It is very frustrating to be... explicit about stuff and to then have people think you are such a pushover that all they have to do is show up and dressed to kill, like the smart chick, and that friend of hers, or the breastless blonde, or, even, all they have to do is walk by, like the asshole, and I would reconsider, and feel pity for them. Fuck, I SAID already for just THAT behaviour, you are already dead to me, and THAT stands. I have no room for pity for people in my life, and what I wrote yesterday STANDS, because I am NOT interested in your pathetic lives, nor am I interested in fans.
FUCK you all!
Good thing, though, if you have ears and eyes, you would have noticed THIS, because it was impossible NOT to.
Maybe I should start from the top.
I went down the mountain, reluctantly, because, of course, I am STILL a bit uneasy about things, and I DO feel exposed, and I found vinnie not up yet, and, as usual, went to his place, where over breakfast, I read, as usual also, because for some reason I find it impossible to concentrate on ONE thing, some kind of inner ... rebel... in me seeks to deny the very fact that I exist, and am finding it necessary to actually DO something to further my existence, and food IS the essence of survival, right.
AND I DO NOT WANT TO BE ALIVE
That is the KEY point that it seems you'all fools miss out on. Anyway, for THAT reason, I do not actually CARE WTF happens to YOU. NOT really.
But, I read the bible, and I was thinking, like from before I came down, just what ... number... of women I would end up with, OK? And I definitely did not want ten, because it would confuse me about the 7-3 thing, which i am confident I got pat.neither 8, because that would be the number that was in the original ark, right, and this is NOT, as far as I am concerned, ABOUT God, because there is a definite distinction here. I mean, look at it, God has HIS people, which are the ones who I leave alive, after taking MY people out of it, and MY people are women that pleased me BEFORE I had to be... great, see? So, if you pissed me off, showed me up and wanted me to dance to your tune by trying to make me jealous with ... flowers... or with some other guys, then you are dead, see? QED. Like, simple, straightforward. OK?
yeah. I woke up with the number thing, and I was worrying, at first, about the woman who... showed up ... on the 26th of May, with the red lipstick and the cleft chin, who looked at me so... dejectedly... when all I wanted was someone with similar hairstyle and a different ass to the two I had seen the day before, see?
And I was, like a ...cold... machine, NOT even interested in how the woman felt, or what she thought, just whether she looked good. She did, but I was ... unmoved... because that which appleals to ME was not included;- the woman was just a woman who saw me as a potential mate or a potential boyfriend, and took what amounted to instant rejection quite badly.
i mean, fuck, I do not care, and never will, so, why pretend?
its all black and white for me, and what I like, what pleases me by tickling my ego, I KEEP. What does not I throw away.
of course i am sensual,. but THAT is secondary, because before i even think of bedding the woman, there must be a certain... standard ... that she mantains, because otherwise I would kill her. Guess when God said," seek not during the day what you can not find at night, and seek not at night what you can not find during the day" He was telling me that I should not distinguish lust from respect, because if I did, I would be unhappy.And the least thing WRONG pisses me off BIG time. The woman HAS to be appealing, and... well... have proven that I am the top dog, before she even gets anywhere near me. I have seen bitches think they can appeal to my senses and ignore their own 'circumstances', and others that have tried to sort themselves out when in effect they are not so good to look at.
So, I opened the bible to Ezekiel 33, and realised that I would use the blue-print of God to act towards MY people... see?
And we came to the container.
And it was while I was... there... that red-breeches showed up. I am getting to like this woman more and more, really, because she has shown a tendency to... listen... but I am not so sure how well she ... hears.
because she was dressed in a long blue dress which showed her off quite well, and as she passed me by, I was... frozen... in place, because she really seemed like she wanted to... SAY ... something, to me. She passed by, and then she seemed to have forgotten something else, and she walked by again, and then walked past.
And I wished I could... comfort her... BUT she was going into THAT fucking place, and all the memories that her being in THAT foursome brought were superimposed on her action, and I was left rather... unsettled. I wanted to wax optimistic, but at the same time, I have... trust issues. I mean, look at it from MY perspective;- what is she doing THERE, what do they TALK about when she is free and maybe with them looking down at me and wanting me to maybe just go away and leave them alone? how the fuck will I KNOW if it is me she is interested in or if she is just playing a role that she must to keep me from being so... threatening? Only SHE knows, right?
And for a time, the thought that she was rather tending towards listening to me was uppermost in my mind, and i was liking the fact that she was not shaming me in front of them fools, and it was Ok. the sun was shining, and everything was good with the world. Then the ididots started coming out of the woodwork, and it pissed me off, a bit. But when that friend of the smart-chick also came and one of the guys I was with commented that she looked good, and she was so very pleased, while at the same time the other blonde who also works for mike at the harbour or some such place where vinnie got his letter of permission to set up shop at the container the asshole rents also came past, I was VERY unhappy. And, well, i did not even think about it, and THIS is something I have been grasping lately, but when I felt so... lost... and went to look for food, and came back, I had to put on a jacket , it was overcast already, and cold, and windy.
Boanerges- "sons of thunder". And it was THEN that ms short and dumpy also came out. I think this is the time I MUST say this... I HATE these silly high heel shoes, really. And I hate people who throw my words behind them and think I am impressed by mere token acknowledgement when in effect the things that piss me off are ignored.Maybe that would please you all, but NOT me. I do not care enough for anyone to let that person take me for a fool. If you are my enemy, BE my enemy, if friend, then let there be NO grey areas that I have to fill in myself. Fuck do you think you are?
...
And things just so... happened... that I ended up getting the money to ... leave, and come here. To wynberg, to ... lick... my wounds a bit, and try to figure out just where I AM here!
like, I am NOT suck a prisoner as I thought I was. I was actually thinking nothing and suddenly things were already going drastic.
fuck, i am thinking that what I need to do is make a... decision about just who is, and who is not for me, and when i do that, I will take mine and leave the rest, because I am fucking tired of this double dealing. When I am satisfied, because i see now that what is keeping me in ... limbo... is not knowing, then nothing will stop me from destroying the fools and leaving. I have the power to do as i wish, and i am getting more and more aware of it. And I decide. No ONE else.
I was wondering about killing off all the rastafarians, and jamaicans, and i took it up with God, and He replied with the ususal line from jah love
'love your life, remember not to indulge in no war and strife', well, I ... suppose... i have to put it here, for you to see
Meaning that what ... pleases me... ONLY is what I should do, since I am so disinterested in anyone and anything I can not stand to let anything weigh me down. So, them fools die, all of them.
Simply because it PLEASES me to have them die. Which means that, if I SAY you are dead, there is NO appeal. I am actually the lord of the earth.
Fuck, I TRIED all the while I was helping out in displaying the stuff, to let the obnoxious guard who has been throwing his weight around and also was the one the apple chick smiled so brilliantly to, the gallery woman was always speaking with and who, at one time, when the 'problem' of vinnie NOT getting the letter of permission from mike went so far as to say - meaning he was in the 'loop', "maybe there is another problem", namely, ME, and I was in his face, singing these songs above, so that maybe he would get it into his thick skull that hell is beckoning to him. Ah well, them fools think someone is going to come to their aid. Keep thinking. You are soon to be dead, yeah-sss. Right inna your face, YESSSSS
FUCK you all!
Good thing, though, if you have ears and eyes, you would have noticed THIS, because it was impossible NOT to.
Maybe I should start from the top.
I went down the mountain, reluctantly, because, of course, I am STILL a bit uneasy about things, and I DO feel exposed, and I found vinnie not up yet, and, as usual, went to his place, where over breakfast, I read, as usual also, because for some reason I find it impossible to concentrate on ONE thing, some kind of inner ... rebel... in me seeks to deny the very fact that I exist, and am finding it necessary to actually DO something to further my existence, and food IS the essence of survival, right.
AND I DO NOT WANT TO BE ALIVE
That is the KEY point that it seems you'all fools miss out on. Anyway, for THAT reason, I do not actually CARE WTF happens to YOU. NOT really.
But, I read the bible, and I was thinking, like from before I came down, just what ... number... of women I would end up with, OK? And I definitely did not want ten, because it would confuse me about the 7-3 thing, which i am confident I got pat.neither 8, because that would be the number that was in the original ark, right, and this is NOT, as far as I am concerned, ABOUT God, because there is a definite distinction here. I mean, look at it, God has HIS people, which are the ones who I leave alive, after taking MY people out of it, and MY people are women that pleased me BEFORE I had to be... great, see? So, if you pissed me off, showed me up and wanted me to dance to your tune by trying to make me jealous with ... flowers... or with some other guys, then you are dead, see? QED. Like, simple, straightforward. OK?
yeah. I woke up with the number thing, and I was worrying, at first, about the woman who... showed up ... on the 26th of May, with the red lipstick and the cleft chin, who looked at me so... dejectedly... when all I wanted was someone with similar hairstyle and a different ass to the two I had seen the day before, see?
And I was, like a ...cold... machine, NOT even interested in how the woman felt, or what she thought, just whether she looked good. She did, but I was ... unmoved... because that which appleals to ME was not included;- the woman was just a woman who saw me as a potential mate or a potential boyfriend, and took what amounted to instant rejection quite badly.
i mean, fuck, I do not care, and never will, so, why pretend?
its all black and white for me, and what I like, what pleases me by tickling my ego, I KEEP. What does not I throw away.
of course i am sensual,. but THAT is secondary, because before i even think of bedding the woman, there must be a certain... standard ... that she mantains, because otherwise I would kill her. Guess when God said," seek not during the day what you can not find at night, and seek not at night what you can not find during the day" He was telling me that I should not distinguish lust from respect, because if I did, I would be unhappy.And the least thing WRONG pisses me off BIG time. The woman HAS to be appealing, and... well... have proven that I am the top dog, before she even gets anywhere near me. I have seen bitches think they can appeal to my senses and ignore their own 'circumstances', and others that have tried to sort themselves out when in effect they are not so good to look at.
So, I opened the bible to Ezekiel 33, and realised that I would use the blue-print of God to act towards MY people... see?
And we came to the container.
And it was while I was... there... that red-breeches showed up. I am getting to like this woman more and more, really, because she has shown a tendency to... listen... but I am not so sure how well she ... hears.
because she was dressed in a long blue dress which showed her off quite well, and as she passed me by, I was... frozen... in place, because she really seemed like she wanted to... SAY ... something, to me. She passed by, and then she seemed to have forgotten something else, and she walked by again, and then walked past.
And I wished I could... comfort her... BUT she was going into THAT fucking place, and all the memories that her being in THAT foursome brought were superimposed on her action, and I was left rather... unsettled. I wanted to wax optimistic, but at the same time, I have... trust issues. I mean, look at it from MY perspective;- what is she doing THERE, what do they TALK about when she is free and maybe with them looking down at me and wanting me to maybe just go away and leave them alone? how the fuck will I KNOW if it is me she is interested in or if she is just playing a role that she must to keep me from being so... threatening? Only SHE knows, right?
And for a time, the thought that she was rather tending towards listening to me was uppermost in my mind, and i was liking the fact that she was not shaming me in front of them fools, and it was Ok. the sun was shining, and everything was good with the world. Then the ididots started coming out of the woodwork, and it pissed me off, a bit. But when that friend of the smart-chick also came and one of the guys I was with commented that she looked good, and she was so very pleased, while at the same time the other blonde who also works for mike at the harbour or some such place where vinnie got his letter of permission to set up shop at the container the asshole rents also came past, I was VERY unhappy. And, well, i did not even think about it, and THIS is something I have been grasping lately, but when I felt so... lost... and went to look for food, and came back, I had to put on a jacket , it was overcast already, and cold, and windy.
Boanerges- "sons of thunder". And it was THEN that ms short and dumpy also came out. I think this is the time I MUST say this... I HATE these silly high heel shoes, really. And I hate people who throw my words behind them and think I am impressed by mere token acknowledgement when in effect the things that piss me off are ignored.Maybe that would please you all, but NOT me. I do not care enough for anyone to let that person take me for a fool. If you are my enemy, BE my enemy, if friend, then let there be NO grey areas that I have to fill in myself. Fuck do you think you are?
...
And things just so... happened... that I ended up getting the money to ... leave, and come here. To wynberg, to ... lick... my wounds a bit, and try to figure out just where I AM here!
like, I am NOT suck a prisoner as I thought I was. I was actually thinking nothing and suddenly things were already going drastic.
fuck, i am thinking that what I need to do is make a... decision about just who is, and who is not for me, and when i do that, I will take mine and leave the rest, because I am fucking tired of this double dealing. When I am satisfied, because i see now that what is keeping me in ... limbo... is not knowing, then nothing will stop me from destroying the fools and leaving. I have the power to do as i wish, and i am getting more and more aware of it. And I decide. No ONE else.
I was wondering about killing off all the rastafarians, and jamaicans, and i took it up with God, and He replied with the ususal line from jah love
'love your life, remember not to indulge in no war and strife', well, I ... suppose... i have to put it here, for you to see
Simply because it PLEASES me to have them die. Which means that, if I SAY you are dead, there is NO appeal. I am actually the lord of the earth.
