Now, I am in a rather delicate position, here, and I would like to make everything plain so that, when,tomorrow, things start happening, no one actually blames me for obfuscating the cause and effect sequence, because i am faced with a kind of ... death... scenario that i never foresaw and which I can not avoid.
Now, i have to do my thing and get on the fucking plane and be gone, but because I have a rather thin skin, and I HATE being embarrassed, and having people laugh at me behind y back, I am going to have to remove all sorts of potential embarrassments, like um, this is rather difficult, but fuck, I never thought things this far. Now, those women who made eyes at me, and whom I rejected, are of course, all dead, and I have no compunction, nor regrets about that. Thing which bothers me is this, if THIS woman who is being invisible, keeps on being invisible, I have a deadline to meet, and I am going to be forced to, uh, kill her, so that no one laughs at me as i have become aware they are doing. And those that laugh, of course, but well, I can not endure being an object of scorn, especially as, from MY point of view, i NEVER actually tried to force anyone into my path. So, that is that, i guess. I suppose the thing anyone should have thought first before getting entangled with me is this, despite appearances, despite how low down I look, I am The Man, and that means, everyone gets to reap what they sow, and so, if it was a lark to them, its, sad to say, NOT a game anymore, and the point that I have come to is the bloodshed moment.
I suppose I should have said that at the beginning, but of course, no one would have paid any attention anyway, so, fuck, that is what is gonna be!
Dead End!
I mean, lets be honest here,every fucking one has looked down on me, and tried to change me, and tried to wear me down, and i used to endure that, because I had no fixed plan, the coherence that was missing inside till now was the reason i just stumbled along, but now, i have reached a point where there is absolutely NO appeal, from anyone whatsoever, as I cast off the mask and start my war.
i mean, I have a fierce hatred of any kind of restriction imposed by people, on me, whether directly or as a result of customs, and what pleases me is to knock all those restraints off from their pedestals, and not necessarily to start something new, but rather, just to let what is left, and can withstand the blast, just remain because it was real, not because I had to dance around it. Fuck, someone tells me that I can NOT do something, then I suddenly find that I HAVE to do it just to see what was so fucking special about it. Which is why I specialise in the difficult and incredible, and then, like is about to happen NOW, the impossible.
YEAH-SS!
Where do you get off looking at your fucking rights and acknowledge that I do NOT GIVE a FUCK, and I do not SEE anyone as having ANY rights as far as I am concerned, asshole!
I am neither father christmas nor any kind of saviour. I do not give a fuck, and what I allow to remain alive remains alive because it pleases me, not because I owe anyone anything. Look at it from achmed the dead terrorist's point of view, "I am dead, what do i care?"[]. Well, since, technically NO ONE can do ANYTHING to me, and I do not regard anyone or their dogs as meaning anything to me, I am in quite the same category, Fuck, who cares what anyone of you assholes cares about!
Why the fuck NOT> I will just call it my masquerade. just to show how such I HATE this shit,and hate everyone also.
And that will be the LEAST of what I will do. I am going to, as I say, make my mark on this land, because i could have done a lot of things earlier than this, but the woman decided to ape me, and to put me as her sort of equal, like, Oh, fine, I see you drinking something, and ...fuck, I had to do something, so I shaved my beard the time butthead ii was standing right in front of me, and so i had to take off my shirt, and maybe she thought that,because i had said something about how it galled me that she exposed herself, so I was on a revenge thing, and she, after i walked away with a quart, and tried to gulp it all down,to try to get drunk, showed up, was pointed out to me by vinnie, holding up some kind of plastic bottle, and gulping it down, and OK, I figured out that she was somehow pissed off with me, which was rather good, of course, but i was NOT trying to show myself off or something like that. I HATE my situation, and being oggled like some dinner , or something that refuses to die by a crew of vultures, which flap their wings and run off whenever i show signs of life, but draw closer when there is stillness, like i am ... dinner.
fuck it, i have NO funny bone, not really, not when you get down to it, and so, what I say, I WILL do, and that, basically, to me, is IT! I make no excuses for that!
All this could really,have ended much sooner than it has, i suppose, but well, not really, because it will end when it ends, which makes it all seem rather funny, because this woman has been really, really quite obvious about stuff, and i suppose that the reason why she does not show up, or did not show up the whole of today was that she expected me to mellow up, and sort of become human again, and let things go. Ah, remember the fact that I said i would get well 'when the crocodile eats the sun?' Ah, the point is, just by being alive, I am the focal point of every sort of attack you can and can not imagine, because i am a threat to all of them, so, I HAVE to do this so that I am no longer dis-eased, but can be 'eased', if you get it. This is personal, in a way, because my cough is getting worse, and my indifference to things is not stretching THAT far. I have to deal with this, NOW, and that means, I have to fight, and become me against the world, and all that is in it. Just to survive.
I suppose I should have said that at the beginning, but of course, no one would have paid any attention anyway, so, fuck, that is what is gonna be!
Dead End!
i mean, I have a fierce hatred of any kind of restriction imposed by people, on me, whether directly or as a result of customs, and what pleases me is to knock all those restraints off from their pedestals, and not necessarily to start something new, but rather, just to let what is left, and can withstand the blast, just remain because it was real, not because I had to dance around it. Fuck, someone tells me that I can NOT do something, then I suddenly find that I HAVE to do it just to see what was so fucking special about it. Which is why I specialise in the difficult and incredible, and then, like is about to happen NOW, the impossible.
YEAH-SS!
Which means that, if for example someone says that, as i tried to ignore hearing today, the white people are the wrong ones, because they colonised the land, took the parents' homes and forced them to mitchell's plain, well, i will look at the speaker and say, hmm, fuck do YOU get off blaming others when your own hands are as bloody with exploitation. I will TOTALLY exterminate every coloured person from the land because YOU are a living remainder of that white oppression. Now, how the FUCK do you like THAT! Ha!
oh, and that happens in a few hours, also. Now, where are your RIGHTS, asshole!Where do you get off looking at your fucking rights and acknowledge that I do NOT GIVE a FUCK, and I do not SEE anyone as having ANY rights as far as I am concerned, asshole!
I am neither father christmas nor any kind of saviour. I do not give a fuck, and what I allow to remain alive remains alive because it pleases me, not because I owe anyone anything. Look at it from achmed the dead terrorist's point of view, "I am dead, what do i care?"[]. Well, since, technically NO ONE can do ANYTHING to me, and I do not regard anyone or their dogs as meaning anything to me, I am in quite the same category, Fuck, who cares what anyone of you assholes cares about!
Now, where was I?
i am going to make a parody of God's RIGHTS, so to speak, and impose a "tithing" on the earth, ha ha, like, of every living thing, and leave only a tenth alive, from the moment I step out and become very very visible, YEAH-SSS, which means that in every land, in every family, in every country, there will be at least a tenth that die, Oh, yess!Why the fuck NOT> I will just call it my masquerade. just to show how such I HATE this shit,and hate everyone also.
And that will be the LEAST of what I will do. I am going to, as I say, make my mark on this land, because i could have done a lot of things earlier than this, but the woman decided to ape me, and to put me as her sort of equal, like, Oh, fine, I see you drinking something, and ...fuck, I had to do something, so I shaved my beard the time butthead ii was standing right in front of me, and so i had to take off my shirt, and maybe she thought that,because i had said something about how it galled me that she exposed herself, so I was on a revenge thing, and she, after i walked away with a quart, and tried to gulp it all down,to try to get drunk, showed up, was pointed out to me by vinnie, holding up some kind of plastic bottle, and gulping it down, and OK, I figured out that she was somehow pissed off with me, which was rather good, of course, but i was NOT trying to show myself off or something like that. I HATE my situation, and being oggled like some dinner , or something that refuses to die by a crew of vultures, which flap their wings and run off whenever i show signs of life, but draw closer when there is stillness, like i am ... dinner.
fuck it, i have NO funny bone, not really, not when you get down to it, and so, what I say, I WILL do, and that, basically, to me, is IT! I make no excuses for that!
All this could really,have ended much sooner than it has, i suppose, but well, not really, because it will end when it ends, which makes it all seem rather funny, because this woman has been really, really quite obvious about stuff, and i suppose that the reason why she does not show up, or did not show up the whole of today was that she expected me to mellow up, and sort of become human again, and let things go. Ah, remember the fact that I said i would get well 'when the crocodile eats the sun?' Ah, the point is, just by being alive, I am the focal point of every sort of attack you can and can not imagine, because i am a threat to all of them, so, I HAVE to do this so that I am no longer dis-eased, but can be 'eased', if you get it. This is personal, in a way, because my cough is getting worse, and my indifference to things is not stretching THAT far. I have to deal with this, NOW, and that means, I have to fight, and become me against the world, and all that is in it. Just to survive.
I was born on the streets i'm a fighter
i was born as a survivor
hear my song, hear me again
i'm are fly again
even if they try to break me
thank God I'm doing greatly...
I'm are grow my wings again
I'm are fly again
dont know how, dont know where
I'm are fly again...
from day one believe in yourself
dont let vanity make you deceiving yourself
me coulda never change,
but some boy make the devil stick them and lead them to hell
them lock me up, have me grieve in my cell
i say to myself, when am i leaving this hell
them lock me up, have me grieve in my cell
i say to myself, when am i leaving this hell
to all my thugs in detention, doing life and still get extension
I say,
I was born on the streets I'm a figher
i was born as a SURVIVOR...
I was born on the streets I'm a figher
i was born as a SURVIVOR...
This, I suppose, is the deal, that despite my own prior inclinations, when it comes right down to it, I will NOT back down and lie down so that anyone walks all over me. I am a fighter, and the good thing is, NO ONE taught me how to fight. I was a runt as a boy, and got picked on, and got a temper from all that, and used to get scared of being hurt a whole lot more by people outside, till i figured that even MY mother was hurting me anyway, and I decided to forgo any mercy, and start giving as good as I got. I have never been beaten up since I started to fight, and I have never run away. And so, i am more than ready to take on everything and everyone, because i am in a corner anyway, and the only way out is to come fists blazing. i am so low down that i can not get lower, and i have decided that i am sick and tired of being sick and tired, so it ends, this sick and tiredness. i will now fight. Ok, then, tomorrow. Maybe the woman will see the sense and come out? Or maybe i should start pulling daisies, "she loves me, she loves me not..." kinda thing. I hate God putting His finger on my wound, and causing it to throb even more. I could just be like all of you, pretend i do not care and move on, but I do care, and i see no reason to let her walk out of my way. fuck, if she did not want to be near me, she would have shown it, but look at all she has done, from the way she walked, she pursued me, and even started cycling because I hated the car driving past me, her jealousies, and even her coming out and trying to confront me, more than once, and, well, i can not just overlook that, even the flower thing, the day i said "yes!", the day she defied me and i saw her drinking and then wanted to kill the imp, and everyone staged that protective thing, from kenneth to the gallery woman, to even using that zim girl to show that the imp was married, and all that was speaking volumes about how everyone was tacitly agreeing that she IS free and would be available if i changed my tone. Or the way the gallery woman became all territorial when red-breeches showed up, and she wanted me to change my focus, and i recorded all that, and still, they never got MY point, that i am NOT interested in what THEY have to say, or how available or not she is, I want HER, to come to ME, and they can all fuck off, or I will ... uh... kill them. Fuck, I want to go. OK. I hate it here. I do not think anyone feels for me in that, and so, if she wants to she can come with me, or, if not, she stays. Uh, and then she will have to, unfortunately, die. not that i am forcing her, or anything, i am just saying that she has THIS window period before i have to grow before she can come out, because once I stand, she is dead.
ok, i will NOT kill all coloured people, just most of them, or something like that, because some of them have been very kind to me. These and their families get to live.
ok, i will NOT kill all coloured people, just most of them, or something like that, because some of them have been very kind to me. These and their families get to live.
OK, so, I am NOT a coward whenit comes to people, but I am having to comfort myself here about this woman, and remembering something i saw like some two years ago,
use cheddar as the bait
and you recruit the rat...
like, i will "kill you if you do not come to me", but will spare you if you do? kinda thing?
well, I love her, and do not want to sort of ... force her... to come to me, but I am just pointing out that she needs to make it clear again, where she stands, so that i can know what to do.
simple, yes?
well, if I have to KILL her, I, oh hell, can we not just forget that? I want her WITH me. Stop the negativity here, for once.
fuck, i can not think of anything else. If it was ME, and someone said i should make a choice, I would take the bad option, of course, just to spite the person, but then, i do not want to live, and i hope she is different. Life would be so empty without her. Fuck, why can i not just think positive, like i will wake up tomorrow, with her in my arms. Ah, in THIS life? Yeah, right!
I give up!
use cheddar as the bait
and you recruit the rat...
like, i will "kill you if you do not come to me", but will spare you if you do? kinda thing?
well, I love her, and do not want to sort of ... force her... to come to me, but I am just pointing out that she needs to make it clear again, where she stands, so that i can know what to do.
simple, yes?
well, if I have to KILL her, I, oh hell, can we not just forget that? I want her WITH me. Stop the negativity here, for once.
fuck, i can not think of anything else. If it was ME, and someone said i should make a choice, I would take the bad option, of course, just to spite the person, but then, i do not want to live, and i hope she is different. Life would be so empty without her. Fuck, why can i not just think positive, like i will wake up tomorrow, with her in my arms. Ah, in THIS life? Yeah, right!
I give up!
