there is a song to that effect by mos def, called 'I'm Leaving', but then, the lyrics do not quite cut it, except for the, "doing this for dough you... getting the phone call, and I'm ready to blow yo, nice to know y'all", but then, on revision, its not quite... IT!
So, I suppose I have to be... original, here, since, after all, despite my looking at things some other way,I am now completely uncovered, and well, 'known' in and out by anyone who read my posts, and that was 'by Saturday?', right? I mean, did it happen or not? When I see the swimmer woman and her delicious looking daughter come and the mtehr show herself to have ears, because she was much more pleasing to look at that before, and less obtrusive, and then when today someone I had written off as a nuisance took up my cause and stuck out her neck for me, then, I suppose, what I am is known. Still, though, I wish I had a song to just go with this, so I would know what to say.
or, maybe I should just say what happened in approximate chronological order, and my decisions, and my disappointements, and bitter lessons that I have learnt over the past few days, and why I was not even bothering to go online.
I, of course, got off the train friday night, and as I walked towards vinnie's house, I of course HAD to pass the ... building... and I must say, I am soo tired of this, I just wish I was... elsewhere. i was not, of course, amused to see the apple chick, hair tied to her back, come out, and as I got to the one way junction just before the ... building... she was walking to her car on the other side of the road, and she paused as I got nearer, but I ... am done... being silly... so I walked past her, and was also not amused to see ... the asshole... who had been standing by la parada or maybe at the door of the gallery offices, and he was watching the almost meeting and then he turned back to some ladies with him, someone vinnie said was an employee of his, and as I drew nearer the guy was making a motion that is not hard to interpret, like he was talking about a guy with a dick that kept on 'jerking up', like a permanent hard-on and I was immediately in 'two worlds' again, like in the vision of the table topped boulder where the nondescript guy ended up with his back to naked me making an identical motion, which, to me, at that time I thought was about the guy beating the... air. At the same time, I had handed over... responsibility... for these things to God, and I was asking Him why I was being subjected to THESE insults again, and when I would be free to kill him, because this guy HAS insulted me enough, and MUST pay.
Anyway, I made my way to vinnie's where I ended up with an 'order' that he said would have to go the following day. So I spent the night, till 3 am, trying to get done. I was not done. I slept and we went swimming early in the morning, and I was still not surprised to see that the apple chick was, that early, parked across the road from the building. She must be like my mother, nothing seems to make a dent in her fixation, like she is so convinced that she is so irresistible that she must make just the smallest sign of ... appearance... and I will end up finding her so irresistible that I would give up my ... wrath... and silly thing about five women just so I can accommodate her, and not even threaten HER with death.
must have mistaken me for some other guy, because I ignored her, paid no attention whatsoever, since I was mostly concentrating on the two women I ...'chose';- Would they show me what an insect the thought me for presuming, or would they start taking liberties like the apple chick did? I did not see ms dumpy (who has a nice ass, by the way, and I like them legs!) nor did I see red breeches, who seems to have dropped the trouser thing for dresses, although I liked the red dress which caught my attention first time I decided she was not interested in humiliating me. The short thing does leave a lot to be desired, I must say.
but then, I am critical of everything.
They did not show, i said, but, I grew bored, after a while, and... sleepy. So I sat where I was told not to sit, being alone at the market, and vinnie in F/Hoek, uh, here, where i am, since his tablet has gone on the blink,and I am not sure if the password for the wi-fi has been changed, because of me, because the damned thing, even after having its charging system 'fixed'-and not even really fixed- can not access the net. Anyway, just as i decided to lie down, which tony, who was present, definitely does not like, vinnie showed up, and he was rather frantic, telling me to get up and get off from the place, and, well, I was not happy. So, we went to the back of the restaurant, and I started arguing with him. It was only when I realised that he was getting rather scared of me- I can read fear like an infra red sensor can sense, eh, infra red, that i decided that this rubbish was not worth me paying back my friend with this tantrum, and i switched off, and we let it go, and i even decided to back off from arguing with him. but NOT from having it out with them fools.
apparently, my laughing with him, even from back there, was being monitored, because said employee woman decided to come and peek as I and vinnie walked to the container where he was telling me that something else had to be made -now, just for the crowd, take nothing away from vinnie, he IS an artist, but I am a person who is good with my hands, and also, he likes getting me to do things, because when i concentrate i am not likely to be so... intolerant..., so I get to do most of the 'orders'. Some woman was around today, thinking I am being exploited, or thinking I am some dumb fool, and I refused to grasp the... publicity... she thought i should have. I assume she is with the gallery crowd. even vinnie was bothered, till I pointed out to him that THIS is the way I have always worked, and I have respected his business and even toned down my martial stance in many cases, because I respect and regard him. But i have always had my own agenda, and being around him has provided me with the necessary stability to put things into perspective. I do not ... 'understand' ...money, not because I do not use it, but because i am totally incapable of accepting something that is built on a falsehood. Today, for example, I was grilled over the coals by the pastor's wife, who, after i had a lenghty talk with the guy who preached John 4, (about the samaritan woman who had had five husbands and was staying with one not her husband) about what i thought of the sermon and it got personal and i was drawn out to say... something about what I thought, more in a bit; the woman said she would not pamper me, that I had to choose whether to accept christ or not. in other words, conform or get out. well, I suppose I have no choice. I am not going to set foot in the church again, and after all, I had a bit of a chart with vinnie,and while I soothed his fears about a possible fallout-unfortunately, there is NOTHING i can do to spare the kid johno; everytime i give him breathing room he pisses on me. Today, for instance he was walking with his girl and with this guy to whom the scooter chick was soo friendly and gave such a hug, and who i said is dead, and he MUST know it, and he greeted me, "hey, prince, when are you going to be a king?"
now, i do not have a sense of humour when it comes to people challenging something that even i never asked for, and me going on the defensive about something God... inflicted... on me, so, of course, that means he is dead.
I replied to him, "in a few hours", and well, i intend to keep that promise- a duck, and, I, not knowing how to say no, even if i really need sleep, decided i would accept, and tried to make it. By twelve, I was asleep. But that is going a bit ahead. Rewind a bit. The employee woman and the asshole's girlfriend when they saw me cooled down, assumed t also applied to them, and so, they waited till I had gone to the toilet, come back, and was standing meekly with vinnie by the iron fence, to walk past, when vinnie showed me that the girlfriend of the asshole was the cousin of the guy who was preaching today. And i connected the dots rather fast, and noticed the... link... between the chinks-in-church and my 'kill them all' post. Everything came together, and I saw how I had been had. And saw the hypocrisy of these... 'christians'... who are so confident of the sovereignity of their lord over the earth that they can not answer the simple question I put to them:- "If christ whose existence, even at the beginning, was walking with God, how come, the only time God was allowed complete rule, the ... word... came short on his promise by more than a day?" Wne everyone can see that God is a perfectionist, Who watches over His word to perform it, and Who will give His glory to no other.
Anyway, to make my point, I gave the finger to the building, and vinnie saw this, and well, I knew it was not going to last any longer, this hiding. So I let some of the cat out of the bag. About women hounding me. Which was when i saw the swimmer woman, who was dressed to kill, like woa! And she had her hair covering her face when she passed me by with a mug of coffee or something in her left hand, and now, because I did not immediately recognise her, I wasnot doing the all-over-the-body check, but what i saw was a pretty woman. Then I was suspicious of the slow , deliberate way she stepped her blue-high heeled shoe onto the pavement from the lawn, like for more than just effect, and I stared intently. I do not reecall a ring, because I was not aware at first. But i continued watching till she drove out, and what do you know, the delicious looking daughter was in the passenger seat, and she LOOKED at me for effect, to see whether I was pissed off or not. I was staring at her, both of them, with the mother chewing gum, in consternation, and well, immediately, as if to calm me down, I heard in my ear "If my people, who are called by my name...", and well, one can finish 2 Chronicles 7:14, and so, I was practically seeing the first fruits of women who decided to forgo their ... rights by acceding to MY demands... other wise I would have had to kill her other daughter if she had come near me with THAT one, THIS time, but since that was so unexpected, i will let her off the hook. I would just LOVE to have them both onboard.Fuck, the mother is doing something to me here!
Then we went to his house, and vinnie had to go out, and well, THIS, I am sure, had nothing to do with prompting, because i had a talk with vinnie's daughter, about the kid I beat, who, as i suspected, she liked. (She likes me for some reason, despite my terrifying face -with the tablet not working, I looked at some of the pictures I took and tried to upload after the last profile one, and well, taken in from a fresh perspective, I have a terryfying face, when I am angry- she felt comfortable, at peace, with me. God knows how much i value THAT. I have been dreaming of a woman who would come my way, know everything there is to know about me, and yet come into my arms. So far, i have drawn blanks, and it is making me feel so... empty... inside. Not that I thought that about the kid, she is like my sister, in a way, but I had pags all the same, for the- since it is now impossible that there will be ONE woman- first woman to come across my threshold and just be... mine... and have physical contact with me, WITHOUT making any assumptions- because I would KILL that one) And so, after pointing out his ... good ... side, I at first decided to let the issue go with ALL of tghem, even mike who pays the kid's fees.
but, after church today, I decided that I would draw the line. I will spare brett's cousin, the kid and his family, but everyone else that is on the death list and connected to mike... DIES!
I have decided.
Anyway, i was a bit happy that the scooter chick showed up,and when the pastor's wife said that, as vinnie who was the emcee, asked for prayer requests, it was, today "World Aids Day -who KNEW?- we must pray for the people with aids, she stuck up for me, and she prayed such a soothing prayer that I was not ashamed, and she did NOT say, at the end, 'in jesus' name' like I assumed she would, although I was not listening at first when she did start praying. After wards, i got to see her ass as she walked out, and i was happy that I had someone in my corner. Guess I will get to keep her, right? Provided I am certain she is, was not involved with anyone when we... got acquainted. it would be a pity to kill her.Well, nuff said.
So, I suppose I have to be... original, here, since, after all, despite my looking at things some other way,I am now completely uncovered, and well, 'known' in and out by anyone who read my posts, and that was 'by Saturday?', right? I mean, did it happen or not? When I see the swimmer woman and her delicious looking daughter come and the mtehr show herself to have ears, because she was much more pleasing to look at that before, and less obtrusive, and then when today someone I had written off as a nuisance took up my cause and stuck out her neck for me, then, I suppose, what I am is known. Still, though, I wish I had a song to just go with this, so I would know what to say.
or, maybe I should just say what happened in approximate chronological order, and my decisions, and my disappointements, and bitter lessons that I have learnt over the past few days, and why I was not even bothering to go online.
I, of course, got off the train friday night, and as I walked towards vinnie's house, I of course HAD to pass the ... building... and I must say, I am soo tired of this, I just wish I was... elsewhere. i was not, of course, amused to see the apple chick, hair tied to her back, come out, and as I got to the one way junction just before the ... building... she was walking to her car on the other side of the road, and she paused as I got nearer, but I ... am done... being silly... so I walked past her, and was also not amused to see ... the asshole... who had been standing by la parada or maybe at the door of the gallery offices, and he was watching the almost meeting and then he turned back to some ladies with him, someone vinnie said was an employee of his, and as I drew nearer the guy was making a motion that is not hard to interpret, like he was talking about a guy with a dick that kept on 'jerking up', like a permanent hard-on and I was immediately in 'two worlds' again, like in the vision of the table topped boulder where the nondescript guy ended up with his back to naked me making an identical motion, which, to me, at that time I thought was about the guy beating the... air. At the same time, I had handed over... responsibility... for these things to God, and I was asking Him why I was being subjected to THESE insults again, and when I would be free to kill him, because this guy HAS insulted me enough, and MUST pay.
Anyway, I made my way to vinnie's where I ended up with an 'order' that he said would have to go the following day. So I spent the night, till 3 am, trying to get done. I was not done. I slept and we went swimming early in the morning, and I was still not surprised to see that the apple chick was, that early, parked across the road from the building. She must be like my mother, nothing seems to make a dent in her fixation, like she is so convinced that she is so irresistible that she must make just the smallest sign of ... appearance... and I will end up finding her so irresistible that I would give up my ... wrath... and silly thing about five women just so I can accommodate her, and not even threaten HER with death.
must have mistaken me for some other guy, because I ignored her, paid no attention whatsoever, since I was mostly concentrating on the two women I ...'chose';- Would they show me what an insect the thought me for presuming, or would they start taking liberties like the apple chick did? I did not see ms dumpy (who has a nice ass, by the way, and I like them legs!) nor did I see red breeches, who seems to have dropped the trouser thing for dresses, although I liked the red dress which caught my attention first time I decided she was not interested in humiliating me. The short thing does leave a lot to be desired, I must say.
but then, I am critical of everything.
They did not show, i said, but, I grew bored, after a while, and... sleepy. So I sat where I was told not to sit, being alone at the market, and vinnie in F/Hoek, uh, here, where i am, since his tablet has gone on the blink,and I am not sure if the password for the wi-fi has been changed, because of me, because the damned thing, even after having its charging system 'fixed'-and not even really fixed- can not access the net. Anyway, just as i decided to lie down, which tony, who was present, definitely does not like, vinnie showed up, and he was rather frantic, telling me to get up and get off from the place, and, well, I was not happy. So, we went to the back of the restaurant, and I started arguing with him. It was only when I realised that he was getting rather scared of me- I can read fear like an infra red sensor can sense, eh, infra red, that i decided that this rubbish was not worth me paying back my friend with this tantrum, and i switched off, and we let it go, and i even decided to back off from arguing with him. but NOT from having it out with them fools.
apparently, my laughing with him, even from back there, was being monitored, because said employee woman decided to come and peek as I and vinnie walked to the container where he was telling me that something else had to be made -now, just for the crowd, take nothing away from vinnie, he IS an artist, but I am a person who is good with my hands, and also, he likes getting me to do things, because when i concentrate i am not likely to be so... intolerant..., so I get to do most of the 'orders'. Some woman was around today, thinking I am being exploited, or thinking I am some dumb fool, and I refused to grasp the... publicity... she thought i should have. I assume she is with the gallery crowd. even vinnie was bothered, till I pointed out to him that THIS is the way I have always worked, and I have respected his business and even toned down my martial stance in many cases, because I respect and regard him. But i have always had my own agenda, and being around him has provided me with the necessary stability to put things into perspective. I do not ... 'understand' ...money, not because I do not use it, but because i am totally incapable of accepting something that is built on a falsehood. Today, for example, I was grilled over the coals by the pastor's wife, who, after i had a lenghty talk with the guy who preached John 4, (about the samaritan woman who had had five husbands and was staying with one not her husband) about what i thought of the sermon and it got personal and i was drawn out to say... something about what I thought, more in a bit; the woman said she would not pamper me, that I had to choose whether to accept christ or not. in other words, conform or get out. well, I suppose I have no choice. I am not going to set foot in the church again, and after all, I had a bit of a chart with vinnie,and while I soothed his fears about a possible fallout-unfortunately, there is NOTHING i can do to spare the kid johno; everytime i give him breathing room he pisses on me. Today, for instance he was walking with his girl and with this guy to whom the scooter chick was soo friendly and gave such a hug, and who i said is dead, and he MUST know it, and he greeted me, "hey, prince, when are you going to be a king?"
now, i do not have a sense of humour when it comes to people challenging something that even i never asked for, and me going on the defensive about something God... inflicted... on me, so, of course, that means he is dead.
I replied to him, "in a few hours", and well, i intend to keep that promise- a duck, and, I, not knowing how to say no, even if i really need sleep, decided i would accept, and tried to make it. By twelve, I was asleep. But that is going a bit ahead. Rewind a bit. The employee woman and the asshole's girlfriend when they saw me cooled down, assumed t also applied to them, and so, they waited till I had gone to the toilet, come back, and was standing meekly with vinnie by the iron fence, to walk past, when vinnie showed me that the girlfriend of the asshole was the cousin of the guy who was preaching today. And i connected the dots rather fast, and noticed the... link... between the chinks-in-church and my 'kill them all' post. Everything came together, and I saw how I had been had. And saw the hypocrisy of these... 'christians'... who are so confident of the sovereignity of their lord over the earth that they can not answer the simple question I put to them:- "If christ whose existence, even at the beginning, was walking with God, how come, the only time God was allowed complete rule, the ... word... came short on his promise by more than a day?" Wne everyone can see that God is a perfectionist, Who watches over His word to perform it, and Who will give His glory to no other.
Anyway, to make my point, I gave the finger to the building, and vinnie saw this, and well, I knew it was not going to last any longer, this hiding. So I let some of the cat out of the bag. About women hounding me. Which was when i saw the swimmer woman, who was dressed to kill, like woa! And she had her hair covering her face when she passed me by with a mug of coffee or something in her left hand, and now, because I did not immediately recognise her, I wasnot doing the all-over-the-body check, but what i saw was a pretty woman. Then I was suspicious of the slow , deliberate way she stepped her blue-high heeled shoe onto the pavement from the lawn, like for more than just effect, and I stared intently. I do not reecall a ring, because I was not aware at first. But i continued watching till she drove out, and what do you know, the delicious looking daughter was in the passenger seat, and she LOOKED at me for effect, to see whether I was pissed off or not. I was staring at her, both of them, with the mother chewing gum, in consternation, and well, immediately, as if to calm me down, I heard in my ear "If my people, who are called by my name...", and well, one can finish 2 Chronicles 7:14, and so, I was practically seeing the first fruits of women who decided to forgo their ... rights by acceding to MY demands... other wise I would have had to kill her other daughter if she had come near me with THAT one, THIS time, but since that was so unexpected, i will let her off the hook. I would just LOVE to have them both onboard.Fuck, the mother is doing something to me here!
Then we went to his house, and vinnie had to go out, and well, THIS, I am sure, had nothing to do with prompting, because i had a talk with vinnie's daughter, about the kid I beat, who, as i suspected, she liked. (She likes me for some reason, despite my terrifying face -with the tablet not working, I looked at some of the pictures I took and tried to upload after the last profile one, and well, taken in from a fresh perspective, I have a terryfying face, when I am angry- she felt comfortable, at peace, with me. God knows how much i value THAT. I have been dreaming of a woman who would come my way, know everything there is to know about me, and yet come into my arms. So far, i have drawn blanks, and it is making me feel so... empty... inside. Not that I thought that about the kid, she is like my sister, in a way, but I had pags all the same, for the- since it is now impossible that there will be ONE woman- first woman to come across my threshold and just be... mine... and have physical contact with me, WITHOUT making any assumptions- because I would KILL that one) And so, after pointing out his ... good ... side, I at first decided to let the issue go with ALL of tghem, even mike who pays the kid's fees.
but, after church today, I decided that I would draw the line. I will spare brett's cousin, the kid and his family, but everyone else that is on the death list and connected to mike... DIES!
I have decided.
Anyway, i was a bit happy that the scooter chick showed up,and when the pastor's wife said that, as vinnie who was the emcee, asked for prayer requests, it was, today "World Aids Day -who KNEW?- we must pray for the people with aids, she stuck up for me, and she prayed such a soothing prayer that I was not ashamed, and she did NOT say, at the end, 'in jesus' name' like I assumed she would, although I was not listening at first when she did start praying. After wards, i got to see her ass as she walked out, and i was happy that I had someone in my corner. Guess I will get to keep her, right? Provided I am certain she is, was not involved with anyone when we... got acquainted. it would be a pity to kill her.Well, nuff said.
