, i had imposed on MYSELF a block so that I do not harm anyone, physically. think about it. The way I can hit stone and walls and posts and have the later shake and tremble, if i hit a person like that, would that person stand, and live? yet i have been in many fights, and bear the scars, not because i wanted to hurt people, but because i was trying to use people to get myself dead. And I did not succeed. That, the self-block, was THEN. Now, I am unfetterd in my unnatural power and unnatural rage, and suppose that now, if anyone were to really cross me, and I did not know how to curb my anger and walk away, would that person survive?
do not push me. I hate being pushed. i know i sound and act like a person who has NO self control, but that is because you have no idea what i labour continually to stop from breaking out and undermining all my plans.
I like words. they get to the point without bloodshed. And I try to avoid bloodshed as much as possible, because there are things worth not lashing out for.
Stop taking me for a kid, Ok, and get the picture. Fuck, I would say that your opinion of me matters a whole lot more than that of anyone else, which is why i am not reacting like a person you make and keep making, a public fool. It still hurts, but fuck, i wonder sometimes if all that is standing in the way of me and you having anything like afuture together is a lack of understanding on your part. Or better yet, appreciation. Of course you would want me to be civil and try to get along with everyone, but that is something i despise. First, learn to accept me, because, like it or not, I am NOT a mistake being what i am. Do not come with a blueprint of what you would like me to be. Accept what you see, and stop trying to change the One that comes from the land of stone, the hard rock whose only ability is to smash things to a pulp and make something different.
this is what I am. Accept it, or reject it, but you can not change it.Do not try. Because that is insulting.
Are you greater than God who saw me as I am, and said, "Be Yourself", and even, as i have been laughing at myself for romanticising what He was plain about, "Tell them the source of the cloud that  does not bear water", which meant, tell them the reason why you do not act, when i had asked Him why I was still... here. I know why i am not doing anything, and that must not make me seem to be a little fool that needs domestication. Dont feel pity for me, or try to take advantage of thh fact that I used women before you to try to make my mother angry, and so have you think you also qualify. I am done making a fool of myself for anyone's else's pain, because i will not abase myself for anyone. I have let my mother down, and do not want to be used by any woman in that way. So, stop even thinking along those lines. treat me as you would want to be treated, with no baggage and no extras, because if it hurt you so much that I looked at other women, and you followed me all over and stared at me like that, like i was not seeing what was before my very eyes, then why do you want me  to take on YOUR burdens. Would it please you to have me unhappy while you are gloating? Is that the kind of blissful future you have been building in your little mind with me? or do you think that I, who had ample opportunities both here and at home before I came here, want a life in this country and am just fooling around till I get it? When will you stop taking what you think makes you happy and ignoring the rest of what makes me ME? have you not heard, even though christ trued to coin this for himself, "the stone the builders rejected has become the chief cornerstone?" you actually think, all these times, that me and God have had an understanding, but you, who are in south africa, and surely ought to know all about the connotations of the addresses people use for each other; when has a person ever addressed his friend by saying "Speak, friend, and enter?" No one calls his friend "friend' to his face. That must tell you that me and God only have a common goal, but nothing about Him, or about me, suggests that we actually are acting in harmony. I hate God. Period. you can not understand that, maybe, but that is it. If you do NOT factor that in your plans, though, you make a big mistake. Because the One in charge is NOT a fan of God. And I resent appeals to God. When was the last time in the past few days I even spoke directly to god, or spoke of speaking directly to Him. read back. Dont you think it is time you saw the gradual, big change that is occuring here?
matter of fact, i think, on sunday or monday, must have been sunday, after i had gone and slept on the lawn by the parking lot, I came back, and there was this guy  that i started talking to after ignoring tony who was, as is usual among his silly kind, badmouthing vinnie. he asked me FYI what was bothering me because he saw i was troubled, and I tried to explain to him the God angle,and why I ... do not care. And he got to the core of the problem, asked me why i do not even want to live and i told him about my mother, and what she had done to me as  kid, and then, he asked me further if, at any one time, i had tried to listen to this 'voice' that was telling me these things and try to find out what it wanted, and i said I had tried to do as i thought Gid wanted from me and he had seemingly rejected me, in that way, and said, as i was at church, " I have claimed you for Myself", and I had quit going to church soon after.
then he asked me if I had tried to ever find out what He really wanted, and i said that I did, and found out long ago, but I did not want to do it, because I did not want to be in the limelight, but I was finding it difficult to remain as i was because, if I tried to do not do things because other people would be hurt, i was hurting myself. Then he gave me a word of advice, and pointed out that i would never be happy if i did not please myself first, but always tried to please others. I saw the sense of that, even if i warned him that what I would do would cause untold grief worldwide, and no one would like it.
I am not happy. I just want to die, but even if I did not, i can NOT fit into your world, and fuck it, I have the ability to change things so that the pain is less, so that everyone left alive sees what is so wrong that they must correct it, and well, it has come to a point where I can not sit back and take the pain. I MUST act. Whether you are with me or not. It is MY pain, something i can not share with you or with anyone, but something I feel.
And I must act now.

And act alone. For in THIS I am alone. It would be nice if you were there, but I am not stopping for you, either.