OK, look at it this way, I have never let anyone's opinion mean anything to me, till now, and never have I let anyone get close to me, till now, so when what I expect at worst to happen does NOT happen, and what I hoped for at best -if you can call it that- still does NOT happen, then it means I am not getting the ... message.
so, I have, in my stubborn old age, decided to... listen, and well, then, woman, I ... hear you.
I am not interested, much, in your past, nor in killing fools indiscriminately- although i must say the look in the guy's face when i walked past on my way from the station was... priceless. I will remember that look, that disbelieving horror, that fear... ha ha!
so, Ok, i would have been seriously NOT amused if the asshole had shown up, and you had been near, watching, or something like that, because I hate being ... taken for a puppet. Were you near? This is not so easy for me to do, alone , here.I could use some input from you here. I hate flying blind.
OK, then, this is what happened. I finished my post, and got on the train, which terminated at fish hoek, and somewhere along the line, whether when I was waiting for the connecting train or somewhere earlier, i remebered the statement, "... has sworn and will not repent", and there went my hope that I would be free of the... 'essence of survive', and I realised that my... malady... my death wish, was a permanent one, that I could never live unless I was on permanent God support, which meant that, wherever I go, God will always be peering over my shoulder telling me things which even I do not want to hear, or want to hear but never hope I could have, like... this stopping me from doing something I was about to do... eh... now, because 'my heart is not in it'.
I am stuck with Him, I guess.
Ok, then what? I came to kalk bay, and there was this big... function thing happening at that restaurant near the Three Kings Hotel, and I was just walking past, and i happened to glance at some of the people sitting there, and there was mike, with his hand to his face, and we stared at each other and i walked past, still quite unhappy at the fact that god will keep on happening to me till ... forever, and I paid no attention to that, part then, stored it for future use, and walked past and under the building, noting that there were no lights in his office, (which does not mean that she as not there, maybe she was just scared to show herself to me) but there were some in the gallery, and I went, saw vinnie, we went to fish hoek -here, but not here here, just nearby, he deposited some money, and we came back, and i went to sleep, woke up, and came down, and mike drove up, parked his car in my face as I was displaying stuff, and then ran into ... somewhere... and came back with some woman, got in, making some joke or the other, and drove off, to the harbour house, and the woman came back with the smart chick. Everything orchestrated to the last drop.So, I had to think things through. Ok, since my ONLY interest in these fools IS the apple chick, WHAT was that telling me?
that maybe he had decided to step back and concede that he would not be involved with anything to do with the chick and so i should let him off the hook? Hmmm!
well, the thing I like about the chick is she definitely NEEDS looking after, I mean, I find myself feeling fatherly towards her, and she is probably older than me, because she awakens a protective instinct in me, and maybe that was the same thing that they all grasped, which is why I have been having these fools all walking up and down to shield her.
so, maybe he was telling me that he was backing off, and so i should have no beef with him. Ah, not quite, I still hate him, and he would be wise to just stay the fuck out of my sight, and who said I was letting the smart chick and family off the hook? Fuck, even if I just walk away from kalk bay and do not totally destroy it, I am still going to need an example that will remain in people's memories, and I have ... DECIDED... that this entire family will be it. And tony, of course. I just hate that asshole.
but, I figured that, things being as they are, and this paternity issue being what it was, I COULD kill mike but that would force me to be involved with the paternity issue, so i will let him live, provided he gets some sense into his small chickenshit brain and STAYS the fuck out of my sight, and that is not so hard, i am a predictable fixed routine person, and also provided that he assumes responsibility for the sprog. Now, I KNOW that the mother has different ideas about that, but, uh, I am NOT about to put myself in the midst of this. It is her... alone... I am interested in, and how this issue is sorted is up to her and if she finds it impossible for the guy, who is the father, to BE the father, who then does she want to be the father? so, then she wants ME to be the fall guy? How insulting that would be. She can leave the child,and I will even... wait... a bit till she makes up her mind, because I still have tow days before Air Force One becomes Air Force None, if I do not take the opportunity given me, but it would be pointless to let this chance slip through my fingers because this woman, whom I love so totally, will not make up her mind. shall I turn everyone into a pile of cinders who do not want you to stop being a mom? Or what? because I am getting rather irritated at these glances i am getting whenever i show up... ah fuck!
so, I have, in my stubborn old age, decided to... listen, and well, then, woman, I ... hear you.
I am not interested, much, in your past, nor in killing fools indiscriminately- although i must say the look in the guy's face when i walked past on my way from the station was... priceless. I will remember that look, that disbelieving horror, that fear... ha ha!
so, Ok, i would have been seriously NOT amused if the asshole had shown up, and you had been near, watching, or something like that, because I hate being ... taken for a puppet. Were you near? This is not so easy for me to do, alone , here.I could use some input from you here. I hate flying blind.
OK, then, this is what happened. I finished my post, and got on the train, which terminated at fish hoek, and somewhere along the line, whether when I was waiting for the connecting train or somewhere earlier, i remebered the statement, "... has sworn and will not repent", and there went my hope that I would be free of the... 'essence of survive', and I realised that my... malady... my death wish, was a permanent one, that I could never live unless I was on permanent God support, which meant that, wherever I go, God will always be peering over my shoulder telling me things which even I do not want to hear, or want to hear but never hope I could have, like... this stopping me from doing something I was about to do... eh... now, because 'my heart is not in it'.
I am stuck with Him, I guess.
Ok, then what? I came to kalk bay, and there was this big... function thing happening at that restaurant near the Three Kings Hotel, and I was just walking past, and i happened to glance at some of the people sitting there, and there was mike, with his hand to his face, and we stared at each other and i walked past, still quite unhappy at the fact that god will keep on happening to me till ... forever, and I paid no attention to that, part then, stored it for future use, and walked past and under the building, noting that there were no lights in his office, (which does not mean that she as not there, maybe she was just scared to show herself to me) but there were some in the gallery, and I went, saw vinnie, we went to fish hoek -here, but not here here, just nearby, he deposited some money, and we came back, and i went to sleep, woke up, and came down, and mike drove up, parked his car in my face as I was displaying stuff, and then ran into ... somewhere... and came back with some woman, got in, making some joke or the other, and drove off, to the harbour house, and the woman came back with the smart chick. Everything orchestrated to the last drop.So, I had to think things through. Ok, since my ONLY interest in these fools IS the apple chick, WHAT was that telling me?
that maybe he had decided to step back and concede that he would not be involved with anything to do with the chick and so i should let him off the hook? Hmmm!
well, the thing I like about the chick is she definitely NEEDS looking after, I mean, I find myself feeling fatherly towards her, and she is probably older than me, because she awakens a protective instinct in me, and maybe that was the same thing that they all grasped, which is why I have been having these fools all walking up and down to shield her.
so, maybe he was telling me that he was backing off, and so i should have no beef with him. Ah, not quite, I still hate him, and he would be wise to just stay the fuck out of my sight, and who said I was letting the smart chick and family off the hook? Fuck, even if I just walk away from kalk bay and do not totally destroy it, I am still going to need an example that will remain in people's memories, and I have ... DECIDED... that this entire family will be it. And tony, of course. I just hate that asshole.
but, I figured that, things being as they are, and this paternity issue being what it was, I COULD kill mike but that would force me to be involved with the paternity issue, so i will let him live, provided he gets some sense into his small chickenshit brain and STAYS the fuck out of my sight, and that is not so hard, i am a predictable fixed routine person, and also provided that he assumes responsibility for the sprog. Now, I KNOW that the mother has different ideas about that, but, uh, I am NOT about to put myself in the midst of this. It is her... alone... I am interested in, and how this issue is sorted is up to her and if she finds it impossible for the guy, who is the father, to BE the father, who then does she want to be the father? so, then she wants ME to be the fall guy? How insulting that would be. She can leave the child,and I will even... wait... a bit till she makes up her mind, because I still have tow days before Air Force One becomes Air Force None, if I do not take the opportunity given me, but it would be pointless to let this chance slip through my fingers because this woman, whom I love so totally, will not make up her mind. shall I turn everyone into a pile of cinders who do not want you to stop being a mom? Or what? because I am getting rather irritated at these glances i am getting whenever i show up... ah fuck!
