I am NOT talking about when jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of the fish, but when he sat to see the destruction of the entire city of nineveh under a booth and God made a plant rise up, which gave him comfort and then, later, caused a worm to eat it and it died.
jonah was angry and God asked if the guy did right to be angry for the death of a plant when in effect he did not cause it to come up, and if he was unhappy about THAT plant, how much more should he feel for people who knew not their right hand from their left, and also plenty of cattle? what the guy had was unreasoning jealousy, that God was supposed to be his people's only, and must be kept in a bottle, and he did NOT give to Him the glory due to Him.
And it is this same 'box' mentality that i am personally fighting at present.
ok, i figured out that if i kill these guys, even junior, whom i really like, then I am branding this chick a harlot, and maybe she will take it that I am excessively jealous.
but you should see what SHE does when she feels her position threatened, and i even look at another woman. her claws come out. fuck, the woman ignored me totally when i was sitting there, thinking, the other day, but the moment i even stared at this chick with glasses, and kept on looking, man, she was out like a blast. And i did not even see her come out. Vinnie told me later she had come out, I only saw her come back, from mike's business. Or the issue with the hair thing when it comes to the short and dumpy co-worker. Man! or when it comes to that xhosa girl who used to come and we flirted, and stuff, and i even patted her ass sometimes. fuck, i remember vividly when she was walking past the gallery entrance the other day, and i had decided to ignore the apple chick, and some guy I was sitting with pointed out the xhosa chick to me, and i was looking her way, and immediately, with a set face, the apple chick was out, and of course, i looked, and kept looking at her.
but she does not get the POINT that just as it irritates her that I USED to walk and talk to some girls, i have stopped and am making a public and common fool of myself by focusing on her, and she thinks that i am ... unreasonable... when I say I do NOT like it that she is STILL involved with that GUY, regardless of her calling it business only, or even a paternity issue. I HATE it, and it is time she just acknowledged that if it bothers her SO much that i look at other women, or used to, then I have every right to be unhappy at her unclear associations.
i mean, the asshole was right there, in my face, and drove right up and parked right in my face as i walked back from the library, and at that moment, i could have grasped the chance and ended everything, but I did NOT, not because i am a coward, because hell, I am every ready for anything, but because, for the first time in my life, I have something to lose, and it pissed me off so much, that thought of me in such an unnatural situation, especially when brett's cousin showed up with her kid after the asshole had left, and I was standing with my back to that irritating building, that i gave the whole building the finger. And funny thing, out came red-breeches, and then even that michaela chick, and i was left wondering what part of 'I have made up my mind' them fools can NOT hear!
I mean, I am in love here, so back off or i will forget that I am trying to remain civil and KILL all of you that keep pestering me, OK!
I had run fresh out of ideas of what to SAY or even DO to get through to this woman, because it is SO irritating that she looks at things from her side only and takes it like it is OK for her to act as she does simply because i may be some low down piece of shit that she can disregard and keep thinking everything will be fine, or God will change my truculent behaviour and cause me to be NICE. Is she nice when she is jealous, is she happy about it when she bothers herself because I am not looking at her? Then how the fuck does she think I feel when she is using such a distorted balance and i am left looking like some fool? Fuck it, i have my PRIDE and that does not seem to sink into her that it is AN INSULT for her, a woman, to try to dictate terms to one who will, in a few days, wipe out- FUCK, does she want to argue about THAT?- most of the face of the world, and still try to put me in a fucking box like, "oh, I am not impressed by what you just wrote, better learn manners and i will look twice at you"< and she shows up in that horrid black dressing of hers, and I KNOW that anyone who wants to is left in no doubt about what she looks like, and I am supposed to LIKE that! fucking hell, NO, I .... HAAAAAA!
When the fuck does she get off her high horse, and just open those blasted eyes of hers and stop pissing me off with her silly ways, the ... idiot!
fuck it, I HATE being in such a situation, and I fucking will NOT tolerate this anymore,
fuck, i may just kill her myself.
yeah, i know how this will go. I do that and she is all soulful, and looks at me with those sad eyes like she can not figure out what she is doing wrong, and yet its THERE. If it happened to YOU, how would you feel! ha, so how do you think I feel you fool!
you make me so mad i want to just dump you and walk away, but....
the silly fool obviously thrusts all my words away from her, and she is not helped by that interfering mother of hers, who thinks i am some little child that does not have a plan and must be led into the proper path. Fuck, i do not NEED money from anyone to look after the woman, i will TAKE OVER everything and choose what i want, the best of everything, and will thrust those who think they are something down to the depths, because I CAN, and do not respect either YOUR laws or God's laws, so wise up to that, fools, while I am still in a good mood, because I HATE being taken for a fool for any longer. FUCK this!
I am thinking of killing that asshole mike anyway, just to vent my frustration on something, if this situation is NOT remedied, and I tell you, paternity will be the least of his worries. Fuck, I have endured more of that asshole than I can stand and I will NOT take in any more, not for anyone, because if THIS, which to me is a BIG, BIG, HUGE concession, me, the lord of the earth, PLEADING with some ... woman, does not get through, then i am casting all caution to the wind, and will take matters into my own hands, because i am fucking fed up with saying the SAME thing fucking a million times and being mocked by you fools on a false ledge. You think I will be happy if I made money? then fuck you, i am making money something that you will not even think of in the next days, because your whole economies will collapse, and no trade as you know it will remain , and your stock exchanges will collapse, and you will have to start from the bottom, fools. She came out with a coffee cup the other time because she wanted to show me that it was HER that had a kid, the fool, as if i am supposed to find THAT amusing that she looks at me and wants me, the KING of the EARTH, to be involved in the after effects of her tumble in the hay with that asshole! Fuck do you take me for, you silly woman? some hick from some backward place? Fuck, let us go pound for pound in terms of knowledge, in terms of ... ANYTHING... and see just how slow i am in anything! or how much you have to teach me! Fuck, I can never learn ANYTHING from anyone, because I REJECT those basic blocks you fools use as your foundations, and five minutes into any lesson you think you can teach me, I will be correcting you. So, STOP looking down on me, fool, because I am getting rather fed up with this.
jonah was angry and God asked if the guy did right to be angry for the death of a plant when in effect he did not cause it to come up, and if he was unhappy about THAT plant, how much more should he feel for people who knew not their right hand from their left, and also plenty of cattle? what the guy had was unreasoning jealousy, that God was supposed to be his people's only, and must be kept in a bottle, and he did NOT give to Him the glory due to Him.
ok, i figured out that if i kill these guys, even junior, whom i really like, then I am branding this chick a harlot, and maybe she will take it that I am excessively jealous.
but you should see what SHE does when she feels her position threatened, and i even look at another woman. her claws come out. fuck, the woman ignored me totally when i was sitting there, thinking, the other day, but the moment i even stared at this chick with glasses, and kept on looking, man, she was out like a blast. And i did not even see her come out. Vinnie told me later she had come out, I only saw her come back, from mike's business. Or the issue with the hair thing when it comes to the short and dumpy co-worker. Man! or when it comes to that xhosa girl who used to come and we flirted, and stuff, and i even patted her ass sometimes. fuck, i remember vividly when she was walking past the gallery entrance the other day, and i had decided to ignore the apple chick, and some guy I was sitting with pointed out the xhosa chick to me, and i was looking her way, and immediately, with a set face, the apple chick was out, and of course, i looked, and kept looking at her.
but she does not get the POINT that just as it irritates her that I USED to walk and talk to some girls, i have stopped and am making a public and common fool of myself by focusing on her, and she thinks that i am ... unreasonable... when I say I do NOT like it that she is STILL involved with that GUY, regardless of her calling it business only, or even a paternity issue. I HATE it, and it is time she just acknowledged that if it bothers her SO much that i look at other women, or used to, then I have every right to be unhappy at her unclear associations.
i mean, the asshole was right there, in my face, and drove right up and parked right in my face as i walked back from the library, and at that moment, i could have grasped the chance and ended everything, but I did NOT, not because i am a coward, because hell, I am every ready for anything, but because, for the first time in my life, I have something to lose, and it pissed me off so much, that thought of me in such an unnatural situation, especially when brett's cousin showed up with her kid after the asshole had left, and I was standing with my back to that irritating building, that i gave the whole building the finger. And funny thing, out came red-breeches, and then even that michaela chick, and i was left wondering what part of 'I have made up my mind' them fools can NOT hear!
I mean, I am in love here, so back off or i will forget that I am trying to remain civil and KILL all of you that keep pestering me, OK!
I had run fresh out of ideas of what to SAY or even DO to get through to this woman, because it is SO irritating that she looks at things from her side only and takes it like it is OK for her to act as she does simply because i may be some low down piece of shit that she can disregard and keep thinking everything will be fine, or God will change my truculent behaviour and cause me to be NICE. Is she nice when she is jealous, is she happy about it when she bothers herself because I am not looking at her? Then how the fuck does she think I feel when she is using such a distorted balance and i am left looking like some fool? Fuck it, i have my PRIDE and that does not seem to sink into her that it is AN INSULT for her, a woman, to try to dictate terms to one who will, in a few days, wipe out- FUCK, does she want to argue about THAT?- most of the face of the world, and still try to put me in a fucking box like, "oh, I am not impressed by what you just wrote, better learn manners and i will look twice at you"< and she shows up in that horrid black dressing of hers, and I KNOW that anyone who wants to is left in no doubt about what she looks like, and I am supposed to LIKE that! fucking hell, NO, I .... HAAAAAA!
When the fuck does she get off her high horse, and just open those blasted eyes of hers and stop pissing me off with her silly ways, the ... idiot!
fuck it, I HATE being in such a situation, and I fucking will NOT tolerate this anymore,
fuck, i may just kill her myself.
yeah, i know how this will go. I do that and she is all soulful, and looks at me with those sad eyes like she can not figure out what she is doing wrong, and yet its THERE. If it happened to YOU, how would you feel! ha, so how do you think I feel you fool!
you make me so mad i want to just dump you and walk away, but....
I hate that i love you so
but i just cant let you go...
but i just cant let you go...
I am thinking of killing that asshole mike anyway, just to vent my frustration on something, if this situation is NOT remedied, and I tell you, paternity will be the least of his worries. Fuck, I have endured more of that asshole than I can stand and I will NOT take in any more, not for anyone, because if THIS, which to me is a BIG, BIG, HUGE concession, me, the lord of the earth, PLEADING with some ... woman, does not get through, then i am casting all caution to the wind, and will take matters into my own hands, because i am fucking fed up with saying the SAME thing fucking a million times and being mocked by you fools on a false ledge. You think I will be happy if I made money? then fuck you, i am making money something that you will not even think of in the next days, because your whole economies will collapse, and no trade as you know it will remain , and your stock exchanges will collapse, and you will have to start from the bottom, fools. She came out with a coffee cup the other time because she wanted to show me that it was HER that had a kid, the fool, as if i am supposed to find THAT amusing that she looks at me and wants me, the KING of the EARTH, to be involved in the after effects of her tumble in the hay with that asshole! Fuck do you take me for, you silly woman? some hick from some backward place? Fuck, let us go pound for pound in terms of knowledge, in terms of ... ANYTHING... and see just how slow i am in anything! or how much you have to teach me! Fuck, I can never learn ANYTHING from anyone, because I REJECT those basic blocks you fools use as your foundations, and five minutes into any lesson you think you can teach me, I will be correcting you. So, STOP looking down on me, fool, because I am getting rather fed up with this.
every hour of everyday i'm learning more
the more i learn the less I know about before
the less i know the more I wanna look around
digging deep for who's on higher ground!
Fuck, I see it in your eyes, the pleading for forgiveness, as you understand, it, why, oh why cant I just let things go and be at peace with people. because then I would have to be dumb, deaf, blind, and ignore what God has done to me, just so that I can AVOID that. I say it again, one more time, I do NOT want to be alive, if i could pull the plug so that i could just cease to be and not have to confront anyone, then I would do it, but there are some things that no amount of tolerance will ever eradicate. Look at my own people, the zimbabweans that you all south africans look down on, whether black or white. Why are we even here? Me, i do not care, but my fellow zimbabweans are here because the thing you call an economy collapsed, because some bigwigs in some office decided that in order for the country to be competitive, then an economic reform programme had to be enacted, and then, since the president would not allow the white people to keep on exploiting the blacks by denying them land, then they decided on economic sanctions that did NOTHING to the governement people but threw lives into disarray everywhere, and caused 'working for a living' to become just a joke, because the salary was less than the RATE of things going up, simply because someone thought it should be like that. Imagine a man like vinnie's father, who worked years for a white farmer who even now has loads of land even here in south africa, and a big dairy thing going, coming out of all that labour with a bicycle, while the guy had holidays overseas, and we are living in a world that goes by the so-called things like democracy, which are made up words, and no one even accepts that "in the beginning God created heaven and earth".Fuck, if He made everything in the beginning, then, before ANYTHING else can be sorted about who goes where and what, the FIRST thing is to go back to the beginning,. and so, whatever world order that is created comes out, with everything in its proper place. THIS is the reason why everything which stands in my way gets thrown out, and I establish things as they should be, otherwise, NOTHING will make sense to me, and I like things making sense. So, you will die, fools, and mourn, and I will act as I see fit till i get to the roots, and uproot what is not true, so that i can see where we all are, and then leave. I hope that makes some sense, even if you do not agree with things.
However, for my people whose lives are ever threatened, i will make sure that the ... balance of power... shifts, and see what happens when the majority are zimbabweans in south africa, and how you will like it when sheep outnumber wolves, and start rolling their sleeves up. of course, those elsewhere will have to just... die, if they are in the UK, because I , as I said, do NOT care. REALLY. Try me, and see!
the more i learn the less I know about before
the less i know the more I wanna look around
digging deep for who's on higher ground!
Of course, I am NOT fair. I will kill that rasta guy anyway, because he laughed at me, and I hate being laughed at, but the rest who , after everything, started trembling, I will spare. Provided they keep out of my sight. It will not be for long anyway, but of course, if she dumps me this time, I will kill all of them anyway, and I ESPECIALLY want to see the naked fear in mike's eyes, as i rip out his heart with my bare hands, or pummel his arrogant face to a pulp. It is just that when i saw brett's cousin, and the way she and abisha were going on about the daughter, I was left unable to carry out most of my threat of destroying everyone. I have NOT changed, or reformed, - I wonder if people can actually GRASP that simple truth, that i just do not care, I dont CARE about your miserable lives- I just remembered the mix of fear and... hope... that was in brett's eyes after that sermon of his, as he asked me if it made sense, and I could not carry out my threat , or even do that to vinnie's pastor. Because, well, i detect the real emotions people show underneath, and these are easily seen when a person sees that you are not acting as he/she thought you would. You people lie, and pretend, and the only way that i ever get to see what is going on with you is that corner of the eye thing, a sudden movement to hide the tension, a needless act or something, and these speak volumes. Me, I just do not care, and that means that whenever I react to something, your assumptions as to WHY i am reacting will always be wrong, which is why I take time to EXPLAIN stuff. And you do not listen, because you seemingly can not get past the fact that i am NOT like you. I have nothing to look forward to, nothing to fear, because i have faced everything and fashioned my own personality, which is that of a person with an accelerated learning curve, but ONLY in areas of my own interest, but basically I do NOT care, I wonder if you can grasp the fact that the course of your lives will be dictated to by someone who is trying TWO things at once, to break free of the expectations of a person who is involved with God as well as to break free from YOUR customs.And whatever stands in the way gets destroyed.
Fuck, I see it in your eyes, the pleading for forgiveness, as you understand, it, why, oh why cant I just let things go and be at peace with people. because then I would have to be dumb, deaf, blind, and ignore what God has done to me, just so that I can AVOID that. I say it again, one more time, I do NOT want to be alive, if i could pull the plug so that i could just cease to be and not have to confront anyone, then I would do it, but there are some things that no amount of tolerance will ever eradicate. Look at my own people, the zimbabweans that you all south africans look down on, whether black or white. Why are we even here? Me, i do not care, but my fellow zimbabweans are here because the thing you call an economy collapsed, because some bigwigs in some office decided that in order for the country to be competitive, then an economic reform programme had to be enacted, and then, since the president would not allow the white people to keep on exploiting the blacks by denying them land, then they decided on economic sanctions that did NOTHING to the governement people but threw lives into disarray everywhere, and caused 'working for a living' to become just a joke, because the salary was less than the RATE of things going up, simply because someone thought it should be like that. Imagine a man like vinnie's father, who worked years for a white farmer who even now has loads of land even here in south africa, and a big dairy thing going, coming out of all that labour with a bicycle, while the guy had holidays overseas, and we are living in a world that goes by the so-called things like democracy, which are made up words, and no one even accepts that "in the beginning God created heaven and earth".Fuck, if He made everything in the beginning, then, before ANYTHING else can be sorted about who goes where and what, the FIRST thing is to go back to the beginning,. and so, whatever world order that is created comes out, with everything in its proper place. THIS is the reason why everything which stands in my way gets thrown out, and I establish things as they should be, otherwise, NOTHING will make sense to me, and I like things making sense. So, you will die, fools, and mourn, and I will act as I see fit till i get to the roots, and uproot what is not true, so that i can see where we all are, and then leave. I hope that makes some sense, even if you do not agree with things.
However, for my people whose lives are ever threatened, i will make sure that the ... balance of power... shifts, and see what happens when the majority are zimbabweans in south africa, and how you will like it when sheep outnumber wolves, and start rolling their sleeves up. of course, those elsewhere will have to just... die, if they are in the UK, because I , as I said, do NOT care. REALLY. Try me, and see!
