Yesterday, in fact, so that when the little mother finally decided that she- because it WAS indeed her who was contemplating the ... black hole/(=>cup of coffee since coffee is bittersweet, or sweet-bitter,since a person acts so seemingly innocuously with the sting in the tail)... for her offspring- would bring me something to make me regret what I was passing up,which was the guy who was'on vacation' holding her by the hand as they strolled arm in arm- again i have to wonder just how dickless some guys are, and how ... pathetic... they are, beihg ruled by bitches- I was laughing even as they passed..... The thing is, as i went up the mountain, God merely had to whisper "nevertheless" and everything fell into place.
You see God is a God of nature, and He put it so that a ...certain... type of woman would regardless of the ... price... no matter how humiliating, no matter how often rebuffed, ridiculed or spat on ... she would put up with it becausenevertheless [her] desire shall be for [her] husband, who will THEN rule over her, after the reluctant party acknowledges the immutable fact that the woman IS INDEED interested ONLY in him, and everything else can -and in my case WILL- be given up for that man.Which fact clearly shows the distinction between the maverick's own and those that want something of the Lord of the Earth,namely to pull him down to their level. So, since mine are known by their tenacity, and at present they would have to be three(x=2x-3) then all i have to worry about are 3 women hat have taken my crap, not shown me their asses or had something else by the side, who will themselves come my way, while i do the thing that i tried to talk to vinnie about and he told me no such thing could ever happen in my life- have NO authority,power or restraint over me, be it physical geographical or spiritual;- in short, I increase MY authority while refuting every other authority....yessss!!!!!!oh yessss. Well, the women are NOT the contemporary art chick, since when she pissed me off and i went "?!"to God, the girl with the sweet smile showed up, and in that time of hurt she was refreshijg, though true to form it took a while to sink in. Nor is it anyone who tried to mess with my mind,or be obstrusive,hell, noo. Guess i am still thinking of the olympia chick, because, well a bit of fear of the mav. is good and also she does not rub me up as raw as the rest of these people did. Then,mainly because of miami sands, and the mother and daughter duo, I suppose that i can see myself looking their way,and THAT is likely to be it. FUCK i hate being herez more and more each day. All i want to do is leave, and frankly my experiences here have NOT made me eager to meet a single person more than the alloted 24 and no new face is welcome in my life, or any other than these, which people i am, especially the 3 looking at with a jaundiced, impatient eye. When i say I am fed up with this place, unlike you all I am not just grumbling, I am considering ways out, and do NOT forget, MY freedom means death;- try cracking this puzzle*- more I get pissed off more i get energised, and less tolerant as well, and more free, and right now, I am at rock bottom. Except for the prospect that maybe these three women will alleviate some of that rage. Suppose THEY spurn me, or remain inert while i wait- unnaturally- for them. What happens then? Because I will not have any more women with me.except the german chick, verana.
My ANGER always seems to erupt in times of excessive,life threatening trauma, or someone making me feel small. I hate being looked down on. I hate being small. Small is weak. Small is bad, insignificant, small means being drowned in tubs because someone thinks they can do as they feel like and you will neither tell or retaliate. SMALL IS
NOT me
